Marital conflicts are, unfortunately, an inevitability that absolutely all couples face. “Clashes” between spouses happen sooner or later, even with those who do not believe in it, who are trying to prove that they exist ideal relationship.

Destructive and constructive

• Destructive conflicts “seek” to humiliate and offend.
• The purpose of constructive conflicts is to attempt a truce and smooth out the “bad” situation.

Conflicts can arise, as they say, out of nowhere. That is, there seems to be no reason to “start a conflict fire,” but it still appears and flares up. But it also happens differently when both spouses are really to blame for what happens between them.

Causes of family conflicts

Because of which a conflict situation arises: bad mood, problems at work, financial difficulties, jealousy, betrayal, differences of opinion, dispute, alcohol abuse, insults, lack of intimate life or dissatisfaction (dissatisfaction) with it, deception, “difference” of tastes and outlook on life, unfulfilled promise….

Ways to resolve conflict situations

Now we will look at some conflict situations in more detail, discussing how you can cope with any “problem”.

Husband doesn't like shopping?

Go shopping with friends or alone! Remember that men will never love shopping trips. It's easier for them to evaluate what you bought than to participate with you in the buying process.

Does your spouse give you anything?

There is no need to turn this topic into a huge scandal! Just talk to him. Explain how important it is for you to receive gifts from him. Or take the first step. Can you guess which one? Certainly! Give your loved one something nice. Find out what you really need so you don't go wrong.

Remember that all the “black stripes” will disappear. You just need to wait for this moment and not panic. Take care of your nerves (yours and yours).

Don't provoke your loved one to jealousy

Try not to make him jealous of someone, even as a joke. Many men become unbearably hot-tempered during the “zealous” period. Be extremely careful! “A man’s tongue is small, but how many lives has he ruined!” It is possible that you have already read this saying several times.

Cheer up your loved one

However, only do this if you see that he needs it. Many men like to be alone when something is gnawing, tormenting or worrying them.

How can you cheer up a loved one?

We can talk a little about this if you want to touch on a similar topic.

Give him surprises

Naturally, they should be as pleasant as possible, albeit unexpected.

Offer to take a walk, unwind, and relax. Offer this, but do not insist if you receive a refusal, so as not to “inflame” tension in communication.

Think about something pleasant and tell your spouse about your memories. If he likes this idea, he will appreciate it and continue to remember everything with you.

Give your husband a romantic evening

Prepare something interesting, tasty, original. Men have a special attitude towards food. You yourself are aware of this.

Children are real happiness!

But, unfortunately, they also become the cause of family conflicts. It happens that a wife wants children, but the husband wants the opposite. And it happens that spouses dream of becoming parents, but nothing works out for them, although they do everything to achieve the desired goal.

There are cases when a wife cries at night and asks fate for her husband to change, become softer and agree to become a father. You can try taking him to see a psychologist. However, this is not easy to do either.

Raising children is another reason why husbands and wives fight. Women are more likely to feel sorry for their babies. Men treat them much more strictly. Sometimes severity even goes beyond all limits!

Another reason for conflict

Poor relationships between young people and their parents (due to “misunderstanding” and understatement). Try living separately. It is quite possible that then the conflict will be settled, although not forgotten.

What needs to be done to ensure that the conflict does not drag on for long?

There are many different ways...

Compromise is one of the most effective

However, the whole problem is that many people do not know how to “collaborate” with him. Reasons: character, pride, selfishness.

Coordination

If you choose this method to “remove” the conflict, then keep in mind that you will have to sacrifice everything to make your spouse feel good. Coordination is a method that is much “cooler” than compromises (in the sense that not everyone is able to act as a “self-sacrifice”).

Suspension (evasion)

The solution to any important issue is put on the back burner until better times. This method “breathes” real uncertainty or doubt.

Remember that a man responds well to quiet speech

So if you want to quickly say “no” to a conflict, then try to maintain a quiet tone of speech, without exceeding it even by the slightest!

Forbidden phrases

Never use phrases like: “You will never change,” “You have always been like this,” “I didn’t expect anything else.”Don't humiliate a person! After all, you once liked him just like that! Have you forgotten about this? People don't change radically. They are capable of becoming different, but for a certain time.

Relax

Relax to relieve nervousness and tension and look at your spouse again with different (kinder) eyes. Everyone chooses their own way of relaxation. You can choose: sauna, solarium, sleep, bath, watch a good movie.

Take a break

Don't focus your attention on the conflict! Distract yourself from children, homework, or talking on the phone. Do everything not to think about the fact that there was a conflict between you just recently.

Convince your interlocutor that he was heard and understood by you. By the way, you don’t have to agree with him at all. Show that you respect what he thinks and don't criticize him.

Family ideology -

Air out family relationships -

Or maybe you... -

And this is not surprising, because it is in the family that the closest contacts between people occur. And at the same time, each of the family members wants to live in accordance with their ideas and views, and it is not always possible to correlate them with the habits and beliefs of other family members. Family conflicts occur on this basis. From time to time, spouses, parents and children, or people of the middle and older generation find themselves on opposite sides of the “barricade.”

Conflict can occur not only when family members have different views and beliefs. Sometimes confrontation occurs when people cannot understand each other and because of this they come to the wrong conclusion. This gives rise to claims and grievances, and the problem cannot always be resolved peacefully. What else can cause a tense situation leading to a quarrel?

Common Causes of Family Conflicts

Leo Tolstoy wisely noted that “... every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Each of us could give examples of this. This is about unhappiness. It’s the same with conflicts - their reasons in different families can be completely different. Even the very passage of a marriage through different stages of its existence can create conflict situations. What types of stages of family development can be called crisis?

• The “grinding in” period, when the newlyweds learn to live like a married couple;
• The birth of the first child and mastering the role of mom and dad;
• Birth of subsequent children;
• When the child goes to school;
• Children enter adolescence;
• Children growing up and leaving the parental home;
• Midlife crisis of spouses;
• Retirement of spouses

Each of these stages can create various stressful situations, which, in turn, can serve as a potential cause of family conflict.

Changes in marital status and family affairs can also contribute to tension. It could be:

• Divorce or separation of spouses;
• Moving to a new place of residence;
• Business trips over long distances and for a long time;
• The need to work in another state;
• Change in family financial situation

So it turns out that family conflicts and their causes can be completely different. Each family member's attitudes, values, and needs may change over time, and they may feel incompatible with the others.

Types of confrontations within the family

Psychologists identify different types of family conflicts:

• Actually conflicts. Even in a happy and healthy, normally functioning family, arguments will occur from time to time. Confrontations can be caused by inconsistencies in the views and goals of different family members. Conflicts can be resolved, and then they do not threaten the stability of family ties. Contradictions in the family can arise at all levels, that is, brothers and sisters, spouses, as well as parents and children can quarrel among themselves.
• Tensions b. Psychologists refer to long-standing, unresolved conflicts as tension. They can be obvious and open, but they can also be simply temporarily suppressed. In any case, they accumulate and cause negative emotions, leading to constant irritability, aggressiveness and hostility, which ultimately causes a loss of contact between family members.
• A crisis. We can talk about it when the conflict and tension have reached a stage in which all previously operating models of negotiations begin to fail, and, consequently, the real needs of individuals or an entire group of household members remain chronically unsatisfied. Crises often lead to family disorganization, that is, certain obligations of spouses to each other or the responsibilities of parents in relation to children are no longer fulfilled properly. And family disorganization, in turn, often ends in its disintegration.

These are the main types of conflicts. What can cause them? What rough edges in relationships between close people can lead to disaster?

Searching for “faults” in family relationships

Family conflicts and their causes are always closely related. We are ready to give, although not a complete, detailed list of those shortcomings in intra-family ties that can significantly affect both the quality of relationships and the further psychological well-being of the family. Here are some examples:

• Inability to express your feelings. In families with an unhealthy psychological climate, its members tend to hide their feelings and reject their expressions by other people. They do this mainly to avoid mental pain and psychological trauma.
• Lack of communication. In dysfunctional families, open communication between relatives is very rare. If family conflicts arise, family members begin to avoid each other, withdrawing emotionally and withdrawing into themselves.
• Manifestations of anger. If any problems arise, an unhealthy family tries to hide them, instead of facing them head on and trying to solve them. In such a family, there are often disputes about who is responsible for the occurrence of a particular problem, and such disputes most often lead to outbursts of anger and even the use of force. Such relationships cause complete chaos and cause the parties to the conflict to become deaf to other people's feelings. Preventing and resolving family conflicts at this stage of relationships becomes very difficult.
• Fuzzy boundaries of “personal territory”. In dysfunctional families, relationships are unstable and chaotic. Some family members suppress others by not respecting their individuality. Such a violation of personal boundaries can lead not only to conflict, but also to actions that can be classified as “family violence.”
• Manipulation. Manipulators express their anger and frustration in the only way they can: they try to put pressure on others to make them feel guilty and ashamed. In this way, they try to get others to do what the manipulators themselves want.
• Negative attitude towards life and towards each other. In some families, everyone treats others with some suspicion and mistrust. They don't know what optimism is, and they usually have no sense of humor at all. Relatives have very few common interests and rarely find a common topic of conversation.
• Stubborn relationships. It also happens that family members understand that something is going wrong, but they do not have the courage to try to change something and start acting in a new way. This creates great difficulties in relationships; household members cannot feel free to develop as individuals. They prefer to live in the past because they cannot cope with negative changes in the present.
• Social isolation. For the most part, members of a psychologically unhealthy family are lonely. They are isolated from each other, and all their relationships develop (if they have not already lost the ability to develop interpersonal relationships) outside the family. Most often, children growing up in families with unhealthy relationships suffer from such isolation. Sometimes antisocial behavior becomes characteristic of them, which ultimately leads to even greater personal isolation - in such a situation there are not even friends left.
• Stress and psychosomatic diseases. Unexpressed emotions can negatively affect health and cause psychosomatic illnesses. Such a person gradually loses energy and can no longer take care of his family as before. As a rule, he himself does not even realize that he is unwell; It’s not surprising that his loved ones don’t understand this either. They perceive his apathy as indifference to the problems of the family, and this serves as an impetus for conflicts. But the real definition of these conflicts is a simple misunderstanding!

If you find in your relationship at least one of the mentioned signs of impending trouble, then there is no need to rush into panic; but it’s very worth drawing serious conclusions and trying to improve the relationship! Preventing and resolving family conflicts largely depends on your desire to find a common language with your loved ones.

Although, in fairness, it must be said that desire alone is still not enough. You also need to know exactly how you can resolve conflict and establish healthy relationships. This is what we will talk about now, taking into account different types of conflicts.

How relationships can develop

As we have already said, family conflicts between generations are possible when there is misunderstanding between different age groups and/or lack of respect, usually among the younger ones towards the older ones. It can be difficult for younger generations to understand that their elders were also young, that they have contributed to society, and that although they have become less active due to their age, they are still smart and have a wealth of experience that can be useful to others.

Older generations may find it difficult to accept the behavior of some young people. They see that young people now have more opportunities than they once had, and that the younger generation does not have the hardships that they once endured. Older people cannot understand that young people today are faced with various problems related to the peculiarities of modern society, and cannot recognize that these problems are also very difficult in their own way.

But there are examples of generational conflicts that occur on other grounds. Some may find it frustrating to have to care for a sick elderly relative. They may love this person very much, but they have to constantly make some sacrifices in their lives in order to fulfill this care. In addition, the older relative himself may feel guilty and will consider himself a burden to his family. This can lead to depression and be an additional source of complications in relationships.

Aging often brings with it discrimination or prejudice against people of a certain age, and this is a major cause of conflict between generations.

Young grandparents

Here’s another example: children of young parents grow up, create their own families, and have grandchildren. The birth of their first grandchildren usually takes many middle-aged people by surprise. They are not yet ready for a new role, because they live their own, full and active lives, and are still full of ambitions. And daughters or sons, having created families and given birth to a child, suddenly realize that at the wrong time they found themselves shackled hand and foot. They still need to study, they need to work, and youth takes its toll - they want to continue communicating with friends, go to the cinema, go dancing, go on an excursion...

And conflicts begin. Young people do not understand that the entire responsibility for raising a child lies only with them; it is difficult for them to be locked within four walls. They also don’t understand that grandparents are also full of energy, they have some plans of their own, and almost all “ancestors” are still working at this age.

Another example is the exact opposite of the first. The grandmother reaches out to her grandchildren, but her daughter-in-law does not let her bother with them. All advice from the mother-in-law is rejected because the daughter-in-law does not agree with it. And this applies not only to children. Habits and rules in different families may differ even in small things, not to mention more important issues. But conflicts often begin with little things... Here’s another example: the mother-in-law always served her son a buttered bun for breakfast. And the young daughter-in-law, most likely, advocates healthy eating, and therefore switched her husband to yoghurts. The mother-in-law will worry that her son remains hungry, and the daughter-in-law will be nervous that her mother-in-law is spoiling her husband’s health. Discontent will accumulate, and one day it will develop into conflict.

How to solve these problems?

The coexistence of generations does not have any fixed rules, but a solution to the problem can still be found.

The most important thing on which the prevention and resolution of family conflicts between people of different ages is based is the ability and desire to find out different points of view, experience the situation taking into account the interests of both parties.

How can we understand each other better if we are so different? How can we make others more sensitive to the situation? And how can we help people expand their ideas about youth and old age?

It all depends on the specific situation and the specific family. Here are the main “tools” with which you can correct a difficult situation:

• Problem identification;
• Explaining the reasons for the position taken and showing empathy;
• Taking measures to eliminate the conflict;
• Changing the attitude towards such a situation: understanding the position of the opposing side eliminates possible conflicts in the future. Understanding is the best prevention of conflicts.

Children and conflict

The above examples, of course, do not exhaust all possible variants of conflicts between generations. Growing children also often become a source of conflict. The transitional age alone - even in quite prosperous families - brings with it so many problems! True, we will not consider the prevention of conflicts between parents and teenagers now; this is a separate topic. But we cannot say that any quarrel between parents has a strong adverse effect on the child.

Even if the child is very small and does not yet understand anything that adults say, he begins to cry almost immediately after the parents begin to quarrel.

Children perceive elevated levels of parental conversation as a threat to their well-being.

Older children also perceive parental conflicts very painfully. What if the children themselves become the culprits of the conflict? If they have done something wrong, do they have to be scolded and punished?

Of course, life is life, conflict can arise at any moment, and it is not always possible to protect our children from the negative effects of stress. And here the prevention of nervous diseases in children comes first. How, you ask? We must learn to quarrel competently. And children must also be scolded competently.

This means that parents should not resort to humiliation and ridicule, and should never use profanity or engage in physical violence, even if it is only a slap or a slap on the head. This also means that rational arguments should be used during conflict. Parents should never forget that children learn from them every minute how to behave and communicate with other people, so even in the moment of greatest anger you should not set a bad example for them.

In addition, after a quarrel with your offspring, you must find an opportunity to reconcile with him, and you must express your love for the child. Your child should feel that everything is fine, the crisis has passed, and he is still dear to you.

Resolving family conflicts

Prevention, prevention and resolution of family conflicts depends on your attitude towards them. First of all, learn how to act correctly during a quarrel:

• Define the problem. Discuss it clearly and calmly with your household, paying attention to your tone and the words you choose to express your feelings;
• Discuss the identified problem;
• If the discussion becomes heated and begins to escalate into an argument, take a break so that everyone can cool down and return to a calm discussion;
• Come up with a solution to the problem and collectively agree on it;
• Put your decision into practice. You must act on the decision in order for the conflict to truly end.

Today, for some reason, family is not a priority. Business, success and money have become the number one goal for many. But we must pay attention to the most important thing in our lives - our family and friends. Everything else can wait. Only then will family conflict become a very rare “guest” in your home.

Plan

INTRODUCTION -

1. Family relationships

1.1 Unconstructive attitudes toward marriage

2. Causes of family conflicts

2.1 Types of conflicts

3. Classification of conflicts

4. Prevention of family conflicts

4.1 Ways to prevent family conflicts

5. Ways to resolve family conflicts

5.1 Determining the essence of the conflict

Conclusion -

Bibliography

- INTRODUCTION -

Conflictology is a relatively young science. It appeared in its completed form only by the middle of the 20th century. But conflicts have always existed, and the first attempts to understand them date back to ancient times.

Ancient philosophers believed that conflict in itself is neither good nor bad; it exists everywhere, regardless of people's opinions about it. The whole world is full of contradictions; the life of nature, people and even Gods is inevitably connected with them. True, they had not yet used the term “conflict” itself, but they had already seen that conflict does not exhaust the whole of life, but represents only a part of it.

Conflictology is one of the youngest branches of scientific knowledge, developed at the intersection of many sciences and, above all, sociology and psychology.

Conflictology emerged as a relatively independent direction in sociology in the late 50s of the 20th century and was initially called “sociology of conflict.” This event is associated with the works of R. Dahrendorf (Germany) “Social classes and class conflicts in industrial society” (1957), as well as L. Coser (USA) - “Functions of social conflicts” (1956).

During the same period, a similar situation was observed in psychology. Thanks to the research of M. Sheriff, D. Rapoport, R. Doz, L. Thompson, K. Thomas, M. Deutsch, D. Scott and others, the psychology of conflict stands out as a relatively independent direction.

Research in the field of sociology of conflict and especially in the field of conflict psychology has contributed to the development of conflictology practice. The formation of conflict management practice occurred in the 70s of the 20th century. During this period, Horowitz and Boardman are creating a psychological training program aimed at teaching constructive behavior in conflict interactions. Charles Oswood developed the POIR (Post-Reciprocal and Reciprocal Initiatives to Reduce Tension) methodology, designed to resolve international conflicts.

In the development of conflict management practice, a special place was occupied by negotiation methods of conflict resolution (D. Scott; S. and G. Bower; G. Kelman, etc.). The development of technologies for negotiations with the participation of a mediator (V. Lincoln, L. Thompson, R. Rubin, etc.) led to the creation in the USA in the 1970-1980s of educational institutions for training social mediators. During this period, the Harvard method of “principled negotiations” by R. Fisher and W. Urey gained worldwide fame.

In the 1980s, conflict management centers emerged in the United States and other countries of the world. And in 1986, in Australia, on the initiative of the UN, the International Center for Conflict Resolution was created. In Russia, the first center for conflict resolution was created in St. Petersburg in 1993.

The concept of “conflict” (from the Latin Conflictus - clash) has more than one interpretation. In philosophy, this is a category that reflects the stage (phase and form) of the development of the category “contradiction”, when existing opposites turn into extreme opposites (polarity, antagonism), reaching the moment of mutual negation of each other and the removal of contradiction.

But, considering the starting positions for defining the concept of “conflict”, A.G. Zdravomyslov considers it unlawful to attempt to subsume it under a broader category of contradictions, since contradictions, in his opinion, do not always entail conflicts. To transform contradictions into conflicts, awareness of the opposition of interests and the corresponding motivation of interests are necessary. While the opposition of interests is not realized, the conflict, as the English political scientist E. Giddens believes, has not yet arisen.

There is a huge variety of conflicts in society, which is determined by the reasons for their occurrence.

Family conflicts are one of the most common forms of conflict. According to socialists, in 80-85% of families conflicts occur, and in the remaining 15-20% quarrels arise on various occasions.

In accordance with the topic of the test, we will consider the following tasks:

Identify the causes of family conflicts;

Classify family conflicts;

Determine possibilities for preventing and resolving family conflicts.

1. Family conflicts

The uniqueness of family relationships determines not only the origin and course of conflicts in the family, but also has a special impact on the social and mental health of all its members. Family conflicts are confrontations between family members based on a clash of opposing motives and views. It is believed that effective marital interaction is determined by the dynamic balance of the concepts of “WE” and “I”. Equilibrium is truly dynamic, because at any given time there is an emphasis on only one of the two concepts. If the “WE” component develops too strongly, there is always a danger of inhibiting the personal growth of one of the spouses (and sometimes both). If the “I” component is highly developed, preconditions for disunity and resentment arise.

It is clear that the entire complex of relationships and problems that arise in marriage cannot be reduced only to the presence or absence of selfishness. Everything is much more complicated. What is the significance of family relationships? Why are they characterized by conflicts?

Family relations are regulated by society and are prescribed by law in the Family Code of the Russian Federation. But often, the concepts of “Marriage, spouses, responsibility, debt, divorce, jointly acquired property, etc.” do not always coincide with the ideas of one or both spouses.

Family relationships are based on obligations to each other, to oneself and to society. Each spouse may understand their or their partner’s obligations differently, ignore them, force the other partner to fulfill them, and so on. Often marriage becomes a platform for manipulating each other and replacing common goals with personal ones.

Family relationships are formed in most cases on the basis of the experience of the parental family of each spouse (which is sometimes very difficult to combine into a single understanding), and extremely rarely on the basis of mature ideas and realistic wishes of each partner. This becomes a reason for family conflicts.

The attitudes that arise in marriage are usually very rigid and are supported by both spouses, sometimes involuntarily.

1.1 Unconstructive attitudes towards marriage

The main, most common non-constructive attitudes towards marriage:

Pessimism.

Subjectivism.

Frivolity.

Idealism.

Unrealistic demands.

Orientation.

Fatalism.

Conservatism.

Sacrifice.

In fact, there are much more installations and it is impossible to list them all. It is important to learn how to recognize them correctly and in a timely manner and replace them with more effective ones.

It is impossible to exclude the occurrence of family conflicts, and family conflicts between close people almost always arise. It’s just that some families know how to solve them, while others don’t.

Because a family is not just a sum of people (family members), but an open, self-developing system with its own laws, norms of behavior and type of relationships. And changes that occur with one of the family members directly or indirectly affect the rest of its members. Family conflicts always affect the personal interests of one of the family members. And each family goes through certain stages of development, which are characterized by their own periods of tension and crises.

And here it is important to have effective and acceptable ways for all family members to solve these problems.

2. Causesemergencefamily conflicts

Family conflicts are diverse. These include conflicts between spouses, parents, children, and intergenerational conflicts between representatives of the younger and older generations. Conflicts in the family between its members arise regarding the performance of family functions, psychological contradictions, different understandings of family goals and development tasks of each generation, and the system of family values ​​of family members. Family conflict is perceived and managed by family members as a divergence, a clash of their interests, goals and needs.

Each of us can identify several reasons that cause frequent conflicts in the family:

* different views on family life;

* unmet needs and empty expectations;

* drunkenness of one of the spouses;

* infidelity;

* disrespectful attitude towards each other;

* reluctance to participate in raising children;

* household unsettlement;

* disrespect for relatives;

* reluctance to help around the house;

* differences in spiritual interests;

* mismatch of temperaments;

* jealousy, etc.

These are not all the reasons that cause conflicts in the family. Most often there are several reasons.

2.1 Types of conflicts

Conflicts can be divided into two types depending on their resolution.

Creative -- represents a certain patience in relations with each other, endurance and refusal of insults, humiliation; searching for the causes of conflict; mutual readiness for dialogue, efforts to change existing relationships. Result: friendly relations between spouses are established, communication becomes more constructive.

Destructive - represents insults, humiliation: the desire to “annoy”, teach a lesson more, blame someone else. The result: mutual respect disappears, communication with each other turns into a duty, often unpleasant.

So, let’s determine what is the basis for generating conflict in the family:

1. Unsatisfied need for self-affirmation.

2. The desire of one or both spouses to realize primarily personal needs in marriage (selfishness).

3. Inability of spouses to communicate with each other, with relatives, friends and acquaintances, and work colleagues.

4. Strongly developed material ambitions in one or both spouses.

5. Reluctance of one of the spouses to participate in housekeeping.

6. The presence of inflated self-esteem in one or both spouses.

7. The reluctance of one of the spouses to raise children or a divergence of views on methods of education.

8. Differences in spouses’ ideas about the content of the roles of husband, wife, father, mother, and head of the family.

9. Misunderstanding as a result of reluctance to engage in dialogue.

10. Different types of temperament of spouses and inability to take into account the type of temperament.

11. Jealousy of one of the spouses.

12. Adultery of one of the spouses.

13. Sexual coldness of one of the spouses.

14. Bad habits of one of the spouses and the associated consequences.

15. Special cases.

3. Classification of conflicts

Physiological conflict. That is, partners, for example, have completely different biological cycles (one is a lark, the second is an owl), and against the background of this, a conflict situation necessarily arises. Psychologists advise nipping this type of conflict in the bud, and at the very beginning of family life, understand each other’s characteristics and talk about them directly. This is exactly the case when conflict can be avoided. And the only way to do this is to organize your living space so that neither spouse in it feels depressed and adapts to the desires and needs of the other. But if it was not possible to avoid misunderstanding, then you need to be aware that this type of conflict cannot be the basis for the destruction of a family, and the best way out of it is a compromise.

A psychosexual conflict overtakes the spouses at the very moment when the euphoria that the feeling of falling in love gives to the couple disappears from their lives. And a growing feeling of dissatisfaction with a partner is a good reason to begin preventing this type of conflict. The way to prevent this type of conflict from entering the home is to be with yourself at the very beginning of a sexual relationship with a partner.

Status-role, and it is precisely with its occurrence that an impressive number of divorces among married couples is associated. If one of the partners in a couple demonstratively does not respect the other and belittles his role in every possible way, a status-role conflict is obvious. It appears in misalliances (better known as unequal marriages), and the inequality of partners is of a social nature. To avoid this conflict, it is worth learning once and for all: it is impossible to re-educate an adult, and therefore it is useless to “nag” him.

In emotional conflict, the main problem is the lack of obvious expressions of love on the part of one of the spouses. This state of affairs is usually established in couples where one of the partners is a closed and not very emotional person, and therefore he cannot repeat to his half about unearthly love every five minutes. And if this half is not too confident in itself and in the feelings of its spouse, then an emotional conflict will not keep itself waiting. In this case, a partner who is stingy with emotions needs to remember that it is impossible to look into the soul of another person. And if he does not show his warm attitude towards his beloved, then sooner or later (but most likely, sooner) he will doubt the presence of any feelings on the part of his partner.

Psychologists call age conflict not the eternal dispute between generations, but the misunderstanding that arises between people whose maturity is at completely different levels. To aggravate this type of conflict is as easy as shelling pears: you need to stop noticing your partner and demonstrate to him in every possible way that you cannot go out together. It is worth maintaining such a relationship only if each spouse is sure that the “one and only” is next to him. And if marriage is just a preparatory stage for a new, real relationship, then it is better to admit it to yourself and put an end to such a family. Moreover, psychologists say that age conflict is very difficult to resolve.

Value conflict. If the life priorities of two people are too different and do not find common ground, then the fact that they turned out to be connected by marriage cannot be called anything other than an accident.
However, socialists are confident that this type of conflict can be overcome if sufficient efforts are made to resolve it. Even if one of the spouses exhibits antisocial behavior or is addicted to alcohol or drugs, you can try to break out of your usual social circle and turn to socialists for such diseases. True, this version of the value conflict is still an extreme. In all other cases, at the initial stage of problems brewing, you need to try not to infringe on your partner’s values, and then the chance of not reaching a conflict is very, very high.

Material conflict. When society is so electrified and obsessed with material goods, any change in the financial condition of the family boat can capsize and sink it. And here there can be two options for the development of events. The first is a total lack of money in the family, which leads to endless reproaches to each other for their inability to earn or spend. And the second is a sudden significant increase in the family budget, and the spouse, who has achieved such success, decides to find himself a more suitable partner. This development of events can be avoided only if the partners manage to both take a significant position in all matters that relate to earning and spending money. And if it is possible to create a situation where the family budget will equally belong to both spouses, then a material conflict will not have a chance to destroy the family.

4. Family warnings conflicts

Prevention and resolution of family conflicts should be considered as the main activities for managing such conflicts. Often, when resolving family conflicts, they use the services of a mediator.

Prevention of family conflicts depends on all family members and, above all, on the spouses. It should be borne in mind that some minor family quarrels can have a positive direction, helping to reach agreement on controversial issues and preventing a larger conflict. But in most cases, family conflicts should not be allowed. The main ways to prevent family conflicts depend on the potential subjects of conflict interaction (spouse, parent, children, relatives, etc.). For each specific case, you can find useful advice in the recommended literature.

4.1 Ways to prevent family conflicts

Here we will name only the most general ways to prevent family conflicts, arising from the socio-psychological patterns of family development. These ways are:

* formation of psychological and pedagogical culture, knowledge of the basics of family relationships (primarily this applies to spouses);

* raising children taking into account their individual psychological and age characteristics, as well as emotional states;

* organizing a family on a full-fledged basis, forming family traditions, developing mutual assistance, mutual responsibility, trust and respect;

* formation of a culture of communication.

5. Methodsfamily conflict resolution

Conflicts have existed and will exist; they are an integral part of human relations. They arise due to differences between people, due to the fact that the actions, ideas, and feelings of each of us are not the same and sometimes come into conflict with each other.

Based on the work of David Johnson, we can propose one of the possible models of behavior for resolving a conflict situation.

The following factors play an important role in constructive conflict resolution:

Adequacy of conflict reflection.

Often in a situation of conflict, we incorrectly perceive our own actions, intentions and positions, as well as the actions, intentions and points of view of our opponent. Typical reflections of perception include:

Categorical - seeing the relationship with a spouse in “black and white colors”. If a problem is identified in some aspect of the marriage, you are inclined to believe that the marriage is doomed. And vice versa, if there is progress in any area of ​​the relationship, then you are completely calm about the marriage as a whole.

Pessimism - You notice and attach importance only to the negative aspects and ignore the positive aspects of your married life. Your forecasts for your future together are quite gloomy.

Subjectivism - you ignore what is completely understandable, focusing on “your own” facts. You are used to using your feelings as evidence of something.

Frivolity - You are sure that the problem does not exist or that individual facts that occur do not have any significance for your marriage.

Idealism - you have a romantic outlook on life. Your expectations for yourself, your partner, and your marriage in general are not realistic.

Unrealistic demands - You demand your spouse to be the way YOU want him to be. The most common words in your vocabulary are “should” and “must”.

Comfort orientation - You view marriage as a tool for satisfying only your needs and increasing the level of only your comfort.

Getting stuck - you become fixated on one, often negative, event and subsequently view your relationship with your spouse through the “prism” of this event.

Fatalism - You refuse to change anything in your marriage not because everything suits you, but because “nothing can be changed.” The principle “what will be will be.”

Conservatism - You view marriage as an established stereotype of relationships. External influences cause you anxiety. The thought that something needs to change is fear.

Sacrifice - You view marriage from the perspective of sacrifice and the need to constantly sacrifice something: to save the marriage, for the sake of someone or something. A classic example: for the sake of the children. The main mistake is that children, accepting your way of relationships, implement it in their families, dooming themselves to the same role of “victim” (the principle of negative programming).

In any conflict, both partners experience so-called mixed feelings. On the one hand, everyone feels hostility, anger or hatred towards the other, a desire for the opponent to give up his position, on the other hand, opponents have more benevolent feelings generated by the totality of previous relationships, as well as a desire for mutual understanding and agreement.

Knowing this, in a conflict situation you need to carefully analyze your feelings in specific cases.

Openness and efficiency of communication between conflicting parties;

This is the main condition for constructive conflict resolution. In this regard, sometimes it makes sense at the very beginning of a conflict to take a risk and express to each other as fully as possible, even in a harsh form, what you feel.
At this very moment there is no point in trying to decide something; the main thing is not to offend or humiliate your partner.

Mutual expression of feelings can help create the conditions for using communication to constructively exchange ideas. And also, you should avoid threats, lies, attempts to manipulate your partner, because these actions are dictated by the desire to get the upper hand over the enemy, and not to achieve mutual agreement.

Creating a climate of mutual trust and cooperation.

The conflict is resolved more effectively if both parties are interested in achieving some common result that encourages cooperation.

5.1 Odefining the essence of the conflict.

The more precise the definition of the essential elements of a conflict, the easier it is to find means for effective behavior. Consistent behavior aimed at overcoming the conflict as a whole involves several stages:

a) identification of the main problem;

b) determining the cause of the conflict;

c) searching for possible ways to resolve the conflict;

d) joint decision to exit the conflict;

e) implementation of the planned joint method of resolving the conflict;

f) assessing the effectiveness of efforts made to resolve the conflict.

- Conclusion -

Conflicts are an inexhaustible object of knowledge about which absolutely everything cannot be learned. In connection with this, the subject of conflictology is those patterns, aspects, characteristics of conflicts that science is able to study at this stage of its development. The object of conflictology is a much more conservative education compared to the subject. An object can change as a result of its own development, in addition, its boundaries can be clarified in connection with a deeper penetration of science into the essence of the phenomena under study. The objects of conflictology - social or intrapersonal - are unlikely to undergo significant changes in the foreseeable future.

Listusedliterature

1. Antsupov A.Ya., Shipilov A.I. Conflictology. - M.: UNITY, 2004.

2. Grishina N.V. Psychology of conflict 2nd ed. - St. Petersburg, 2008.

3. Druzhinin V.N. Family psychology. - M.:KSP, 3rd ed. 2008.

4. Emelyanov S.M. Workshop on conflict management. 3rd ed., rev. and additional - St. Petersburg, 2009.

5. Zerkin D.P. Fundamentals of conflictology: a course of lectures. Rostov n/d., 2000.

6. Textbook. 2nd ed. Conflictology/Ed. A.S. Carmina. - St. Petersburg: Lan, 2000.

7.Kozrev G.I. - Introduction to conflictology: textbook. - .: Vlados, 2001.

8. Psychology. Textbook/Ed. A.A. Krylova - M.: Prosᴨȇkt, 2nd edition - 2003.

There are three main ways to develop and overcome family conflicts.

Firstly, the aggravation of the conflict situation, its destructive dynamics, leading to the destruction of the marriage.
Secondly, the permanent, current state of family conflict.
Thirdly, successful, constructive overcoming of a conflict situation is a “win/win” strategy as completely ethical and at the same time effective.

The most common methods in the system of relations are:
In the structure of family relations, two levels (strategies) can be distinguished: competition - taking into account only one's own interests and cooperation - mutual consideration of the interests of family members. Based on the location of the most typical methods of conflict behavior in relation to these two levels, each of them can be briefly characterized.

Confrontation is characterized by a fairly high level of rivalry and a low level of cooperation. This option for solving a conflict situation is characterized by the unwillingness of the spouses to take into account the position of each of them. This situation leads to the accumulation of irritation, personal insults, threats, and sometimes assault.

Compromise is characterized by an average level of cooperation and competition in family relationships. This is a rather precarious balance that is constantly being upset.

Evasion (avoidance) - low level of cooperation and low level of competition, problems of family life are not resolved, but accumulate, which greatly complicates their resolution. In general, this technique cannot be considered correct, since the denouement is only delayed, and the conflict remains, however, there is time to think about the situation that has arisen, the reasons for the disagreements and the final decision-making.

Adaptation - a fairly high level of cooperation, but at the same time a fairly low level of competition; unilateral concessions cannot last long. This outcome of the conflict is characterized by the volitional imposition of such a way out of the conflict situation, which suits only one of the family members (very often the initiator of the conflict) and the adaptation of the other. Such an authoritarian technique has the most unfavorable consequences: the rights of one of the partners and his dignity are infringed, external well-being is achieved, but in reality a crisis can occur at any moment.

The predominance of these methods of conflict behavior in family relationships on the part of one or both spouses leads to the resolution of the conflict according to the scheme either “lose-win” or “lose-lose”, loss of flexibility, aggravation and even rupture of family relationships.

In turn, when resolving family conflicts, it is necessary to strive to implement a “win-win” scheme. There should be no losing parties in family relationships.

X. Cornelius and S. Fair identified 4 sequential steps to implement this scheme in resolving family conflicts
The 1st step is to establish what need is behind the desires of the other party;
Step 2 is to find out where differences cancel each other out;
Step 3 - develop new solutions that best meet everyone's needs;
The 4th step is to do it together, clearly showing that those in conflict are partners, not opponents.

Compromise is characterized by an average level of cooperation and competition in family relationships. This is a rather precarious balance that is constantly being disturbed. A compromise option for ending family conflicts is the most acceptable. It is characterized by the search for the most convenient and fair solution for the participants in a family conflict, equality of rights and responsibilities, frankness of demands, and mutual concessions.

It is necessary to highlight the most Typical methods for resolving family conflicts:
- explanation (a calm conversation about the current situation in a correct form, clarifying the causes of the problems and ways to overcome them);
- any abstinence from conflict situations;
- smoothing (allows you to relieve tension and achieve normal relationships);
- adequate response to any family problem with a simultaneous tendency to learn from the mistakes of others;
- intuitive (not systematic) mutual concession (compliance of spouses in complex and simple situations of family life).

Family conflict resolution tactics usually involve:
- maintaining a sense of personal dignity. In old Russian intelligent families there was a custom: during quarrels and conflicts, spouses switched from the related “you” to the coldly official “you”. Such a transition allowed one to maintain self-esteem and did not humiliate the dignity of another person;
- constant demonstration of mutual respect and appreciation;
- the desire to evoke excitement and enthusiasm in the other spouse, restraining manifestations of irritability, malice, anger;
- do not focus on your partner’s mistakes and miscalculations;
- do not blame the past at all, including for mistakes made;
- relieving or inhibiting growing mental tension using various techniques;
- resolving an emerging conflict by diverting to other safe topics, switching attention to other less conflicting problems;
- extinguish suspicions of your partner’s infidelity, his betrayal, restrain yourself from self-accusation, jealousy, suspiciousness;
- understanding that in marriage and family life in general, great patience, forbearance, goodwill, attention and other positive qualities are needed.

With rational behavior of spouses, family conflict is a normal component of the healthy course of their lives, which plays a constructive role.

Of particular interest is the view of specialists in the field of conflict resolution H. Cornelius and S. Fair, who described the possible consequences and built the corresponding chains of consequences.

Conflict driven inside has a destructive effect on the mental state and physical health of family members. A conflict orientation, lack of a culture of compromise, and a negative set of circumstances can take the process out of control and give it a destructive character.

The choice of one or another path for developing a conflict largely depends on the psychological culture of the spouses, their ability to understand their difficulties, including psychological ones.

Compliance with the following conditions helps relieve tension and find the optimal solution: resolving family conflict:
- narrowing the scope of the dispute to a minimum;
- management of negative emotions;
- the desire and ability to understand each other’s position;
- awareness that in a quarrel there are almost always no rightists;
- the ability and desire to resolve conflicts from a position of kindness;
- inadmissibility of sticking “labels” on each other;
- use of humor and jokes;
- understanding the meaning of disputes, clashes, quarrels, the desire for unity among members of the family system.

In the psychology of family relationships, simple practical principles for resolving family conflicts have taken shape:
- do not grumble about or without reason;
- do not try to immediately re-educate others, since any person has the right to defend his individuality;
- do not get carried away by criticizing each other;
- sincerely admire the worthy qualities of your partner, child;
- pay constant attention to loved ones, relatives and people around you in general;
- be extremely polite to others with the right to expect politeness from him.

The following are distinguished: types of psychological assistance in resolving family conflicts:
- Self-help;
- Specialized assistance to families;
- Joint family assistance.

When considering psychological help, it should be borne in mind that no one, except the spouses themselves or specialists, should take part in solving seminal problems,
The participation of third parties, as a rule, leads to negative consequences, aggravates family problems, and contributes to unconscious or biased acceptance of one party in the conflict - one of the family partners. This is explained, first of all, by increased emotional involvement, interest in the process of communication with family of friends and relatives, which can lead to the activation of destructive protective mechanisms of the family - projection, displacement, projective identification, etc.

When choosing a particular type of psychological assistance, it is necessary to take into account a number of factors:
- type of family problems (signs, duration, dynamics, main causes);
- personal properties (personality type, predisposition to family problems, age characteristics, current mental state);
- conditions for providing psychological assistance (time, place, readiness for work communication, specialist’s employment);
- the nature of the professional activities of the spouses;
- features of the family situation (personal characteristics of the spouse, the degree of her participation in the provision of family assistance, the nature of the marital relationship, etc.).

Self-help is the provision of help by any adult family member (husband, wife, child in adolescence and older age) to himself using psychological methods and means in order to achieve mental health, his own personal maturity and successful harmonious relationships in the family.

Joint family assistance is considered as a type of psychological assistance, in the process of which, together with the spouse, family problems are overcome using accessible psychological forms and methods that are understandable to both, in compliance with the necessary rules of mature family life.

The main conditions for this type of assistance are mutual desires to solve family problems, effective participation, activity, correctness and the desire of spouses for the maximum mutually beneficial compromise.

The main way of joint family assistance is the mutual satisfaction of the key husband and wife.

An important role in regulating family relationships is played by free discussions between spouses in the form of an open, sincere, trusting, empathetic and safe dialogue about family problems. About what is important and unimportant in the family, about the roles of men and women, about the system of value and role ideas, about the acceptance of values, bringing together views, about understanding in general, about family leadership style and methods, etc. For these purposes, for example, the “family thermometer” technique of V. Satir can be used. It involves the creation of an emotional and psychological atmosphere in which substantive problems are honestly discussed, and each family member experiences psychological readiness for a sincere conversation. The main topics for discussion in accordance with this methodology may be:
- understanding - initiating a feeling of mutual appreciation in the family;
- complaints - a negative manifestation of concern, anxiety, etc., accompanied by specific suggestions about what needs to be changed; involving other family members in solving problems;
- difficulties (misunderstanding of what was said) - formation of a correct perception of each other by family members in the interests of achieving family success;
- new information - reproduction and discussion of new information that fits into the family structure;
- hopes and desires - mutual exchange of their dreams, desires with the hope that loving members will help each other.

An important role in preventing family conflicts is played by the organization of joint active recreation and leisure activities. They are aimed at consciously bringing together and uniting the family. This refers to the organization of both cultural and recreational recreation. Creating and maintaining family traditions with holidays, surprises, gifts. Joint visits to the cinema, theaters, museums, exhibitions, trips to nature, travel, respect for the favorite activities of each family member. In particular, psychological attitudes have a beneficial effect on the formation of a healthy lifestyle by each spouse and the family as a whole (dousing, accustoming to cold, food hygiene, body care, gymnastics, walking, eliminating a sedentary lifestyle, overcoming negative habits, engaging in various activities sports).

Family councils can provide significant assistance to newlyweds - an original form of group management of family affairs, including children and other relatives living together with the nuclear family. This is a specific system for planning various family issues and overcoming family problems in an open, comprehensive, comparison of the positions of all members of the family system. The algorithm for reaching an agreement between spouses and other family members at a family council includes:
- the topic is proposed;
- agree on deadlines;
- be sure to summarize;
- set achievable goals and discuss them with all representatives of the system.

Such a form of mutual assistance can also be used as joint discussion by spouses of special literature (scientific, popular science, fiction) on family psychology, sexology, family conflictology, love, and improving the general culture of spouses and children, their ideas about beauty, kindness, harmony, interpersonal relationships.

As a last resort, the “artificial divorce” technique can be used. It involves conscious separation, divergence for a certain time in communication, living, and spending free time, including through the organization of alternative recreation outside the family. This creates the prerequisites for understanding the current family situation, family problem, the true relationship of spouses and children to each other.

The technique of “constructive quarrels” is similar to it. Its authors, psychologists Ian Gottlieb and Catherine Colby, suggest quarreling constructively. In this case there is no need:
- apologize ahead of time;
- avoid a dispute, engage in sabotage or induce silence;
- use knowledge of a partner’s intimate sphere for bullying;
- attract questions that are not relevant to the case;
- feign agreement, developing resentment;
- explain to another his feelings;
- attack indirectly, criticizing someone or something of value to a partner;
- “undermining” another, threatening disaster, increasing his suspiciousness and uncertainty.

The implementation of this technique requires compliance with the following basic conditions:
- quarrel in private, without children;
- clearly formulate a family problem and be able to repeat the partner’s arguments in your own way;
- reveal your positive and negative feelings;
- listen readily and attentively to feedback on your behavior;
- find out the similarities and differences between each other and what is most significant for each partner in the family;
- ask questions that help your partner select the necessary words to express their own interests;
- wait until spontaneous emotions subside on their own;
- put forward positive proposals for mutual Change.

According to the American psychologist E. Shostrom, During a family conflict, constructive methods of struggle should be used:
- planning the fight for a specially designated convenient WWII area, so as not to drag innocent people around into the fight,
- the desire to fully express your feelings, both positive and negative. Don't leave anything for later.
- repeating each of your opponent’s arguments in your own sheaves, so that you can feel his problem yourself and so that he can hear his claims from the outside;
- clear definition of the subject of the struggle;
- finding out where and in what ways points of view diverge, and where and in what ways they coincide;
- clarification of how deeply everyone feels their “battle” in the struggle. This will help you understand where you can give in;
- extreme correctness, when criticizing your partner, be sure to supplement your criticism with constructive positive suggestions;
- determining how each of you can help the other in solving the problem;
- assessing the progress of the struggle, comparing the new knowledge that you acquired because of it with the wounds that it inflicted on you. The winner, of course, is the one whose losses are significantly less than new injuries,
- announcing breaks in the fight and filling them with something very pleasant for you. Warm skin-to-skin contact, good sex, etc. will do.
- readiness for a new stage of struggle - intimate struggle is more or less continuous. It is paradoxical, but it is a fact that if it is expected and treated as the norm, this struggle proceeds faster, more harmlessly, with fewer victims.

Preventing conflicts and reducing their level is facilitated by such techniques as the conscious inclusion of “third parties” into the family system - the birth of children, including the second and third child (when the generative ability of the husband and wife is in its prime), or the entry of psychologically acceptable, comfortable and mature in relationships between relatives. However, this method can also lead to the opposite effect. You need to be extremely careful with its implementation, especially if it concerns the birth of another child, and the appropriate material conditions have not been created for this.

In a number of cases, simple confidential communication between spouses turns out to be quite effective, during which acceptable methods of mutual communication are developed, and an understanding of the causes of negative habits and the fact that they pose a danger to the very existence of the marriage comes. In this case, the mutual efforts of the spouses should be aimed at developing a style of tolerance, goodwill, politeness towards other family members, compassion, correctness in cases of divergence of opinions, emphasizing each other’s merits and every desire for mutual attraction on controversial issues.

Spouses need not only knowledge of fighting techniques, but also mastery of the art of negotiation and techniques for building long-term relationships. This once again emphasizes the fact that in all methods of joint family psychological assistance, the dominant position is occupied by the problem of developing a unique verbal and non-verbal style of communication, the ability to talk to each other and hear each other. At the same time, firstly, there is a real opportunity to be understood and a desire to share your experiences with a loved one, and secondly, when a partner talks about his experiences, expresses them in words, he himself begins to better understand and evaluate himself.

The art of negotiating between spouses involves:
- expression of empathy;
- self-care;
- the opportunity to let someone else win;
- thoughts about the future;
- avoiding doing several things at once;
- completion of the process;
- keeping your problems in mind;
- saying something pleasant, kind;
- attempts to avoid competition;
- excluding the isolation of any of the partners;
- showing your interest; maintaining objectivity;
- listening carefully to others;
- elimination of complexity (striving for simplicity);
- ability to avoid feelings of guilt;
- manifestation of openness.

Due to the danger to family relationships, the situation caused by the betrayal of one of the spouses deserves special attention. In order to preserve married life in the event of infidelity and prevent family breakdown, one should act in accordance with W. Harley’s “6-step” method.

Step 1. First of all, ask yourself the question: “Do I want to save the marriage?” Withstand the family storm, do not give in to the temptation to blame the other side for everything, accept the thesis that the cheating spouse is not the only one to blame for everything.
Step 2. Do not put off solving problems for the future if you find out about cheating. If you want to connect again, you need to take certain actions. For example, a wife should take a firmer, independent position, perhaps separating from her husband for a while until the spouses resolve the conflict situation. The main thing is to demonstrate to the cheating spouse your intransigence towards betrayal for a certain period.
Step 3. Find a good family counselor who specializes in family problems. Most likely, you will not be able to end the betrayal on your own and quickly resolve the situation; you need an explanation from a specialist arbitrator.
Step 4. Spouses make sincere efforts to change their behavior for the better.
Step 5. You must realize that restoring the relationship will not be easy and will require great mental effort. This is a long and difficult process. It is noteworthy that, for example, after the return of a cheating wife to the family, the former lover may not tempt her if the husband satisfies her.
Step 6. Marriage and love can become stronger if spouses take full control of themselves and their subsequent actions.
Having endured the worst, spouses will feel the improvement of their relationship, not destruction. It is possible to discover new love feelings.

The core of any joint family psychological assistance is the work of spouses to develop the practice of love, prevent and overcome difficulties.

Spouses should consider the following tips regarding intimate relationships:
- close relationships involve two people who must be responsible for their actions;
- there are no easy intimate relationships; they are part of the context of interpersonal interaction;
- opposites in the psychosexual, and not just the biological sense, attract;
- the choice of a partner always has conscious and unconscious reasons;
- close relationships require constant development and learning.

Of particular interest from the point of view of solving psychosexual family problems are the recommendations of the representative of humanistic psychoanalysis “The Art of Loving”:
1. The requirement of discipline in the practice of the art of love, masterful execution of love relationships.
2. Concentration in love on the love object, love-sexual actions.
3. Patience in order to master the art of love and achieve harmony in the intimate sphere.
4. Sincere interest in acquiring the mastery of love, loving interaction.
5. The most important thing is learning how to be alone with yourself, without reading, watching TV, listening to music, smoking, etc. And at the same time not experience tension, anxiety, or anxiety.
6. The ability to listen, to live completely in the present, here and now; not to think about how to carry out the upcoming task when you need to do something right now.
7. Develop humility, objectivity, and intelligence in spouses.
8. The requirement of faith as the most important condition for any friendship, love, intimate relationships between partners. One must distinguish between rational and irrational faith. Rational faith is a belief that has its source in one's own feelings, thoughts and experiences. Irrational faith refers to faith based on submission to irrational authority.
9. Activity towards the beloved spouse as internal mobility, conscious use of one’s strengths, constant self-awareness, vigor, activity. (“If I love, then I am in a state of constant active interest in my loved one”).

I. Kon gives similar rules for overcoming psychosexual disharmony in his book “The Taste of the Forbidden Fruit.”

Successfully anticipating, overcoming and resolving conflicts in the reproductive-educational sphere (differences in views of spouses on raising children) allows compliance with the BASIC principles of the relationship between parents and children, formulated by Professor Yu.P. Azarov (Russia) in his democratic military model.
1. Truth, conscience, repentance, honesty and decency, multiplied by work, are the main educators of a child’s personality,
2. A harmonious combination of the system of rewards and punishments by BOC feeders in the family. At the same time, you cannot isolate yourself ONLY in the requirements; you must constantly think about the protection of children
3. Moderation of control in education and avoidance of physical punishment, insults, or rudeness under any circumstances. We must remember that permissiveness (lack of control over the child’s behavior) and too harsh punishments contribute to increasing the child’s aggressiveness and asociality.
4. The predominance in raising children of love, eternal human values: kindness, freedom, desire for independence, trust, respect for the dignity of the individual, respect for democracy, humanism in interpersonal relationships. Only a loving person can educate another.
5. Preservation and development in the child of the best that is in him. We need to teach children to love themselves and their potential.
6. High demands and respect for the child and his interests. The point is to instill in children's souls the need for true happiness.
7. Creation of favorable pedagogical conditions, when there is an opportunity for the child and all family members to strive for aesthetic pleasure, pleasure and satisfaction of their needs.

The problems that arise in so-called “mixed” families deserve special attention, i.e. resulting from the remarriage of one or both spouses. Psychologists J. Lafas, D. Sova, in order to reduce the level of conflict, recommend the following rules for the cohabitation of such families:
1. Realize that a remarriage is not able to function like the original family.
2. Remember that former parents do not exist, but only former spouses (if there are children in the first marriage).
3. Realize the real fact that the children you are raising are not yours and they cannot perceive you as their parent.
4. Be prepared for conflict due to contradictions between your sexual and parental affections.
5. Take into account that devoting all your mental and physical strength only to parental responsibilities is not the best way to solve family problems.
6. Consider that the responsibilities for developing rules and norms of behavior in the family lie with both partners.
7. It is advisable for each family member, including children, to determine his duties and the extent of responsibility for family life.
8. Keep in mind that hopes and expectations, devoid of a real basis, only give rise to active rejection of your plans and deep disappointments.
9. You must recognize at a very early stage in your marital relationship the possibility of conflict arising based on the child's established allegiance to the absent parent.
10. Keep your sense of humor and use it more often in your new family.

Specialized psychological assistance is assistance to one family member or the family as a whole by specialists - a family psychologist, psychotherapist, psychiatrist, psychologist who have undergone special training in the field of family psychology, psychotherapy, etc.

Family psychological education means a two-way process, the input of which is achieved: the dissemination of knowledge by specialists and the achievement of clarity, calmness in the thoughts, consciousness and feelings of family members in the field of family psychology, family problems; ensuring the impact of these phenomena on mental health; the use of psychological methods to overcome personal and family difficulties.

Family psychodiagnostics means a type of psychological assistance that is aimed at recognizing and assessing the socio-psychological phenomena of the family, the personal characteristics of its members, as well as identifying various types of family problems.

Family psychological counseling involves helping to understand a family problem, its main causes and finding ways to overcome it, as well as making decisions on difficult issues of family life.

Family is focused on changing the processes of psychological nature - relationships in the family, personal distortions of its members, mutual satisfaction of needs
each of them and is based on the application of psychological patterns of communication and processes of the subconscious and personality.

It is worthwhile to dwell separately on such a radical method of resolving marital conflicts as divorce.

Divorce is understood as the dissolution of a legal marriage during the lifetime of both spouses, giving them the freedom to enter into a new marriage.

According to psychologists, it is preceded by a process consisting of three stages:
1) emotional divorce, expressed in alienation, indifference of spouses to each other, loss of trust and love;
2) physical divorce resulting in separation;
3) legal.

For many, divorce brings relief from hostility, deception, and the things that have darkened their lives. But it also has negative consequences. They are different for those divorcing, children and society. The most vulnerable in a divorce is a woman who usually leaves behind children.

To summarize the consideration of this topic, it should be emphasized that one of the most important conditions for the successful completion of a conflict between loving spouses is not to strive for victory at any cost. Victory due to the defeat of a loved one can hardly be called an achievement. It is important to respect the other, no matter what guilt lies on him. You need to be able to honestly ask yourself, and most importantly, honestly answer yourself, what really worries you. When arguing your position, try not to show inappropriate maximalism and categoricalness. It is better to come to mutual understanding yourself and not drag others into your conflicts - parents, children, friends, neighbors and acquaintances. The well-being of the family depends only on the spouses themselves. We should remember the statement of the great writer L.N. Tolstoy: “All happy families are alike, each unhappy one is unhappy in its own way”

Not a single couple has yet managed to maintain a complete and eternal idyll in family life. Quarrels and conflicts periodically arise in absolutely all spouses. The causes of family conflicts can be very different. Let's look at why harmony in relationships cannot last forever and how to learn to avoid discord in the family.

Family conflicts

Causes of conflicts in the family

A family is built on patience and love and that’s a fact. Conflicts in the family and ways to resolve them are an eternal topic that requires special attention. The main reasons for quarrels in most cases are:

• Different worldview. Each person perceives the world around him in his own way. When a husband and wife do not want to hear each other’s opinions, conflicts arise.
• Lack of understanding. One of the main reasons why conflicts occur in families. For example, a wife accuses her other half of lack of attention to herself; she thinks that he is indifferent to her. However, in fact, it may well be that he is a calm person himself and the lack of any emotions is not due to the fact that he has lost interest in her.
• Excessive emotionality. Many couples have this problem. Often, discord in families arises due to the inability of one of the spouses to remain silent and stop in time. To avoid unpleasant moments, you need to learn to control your emotions.
• Household difficulties. The most common cause of many conflicts. All couples face it to one degree or another. This could be unwashed dishes, lack of money, unprepared dinner, etc.

Resolving family conflicts

Any quarrel must be settled. Under no circumstances should you accumulate negativity, otherwise sooner or later the family may reach a critical point.

Don't know how to resolve family conflict? Try using the method we suggested:

• First you need to admit that there is a conflict. If there is a problem, you definitely need to talk about it.
• Then the search for a way out of the current situation begins. At this stage, all family members should express how they see the solution to the problem. All ideas should be listened to calmly and without emotion. Everyone has the right to their opinion.
• Then the most difficult part begins - choosing the optimal solution for resolving conflict in the family. Here, all participants in the quarrel will have to compromise to one degree or another, because there is no ideal solution for everyone. We advise you to immediately indicate that this decision is correct today, but if it does not produce results, it can be changed.
• Now we determine who, how and when will implement the decision.
• After a certain time, we evaluate the result. If the problem remains, we return to the stage of finding a way out of the situation.

Conflicts in the family between parents and children deserve special attention. In order to avoid quarrels with your child, you need to pay more attention to him and learn to understand his individuality. Hearing each other is very important. When talking to your child, try to imagine that you are the same age, so that he feels you as his friend, who can be trusted with any secrets.

How to avoid conflicts in the family

Of course, no one can ever quarrel. But you can try to minimize the number of negative aspects that lead to discord in the family. Preventing family conflicts is a good way to avoid quarrels.

Let us note that people who live together for many years, whatever one may say, are still different personalities. It is impossible to adapt to each other all your life. And that's quite normal. Disagreements are inevitable for everyone. You can just learn to smooth them out.

To prevent unpleasant situations, discuss in a timely manner everything that worries you, and do not be left alone with your problems.

Never swear or sort things out in the presence of relatives, friends or strangers. All quarrels should be resolved only within the family.

Discord in the family, what to do? If you have a fight, under no circumstances allow insults and humiliation towards each other. Before blaming your significant other, think about the situation. Maybe everything is not as scary as it seems at first glance. Often we work ourselves up for no particular reason, and then we throw out all the negativity completely without reason.

Talk to each other heart to heart more often, find out what you like and what you don’t like. If there are too many complaints, perhaps you should take a break from each other and live apart. Sometimes this helps and relationships improve.

As for domestic quarrels, the best option here is a clear distribution of family responsibilities. It will be very good if you do some of them together. It always brings us closer together. Praise each other for work done around the house. If there are any shortcomings, be lenient, be less critical.