Ksenia, Ulyanovsk

What should I do if my husband is Muslim and I am Orthodox?

Hello. Our situation is not easy. We have a mixed family: my husband is Muslim, I am Orthodox. Misunderstandings and quarrels occur on this basis. When the child was born, under the pressure of my husband’s parents, we performed a Muslim naming ceremony. In turn, we baptized the child secretly from my husband. I have been tormented by my conscience about this for a long time. But I don’t know how to lie, so I told my husband everything, and there was a big scandal. Since then I have been between two fires. My mother says bad things about her husband and his faith, and the husband, therefore, teaches the child Tatar prayers and tells him not to listen to his grandmother, and tells her not to take him to church. They all say this to me, I get upset and don’t know what to do. It is very difficult to maintain neutrality; you don’t want to offend anyone. What to do in such a situation?

Hello! I agree with you - the situation is complex and ambiguous. Moreover, the ambiguity is most likely in you. The husband said, and “ we performed a Muslim ceremony" Grandma said, and " we baptized the child" Where are YOU yourself? With whom? The husband is a Muslim and, naturally, would like his child to adhere to the roots of Islam. Your mother belongs to Orthodoxy and wants it to be her way, but at the same time she gave her daughter in marriage to a Muslim, which, according to life practice, usually leads to “ children's» question. Was this issue discussed before the wedding?

The book “The Helmsman,” which contains the rules of the Ecumenical and Local Councils of the Orthodox Church, which determine the attitude of the church community to a particular religious or life problem, warns Christians against marriages with people of other faiths and adherents of sects. Protecting your children and their children from the trouble of falling away from Christ. You got caught...

Now the spiritual destiny of the child is in your hands. The situation will not resolve itself. The choice that you avoided making before the wedding is catching up with you.

The Gospel says:

I did not come to bring peace, but a sword (Matthew 10.34).

A Christian, having received Holy Baptism, enters the army of the Heavenly King. Whether he will fight for his Lord or betray his oath - the choice is his.

Maybe, for the sake of family peace, you will decide to give up and let " Islamization"of your family. Including yourself. But I hope you will feel the heartfelt need to find the sincere Faith of Christ yourself. But not formal: “ I am Orthodox because I was baptized as a child”, but consciously, accepting Christ as HIS savior and God. By praying, studying Holy Scripture, reading the Holy Fathers of the Church and observing and learning the depths of God’s mercy towards man in general and us in particular, you will be able to illuminate both your child and your spouse with the light of your faith. In Islam, Christ is revered as a prophet, and, knowing Orthodox teaching, you can show the true dignity of the Son of God. It's up to you to choose.

We ask you: try to prayerfully find a spiritual father who will help you move through life, prompting and warning you against dangers, abruptness and relaxation. Give, Lord, spiritual wisdom to all of us!

In an emancipated society, the question of how to please your husband is not very relevant. Overwhelming majority modern women will tell you that you don’t need to please anyone, because you are an independent, integral person, and you should, first of all, be loved, and not exploited in your own interests.

Marry a Muslim: aspects of a future marriage

It's no secret that in Islam there are centuries-old traditions, which cannot be violated. And if you decide to connect your life with a representative of this religion, you must be fully prepared to learn to submit to your spouse.

Let’s assume that your romance is developing so rapidly that Mendelssohn’s solemn march is already ringing in your head, and you can almost imagine the portrait of your future child together. But everything is complicated by the fact that your chosen one lives according to the Koran. If you have given your heart to a Muslim, you will have to learn to live according to other people's traditions and abide by other people's laws.

It's no secret how zealously the representatives of this culture honor its commandments. Allah is sacred to them, and they can only live according to his laws. Of course, if we are talking about real Muslims, and not about Europeanized representatives of eastern countries.

What is your role?

So, if you have seriously fallen in love with a Muslim, you should know what you should do next to build a family and marry him.

In the near future you should do the following:

• Meet his parents, and will certainly please them. True, even in the second case, no one will guarantee that they will be ready to sacrifice their principles and allow a Christian woman to stay in their home. It's no secret that Muslims try to choose representatives of the same religion as life partners for their children. And if they are categorically against you purely out of religious convictions, you can forget about your Eastern prince forever. People who live according to the laws of the Koran respect and honor their parents more than anyone else in the world. And their opinion is guaranteed to become decisive for them, even if the man himself loves you “ until your heart stops" How to please your future husband and his mother? First, you need to look modest. When going to your first acquaintance, forget about the existence of miniskirts and bodysuits in your wardrobe deep neckline. However, this rule is relevant for meeting any parents. Secondly, immediately indicate that you see your future in their son, for which you are ready to live. Third, be restrained and listen more than you talk. Show them that you respect them no less than your own son;
• Accept another faith. If you manage to please your loved one’s mother and charm his father, you should be ready for the next step - accepting Islam. According to Muslim law, you must renounce the Christian faith and embrace Islam. As a rule, this happens either immediately or over time. But keep in mind - until you have entered into a legal marriage, you can think about it and refuse. If your legal husband orders you, there will be no way to retreat (only divorce). In principle, according to the Koran, a Muslim is allowed to marry an “infidel” (a non-believer) only in order to convert her to Islam. Therefore, think hundreds of times whether you are ready to take such a step;
• Live according to the laws of the Koran. Naturally, your religious “adventures” do not end with the adoption of Islam. Now you must live exclusively according to the laws of the Muslim holy book. And wearing a hijab in this case is not the worst thing you will have to practice. By the way, according to the laws of the Koran, some marriages between a Muslim and a Christian are a priori impossible. If you are his teacher or pupil, were previously married to a Muslim, are closely related to him, were the wife of his father, brother or son, you don’t have to dream of an alliance with him. The ban on marriage also applies if you are a pagan;
• Behave according to the Koran. Continuing the previous paragraph, there are a few more specific nuances. From now on, you will have to lower your eyes when meeting any man, hide your body and jewelry under clothes, cover your hair with a scarf, move silently, and not visit someone else’s home without the permission of your husband. You also have no right to leave your home alone. A loving mother-in-law will immediately tell you about all these rules. By the way, you now have to please her no less than your husband. You must obey the new “mother” in everything, and turn a blind eye to injustice, or even meanness on her part. If you dare to complain to your husband, he is guaranteed to take your mother’s side, and you may also get a hard time. In fact, a woman in Islam is a creature almost completely powerless. The purpose of her existence is to please her husband and run the household. Are you ready for such a fate?;
• Be completely submissive. This point concerns not only everyday, but also sexual aspects of marriage. How to please your new husband in bed? Obey and do whatever he wants. By the way, you do not have the right to refuse him sexual contact. The ban is lifted only during religious holidays, your menstruation and postpartum period. IN family life with a Muslim you must even tolerate violence if your spouse wants it. However, usually representatives of this religion are quite “courteous” in bed with their chosen ones;
• Tolerate polygamy. The Koran says that a man should marry women who are dear to his heart. A Muslim can have up to four wives, as well as concubines. No one will ask for your advice and approval in this matter. But everything will be extremely fair in terms of material support - all income is distributed evenly to each of them. If your fiancé isn't rich, you'll probably be " the one and only" However, no one can guarantee that your husband’s caring parents will not start looking for other wives. Moreover, you will have to nod approvingly, and perhaps even help your mother-in-law with the choice. And don’t even think about getting into arguments - these are the prescribed laws of Islam;
• Tolerate punishment. Perhaps this point is the most sensitive of all. The Koran says that a man can use physical force against his woman if she disobeys, or simply “to improve her character.” At the same time, he can hit you, but not in the face or other vulnerable places. There should also be no traces of beatings on your body. And the beatings themselves, according to the Koran, should not cause a woman suffering. A man has no right to beat a woman “indiscriminately” or for minor offenses. If all this happens, you can demand a divorce in a Sharia court;
• Remember about divorce according to the Koran. Divorce in Muslim countries, like everything else, is one-sided. Usually the initiative belongs to the man. In this case, it is enough for him to repeat in front of witnesses three times "You are no longer my wife", and your union is automatically dissolved. The Christian herself remains completely powerless in this case. Please note that you will not be able to take the children, just as you will not be able to defend your rights in court. But there are also pleasant exceptions;
• Reproduce offspring. One of the main goals of Muslim men is reproduction, so childlessness can be a significant reason for a breakup. You must also be prepared to give birth as much as is required of you.

A wedding according to the Koran can take place both at home and in a mosque. And, interestingly, even without the participation of the couple. It is enough to ask the witnesses to go to the mosque for the wedding ceremony.

Know his responsibilities

1. Your husband must fully provide for you, and also bear full responsibility for the well-being of the family. He is obliged to support and protect you, in addition, to give you due attention. If a man avoids providing for his wife, or does not pay attention to her for a certain time (this mainly concerns intimate life), you have the right to file for divorce. But know that divorce is “ the most hateful of the lawful in the sight of Allah».
2. Yes, a Muslim man needs to be loved, cherished and cherished without any special feelings in return. Yes, Muslim men love complete submission from a woman. And yes, from now on you will feel like a real slave in freedom.

Still want to know how to please your Muslim husband, or are you already looking at Slavic guys? In any case, we support your choice and are always ready to provide you with valuable advice.

Be happy in your marriage!

WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO SOMEONE WHO MARRIES A MUSLIM.

But all these arguments, unfortunately, often have no effect on those who are in love. They say: “I will still only be happy with him, and therefore I don’t care what God and the Church say.” Someone who says this cannot, of course, be considered an Orthodox Christian. But we also have something to say to her. After all, by Baptism she still belongs to the Church, and until her death secret ties connect her with the Body of Christ. This is both an honor and a responsibility. Anyone who has already entered into a Covenant with God, even in childhood, can never become like those who are initially alien to the Creator. The prodigal son is still a son. God says: “Let there not be such a person among you who, having heard the words of this curse, would boast in his heart, saying: “I will be happy, despite the fact that I will walk according to the will of my heart”... The Lord will not forgive such a one, but immediately the anger of the Lord and His wrath will kindle against such a person, and all the curse of this covenant will fall on him, and the Lord will blot out his name from under heaven; and the Lord will separate him for destruction” (Deut. 29:20-21).

But from a practical point of view, such a marriage for a person raised in the Christian tradition will certainly be unhappy. After all, the attitude towards a woman in Islam is unbearable for those who were brought up on the idea of ​​love between husband and wife as the norm married life. For those who do not believe, it is worth citing Islamic norms of attitude towards a wife, which the unfortunate woman will have to fulfill if she wants to violate the word of God. So, from the point of view of Islam, “a woman is obliged to listen to her husband and show him complete obedience, except in cases where he demands something prohibited by Islam.” A woman comes to her husband's family. Without his permission, she cannot leave home or engage in professional activities.

The wife has the right to visit her parents and close relatives, although her husband may prohibit her from meeting her children from a previous marriage. In some Muslim countries, a husband can reduce his wife's visits to her parents to once a week. A wife has the right to refuse marital relations with her husband only if he has not paid the share of the dowry agreed upon in the marriage contract, or during the period of fasting. Unreasonable refusal by the wife will lead to her “suspension”, i.e. divorce. This will also be the end of her use of contraceptives. The Muslim holy book, the Koran, calls on husbands to punish their wives in case of disobedience, disagreement, or simply to improve their character. The Koran says that “God has elevated men in their essence above women, and in addition, husbands pay the marriage dowry…. Scold them, intimidate them, when they don’t obey... - beat them. If wives are obedient, then be lenient towards them” (Quran 4:38; 4:34). Muslim theologian al-Ghazali calls marriage “a type of slavery for a woman. Her life becomes complete obedience to her husband in everything, if he does not violate the laws of Islam.” Raising children is the exclusive right of the husband. Even if the wife belongs to one of the “revealed religions,” that is, if she is a Jew or a Christian. Raising children in a different faith is prohibited by Muslim law.”

Let's add something else about the attitude towards women in Islam. “According to a common hadith – the saying of the “prophet” – most women will end up in hell. According to Ibn Umar, “the prophet said: O assembly of women! Give alms, ask more for forgiveness, for I saw that most of the inhabitants of the fire are you. And one woman from among them asked: Why are most of the inhabitants of fire us? He said: You curse a lot and are ungrateful to your husbands. I have not seen that anyone with intelligence has more shortcomings in faith and intelligence than you” (Muslim, 1879). According to another hadith, “the prophet said: I have not left behind me a temptation more harmful to men than women” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

According to Sharia, “the testimony of two women in court is equivalent to the testimony of one man. Women are also prohibited from following the funeral procession. A Muslim man has the right to marry a woman of other faiths, but a Muslim woman cannot marry a man of other faiths.”

But here it is also worth noting that, having married a Muslim, a wife should under no circumstances expect marital fidelity from him. After all, he has the right to have up to four wives, as well as to enter into so-called contracts. “temporary marriages” for a period of 1 hour to a year (this is how prostitution is often justified). If Russian state laws prohibit polygamy, then in practice it existed and still exists.

So, dear ladies, when entering into an Islamic marriage, you must be prepared for the fact that you will be treated like animals, and for infidelity that is not even considered such, and for beatings from your husband, sanctioned by the Koran. (And for Muslim husbands, even in Europe, Islamic theologians publish special books about the right ways wife beating in such a way as not to mutilate your body too much, so that you can continue to use it without being subjected to secular justice). If you like all this - please! Just don’t say that my lover would never do that because he is good. In addition to your partner (the word of God does not allow me to call him a husband), there is also his family, which he himself must obey, whether he wants it or not. A little later we will provide evidence of what awaits a woman in reality if she ends up in a modern Islamic family. But first, let’s also say that you don’t have to count on a long and happy life in a strong family. After all, according to the rules of Islam, a husband can easily divorce his wife. This can be a correct divorce (muborot) at the request of the husband with an explanation of the reasons, or a joint decision of the husband and wife, or it can be simply a divorce at the request of the husband without explaining the reasons in a simplified form (talaq), after he utters one of the established phrases: “you are excommunicated” or “unite with the family.”

In case of divorce, the husband must allocate the necessary property to his wife “according to custom.” Divorced woman stays in house for three months ex-husband to determine if she is pregnant. If a child is born, it must be left in the father's house. The wife can demand a divorce only through the court, citing only strictly defined grounds: if the husband has physical disabilities, does not fulfill marital duties, treats his wife cruelly, or does not allocate funds for her maintenance.

At the same time, if the spouses suddenly want to reunite again, then in Islam there is a monstrous decree that for this the wife must first marry another man, divorce him, and only after that return to the previous one: “If he divorced her, then not she is allowed to him afterwards until she marries another husband, and if he gives her a divorce, then there is no sin over them if they return” (Quran 2.230).

12:51 2018

What awaits us? What will the parents say? Can a Muslim man marry a Christian? What rights do brides have? What about polygamy? Can we be happy? And if so, for how long? What about our children? And many more similar questions, the answers to which, in my opinion, are overgrown with myths. So I will try to tell you what you should actually prepare for.

To begin with, let’s put an end to the answer to the question: “Is it possible marriage between a Christian and a Muslim? Yes. A Muslim man is allowed to marry women from the People of the Book - Christians, Jews. To do this, you do not have to renounce your faith, wear a hijab, and so on. The Koran clearly states that there is no compulsion in religion. But, of course, it is advisable for the girl to still accept Islam and profess the same faith as her husband. When you get married, it’s like you’re getting into the same boat, and if everyone rows in their own direction, how far will you sail?

In the first case Christian woman is getting married behind so-called "nominal" or ethnic Muslim. That is, a person considers himself a Muslim, but has no inclination towards Islam and religious practice. Throughout their lives, such couples are guided by familiar moral principles and values. It is possible that the husband will go to the mosque twice a year on major holidays or observe the traditions of his people. For particularly enterprising wives, and I know such cases, husbands even go to church on Sundays and are not against icons in the house. There are actually a lot of similar marriages. You can hear: “The neighbor over there has a Muslim husband, and he allows her to do everything - to wear makeup and to go without a headscarf.” Yes, he allows it, but at the same time the man himself is not averse to drinking and stares at the girls. And this is exactly the case when it is necessary to separate the “flies from the cutlets”. We must understand that being called a Muslim and being one are two different things. Such families are considered Muslim, as a rule, because of their place of residence or their Eastern surname, but not because of their lifestyle. Their longevity falls into the statistics of secular marriages.

In the second case marriage of a Muslim and a Christian is not limited to the registry office. If you find that your beloved also turns out to be a true believer, then you have a direct path to the mosque to legalize the marriage not only in front of society, but also in front of the Almighty. Often, during nikah, a woman will still be asked to say the Shahada (testimony of Monotheism). Many do not do this in name and actually convert to Islam over time. But there are also opposite cases. So, for example, one of my friends went out marry a turk and divorced after 5 years. Since after the birth of the child all disagreements that are possible between Muslim and Christian. When the husband wanted to teach his son prayer, his wife continued to memorize the “Our Father” at night. Think about whether you are ready to compromise on such vital issues, and agree on everything “on the shore”. And if you do not plan to raise your child in the Muslim faith, why then connect your life with a person of other principles? The strongest families are those where the wife is literally “behind her husband”: she fully accepts his way of life, observes religion herself and helps her husband, when everyone is in his place and fulfills his duties.

The third option is a nikkah without a registry office. Good news: Can a Muslim marry a Christian?, simply by concluding nikah in the nearest mosque. Two witnesses are enough, who are usually friends, and the girl’s guardian is the imam. The bad news is that almost all such marriages break up within the first two years, and the children born in such families grow up without a father. Remember, or better yet, write in bold letters: never agree to such adventures! Despite the fact that polygamy is permitted in Islam and is supported at the state level in some countries in Asia and Africa, the proportion of such marriages in these countries is very low. But for some reason, young beauties are in a hurry to add to the sad statistics and get involved in stories about which television and the Internet then make noise. Dear girls, before you go out marry an Arab or another eastern prince, understand: men love what they invest in. A marriage concluded in 5 minutes in a mosque, even with a decent gift, is nothing more than a way of quick and legal access to intimate relationships. Don’t rush to become second, third, or fourth, because the world is full of divorced people and even widowers. Why deliberately put yourself in a disadvantageous and obviously losing situation? But even if you are the first and only, and your betrothed only talks about love and is in no hurry to collect the necessary certificates for the embassy and marriage, run away from him. Most likely, this person is not distinguished by decency and responsibility for loved ones.

So, what is the first thing you should pay attention to before going out? marry a Muslim. Here are the main points for a happy and long marriage:

1. Beginning. As the proverb says: “A good start is half the battle gone.” It matters where and under what circumstances you met. It is doubtful that a marriage in which the future spouses met at a disco or on the beach will be blessed. If you are still searching, then be sure that the phrase "I want to get married" clearly visible to the opposite sex. Unfortunately, even among Muslims there are people with bad intentions, so be especially careful in public places if you are alone or with a friend. Choose a spouse from your circle or based on recommendations from friends.

2. Time. Never rush out get married early. To protect your interests, Islam has a wonderful custom - engagement (al-hitab). In this case, before marriage, the young people have time to get to know each other and make a thoughtful, informed decision. It’s better to spend months clarifying all the issues before the wedding than to spend your whole life tormented by a stranger or get divorced after six months. According to my observations, most hasty marriages turn out to be extremely unsuccessful and unhappy. Don't make hasty decisions, don't burn bridges, and don't be led by feelings. The hadith says that slowness is from Allah, and haste is from the shaitan. If you are going to create a strong and lasting family for life, then arm yourself with this wisdom.

3. Family. Be sure to meet the groom's close relatives. Let your future husband will receive parental blessing. Also take a close look at the lifestyle in his family. How committed to religion are the mother and father of the chosen one, what kind of relationship do they have? In 99% of cases, a man copies the behavior model of his parents. Be wary if he hides you from everyone or keeps silent about the facts of his biography. Some peoples, especially in the Caucasus, strongly discourage marriages with women of other nationalities. And if the groom’s family is categorically against your future together and sees you as a stranger, you should seriously think about it. It is equally important what position your future husband takes in a difficult situation. Whose side is he on: does he support you, or is the opinion of his parents more important to him? You will also gain support and understanding from loved ones before you go out. marry a Muslim. And really evaluate your chances - whether you can fight for happiness all your life together with your husband or alone, and also think about the consequences for the children.

4. Customs. A very important point, since not all Muslims are guided only by the Koran. For many peoples, traditions are so firmly rooted in everyday life that it is simply stupid to discount them. Study the customs of the people of your chosen one and try to try it on yourself - whether it suits you or not. If something bothers you about your behavior young man, then ask yourself the question: would he treat me this way if I were... (for example, Arab, Ingush, Tatar, etc.). If the answer is no, then you should be on your guard. Let’s say in the East it’s customary to give women a lot of gold at weddings and organize lavish ceremonies, but your gentleman suggests limiting yourself to a table in a cafe and teaching mahr instead surah of the Koran. Or if it is customary for the daughter-in-law to clean and cook for the whole family, but the man says that there will be no problems in everyday life. Get ready to adopt other people's traditions, learn a language, live in an unusual environment, and adapt to a different culture. You are aware that you will have to change, and not your husband?

5. Language. At first, a few phrases may be enough for you, but for life together in an interethnic marriage, be prepared to learn your spouse’s language, especially if you go to his homeland. It is ideal to attend language courses, but you can use tutorials and lessons, which are now numerous on the Internet. You also need to take into account that you will have to teach languages ​​to your children. Over time, you will master all the subtleties and rules of bilingual families, but to maintain literacy and good level speaking two languages, you will have to work hard.

6. Documents. If the Muslim groom is not a citizen of the Russian Federation, then you will also have to comprehend the intricacies of international legislation. It doesn’t matter where you live, the rule “without a piece of paper you’re a bug” applies everywhere. Keep in mind that you need to complete all documents for marriage, take care of timely renewal of visas and obtain a residence permit for yourself or your future spouse. Often this process requires not only money and time, but also nerves.

7. Social status. Everyone probably knows the joke: “How to marry a millionaire?” - “Marry a billionaire.” In life, unfortunately, the opposite is often true. Women fall in love with unmercenary people and make millionaires out of them. They are ready to sell apartments and give up their savings just to be sworn of eternal love. Why this scheme works well with an Egyptian animator or a Tajik guest worker, but does not work with a Russian janitor or waiter, is unclear to me. But the fact remains a fact. Unfortunately, even among my friends there are such victims. Problems can be avoided if you initially look for a spouse of equal status. To be fair, it should be noted that many couples start from scratch. But even if the chosen one is from a poor family, he must have potential, a desire to develop and improve, and not live at someone else’s expense. There is no “dowry” in Islam, but there is the concept of “ mahr» - wedding gift for a woman, and responsibility for financial support after marriage rests entirely with men.

But the most important thing is religion. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: “Truly, each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for the flock. A man is a shepherd for his family and is responsible for his flock.”(Muslim, Book of Government, 5, 1213).

Is Nikah done for those who, being non-Muslims, got married in a registry office or got married in a church, and then converted to Islam?

The opinions of the majority of Islamic scholars, based on the source (Koran and Sunnah):

If your faith with your wife was Christian and you both converted to Islam, then your marriage is valid and the children were born in marriage (legitimate), the past marriage is recognized, and there is no need to perform nikah again. And if they were ethnic Muslims, then it is even more believed that they had Nikah.

Because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not renew his marriage with Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her) after Islam, and did not require his companions to reread the Nikah after accepting Islam.

Providing for a wife and child after divorce

1 - A woman divorced by an incomplete divorce with the right to return is entitled to material support and housing, and this is the responsibility of the husband until the period established for divorce ('iddah) has expired, in accordance with the words of the Almighty:

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ إِذَا طَلَّقْتُمُ النِّسَاء فَطَلِّقُوهُنَّ لِعِدَّتِهِنَّ وَأَحْصُوا الْعِدَّةَ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ رَبَّكُمْ لاَ تُخْرِجُوهُنَّ مِن بُيُوتِهِنَّ وَ لاَ يَخْرُجْنَ

“O Prophet! When you give a divorce to your wives, then divorce within the prescribed period, keep track of this period and fear Allah, your Lord. Drive them not out of their houses, and let them not go out of them” (65:1).

أَسْكِنُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ سَكَنتُم مِّن وُجْدِكُمْ وَ لاَ تُضَارُّوهُنَّ لِتُضَيِّقُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ

« Settle them where you live yourself - according to your income. Don't hurt them by trying to embarrass them"(65:6).

2 - A divorced person is not entitled to any financial support or housing. The proof of which is the decision of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) when Fatima bint Qais (may Allah be pleased with her) turned to him after her husband divorced her with a final divorce, asking whether she was entitled to maintenance from him, for which The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “ You are not entitled to any maintenance or housing " Muslim 1480. The version cited by Abu Dawud says: " You are not entitled to maintenance unless you are pregnant. » Sahih Abu Daoud 2/433.

3 - A pregnant divorcee, even if she is finally divorced, according to the unanimous opinion of scientists, is entitled to maintenance and housing until she gives birth. Proof of this is the words of the Almighty:

أَسْكِنُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ سَكَنتُم مِّن وُجْدِكُمْ وَ لا تُضَارُّوهُنَّ لِتُضَيِّقُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ وَإِن كُنَّ أُولاَتِ حَمْلٍ فَأَنفِقُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ حَتَّى يَضَعْنَ حَمْلَهُنَّ

“Settle them where you live yourself - according to your income. Do not harm them by wanting to embarrass them. If they are pregnant, then support them until they are delivered” (65:6).

4 - The responsibility to bear the expenses of children lies with their father, regardless of whether they are married or divorced, whether she is rich or poor. A woman is not obliged to bear expenses for them if their father is alive. And on this issue all scientists agree.

Ibn Qudama (may Allah have mercy on him) in al-Mughni 8/169-170 reported the words of Ibn Munzir (may Allah have mercy on him): “ All the owners of knowledge from whom we adopted the knowledge unanimously agreed that a man is obliged to support children who do not have their own property».

5 - If after a divorce the children are in the care and upbringing of the mother, then she can demand payment from her ex-husband for the care and upbringing of the children. See Mawsu'a al-fiqhiyya 17/311, as well as Sharh Muntaha al-Iradat 3/249.

6 - If a woman breastfeeds a child, then she has the right to demand payment from her ex-husband for this, in accordance with the words of the Almighty:

فَإِنْ أَرْضَعْنَ لَكُمْ فَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ وَأْتَمِرُوا بَيْنَكُمْ بِمَعْرُوفٍ

« If they breastfeed for you, then pay them a fee and consult among yourselves in a good way"(65:6).

This verse refers to divorced women.

This was the opinion of Abu Hanifa (may Allah have mercy on him), this is the most widespread and well-known opinion in the madhhab of Imam Ahmad (may Allah have mercy on him). This opinion was preferred by Sheikh al-Islam ibn Taymiyyah (may Allah have mercy on him), see al-Ikhtiyarat 412-413, and among modern scholars, Sheikh Ibn 'Usaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) adhered to this opinion, see "ash-Sharh al-Mumti'" 13/515-516. See also al-Mughni 11/431 and al-Fataawa al-Kubra 3/347.

7 - Material support includes: housing, food and drink, clothing, education, and anything else the children will need.

8 - The amount of material support, as well as fees for breastfeeding, and fees for the care and education of children, are determined by the customs of their locality and time. At the same time, taking into account the condition and position of the ex-husband, in accordance with the words of the Almighty:

لِيُنْفِقْ ذُو سَعَةٍ مِنْ سَعَتِهِ وَمَنْ قُدِرَ عَلَيْهِ رِزْقُهُ فَلْيُنْفِقْ مِمَّا آتَاهُ اللَّهُ لا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلا مَا آتَاهَا سَيَجْعَلُ اللَّهُ بَعْدَ عُسْرٍ يُسْرًا

“Let him who has wealth spend according to his wealth. And whoever is short of money, let him spend from what Allah has given him. Allah does not burden a person beyond what He has given him. After hardship, Allah creates relief” (65:7).

The rich must bear material costs in accordance with his position and condition. He who has average income, according to his position, is also poor. Or the parents themselves can agree on a certain fee, small or large. If the parents cannot reach mutual agreement on the amount, then the amount of material expenses for the child must be determined by a Sharia judge.

But still, it is better for them to come to a mutual agreement and assign a certain amount that will allow the child and his caring mother to live without need.