A girl who knows her worth! What does it mean to “know your worth” What does it mean for a woman to know her worth.

(Zvyonka @ 09.10.2012 - time: 20:08)
(STRAN-NICK @ 09.10.2012 - time: 11:41)
My friends, I want to ask you! I often hear the phrase inflating your worth? What is it? Your intelligence, knowledge, experience are undoubtedly worth it! Have you ever asked the price of yourself? And how highly others rate you! These can be both professional qualities and human ones! It is impossible to evaluate yourself objectively. None of us will ever be able to correctly comment on either our reflection in the mirror, or our ability to impress others, or (especially) our character or intelligence.
Personally, I am terribly prone to self-criticism. Thus, I never “run into” a compliment, it’s just easier for me to live this way. This makes it much easier for me to reveal my own mistakes. This is how I develop myself.
It happens that my family and friends speak quite flatteringly about me. But they are family and friends... :rolleyes:
And you don’t need to evaluate it objectively, you need to set a price. When you write a resume, you clearly indicate what you can do and how much you want to get for it. Those. you offer a product - labor, the price of which is determined by its quantity and quality (cost expressed in monetary terms) and by the existing demand (variable value, determined by market conditions).

This approach is applicable not only to the employee-employer system:

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Every girl in her dreams wants to have at her complete disposal the very best... That is, handsome, strong, rich, with a separate apartment and car, who is sure to madly love his better half and forgive her her little weaknesses. In general, there are not enough fingers on my hands to list everything. And on the fingers of a girlfriend. And on the legs too. Then allow me one counter question: you want everything, but what do you offer in return? Unfortunately, one hundred girls out of a hundred will answer the same way. They will shrug their shoulders in bewilderment and say: “Yourself!” That is, on the one hand, handsome, rich, with a car, and on the other, only “himself.” But won't it be enough? On the one hand, there are fifty demands placed on men, on the other hand, you are the only one. Do you seriously think that on the scales of relationships, this one weight of yours will outweigh the mountain of others thrown on the opposite scale? Sorry, but there are many like you. So many. And there are also a lot of very beautiful ones, which you consider yourself to be. And those who are beautiful and rich can afford not to rush at the first beauty they meet, but to choose. Explain to me why, out of all of them, he should choose you and not someone else? How are you different from those who are no worse than you? Sorry again, but you can’t take only the eyes, bust and legs growing out of it from a man who has everything with him. Beauty without the ability to present it, without one or another individual highlight, is like a diamond encased in a copper frame. A diamond, of course, is a diamond, but seeing handcrafted copper, it would never occur to anyone to think that it is a diamond and not glass. Gems They require a precious frame, different from all others. In addition to beauty, at a minimum, you need the ability to present it, that is, you need a special charm, the ability to masterfully flirt, speak intelligently, not eat salad from a common salad bowl with a spoon, and much, much more. But the most important thing is that you need individuality! There are plenty of beautiful and identical “dolls” that look like they came off an assembly line. They are wildly successful. But not as a wife. Like periodically changing lovers. As an application to a legal wife. They don’t live long with “dolls.” It's boring with them. They are similar and therefore easily replaceable. And if so, then the scheme “I want a lot, for which I give myself” does not work. Whether you want it or not, if you want to get a lot, you must offer a lot in return. So, point versus point. And not necessarily in general, but in great detail. To put more weights on your scale. You are rich - and I am beautiful. Not generally beautiful, like many around, but individually. For example, legs are 15 cm higher than the national average. And the waist is three narrower. You can set against his knowledge of tax law the French language, which you speak perfectly. And also the ability to behave in society. Thorough knowledge of etiquette. Impeccable taste. Skill in perfect order maintain the house. Create a warm atmosphere in it. News family budget. And more... And more... Bah, you’ll have twice as many weights! The guy ran out of them a long time ago! And what do you have in stock... No, it won’t work that way! He only has wealth, a car and three apartments... And you... You’d better find someone else for yourself. Who has more merits? At least like yours. This is roughly how a woman who knows her worth should act. Or rather, she determined her worth by adding up many merits, and not by the unfounded belief that she was impeccable from all sides and, on the basis of this, everything should be fine for her.©

Self-esteem and self-love determine our mental comfort. By denying his own personality, a person cannot believe in his own strengths and lowers his level of aspirations. Analyze how well you feel about yourself.

Self-respect, usually called self-esteem, and self-esteem constitute the core of personality. Our motivations, life goals and aspirations depend on the level of self-esteem.

To understand how well you feel about yourself, answer the question: “Do you accept yourself as you are?” Or have you created an unattainable image, you understand that you are far from it, but you don’t even try to get closer to your ideal self?

While the superego energetically goes for morning runs, eats a balanced diet, reads smart books, never loses mental balance and never loses in arguments, the ego mostly reclines on the couch and watches TV after returning from hateful work. There is no need to talk about self-respect in this situation. It’s another matter if a person behaves as his ideal image could act, or at least takes real steps in the right direction.

The conflict between the ideal image and reality will hinder self-esteem until you begin to overcome natural laziness and engage in self-improvement. True, there is an easier way - give up the ideal image, lower the bar. The place of your ideal image will be taken by a lazy person and a slob, and you will merge in a harmonious union. It's unlikely you'll be proud of yourself, but maybe it won't bother you. I hope no one has the desire to relax and grunt?

How to grow self-esteem

So, self-esteem increases as we gradually move closer to our own created ideal, and decreases as we move away from it. Let's figure out the ideal image. Do you know him well? How do you measure up to him? I propose to create your ideal portrait: what would we like to be if the circumstances were favorable?

We take a blank sheet of paper and write down in a column the qualities that our ideal ego should have. We look through the list and note the qualities that we already possess. Are there many coincidences? The more there are, the higher the level of self-esteem should be. In other words, the closer the ideal, the more reasons to respect yourself. By the way, the absolute coincidence of the ideal and the real indicates excessive self-confidence or low self-esteem.

The real and ideal selves cannot coincide with an adequate assessment of oneself, because then the conflict will disappear - the driving force that forces us to move forward and improve. And without development, degradation begins - this is inevitable. The surmountable discrepancy between the ideal and the real self forces one to grow and respect oneself. But what to do if the discrepancies are huge, but there is no strength to change anything?

Let's deal with self-esteem

Psychologists say that you first need to understand how the false image was formed, since self-esteem with such an imbalance is clearly inadequate.

For example, Peter dreams of earning 20 thousand rubles a month without control from his boss. Fedor is making plans for a bungalow on the ocean and spiritual practices in Tibet. If in the first case there is low self-esteem, then in the second there are ambitious goals and needs of a completely different plan. Of course, these people have very different ideas about themselves, and apparently the ways to achieve their goals will also be different.

The plans of a person who respects himself are quite feasible, although their implementation requires tension. But with distorted self-esteem, underestimated or overestimated, self-respect, for the most part, is a farce. A person with an incomplete secondary education who imagines himself to be a president and a certified philologist who works as a loader are equally far from true self-respect.

We recognize a person with self-esteem by his constant balance, goodwill and openness. A truly self-respecting person does not need to constantly put up cordons around his person; such a person is always ready for dialogue and is easy to communicate with. Another characteristic feature is a respectful attitude towards people, regardless of their age and status.

Unconditional self-respect

The second component of self-esteem is the basic attitude “I feel good (bad) about myself.” This belief does not depend on the opinions of others or on our real merits; it originates in very early childhood, when only the assessment of parents matters. If this component prevails, a person treats himself with respect.

By combining basic self-love and the feeling that you are getting closer to your own ideal image, self-respect is confirmed by self-esteem. This is the happy occasion when a person becomes balanced, effective and completely satisfied with the overall assessment of his life.

Distortions occur if, with real achievements, there is no emotional approval of oneself or, conversely, self-love is not supported by the grounds for self-esteem. There are feelings of undervaluation and resentment towards life.

The embodiment of self-esteem is a lion in its natural habitat. Are there many people who want to test how strong he is? This is how people feel how self-esteem is developed in us. Few people think of making a bad or vulgar joke with a person with developed self-esteem, or of manipulating him. Attempts are, of course, possible, but they are stopped clearly and unequivocally. Individuals suffering from low self-esteem periodically find themselves in situations where others abuse their kindness, humiliate them and interfere in their personal spheres. Lack of self-esteem becomes a provocation for individuals prone to rudeness, which leads to a deepening of the belief: “I am unworthy.”

How to learn to respect yourself

We cannot change those around us, so we will have to change ourselves. Learn to be proud of yourself and give yourself reasons to be so. One day you will notice how your inner position will manifest itself in your posture, gaze and facial expression. Rest assured, those around you will appreciate the changes, and you will like the changes.

Only you yourself can assess the state of your self-esteem and understand how much work lies ahead. We can give some general tips to get you started.

Don't deny yourself

Accept yourself as you are. This is how parents love their children - of course, regardless of their appearance and character flaws. There are no ideal people, but there are people who are confident in themselves.

Develop yourself

If you love yourself, try to improve yourself: read a lot, expand your horizons, work on yourself.

Learn to love yourself

We are not talking about selfishness, which is based solely on satisfying one’s own needs. But don’t treat yourself like an enemy, allow yourself some liberties at least sometimes. Make a list of pleasures that you would like to indulge in. Perhaps you will be delighted by shopping or a bath with fragrant foam, or maybe you have long dreamed of just spending the whole weekend at home reading a book. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Be loyal to yourself

Treat yourself tolerantly, don’t be angry with yourself if something doesn’t work out right away, don’t reproach yourself mercilessly for failures. Try again or more than once - and everything will definitely work out.

Find something you like

It’s hard to respect yourself if every morning you have to curse the alarm clock, drag yourself to a job you hate, and consider yourself a galley slave. Change your profession if necessary, but do what you love. When you stop making a daily sacrifice, you will feel like a creator and you will no longer have to worry about self-esteem.

"Census" of the environment

Analyze how pleasant the people you communicate with are. If you know there is someone you don't feel comfortable meeting, do your best to reduce contact to a minimum. You will get rid of negative emotions and stop feeling remorse for being constantly irritated.

Don't be fooled by empty promises

Learn to keep your promises. Having promised yourself something, try to fulfill it - you will enjoy it and at the same time increase your level of self-esteem.

Don't compare yourself to others

There is no need for you to compare yourself with anyone - you are a separate person, worthy of respect and not in need of role models. If someone, in your opinion, is worthy of imitation, evaluate his experience, analyze his actions, life principles. You can learn a lot from more successful people, but you don't have to compare yourself to them.

Let go of the past

Forget about your old grievances, forgive the offenders and wish them all the best. While you continually return to past events, the present passes by. You miss opportunities by continuing disputes that have already ended. This is a pointless waste of time and effort.

Value yourself, and if you think that there are not enough reasons for this, engage in self-improvement. We cannot always change our circumstances, but everyone can learn to live with dignity. Don’t do things that you will be ashamed of, don’t betray yourself and be honest with yourself - then you can respect yourself with every right.

“You don’t know your worth,” you can sometimes hear about yourself, but how do you know your worth? A wonderful, wise parable will help.

A parable about how to know your worth

The young man took the ring and rode away. Arriving at the market square, he began to offer the ring to the traders, and at first they looked at his goods with interest. But as soon as they heard about the gold coin, they immediately lost all interest in the ring. Some openly laughed in his face, others simply turned away, and only one elderly merchant kindly explained to him that a gold coin was too much high price for such a ring and that for it they can only give a copper coin, well, in extreme cases, a silver one.

Hearing the old man’s words, the young man was very upset, because he remembered the Master’s order to never lower the price below a gold coin. Having walked around the entire market and offered the ring to about a hundred people, the young man saddled his horse again and returned. Greatly depressed by the failure, he went to the Master.
“Master, I could not fulfill your instructions,” he said sadly. - IN best case scenario I could get a couple for a ring silver coins, but you didn’t tell me to settle for less than a gold coin! This ring doesn't cost that much.
-You just said very important words, son! – the Master responded. – Before trying to sell a ring, it would be a good idea to establish its true value! Well, who can do this better than a jeweler? Go to the jeweler and ask him how much he will offer us for the ring. Just no matter what he answers you, don’t sell the ring, but come back to me.
The young man jumped on his horse again and went to the jeweler.

The jeweler looked at the ring through a magnifying glass for a long time, then weighed it on small scales and finally turned to the young man:
-Tell the Master that now I cannot give him more than fifty-eight gold coins. But if he gives me time, I will buy the ring for seventy, given the urgency of the transaction.
-Seventy coins?! – the young man laughed joyfully, thanked the jeweler and ran back at full speed.
“Sit here,” said the Master, after listening to the animated story. young man.
And know, son, that you are this very ring. Precious and unique!
And only a true expert can evaluate you. So why do you walk around the bazaar, expecting that the first person you meet will do it?

People don’t know their worth and try to sell themselves cheap to the first people they meet, but how reasonable is this? A short parable about the true price of a person. Know your worth!

One day a young man came to the Master and said:

“I came to you because I feel so pathetic and worthless that I don’t want to live.” Everyone around me says that I am a loser, a bungler and an idiot. I ask you, Master, help me!

The master, glancing briefly at the young man, hastily replied:

“With... pleasure, Master,” he muttered, noting with bitterness that he was once again being relegated to the background.

“Okay,” said the Master and took a small ring with a beautiful stone from his left little finger.

- Take your horse and ride to the market square! I urgently need to sell this ring to pay off my debt. Try to get more for it and under no circumstances agree to a price lower than a gold coin! Go ahead and come back as soon as possible! The young man took the ring and rode away. Arriving at the market square, he began to offer the ring to the traders, and at first they looked at his goods with interest.

But as soon as they heard about the gold coin, they immediately lost all interest in the ring. Some openly laughed in his face, others simply turned away, and only one elderly merchant kindly explained to him that a gold coin was too high a price for such a ring and that they could only give him a copper coin, or at least a silver one.

Hearing the old man’s words, the young man was very upset, because he remembered the Master’s order to never lower the price below a gold coin. Having walked around the entire market and offered the ring to about a hundred people, the young man saddled his horse again and returned. Greatly depressed by the failure, he went to the Master.

“Master, I could not fulfill your instructions,” he said sadly. “At best, I could get a couple of silver coins for the ring, but you didn’t tell me to settle for less than a gold coin!” This ring doesn't cost that much.

“You just said very important words, son!” – the Master responded. – Before trying to sell a ring, it would be a good idea to establish its true value! Well, who can do this better than a jeweler? Go to the jeweler and ask him how much he will offer us for the ring. Just no matter what he answers you, don’t sell the ring, but come back to me. The young man jumped on his horse again and went to the jeweler.

The jeweler looked at the ring through a magnifying glass for a long time, then weighed it on small scales and finally turned to the young man:

“Tell the Master that right now I can’t give him more than fifty-eight gold coins.” But if he gives me time, I will buy the ring for seventy, given the urgency of the transaction.

- Seventy coins?! – the young man laughed joyfully, thanked the jeweler and ran back at full speed.

“Sit here,” said the Master, after listening to the young man’s animated story. And know, son, that you are this very ring. Precious and unique! And only a true expert can evaluate you. So why do you walk around the bazaar, expecting that the first person you meet will do it?

« I am everything to him, and he is nothing to me! I loved and cherished him, but he didn’t even buy me a cup of coffee!” - the usual whining of women who do not know their worth. They spend their whole lives on their knees in the role of beggars and cheap givers. They give the man all of themselves, simultaneously begging in the style of: “throw me money for the phone,” “be more kind to me!”, “Call me, call me!” - this is not an attempt to transfer relations to a qualitatively different level - this is all, again, from the category of begging.

The cheap slut hopes that the man, like her, will give away his resources for free: love, money, connections, professional skills...This is absurd! Does she expect a respectable man to stop appreciating what he has like she does?

Knows his worth a man either pays or bargains, but clearly and clearly realizes that for free there is either cheese in a mousetrap or garbage.

Such women whining about their fate receive handouts from the master's table. She herself chose - not to earn respect and money, but to beg!

Man, self-worth, will not give anything away until he is given an invoice in a cunning form. If you, one way or another, do not inform a man about the value of your warmth, then it will not be valued. It’s the same as dreaming that in a store all people would approach the cash register only at the behest of their hearts. At the behest of your heart, you can throw a coin to a beggar, but you have to pay to satisfy your needs and fulfill your desires.

You may object: “But what about kindness and generosity of soul, what about love?”

Love is a road in both directions, otherwise it’s a scam!!! Love, in the highest sense of the word, does exist, but the difference between the bright people who radiate it and the cheap givers is that they realize that they GIVE their warmth and energy and are not offended for ingratitude. They understand their purpose and do not complain or try to impose guilt on others.

Cheap givers blame others for not valuing them, while at the same time they are unable to appreciate the good that others do for them. According to some sheep logic, they were originally owed from the creation of the world:

- those who can do more are in debt;

- those who know more than them are in debt;

- those who earn more are in debt;

They don’t understand that people who have more than them worked hard, got their money’s worth, crammed textbooks sometimes to the point of exhaustion, to the point of a hospital bed! They can't wrap their heads around the idea that other people deserve to be appreciated for their work. They don’t understand: “Why do other people value themselves so dearly?” It’s not clear: “Why do other people even demand money from me? Why should I pay, because I do everything for free!”

A beggar will not become the master of her own destiny. A free giver only gives what she doesn’t mind. Although she will never admit this even to herself. If she devoted herself entirely to a man, then she simply needed a man, well, badly! It was easier for her to think and she did not want to take responsibility for what happened to her in a relationship with a man.

Yes, she needed him, but not so much that for the sake of a healthy equal relationship with him, go and earn YOURSELF an apartment, a car, a house, lose weight, climb Mount Everest, defend a dissertation... So that later you don’t blame a man for the fact that he has the right to say: “Like a husband, like a wife!” Why should I obey your orders? I have a different opinion...” And don’t try to convince yourself empty space something that doesn’t exist: “I’m beautiful, I’m smart - in general, I’m a queen!”

This post was a kind of test for readers, who were immediately divided into three categories:

1. Those who did not take it personally, but enjoyed the energy-charged text.

2. Those who were hurt and offended by what they read.

3. Those who were hurt, but charged with the energy that is so necessary for a speedy journey.

Such “attacks” are practiced at some business trainings, where people come who want to build up their skin, get a major boost and the will to win.

Knowing Vanessa personally, I can say that she, being an internally tough person, does not flaunt it. The post was written for the benefit of readers, in order to shake up ambitious and, at the same time, virgins who do not want to work on themselves, who cannot be reached by delicate calls from other articles.

Soul and personal experience have been put into this article. The video explains how personal experience influences the value of the materials offered.

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