My husband doesn't want to return to him. My husband left and doesn't want to communicate

If a divorce occurs in a family, this does not mean the end of the relationship. Very often, husbands who leave their wives for their mistresses return home after a while and confess. Why does this happen, and how should wives of abusive husbands behave?

Why do husbands leave?

Experience knows many cases when a husband leaves the family, but then returns, and the couple continues to live happily ever after. Women are much more tolerant than men and are able to forgive a lot. In the life of almost every woman there has been a betrayal of a loved one and subsequent forgiveness. Men are designed in such a way that cheating is a common thing for them, a physiological process that means nothing. Most often, a husband cheats on his wife because this corresponds to the status of a male, because it is interesting. There are often cases when betrayal occurs under the influence of alcohol. Unlike women, who painfully experience their own betrayal, men do not attach much importance to their adventures. Even if they are guilty, there will be no long-term worries, and after the wife’s forgiveness is received, the betrayal will most likely happen again. And this situation is the norm for many men. They can cheat 5 times and be forgiven the same number of times, since for their wives the main thing is spiritual fidelity.

But if the husband packed his things and left, this does not indicate just physiological sex or sports interest. A family man, accustomed to the comfort of home, ironed shirts and delicious dinners, is unlikely to leave his family for the sake of a passing hobby. He is more likely to quietly meet with his mistress, but will not sacrifice his own comfort. Men leave for other women for the following reasons:

Love. Such cases happen when first love meets. Old feelings flare up with new strength, and this relationship ends with the husband wanting to leave the family. Men also fall in love with other women during a midlife crisis. The desire to feel younger pushes older husbands into the arms of young girls.
Cheating wife. Men forgive female infidelity very rarely. This is a blow to their male pride, which not everyone can survive.
Problems of a psychological nature. A man wants to leave home, where there is an unfavorable emotional atmosphere, where there are constant omissions, quarrels, where he is not understood. Often in married couple There are problems due to differences in life views, issues of religion and raising children.
Financial and household problems. Problems can also arise due to lack of money. If a wife reproaches her husband for his financial insolvency and nags him about this, sooner or later he will leave his wife.
Problems in intimate life. A man's sexual life lasts quite a few years, right up to old age. And even after a year of family life, husbands need full intimacy. Women, while busy with everyday life and children, stop paying due attention to their spouses.
Wife's appearance. IN family life husbands see their wives unkempt and unkempt, dressed in a completely unfeminine way. And at work, on the contrary, every day they see beautiful female colleagues in fashionable outfits, fragrant with perfume. Comparing, men every day stop looking at their wives as women. Hence - problems in sexual life, irritability, dissatisfaction with each other.

Where do husbands go?

Families do not always break up because of other women. And not every man, having gained freedom, strives to lose it again. If the husband left the family for his mistress, he will go to her. If the reasons for the breakup are different, then the man’s temporary refuge can be:

parental home;
rental apartment;
friend's house;
cottage or garage;
office;
car.

In extreme cases, the spouse quits his job and moves to another city. If he does not find a permanent place of residence, you can be sure: having been pushed around, he will definitely return.

How long will it take for my husband to return home?

As already mentioned, if a husband leaves the family, this does not necessarily mean forever. Some time will pass and he may return. It all depends on some circumstances:

the reason why the husband left the family;
How will your relationship develop after the breakup?
What will you do to get him back?

If the husband left for his mistress, then, as practice shows, he will leave her. When the candy-bouquet period ends. It lasts on average 3-4 months. If you analyze why your husband left for someone else, you can identify the following reasons:

the mistress is more attractive than you, more well-groomed;
she has a lot of free time, so she can devote it only to your husband;
she is not burdened with worries;
she does not burden her husband with everyday problems, does not nag him;
he is experienced in sex.

In three or four months, the scales will fall from your husband’s eyes, and he will see that his mistress is an ordinary woman, just like you and hundreds of other women. She may also walk around unkempt and come home from work tired. She will ask her husband to hammer a nail, take out the trash. He will understand that he has not acquired anything new and therefore will return to his old life, that is, to you.

Why do husbands come back?

When your husband announced that he was leaving forever, it seemed to you that this was the end of the family, the end of the relationship. But statistics show that unfaithful husbands return in most cases. And this happens due to the following factors:

Habit. Men themselves don’t notice how they get used to certain things, little things. And only life with another woman reveals these little things. He notices that his mistress does not cook as well as his wife, likes the wrong films and programs, listens to different music. And he comes back because he is unable to change his habits.
Change of world view. If the husband left for someone else or simply left home, this probably happened in the heat of emotion. After time will pass, the man realizes the value of family, his mistakes and will return.
Reconciliation. After the husband leaves home, communication with his wife and children still continues. And over time, all the anger and resentment disappears.

How to cope with your husband's departure

If the husband left and does not want to return, it will be unpleasant, painful and offensive for any woman. The moment he said he was leaving, it seemed like betrayal and betrayal. The first thought that comes to the wife’s mind is, of course, a mistress. But, as already mentioned, the husband does not always leave for another woman.

The breakup period for a woman lasts in several stages:

Suffering– why did your husband leave? What is my fault? How to live further? During this period, a lot of stupid things are done in the heat of the moment, which both spouses later regret.
Pride. Having cooled down a little, women think: so what if the husband left and didn’t call. So what if he's gone forever. I will live without him, but he will disappear.
Again suffering. And pity for myself, for my husband. The woman is already ready to forgive everything in the world, if only he would return.

During these periods, a woman can do a lot of stupid things that she needs to beware of. Under no circumstances should you shed tears, beg, arrange a showdown with your mistress, or blackmail with children. The main thing is to give time for mental sobriety to return, and after that you can already think about what to do.

How to return your husband to your family

If the reason for the breakdown of your relationship was not your mistress, then how soon he will return depends only on you. You need to wait a few weeks, let both cool down and think, and then take action. If his departure was scandalous, you definitely need to talk and apologize. Surely, he will also apologize, realizing his mistakes.

You need to analyze well and understand what exactly is to blame. If a husband leaves the family, this indicates that something does not suit him. This means that not everything was smooth in the family. After a little time has passed, you need to meet and talk openly. If you cannot resolve the issue without scandals, communicate via letters or SMS messages. Find out what exactly your husband doesn’t like about you, understand why exactly you behave this way. Under no circumstances should you mutually reproach him or blame him. Agree, promise to improve and be just as honest about your complaints.

The next step is correction. It is not enough to promise, you need to take action. Start changing. Your husband will return if he sees you as a beloved and desirable woman.

take care of your appearance, you should always be well-groomed and attractive;
be calm and restrained, do not allow yourself to turn into a hysteric;
be more relaxed in bed so that he doesn’t even think about other women;
be gentle, affectionate and calm.

Today it is not difficult to work on yourself. You can turn to a psychologist for help, attend special trainings, watch motivational films, and read relevant literature. It all depends on your desire to return your husband.

If you know that your husband has left for his mistress, you need to be cunning. If she somehow attracted your spouse, it means you need to become even better. Moreover, you have a great advantage: you are his wife, which means you can call him at any time and ask him for anything.

Act kindly and openly, use any excuse to invite him home. After all, he can visit the children.
When your husband comes home, cook his favorite dish, as if by chance, put on his favorite movie. When he comes to you, he should see a pleasant and familiar environment.
And don't forget about yourself. You must be attractive, friendly, cheerful and caring.
When you feel that he is already wholeheartedly with you, in the family, seduce him. There is no need to be shy or feel awkward, because this is your husband. It is his mistress who should feel shame, because because of her he left you.

After a certain time he will understand that it is his native home, you are his wife, and his beloved children are nearby.

In some situations, the husband leaves home just to teach his wife a lesson, to show her what she can lose. In any case, it is important to recognize mistakes in time, apologize to each other and forgive. After all, a moment may come when reconciliation will be impossible.

Hello,
Almost a month ago my husband left me, leaving me with my 8-month-old daughter.

My husband and I loved each other, we always walked together, supported and believed in better life. After giving birth, I became tired and irritable. Then financial difficulties began, I began to “nag” him with debts, reminding him of the loans that weigh on me, every time they say he was furious. I started working a lot, seven days a week, and I really wanted his attention, so that he could spend time with us.

Resentments and quarrels began, and he decided to leave me and live separately, and they quarreled a couple more times. He said that he was tired of me, had grown cold and didn’t want to come back. I don’t know what to do, I love him, we’ve been together for 7 years, I can’t live without him, how can I get him back?

I wrote to him that I was ready to change for his sake, for the sake of our daughter, to save the family, but he said: it’s a done deal. He already left three years ago, but returned, and now he says that he does not want to step on the same rake a second time. He doesn’t give me any chance, my heart breaks with pain, he is my life. He writes every day, calls, asks how his daughter is, every other day he comes to see her, but I can’t calmly see him, we talk about the child or his work, and then only when I ask.

He doesn’t ask anything about me, just how my health is and that’s it. I so want to return everything, save our family and the love that still lives in his heart. I don’t know how to behave with him, what to talk about. He wants to leave peacefully, but I can’t.......
There was another conversation, yesterday he told me that he never loved me, he doesn’t know what love is, I’m not his type of woman, living with me all these years, but he didn’t consider me his destiny. A year ago, he realized that he didn’t love me at all, he didn’t dare say because of my situation, he wanted a child from me.

I don’t understand how it’s possible to live with a person for so many years and not feel anything, BUT I didn’t feel cold, on the contrary, just warmth. I don’t understand anything, no one has ever told me that before. He said that he won’t give up and will always help me, but he doesn’t want to come back, he doesn’t even miss me....
And no matter what, I continue to love and hope for the best.

Support the site:

Svetlana, age: 30 / 10/02/2015

Responses:

Hello Svetlana!
Try, however, to distance yourself from the situation and try to look differently.
The first point is that a man’s actions speak more than his words. In my opinion, he clearly cares about you and your daughter, but, unfortunately, he clearly speaks about his desire to leave and acts accordingly.
Evaluate his behavior soberly; for this it is better not to communicate for at least a week. It may be more useful for your relative or friend to meet the child. And most importantly, go to church, pray for your family, ask for God’s guidance.

Nata, age: 29 / 10/02/2015

Dear Svetlana, first of all you should calm down, after all, you have a small baby in your arms, and if you are breastfeeding her...
You are the only adult left in the family. Don’t reproach or blame yourself, whether you’re tired or whatever. You Small child, so it makes sense that you don’t get enough sleep and are tired. Your husband is not tired of you, he is simply not ripe for a family, it seems to me. He seemed to think that a family is a sex cupcake, but here the child is crying, the family needs to be fed, the loans need to be paid. And your husband didn’t come up with anything smarter than to blame the sick head on the healthy one: it’s not he, it turns out, who can’t pull it off, but you’re somehow not like that. It’s somehow easier to get away from a bad one, and people will judge you less. Svetlana, don’t take on someone else’s guilt. Yes, maybe you looked at it wrong somewhere, or said something wrong, BUT we are all human and no one is perfect. And yet, they rarely go anywhere, most likely, your husband has another woman... Of course, this step was not easy for him either, so there is a chance that he will put you on the “swing”. Don’t give in, you have a small child, you don’t need these adventures. As for helping, it’s hardly worth hoping for that much. He has already shown what he is capable of, that he is a so-so support... it makes sense to think about alimony, no matter how he feels about it. Right now you and your daughter are the priority. Good luck to you.

O., age: 29 / 10/02/2015

Svetlana! To better understand what he wants, you need to let go. And only then does everything fall into place.
There is no great tragedy in life that he does not miss you. He doesn't get bored, he doesn't get bored. Someone else will get bored.
Unfortunately, they betray you in the wrong way, they leave, they abandon you - it’s an everyday thing. You are not alone in this, and all over the globe there are at least a million people in this situation.
Learn to smile at life under any circumstances. Life goes on, so keep living. Do things that interest you, communicate with people, and don’t focus on this problem. If he leaves you with a small child... then what questions do you have? Since even this doesn’t stop him, it means he is a selfish person, or a person with his own plans for life. You are suffering in vain. He will not appreciate your suffering and will not regret you. You're only making things worse for yourself.

Alla, age: 37 / 10/02/2015

Svetlana, I really sympathize with you. About a year ago I found myself in similar situation. Only my daughter was 6 months old. Before that, he also left and returned, and then left again... But after the second time, I didn’t even try to get him back, because I understood that that’s ALL. That’s it, for me, first of all, because this is no longer a family, this is some kind of daisy, I will come/I won’t come.
Accept what is happening with an open heart, cry out the pain. It is a great gift for you to live through this situation in order to learn some very important lessons for your soul.
I believe that you will succeed!

Wiwi, age: 30 / 10/03/2015

Svetlana, I also want to support you! Pull yourself together and think about the child. You mean the whole world to her, and you have something to live for! I agree with the author O., age 29 years. I myself am already 31 years old and my husband left me when my son was one year old, for a banal reason - he could not stand life with a child. He blamed me for everything, saying that before giving birth you were so good, but after giving birth you became hysterical! I don't need such a wife. How can you not become “hysterical” when the husband lives for his own pleasure and doesn’t care about his family.... At one time I once said, they say, how is it that husbands leave their wives immediately after the birth of a child? It's such a blessing to be a husband and father! Yeah... And then I was ashamed to even go outside with a stroller, saying that I’m going to walk with a stroller like a l#h? Often neighbors or complete strangers (schoolchildren/students) helped carry the stroller out of the entrance, since my husband believed that helping me with the stroller in the entrance was not his responsibility. It’s better to sit by the computer with a beer and “not embarrass yourself with the stroller.”

And you know? After 2 years, I realized that I felt even better without my husband. Less worries, honestly. Mine, on top of everything else, turned out to be a mama’s boy. Sometimes he talks about how badly his mother and sister treat me. And then he says that not everything is smooth in their families with their husbands, but that’s okay - they live and don’t get divorced. It makes me sick. It's like he's accusing me of something. He still doesn't care about his son. Neither the paternal grandparents care about our child. And to hell with them, God is the judge of them all...

And you hold on! Time will pass and everything will be fine. The older the child gets, the more worries there are. And more joy. And with worries and joy for the child, there will be no time to grieve. You will meet a real man on your way!!! May God give you great female happiness!!!

Asel, age: 31 / 10/19/2015

Svetlana, it’s terrible when a person whom you hoped for, loved, and were happy with for so long leaves your family! Moreover, when you consciously gave birth to a daughter, you can’t wrap your head around it!
Everything you wrote about your situation is exactly what is happening to me! It's only been 3 months since he left! While he lives with his parents, he takes care of us, what to buy, go for a walk, take us - bring us! But this is not all that! The child doesn’t see him, we are already 1.4... That’s why every day I either love or hate him! Either you want to be soft, then you want to send!
But I noticed that when you communicate positively with him, he is ready to do anything. Therefore, I advise you, if you want to improve your relationship, still step over the stage of resentment, and live joyfully, at least for him - everything is fine with you!!! And as the child grows up, it will be easier for you to find topics for conversation, I go through all this! It’s not all clear yet, because it’s not easy for him either - turn around! If then you returned to one, and then there are already 2 of you!!! They are also the ones running away from problems, waiting for things to become more interesting with the child, while nurturing is not interesting to them, and they know that we will wait for them, because we are connected for now! Because it is either given to a man or not! Ours can’t do it! Over time, you will feel better, he will spend more time with you! And then you will have to decide whether you can forgive such an act as support during such a difficult period! But I hope everything will be fine with us, we have children!

Sweetlev, age: 28 / 10/25/2015

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After all, despite its thousand-year history, man, as he was, remains, in his biological essence, a predator. Well, killing is completely natural for a predator. The husband left and does not want to return. 40-year-old Vitaly left the family a year ago, but supported him all this time. friendly relations with my wife. She brought him to see a psychologist. He made excuses that his mistress, of course, is better... but his wife is his own, like a sister or mother, and that he cannot erase her from his life. And most importantly: he is so used to her food and evening tea with lemon! The unlucky husband resembled “Pavlov’s dog”, which is connected with its owner only by instincts. In such situations, most often, wives do not give up and strive with all their might for further growth and self-development.

You can't stop looking after yourself. Otherwise, the woman will lose self-respect, and this is fraught with certain negative consequences. In most cases, shopping acts on the fair sex as effective psychotherapy.

We must remember that the other woman to whom the husband left is no better, she just got in his way. You need to make an effort to cope with the situation and survive the mental turmoil.
Feeling your own irresistibility will give you self-confidence and dispel fears and doubts. Hobbies What activity can give a person moral satisfaction and help him survive a personal tragedy? This includes individual hobbies.
If a business brings tremendous joy, regardless of the amount of material income, then it is truly useful.

The husband left the family and does not want to return.

Regardless of whether he returns to you or not, you need to continue to live, especially if you have children together. Psychologists advise a woman to take care of herself, her appearance and self-improvement.

Visit a beauty salon, change your image, hairstyle, clothing style. Find a new passion or hobby. Go on a trip, learn to draw, or, ultimately, go on a diet if you have long wanted to lose weight. excess weight.

Attention

Now you have a great opportunity to spend time for yourself and your children. Become more attractive and sexy than ever, and you will see how men turn around to look after you.

Info

At the same time, it is quite possible that after some time, the ex-spouse will begin to notice shortcomings in the new passion, and suddenly, he will notice you surrounded by other admirers. Surely the owner will awaken in him, and the desire to return to a woman attractive in all respects.

Unfortunately, for many women the question of how to survive the departure of a husband for another is incredibly relevant. If the husband left for his mistress, it means that something really didn’t suit him. The psychology of the stronger sex is such that a man never goes anywhere. First of all, emotional contact is lost, and uncertainty appears in the feelings of the partner. As a rule, some time after the breakup, a decision is made to leave. He simply can no longer listen to the same reproaches or experience repeated situations.
Self-esteem Unfortunately, many women forget about this basic concept. They devote themselves entirely to the man, so that later they have to pay for the husband to leave for his mistress. The fact is that men cannot stand it when people try to control them.

Why do men leave and come back?

Psychologist's advice for women on how to get a man back

PILLS for stupidity or something about life, love, and a little simple chatter
How to understand that your ex wants to return and help him with this
My husband doesn't want to let go and doesn't want to come back
Why does a man leave a woman and... come back?
What if he left? Part 1: Why do men leave?
Life stories: Men leave and return
My husband left and now he wants to come back
My husband left and doesn't want to come back
Forum of Knowledge about Life
How to get your loved one back
How to bring your husband home

Why do men leave women? Advice from a psychologist for women on how to get a man back Give a signal that what he left (scandals, for example) will never happen again, and especially this negative thing no longer exists! (You can say: “I will never again...”).

Forum of Knowledge about Life The purpose of this site is to unite professional psychologists, enthusiasts from various religions and spiritual practices in order to help people who find themselves in difficult situations. We, all together, will collect here the most understandable and necessary knowledge for life from all areas of psychology, spiritual texts and teachings.

Attention: Our forum is moving to Raminform forums. We ask everyone How to get your loved one back And even if you find coincidences between your behavior and the reasons why your husband leaves home, this is not a reason to be upset. I’ll even say the opposite: the fact that you identified these mistakes is already your victory.

This is a step towards restoring the relationship. To fix something, you first need to know the location of the breakdown. So, if you don’t know how to find mutual language, then the result will be endless scandals and squabbles.

How to bring your husband home Relationships in families develop differently.

My husband left. how to return it and is it worth it?

And rightly, sincerely, he said that you crushed the man in him. You have become this man. Olga, this is only yours: fortitude, the desire to change something.

How? 1. Exhale deeply, accept the situation as such, as it is. Stay in it with feelings, not thoughts, running around (it’s necessary, it’s difficult, I don’t have time). What do you feel: weakness or strength? A feeling of pride, “I’m great, I can do it, I can handle it,” or fear, powerlessness, panic? What feelings still overcome you? Write down these feelings. And from this the further direction of your actions will be clear. After all, in fact, you yourself kicked out your husband for a long time, and, perhaps, without understanding this (because it is accepted that a family should be complete when a woman lives on her own - this is “ah-ah-tea”), you long ago made the decision to raise yourself daughter and become a superwoman. And that's okay.

Is it possible to return a husband to the family if he does not want to communicate?

But each time it was a reason to again, in a new way, reveal love in oneself: not attachment, claims, resentments. But just love. Each of us let go of the past - and we met again to walk together again.

But in order to take a step forward, you need to reveal love without holding a grudge, without feeling sorry for yourself, without blaming each other. And to do this you need to accept what happened and move on. Of course, it is not easy to accept something in which we see no meaning if its departure ends our desires and hopes. Life stories: Men leave and return which are connected with the owner only by instincts. In such situations, most often, wives do not give up and strive with all their might for further growth and self-development. Therefore, they will think 100 times: am I ready to take this property back? At first, husbands who have left for their mistresses are held back by passion. And then an irrepressible longing for their former home awakens in them.

My husband left and doesn't want to come home

And when he comes, give it to him, that is, stop doing what you were doing before the breakup. But, if a man or guy has left for another, then you need to wait.

Wait and change yourself. To change, you cannot first change your behavior, you need to change your attitude and learn to manage your feelings, and a psychologist should help you with this in a psychological consultation. PILLS for stupidity or something about life, about love, and a little simple chatter It’s you who can’t find a place for yourself, thinking: “Maybe I’m not beautiful enough. My figure is probably not that good anymore, I need to go to the gym. Skirt, I haven't worn a skirt for a long time! No, I guess I’ve forgotten how to cook.” And so from morning to evening you blow your mind with questions to yourself. And what happens is that you’re just a nightmare, that you can’t go anywhere with you, you’re stupid, ugly and fat, you don’t know how to cook and in general everything is bad.
Then financial problems began due to his fault, and I did not miss the opportunity to rub his nose in him. She herself became ill and was hospitalized several times over the course of a year. ...he was smart, he looked after me and I am very grateful to him for that. But the situation did not improve, but worsened more and more... he began to go on business trips, came home at night, in the morning, or did not come at all, saying that he had a drink with friends and stayed at work. I argued with him, but then we made up. In the end, we moved away from each other.

After another stupid quarrel, he left and took his things. I have a few things left, mostly winter ones. And nothing more.

We haven't seen each other for almost two months now. We rarely communicate, and that’s only if I call him or write to him on Viber. I told him that I love him and I really need him, and asked him to come home. He said that he didn’t want to come back and wasn’t attracted to me. Lives in an apartment, I am at home with the children. Helps with money.

Question for a psychologist:

Hello, my husband and I have lived together for 6 years, he is 7 years younger than me, and now he is 27, and I will soon be 34, we have a 3-year-old daughter. A year before leaving, we constantly quarreled and argued about literally everything. I was freaking out while on maternity leave - household chores, care and worry about a child who was often sick, boredom, routine and a husband who came home not to me, but to the sofa and TV. She kicked him out herself, but naturally with the subtext “change your behavior.” As a result, 4 months ago he left, on his own initiative, saying that I was so melting, bad in every way and that I had crushed the guy in him. To which I answered him that he crushed the woman in me and I was just a horse who carried everything on himself, solving all the issues, he didn’t delve into anything. Then it turned out that he got himself a woman, however, they hung out for 1-2 months and ran away, now a free guy hangs around everywhere. And I have a lot of complaints and grievances towards him, but mostly regarding the child. He doesn’t want to see her or look at her (although in words he’s a super dad), she reaches out to him, and at the same time he’s texting on his phone and stuff like that. I tried to explain that the child should not suffer and feel the father’s love, in general, I put pressure on the father’s conscience, he seemed to agree, and then he hammered again. He left us, I was unemployed, I searched for a long time for a schedule that would allow me to pick up the child, he only paid child support, didn’t ask how we were and what, he paid for registration every other time, even though he knew that I didn’t work. I called him home 3 times, I thought maybe he would lose his temper, he said that once he left, it was forever. He personally told me that he would never help in any way, although after we separated (I may be out of guilt), I tried to support him and help him change his job (they don’t extend contact with him). I feed him somewhere, but he treats me like an annoying fly. I don’t understand anything anymore, I feel sorry for the child, I feel sorry for myself and him too. There is a deep lack of understanding of how you can leave and forget about everything. Our relationship started with Great love Everyone was really jealous and I don’t understand how we got to this point. I still have feelings for him and a lot of resentment, which doesn’t help. During this time I have lost weight, become more beautiful, I want a strong shoulder, but disappointment in men directly kills the desire to communicate with them, and low self-esteem. I really believed and trusted him. I wanted to improve the relationship, but after constant refusals to help with the child (for example: we agreed that he would pick her up from kindergarten, because I don’t have time at work, I think at least some kind of help, I took 2 weeks, and then said, more precisely, before He established as a fact that he would soon go to his brother’s house to help build a house, I said how to pick up the child, and he asked for time off at work, and I have a job with a private owner, they can kick me out and that’s all and how to feed myself, the next day he said that he would not go and reproach started, supposedly I didn’t let him go), I was already so angry that I called and said that he would go wherever he wants and when he wants, that if he can’t help, then there’s no need, that he just wouldn’t come at all, otherwise I’ll say, that he died. Of course, I overdid it, I’m just already in such despair that my job is not stable and I don’t really have any help, and I’m also always to blame for everything. I’m so tired, I don’t know how to live, I’m really overcome with despair. Of course, I myself am largely to blame, when I get angry, I say anything, but is it really impossible to help while the child is small and the work is like this. Despite the fact that the child was born long-awaited. At least he had a good day. What to do in such a situation? It already seems to me that I’m somehow different, if only I had finances, it would be like consultations. There’s probably something wrong with me, I wanted one family for the rest of my life and that’s how it all turned out.

Psychologist Marina Georgievna Ladatko answers the question.

Good day, Olga. I apologize for not answering for a long time.

In fact, you are wonderful) I can assume from the letter that you are very temperamental and honest - frank. This is your beauty in a good sense - the person next to you will never receive a “knife in the back”, and you will be free from bad thoughts about the person - you do not carry them with you (expressed them and freed yourself). Accordingly, there is less ground for back pain. And the second side of your honesty is that it touches another person’s heartstrings. To be offended or not, to change or not, this is another person’s decision. And it’s hard for that other person to accept your truth, it’s hard to change, it’s hard to withstand criticism.

Olga, you are a strong woman, you cope with everything (even though it’s not hard, you can handle it!). Therefore, your husband has no space to express himself. He feels that next to you he goes out. And rightly, sincerely, he said that you crushed the man in him. You have become this man. Olga, this is only yours: fortitude, the desire to change something. How?

1. Exhale deeply, accept the situation as such, as it is. Stay in it with feelings, not thoughts, running around (it’s necessary, it’s difficult, I don’t have time). What do you feel: weakness or strength? A feeling of pride: “I’m great - I can do it, I can handle it” or fear, powerlessness, panic? What feelings still overcome you? Write down these feelings. And from this the further direction of your actions will be clear.

After all, in fact, you yourself kicked out your husband for a long time, and, perhaps, without understanding this (because it is accepted that the family should be complete when a woman lives on her own - this is “ah-ah-tea”), you long ago made the decision to raise yourself daughter and become a superwoman. And that's okay. If this is natural for you, more comfortable than with your husband, whom you are attracted to, with whom you quarrel, then simply accept yourself and your life as such.

If you want to live “like everyone else, as a complete family,” and even with this person, you will have to work, become wiser and learn to trust yourself, life and men.

2. If you have decided to live as a complete family: write a letter of forgiveness to your husband (it is not necessary to send or convey, the main thing is to write down your feelings). Write with feelings, write everything that is on your soul. At the end of the letter, remember and write words of gratitude to this person (for 6 years, in addition to the negativity, there was something pleasant, and the husband’s departure itself is also the start of some changes).

3. Learn to trust the world (and there is different people, means learning to trust both women and men competently: believe in their good qualities, intentions and let go of situations when a person does not live up to your expectations).

4. Olga, work on your self-esteem and confidence: you’ve lost weight, you’ve gotten prettier - great! What about the internal content? How has it changed, is it changing every day? Praise yourself for every step you take in life: plan, live in pleasure (this is in communication with your daughter, and in household chores, and in hobbies, and in work - have time to track and get drunk).

5. Olga, know that the child will feel good when the mother is calm, strong and confident. This builds the child's confidence. Yes, you need a father, but suffering and feelings of guilt that he is not with you will not make the child feel any better. Understand that your relationship with your husband is yours, but your daughter and dad have their own. She will accept him as he is. The main thing is that she understands that he exists and loves her (believe me, he loves her! It’s hard for a man to come to his daughter when he realizes that he lives separately, it’s hard for him to see her and understand that he left her). Give your husband time for this (3 months, a year - it’s different for everyone). When talking with him, praise him for the smallest and greatest deeds, achievements, avoid judgment and criticism, say that your daughter loves him and is waiting for him, regardless of your relationship with him.

Olga, strength and wisdom to you. Everything will work out the way you want. How do you want it?

Sincerely, your psychologist - Marina Georgievna Ladatko.

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