Leaving go? Do I need to be friends with the former. Friendship between ex-lovers - is it possible

There are many questions: how to open up to new feelings and is it possible to remain friends with a former partner? As for the friendship between the former, it will not always be easy, it may interfere with your personal life, but if you firmly decided that you want to try and establish friendships with your former lover - this is already half the success. We’ll talk about the remaining half today.

Friendship between ex: when to start?

I believe that no matter how strong the feelings and how painful the break would turn out to be, you should not rush and cross out from your life the person with whom you shared absolutely everything, along with which you developed, for which you were ready for any achievements. ending, it can turn into a warm friendship, which will please you more than once during your life. For most people, it is important to have a person in your life who knows you, accepts who you are, supports. Therefore, I advise you not to exclude friendship with the former from possible options for the development of events after parting.

However, it’s important to start this friendship choose the right moment: If you begin to actively interact in a friendly manner immediately after the breakup, you can get the opposite effect. Firstly, it is highly likely that you will "slip" into friendly sex. Secondly, until the feelings calmed down, the grievances were not forgotten, and the heart was not freed from love for the former partner, it is dangerous to start making friends - so you can’t stop loving him for a long time, and, accordingly, arrange your personal life. Thirdly, if one of the former partners begins a new relationship soon after the separation, for another it can be a blow, provoke insult, which will lead to a quarrel, reproaches, slander. So you can easily deprive yourself of the opportunity to be friends

When you should not be friends with former

1. If one of the parties still remained romantic feelingsfriendship will not be real and painful.

2. If you stayed mutual claims you need to either wait out or forget about friendship - because in this case it can turn into enmity.

3. If the relationship is fully have exhausted themselves, and lately you had nothing to talk about, you, at best, will create the illusion of friendship, which will not last long.

When you need to be friends with ex

There are situations when third parties depend on maintaining friendly relations between former lovers:

1. Having common children. A person's personality is formed in childhood, and psychological injuries sustained at a tender age remain for life. Raising a healthy and happy child is significant for friendship with a former partner.

2. General close circle - friends, relatives, colleagues. Arguing or ignoring each other, you and your ex-lover will not only become unbearable in any company, but also put your loved ones in a difficult position, because they will have to choose which side to be on.

3. Joint business. If you can’t divide a joint business and continue to conduct it - a necessity, friendships is the only option. If you neglect it, there is a high probability of losing everything acquired.

How to stay friends with a former partner

First use " 6 month rule"- within six months, agree to avoid meeting with each other and with friends, relatives of the partner. These months are the necessary period when both of you will be able to realize and accept what has happened, perhaps move on and begin to arrange your personal life.

Secondly, do not ask questions about the former to your mutual friends and acquaintances, do not criticize or idealize it out loud, or rather, do not talk about it at all - take a break from emotions and get used to the idea of \u200b\u200blife without it.

Thirdly, when you feel that you are ready, get in touch and arrange with your former partner trial meeting - most likely, during it it will become clear whether you can be friends or whether the best option is to stop trying to communicate. If everything goes well, believe me, you will make a wonderful friend.

Relationships are strife relations. There are times when the breakup is so painful that the Friendship option is like a stab in the back. When people disperse more or less peacefully, then subsequently friendly friendships may develop. But is it worth it to maintain this relationship? We will analyze together.

It is difficult to call friendship what develops between former lovers. Most likely, the two will behave as acquaintances who have a clear framework of what is permitted in communication. By the way, many do not understand the mechanism of such communication. Only in the event that they dispersed, then there was no common language, love? And if they communicate, then, therefore, they are interested together and love has not passed yet. The essence of communication with the former is really difficult to understand. Until you come across this live in the case of someone close or by example. Then another facet of human relations opens up - friendship with the former.

There are two so-called Species of the former. The first is former husbands and wives, lovers and mistresses who do not have common children. The second - former spouses with common children. These are different types of relationships and, therefore, the approach to the topic of continuing communication is also different.
Relations without consequences.

In the first case, both need to decide whether they want to stay in touch. Many people think this: since leaving, then not looking back. And it is right. There is, however, one “but.” It is better to leave without mutual insults, sincerely forgiving your former soul mate. Otherwise, releasing the relationship into the past will fail. It may happen that resentments from past relationships will be transferred to the present with a new person. Below we dwell on the topic of resentment, which is closely related to parting and further relations with the former.

But there are people who are forced or want to continue to communicate. They can be connected by the presence of common hobbies, interests, friends, work, one entrance, finally. Of course, if the relationship was upset, and you still have to communicate, it would be better if the meetings were more or less neutral. It is not necessary to be friends, but to say hello, to participate in events together is worth it if it does not burden and does not cause mental pain.

Sometimes one of the former lovers wants to communicate, hoping for the possibility of revenge. Here you need to be careful. It is better not to remain alone and not to provoke each other subconsciously, it can end in spontaneous sex, after which feelings are most unpleasant - from disgust to hatred.
Offended are not happy.

Resentment is an unsatisfied expectation of something from another. In other words, a person hopes that his desire will be fulfilled. Failure to fulfill this desire causes frustration (a negative state of vain expectations when reality does not coincide with desires), which transforms into a feeling of resentment, aggression, depression, depression, neurosis.

To forgive, you need to understand that resentment is not someone's fault before you. Resentment is your personal feeling, because vain expectations are nothing but an erroneous opinion. It must be accepted, yes, it happened, yes offended or offended. But the time has come to forgive so as not to bear the same futility of hopes for a new relationship. There are many techniques that help deal with resentment and their main goal is to help forgive the offender.

The techniques are different, but the point of each is to teach a person to take responsibility for their feelings (they didn’t offend me, but I was offended), live them and let them go. And only after the offense is over comes the time for forgiveness. Forgiveness is also a great spiritual work, but it is thanks to forgiveness that you can easily and naturally learn to communicate with a former lover or lover, build relationships with new people on a new, higher level.
Thus, if there are children.

In the second case, the situation is different. The marriage has broken up, but communication is worth continuing. The man and woman have already become parents. Children need a father and mother. Therefore, maximum efforts must be made to maintain a connection between the child and the departed parent. And such a connection, if you want to - do not want to, forces you to communicate between former spouses. They need to talk together about many aspects of raising and providing children. And in this case, if it was not possible to save the family, it is worth trying to establish calm partnerships between parents. Grievances also need to be tried to make out so that they do not interfere with raising happy, unburdened by parental fights, children.
Jealousy.

After parting, someone usually finds a new love for himself, a new round of relationships begins. And here you need to remember one important point. Only if the current partner is jealous of the past, it is not necessary to stop communication forever. Jealousy of distrust speaks. While he is not between the lovers, it is better to temporarily postpone friendly conversations with the former, otherwise they simply will not understand you. In the meantime, it is worth taking up the strengthening of the new alliance.

By the way, men rarely know how to make friends with former companions. Some people, thanks to continued communication, begin to hope for the opportunity to start all over again. And the current satellite at the same subconscious level feels danger, and therefore is jealous. Such an unhealthy atmosphere needs to be eliminated.

Those who communicate with former spouses will have a completely different conversation, because they have common children. In this case, it is worth talking a lot and a long time with someone who is next to you now. It is necessary to explain that it is impossible to erase the old life, if only for the reason that you love your children and do not want them to be, attention, with only one of the parents. And since children need to be raised in more or less equal directions, then you have to communicate with your former spouse or spouse.

Summing up, we note that the desire to maintain friendship with the former should be mutual. If someone does not want this, you need to give in and part with dignity. Since relations are broken, then you should not try to build them in a new way without a joint desire for this.

But if the former still managed to disperse peacefully, while remaining good friends, this indicates the maturity and self-sufficiency of both.

Whether to continue communication with the ex-husband or completely delete him from life - each woman should solve this issue independently. First of all, it depends on what feelings this person evokes in her. They are very subjective, it is sometimes difficult to explain to others, and is it necessary? In the end, family matters are decided only by the husband and wife, even if they break up.
Nevertheless, one can trace several typical situations in which it is worth continuing to communicate with the ex-spouse or, on the contrary, not to do this in any case.

When to Continue Communication

The first and most compelling reason to continue communicating with your ex-husband is common children. Both parents are valuable for a child; he needs both father and mother. And parents must educate him, bear responsibility for his life, health and development equally, regardless of whether they live together or separately.

Even if, after the divorce, the spouses think that they have become completely strangers, they will have to jointly resolve issues related to the upbringing, education, and financial support of the child. And if they learn to do it calmly, in a businesslike way, without quarrels and scandals - they will win, and, most importantly, their children.

It also happens that people break up, but continue to be friends. Yes, the family did not work, and there can be as many reasons as possible. But the attitude of the ex-husband and wife to each other remains generally positive. Why not continue the conversation, not as spouses, but as friends or good acquaintances? After all, the years lived together brought the two people together, why break this connection to the end?

When to stop chatting

And yet, often when getting divorced, the spouses no longer want to have anything in common with each other. Most often this happens in the following three situations.

If a man left his family, and a woman continues to love him and suffers from it, then it is probably better not to torment yourself and stop communication, at least temporarily. It’s not worth to stir up a fresh wound and live in memories and regrets. The fewer reasons for a woman to remember a tragedy in a new life, the easier it will be able to regain strength and live on.

If there is a strong resentment, anger at the ex-husband, communication should also be minimized, at least for the period until the passions subside. Perhaps, having calmed down, the couple will be able to more constructively resolve property, financial and other issues related to divorce. Even if a trial is pending, it is better if it takes place in a relaxed business atmosphere.

And the main reason to end any relationship with an ex-husband is if he has done something that is not compatible with the image of a person in the mind of a woman. And let others think that this action can be forgiven, the behavior of the spouse can be justified. If a woman cannot do this internally, further communication with her ex-husband becomes impossible and even dangerous for her. It is able to disturb her peace of mind, and in some cases it can actually pose a threat to the life and well-being of her and her children.

Is it possible to be friends with the former. Friendship with ex as a sign of mental illness

As a rule, when parting with our former lovers, we vow ourselves to stay in good relations, keep in touch, not get lost, come to the rescue, and indeed in case of a breakdown, unless of course this is a scandal accompanied by beating dishes and things thrown from the balcony, we honestly we’re going to remain friends and ... stop communicating at all. It turns out to break off relationships, get lost, even with the warmest feelings for each other, this is normal. We already said everything, found out everything and literally in a few moments became strangers to each other. Not so long ago, scientists at the New Zealand Clinical Center said that only people with mental problems support friendship with former lovers. The study scientists involved 850 volunteers. Specialists asked them a series of detailed questions about their previous relationships. In particular, the respondents had to talk about the reasons for the breakup and about contacts with the former partner after the breakup. Having thoroughly studied the behavior of each of the respondents, experts found out that only people suffering from various kinds of mental disorders support warm, friendly relations with ex-partners.

Friendship with ex man

When people break up, this is usually accompanied by the phrase "let's stay friends." But is it possible?

If you have been dating for a long time, then, of course, this person has become close and dear. But you need to be aware of whether you are ready to let him go. After all, each of you will sooner or later have a new relationship. Are you ready to watch him hug the other?

Psychologists say with confidence that friendships between once loving people are impossible. Firstly, due to the fact that someone initiated the separation, and the second side continues to love and suffer. Secondly, after the end of the relationship, each of the couple has accumulated many grievances and complaints. Thirdly, if the separation was due to treason or betrayal, then anger and a thirst for revenge will overpower all the best intentions.

The chance to maintain friendship with the former is only for those girls whose feelings slowly faded away and eventually faded away. If the same thing happened with your partner, then you definitely have respect for each other. And this is a good foundation for further friendship.

If you still decided to make friends in the former, then do not forget that there is always a chance of relapse. You will communicate well, for a second it even seems that everything is better than before. And then suddenly a wild desire may be born to return everything back, to become a couple again, because you are so well together! And here you need to stop and exhale. Remember why you broke up. And do not forget that these problems have not disappeared. You simply do not return to them because you are no longer a couple.

Of course, all cases are individual. Surely, there are such girls who managed not to spoil the friendship with the former. But it is always better to leave the past in the past and give way to the future.

Breaking up a relationship is almost never easy. The affected party thinks: “This cannot be!” The search begins for ways to fix, revive, or fix the relationship. Many are looking for meetings with a partner, trying to discuss the chances of a reunion, appeal to past feelings and write messages on social networks. We take time, find out the relationship, but it only gets worse. The easiest way to deal with pain is to reduce communication with your former partner to nothing.

We create the illusion of a former life, but we do not live

This advice is hard to follow. We invent new reasons for meetings - for example, we offer to return forgotten things, we call and we are interested in the health of former relatives and we congratulate you on the holidays. So we create the illusion of a former life, but we do not live.

The only good reason for continuing communication is with common children. In the event of a divorce, we continue to share the concerns associated with their upbringing. We have to meet and talk on the phone. But in this case, we must try to minimize communication and talk only about children.

Here are four reasons to interrupt communication.

1. Continuing to chat with your ex, you cannot be healed

Ending a relationship is a painful process, but the pain cannot last forever. You will be sad, angry, offended that life is unfair. These feelings are natural, they are an integral part of the recovery process, but gradually you will accept what happened.

By continuing to communicate with your former partner, you interfere with the recovery process, preferring a destructive strategy of denying the obvious. To open up a new life and confidently plan the future, it is necessary to fully accept the fact that the relationship has ended. Recognizing the separation, you will feel relief, and your life will be calmer.

2. You are depriving yourself of energy

While you are directing energy to communication with a partner, you do not have enough strength for joy, communication with children, hobbies and new relationships.

3. You live in a fictional world

The relationship is over. All that you think of them is an illusion. The relationship with the partner will never be the same, and the fact that you continue it means that you live in your own alternative reality, where you are happy together. You tend to meet, however, communicating in the real world, you feel disappointed. As long as you live in a fictional world, you are depriving yourself of a real life.

4. You make the same mistakes again

Those who cannot accept the gap tend to blame themselves. They do not believe that parting can be a chance for personal growth. They scold themselves, instead of leaving the relationship in the past and living on, trying not to repeat the mistakes made.

If you cannot accept the gap, your life turns into a groundhog day. Every day you wake up with the same fears, disappointments and accusations against you. You are stuck in a non-existent relationship: you cannot be with your former partner, but you cannot even budge. As soon as you let go of past relationships, you will feel freedom and independence from yesterday’s insults and regrets.

Friendship between former lovers. The benefits of friendship between ex

The friendship between former lovers can be quite sincere if you forgive all the mistakes and bury the ax of war. If you want to be friends with former love, you can even find some advantages of such relationships:

Intimacy and understanding. During the time that you were together, you could perfectly study the partner’s habits, his views on many things, and accept some shortcomings. Former love will be especially perceptive to your mental suffering, so you can safely call him in the middle of the night and speak out from the heart, having received good support.
Request for advice. If you are completely confused and cannot find a way out of this or that situation, your former partner will absolutely be able to give you good advice, because he perfectly understands what to expect from you.
Intimate relationship. If after breaking up you cannot find your new love, you can sometimes have sexual intercourse with your former lover, because he has studied your body perfectly and knows all the sensual points. The main thing is not to cross the line, because often couples begin to take a step towards a truce after such tempting and piquant meetings.

“Let's stay friends!” - you can often hear from the lips of a guy or girl who came to the fact of parting. Your relationship has come to naught, but former love managed to become a loved one who does not want to lose. She knows you well, and you are used to sharing secrets with her or asking her for advice. Isn't that a relationship of friends? So many people think. But this is simply the most peaceful way of breaking up, they usually ask to remain friends out of politeness so as not to offend another person. It will most likely not be friendship, you will remain ordinary acquaintances. Although even after the most violent parting with screams and quarrels, you will still remain familiar, whatever one may say.

Therefore, it is important to understand two things. First, what is friendship between a man and a woman? Second - why do you need it? It is worth honestly answering these questions.

The friendship between a man and a woman implies that you will continue to share secrets, joys with each other, ask and give advice. It seems to be a good deal, but only at first glance. Also, if an ex-girlfriend gets married, you will have to be happy for her. Are you ready for this? It is worth considering carefully, weighing all the pros and cons of such a friendship. After all, there are tricks here.

Again and again

If you do not put an end to the relationship, and continue communication as if nothing had happened, then there is always a high probability of renewing them again. Indeed, it is much easier to continue what has already been started than to build something new. But it’s worth remembering that you didn’t just break up and for sure these same problems will come up again, which again leads to a painful break.

Old wounds

It is very difficult to heal the wounds after parting, if your former partner will always be somewhere nearby. With his presence, he will remind you not only of the good things you had in your relationship, but also of the reasons for the breakup. You will experience the same emotions in a circle, think whether you were in a hurry with the decision to end the relationship. This is extremely unfavorable for mental balance and prevents living on.

Spare Option

It can be very convenient to maintain friendly relations with a former partner if you consider him as a fallback. You can meet someone else, but be sure that if something goes wrong, you can always return to the former. This does not allow you to build new relationships with full dedication, as there is a firm belief that with any outcome you will not be alone. That's just none of these relationships can not be called full.

Friends with Benefits

You decide to break up, but sometimes meet to spend the night together. Sooner or later, one of the parties (or maybe both at once) will want something more than friendship sex. With this behavior, you emotionally bind yourself to your former partner, begin to build illusions about him, think that he is better than you thought. But as soon as you renew the relationship, frustration may come. It can also occur if a former partner wants to end your meetings by entering into a new relationship.

Fear of offending

The phrase “Let's stay friends” from the speaker’s lips most likely means that he wants to stay good in your eyes and is afraid to offend you with a decision to put an end to it. The affected party may perceive this as a false hope for a resumption of relations in the near future. You can part in a good way, but not be friends. It is quite normal when, after a break, a man and a woman can calmly communicate and sometimes be in the same company. But this is not friendship, but rather the usual relationship between two familiar people.

Many girls are friends with former guys with one or even several. In what cases can this be done, in which it cannot, is it worth it at all and for what purpose? After all, this is likely to cause jealousy of your current chosen one when he finds out about it. Is it better to tell him about this or not? In general, is there real friendship with an ex-boyfriend or is it just someone who wants to renew relations? We share tips and experience.

To be friends and be comrades are two different things. You should have a clear distinction between these two concepts. I believe that maintaining at least some kind of relationship after a guy and a girl break up shows them from the best side. After all, if they broke up and hate each other and try to do some kind of dirty tricks, then this will not add honor to them ...

I do not understand this. Why friendship between the former? Personally, I have only one option: create an alternate aerodrome, well, at the same time so that your “acting” guy does not relax

In my opinion, friendship is a broad concept that involves sharing exciting problems, but will the present young man like it if you go to the former for advice?

I am friends with my ex-boyfriend whom I met for 3 years, but we communicate with him when none of our current partners knows about it. Now I'm married and we can say that we don’t communicate at all, because my husband does not like it. And if this suits your partner, then why not?

Well, if it was not a serious relationship, and you parted peacefully, if the current guy or husband is not jealous, then why not. There are different situations in life, but I prefer not to communicate and especially not to be friends with ex-boyfriends, so relations with my husband are more important to me.

But I didn’t succeed. Although I tried to remain friends, but probably this is an illusion, friendship between the former exists. Yes, and her husband would not like it.

I consider that it is not necessary to be friends. Since you broke up, it means that something in this person didn’t suit you. Perhaps he was cheating on you in some way or you were not comfortable with certain character traits of this guy. So why talk further with him if, figuratively speaking, you turned over this page of life?

I think that it is possible to maintain a good relationship, but it is better to see each other as rarely as possible. After all, no matter how you would like, but feelings still remain, and where is the guarantee that again one of you will want to renew relations. It is better to be friends with your current chosen one, and not to meet secretly from everyone with the former. Friendship with an ex-boyfriend is a moral betrayal (according to men)

It's great when there is a person who understands you, well, let him be from the category of former. This love ended, but friendships were not canceled, most importantly, as they say, that a person was good!)))

Somehow it did not work out with any of the former, gradually the communication came to naught or broke off immediately, even with a normal separation.

Friendship with the former will not end with anything good, if you value new relationships, it is better to burn bridges into the past.

Girls, NEVER start a new relationship without ending the old ones, but what you call friendship is “oh my gosh, I have been with him for so long and I’ve been with him for the first time ...” and now we broke up. How so ??? What a nightmare, it's half the trouble! HALF GIRLS JUST ASSURE ENVIRONMENT AND MOST IMPORTANT !!! What is it just friendship and communication, and think about how much you can stretch without your ex? YES MUCH! Learn to let people go when their role in your life is played, and don’t look back, don’t look back, go ahead and create your own happiness. And you guys DO NOT EVEN THINK about the beginning with a girl who is “friends” with her ex, for it ends miserably, there is NO FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN THE FORMER!

If the love relationship came to naught, but there were common friends, interests and just fond memories, then why not make friends? Of all my exes, I don’t communicate only with my first husband at all, that’s how we muttered each other, but I can be friends with the rest, and I don’t want to go to bed with them, for me love and friendship are completely different things.

By the way, you can be friends with ex only if the current guy does not know about them. Otherwise, there will be no friendship.

I'm not friends with ex-boyfriends. NEVER! Because if we broke up, it means either I or he still loved. It never happened that both fell out of love. To be friends and love at the same time is torture.

need to be friends with the former, everything can stabilize

friendship between the former is then justified when someone wants to return the relationship

Everyone has long been interested in the question: is there a friendship between a man and a woman? The situation is complicated if your friend is at the same time your ex-boyfriend. How to become bosom buddies if you once shared a bed together? TOPBEAUTY will talk about how to establish friendship with your ex, at the same time find out whether you need it in principle.

Friendship with a man

Interpersonal relations experts vied with each other that there is no friendship between a man and a woman. A lonely girl is usually in a state of search. When a male friend appears next to her, she quickly gets used to his presence nearby. On the subconscious, a woman is already starting to wait for something more from this communication. A man always knows what he wants. So there are two options:

he is cunningly trying to get into confidence and persuade the girl to a closer contact
he perceives you initially as a friend and does not plan anything more.

Diverse friends always balance on the verge of falling in love with one or the other. In addition, a person cannot be friends with someone he does not like. After all, a friend is chosen for their qualities, character traits, a friend is respected and appreciated.

Relations between a man and a woman based on mutual understanding are a separate kind of interaction. It occurs at work colleagues or at heterosexual people connected by one thing. Such friendships go hand in hand with professional interest.

Friendship with ex man

When people break up, this is usually accompanied by the phrase "let's stay friends." But is it possible?