The baby chooses the right one if. How to teach your child to make choices calmly and confidently

A child will learn information better if it is explained through personal example. For example, you want to show your child the mechanism for making decisions. To do this, you will have to say out loud all your thoughts and actions, and then describe all the pros and cons of each of the options for the development of events. Using this scheme, you can invite your baby to choose a gift for his grandmother or determine where you will celebrate his birthday.

Set your priorities

Very often, when faced with a choice, children fall into a stupor. They think that their whole life depends on this decision. Explain to your child that he will have to constantly decide something, so it is important to learn how to prioritize. For example, you don’t have to think for a long time about what to wear to school, but choosing a friend requires time to weigh the pros and cons.

Provide opportunities to learn from mistakes

This should be done only in matters that do not concern the health and safety of the child. After all, as practice shows, it is negative experiences that turn out to be the most instructive for children. After a rash decision, the baby will understand that any of his actions has consequences. Your task in such a situation is to support the baby and let him know that you are always on his side.

Offer to fantasize

Psychologists advise playing out hypothetical situations that force the child to make a choice. You can start with the simplest questions: what superpower would a child like to have, which cartoon character would he like to be friends with, etc.

After this, you can bring real-life examples into the game: what a baby will spend money on if he wins a talent competition, what a child will do if two classmates invite him to a birthday party on the same day, etc. Thanks to this exercise for your brain, Your son or daughter will develop critical thinking skills, and their ability to make decisions will noticeably increase.

Narrow down your options

It has been scientifically proven: the greater the choice, the more difficult it is for a person to make it. This is especially true for children. Their brains are not yet capable of processing large amounts of information, and giving up several options at once is very difficult for kids.

So don't force them to make a choice in situations where possible options A few dozens. Instead, offer to solve simple problems in everyday life, indicating a maximum of two options to choose from: “ Where will we go walk the dog - to the park or to the playground?”, “Will you help me wash the dishes or put away the toys?” In this way, the child will develop an understanding that his opinion is taken into account, and this will add to his self-confidence.

Children (especially small ones), as we know, cannot express in words what is happening to them, so the only source of communication available to them is behavior. The task of parents is to find out the motivation for a particular action. Too often it is the behavior that is punished or rewarded, but what lies behind it is simply not addressed. Usually bad behavior is a visualization of the real problem.

Burden of Responsibility

Parents who truly care about their children and want the best for them will go far in their moral education because they trust only themselves. Contribute to this cause and don't stop until you achieve results. Do not trust the upbringing of your child to strangers - he has his whole life ahead of him, and how he will grow up depends, by and large, only on you.

Example of morality

The family is the primary institution of socialization, and parents are the first teachers of morality. Make sure that your behavior, your moral principles and moral qualities are consistent with the behavior, principles and qualities that your children could emulate. Try to make your life an example of moral behavior and a model of moral attitude towards people. You are a role model, so always ask yourself, did you act honorably, will you be proud if your child repeats your action? Remember that children primarily copy the behavior of not only their parents, but also films.

Positive list

Before you start instilling morality in your child, you must decide on your beliefs and values. Write down a positive list of your qualities in your mind, think about why certain points are not on it. Talk to your child regularly about this topic, try to explain as fully as possible why you did what you did in this situation. It is important that your child knows your principles.

A good example

Knowledge is usually consolidated when it is not planned. Do not create conditions for moral choice on purpose; use unexpected situations for your own purposes. This will help the child develop moral values and reinforce them in his behavior.

Stimulus-response

Effective ensures that the child recognizes the “wrongness” of his behavior, and also fixes for himself that this cannot be done. Talk with him about the consequences of the action, possible alternatives, and ways to solve the problem. The child will learn from his mistakes and thereby grow morally above his past self.

Correct Expectations

A child who is raised according to moral principles acts exactly as his parents expect. Thus, a norm of behavior is established, and the child understands that he is being evaluated. Consistently reinforce your moral standards, even if your child is not yet able to grasp them. At this stage they will be rules, in the future they will be guidelines for behavior. The main task of parents is to teach the child to act independently, based on the acquired knowledge.

Talk about consequences

As often as possible, indicate to your child what consequences his behavior leads to or how the “victim” feels after his action. This is one of the best methods for teaching morality. This way you make the child more sensitive, he puts himself in the place of others and thereby coordinates his actions.

Reward effect

The easiest way to guide a child on the “true path” is to let him know that you appreciate his actions. To do this, when performing correct, moral, prudent actions, recognize good behavior and talk about how he behaved correctly in the current situation.

Prioritization

Encourage your child to recognize the positive impact his actions have on other people. Children try to depend on adults as little as possible Everyday life, however, parents must first become a moral guide and only then fade into the background.

Wisdom of the Ages

Invite your child to take as a basic life principle the expression: “Treat others the way you would like to be treated.” Understanding these words will help him understand his behavior, as well as how his actions affect other people. Make this rule the main measure of life for your entire family.

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Over the last century, views on the moral education of individuals (including preschoolers) have undergone significant changes: from the perception of a child as an object of obtaining and assimilating knowledge about moral standards to the obligation to comply with them, which has a conscious need to be moral.

In traditional psychology (domestic and Russian), the moral education of the younger generation has been studied in various aspects.

A study was carried out on the moral sphere of the individual; the results obtained are classified and systematized, categories of moral consciousness and moral behavior, moral feelings and experiences, and moral relations are defined.

Significant contribution to the development of the problem moral education the preschooler was assisted by L. Bozhovich, L. Vygotsky, P. Galperin, D. Elkonin, A. Zaporozhets, A. Leontiev, S. Rubinstein and many others.

Now the problems of moral education of preschoolers are reflected in many existing programs for kindergartens.

The tasks defined in them should be solved on the basis of continuous psychological and pedagogical support for the process of moral development of the pupil throughout preschool childhood in an integrated manner (since it is impossible to separate this educational direction from others), systematically (episodic work will not give the desired results) and based on cooperation and interpersonal interaction all adults and children.

How to organize work to educate a child’s morality?

Educational work must be planned and organized in such a way that moral education dominates unobtrusively, without unnecessary “moralizing”, so that it is intelligible and convincing, in compliance with the measure, and permeates all moments of a child’s life, since this is the only way to form a truly moral personality.

The period of preschool childhood is especially important for mastering the norms and rules of moral behavior as sensitive for the development of many areas of personality and the formation of its foundations.

Elementary moral ideas and feelings, behavioral skills, that their child acquires partly spontaneous moral experience, should become, according to L. Vygotsky’s definition, “natural” “cultural”, that is, turn into higher psychological functions and become the basis for the development of new forms, rules and norms of behavior.

The specifics of moral education are predetermined by age and individual characteristics children, norms of public morality and the like.

During the period of preschool childhood, it is extremely important to develop the emotions and moral feelings of children, which contributes to the formation of moral qualities of the individual, encourages the assimilation of certain norms and rules, and develops appropriate motives of behavior and habits.

Adults should take into account that children master moral phenomena gradually. First they perceive them on an emotional level (“good” - “bad”), then they slowly realize the reasons for certain actions.

Some children quickly comprehend the depth of moral situations and discuss them, while others are slower. It `s naturally. That is, moral development is predetermined by the specifics mental development preschoolers.

They must constantly take care of the development in students of a system of moral concepts and ideas about norms, which they subsequently reflect in their own behavior and attitude towards others.

It is important not to abuse prohibitions. It has been established that if a child is raised with the help of numerous “don’ts,” he grows up incapable of his own moral self-regulation, unable to make responsible moral choices, does not realize moral values and, being left without external control, does not adhere to norms.

The main principles that ensure the success of education are systematicity and consistency. Episodic influences do not produce results. Moral education also requires a positive example that children can imitate.

If the behavior of adults contradicts the rules, double standards are established in the minds of children: knowing how to behave in a certain situation, they break the rules because people significant to them do so. As a result, a distorted vision of morality as such is formed.

Only those children who are in a space of common requirements, and not double standards, can form a conscious attitude towards moral norms and rules. It is morality that is a complex new formation that characterizes a person as a social being, capable of living in society and acting according to its norms. Preschoolers (especially younger ones) tend not to recognize their own violations of moral norms, but to notice only the flaws of others.

Among the positive qualities of a person, they almost never mention moral qualities. They say that a kind person is handsome, smart, obedient, but they do not mention such traits as honesty, justice, responsibility, sensitivity, sociability, and the like. The moral portrait remains unattended because adults focus on the wrong approach to education.

Teachers often feel helpless when they seem to be well-mannered child does not meet their expectations, demonstrating rudeness, arrogance, disrespect - fulfilling the demands of adults, he did not appropriate moral standards, did not feel the need to comply with them.

As we see, our preschoolers have various reasons Gaps arise in the development of moral experience.

Parents and teachers think about: how to raise a moral personality; how to teach children to adhere to moral standards; how to explain to them the meaning of these norms; When exactly should you start parenting?

Everyone is concerned about the question: what is the art of education? modern child without shouting, slaps and punishments?

In fact, we are talking about the problem of cultivating moral judgments in children, developing self-regulation of behavior in accordance with established norms and rules, which should become their internal guidelines, the formation of an empathic attitude towards others, the formation of moral consciousness and self-awareness, moral feelings, and the like.

The main goals of moral education of modern preschoolers

Development of the child’s emotions and moral feelings (from experiences to high feelings) as the basis of moral education.
Forming a positive attitude towards compliance with moral standards and a negative attitude towards their violations based on an analysis of the situations that children observe in life, which they encounter every day in interpersonal communication.
Cultivating in a preschooler the desire to develop a positive image of his own “I” with its inherent moral qualities.
Helping the child develop the belief that if he acts negatively, he will lose his “good” status; supporting the correct moral choices of children.
Developing in students the habit of moral behavior, respect for the norms that govern their everyday relationships - nurturing a culture of communication and joint activity.

The specificity of moral education is that it cannot be separated from other processes, since it must be constant and continuous work, woven into the general outline of educational interaction between adults and children.

In moral education, it is important to take into account the age, individual and specific developmental characteristics of today’s preschoolers associated with increased emotionality, touchiness, observation, distinguishing them from previous generations. Modern requirements of a personality-oriented approach to education provide for the formation of a child’s “I-concept”.

Relevant in this process is the development of consciousness, empathy, and self-regulation of behavior in a preschooler, which directly affects the development of his moral sphere.

In moral education as a purposeful two-way process of interaction between adults and a child, what is important is not knowledge of the norms and rules of morality and obedient observance of them, but the formation of a personal need to act in accordance with them, to improve oneself throughout life.

Methods and techniques for implementing the tasks of moral education

Visual: observations; examination of thematic illustrations, viewing reproductions of paintings (didactic and pictorial), slide films, animated films, followed by discussion of their content; demonstration of positive behavior patterns; theatricalization.
Verbal: ethical conversations, stories, moral dialogues, reading children's works fiction adults, learning poetry; discussion of life moral situations; familiarization with folk moral customs and traditions; listening to audio recordings; guessing riddles; children compiling stories with moral themes using diagrams and illustrations; persuasion in the form of explanation; suggestion; encouragement; punishment.
Practical-game: didactic games moral orientation; role-playing and director's games, competition games; modeling fairy tales; staging plays on moral themes, solving moral problems, playing out situations with moral content; training, exercises.

Educate in a new way

So, we are talking about a new approach to the use of methods that have long existed in practice preschool education, which should ensure that children accept moral standards at the emotional, personal and internally conscious levels.

The effectiveness of moral education is determined by children’s compliance with moral norms, contrary to their own benefit and interests, without external control or coercion from adults, especially in conditions of free moral choice, when the temptation arises to violate them.

It is important whether the child adheres to moral standards constantly, because this is his own need, or episodically, for the sake of approval - this is precisely the “new-old” problem of moral education modern preschoolers who spend a lot of time on computers, smartphones, tablets, without mastering the norms of human relationships.

The moral personality of today's children must be formed in a new way.

Action plan regarding moral education: creating a holistic psychological model of this process, identifying its psychological patterns and specific features.

There was also an urgent need to develop technology for psychological and pedagogical support for the moral education of preschool children.

The ability to choose is one of the most important human qualities, and the right to choose is inalienable for every person.

Therefore, it is so important for parents who want to raise their child to be a full-fledged and independent personality, to teach their child to choose in time.

HOW AND WHEN TO DO THIS?

It is best to teach a child to choose from infancy. And it is from this moment that parents need to learn to respect the child’s choice.

Let the baby choose one of the rattles only for a few minutes, and then lose interest in it and reach for another, since he still does not know how to concentrate and concentrate his attention on one thing.

However, in this way the child still makes his choice - perhaps the first, not yet very conscious and not justified, but very important.

And when mom or dad give the baby the opportunity to choose toys, and those that he did not choose are hidden or pushed aside for a while, they teach the child to choose.

Even if the baby chooses both rattles or doesn’t take either, it will still be his decision, his choice.

JOINT PURCHASES

When your son or daughter grows up a little, you need to continue to train their ability to choose - clothes, food, toys, gifts and much more.

For example, when going shopping with your child, let him choose something for himself for the pre-suggested amount.

In order to teach your child to choose wisely, carefully and justifiably, it is best to early age ask him to tell you why he made the choice he did.

Of course, this does not mean that as soon as children are able to conduct a normal dialogue with their parents, they will be able to explain their desires and preferences. However, training such a skill is very useful - both for the general development of the child and for his ability to make choices.

RESPECT HIS CHOICE

By the way, when giving your child the right to choose and asking him questions, be prepared to respect not only the child’s choice, but also his explanations, no matter how stupid or strange they may seem to you.

Unfortunately, many parents cannot recognize their children’s right to choose, constantly pushing back the “age level of maturity.” That is, some believe that their child is not capable of making independent choices until he goes to school, others say - until he graduates from school.

And there are also those who even deny their fully grown and married children the right to choose, preferring to choose everything for the child.

WHY IS THIS NEEDED?

As a result of this “educational approach”, dependent, dependent, insecure people grow up, completely unable to choose either friends, or work, or a wife or husband. Such people prefer not to decide anything and wait until someone chooses for them and determines their own life.

Unfortunately, there are also parents who subconsciously do not want to let their child out of their sphere of absolute influence.

Moreover, such adults are simply sure that they are acting with the best intentions, that by deciding everything for the child, they are benefiting him. However, this is not so, and those who did not learn to choose in childhood will not be able to later find their place in life.

Of course, while the child is small and is not yet able to make an informed choice, the parents determine what the child should choose from.

But as you grow older, try to give your child the chance to choose for himself more often, telling him about each of the choices he has in front of him, and you will see that even in a grocery store, a 4-5 year old child will no longer choose only sweets.

PSEUDO-CHOICE

There is one “but” in the science of choosing - many psychologists advise parents to manipulate their children by giving them “pseudo-choice”.

For example, a baby doesn’t want to get dressed, but his mother asks him to choose whether to wear a green T-shirt or a blue one. That is, the child is forced to choose from several equally unsatisfactory options.

However, this approach is only suitable if it is absolutely clear that the baby is simply being capricious. If he has some kind of conscious and clear desire that has a reason, then he cannot brush it aside and offer the child a “pseudo-choice.”

In addition, be prepared that at some stage your son or daughter will no longer “catch” your trick and will openly say that they do not want either one or the other.

Therefore, if a child insists on his own, not because of whims, and if there is such an opportunity, try to listen to his opinions and desires.

In addition, if he stubbornly refuses to sleep, eat, walk or play, pay attention to whether everything is okay with the child - otherwise you risk simply harming the baby.

So, teach your child to choose and justify his choice from an early age, listen to him, respect his opinion and his decisions, and over time he himself will be able to explain to you the reasons for his actions. Children who learn to choose often grow into independent, responsible people.

Election campaign

Surely many parents are familiar with the situation when it takes your offspring forever to make a decision. Especially often, the pangs of choice take a child by surprise in a toy store. Asking a parent tired of shopping for a robot is only half the battle. But deciding what options such a valuable “trophy” will have - a sparkling look and sound effects or a laser blaster of alien origin - is sometimes an impossible task for most preschoolers. According to psychologists, for children aged 5-6 years, the problem of choice is an absolute norm and it is associated, first of all, with a lack of life experience. Up to a certain point in a child’s life, all important (and sometimes absolutely all) decisions are made for him by adults. But when children go to school, they have much more opportunity (and need) to express their preferences and defend their own point of view. By making choices, the baby becomes more independent and self-confident. True, this does not happen overnight. The task of parents is to develop decision-making skills in every possible way - to constantly support, guide and teach children to decide for themselves. Here are a few ways to help us do this gradually, painlessly and as effectively as possible.

Tip #1: Explain in your fingertips

Start with the simplest and effective method– use a personal example to show how to make this or that decision. Step by step, speak out loud and analyze all your thoughts so that your child can build a clear logical chain of your actions. Next, describe all the pros and cons of each of the options for the development of events and compare them with each other. This will make it easier to find the right solution. For example, when faced with the task of what to give your grandfather for his anniversary, focus on the hobbies of the birthday person, determine the cost of the gift and its practical use. This way you can clearly demonstrate to your child how you came to a specific choice.

TIP #2: Narrow down your options

Research confirms that the more choices we have, the more difficult it is for us to make them. And doubly so for children. Firstly, their brains are not yet capable of processing too much information. Secondly, it is especially difficult for them to give up a lot at once. Conduct an experiment: invite your little sweet tooth to choose just one from a dozen potential birthday cakes. Rest assured, this mission is impossible for her. But if you reduce the range to two or three options, things will go much faster. And again: the more practice, the better the result. To increase productivity and speed of decision-making, try as often as possible to present your child with a choice in everyday life: “Where should we go for a walk with the dog - to the park or to the playground? Shall we cook meat or fish for dinner? Will you wash the dishes or wipe off the dust?” The realization that he is not only given a choice, but that his opinion is taken into account will add self-confidence to the child.

TIP #3: Prioritize

Sometimes children fall into a stupor when faced with a choice. The fact is that they perceive every decision they make as something extremely important. Explain to your child that in life he will have to constantly decide something. There are some things you don't need to spend a lot of time thinking about (for example: what to bring for a snack to school). More difficult problems—what book to read next—are worth thinking about. And the question of what sport to take up requires quite serious consideration. Every time your child is faced with a choice, remind him of the existence of simple and difficult decisions. And one fine day you will notice that it is not difficult for him to decide on his own which juice to order in a cafe.

TIP #4: Offer to use your imagination

Psychologists say: when children ask themselves questions and answer them, and also evaluate what is happening, their thinking process slows down and they can think things through better. You can help your child maintain this “speed limit” through play. On the way home from school or on the way to additional classes try to role-play hypothetical situations that present him with a choice. To awaken interest in what is happening, first suggest imagining. Ask your son which superhero he would like to become? Ask your daughter what magical fairy talents she would not refuse to have? Then move on to more life scenarios. Ask yourself what your son will do if two classmates invite him to their birthdays at the same time? Or what would your daughter spend the money on if she suddenly won a game show? By carrying out such simple “brain exercises” from time to time, you develop critical thinking skills in your children and develop decision-making abilities.

TIP #5: Let people learn from mistakes.

Of course, you have a great idea of what could happen if your child takes all his pocket money with him to school. But if he continues to stand his ground, even after your warnings to lose everything “that he has acquired through backbreaking labor,” do not waste time and stop resisting. In matters not related to his health and safety, give your child the right to make mistakes. Unfortunately, it is the negative experience that turns out to be the most instructive. Children must clearly understand that any decision has its consequences. You can be sure that if you return home with empty pockets today, tomorrow your stubborn person will certainly leave most of his savings at home in the piggy bank. The main thing, in any case, is that the baby should feel your support. It's okay if he makes a mistake. After all, they learn from mistakes! It’s much worse if you start reproaching him for this. When a child is not happy with the result of his choice, be sure to discuss why this happened and how to prevent miscalculations in the future. Over time, the child will understand that he is not only responsible for his decisions, but will also be convinced that he can influence events - this way he will overcome confusion and feel confident in his abilities.