What to do if you fall in love with a married girl - what to do? What if she is married? I love her madly but she is married.

Question to a psychologist

Good afternoon I am sure that many people have already contacted you with similar questions, but still, my situation may be exclusive. I met a girl. When we met, I learned that she already had a child. After a week of communication, I found out that she was married. I fell madly in love with a girl. I started coming to her work, it turned out we work in neighboring buildings. Drink tea, give small homemade gifts (cards, bouquet of napkins, etc.). But I already had the bitter experience of loving a married girl. And so in the summer, after 3 weeks of communication, I told her that we needed to stop our communication and left. She caught up with me and said let's try to see what happens. I refused, but she insisted. And I gave up. We continued talking. She went with her daughter to a sanatorium by the sea. I took time off from work and came to her. She was very happy. She and I had our first sex at sea. At sea, I found out that she had never vacationed at sea with her husband and child, they say he works, the vacation does not coincide, etc. My daughter never left my side at sea, my Pasha said. That is, I have no problems with the child. After the sea, I asked her directly: what do you need to leave your husband? She replied that she had never thought about such a thing. She said that she had never been in love in her life. To my questions: why are you telling your husband on the phone I love you, she replied, He is my husband. I did a lot of surprises for her, gave her a lot of gifts. Gave me a phone. She told her husband that she found the phone in a box on the minibus. All Stuffed Toys she gives it to her daughters, although some are 1.5 times more than her daughter:) My most memorable action, according to her, is when, after a quarrel, she removed me from her friends, I wrote under her windows: Add as a friend. At home, I hung photographs of her and me all over the wall. We started an album where we keep photos from our trips and shopping trips together. We had quarrels when she said that everything was over, but she always asked for forgiveness and our relationship resumed. So we dated for 8 months. We were planning to go skiing in March, but her daughter got sick and she canceled the trip. She is a secretive person and does not always say what she thinks. And I think she was against me traveling alone, but she didn’t say anything. Since I was traveling through the mountains on a train all day, I did not have the opportunity to call her. The next day it was forgiven resurrection and she posted a picture about forgiveness on my VKontakte wall. I wrote her a message, forgive me for everything. She replied I'm sorry. In the evening I called her, she hung up. Then she wrote to tell me to rest, she didn’t care about me, just as I didn’t care about her yesterday (the day when I was on the road). We didn't communicate for almost a week. Then at night she wrote that she had suspicions that she was pregnant (she and I had sex on February 21, she wrote the message on March 6, because her period was supposed to start on March 6, but there were no warning signs). On March 8, I ordered flowers to be delivered to her home (I gave flowers to her mother and daughter so that my husband would have fewer questions). She said that mom was simply shocked by the pleasant surprise. And she liked the flowers. My husband only gave flowers on March 8th, although he is nearby, and not like me, 800 km away. She took a test and it showed a second line that was barely visible. When I was returning to the city, she called and said that we needed to meet at my house so that I could tell her to her face that I didn’t make her pregnant on purpose. I told her to come and meet me at the station. She didn’t come to the station because... said he was late. At home she immediately began to cry. I tried to hug her, told her that I loved her, told her to calm down, because together we could handle it. She seemed to calm down and asked me to buy a test, which also showed a barely visible second line. She began to blame herself for being stupid, without a head, and repeating the same mistake (she had already had an abortion more than a year ago). She said that she did not want to leave this child because she was married. She is at a loss and doesn't know what to do. He said that I should satisfy her with my hands, maybe this would help disrupt the pregnancy. When, during this process, due to the influx of hormones and separation from her, I began to hint at natural sex, she said that she did not want to, but I persuaded her. I told her that I would support her with all sorts of methods, morally (even to the point that I would be with her all this time), financially (this procedure is still not free). She said she would need financial support. She asked me to buy her tests and bring them to work. I brought it, but she doesn’t want to communicate with me at all: she doesn’t talk to me, she looks through me. She was alone, but she didn’t say a single word (if I were her, if I didn’t want to see me, I would speak out and kick me out, but she didn’t react at all). After lunch I came to find out what was going on with the tests. She also continued to ignore me. A colleague was sitting in her office, so I could not communicate directly with her. I sent her an SMS, to which she replied: Get out. I replied that I would leave as soon as she told me the results. This is all prehistory. I always told her that I would accept her with her daughter. I kept repeating about my love, backing up my words with actions. So the question is: What should I do? I know that this situation is wrong from the beginning, but I love her madly and want to make her happy (according to her, she is not happy with her husband, she blames her mother for forcing her to get married. When I asked if she loved her husband, she said no , but she values ​​it). So, give me some advice: should I fight for her or should I leave this idea? I love her so much. I know that I am making a big mistake by strongly imposing myself on her, but I am afraid that if I am not constantly with her, she will leave.

Hello Pavel!

You are absolutely right that you cannot force a person to love... or to be with anyone. The situation is such that you are free to decide for yourself, and she is free to decide for herself + daughter + husband. Therefore, the last word belongs to her. Is there a big age difference between you? Maybe for you there are some values ​​and for her others.... The fact that her husband did not give her anything other than flowers does not mean that he does not love her. And for a woman with a child, as a rule, the interests of the child are very important (of course, women do not always understand and defend them correctly). If her husband did not suit her as a husband, father, owner, person, example of virtue, most likely she would have left for you. But it seems to me that she is not satisfied with him (or not completely satisfied) only as a lover. So she chose you specifically for the role of her LOVER. And then... Pasha, you know, you can’t like everything about a person 100%. Surely her husband has shortcomings, but also advantages. But there are people who can put up with shortcomings and not notice them, and consider adultery humiliating for themselves, and there are those who believe that there is only one life and we must live it to the fullest! Both have the right to respect. Apparently your girlfriend belongs to the second category. Respect her. Respect her choice.

However, you don't have to live your entire life as a lover. if you want your family and children. It is quite possible that after some time you will meet someone else... with whom you want a family and she will respond in kind... And this does not mean that you betrayed love... You still have it in its place. And you moved on with your life.

Congratulations to you!

Trotsenko Natalya Yurievna, psychologist Vladikavkaz

Good answer 3 Bad answer 0

Sometimes we are faced with serious problems - we suffer, worry, and don’t know what to do in difficult situations. life situations. Our life is sometimes unpredictable and fate often tests our strength. Each person has his basic life principles, which he, at the very least, tries to adhere to. And then suddenly such an unpredictable and wonderful feeling came - falling in love.

And you can’t brush it aside, it doesn’t give your soul peace, because you fell in love with a girl who is married.

“Yes,” you say to yourself, “I fell in love with married girl, and I don’t know what to do, and where is the way out of this situation?” That is, in other words, a love triangle has formed.

Having met a person—a girl—and “reached out to her with all my heart,” it’s difficult to think: does she have a husband, children, or is she free? Let's agree: answer questions honestly, without deceiving yourself first. Your exit and your decision depend on this - the psychologist is only trying to help you understand yourself.

The state of mind of a young man who fell in love with a married girl

If you happen to fall in love with a girl who is not single, but married, that makes life and your meetings much more difficult. A truly strong feeling that covers the man’s head - he does not understand what status his beloved is in. But, we can confidently say that in this case he will be overwhelmed by conflicting sensations. Firstly, he wants a simple, most ordinary happy daily coexistence with her. Naturally, receiving reciprocity.

Secondly, experiencing constant remorse. Especially if her family (with her husband) has children. It is clear that this situation is not easy, ambiguous and complex for a man. If he decides to go, obeying his first feeling, he should fight for his beloved only when the feeling is truly mutual, there is a common desire and goal. Only through joint efforts with this woman will he be able to make it easier for himself to get out of this difficult situation.

We answer difficult questions

1. The first and most main question- Do you have your own home? If you don’t have your own home, where will you bring your beloved woman to start a family with her? What if she has a child? Wandering around rented apartments is not an option. Don’t expect that the deceived husband will voluntarily show nobility and give you a place to live, while he himself goes nowhere - that doesn’t happen.
2. Are you ready to build a life together with the woman you love: in a month the first euphoria from your living together will pass. I won’t reveal a secret if I say that the most terrible enemy of love is everyday life. Imagine your responsibilities, the problems that you, as a man, must solve. Are you ready to make sacrifices for this person? How well do you know her character? Perhaps something is already bothering you? Take a closer look at your chosen one. It’s better now, before the family is destroyed! Talk to your loved one, ask if she wants life together with you?
3. Ask yourself: “If she left her husband for me, where is the guarantee that this will not happen to me again?” Put yourself in the place of the deceived husband! Nice? I think it’s unlikely. It’s not for nothing that the tired phrase sounds: “You can’t build happiness on someone else’s misfortune.” Even if your woman speaks badly about her husband, this does not mean that he really is like that. I don’t argue, maybe she doesn’t have strong feelings for her husband, maybe there is friendship and love: this is not a reason to meddle in a person’s personal life. And if a child loves his father, imagine: maybe the child will never accept you! Children are maximalists. Can you love someone else's child yourself? It's complicated.
4. When the girl got married, she, of course, loved this man who became her husband, since she bore him a child, and even more so - children. If there is no child in the family, this, of course, simplifies the problem, but does not solve it. It all depends on her attitude towards you: won’t she be afraid to radically change her life? The majority of people do not want to change their lives; it scares them. Do not rush your beloved to make a choice - here only time and your persistence FROM A FAR will help you.

• Loving from afar. The family should not be destroyed. There are simply no men who would not experience such a feeling as jealousy. There are those who do not create scandals over trifles.
  If the husband notices that a stranger is paying his wife great attention, caring for her, and she encourages him, a scandal in the family cannot be avoided. In this case, it will be difficult to continue your communication with your loved one. She could be seriously harmed.
• It is necessary to be with your beloved until the very end, despite her status as a married woman.. The girl she loves is married, but her feelings for her husband have cooled or gone completely. Moreover, her husband has the same attitude towards her - the love has passed, but there is a common habit. In this case, the man is recommended not to stop and achieve her, the only one, arranging his and her happiness by marrying her. Perhaps this time everything will be fine for both: both him and the girl he loves. Otherwise, if starting a family is not part of the plans, then a man should not “break up” her family.
• If a loved one, who is strongly attached to her father, does not have a good relationship with her mother’s friend, then in this case, the woman should be left with her legal spouse. A woman’s happiness with her new boyfriend will not work out because of the child, whose interests are a priority for her. In addition, not every man who is in love with a woman who has already “got married” is able to fall in love with her child. ex-husband. Should he, in this case, seriously pursue the woman, taking her away from the family? In this case, psychologists suggest limiting yourself to light, non-binding flirting.
• When courting a legally married girl, you should find out her desire. It is possible that a woman with whom a stranger (friend, colleague, acquaintance) is in love with her husband does not receive enough attention. And she needs it. It is important for her to understand and feel that she is loved, desired and necessary in her husband’s life. If there is respect in the family, she will not leave her husband, and she will not take a man “seriously” who is in love with her. So, she flirts with him a little, accepting his advances. He will torture him and leave him with nothing.
• It is possible that a married woman has secret dreams that her husband cannot fulfill or has no desire to fulfill. Then, the gentleman in love with her should find out what these secrets are and realize them as much as possible. There is a huge likelihood that such actions on the part of a man in love will lead to her becoming interested in him, which, perhaps, after some time, will develop into something more, but this usually works with mercantile women.
• A man in love with a married girl should build a plan of action to “conquer” her so as not to harm the reputation of both the woman and his own. The wishes of her child should also be taken into account if he was born in her marriage to her husband.
  In this case, the risk that their romance will be declassified is minimal. Especially if a future together is not part of their common plans.
• Pay attention to the girl free from all kinds of obligations. When conquering a woman who has the status of “married,” a man in love with her must be prepared for the fact that he may be beaten. Moreover, in the literal meaning of the word. If he understands that this kind of influence from her husband will inevitably happen, and he will not be able to respond in kind, as a result of which his health will be harmed, then he should abandon this idea - to look after and show signs of attention to this woman. It’s better to get acquainted with a young charmer - thereby trying to forget the object of your desires.

Loving a married woman is difficult - a man must find a way out himself

1. Firstly, if you fall in love with a married woman, you should not make decisions hastily, without thinking through this situation from all sides and without weighing all the consequences.
2. Secondly, if you are confident in yourself and your feelings, you should tell your beloved but already married girl about them. Let her decide who she needs most as a life partner.
3. Thirdly, with your problems you should contact a specialist psychologist or consult with a person you can trust.
4. Fourthly, you should always be prepared for the fact that meetings (until she makes her choice) will be very rare. On holidays, in the evenings, on weekends, she will stay with her husband. The girl will also decide and plan meetings, so she is not free.
5. Fifthly, the material issue is also important. If the husband is rich and generous, then it is practically impossible to win the affection of his wife.
6. Sixthly, and lastly. There are a huge number of beautiful, smart, economical, single girls and women of all ages, nationalities and specialties in the world, who have been married and don’t know family life. Among them you can definitely find someone who can help you cope with the problem of falling in love with an already married woman who has everything - both a husband and a child.

We need to try to start new life, seek your destiny. Yes, it’s difficult and there’s a burning sensation in your chest and you give up – it will pass! Men can cry too, but only so that no one sees! Crying is not a shame, only people with a heart of stone do not cry, and if the heart knows how to love, then it is alive, and not a stone at all. Don't ruin someone else's life - tomorrow yours will be at risk!

If you want to know how to seduce a married girl, then you probably found out from somewhere that she is married. In most cases, these questions are asked by those men who often intersect with these girls (for example, at school or at work). On the one hand, you like her. On the other hand, you are afraid that she might send you away in public and start gossiping with her friends, just like she rejected you. And besides, the whole team at work may think that you are “something wrong” for pestering a married girl.

However, it has been proven hundreds of times that married girls are not against having an affair with another man. It is important to simply choose the right key.

Since we have found out that you often meet with her (or you have the opportunity to see her regularly), then better to play more subtly. Those. attract her attention, evoke the right emotions, meet her, but not in the same way as they do with single girls, but somewhat differently.

Now you will understand what I mean.

Understand what she's missing

The emotional sphere of a person can be represented as black and white image, then you can see that the dark and light sides are at the same level. Any bias towards the light or dark side gives rise to the need for opposite emotions.

Light emotions include romance, kindness, care, love, etc. For the dark ones - jealousy, the desire to get the “forbidden fruit”, the desire to be humiliated and punished (this often applies to girls, although they themselves will try their best to deny this fact :)).

Over time, the feelings of married people begin to fade. This is a normal process.

And if at the very beginning of the relationship romance prevails, and the husband acts as a kind of “nice guy” (in most cases), then later the romance disappears, and the husband either remains a sweet, but not at all attractive guy. In this case, girl feels an urgent need for so-called “dark” emotions.

And vice versa, if he drinks often, goes out with friends, then she needs male attention, romance, etc.

Your #1 goal is to find out what emotions she needs and give them to her. .

To do this, try to make a portrait of her by answering the questions:

• what kind of life does she live
• who is her husband
• how often do they see each other
• what emotions does he give her?

Of course, you shouldn’t ask your female colleagues about this directly. Your powers of observation will work best, which will help you hear interesting facts about her at the right time.

If you ask male colleagues, you may come across statements like “You won’t succeed because...”. In this case, there is no need to argue with them - it is better to ask: “Yes?” and watch your colleague tell you fact after fact about her. Of course, you can continue to ask probing questions to get even more information. :)

To attract attention

Before you take action, you need to make her feel attracted to you (even if only a little).

This can be achieved by creating social proof (social proof), showing that all the people in your company take your opinion into account, laugh at your jokes and seek your attention.

To do this, it is enough to communicate more actively with everyone, joke and participate in collective life.

Also try to establish micro-communications with other girls. These micro-communications should be such that every time you are near them, you notice interesting details in their behavior, environment, voice your opinion out loud, joke and ask any questions.

The natural sense of rivalry between girls will do its job: in the eyes of each of them, after a very a short time you will become a very attractive man. And they will seek your attention.

Seduction process

In seducing married girls (especially in the initial stages) it is important to use occasions for meetings.

Direct offers to drink tea or coffee will be perceived as too obvious a hint. The thing is, even if a girl really likes you, she will... It is important to have an excuse not only to other people, but also to yourself.

For example, if you work with her, then tell her that you need her help with work. You can ask her if she can help you with writing a report or anything else. Even if you can do it yourself, you can still pretend that you need help.

During the meeting, try to give her those emotions that her husband does not give her.

And only later, when you feel that you are close to your intended goal, you can no longer use the reasons.

In some cases, some obstacles will await you: sex with another man for a married girl is not such an easy step. Even if she really needs the emotions you give her, she needs time to get used to the idea of ​​cheating.

In addition, many married girls are interested in an easy, non-binding romance. They don't need a serious relationship, and they want to be sure that if something happens, you can break up without unnecessary conflicts. Therefore, they will test the man for need. The most favorite way to do this is refuse a meeting or sex and see the reaction.

If, despite her refusal, you continue to be the same interesting, positive man who gives her the same emotions, then this will be a plus for you. If you get upset because of her refusal, then you will show weakness.

Observe these simple rules, and seducing a married woman will be very easy. But before you begin active actions, remember that they should only be started when both conditions match:

1. You really like her.
2. You feel that she is ready to cheat on her husband with you (those who are interested in the moral side of the issue should be reassured by the fact that her readiness to cheat will mean the absence of sincere feelings to your husband).

Otherwise, it is better to focus your efforts on available girls. Luckily there are enough of them around.

I join Simply Masha.

Life is long, everything can happen in it. But it’s better not to have affairs at work. Think about what you are risking - the whole team will instantly be aware of your sighs, the information will reach the family very quickly - it’s impossible to describe how much trouble there is. Two kids. Life will turn into hell. And as a maximum, you will have to leave work (if that), or she. And your reputation will be the subject of ridicule and jokes for a long time. What for?
Well, fantasize as much as you like. You're just flirting, but you're already imagining happy family with a new wife. ) Boy!
I would start writing 70 sentences about what you will lose and how your life will change. You need to start with negative scenarios. The girl will be incredibly flattered by your attention, family budget will cut back a little on expenses for her, then she will play with you. Maybe she wants to stay with her husband. Or maybe she will get tired of you in a couple of years. Besides, you have a trailer!

But if you really want it, then it’s better to find girls in a neutral environment - not at work or among friends. Here's to no connections with your environment, minimum risks and responsibility.

Author. 5 years ago I was told about the same thing, except that my son (at that moment was 4 years old) had a husband, my beloved was married, and had two children. They said a lot of things And that my child would be an orphan (fatherless), that I would be a sailor and abandoned and all that.. They even said that I would go crazy and end up in a yellow house But life goes on. My child communicates with his dad as much as he wants (and in the format he wants) and with the current man. Nobody abandoned me. I can ALWAYS count on my son's father. He's great. He does everything that needs to be done and his son relies on him for a lot of things. Including during my business trips, he fully provides for it. Pays child support. Moreover, over the years (now his son is 9), he and his father are getting closer and closer. His father is in a new relationship now (not married, cohabiting), a little strange from my point of view, but this is his life and he is quite happy. As for my second relationship... The man is divorced, we do not live together (due to a number of circumstances beyond our control and not related to divorces, etc.), but we are all free time together. Every day. All holidays and weekends. We have a common budget and so on. I can always count on him, my mother (and you just had to see how she was against this relationship) dotes on him. And son, not everything is smooth. BUT.... Look at how many topics when people did not dare to destroy their families and went into other realities (games, computers, alcohol, and at least work). Some have tried and are trying hard to improve relationships with their spouses. Like SUDDENLY we started walking hand in hand and projecting I-messages and everything just got better and all the farts were going on. I somehow don’t believe in this. As well as the fact that I have not seen a single happy couple after having affairs on the side. It all ends with anger at loved ones for not being able to. And no one has canceled the wife’s revenge (and who knows what it will be like). Many people cannot communicate with children because they perceive them as the cause of life’s troubles. Many cannot communicate with their spouses, that is, de jure the marriage is preserved, everything is honorable, but de facto such relationships exist. Is it correct? Should this be preserved? But while the egg is still in your butt, you are already dancing with the frying pan. You communicate with your passion. Trying not to advertise. Communicate closely. Did she want to? Would you like to? It will be difficult, but whether it will be BAD, as they write to you, only you will know and only in your power to make sure that the badness is minimal. I'm not calling for "destroy old world and on its fragments..”, but it’s also not worth listening to what kind of “if something” you’ll do. It’s also worth noting that the contingent (including me) of the forum are mostly aunties who have once experienced or are experiencing their husbands’ infidelity .. So transfers are common here, they are not telling you, they are telling themselves and their men: Good luck.

He's free , she is married. They meet secretly, in their relationship there is a lot of romance and even more lies. Someday everything will end, and most likely, badly. We roughly understand how she feels about this. What does it feel like for him as a lover with a married woman?

FROM THE EDITOR: By a strange coincidence, the name Marat appears in both stories sent by the authors. Otherwise, the stories of our heroes are different. And strongly.

My poor Marat-1

...I found out that she actually exists by accidentally attending performances with her participation. I remember one called “My poor Marat.” There, in Marat, I liked Vika. She played well. A beautiful, stately brunette, her eyes sparkled across six rows. Six months later, fate brought us together.

Orchestra and cognac

I played the trumpet in the institute orchestra, she came to our club to stage an amateur performance, and I took part in it: I performed a saxophone solo to a soundtrack. It was easy, but my comrades who played the dancers suffered a lot. You either do the pas de deux or you don’t, the soundtrack won’t save you.

While they were puffing away, Vika and I were chatting about everything backstage. One day she offered me cognac from a small flask:

— The real one, my sister brought it from France. Very tasty.

I soon realized: it smells like close relationships. It was exciting, but also scary: where will I find money for French cognac when her supplies run out?

In the midst of rehearsals, I fell ill. He returned to the institute from the hospital after the concert. She's gone. I don’t know where to look, and I don’t know if it’s necessary. She found me herself. We met, then again and again. In general, it began.

AT THE MOMENT OF GETTING CLOSER, THERE IS A SPECIAL SADDNESS, DOOM, SOMETHING IN THE EYES OF SUCH WOMEN...

I broke up with my previous loves. And she admitted that she was married and had no intention of breaking up. She didn’t wear a ring, but I had guessed this before, I just didn’t specifically ask. There is a special sadness in the eyes of such women at the moment of rapprochement, a preliminary doom or something. And even narcissism in light of these almost tragic circumstances. At the same time, the fact of marriage does not stop them in any way; it only adds spice to the emerging romance. As for me, I didn’t care, I was just interested in life, I didn’t plan to worry about anything.

My beloved’s husband, a theater director by profession, was no longer young, bald, and drove his old Opel poorly. He staged various celebrations like weddings and was envious of his successful colleagues.

Ease and complexity

It turned out that at first wives who cheat on their husbands easily talk about their legal spouses, but after a while jealousy and guilt appear, and this becomes a taboo topic. At the beginning of our relationship, Vika didn’t even hesitate to answer her husband’s call when we were in bed. I thought it was funny.

She considered herself a much more mature person than me, although she was only four years older and real life I couldn’t think of a damn thing. For example, I went to the bank to pay bills for her - Vika was terrified of filling out receipts.

At first, wives cheating on their husbands are infinitely easy to communicate with. Vika did not demand anything and was grateful for every little thing. I gave her almost no gifts, rarely called or wrote, and was not particularly generous with compliments. We couldn’t see each other often, so every meeting was a holiday even without all this. However, from the very beginning she did not skimp on tender words, she perfectly remembered all my habits and indulged them. We can say that in a sense, Vika spoiled me: I could have been more attentive to women than is the case now.

Finally, she was a real beauty, next to her, besides her husband, there was a crowd of admirers, and our connection simply flattered my vanity.

However, the heat subsided. After a few months, I clearly saw the real outlines of my disaster, but I could no longer do anything. Whether you want to become attached to a person or not is not something you can control.

Victoria and victory

We couldn't go anywhere together. Vicky knew half the city. Sometimes I met her while walking in the center. She was usually not alone and looked past. We carefully made our way to evening cinema sessions, sometimes sat in a cafe - that’s all we went out into the world. If she met someone, I became empty space. When people are shy and hide you, it’s terribly annoying.

We couldn't help each other, support each other when needed. I couldn’t introduce her to my friends, and she couldn’t introduce me to hers. And this is a very important part of the relationship. Valentina, Vicki’s only friend, whom she introduced me to, treated me very warily and soon openly asked me to “stop tormenting Victoria.”

Later, I really began to torment Vika in a natural way. He called at the wrong time, on purpose. I made sure that she stayed with me, causing problems with her husband. On the street I took her hand and went in to kiss her. In short, he aggravated the situation in every possible way. I wanted us to be a real couple. However, now I understand that I needed not so much Vika as a victory.

Jealousy and envy

I couldn't accept that there was someone else between us, no matter how corny it may sound. Jealousy and envy ruled me. Just think: she’s probably sleeping with him! This did not allow me to live in peace. Everything in my life somehow went wrong. I began to commit violations of labor discipline. Increased aggressiveness began to appear. From October to March, I got into fights three times and was taken to the police. One of the skirmishes cost me a broken nose and a scar on my eyebrow.

“You’re simply uncontrollable,” Vika told me playfully, pouring brilliant green into the wound.

She said she wanted me to find another girl, but that was a lie. No matter what people tell you in such a situation, they are using you. It is very unpleasant to realize this, although it is not their fault.

Vika liked to say: you need to enjoy every moment, why think about what will happen next. Fairy tales for drug addicts. You can’t invent a world for yourself and not leave it. A person always wants to know what is ahead of him. Yes, any relationship can end badly, not just ones like ours. But other options should at least theoretically be envisaged. I'm not talking about plans, but about a sense of perspective. However, Vika was happy with everything—that’s what I mean by use.

Bye-bye baby!

We broke up in May. In total, almost a year, of which a good third was a time of debilitating self-criticism.

“I’ve never felt so good with anyone,” said Vika, saying goodbye.

I thought it would be great if her husband could hear it. And he answered out loud with the same banality:

- Bye-bye baby. Turn to the right, I will remember you well. Another hot summer is ahead, I hope you will be happy.

That's all. Let me summarize. Global ambush of relations with married woman is that the man turns out to be a loser in any case. (I'm really talking about love. If you are so enlightened that you easily remain faithful to non-binding sex and just envy and fall silent.)

With this option for developing relationships, everything is clear: we are losing time - the most valuable thing we have. We get on each other's nerves, humiliate ourselves, break our noses. The atmosphere of constant lies, she is tormented by a guilt complex, he is tormented by thoughts about why all this is necessary.

But here is the second option: male pressure overcomes girlish fear, and the young lady decides to leave her legal husband. Will the hero be happy? No, and that’s right - there’s nothing! It is a trap. Because in her eyes (and in his, and in the eyes of others), he is now responsible for her. Took him away from his husband - now you drive. Get married! She broke her family, sacrificed stability, and completely relied on you! How will you get out?

The same thing happens when a man leaves his family for his mistress. They immediately rush to have children and start their own family. In general, to prove something to someone. Stereotypes, what to do.

However, of course, life experience is useful. Any. And there's another hot summer ahead.

Anton Fedotov

My poor Marat-2

I’ll say right away: I’m sorry that this happened. Usually people don’t think about the consequences of their actions... or they do, but shrug it off. I knew from the very beginning how everything would turn out.

I remember it was raining...

And when it rains, I don’t go outside. This is my principle. But then the phone rang, I picked it up, and my friend said to me:

- I’ll come to you now. And not alone. I'll come with the girls.

I replied that I would be glad, although I recently woke up and looked like a shirt that had been ironed on one side: I slept for almost eleven hours and, apparently, all the time on my right side.

Friend said:

- They don't care what you look like. They are good.

The girls turned out to be good. We had a good time, I mean we chatted. One of them was called Sasha, and the other was Marina. Then Sasha began dating my friend, and Marina became friends with me. Literally. She liked me as a man, but I didn’t like her as a woman. But it was interesting for the two of us.

One day, when we were lying on the roof of my house, I told her: “I’m waiting for Marat to visit.” - “Who is Marat?” - “Childhood friend.” “I hope he won’t bother us,” answered Marina. And she turned over on her back.

Marat, as always, was late. He appeared when we were about to go down to the apartment. He lit a cigarette and silently handed the pack to Marina.

It looked like a scene from an old movie, but I knew my friend had a habit of showing off, which I warned Marina about in advance. She chuckled, but then he treated her to tobacco, and Marina accepted the invitation. It was instant sympathy. I was not embarrassed by this turn: I was still indifferent to her as a woman.

They got married in July...

Marat got drunk during the celebration, almost got into a fight with Marina’s father, and was also ready to throw himself from the tenth floor balcony. I have already said that he is eager for spectacular actions...

After the wedding, everything went as before, and then gradually deteriorated. Marat quarreled with his superiors and left his job. I didn’t earn enough for a normal life, I became relaxed and lost track. Women are not too ready to tolerate such an order. Marina, we must pay tribute, behaved correctly for some time, and yet they began to quarrel.

One summer I came to visit them. As I walked up the stairs, I heard them shouting at each other two floors above. Then the door opened and Marina jumped out. When she saw me, she said that she couldn’t go on like this anymore, she was going to her parents. At least for the weekend - live in an empty apartment while everyone is out of town. Marina offered to go with her, and I agreed. Then we sat in the kitchen, ate, read magazines. Then we went to bed and fell asleep. In the morning we had breakfast and slept casually. I didn’t think about anything, but Marina was determined. She admitted that she finally realized that she had made a mistake. Not now, but when she married Marat. I was not ready for such a plot twist and let her know it.

Marina understood. We spent the whole day with her, and in the evening Marat arrived and began breaking into the apartment. I was sitting in the kitchen and really wanted to fall through the floor. It was only at that moment that it chilled me to the bone. What happened began to seem like an idiotic, vulgar sketch that needed to be deleted from memory. However, I could not help but admit that their marriage had no prospects, and, in addition, Marina showed me a different side. I already said that I was indifferent to her as a woman, but sex put everything in its place.

She didn’t open the door for Marat...

We went back to bed. Each time it got better and better, the fog dissipated, I began to feel something, but I still had sex, as if trying to drown out a toothache. I kept in my mind and heart all the time that Marat... And I did it again - for two months.

Marina told Marat that she would live with her parents for a week, then a second. Marat visited me regularly and was frank. And I learned that the degree of human baseness has no limits. And that people living in lies are no different from honest people. Their hooves do not grow, their faces do not become distorted. I gave way to pedestrians when I was driving, I didn't do bad things at work, I was polite, and so on. At the same time, I met with Marat, supported him (and sincerely!), he left me inspired, after which Marina came to me, almost sneaking along the walls, and we brutally tortured each other in bed. Well what can I say.

I woke up at night in panic...

A couple of times he roared like a beluga out of self-loathing. Two months of hell. Sixty-one days of high.

And here's another thing. If before Marina was drawn to me, and I perceived her as a friend, now the situation has changed. Marina only wanted sex from me, but I began to feel something similar to love for her. We talked about this, and I realized that a spoon is dear to dinner - Marina does not need either Marat or me. Time passed, she grew up faster than us. I felt like I was becoming a story from her past. Marina is waiting for other men who will lead her. They will not invite her to sunbathe on the roof of a block house, they will not bother her with reflections. These guys will be made from one piece of material, no seams.

NOW I KNOW: WHITE AND BLACK HAVE SHADES. AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE EITHER KIND OR COOL.

Now I know that there are other shades besides black and white. And you don’t have to be either kind or cool. Then I believed that I was kind, although in reality, to be honest, I was - for example, in relation to Marat - a natural pig. And it seemed to me that Marina would really go to the strong. I hated myself for it, and she too. And he began to love her even more. Complicated story.

Two months later she left...

“I met a man and I want to be with him,” said Marina.

As you can see, I was right. But not completely.

Marina dated this man for six months. With another one, also serious, three months. I forgot about her, tried to forget. We talked with Marat; besides, I got good girl. Life began to return to normal. And suddenly Marina appeared on Marat’s doorstep. She didn't ask for forgiveness, she just said she wanted to try again. Marat, without saying a word, let her into the house and never let her out again. They are still together. We do not talk.

...I still sometimes freeze in horror at what I did. And every time I freeze at the unexpected ringing of the doorbell. I'm afraid it's Marat who found out everything. However, no, I’m not afraid, on the contrary, I want it to be him, so that he’ll hit me in the eye. Only he doesn’t come and come, and he does the right thing. This The best way to take revenge - to make me spend the rest of my life in torment.

Vyacheslav Vasiliev

Read more complicated love stories here:

• I'm dating my friend's ex Fascinatingly…
  It would be interesting to read more, send it by email.

  OK

  We have sent a confirmation email to your email.