Don't become intrusive. Obsession is energy vampirism

Every time we enter into a new relationship, we make the same mistakes. Is it any wonder that then everything happens according to the same scenario? One of the most common mistakes is violating the advice “Keep your distance in relationships.” How does this happen and what are the consequences?

Oh, this all-powerful myth about two halves of one whole! It gives birth in our minds to the idea of harmony as a complete merger - after all, the halves form one whole. This means that everything should be common: views, hobbies, walks, friends, money, life goals... All this, of course, is good, but is it achievable? At the initial stage of a relationship, during the period of falling in love, distance between partners is very rare; on the contrary, they strive to reduce it to zero. And then, after a few years, they conquer every centimeter of personal space, because we need it! But first things first.

Distance and period of character grinding

One of the reasons for the crisis of character adjustment (and divorces after the first year of marriage) is an increase in distance. Remember how in the poem from the movie “The Irony of Fate”: “How painful, dear, how strange/ Bonding in the ground, intertwined with branches -/ How painful, dear, how strange/ To split in two under the saw!” And indeed, we often hear complaints in the following form: “He (she) is moving away from me!” This means that one of the partners is trying to increase the distance. There is nothing wrong with this - except for those cases when the attraction disappears altogether and each family member “enters his own orbit.” And if they move away from you not in order to mind their own business and live their own lives, then you simply have different ideas about the proper level of intimacy and closeness in a relationship. You likely seem clingy and need to calm things down a bit.

Why do we strive to dissolve in each other?

Where does it come from, this desire to become one? The further the relationship goes, the more secrets and secrets we learn about each other, hanging them on our love and depriving it of lightness and carefreeness. We open up to each other with joy, seeing love and acceptance: look, what (what) I am, will you love me? We need someone's love in order to put up with our own imperfections - it turns out that everything is not so bad if they love me... In general, we need rapprochement, and we achieve it.

Those who know first-hand love addiction actually get sick at the slightest increase in distance in a relationship. As Erich Fromm, a great expert on the feeling of love, wrote: “Often, selfless obsession with each other is not at all proof Great love, but only a measure of the loneliness that preceded the meeting.” So an increase in distance causes in such people a proportional increase in the fear of loss. The circle closes.

To prevent our partner from going too far, we use control. It seems to us that relationships can be “preserved” at the point of highest intensity, hiding together in love, like in a common cage. For some time, you can really live like this (by the way, in such couples, communication with relatives and friends gradually disappears to almost nothing. The two of them are fine). But one of the couple will still want to come out and get some air. Read: increase distance in relationships.

What to do to avoid being intrusive? 10 practical tips

As the poet-sage J.H. Gibran wrote, “Love one another, but do not turn love into chains.” How to achieve this?

Hello, dear readers! The eternal question of the struggle between a man and a woman is who should take the initiative and call first. Today I want to talk about whether it is necessary to remind a man about himself, how to do it competently and not become another obsessive fan. In addition, we will talk to you about why guys don’t dial the number themselves and take the initiative.

Why doesn't the man call first?

John Gray's book Men are from Mars, women are from Venus"made a splash in the psychology of relationships. Explain in simple and understandable language why we so often do not understand each other and why we have conflicts. If you want to become a real relationship guru, then you cannot do without this book.

Now let's try to understand what prevents the feather guy from calling and reminding him of himself. The first and quite common reason is that he simply is not interested in you. Yes, it’s hard, offensive and painful to realize this. But it happens that you simply didn’t like the girl. And since he doesn’t know how to say it casually, he just . In this case, reminders about yourself will be extremely inappropriate.

Another option is that he liked you too much and now he’s selling himself out. Like, let her run after me and be afraid of losing me. Whether it’s worth connecting your life with such a gentleman is up to you to decide. But a man who cannot sincerely and directly say about his sympathy is no longer trustworthy.

He has a girlfriend, and your meeting was just a passing hobby. In this case, there is nothing to even think about and there is no need to remind yourself in any way. Even if you are thinking of writing him an angry SMS, expressing all your resentment, believe me, it is not worth it.

How to get him interested

But you can remind yourself beautifully and correctly. How? The most ancient way is to send him an SMS that was supposedly intended for someone else. First, think carefully about what to write. Secondly, this method can only be used once. If you constantly send him such “erroneous” SMS, then the reception will not work.

Use social media. Post your photos from various meetings where you are surrounded by young people, happy, contented, with sparkling eyes and a charming smile. No such photos? Go for a walk with a friend and ask her to take some photos. He needs to see that your life is going on as usual, that you are not sitting at home waiting for his calls. This is a very powerful incentive for guys.

Don't answer his call one time. Or don't respond to the message for a while. And then just say you were busy. In the article “How to make your husband jealous” you can find a huge number of similar techniques that will allow you.

Remember, there is no point in imposing yourself on a man. If he doesn’t call first, doesn’t write or doesn’t show initiative, then most likely you won’t have any relationship with him. A guy who really likes you will definitely find time to talk to you and invite you on the next date.

If you cannot sit still and constantly reach for the telephone receiver to dial the treasured number, then I have one simple solution for you: set yourself a task - no more than one call every two/three days. And don’t call more often, no matter how much you want to. Have patience, love and appreciate yourself. And then there will definitely be a suitor with whom you will not have to resort to such techniques in order to win his attention.

If you feel like you can’t cope or can’t find answers to some very important questions for you and are afraid that they will torment you for too long, sign up for a Skype consultation with me.

What do you think men fear most in serious relationships? Why, after a great date, does the gentleman disappear and not make himself known? Do you have any special tricks to get a guy interested?

It’s not for nothing that they say that in order to hold, you need to let go.

Often women make the same fatal mistake in relationships. As soon as they get more or less worthy man, in the very first weeks of their acquaintance they share their secrets with him. Both young ladies and married ladies are guilty of this. And the worst crime is female obsession and constant demands. A man constantly hears something like the following message from an obsessive girl: “You must do what I want.”

Naturally, when two people live together for several years, they become close. It is not difficult for them to do something good for each other, but they come to this through thorny years of long life together. And even such intimacy is achieved only if the woman is cunning enough. Possessing a certain measure of feminine wisdom, she does not transform these relationships into family relationships, in which the spouse usually begins to be perceived as a sister or a caring mother.

Women's availability: the scourge of relationships

Men are creatures who are intimidated by the excessive assertiveness of women. But often a woman spoils relationships with her own hands. It often happens that two people spend the night together, and gradually the girl begins to slowly move her little things into his house - slippers, shampoos. But who asked her about this? With this line of behavior she only once again emphasizes her availability.

The vast majority of men simply cannot stand women’s attempts to control them:

they are annoyed by the question “What are you thinking about?”, since in fact, at any given moment in time they can think about anything;
the question “Who called?” - from the same category. After all, a call can come from anyone, and if necessary, the man will definitely inform the girl about it;
and the leader of annoying questions - “Do you love me?” According to most men, confessing your feelings every minute is not a sign of true love.

One day, one girl got a tattoo on her arm depicting her boyfriend’s initials. To this he told her directly that he considered this complete nonsense. Their relationship, as expected, was short-lived. And after some time she had to write these letters. However, who can say for sure that in the next relationship she will not repeat such stupidity?

Why does a man need freedom?

The problem of female obsession is very common. Each partner needs a different amount of communication, but women tend to be more intrusive. Beautiful ladies do not realize that a man often needs to be alone not only to outline and “take a break” from a woman. This is also necessary in order to dream about her again in her absence. After all, it is precisely in such moments that the opportunity arises to experience the most powerful experiences of love and affection. If a man feels the need for separation, then it will only serve to strengthen the relationship.

And this desire in no way indicates that he does not experience love. It’s just that sometimes a man needs to get distracted, mind his own business, and feel like a free man. Each person has his own characteristics and needs, and we have no right to blame people for this. No one can get rid of their needs with a snap of their fingers. If you do not satisfy them, this can lead to the most tragic consequences. At the end of the story, suppressed needs can burst out with double or even triple force. Everyone is capable of finding an acceptable way to satisfy them. The ability to find a compromise is the key to a stable, happy relationship.

Female obsession: what to do

So, what can you do if you notice traits of excessive obsession in your behavior? Let's consider several ways.

Of course, the very first thing a woman can do is not to judge her lover for spending time with friends, give him the opportunity to relax sometimes, and periodically disappear from his sight.
If a man stops responding to messages because he is uncomfortable with your intrusive behavior, ask him to respond at such times using a “key phrase.” For example, that he is still busy. This will serve as a signal that you need to “slow down” and will also help you identify those moments when a man does or does not feel the desire to communicate.
Try experimenting a little. Make a promise to yourself to wait for a message from the man. Consider this as a kind of training of volitional qualities. Also, such an exercise will help you determine how often a man needs to communicate. As a result of this practice, relationships will stabilize and become more harmonious.
Take your time. Often the most interesting friends– and this applies to both sexes – the speakers are busy and enthusiastic people. Those who have a lot to do simply do not have an extra minute to communicate. The paradox is that this busyness makes them interesting personalities and attractive partners. If your main occupation is to sit back and wait for a man to write a message, this often signals simple boredom. Find yourself an exciting hobby, and then a call from your loved one will not be a huge relief, but a joyful surprise.
Hide “feminine things” away from men’s eyes. This is also an important point. Girls who would like to be attractive to their lover will not show him various “female secrets” - lie with a mask applied to their face and slices of cucumber in front of their eyes, or excitedly talk about their grueling diet.

Of course, when living together, it can be very difficult to hide all your actions from a man. But he will appreciate the fact that you strive to make yourself more attractive in private.

Bye everyone.
Best regards, Vyacheslav.

How not to be intrusive? After all, obsession really spoils relationships. Sometimes we suffer so much from lack of attention that we simply begin to annoy our companion with our attention. And our relationship with her is even deteriorating. Let's try to understand this problem.

The less we love girls, the more they love us - it really makes sense. After all, when we start showing a lot of attention, the girl gets tired of it, and she is reluctant to communicate with us. No matter how much you want to pay a lot of attention to a girl, you must understand that everything loves its limits. Therefore, try to show attention in doses.

There is no need to strain the girl - the girl should feel more free and there is no need to call her a hundred times a day. Because it really gets boring. You don’t like it when your parents call you constantly. The girl doesn't like it either. This is starting to stress her out.

Keep your distance - don’t be overwhelmed by emotions from the fact that you didn’t have a girlfriend, but now you have one, flood her with this positive energy. You will simply scare her away. She will most likely think that you are, to put it mildly, an unbalanced person.

Patience - oh, how you will need it in life. You must be able to tolerate the fact that a girl is sometimes difficult to lift. Must be able to tolerate some of her pranks.

Free time - you need to give the girl a certain freedom in the relationship. Having free time, it’s not always worth calling a girl and talking about something you don’t know. You need to give the girl a little break from you. Many fights arise from the fact that people do not give each other time for themselves. Even to digest your information takes time. The girl wants to be alone a little, talk with her friend, walk the dog, think about some things, and not devote 100% of her time to you.

You need to be a little unpredictable - girls love guys who know how to pleasantly surprise them. Therefore, from time to time you need to make small gifts and give flowers from time to time or even take your companion somewhere. It will make you look romantic and less annoying.

My advice to you: Know how to control yourself and not bother the girl with your calls and imposing your communication. You must understand that information must be presented in doses. Although girls love with their ears, this does not mean that only your broadcast should be on her air. She also wants to communicate with friends, parents, relatives, colleagues, and even just to beat her in private. Therefore, give the girl a little break from you, and provide information in doses. After such actions, I am sure you will be less intrusive.

As a rule, all representatives of the stronger sex love freedom: they decide for themselves what and when to do, when to meet their lady and confess their feelings to her. Women, on the contrary, at the will of their emotions, without thinking about how to stop being intrusive towards a man in a relationship, always try to “take everything in full.” But sometimes such excessive intrusiveness simply scares off a strong-willed boyfriend, or leads to constant quarrels and misunderstandings, so women, in order not to completely ruin the relationship, should know how to stop being intrusive to their boyfriend. And the first step towards getting rid of obsession should be awareness of the problem. Only in this case can you overcome your bad habit and make the life of your loved one easier. Of course, it is very unpleasant to realize such things, but it is necessary! It’s worth remembering how many times a man’s number is dialed per day/week, how often he is offered meetings, etc.

If the calculation results in rather horrifying numbers, this is not only a sign of the presence of strong obsession, but also a clear reason why the gentleman is trying to behave aloof. Having soberly realized the problem, you need to move on to self-control. The main thing here is to carefully observe yourself and your desires and stop in time at the moment when you want to force yourself on a man. It is necessary to clearly understand the fact that the gentleman has the right to his own space and time and this is not considered an attempt to distance himself or an insult. According to psychologists, sometimes it is very useful to take short breaks in relationships and simply take a break from each other, which will help you appreciate all the moments spent together. And so that these breaks pass easily and without paroid attacks, it is recommended to find yourself some interesting activity.

It is worth noting that often the most common reason for human importunity is idleness, which a favorite hobby can help overcome. Therefore, you need to devote time not only to your chosen one, but also to hobbies and self-development. For example, you can read interesting books, watch new films, join a handicrafts group, or play sports. When a feeling of obsessive behavior arises, you need to immediately retreat and do what you love. Also, on the path to healing, psychologists advise to stop constantly calling a man. Some of the ladies believe that obsession manifests itself only when spending time together, but even frequent calls and SMS messages can begin to irritate a boyfriend. If you can’t control yourself on your own, you can connect to the most expensive tariff plan on your phone. This will significantly reduce the desire to dial your loved one again and have long conversations with him.

By the way, as soon as the habit of not letting go of the phone passes, you can safely return the previous tariff, but already know when to stop your calls. Spending time with friends will also help you overcome obsession. This option is especially good if there is not enough communication. You can go to the movies with your girlfriends, sit in a cafe, go shopping, or just have fun gatherings at home, discussing everything last news. But here, too, it is important to hold such events with different friends, so as not to impose yourself on anyone. And finally, self-confidence will certainly help regarding how to stop being obsessive in a relationship. As practice shows, due to strong uncertainty and fear of losing a loved one, people become very intrusive. Therefore, it is necessary to raise self-esteem, gain independence, learn to enjoy life, and give the initiative into the hands of a man.