How to involve a father in raising a child? What can dads do with their kids at home and outside? What should dad do with his child?

Today we have a post from Yana Kataeva, author of the blog 7Yana.tv. Three years ago, she visited us as a guest, and now she works as a family consultant, helping to resolve issues of relationships with children and many other equally important things.

Enthusiastic dads are common in nature, but, alas, much less common are enthusiastic mothers. If your husband does not show a strong interest in playing with the child, this is a reason... to help him become interested.

Ask about your childhood.

When your husband was a boy, there was probably something he was good at. Draw pictures, plan, design. Find out more about this and ask your husband to teach the child or do something for him. Our dad has already made dozens of wooden swords and staves for his son, and they invariably arouse his son’s delight and the envy of other boys.

Delegate to your husband what he does better than you.

When during the day your child asks you to make a bulldozer for him, answer that dad will do a much better job of this task. And when your husband comes home from work in the evening, be sure to tell him that the child has been waiting for him all day and dreams of making a bulldozer with him. Such “matchmaking” on both sides benefits the relationship.

Respect your husband’s right to his own ideas about order and what is acceptable in games.

Very often, mom is ready to allow children much more than dad in their experiments and creativity. Many dads don't like playing with cereal, water, or paint because of the mess it creates. Find compromises (for example, we play as we want, but when you arrive we remove the cereal from the floor) and remember that you do not have a monopoly on the truth.

Increase your husband’s authority in the eyes of your children, create a cult of dad.

The cult of dad in the family is created by mom.

Here are some ways:

When he comes home from work, he joyfully shouts to the children: “Dad, daddy has come!”
Create a ritual of saying goodbye to dad before he leaves for work, as well as meeting him after a hard day.
Every time the child is happy about what dad did, tell your husband about it.
Emphasize to your husband that the child is waiting for some event, a joint, even short, trip that can be made with dad (for example, to a car wash).
Tell your husband in the evening that you remembered him during the day, looked through photographs - the whole family was waiting for him from work.

Tell your husband interesting little things about your day with your baby.

What game did I come up with today, what question did I ask, how did I make you laugh. This will give your husband a feeling of involvement in your everyday life.

Offer games and specific activities.

Some dads find it difficult to figure out what to play with their child. They spend much more time with him and are less attuned to the children's “wave”. Gently suggest: “Maybe you can arrange a race with dad?”, “Let’s treat dad? His leg hurts. Bring the doctor’s kit”, “Misha is at the store today. Buy something from him while I set the table.”

Avoid criticism.

Moms are very upset that, while staying with their children, dads strive to attach them to the screen of some device. But criticizing, blaming, and ironizing is completely useless. It’s better, again, to gently suggest: “Today there was already a lot of screen time. Maybe look at the pictures in the encyclopedia?

Strengthen the “Me + Husband” camp.

This is my favorite. I often observe a strong imbalance in family systems: the strong “mother and children” camp and the weak “husband and wife”. There is no more reliable way to extinguish a husband’s interest in activities with children than to give him the feeling: “they have their own life here, and I’m superfluous.”

Leave the children with dad.

Go for a walk yourself. Everyone benefits greatly from this. 🙂 It’s okay if you end up in a mess and the kids are doing idle things instead of doing educational things. It is very important for dad to find his own style of communication with children. This is much easier to do in your absence.

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While expecting a baby, we imagine idyllic pictures: a happy mother pours tea, a happy father plays with his child. In reality, things are a little different.

Household chores and worries fall on the woman’s shoulders, as well as the troubles associated with the baby. And a loving father posts a photo with a stroller on social networks, proudly tells his friends about the baby, but in fact plays with him for about 10 minutes a day.

Of course, it happens in different ways. But almost every new mother wants her husband to do more with the child, and almost every father wants to find more free time for himself and his interests. What can be done to maintain peace in the family and bring the child and dad closer together? Depends on the reason why the husband is not eager to take care of the baby.

Family tradition

Each of us, one way or another, copies the behavior model of our own parents. Did your husband, even as a little boy, notice that his own father was not particularly involved with him? It is not surprising if in your family he takes the position of an observer rather than an active participant: it is not a man’s business to change diapers.

What should I do?

To change the situation, you need to break stereotypes: carefully, calmly and gradually explain and prove to your husband how important his participation in raising the child is. Focus his attention on the emotions that the baby receives from communicating with dad, and do not forget to talk about how you and your baby miss a strong man’s shoulder.

Is he categorically against changing diapers and washing baby's bottom? Let him choose a more noble activity - walking with the baby, going to bed listening to The Beatles, playing ball and cars. Look, he will get involved and cope with the diaper. It is important that the spouse understands: parenting is not a purely female responsibility.

Workload

Often we want everything from our men at once: to earn money, to love us, and to play with our children. But if your spouse comes home after midnight, tired and exhausted, and on the weekends he pores over reports, then what kind of games are there with the baby?

What should I do?

Look at your husband’s workload objectively and draw conclusions. If such employment is constant, then perhaps it’s worth talking to your significant other about changing your place of employment or reducing the amount of work? If this is temporary, for example, a contract for a couple of weeks, be patient: the man will cope with his task and return to the family. But while you're waiting, don't forget to remind yourself that it's not easy for you right now.

Doesn't feel confident

Often, from the very birth of the baby, when we put the baby in our husband’s hands, we begin to find fault: “You’re taking it wrong! Hold your head!”, “How do you change the diaper?”, “Is it a straitjacket or did you swaddle him like that?” In the end, the spouse simply gives up and decides for himself: “I can’t do anything. I’ll only hurt the baby.”

What should I do?

To avoid such a situation, do not forget about praise - it should simply flow from the lips of new mothers. And the husband calms the child better, and the little one smiles at him wider, and looks in love, and the game turns out to be the most exciting! As they say, we like what we get. You will see, after such words your spouse will definitely love to tinker with the baby!

No interest

And who is interested in assembling a pyramid for the hundredth time or driving a typewriter on the carpet? What if it’s a girl who has ten unkempt dolls? Of course, any man will howl! What should I do?

Leave these boring activities to yourself, grandmothers, aunts - in general, to those who have more patience. And let the husband do what he loves: playing football, fixing toys, drawing airplanes, doing push-ups for a while! You'll see, the child will also be interested in learning something new. He will become so carried away by this that he won’t want to play with any dolls!

Not ready

Not ready for a child or did not want this child at all. Or the relationship with his wife has become cold, and the father’s indifference to his child is simply an echo of this. Or a husband is jealous of his wife for the baby because she has completely stopped paying attention to him.

Photo: Kostia Gerashchenko/Rusmediabank.ru

Usually, from early childhood, the mother is involved in raising the child. Dad often spends little time with the baby. His role is limited to making money. How to teach a father to interact with his child and communicate with him more often?

The role of the father

Mom is the most important person for the baby, who gives the baby love and care. But dad is also very important for the proper psychological development of the child. The Pope is associated with protection, courage and discipline. That is, the father gives a feeling of security.

Moreover, the older the child, the more the baby needs a father. At each age, dad plays a different role:
from 0 to 1 year – the father gives a feeling of security;
from 1 to 3 years – dad helps the child become more independent and begin to separate from mom;
from 3 to 6 years old – the father’s task is to show the limits of what is permitted;
from 6 to 17 years old - the father plays the role of a model of male behavior. That is, the son shapes his future behavior of his father and husband, and the daughter shapes the image of her future husband.

If at some age a child does not receive what he should from his father, this can provoke the development of certain complexes. For example, if the father has little contact with a child under three years old, it is difficult for the baby to separate from the mother, or he does it quickly and not always correctly. Or, if the father practically does not communicate with the teenager and does not understand him, the son adopts his behavior. This means that in the future he will also not be able to establish relationships with his teenage children. Of course, this is an optional development scenario, but the risks increase, and the likelihood of such behavior becomes higher.

So, a father is necessary in raising a child, so that he can assimilate women and men from an early age, so that the baby feels protected, so that the baby becomes independent in time.

How to involve dad in raising a baby?

What to do if the father is not too eager to communicate with the baby? It will take some time to teach the baby and dad to interact.

But if it was not possible to prepare during pregnancy or after childbirth, the father does not participate in raising the baby, you will have to help him with this.

What to do? Here are some tips to help dad learn to communicate with the baby:
From the very birth of the baby, give dad simple tasks - change the diaper, rock him to sleep;
leave dad and baby alone more often - not from the first weeks, but from 2-3 months you can already leave the child with dad for at least half an hour. This will strengthen their bond;
don’t criticize dad if he’s afraid to do something or if something doesn’t work out for him - it’s better to praise him even for a small success.

Women sometimes make a mistake: they believe that a small child cannot be entrusted to the father. This only alienates the father from the baby. He gets used to the fact that the baby is the woman’s care and does not take the initiative. In fact, men can also cope with a child, the main thing is to help him with this.

After the baby grows up, the father’s field of activity expands. You can play together, read, do a common favorite activity, or take a walk.

So, when the baby grows up, you should:
organize more joint activities - walks and bike rides, games on the street and at home, visiting various events (cinema, children's park with attractions);
find something in common - if both love the same thing, they will definitely spend more time together. For example, go mushroom picking, draw, cook original dishes;
if there is very little time for communication (for example, dad goes on business trips or works late), it is necessary to set aside at least half an hour for quality communication - you cannot brush off the baby, even if the father is tired. It is very important to simply talk to your child or read a story before bed;
on weekends, do something with the whole family - go hiking together, have a picnic, play volleyball.

If parents are divorced

It is very desirable to preserve the relationship between the child and the father, even if... After all, communication with the father is important for the baby, even if the father is not very keen on it.

First of all, you need to determine the time and territory of the meetings. You can go for a walk together or meet at dad’s, or you can meet on the territory of mother and child. Here we must proceed from the wishes of both the child and the father. The time is also to choose the optimal one for both.

You don't have to meet every day. However, meetings must be of high quality. It is very important that during meetings there are no clarifications of relations between parents. This will only harm the child. And in general, it is important to develop a child’s respectful attitude towards both parents.

Both mom and dad are important to the child. Therefore, from birth, the baby should feel the love and care of his parents.

Very often, dads feel awkward when they have to babysit their little son. Things to do? What to play? You can’t really kick the ball around in the apartment. Maybe to your favorite “tanks”? In fact, cooperative games are not limited to “shooting games” and “football”. There is a lot of interesting entertainment for every age.

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As a rule, the mother spends most of the day with the children, so as soon as the father of the family appears on the doorstep, the children hang around their necks asking to play. You shouldn’t refuse, because playing together lays the foundation for relationships. In boys' games, the main goal of which is to develop masculine qualities, dad plays an important role.

Board games

Board games are an excellent opportunity to demonstrate by personal example how to accept defeat and victory with dignity. As you know, men's logic differs from women's, so it is useful if dad explains the rules of the game, tells him which strategy to choose, etc.

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Role-playing games for dad and son

Playing daughter-mother with your son is, of course, unlikely, but our other scenarios can be fully considered.

Scenario #1. My dad is an Arabian horse

Dads, don't forget to turn up the sound! Neighing and kicking is a must, as is making sure that the baby stays firmly in the saddle.

Scenario No. 2. Dad and I are like birds

Mom may find this game dangerous, so it is better not to fly long distances in her presence. Don't forget about safety precautions! Do not throw the baby too high, watch the objects that are nearby so that there is no collision with an “iceberg” or “skyscraper”.

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Scenario #3. We are builders

What to build? House, garage, den, castle... Anything and from anything! Boxes, pillows, grandma's duvet, and maybe even mom's stiletto heels will come in handy. Destroying the brilliant creation of architects can be no less interesting than building it. Let your son enjoy the process.

Scenario No. 4. Home cinema

Of course, you won’t have to persuade your son to watch cartoons. This is the case. But try not just turning on the TV, but choosing a cartoon where you can dance and repeat some movements after the characters.

Scenario #5. Quest

You can draw a map and go in search of countless treasures: mom’s delicious borscht or grandma’s apple-filled pancakes.

Scenario No. 6. sleeping beast

If you don’t have the strength at all, play a sleeping tiger, a lion, a heffalump (decide for yourself which one you are more like). The big beast fell asleep and hugged the little one with its paws. So much so that he... fell asleep in his arms (this is in the best case scenario).

If you're less lucky, don't despair. The plot will develop as dad comes up with. For example, the son must get out of the den, but in such a way as not to wake up the big beast (a hungry cannibal).

Further, the game can develop according to the scenario “Stir up the sleeping beast.” The use of noise effects is not prohibited: rattling pots, hissing and barking, growling and slurping - anything, within the permissible decibels.

Strength games, competitions

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Boys' games are mostly noisy fussing and running around. Catch-up games, blind man's buff, hide and seek, shooting games, tug of war, arm wrestling, etc. Such active activities stimulate the boy’s physical development, develop dexterity and reaction speed.

Even without going outside, you can come up with entertainment for dad and son: harmless, non-traumatic and non-destructive for the apartment.

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Another distinctive feature of men's games is the element of comparison and competition. It is important for boys to find out who is the strongest, the most accurate, the fastest. The spirit of competition is also familiar to adult men.

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When playing with a child, a father must remember how necessary the feeling of victory is for his son. Of course, it’s not worth playing giveaway all the time, because an easy victory and, even worse, the disclosure of an obvious concession can become a reason for resentment and disappointment. Sometimes you can give in so that the baby feels the joy of being able to defeat a strong and dexterous opponent - dad.

Reading, preparing for classes

Sometimes it’s useful to work with your child, check on assignments and homework. If you can “twist ropes” out of mom, then the child will perceive dad’s serious look and stern but loving voice completely differently.

The main thing that a father who is raising his son should remember is that, first of all, he is a father, and only then a mentor, teacher, and protector.

Modeling, drawing, designing

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In addition to noisy outdoor games in the apartment, there are quieter activities. Why not get creative together? Sculpting strange animals or drawing cephalopods is very fun. Moreover, no one can depict a car or a hang glider better than dad!

Tricks and experiments

Collecting

The world of men's hobbies and entertainment is significantly different from women's. With dad you can collect stamps, “cheer” for your favorite football team, design tanks or airplanes, etc.

Joint male hobbies contribute to the child’s self-determination as a representative of the stronger half of humanity and influence the formation of his horizons. In the future, this will help in communicating with peers and will increase your authority among like-minded people (classmates, friends).

Doing housework

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Who, if not the father, will teach his son how to repair a faucet, drill and hammer nails and fix similar household problems and problems.

Dad is a superhero for his son, a role model. The boy is ready to copy everything!

A father can teach his son to clean up after himself, cook, wash socks and iron shirts. In the future, your son's chosen one will appreciate this. And in the present, the wife and mother will appreciate it.

Dear readers! Tell us what your husbands and acquaintances play with their sons. What do you think is important in a father-son relationship? How a father’s example can influence the future fate of a boy, teenager, or adult man.

Does mom know what to do with her children? “Yes, of course, it’s in her blood!” - many will answer. However, I have to disappoint you that this is not at all the case. Yes, we, mothers, are inventive and creative people, but you must agree that we don’t always know what to do with our child, whom we see 24/7. What should dad do with his children?

What can we say about dad, whose morning, as a rule, boils down to “good morning, thanks for breakfast, bye,” and the evening, as it happens, sometimes with his family, sometimes at work. How many hours a week does your husband spend actively with the family? I don’t think there will be even 40 (well, count and write in the comments, just for fun :)).

Let's start with the fact that you can go for a walk with your child. If you need a list of specific places, you can read my articles:

But what to do if you didn’t specifically plan to go anywhere, dad is not interested in playing with the children and he just sits on his phone watching games/news/your option? Surely this irritates you wildly?! And I want dad to communicate with the children, spend time TOGETHER, and not just in the same room.

Board games.

Twister game.
Read books.
Inventing and putting together something from Legos.
Build an airport from wooden blocks, castles, highways.
Play Jenga.
Play checkers/chess/dominoes/(cards? :)).
Sing karaoke.
Dancing and freaking out with dad is always more fun than with mom.
Draw on a large piece of paper (whatman paper/roll of old wallpaper/attach several A4 sheets with tape).
Make a puppet theater, shadow theater.
Bath the child (splash, inflate balloons with water, make foam, launch boats, etc.).
Compete with radio-controlled toys.
Play knights (for boys).
Prepare something delicious for mom and surprise her.
Do exercises on the horizontal bar, wall bars, push-ups, squats, exercises, etc.
Dad can be a horse, a slide, an attraction :)
Arrange to watch cartoons/movies/educational videos together.
Do experiments - chemical, physical.
Washable marker - dad is lying down, the child draws on dad.
Making something.
Apply stickers.
Collect puzzles.

Well, or you can ask dad to bring children to evening sections:

dancing
martial arts
drawing
language clubs
gymnastics

Or together:

go swimming
roller skating (or skating)
ride a bike
sledding
kayaking
ski
ride scooters
go shopping
learn financial literacy
go to the theater
feed pigeons, ducks, seagulls
go to the forest to pick mushrooms
go fishing

This will also be communication and child care. And their own ritual - individual time for just dad and baby!

In any case, dear girls, remember that yes, until a certain age of the child, dad may not be interested in spending time with him at all, and he may tell you “I don’t know what to do with him, I can’t play his games with him.” , and tell tales about kolobok, etc.” but as soon as the child grows up and is able to have conversations with dad, the picture will definitely change!

As an option for yourself, in order to “not see this horror” - leave the house: meetings with friends, manicure, cosmetologist - fill up! And then, after you return home full, put the child to bed (and maybe your husband will do this), you can fill your other half too 😉

P.S. Learn more about conscious parenting from my book ““, where I talk about the period in a woman’s life from planning a pregnancy to the moment when the child goes to school. You can reserve a printed version of the book by filling out the form below :)