I hate my husband how to live. I hate my husband, what should I do? — Advice from psychologists

I hate my husband. I can’t get a divorce, what should I do?
Hate is very powerful Vital energy. Hating your husband and continuing to stay with him, expecting changes, is at the very least illogical and very destructive.

I hate my husband.

Kind and smart Yandex says that people ask for “I hate my husband, what should I do” about 6 thousand times a month, “I hate my wife” half as much - about 3 thousand times, “I love and hate” again 6 thousand requests .

“Why is my husband...”, “relationships with my husband...”, “I love my husband...” and “what to do if the husband...” from 20 thousand to 80 thousand requests per month.

At the same time, the divorce statistics are very revealing - there are a lot of them. People break up, families break up, and somewhere between tragedies, dramas and spontaneous searches for happiness of parents, their children somehow grow up.

And it happens the other way around, when it’s not just possible, but I desperately need to get a divorce, women (and sometimes men) leave themselves and their children in unbearable conditions.

Once upon a time, when I first heard from a client “I hate my husband, what should I do?” I was surprised and bewildered.

We live, fortunately for women, not in a dense time, not in a backward country - the possibilities of a civilized divorce are available.

I rarely encounter the difficulties of my fellow psychologists whose clients are additionally bound by local religion and culture.

Novosibirsk is a very large city, almost two million inhabitants; a woman who has chosen divorce should hardly be afraid of rumors and condemnation in a small village.

Time passed, and I heard similar words from women from Moscow, and from St. Petersburg, and from other big cities.

“I hate my husband, what should I do? I can’t and won’t get a divorce.”

Reasons why a wife hates her husband:

1. A symbiotic union in which the woman played the role of donor.

After a certain amount of time, her strength and resources run out, but there is no distance, completion, or break in the relationship. The husband asks for more and more, such an endlessly hungry monster-baby who sucks and sucks his mother, demanding from her “give, give, give.”

Being in a rigid merger, subordinating it, she cannot in that state choose a psychological divorce, and, especially, an ordinary, civil divorce.

He cannot place his dissatisfaction, irritation, anger in their relationship. They are suppressed, accumulated and then manifest themselves either through psychosomatics, depression, or illness.

Or they very actively close themselves off with various addictions: alcohol, work, food, falling in love, TV series, dreams. Or they accumulate into a “nuclear bomb”: “I hate my husband. I can't leave. What to do?"

And it seems the best way out is for the husband of such a woman to “disappear” and even say out loud “I want him to die!” For them, becoming a widow is acceptable and decent, but separating, remaining alone and heading towards divorce is impossible.

What about the husband of such a woman?

What does it feel like to be a person who is hated every day, wished for death, disappearance?

How should one behave so that a marriage created by people in love turns into an arena where the wife hates her husband?

Usually this is a very negative person, devaluing in communication. The normal reaction to which is to move away.

If he comes for a consultation, then out of ten sentences that he says, fifteen are criticism, devaluation, dissatisfaction and the expectation that someone owes him something.

2. The second reason for a wife’s hatred of her husband is his rudeness, negligence, callousness in the sphere of sexuality and sensuality.

Words that seem possible to such a man sound like rude, offensive rudeness to his wife, and she begins to close down and move away.

He naturally begins to behave more harshly and rudely, latently striving to regain intimacy, even through quarrels. She withdraws even more, resentment accumulates.

Such a husband does not listen or hear her explanations, he is perplexed “what did I say” and brushes off nonsense that is unimportant to him, again and again hurting his wife with his gross negligence.

And then she begins to think: so everything is fine, she doesn’t drink, doesn’t hit, loves her children, everyone goes to a hard-working home. Everything is fine. Her femininity, sexuality, sensuality, emotionality and ability to love are destroyed by his rudeness and manliness.

But she chooses to stay with him. Pain and resentment accumulate. At some point, disgust begins to grow and over time the wife accumulates a lot of hatred for her husband.

For men, I want to note that the question to your wife is “how do you feel about me? Do you love like a man? Do you respect me as a man, a husband and a father?” It’s useful to ask your wife, hear her answers and think about what to do with them BEFORE her hatred begins to kill everything valuable and living in your couple.

3. A wife’s hatred of her husband may be due to his infidelity.

But in this case, much more often hatred is directed at the husband’s rival (mistress), and at himself (it turns into resentment and is suppressed).

If you respond adequately to the situation and directly, the relationship will be completed and destroyed.

But there are some bonuses, fears and memories of good things, based on which a woman tries to save her marriage.

At the same time, she needs to do something in her inner world with her feelings and ideas about reality. Forgive the betrayal, put yourself back together, somehow begin to move on with your life, resolve the issue of trust, which is suffering greatly.

4. The wife’s hatred of her husband due to drunkenness, beatings, cruel restrictions (money only for food, ignoring needs, for example, for medicine or not giving for the child’s needs).

Here hatred is fueled by fear and helplessness. Most often, it is precisely such situations that end in divorce at the first opportunity for a woman, but this can last for years.

5. Infantility and passive aggression.

Here the husband’s feelings and behavior become the reason for the wife’s hatred. She also expresses her irritation, anger, dissatisfaction and his feelings, which he does not express directly, but by formally agreeing, then does something that greatly ruins her life.

Wife's hatred in response to her husband's helplessness and impotence.

6. Another reason for a wife’s hatred of her husband is her unrealistic expectations of him, and the fact that he does not give her the satisfaction of her needs.

It often occurs in girls spoiled in childhood who imagine marriage as “life in a fairy tale.”

Such relationships are eventually broken off by men, after which ex-wives understand and feel how much they have lost.

Hatred is a very powerful life energy. If a wife feels this way for her husband, then she should respect the semantic content of her feeling.

Understand the reasons and outline constructive and realistic ways to resolve the situation.

Moreover, you need to clearly understand where and whose area of ​​responsibility is. Hating your husband and continuing to stay with him, expecting changes, is at least illogical and very destructive. You need to analyze and change either your actions or your attitude.

Hatred is a destructive feeling. It eats a person from the inside, causing him to get sick, grow old, wither, and fade away. It’s especially scary when you experience such strong negative emotions towards to a loved one, with whom you share everyday life, a roof over your head, responsibilities, children... Why does hatred consume families that, it would seem, were born in love and desire? Why are women the most vulnerable to bitter disappointment? And most importantly, is there a way out?

Reasons for hating your husband

“From love to hate there is one step,” is a well-known truth. In marriage, this step is usually calculated in years. At first, women simply do not notice their partner’s minor shortcomings (or even laugh at them), then they are surprised and upset by him, and then they catch themselves thinking that it is already unbearable to live with this person. The husband becomes hateful, repulsive, disgusting, vile. There are no warm feelings left for him, except disrespect, contempt, anger, emptiness. Can one partner be to blame, let's ask psychologists!

Objective reasons for hatred

It is not for nothing that psychology divides a woman’s hatred of her husband into categories; further work with the family depends on its origins. Objective reasons are the consequences of the husband’s actions towards his wife, expressed in dissatisfaction, deep resentment, anger, and a feeling of helplessness. They can be justified.

Psychologists identify the 5 most common reasons for a wife’s hatred of her husband:

Energy vampirism

There are men who feed off a woman’s negative emotions, doing it unconsciously. This is passive aggression on the part of the husband, his psychological immaturity, helplessness, impotence, etc.

The woman in such a union plays the role of a donor. At first she does not realize her destiny, but over time she realizes that this relationship is terribly exhausting her. There is less and less strength left, and real hatred arises in the soul for the one who takes away vital resources. However, the wife does not dare to divorce, since the relationship has acquired the format of a symbiotic relationship. What happens to your partner? She begins to get sick often, become depressed, eat stress, disappear for days at work, drink, and becomes an irresponsible mother.

All attempts to talk through your feelings, dissatisfaction and fears with your husband are perceived extremely sharply. At first, the man resists, in response vehemently criticizing his partner, devaluing and humiliating her, then passively agrees with all the claims, causing the woman a feeling of acute injustice. The position of such representatives of the stronger sex is as follows: “Be grateful that I... You always don’t like something, sort yourself out...”.

Emotional coldness

A woman in a marriage begins to hate her husband even when her partner is callous, inattentive, rude, stingy with emotions, and dismissive in bed. As a rule, the wife cannot understand her own feelings for a long time: the husband does not beat, does not drink, brings money home, helps, there seems to be no reason for divorce. However, his coldness destroys her more and more, slowly filling her soul with negative feelings.

Moreover, he may not even notice it. He has his own ideas about the role of a family man, and sweet words, hugs, emotional support are not included in the picture of his idea of ​​​​relationships. With every rude word, the woman withdraws, moves away, and the resentment grows like a snowball. In response to all attempts to express his feelings, the husband is sincerely perplexed: “What did I say? Do you have nothing to do, that you come up with problems out of the blue? Get busy with real things!”

Over and over again, encountering rudeness and indifference, the wife’s femininity, emotionality, sensuality, love, desire to care, and spend time together fade away. Instead, resentment, disgust and pain arise, over time developing into real hatred for such an insensitive lout.

Despotism

Domestic violence is one of the most common phenomena. The wife hates her husband both for psychological sadism (ridicule, bullying, biased criticism, claims, insults) and physical use of force. If the husband is a sadist, he takes pleasure in the tears and humiliation of his wife, so he asserts himself, elevates himself, feels like a strong, omnipotent being.

Of course, this is the lot of weak, notorious boys, who themselves often suffered in childhood. They try to force love, obedience and respect out, but with every spoken word (blow) they only cause hatred. If the wife tries to end this relationship, the man swears his love, promises to improve, and assures that this was the last time. However, the wives of tyrants know that these are empty words. Unfortunately!

Aggressors are the most dangerous type of men. In this case, the wife needs to think not about how to overcome hatred of him, but about remaining safe and sound!

Dependencies

Men who are prone to addictions (alcohol, gambling, drugs) most quickly cause irritation and self-hatred. Life with an addicted person is always unpredictable: the whole family is waiting to see how much money dad will bring from his salary, in what condition he will come, whether he will have hallucinations, whether he will fall asleep peacefully or organize concerts half the night, whether a new debt will creep up in a month, etc. .

In such a family, the needs of all family members are ignored, except for the sick adult man, for which women despise their husbands with all their hearts. “I hate my husband, let something happen to him, we’ll be better off without him, he’s already in our heads,” are absolutely normal words from partners of addicted people. They are feared, disrespected, pitied, hated, cursed. The feeling of helplessness is mixed with bitterness and disgust, the soul is filled with hope and emptiness.

Treason

Cheating makes a woman hate her husband no less than his despotism and intolerable character. And if a single betrayal can still be somehow smoothed over, forgotten, forgiven, then systematic betrayals firmly cultivate the most acute hatred in the soul of the spouse. Moreover, this hatred extends to her husband, and to the one who turned out to be third, and to herself. Unwinding this tangle is not easy.

Here, hatred is first disguised as jealousy, resentment, and suffering. The woman feels that she has been humiliated, betrayed, insulted, and her reputation tarnished. Then the self-pity goes away a little and real hatred for the husband appears. For offending, devaluing, hitting a woman’s pride, making her look like a fool in the eyes of another woman! If at the same time the spouse sexually ignores the rightful chosen one, neurosis, self-flagellation, and self-doubt join the hatred. It’s certainly difficult to do without the help of specialists here.

Unjustified reasons for hating your husband

In addition to the obvious reasons for hating your husband, there are unjustified reasons to hate your own spouse. In this case, the wife feels ambivalent in her soul: “When my husband is around, he annoys me, I’m ready to kill him, but when we’re apart, I understand that I miss him.” When does this happen?

Unfulfilled expectations

This is exclusively a woman's problem. She created illusions, built a dream of “how it should be” in her head, without assessing her partner’s potential and without even asking his opinion on this matter. The result is that the wife is upset, disappointed in the man, and is always dissatisfied with him. Warm feelings are replaced by annoyance, disrespect, and contempt. Negativity and complaints accumulate, gradually generating hatred towards the husband in the soul.

Hatred for a husband can be replaced by love if he suddenly begins to live up to the expectations of his legitimate chosen one (opens his own business, agrees to children, achieves a promotion or recognition, buys a car, puts an upstart relative in his place, etc.).

Own unfulfillment

Outbursts of hatred towards their husbands also appear in women when they are forced to leave their dreams, careers, hobbies for the sake of caring for children or to please their spouse. Then emotional stagnation sets in and an intrapersonal conflict arises: there are ambitions, plenty of strength, age still allows you to achieve success, but physically it is impossible to do this (the children are still too small, the parents are sick, the husband is constantly on business trips, and a house is being built at the same time). The wife catches herself thinking that it is her husband who is to blame for her unfulfillment and subconsciously takes out her negative emotions on him.

Monotony

Boring life shatters even the strongest feelings. Routine causes irritation, fatigue, anger, and if nothing is done about it, it can easily end in real hatred for the person walking next to you in life (although he is not to blame for anything). The woman is telling herself that her efforts are not appreciated by anyone, so the desire to do something for the benefit of the family remains less and less. It seems to the wife that she and her husband no longer love each other, which means she is wasting her best years wasted. This is where hatred grows.

Interest in another man

Sometimes women become attracted to other men and get a second wind. It is not necessary to cheat, just a little flirting, a feeling that she is still beautiful, young, and charming. Then, under this euphoria, real hatred awakens for the rightful chosen one, with whom she does not know what to do.

The wife feels especially strongly that she hates her husband when he persuades her to perform marital duties. Disgust and aggression are added to hatred.

There is no universal advice that will make a wife stop hating her husband. Each case is individual, so psychologists consider not only the cause of hatred, but also the experience family life, the dynamics of relationships, the characters of both spouses, their expectations from marriage, etc. But, despite this, experts still give several valuable recommendations that will allow you to reconsider your feelings.

So, how to remove hatred towards your husband:

1. Don't allow yourself to degrade in your family life. Work remotely, find a hobby, study online, play sports. Don’t reduce marriage only to household responsibilities, realize yourself, develop, get distracted, this charges your thoughts with positivity.
2. Don’t take everything on yourself, you are not a horse (even if everyone around you admires you for it). Give your children to kindergarten, grandmothers, nanny, husband for a couple of hours. You should have personal time to rest and recharge.
3. Ask frank questions to your husband: “Do you love me, appreciate me, respect me as a companion? Am I a good mother, am I a caring wife?
4. Stay together more often: go out into nature, lie on the bed until late at night, eat at the same time, discuss the past day, make plans, go to the movies. Romance is the key to family happiness.
5. Remember why you fell in love with your husband, try to revive these memories. Find in him what you still like (certain character traits, attitude to life, sense of humor, generosity).
6. Learn to forgive minor offenses, drive away negative emotions. We are all imperfect, and if you accumulate every wrong gesture or careless word from your husband in your soul, you can soon turn black with anger.
7. Don’t try to change your companion, change your attitude towards the person (his behavior, actions, habits). Talk about this with your partner, do not hush up your emotions. Tell your husband that you are starting to hate him and that you sincerely want to change it. Wives are often afraid of such words, but this helps prevent a woman from becoming critically ill, when it has already “boiled to such an extent that there is no turning back.” If the spouse loves, he will begin to work on the marriage.

“How do you know when it’s time to get a divorce?” devastated wives often ask. Psychologists insist that the decision to break up should be guided not by hatred, but by objective reasons. If your husband poisons your life (tyrant, sadist, alcoholic, drug addict), has no respect, cheats, or simply stops loving, make an adequate decision. Believe me, the cup of patience will overflow anyway, so why wait for the situation to worsen?

Imagine in great detail your life without your hated husband. If you are uncomfortable, sorry, bored, fight for love, but if you feel that you will be calm and happy, you are really ready to part.

Hatred is a strong destructive feeling, and if it affects one of the partners, you urgently need to find out the origins and semantic content. Don’t try to push your emotions deeper, the problem won’t go away on its own. Analyze your relationships, delineate areas of responsibility, change behavior, discuss problems with your rightful chosen one. Don't let hatred break you; recovering later is harder than it seems!

What does the story of male infidelity look like? Although different men cheat on their wives with different women, the essence of treason is the same.

In a relationship, passion is smoothed out, tension disappears, and a habit arises. If children are born into a family, then sex becomes less frequent and less violent. Spouses lose the ability to indulge in desire freely, at any time, in any place. They become “attached” to the home and to the children’s daily routine.

Reveal adultery It's almost always easy. The relationship is marked by a sharp cooling on the part of the cheating spouse; the husband avoids conversations with his wife, not only heart-to-heart conversations, but even minor chatter at breakfast. The husband seems to avoid his wife, does not look her in the eye when communicating, as if he is afraid to give himself away. He may begin to harass his wife with nagging.

In addition, the unfaithful spouse always has a lot of things to do outside the home - he is asked to work overtime, sent on business trips, asked to help with moving, repairs, etc. In addition, betrayal leaves a financial trail, because the mistress expects bouquets, luxury sweets, expensive wine, evenings in a restaurant, and gifts. A password appears on your phone, tablet, or computer that didn’t exist before.

By comparing these facts, the wife can pin her husband to the wall with indirect evidence and get a confession of infidelity from him. The only thing is that not every wife really wants this recognition. Most women want to know only one answer - a categorically negative one.

How does a wife feel when she learns about her husband's infidelity?

The first feeling is deafening, dullness, lack of perception. The brain refuses to accept that the husband has cheated, betrayed, deceived. Then a reaction develops - tears, screaming, hysteria, alienation. Later, a sharply negative attitude towards smear is established, even to the point of hatred.

Hatred is one of the strongest negative feelings that can destroy the person experiencing it from the inside. Because of hatred, everything good that happened between spouses is devalued, life seems disgustingly unpleasant, marriage is perceived as a heavy cross. In the most difficult situations, hatred of the husband also extends to the children. The son gets it from his mother because he is like his father. Daughters - because she loves her father no matter what. This is a vicious circle that begins and closes with the negativism experienced by the mother towards the father. The children have nothing to do with it at all, but they are the ones who suffer more than others, even more than the deceived mother, because they love both parents and it hurts them to understand that the father somehow offended the mother, and offended her so much that the house now resembles a battlefield.

Yes, a deceived woman has the right to be offended by her husband and is angry with him, but hatred of him must be suppressed at the root for her own sake and for the sake of her children.

The woman is torn apart by internal contradictions. On the one hand, she wants to save the family, save the father for the children. On the other hand, she no longer believes her husband, is angry with him, and has lost interest in him sexually.

This is where the roots of conflicts come from, which undermine already shaken relations. If, moreover, the husband behaves as if nothing had happened, does not smooth out the aggravated corners, does not try to regain the trust and love of his wife, then the marriage is slowly and surely moving towards collapse.

Claims accumulate - everyday, personal, sexual. Finding no way out, they go off like an explosive device, destroying everything around, leaving no stone unturned from family life.

What to do if you hate your husband because he cheated

If a woman understands that she has hated her husband, she needs to correct this attitude towards him. If this is not done, hatred will destroy not only the marriage, but also relationships with children, parents, friends, and will also cause significant discord in the woman’s relationship with herself.

Even if a wife does not remember her husband’s infidelity every day, the very fact of it is still firmly ingrained in her memory and prevents her from building adequate relationships with both herself and her husband. She feels deep irritation, rejection, bitterness of resentment in her soul and understands that she has not forgiven her husband and is unlikely to be able to forgive him (even if this is not the case, hatred prevents the woman from realizing that she has mentally forgiven her husband).

The wife does not trust her husband, she can no longer share her thoughts and feelings, experiences and sensations with him. In addition, the confidence that there is a solid and reliable presence next to her has probably disappeared. male shoulder, on which she can rely in difficult times.

A bitter thought constantly comes to mind about how cruelly and vilely her husband treated her. Then, when the wife was organizing her life, earning money for the family, nursing a newborn child through sleepless nights, caring for elderly relatives, etc., the husband spent time for his own pleasure with a strange woman, to whom he gave his attention, affection, and tenderness.

Sometimes such thoughts form the belief that a woman now lives not with her husband, but with an enemy who needs to be destroyed, trampled, and lime-washed. And from a loving, understanding wife, she degenerates into a sarcastic, evil fury who neglects the house, stops cooking and washing for her husband, lashes out at the children, and descends to screaming and insults.

Sometimes a woman chooses this tactic so that her husband will leave her. She lacks either the mental strength or the courage to break off the relationship. So she waits until her husband gets tired of living like he’s on a powder keg and either files for divorce or packs up his things and leaves the house.

Many women believe that if they demand a divorce from their cheating husband, then they are somehow to blame for the breakdown of the family, for the fact that the children will be left without a father, for the fact that they could not save their marriage, although in fact the fault is entirely lies with the spouse. But if the husband leaves, then the initiative and the fault are also his.

How to remove hatred for your husband from your heart

The first letter contains all the reproaches and insults directed at the spouse. All the insults, all the mocking attacks towards him, all the dirt and all the bad things must find an outlet in these letters. There may be several of them. Each one must be written intuitively, without re-reading. And immediately after writing, tear it to shreds and burn it. This is not some kind of magical ritual. Tearing up letters will give peace to the soul by keeping your hands busy. And burning will create the impression of complete destruction of the negative that has accumulated in the wife’s soul.

After this, you need to write a letter of forgiveness to your husband, which should reflect all the positive aspects of the relationship with your husband from the very beginning. You need to thank him for something, rejoice at some of his victories and achievements. There can also be a lot of these letters. With each new letter, peace will reign in your soul and your attitude towards your spouse will level out.

It happens that a woman develops a persistent physical rejection of her husband. He even starts to smell unpleasant to her. She avoids any physical contact with him, does not want to touch him. The thought of a kiss, a hug, or intimacy with her husband is disgusting to her. The body contracts almost to the point of painful spasms from any sexual advances on the part of the husband. In particularly difficult situations, the wife even develops gynecological diseases. This is how the psyche fences off the body from sex with a hated partner.

It is vital to combat these manifestations. You need to visualize your hatred. To do this, you need to imagine your hatred as it is felt. What does it look like - in the form of a shapeless lump, a ball, a bunch of needles? What color is it? Where does it concentrate - in the head, in the throat, in the chest, in the stomach?

From a psychological point of view, this clot of pain and hatred is part of the woman herself. And it must be treated with caution and care, like other parts of the body. Psychologists advise imagining that a pair of hands has appeared, which will gently and carefully remove the foreign element from the body and place it on the table.

The extracted element must be examined with an inner gaze and asked questions:

1. Are you part of me or part of another person?
2. Why are you bothering me?
3. Why should I be angry with you?

The answers received are a reflection of a woman’s attitude towards herself in the situation in which she found herself because of her husband’s infidelity.

It often turns out that a woman is aware of a foreign element that bothers her, as a part of herself that is sick or dying, which arose as a punishment for allowing her husband to cheat, which is in her body so as not to let her forget about the betrayal, because the woman at the subconscious level she is sure that if she forgets about her husband’s betrayal, she will thus betray herself.

All these feelings need to be visually removed from the lump and this must be done until the lump dissolves.

A woman can understand that she did everything right based on how she feels. There should be lightness in the body.

If you cannot cope with the problem on your own, you need to consult a psychologist. Being left alone with your hatred is dangerous for both your psyche and your physical health.

Love... Sparks of passion, tender kisses, reverent confessions...

A long-awaited proposal and a happy “Yes!”, a magnificent wedding - and vows to remain faithful and to be together forever. And in sorrow and in joy…

How many years have passed? Most likely, not so many, maybe five or ten... As a rule, crises in families arise precisely at this time.

But a couple who have been together for more than ten years have every chance of a long and happy life. And so you sit in front of the monitor, wipe your tears and write a strange, illogical, frightening, wild phrase in the search bar: “I hate my husband”...

How did this happen? Is it really true that from love to raging hatred is just one step? Is it really he – the one whose beautiful and beloved face you couldn’t stop looking at?

Whose smell was most familiar to you and drove you crazy? Whose smile made you forget about all the troubles and adversities? Whose tender words made you the happiest... And how many times have you said, quite sincerely, the cherished “I love you”?

What happened?

Hatred is a powerful negative emotion that is almost impossible to cope with. Of course, if it arose, and even to a person whom you once loved, it is not without reason.

And if love is unconditional, and sometimes arises for no apparent reason, then hatred must be earned. So what did he do? If you look at it, there can be only four main reasons:

• He didn't live up to expectations.
• He cheated, he deceived.
• I fell out of love.
• Seriously offends and poisons life.

The first case seems to be the most harmless - but it occurs most often. This is the very case when a woman hates her husband because she herself suddenly stopped loving him. Nonsense? And this is true...

You turned out to be different...

This is very painful to understand, like any real truth. We build illusions and always expect something - this is the main mistake people make. Then it is unclear what to do - because expectations are almost never met.

And the wisdom contained in the understanding that one should not expect, but enjoy and create, comes later. When it’s too late and it seems like nothing can be changed. But we must somehow continue to live...

What if this family already has children? The statistics are scary and inexorable: 8 out of 10 marriages break up. This is a fact, not fiction! Why, because love is so pure and beautiful at the first stage of a relationship? Why does love develop into hatred, and how to live if you hate your own husband?

First of all, if your spouse objectively doesn’t do anything bad (doesn’t drink alcohol, doesn’t hit you, doesn’t cheat on you), then you should seriously think about where the problem “grows” from. Have you stopped loving him? Didn't he turn out the way you wanted? It may very well be.

Is he to blame for this? Essentially exactly the same as yourself. What to do now with all this disgrace? This is already a serious question...

What to do in this situation?

Of course, the wisest decision would be to save the family. If possible, do it this way. Find the strength within yourself to overcome hatred - and cultivate in your heart, if not love, then appreciation, gratitude and tolerance.

Someone other than you chose this person and forcibly dragged him down the aisle? It’s unlikely... Learn to take responsibility for your actions. Moreover, they are so important.

A huge fatal mistake modern people It is a misconception that marriage is a mere formality. And you can get divorced and remarried ten times.

But few people think that marriage is a sacred mystical ritual that affects our destiny on a subtle level and completely changes it. A simple stamp in a passport and a signature on a piece of paper is a very powerful thing.

And just getting a divorce is technically possible, but it will leave an imprint on your future fate. And very serious.

Are such concepts as fidelity, chastity, mutual respect invented in vain, by some fools? And here is a direct and simple answer to all questions regarding marriage and problems in it.

Happy, without a doubt, is the family in which a wise woman lives. Qualities wise woman a lot, but most importantly - do you know what? Learn to believe and understand that the best man for her is her husband.

At this point, many ladies will click contemptuously and say: “You don’t know my husband yet!” And they will be wrong. This is the true wisdom - to love him a year after the wedding, two, five, ten and fifty... A man who is always loved and expected at home will never be “bad”.

Treason is a reason for hatred!

Of course, this is a completely different case. How to live with your husband after betrayal, deception, betrayal?

Every offended woman exclaims: “What should I do if I hate my husband who cheated on me?”

Hatred is a natural reaction to such a tragedy in the family. How to live after betrayal and deception?

Here it is incredibly difficult for a woman to continue to control herself and try to “love him back”, this is not the case. If cheating has started, the situation is already serious, and a simple conversation will not do. But do not rush to pour out your hatred on your spouse.

A mistress is a terrible sentence for a wife. It is almost impossible to forgive, and there will be no more trust after betrayal.

But something needs to be done, because it is impossible to continue to hate and live with a deceiver, a traitor under one common roof, burning with hatred and poisoning him! And most often, the best option there is separation.

Are you ready for this? Of course, when we are overwhelmed by emotions and hatred, we can mess things up - and we are not afraid of the consequences. But think carefully, are you ready to leave after so many years? life together? Of course, if you are sure that this is the case, do not delay the decision. You need to be able to put a point.

But if your heart tells you that you shouldn’t destroy your family, don’t rush! Perhaps you can fix everything? After all, a woman is powerful, and she can achieve real accomplishments if she just wants to.

Do you want to live with your husband, overcome your hatred and cultivate good, bright feelings in yourself? If yes, then you can.

You just have to stop thinking “I hate my husband” and start changing your thoughts. It's very difficult. Understand why he cheats and what he is looking for on the side, what the other woman gives him - and after that begin to change.

After betrayal, it is incredibly difficult to concentrate and switch from emotions to logical thinking, but it needs to be done. If you decide to save your relationship, go for it.

He fell out of love...

It sounds so scary that you want to immediately fearfully knock on wood and cross yourself. For every woman this is a death sentence - and hatred here is a simple defensive reaction.

An abandoned, unloved, unwanted woman feels broken and often does not find the strength to live and breathe, only to hate. Aggression and hatred save, give strength - and help cope with pain, as it seems. But it only seems so...

A kind of sweet masochism that can last for several months, completely destroying a woman, literally burning her from the inside. The problem is that being in a state of hatred, your feminine essence is really destroyed - and the consequences will be disastrous.

The destructive power of hatred

A woman who hates her husband loses her beauty and youth, her energy becomes less pure and attractive to others.

Accordingly, suffering in suffering and hatred for a man, a woman excludes for herself the chances of finding worthy man in future. Is it worth doing? Of course no.

Instead, you need to start living in a new way. Divorce from your husband - peacefully, without drama. Wish him happiness – mentally and from the heart. And start new life, which will definitely be happy!

Please remember just one thing: a person who has hatred in his heart will never be truly happy.

So eradicate this feeling, fill your heart with love - learn to love animals, children, nature, the whole world around you. And then love will begin to attract itself to you, believe me!

But please, under no circumstances hold a grudge against ex-husband after divorce. The very attitude “I hate my ex-husband” is a guarantee that men will subconsciously be repulsed by you. As long as you have hatred for the stronger sex, no one will love you.

There is something to hate...

Alas, there are situations in which a woman hates her husband for very good reasons. In addition to hatred, there is also fear. And also - confusion and lack of understanding of how to live with this person.

In some families, there are domestic tyrants - men who poison the lives of their loved ones. They offend, seriously insult, humiliate and even, what’s terrible, beat. And this sometimes continues for years.

The irony is that such families last longer than those in which the problems are rather far-fetched and easier to solve peacefully. Often a woman herself comes up with problems and makes things up, exaggerates and dramatizes, and because of small conflicts, she destroys the family.

But in such truly serious cases, many women remain in the family. And at the same time they say that they don’t want to leave him - after all, the husband, his dear one, beats him - that means he loves him... And other strange things.

Fear is the main obstacle in these cases. In other situations, a woman acts as an aggressor, shouts “I hate my husband,” destroys and overthrows everything in her path without even looking - and she knows no fear.

And in a family where the aggressor is a man, the woman’s hatred is different - hidden, deaf, hidden far away and mixed with panic fear. The mixture is poisonous.

The terrible tragedy is that women leave such families less often than those in which everything can be improved. Namely, from such a family, where the husband allows himself to be a tyrant, you need to run away without looking back - and not even hope that everything will come to its senses.

It’s best not to be afraid and contact a special victim support service domestic violence– these services are available in all cities. Professional psychologists help women who are hostage to an unsuccessful marriage for free.

Remember that hating your husband does not mean solving the problem! If living with him is dangerous, the only way out is to leave!

Continue to hate?

What to do is always up to you. And here your decision is not so important as your internal state. This may seem frivolous, but the outcome of the matter depends on the content of your soul.

Hatred towards your own spouse is an absolutely unnatural phenomenon. After betrayal, betrayal, disappointment, quarrels... Resentment and bitterness may arise, but not hatred.

Hating your husband is not normal. Understand this and do everything you can to deal with it. Namely, to eradicate this hatred with all our might.

Even if he is to blame at least a thousand times, hatred harms you and affects your destiny. And also for health, because emotions are directly related to how we feel.

Wishing harm to someone, and even more so to your husband, is very wrong and destructive for yourself. It's a shame that few people think about this. Whether you decide to stay in the family or separate, your task is to stop hating.

How to do this in practice?

What to do if hatred rolls up to your throat like a hot wave, and you just want to curse? You need to learn to control your emotional background - this will be very useful for a woman. Meditation will come to the rescue.

Sit in a comfortable position - any position so that your back is straight and your body is relaxed. Close your eyes, take deep breaths, and notice your inhalation and exhalation.

To get rid of thoughts and stop the ringing internal dialogue, direct all your attention to your breathing - count the seconds of inhalation and exhalation. When you manage to concentrate and calm down a little, start meditating.

First, smile at yourself. Mentally, with kindness - just greet yourself, cheer yourself up with a smile. Then mentally greet the entire house you are in, the entire street, your entire neighborhood, and then the city.

In your thoughts, smile at your city, your country, and then at the whole Earth. Smile with your face, even if it’s through force - do it.

Then direct the smile into your heart - with the effort of your thoughts, as if lower the smile from your face to the solar plexus area. It will immediately become warm there, strong emotions may arise, tears may even flow - don’t be afraid.

Then focus on your hatred. Look at her from the outside, calmly. Listen - where is it? Yes, yes, all emotions are concentrated in some place in our body! You may feel hatred in your stomach, or perhaps in your knees, anywhere, but you will feel it very clearly.

Focus on this very place and begin to breathe deeply, imagining how with each exhalation this hatred flows out of you and seeps into the ground. Do this until all of it “flows” out of you.

Don't stop at just hatred. Do the same with fear, anger, resentment, pity... Do not waste time - you are doing very serious spiritual work, and you will not regret it if you try.

Know how to actualize emotions - understand what exactly you feel and work with them, dear ones. In any case, this will be very, very useful and good.

If you do this wonderful and completely simple meditation practice for at least two weeks, every day, then your life will quickly change, you will become much calmer and easier. You will be able to start another life, a new one, and bright, pleasant events will appear in it.

Remember - hatred poisons the life not only of the person at whom it is directed, but above all of yourself. Therefore, learn to manage your emotions and let into your heart only those that bring joy and health, will not destroy you, but, on the contrary, will make you better.

It’s easy to hate and sometimes even pleasant, but try to love – undeservedly, unselfishly, without demanding anything at all in return. Then your life will move to a completely different level. Don’t hesitate... Author: Vasilina Serova