I thought I was in love. What to do if you fall in love and become dependent on a man

When I was 21, I thought I fell in love with him.

It was an underage love, full of doubts and worries. It was lustful love, physical attraction and an inner desire to be desired by only one person. I knew it was wrong, but this was the first time this happened to me, so I thought it was for real.

When I was 23, I thought I fell in love with him.

He was 5 years older than me and loved me very much. He was ready to do anything to make me happy, but I was too selfish. I didn't want to sacrifice my plans to help our relationship survive. He wanted a family, but I didn’t yet. He wants to move in together, but I didn’t want to immerse him in my lifestyle, in my group of friends.

It was a short but whirlwind romance, but soon the candle burned out and the seriousness became unattractive and frightening. I stopped liking how much he liked me.

When I was 25, I fell in love with him.

We started out as friends who joked that we couldn't date anyone seriously, that we couldn't feel true love, and that we didn't want to consider anyone else's opinion when making decisions.

And although I tried hard to avoid any kind of relationship, everything happened without my consent. Everything developed somehow organically; at first I didn’t even recognize her. Simple, cheerful conversations “without tension” turned into...

Our first date when he picked me up at the airport to start our 6 week camper trip.

It was strange. I didn’t feel the proverbial butterflies, there wasn’t a lyrical soundtrack playing in my head, and our first kiss didn’t happen the way I imagined (which is about 50 years ago). different ways). It was all a little awkward, but real.

Over the past few years, love has developed into something I never could have imagined.

This is something so simple, but at the same time sublime.

It's just sitting on the couch together in your pajamas.

This is when you are comfortable even being silent together.

It's being 100% yourself, no matter how strange it may be, and knowing that your partner is the same.

This is trying to do something that may be inconvenient for you, but to make your partner feel good.

This is the first time to hear your own laughter, so sincere that even you yourself are surprised. And since then you hear it more and more often, because with this person you laugh so much every day.

It's being vulnerable. And even your slightest complexes become unimportant, because he doesn’t care about them. It's not that he doesn't see them, but he just doesn't attach any importance to them.

It's about thinking about the future together. Make plans and support each other in every endeavor.

It's saying what you think, because if it's important to you, then it's important to him.

It's recognizing that some things about him may drive you crazy, but choosing to focus on what he does well.

Love is not butterflies in the stomach. This is comfort, safety and reliability.

It is different for everyone, at different stages of life. I decided not to settle for mediocre love and found something special as a reward.

I found best friend, which I adore.

Hello dear readers of the Samprosvetbyulleten blog!

"What should I do if I fell in love?and became dependent on the man. I think about him all the time, I’m fixated on him and I understand that I can’t live like this any longer. I try to intersect with him more and live first in anticipation of such short meetings, and then in memories of them. It seems to me that he is also not indifferent to me and is about to do something specific, for example, invite me somewhere. But, if for several months now we have simply crossed paths in common places, sometimes we talk a little or just exchange a few phrases,” Victoria writes.

« What to do if you fall in love and can no longer live without him. This is probably a dependence on a man, because without him I feel bad and lonely. We already have a close relationship, and in the pauses between our meetings I feel obsessed, I have insomnia and I freak out about any reason, I don’t really know me. Once he disappeared for a couple of days and I became hysterical. After that, he became colder with me and said that he didn’t need me. I'm afraid I scared him with my addiction. What can I do to fix everything, how to become stronger and more independent?” — writes Marina.

You can find out how amorous you are from the test →.

Fell in love and became dependent on a man

Falling in love can, unnoticed by you, turn into obsession and addiction. It all starts with the usual signs of falling in love:

You can not sleep,
you lose your appetite
you constantly look at the phone, waiting for it to call,
you think about him all the time,
spend most of your time trying to figure out what went wrong between you, why he didn't call, didn't look in your direction, seemed indifferent, and so on.

In themselves, such signs of falling in love are not dangerous until they begin to destroy you and your life.

If the worries and experiences of falling in love take complete control of your body and thoughts, and you live on the grains of a man’s attention that he bestowed on you, or even just the memories of such attention, then you have already fallen into addiction.

Such an attitude in love actually only harms, as I often tell my clients. Some people answer me that they are simply emotional and very feminine, it is difficult for them to be rational and think soberly when they are in love.

Obsession and dependence have nothing to do with femininity. Even if you are sensitive and vulnerable by nature, this does not mean that you have to lose yourself in order to be with a man.

What to do if you fall in love and lose yourself

In love, it’s just the opposite: we support a man’s desire to constantly strive for us when we reduce his importance in our lives.

I know that it is easier said than done, especially if you are already at the mercy of feelings and no rational beliefs work on you. But there is a wonderful way to start changes, without exhausting and painful work on yourself - this is to move in small steps.

Step 1 - Reduce Significance

Ask yourself questions:

Have you ever changed your daily schedule for the sake of your crush?
Have you tried to coordinate your plans around it?
Have you planned what to say when you're around him?
Did you try to make him fall in love with you, went out of your way, forgetting to just be yourself?
Did you think that his bad mood and coldness were your fault?
Did you think that when he moves away from you you need to be nicer, friendlier and more understanding?

If you've done all this, then the first step you need is to reduce the importance of this man in your life.
Make sure he isn't your only priority.

This means:

do not plan your time based on it;
stop trying specifically to please him and make him fall in love with you;
stop being nice and understanding when he acts disrespectfully towards you.

As soon as you stop pleasing a man by adjusting your life to him, you will immediately notice changes.

Firstly, you will understand whether a man is actually interested in you, whether he has the potential to develop a relationship with you, or whether he was just reflecting your attention.

Secondly, the attitude of men in general and your object of adoration in particular will change. You will become more attractive. Because you naturally hold on without trying to specifically please him. You trust yourself enough to be yourself without caring what he thinks of you, there is no pressure coming from you.

Step 2 - Change Focus

Now you have concentrated all your energy and thoughts on the object of your adoration, and have completely lost sight of your own life and your destiny.

Our thinking is driven by purpose. If you don't have a goal in life, you wander around like a hedgehog in the fog, with no idea where you'll end up.

Determine your purpose in life and shift your focus from your man to that purpose.

Sharpen your perception of your life prospects. When you know your goal, you know where to go and what to do, your self-confidence increases, your days are filled with meaning, you experience positive emotions.

Each person has abilities and needs, the implementation of which gives us happiness and a feeling of fullness of life. Set goals according to your needs according to the following plan:

Imagine what your goal looks like.
State your goal.
Think about what it takes to achieve your goal.
What obstacles may arise on the way to the goal.
Who can support you on the way to your goal.
Think through specific activities to achieve your goal.

Stop wandering around the vicious circle of your experiences of falling in love. Liven up, feel your interests in life. The less you focus your energy on him and more on your life goals, the sooner you will arouse his interest in you.

With the client’s permission, I will give an excerpt from her letter after the consultation.

“After I began to devote more time to myself and my interests, I began to receive more attention from him. He began to look for me himself, waiting for me on all corners to chat about some little things. He tilts his head towards me when we chat, listens carefully, I see that what I say is important to him, especially when it concerns him. I see that he is comfortable with me. I noticed that when other women try to engage him in conversation, he interacts with them more out of politeness and is quicker in a hurry to get rid of them, glancing in my direction with excitement. But now I don’t adjust my time to him, and I don’t wait for him to talk to others in order to pay attention to me. I follow my schedule, constantly keep my goals in mind and am happy to see how now he has started to run after me,”— Oksana writes.

These two steps of de-emphasizing men and focusing on your own goals are actually easy to do if you want them to. Before you change anything in yourself and your life, you must want it yourself. It's up to you to decide whether you allow your crush, obsession, or addiction to rule your life, or whether you will consciously build your love life.

xxx: and then I was cute in the “C” grade, I washed off my makeup at home, I thought so of course, and it wasn’t clear that I needed it, probably candles, I don’t know about dinner, but Kolya was able to do it, and then you understood
wow: oh I'm so happy for you
zzz: I just realized that “Kolya could”... Apparently, he is a heroic person.

xxx: I thought it was 22, but mine writes that he wants to take a couple of days off)
uuu: what 22 thought?
xxx:Yeah :)
uuu:whaha???what was 22 thinking, either I’m a fool, or the skis don’t work!
xxx: yes about 22 =)
wow: what the hell is 22??? I don’t fucking understand what you’re talking about!
xxx: well, you write to me, why did I think 22, so I write yes =)
uuu: ok, forget it...

conversation with my wife yesterday:
Don't you know, good doctor?
I> yes, it seems, but what, I’m sick
No, I was thinking about removing the lower ribs to make my waist thinner
I> this is not for him, but for Goodwin
F> does he also work in our hospital? good doctor?
I> no, he’s not local, he works in another city, in emerald green. I don’t know how good he is, but he definitely helped some people with their brains.

So why am I an asshole after this?

After a corporate party in the morning, I look through my outgoing messages with fear. To my surprise, after the holiday began, there was only one number dialed. At 5 am. Very familiar, but not in the phone book. I thought for a long time. Then I understood. MY. Eyewitnesses said she was looking for a cell phone.

I was returning from work, tired as a dog, I remembered that the dog hadn’t walked at my house since 6 in the morning, as if it hadn’t shitted there.
Think; I need to call her to get ready, put the collar on and all that, then the thought crossed her mind that she doesn’t seem to have a phone and only then!!! It's a fucking DOG!!! I nervously lit a cigarette and thought that I needed to go on vacation.

xxx: Good morning) such a joke, I didn’t have breakfast at home this morning, I decided to go have a snack on the second floor, right here in the business center.
I went to the second floor. a guy passes by. I ask him:
- where is the CAFE?
he's like this to me:
- DINING ROOM? here she is!
I come closer and read: "RESTAURANT"

from LJ (talking about domestic rabbits):
Yeah, that means I saw enough of the same thing, squeaked, fell in love, started it. I started it, let's look after and love. At first there were vegetables and fruits for her, that’s all normal, and then she stopped eating all that. I give her rabbit pistachios, she gives zero weight. She started gnawing wallpaper and wires. I hit her in the cage, she hits her head on it with a running start, and so on for an hour. I'm not a flayer either, I let him out. She freaked out and went and broke the baseboards. Forgive me. Then she fell in love with meat, sausage and sweets. I started drinking only jelly and nothing else, then I learned to climb onto the table and steal everything tasty from there. And what? he runs around shitting, but when he starts playing, he often doesn’t go to his toilet, he eats, he steals sweets and meat from the table, and he eats the sofa like crazy. Wonderful beast))

How good it is to take a piss in the morning,
Then, stepping off the porch barefoot,
Admire the quiet world
And think to yourself: “Fuck,
The moon is pale in the sky.
Dew. It's going to be a nice day."
And drinking companion Volodya
Push me off the couch: - Let's have a drink, listen.
Such a sunrise, and you're still asleep!
Peter Wolf

My colleague made me laugh this morning.
Yesterday he received a receipt from the tax office for payment of transport tax.
Moreover, the receipt was issued to his daughter, the car is an Audi A6. In their family
There hasn't been an Audi since I was born, although there are other cars. Now he called in front of me
to the tax office, then to the state. register, then to the traffic police, clerks everywhere send it
and they shout that there is no mistake and there cannot be.
Everything would be fine, but his daughter turns 11 months old the other day! :)))))

Finally, you waited for the moment when that same flame of love lit up in your heart, which at the sight of the “charming prince” flares up with such force that it becomes impossible to breathe, the surrounding reality begins to blur, your legs give way, your hands shake. And it doesn’t matter that friends and acquaintances laugh at your ridiculous face when HE appears in your field of vision. You're in love, period. How does a man feel when he falls in love?

How to understand that the “process of falling in love” has already started

It was during the Middle Ages that men “howled” serenades under the balcony of their beloved and committed unthinkable acts. This is rare now. Often the girl makes the first step, and the guy turns his nose up in anticipation of proof of boundless love. Well, okay, let's get back to our topic.

To fully understand how the feelings of a man in love manifest themselves, you need to give real examples. Here's one of them.

A guy meets a girl and for some inexplicable reason she gives him her phone number. This is one of the most common cases, because a modern girl doesn’t think twice about it, because love is needed now, and there are few good guys left. And in our case, the guy is the coolest. So, he asks the girl out on a date and she agrees.

If the “process of falling in love” is started, then he will not just come to the meeting. Colossal preparations are coming before this. On the eve of the date, he always strongly:

gets nervous;
gets excited;
gets emotional (reminds me of nothing?).

A guy in love will replay the future date several times, think about in the smallest detail what he will say, what he will look like, what position he will sit in so that the light falls correctly (the only thing missing is calming pills).

When he meets the object of his adoration, he will feel strong excitement, his eyes will become heavy, his gaze will drop. Yes, yes, only a man in a state of love lowers his eyes. Everything inside is turning upside down, thoughts are confused, hands can’t control themselves and they reach out to scratch even something that can’t be scratched at all.

During dinner (watching a movie, walking), his gaze will constantly be fixed on... his lips. It is the devouring of this part of the woman’s face with his eyes that indicates that he is not indifferent to his opponent. At the same time, feelings are boiling, it feels as if you are about to fly into heaven, your stomach is seething from the presence of butterflies. At this moment, he wants her with all his heart, with all his soul and with all parts of his body (well, you get the idea).

You, dear reader, cannot imagine how a man feels when he looks at her. During the entire date, he will mentally kiss, hug, undress the girl several times and do with her everything that his imagination is capable of. And believe me, they have many layers, especially when it comes to THAT SAME.

At first, a man in love will never touch his chest and butt (no matter how appetizing it may be). This is a hint that everything will be limited to just one date, or rather, one passionate night. If he experiences feelings, then the first touch will be intended for the face, namely the cheek.

When he is in love, his thoughts and behavior change dramatically. Every morning awakening is accompanied by thoughts about her. Every phone call causes a start and a rapid heartbeat.

Now he:

attentive;
Kind;
affectionate;
indulgent.

His facial expressions and gestures also undergo enormous changes. Sometimes he:

breaks into a smile (read about this in the article);
flails his arms like an idiot;
prefers to be sad.

You can often see a picture when, being in the company of his friends, he sits, staring at the wall (it acts as a world of fantasy and the most vulgar desires). The epiphany comes only when everyone starts laughing loudly at his blurry face and comparing the fool with a man who drank a liter without a snack (they just don’t know what it’s like to fall in love).

A man in love always pretends to be pretty. Everything he does is perfect and smooth. He's just afraid of seeming bad. Eh, love, love...

The woman he likes simply takes up residence in his head. It feels like she programmed the brain and controls it as she wants. He can no longer think about anyone or anything. Only she is the most beautiful and beloved. Any desire to be distracted still leads to thoughts about her. Every time he remembers her smell, hair color, smile, look, voice. And then an epiphany comes: that’s it, it’s over... the feeling of love has overwhelmed me.

No matter how brutal, strict, callous and self-confident a man is, falling in love with a girl will break him in half and crush his stubbornness into a cake. Ultimately, self-esteem will decrease if it remains cold.

A man who cares about a woman always shows interest in her life, or rather in the little things. At every given opportunity, he will learn:

what color is the stripe on the dress;
what she is doing at the moment;
who put a scratch on the car;
why did she go for washing powder, etc.

Falling in love always provokes an interest in details. Therefore, if he is interested in something that should not interest him, he has fallen in love.

Pay attention! A guy who is “hooked” on a girl will always agree and nod his head even in those moments when he categorically disagrees with her.

And further. Control and more control. More precisely, constant surveillance of the object of adoration. Even in forty-degree frost, he will stand and point with immobilized fingers at his phone to see her photos on VK or Facebook. Only a man in love will stand in the middle of the road when the traffic light turns red and read her message or letter several times with a stupid smile on his face. And he doesn’t care that an angry man is sitting in one of the cars and wants to throw him off the bridge.

He will definitely:

call at a time when it is not necessary;
appearing at a moment when he is not expected;
be on the network when it shouldn’t be there.

If a guy likes a girl, he will take new actions every time. For example, if yesterday he invited his beloved to a restaurant, then tomorrow he will invite him to the cinema. On the third day he will ask to meet her after work, on the fourth he will hint that it’s time to visit (read on this topic -). That is, every day is a new “trick” (it is not clear why this is justified, but for some reason some men are confident that they are geniuses in coming up with cool ideas).

Here is another sign that speaks of a feeling of falling in love young man. After several dates, he will definitely take a break, that is, he will simply stop calling. And this is not because he doesn’t want to see her, but because he wants to seem like an unshakable and tough MAN.

Over time, he will still lose his temper and call, come, kiss, hug, confess...

And finally... Many men in love, after being wounded by Cupid's arrow, try to fight their feelings by drowning in the arms of other girls. And again, it is difficult to explain what is going on in their heads at this moment. Perhaps he is afraid that the woman he loves will reject him, or is simply afraid of a serious relationship.

If you made the right conclusions from the article, then now it will be easier for you to understand male nature. Make men fall in love with you and watch them fall in love. After all, love is an amazing feeling!

Sometimes love creeps up unnoticed, how do you understand that you love? For this game you need a beautiful girlfriend, and the rest doesn’t matter...

We have all fallen in love and been in love at least once. Sometimes love sneaks up unnoticed and strikes you like lightning on a cloudless day. How not to miss a beat and feel the development of sympathy and infatuation into love? How to understand that you have fallen in love and not miss the moment of love?

For this game you need a beautiful box, a beautiful girlfriend, and the rest doesn’t matter... Film “Love Me If You Dare”

1. The object of sympathy is always in sight

No matter what she does or where she is, she is always invisibly present nearby. She is the one you notice in the crowd and constantly cross paths with her in different places, even if you didn’t agree, you hear about her from friends, and her “online” avatar on social networks makes your heart beat faster. It seems that fate is deliberately pitting her against you. This is all for a reason and this is definitely the tricks of a smart-ass Cupid!

2. Her constant disadvantage

You miss her when she's not around. And when you are nearby, you are already thinking about the next meeting. You forget about friends, acquaintances, studies and work. Friends say that you exchanged them for a “woman”, but they don’t judge, they themselves constantly fall for someone.

Are you ready to sacrifice everything free time to spend it with her. She is present in all plans for the weekend and 5 more days a week, and nights too. This is definitely one of the signs that you are in love.

3. Romance and love

There’s something completely incomprehensible going on with your music playlist on your phone or computer. Where did love songs come from among metal and rock? And you constantly listen to the songs on her social network page to try to understand how she feels.

Music reflects the state of the soul. And sometimes you yourself throw songs at her, trying to convey something through music that you’re afraid to say or even think about. But what is this, do you really think that this is love...

4. Kitty, you are my drug

It is like an obsession, like an obsession, a thought is a virus. You think about her constantly and even talk about her in your mind. She sits in your head naked and wrapped like a gift with a ribbon. He sits there and is silent, occasionally humming a song to himself. Sleep doesn’t help either, she plays the main character in the TV series “Santa Barbara”. Yes, this is one of the clear signs of love.

5. She's perfect

The world has never seen anyone like beautiful girls like her, except for Marilyn Monroe. But when was this? She is a combination of all the qualities you love: smart, beautiful, charming, kind, passionate and sexy. Well, how can you not love this?

6. Are you ready to change?

Few things force a person to change. better side, and even fewer people because of whom we want to do this. Not only are you ready, but you are changing for the better. Good changes always lead to love, and big changes always lead to great love.

7. Who can I talk to about it?

You are looking for advice on how to win women from friends, on the Internet and to yourself. You are ready to share your experiences about her with friends, although you share more with yourself. You want to talk about it even with passers-by in order to fill your life with it even more, but for some reason they run away in panic. Bro, love is preparing to cover you completely!

8. You let your feathers down

We can't believe our eyes, buddy. Damn, you finally went out shopping to buy yourself some fashionable things! You began to play sports intensively, finally bringing your body into perfect shape, stop drinking and drink carrot juice. This is not without reason, your body is preparing for love and reproduction!

9. You want her

You want to hug her, hold her hand, and her lips, telling a funny story, want to kiss her until her cheekbones hurt. You write poems to her and read them on your knees in the entrance. But mentally you are torn by the desire to bring tenderness and romance, and to fuck her roughly right here, on the windowsill. The combination of romance and sexual attraction is very similar to love.

10. You make plans together

You thought about children, family and the common cat Murzik. Well, what else can I say? Maybe this is true love?

If you answered yes to most of the questions, then you're screwed, buddy! Yes, yes, you fell in love, and this is definitely love...