How to find love in adulthood. Four ages of love, or love in adulthood

But no matter how it seems, in at different ages feelings are different from each other. In the prime of adolescence, everything seems much brighter and simpler. They don’t care about small everyday problems or what others will say. You love your soulmate only because she is with you, and this proves a lot, as it seems at that moment. A person is loved not for something, but simply because he is nearby. To a greater extent at this age they choose according to appearance, material status, popularity. After all, many young people meet only for ostentatious significance and to give a certain authority.

Love in more mature age not so cloudless. It’s not for nothing that there is such a proverb: “You need to get married when you’re young.” This suggests that at a young age feelings are much freer and are not driven into boundaries. In adulthood, one comes to the realization that simply loving is not enough; the main components of a reliable relationship are needed: trust, respect, understanding, the ability to compromise, support; these feelings are as important as love itself. This may be why it is much more difficult to find a mate when they become adults. Because they are guided not only by feeling, but also by attitude and attention. This can be verified very simply; help in difficult times indicates a desire to support in a difficult situation, to lend a shoulder, and to be a reliable support. During illness, protect from all adversities. Material support, the desire to give the best to your soulmate. All these proofs of love work in adulthood only when they are collected into a single whole. Love for a person without the main components is possible, but it just doesn’t last long, and it quickly passes when you are faced with life’s difficulties, problems quickly sober up and force you to see the light.

A man who fell in love with a woman with a child, bears double responsibility. Since he must protect not only his beloved woman, but also his child. When choosing a partner, a woman with a child motivates her choice by a general attitude. Since she and the child are one whole, the man must understand that the mother will not go against the will and well-being of her child. Whatever is good for the child will be good for the mother. Under no circumstances should you force yourself. You need to gain trust and achieve understanding. If a child sees that his mother is respected and loved, then he himself will be drawn to you. If on the contrary, then you will never be able to achieve a positive result. Children feel everything on a subconscious level; it is impossible to deceive them.

It's stupid to think that love only happens at a young age. Stronger and more reliable feelings arise in late age. They undergo a kind of “selection” based on the components listed above. If such a person is found, this love will last forever, unlike youthful love. Therefore, do not hesitate to show feelings at any age, but do not forget about your loved ones, children, parents. They need to know that you are happy, you feel good. Let them rejoice with you.

For many, mature love is associated exclusively with psychology: readiness for a serious relationship, accumulated life experience, and worldly wisdom. Others remember physiological characteristics: decreased libido, decreased number of sexual intercourse, improved quality of sexual life. Family psychologists and sexologists talk about the need to perceive this phenomenon in its entirety. Relationships between partners always affect intimate life.

Psychologists about mature love

Philosophers once wrote about mature love. For example, the famous German specialist Erich Fromm. He meant by this concept a feeling in which there is no egoism, there is a mutual unification of life and interests (in many ways). But at the same time, the uniqueness of the personality of each lover is preserved. Subsequently, this concept was repeatedly considered by his students and followers.

Psychologists never tire of repeating: the feeling under discussion can visit a person at any age. In the West, for example, weddings over the age of 60 will not surprise anyone. At the same time, the age difference ceases to play a noticeable role: a marriage between a man who is 80 and a woman 50 is not so shocking and does not cause a strong resonance.

Public opinion ceases to matter significantly. Among other things, people of advanced age often retire. They manage to succeed in their career, start a business, and earn quite a large amount of money.

Therefore, they may well devote time to their personal life, leisure, hobbies, travel, and pets. Many admit: the quality of life increases noticeably. Therefore, there are much more opportunities for expressing feelings. People are becoming wiser. They are less inclined to maximalism, which can ruin the lives of them and those around them, they weigh the words spoken more, and begin to be much more critical of their own actions. Mature age is a time of reassessment, learning from mistakes made.

But it cannot be said that the period under discussion hides only one positive sides. Only the number of years lived does not give wisdom. People often acquire baggage in the form of property, a certain position in society, connections, a circle of acquaintances, which they value. They are also rarely alone: ​​relatives, friends, children, grandchildren, nephews. Therefore, meeting a new object for feelings sometimes causes conflicting emotions.

Respectable age can periodically lead to a crisis, a reassessment of one’s life path, and the emergence of a feeling of internal dissatisfaction. Many are trying to make up for what they didn’t give themselves in their youth, they refuse to perceive their age, they try to behave like they were, say, 20 years old. Sometimes such behavior leads to the emergence of a new love, a bright flash of passion. But with them comes an exacerbation of chronic diseases, nervous exhaustion, and disappointment. Such crises are quite dangerous and can threaten already established family relationships.

Sexologists about mature love

Sexologists see no obstacles to intimacy at almost any age. Weakening libido is much more often associated with psychogenic causes or diseases than with natural age-related decline. However, the latter can be slowed down. With a competent approach, mature love can give quite a lot of pleasure and increase the tone of the body. The main thing is not to turn your bed into a testing ground, not to strive to prove something to yourself, to avoid the desire to compete.

A stereotype would be to imagine such love primarily between a mature man and a young girl, or vice versa. A similar feeling with multifaceted manifestations can appear between peers; many couples retain it throughout their lives. Therefore, at 50, 60 years old, the quality of intimacy is explained by a fairly good knowledge of each other. The character grinding and family crises are long behind us; people already know each other quite well. The above affects relationships.

Physiological side of the issue

After the onset of menopause, women do not always cool down to intimate life. Much is individual and often depends on the hormonal state of the body. However, today science has developed quite a large number of different drugs and products designed to make a woman’s intimate life easier. The vagina produces much less lubrication due to age. But you can use special substitutes.

It is better to select medications directly with your doctor. A gynecologist can help, sometimes it is rational to contact a sexologist.

Some remedies not only improve the quality of intimate life, but also significantly help normalize blood pressure and speed up metabolism.

For men, a moderate intimate life will also bring a lot of positive things. In addition to endorphins (which have a beneficial effect on both sexes), sex brings a state of relaxation. They are a completely normal load for the cardiovascular system. If you don’t overdo it, don’t abuse tonics, and don’t mix them with alcohol, then the risk of a heart attack during sex is minimized.

Naturally, we must not forget that sexual intercourse (and orgasm) represent positive stress. Therefore, if there are direct contraindications from intimate life, you should abstain. True, doctors almost never prohibit sexual contacts completely. Most often, a specific time period is implied, a period of rehabilitation after the operation.

It is also advisable to take medical advice on the dosage in which you can use drugs that stimulate libido and improve the quality of sex. Basic recommendations regarding the issue of compatibility of drugs with alcohol and other drugs must be kept in mind. With reasonable care, mature love can bring a lot of joyful discoveries.

Inside every person there is an invisible struggle between the desire for peace, which is very close to loneliness, and the desire to have a family, which entails constant responsibilities and worries, and at such a moment we only dream of peace, especially women.
We never feel lonely as long as our children are with us.
When a woman is left alone with small children, she feels unprotected, I immediately remember the moment at the end of the first episode of the film “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears” - the main character raised her daughter alone, studied, worked and cried into her pillow at night - such a familiar story for many women .

Over time, the children grow up and become virtually independent individuals, the woman develops a feeling of freedom and at the same time a feeling of loneliness: the main character of the film, leaving her married lover, buys herself flowers...
In adulthood, women who remain single already remain so , and not because they don’t want love again, everyone always wants love, but there is no longer confidence that it is possible to actually meet your soulmate, but all because the search circle is narrowing to an ugly small size.
According to statistics, in Russia, during the so-called period of maturity, for every 10 women there are only 8 men.
And if you take away married people, alcoholics and non-social objects, then the numbers tell us that in any case, many women simply cannot find a partner, because there is simply no one.

One way out is to look for a partner in a different age group.

You may be lucky, but as always and everywhere, approximately 80% of 100 will be unsuccessful choices, since the difference between generations in the perception of themselves and the world around them exists and leads to misunderstanding of each other.

The second option is to look for a partner abroad.

In many countries, the ratio of men and women is radically opposite.
Especially in China and India. Due to the desire of parents at any cost to have the first child in the family - a boy (birth rate restrictions in China by the state), in India (difficulty in marrying off a daughter if there is no dowry), lead to the fact that in these countries there is already a catastrophic shortage of women half of humanity, and many men of these nations seek to move to other countries not only because of work, but also because of the lack of female sex.
In Italy, there is also disharmony, so many Italians are ready to date Russian women. And many find their happiness.
In such circumstances, the main thing on the woman’s part is the desire to learn the language of the country where the potential partner lives and gain the necessary knowledge of the mentality of the nation and understand whether she can accept them with both soul and body.
Since ignorance of both most often leads to catastrophic consequences.

Of course, everyone is looking for partners older than their age.

It is interesting that women perceive age differences in any direction more calmly than men. Men, if they are younger, may have a complex because of this, for example, in front of their friends (though not all of them), or, conversely, be jealous of a woman “at every post” if the man is much older.
Women, being calm about the age difference, more often get into trouble about this, so to speak. Many men strive, with the help of their beautiful and kind nature, to skip through their unsuccessful periods of life, not planning a long-term relationship with them, but at the same time constantly repeating that they only have serious intentions...

And again the question arises: is it possible to meet your soulmate in adulthood? There is no clear answer.
For those who love adventure and stress and thus feel that life needs to make some effort in this direction, and something will definitely work out, maybe good, maybe not so much...
For those who believe that only God (the Universe) controls their destiny, you just need to make your wish and set it free... and you will succeed, but you will succeed only when you really need it.))

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Discussion on the topic: what to wear on a first date. Before a first date, many girls think about whether it will continue. And indeed, not always

No matter what anyone says about meeting your past love or the passion of your youth, one thing is clear: meeting your past love is always a test.

Feelings have no boundaries - neither age nor social status can stop love. So why do you so often hear about young hearts inflamed with unearthly passion for each other, but it is not customary to talk about love in adulthood? It may be very different from what a person experiences in his distant youth, but this in no way cancels out all its charm.

Flaws

As long as the children live nearby, the woman does not feel lonely. When do they go out? adult life and become independent, she remains alone with her thoughts, fears, desires. But forgotten freedom also returns to her, with which something must be done. You can, of course, devote yourself to your grandchildren, then great-grandchildren, but what if you want to find a match before it’s too late?

The circle of potential partners at this age is small- this is the main drawback. All peers are most likely either married or of no interest. There are two ways out. Or agree to a relationship with a man who is older, and this essentially turns out to be a nurse at the bedside of an elderly husband. The second option is to expand your circle of acquaintances. All means are good here: dating sites, word of mouth, active public life. If you still want to enjoy love, do not neglect any chance to meet it anywhere.

The second disadvantage is It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that there will never be the same intensity of passions that we had in our youth. Passion in youth replaces love, but how it makes your eyes light up and makes your head spin. All the disadvantages of a partner are simply not noticed: hormones allow you to close your eyes to a lot. In maturity, the gaze is too critical and will not allow you to plunge into the novel with ease and recklessness.

Advantages

The most important advantage of love in adulthood is wisdom. Disappointments are unlikely, because, despite the fact that all the shortcomings are visible to the naked eye, you are able to accept your loved one with all the problems, because with age comes tolerance for many things and the ability to forgive.

Well, the most important advantage: life can still start again, taking into account all your mistakes. If you take care of your health, the period of activity will continue for a very long time, which means that together with your new spouse you will discover many things that you had never imagined before. New acquaintances, pleasant communication, dates - you can’t give up on yourself or devote yourself to serving something, it’s time to remember about yourself.