Dad died. How to cope with the death of your father

I'll light a candle in the cemetery,
Let it burn to the ground.
And I’ll whisper at the grave,
Well, here I am, daddy!
In the ground cold and damp,
Perhaps you're freezing?
Get up! Let's go home already!
After all, just like we miss you!
And stop calling it home,
There is a blind hole in the ground.
I want to hug you so bad
Also Brother and Mom.
Well come back! Stop sleeping!
Look how the sun is shining!
I'll help you get up from there,
Just let me know!
Tell me it's a joke
And we'll laugh together.
And holding hands, like in childhood,
let's go home!!

Again sadness squeezes its paws tightly
Digging his claws into the depths of my soul,
I miss my dad more and more...
Six billion people on earth,
But among them - not a single one, believe me,
Who could fill this void...
I live in hope of meeting after death,
Having crossed the threshold of Eternity...
Fatigue is accumulating more and more...
Let melancholy not separate your paws,
I remained there somewhere as a baby,
And daughters love their dads more...

Yes, I'm an adult, I understand everything,
but it doesn’t make life any easier!
I still miss you terribly!
Continuing to love just the same!
Continuing to think about daddy,
And remember him, the living one.
Touching the heart strings,
That it will never be raised.
That he will never be heard
That he will never wait.
He's probably higher than all the clouds
In God's unknown space...
He sees us, of course he sees us,
And just like us, he’s just as bored.
He flies after us like an angel,
To be at least a little closer to us.
Of course he would like to return,
But he will never be able to
In this world he will not wake up,
Nothing will warm his heart.
And this only makes it more painful,
But it’s impossible not to think about him.
Every day my soul becomes heavier,
And it’s hard to come to terms with it, daddy.
And damned time does not heal,
And it doesn’t heal these wounds,
And the emptiness inside cannot be filled,
I'm tired of fighting with myself!
I want to spit on everything, forget myself...
And return home with a smile.
See happy faces there
And so that daddy is alive again...

He was with me. Always and everywhere
Laughed, cried and was sad.
I will not forget the bottomless eyes.
And I know that he loved me.
I know no matter what happens
He always protected me
And only memory remains for me
About him. And I blame myself
That I couldn't say goodbye
What I didn’t have time to understand
That I am destined to part with him,
Lose him forever.
I know for sure that I deserve it.
I couldn't save him.
But I loved you madly
And I will always love.
Let him not hear me now,
But I know what he sees
How hard it is to breathe without him
The one who called him father...

Days come, nights go...
And the heart cries and calls.
You know... somewhere very close
All the time... my daughter is waiting for you...
And my daughter... keeps her name in her heart...
Keeping it in my chest like a talisman...
And he whispers quietly (you’ll suddenly hear):
"I miss you so much... come..."
And you will come, having heard as if...
And you will protect your sleep...
And like fog you will melt away in the morning...
And my daughter... will wait again.
And the nights will follow the days...
I can't get the melancholy out of my chest...
My daughter keeps whispering... very quietly:
"I miss you so much... come...

When the stars light up in the sky,
One of them is yours - I know it...
For many years you have been shining brightly,
But here everything is the same, then winter... then summer.
The same day and exactly the same way to live... people strive.
Your family is tired of tears...
everything is as usual, but only without you.
Tell me, how do you live there in heaven?
Is there anger, envy and lies there?
This probably doesn't happen there.
and no one knows cunning and meanness.
You found peace there and found shelter for yourself,
and you know, they are waiting for you here as before...
Let them say that the years heal, the pain erases,
But why is the heart aching, there is no strength,
from the glance of one at your portrait.
Oh, how short your earthly life was,
My most best dad, my closest person.

Time does not heal, time is kind
But my heart still hurts as before.
I won't meet you again, I won't hear you again
How are you, my dear daughter?

Unfortunately, we are not all given
To turn back what I wanted for a long time.
Time doesn't heal, time is in a hurry
It is this that decides all destinies.

We feel sorry for you that we didn’t have time.
Everything you wanted in this life.
It passed by, but alas, it cannot be returned.
I chose the path with the angel on my way.

Today marks 10 years since my dad passed away...
You've been gone for 10 years... 10 years...
10 years is an eternity...
10 years without you... 10 years...
Only now I understand - forever...
How so, dad, dear dear
Forever you left without saying goodbye
10 years, 10 years...
I’ve been suffocating without you for 10 years...
Dad, dear, look how we have grown -
children and grandchildren!
How we want to cuddle up to your chest
and forget about separation forever...
But now I’m only going to the grave
and I close my eyes tiredly...
10 years for a huge disaster,
10 years is not enough to forget...

Well, hello, dad. .. here, I came to you early.
Sorry I haven't seen you for so long.
I'm so confused, I don't know how to move on.
Trouble comes after trouble again.

Do you remember, dad, how we celebrated birthdays?!
How, rejoicing together, they joked and had fun.
How, all the bad weather seemed like an obsession to us.
How, together they sent TU to hell to attack.

Your advice came in very handy -
So that I can be the strongest in this world.
Believe me, I learned from them like the ABC’s.
I was able to teach my children using them.

Also, you, dad, taught me not to cry.
Don't give in to your destiny for anything.
And if it’s difficult, you should never fall.
And in this life, do not be afraid of anything.

Ehhh. .. if only I knew how much I miss you!
A tear fell! (I promised no tears).
From the heart to the earth, flowing through the soul.
To you, my dear, through the chamomile churchyard

The wind is blowing through the windows. dries wet eyelashes.
How we miss you! to forget on your shoulder,
Irreversible loss. It's like my soul was broken...
I still can’t believe that you are somewhere in stardust.
There is pain in the heart of memories. and lilac shadows
In the indifference of the touch, I lie down on my knees.
The wind blows through the windows. it comes from you.
And you are missing in this world...not enough....

How hard it is in the world
Losing loved ones.
Nothing can replace it
Parental roots.
When my dad died
It was so hard! And the pain in my soul remains,
Even though many years have passed.
He rarely comes in dreams,
But in my thoughts I see
His portrait is distant.
The earth protects him, his soul flies
In the distant skies
He's watching me
With love and tears.
Sometimes it's not enough
His support for me, And my heart knows:
He is in heaven, not in the fire.
I really want to snuggle
TO HIS CHEST big
And enjoy the meeting.
Just like in childhood, with all my heart! Hear his voice
Affectionate, dear,
Both strict and angry,
Parental like that.
How precious are moments?
All our sweet meetings, And these meetings can
Kindle the fire of the soul.
This fire will help,
Will give me strength to live.
Father! Come to the meeting
At least in my dream!

You are now beyond the heavenly line
My beloved, dear person
Death with a merciless, hard hand
Took you away, dad forever

You won't give me advice
I won't see your loving gaze
I won't be warmed by you
Who is to blame for your death?

No! Nobody! It just happened that way
You are in God's arms now
My life has changed without you,
My heart became like a wounded animal...

Without you it beats differently
And sadness tears him to pieces
My heart yearns and cries
The soul is tightly squeezed in a vice...

I won’t disturb your peace with tears
I will live in bright memory
I learned to listen to silence
And love you endlessly...

Hello, dad, dear... how are you there?..
The most loving man in the world...
You know, if you count the years,
You'd have wrinkles now...

I would kiss them jokingly
Or whined in my sleeve when I felt bad.
You would whisper that the years fly by
I'm just such a fool...

I stopped dreaming about you completely.
If you don’t come, tell me, is this necessary?
With the rain, give me news - how are you there?.. -
I will be desperately glad to see her.

I'll tell you how I live,
What am I writing, who am I not looking forward to meeting again...
And that I’m barely staying afloat,
All hoping that “time will heal.”

And it ticks rhythmically to the beat,
It takes a long time to sew seams - not for the weak.
You know, if you count the years...
Gray hair would suit you very well...

When someone close to you dies, the feeling of loss can be overwhelming. There is no one that is easy to let go of. So when a father dies, it may seem impossible to cope with the loss. Is this a normal reaction to grief? How to deal with your feelings? How to cope with the death of your father?

Acknowledge and mourn the loss

Very often the first feeling that comes after the news of death is loved one- disbelief. Death is not a natural event, so what happened seems impossible. It may seem that by disagreeing with this you can avoid the experience. Therefore, denial or disbelief is normal. This is why there may not be tears immediately or at the funeral.

However, through certain time awareness still comes, and it is always unexpected. Sometimes such feelings are said to be “overwhelming” or “encompassing completely, not allowing you to think about anything else.” During this period, you need to give vent to your feelings and mourn your loss.

You can't let someone else decide whether a grief reaction is normal. Some may feel like they are grieving too much or not enough. It is better to forgive and forget such an opinion of others. The reaction to grief is an individual concept, and no one can impose their own standards.

One way to release your feelings is to cry. Although it may seem to someone that if a person restrains his feelings it will be easier for him or that this is a sign of strength. Actually this is not true. A person cries not because he is weak, but because he is in pain. Tears are a natural reaction; the body is designed in such a way that, along with tears, substances that calm the nervous system are released. In this way, tears really help to calm down. True, this does not apply to people whose crying turns into a hysterical state.

You can ease your worries by talking about your feelings. It can be stopped by fear of misunderstanding or reluctance to upset others. But if everyone struggles with grief alone, it will only make the situation worse. After the death of dad, it will be easier for mom and children if they unite with each other. And for this you need to talk, including about experiences, fears and pain.

There is no need to compare yourself and family members, deciding who is worse off and who grieves more. Everyone feels bad, and trying to support each other makes it easier to cope with their feelings.

There is a good chance that someone in extreme pain will say something that hurts feelings. It is worth remembering that now this person is talking about his pain. Most likely, he doesn’t really think so, he just feels that way. this moment.

There are situations when you can’t talk about your feelings, or there’s simply no one to talk to. Some people note that they felt a little better after they expressed their feelings on paper. This could be a diary in which everything that worries you is written down, or letters to the deceased. One woman wrote letters to her son for more than ten years. She says it helped her get through her grief.

Guilt

Regardless of what the relationship was with dad, whether family members lived far from each other or close, because of which he died and other factors, a feeling of guilt comes to everyone who had to lose loved ones. This is how our subconscious tries to explain what happened. My thoughts pop up: “if I had persuaded him to go to the doctor...”, “if we hadn’t quarreled then...”, etc. It's part of the reaction to loss that you can't come to terms with. It is worth remembering that these feelings are not a real reason to look for the cause of what happened in your behavior.

Guilt is a symptom that appears regardless of circumstances.

We must remember that no matter how much we love the deceased, we, unfortunately, cannot foresee everything and direct his every step. To miss something imaginary or real does not mean at all that the father was not loved. Wishing someone death and failing to foresee anything are two different things.

It is clear that no one had any desire to harm his father. Therefore, there is no need to consider yourself guilty of his death.

Feelings of guilt after the death of a father can be directed not only at oneself. Questions may arise for other family members. If you just scroll through them in your head, you can really believe in someone’s guilt, direct or indirect. If these thoughts haunt you, during a conversation it is worth gently clarifying what the family member thinks about this. The main thing is to refrain from making accusations.

The purpose of the conversation is not to find someone to blame, but to get rid of thoughts that can deprive you of peace. If it seems that this conversation cannot be avoided, you need to choose your words very carefully. And you shouldn’t be surprised when you hear counter questions - most likely, thoughts about someone’s guilt arise in all family members.

In addition to guilt, there may be a feeling of missed opportunities. So much has not been said or done! Unfortunately, no one can be the perfect child for their father. This doesn't mean Dad wasn't loved enough. This means that all people are not ideal, and this must be recognized in relation to yourself.

How to live on

Immediately after a tragedy occurs, it may seem that life has stopped. Most likely, problems with sleep and appetite will begin. You need to make a conscious effort to return to your normal daily routine as soon as possible. If you can’t return to your normal routine, it makes sense to seek help from a psychologist.

You should not solve the problem with alcohol. Thus, problems simply accumulate, and their solution is pushed back. It is more difficult to resolve issues in an advanced stage.

Making decisions

Often the father has many responsibilities. But even if this is not the case, after his death there are many serious decisions to be made. These include questions such as:

• What to do with the things of the deceased and everything that reminds him of him?
• Does a mother need to move in with her adult children?
• If the children are too young to earn money, how can a mother support her family? How can they help her?

Some people believe that it is necessary to immediately get rid of the things of the deceased so that nothing disturbs the soul. However, many widows and children of the deceased later regret that they hastened to such a decision. Of course, at first these things will most likely cause pain and may need to be removed. But then, when the pain subsides a little, a strong desire may appear to touch anything that was connected with the deceased. Therefore, it is worth leaving something as a keepsake.

Another serious decision is for the mother to move in with her adult children. To children, this may seem like the only right decision that needs to be made as soon as possible. However, such a move is additional stress for the mother. There is no need to rush her: perhaps the best place for her to mourn her loss is in the house where she lived with her husband.

It can be a very difficult situation when the mother is solely responsible for financially caring for her children. Immediately after the incident, there may be a thought: “after the death of my husband, I no longer need anything.” This is not selfishness, this is pain. But this is a situation when you need to think about the future of your children and your own. It is worth asking someone close to you to find out about possible benefits and payments in government agencies and at the place of work of the deceased. There is no need to refuse help.

Don't go to extremes. If, after the death of her husband, the mother throws herself into work, the children may feel even more severe pain. You should not expect that after redistributing responsibilities everything will immediately improve. You need to give yourself and your family time to get used to such changes.

Patience with yourself and others

Often the pain of loss weighs on a person longer than he expected. Therefore, you need to be patient, without judging yourself or family members for a sudden surge of emotions. From year to year, seemingly gone feelings can return again and again. This is fine. Sometimes those who mourn a loss are thrown from one extreme to another: either they want to constantly talk about the deceased, or they don’t want to remember, so as not to cause themselves pain.

Patience will also be needed in relation to others. Most likely, many of them will feel awkward and not know what to say. In such situations, people often say something out of place or tactlessly - not because they have malicious intent.

Some who have lost a father become frightened when the acute pain begins to subside. It may seem that your love for him has weakened. But that's not true. Letting go of pain does not mean forgetting. It means focusing on the good things that happened and moving on with life. This is not a betrayal, but a gradual restoration of the nervous system.

Of course, immediately after dad's death, it may seem like relief will never come. But if you accept and grieve your loss, take your time making big decisions, and deal with your emotions patiently, you can feel better over time.

Irina, Pyatigorsk

As far as I can remember, my father has always been an example for me. Even on those who grow up without a father, his influence is great - in the sense that it is easy to notice when a man was raised by his mother alone. Therefore, the death of a father is a huge grief and great pain for any man. This is great sorrow. For many it is a loss of losses. This grief is different from any other, and only a man who has lost his father can understand it. This event is difficult to recover from. It contains several difficult aspects at once.

Vulnerability

When a father dies, we often lose even more than a loved one. We sincerely cannot understand why the world did not stop after this tragic event. Sons take the death of their father very hard, and when the world does not share this grief, it makes them feel alone, cut off from a world that does not understand them. Many men feel like an orphan, even though their mother is alive, because they feel universal loneliness. This feeling of vulnerability is due to the fact that for many of us the father is a symbol of stability and order in the world order. We always know that we can count on our father in any situation: he will help, he will give advice, even when the whole world turns its back on us. When the father is no longer there, the son does not know where to turn for help; he feels scared and vulnerable. This is true even for men who had a bad relationship with their father. Yes, the father may not have been a protector and provider, but we still feel loneliness: somewhere in the subconscious we believed that the father could still fix the matter.

Awareness of mortality

Our culture prefers to ignore the fact of human mortality and avoid this topic in every possible way. However, when a man loses his father, he can no longer ignore the fact that human life is finite; he understands clearly: we will all die one day. This awareness can affect us any time we are faced with death, and it is especially powerful with the death of a father. This is because many men see their father as part of themselves; part of themselves dies along with their father. The son knows that he will never (at least during his lifetime) see his father, and when he himself dies, it will simply be the end. Many may argue that death is an objective fact, why does the loss of a particular person make it so frightening? The problem is the illusion of control. We men are accustomed to thinking that we control our own destiny, that we are in charge. In many cases this is true, but death is a completely special matter: here we have no control. We lose this illusion of control, there is simply no place for it in our lives: no matter how well we know how to control ourselves and solve problems, we cannot raise our father from the dead. Therefore, the son grieves not only for his father, but also for the understanding of his own powerlessness that he has acquired.

There's no one else to listen to us

We are used to our father always being there. He saw all our achievements, he helped, he encouraged, he gave advice. A son does a lot for his father's approval, and his father is one of the few people whose approval is worth straining for. We can proudly bring home excellent grades and show our diary to our father; this dynamic can be seen in adulthood: we boast about our achievements at university, at work, in the family. When a father dies, there is no one else to tell about it. There is no one to listen to us. For sons who are already parents themselves, it is also sad because they cannot tell their proud grandfather about the successes of their children, they cannot ask for advice about raising children. We miss our father at any time when we need advice or human participation. For a man who had never been particularly close to his father, this loss was felt much earlier, long before his father died: he tried in vain to earn his approval. And now, with his death, this loss has doubled: the son realizes that he will never be able to show his father what he is capable of.

Take on a new role

For many men, inheritance does not primarily mean property, but responsibility. Regardless of age, after the death of their father, men feel that they have suddenly and greatly matured. The death of the father leaves a vacuum in the family, and the sons feel that they now need to fulfill their father's role, to replace him. This is especially true if the father was the head and protector of the family. The sons feel pressure on themselves; they are afraid of not being able to cope with this task. If mom is still alive, the son will focus on taking care of her. And thanks to this, he will grow, and the family will unite, relatives will become closer to each other in order to somehow improve life in new conditions. However, things don't always happen this way. The opposite may also happen: other family members will resist the son’s desire to take on the role of head of the family; siblings may even compete for this role. In the worst case, the death of the father can lead to a complete breakdown of the family: he kept them together, and now there is no one else to do it. For men whose father has not played an important role in their lives, the thought of taking his place seems daunting. They do not want to fulfill his duties; on the contrary: they want to change the order of things so as not to be like their father in the future.

Long shadow

As a boy grows up, he learns different skills and life lessons from his father. He quickly realizes that it is better to do everything like his father, because he knows more, he has more experience, and disobedience, as a rule, turns out worse for you. Sons crave their fathers' approval and live for praise. This desire for paternal approval and the suffering from disapproval spills over into adult life and last even after the father's death. Sons often feel their father's presence when they do what their father taught them; visit places that you and your father have visited before; use their things. For many men, such memories mean a connection with their father even after his death. However, sons may find it difficult to do things differently from their father: they seem to sense his disapproval. They often ask themselves the question: “Would my father be proud of me?” Father's long shadow influences our lives even after his passing.

Father's legacy

When a man grieves for his father, he inevitably goes through a phase of accepting his father's legacy. We often look to the lives of our father and grandfather to evaluate how their views and values ​​affected us. Some sons look back on their father's character and values ​​with admiration and a desire to follow them in own life. Others look back and see guilt, mistakes, failures - everything that they themselves would like to avoid. As a rule, we are looking for some good qualities that they could implement in their own lives. For a son who has already become a father, the analysis of his father's legacy is especially important: he feels like the middle link through which the past is cemented with the future - one day he will pass on this legacy to his own children. For many men, the death of a father serves as an impetus for strengthening relationships with their own children, strengthening their desire to be the source of pride for their children.

It's not that practical guide to action on how to behave in the event of the death of a father. There are no instructions here. This post aims to show all the aspects and stages of accepting this grief; show how difficult it is to deal with it. Only time can heal wounds. One thing is clear: after the death of your father comes the desire to live your life so that people can call you a worthy son of your father; so that you yourself can proudly declare it. Two things are important in accepting this grief. First, you need to fight. This may seem strange, but you can only survive grief by fighting it. It will strengthen you. Secondly, we need to talk about it. In grief you need support. Be strong and strong, bro.

This is one of the saddest events in every person's life. Sometimes it is impossible to give any recommendations, because the question is quite personal. Some people don’t need anyone at all; they try to isolate themselves and disconnect from the whole world. Some people want to receive support and find support in loved ones.

Unfortunately, find solutions Problems It’s not that easy, but you can come up with something to distract yourself at least a little. It is still better to share such a misfortune with someone, because this way you will spend at least a little of your energy and share your experiences, and this is very important for the psyche.

How to cope with the death of your father?

1. Don't rush yourself. Many begin to look for a problem in their personality, do not allow themselves to show emotions, and limit themselves. In fact, psychologists say that sadness and crying are healthy because it relieves stress. If you keep telling yourself that you can’t be sad, this will create additional problems; you may feel guilty if you suddenly don’t keep your promise.

Once upon a time in Victorian era There was even time allocated for longing for my father - from two to four years. Some people come to their senses much earlier, while others need much more years. It all depends on the person, as well as on the circumstances, because death from old age is inevitable, albeit a little, but we all understand it. It is much more difficult if it is a sudden death, it is much more difficult to survive this. In any case, do not set limits for yourself; recover from a disaster exactly as much as you need.

2. Don't forget that your father wished you well. This means that no thoughts of suicide should ever occur to you. Imagine how your father would react if he suddenly found out that you had decided to die? He loved you, so he always wanted only the best, it is important to learn to live in such a way that he can be proud of you.

Think about what activities bring you pleasure, try to start doing this again, so that you can imagine how your father would smile when he sees you happy. This, of course, is not easy, because not everyone can start playing active sports games when they feel sad, but always imagine in your head your beloved dad, who would be glad to see you in the rays of happiness and joy.

Try not to disappoint him all areas of life. This is the most important thing you can do for your father now.

3. Keep your father in your memory. The most valuable thing you can do for him, because he is no longer with you physically, but in your head he will always be. Remember that this way you can immortalize him in your thoughts, remember him as he was. Be sure to keep a diary in which you write the pleasant moments that you lived together, be sure to describe how you feel at the moment, so you can always return to your memories and know that you have not forgotten anything. Talk to people who knew him. These could be his friends, colleagues, acquaintances.

4. Don't forget about yourself. First of all, people who lose loved ones sleep poorly. This is due to the fact that they are constantly under stress, and this negatively affects their nervous system. Make sure that your sleep lasts at least 7-8 hours, otherwise your body will not have time to recover. Do not refuse food under any circumstances, because this is a physiological need.

You can refuse from delicious food, if you blame yourself for having fun, but leave the basic products. Remember that your lungs need to breathe, your heart needs to beat, and your cells need to renew themselves, and to do this they need calories. You should have at least 3 meals a day, and also ensure that you do minimal physical activity. This will give you a little emotional relief and will also help you feel better physically. Of course, we all understand that healthy sleep and delicious healthy food will not help you cope with this problem, but this way you will be able to function normally and perform your usual duties.

5. Analyze what exactly is causing you sadness. Sometimes this helps to smooth out the pain a little and get out of a state of depression. It is important to understand at what moments you feel urgent need in help and support. Remember that you can always ask your family and friends about this. Try to remember what you liked to do with your father? What exactly are you missing right now? For example, you played together Board games, watched a comedy show in the evenings or visited certain establishments. Just ask someone close to you to keep you company.

This will make you feel closer to father, you can enjoy warm memories and have a great time with your loved one. Take a diary and write out your entire day from start to finish. You should have a lot to do and only take breaks for meals. This way you won't feel alone and will get rid of the feeling of loneliness.

6. Don't make spontaneous decisions. Often the death of a parent makes you think that everything in your life has no meaning. Many begin to destroy their families, careers and radically change their lives. In fact, this will not lead you to anything good, but you will make a lot of mistakes, which you will then need to work on long and hard. Remember that besides your father, there are other people in your life who need your attention and love. Don't forget that good job you will need it at least to feed yourself.

Someone like this moments there is a desire to move to another city, to divorce your other half, but now such thoughts come to you because of depression.

All the grief of dad's death in one clip

, Comments to the post How to cope with the death of your father? disabled

When a parent, father or mother dies, this event cannot but leave a deep mark. In this article I will talk about how to cope with the death of your father. When you first learn about the death of your father, especially an unexpected death that is not preceded by illness, you feel shock or even nothing. If you have to deal with a funeral and organize everything, then you can remain in this insensibility until the funeral, because business distracts you.

You may then feel very great grief and loss that seems impossible to cope with. Try not to hold back your feelings, cry if you want. It is important to allow the feelings of grief to come out freely. You will remember a lot about your father, about episodes of your childhood when he supported you and understood you.

During this period, it is also normal to feel angry at other people or at your father because he died, or because he did something bad to you. Don’t blame yourself for these feelings, they are completely normal, because now you are remembering everything connected with your father.

You may feel very guilty for not being attentive to your father in last years his life, that they did not send him to the doctor, that they communicated with him little. These feelings are also normal. It’s normal to even see the ghost of the deceased - many people have this reaction immediately after death, you shouldn’t be afraid of it.

Maybe you want to fulfill some dream of the deceased or become what he always wanted you to be. Or you might want to leave all the things he used in their original places, as if he will soon enter the room and pick them up. In the early days after your father's death, this reaction is normal, but keep in mind that if it lasts more than a year, it means that you need help in coping with this loss.

If guilt, anger, or other strong feelings persist in you several years after your father's death, or if you have recently experienced another bereavement, then you may want to seek help because you have complicated grief that is difficult to process on your own.

Don't hold onto your grief because when you stop grieving, it doesn't mean you will forget your father or stop loving him. He will remain in your heart, you will remember him especially important points your life, you will mentally ask his advice if you did this during his lifetime. In general, you will have some kind of relationship with him, but it will no longer be with real person, but with an image. The point of the grief period is precisely to rebuild relationships and mourn the loss of the relationships you had.

If you are asking “how to get over the death of your father” in the hope that you will get advice from a psychologist on how to quickly stop grieving and feeling pain, but you should know that there is no way to get over the pain of loss quickly. Suppressing grief is costly because the pain then will not go away in a year or two, but will live inside for many years, awakening every time death or the father-child relationship is mentioned.

So, how to cope with your father's death:

1. Cry, talk to someone who knew him, talk to someone about your relationship with him and your feelings about his death.

2. Don't suppress your feelings: There are many feelings that arise after the death of a loved one, and they are all normal.

3. If you experience not a fleeting, but a very obsessive and persistent feeling of guilt or anger, seek help from a psychologist, because your grief is complicated and may not go away with time.

4. Listen to your urges and impulses, they will help you cope with the death of your father.

5. Read books about grief, fiction and psychological - the more you think about this topic, the better you experience grief.

I am to blame for the death of my 87-year-old father, who, having been blind for 11 years and subsequently deaf, felt lonely, hopeless, and with emptiness in his soul committed suicide through suffocation. My fault is that when I went to work I could not provide him with the attention I needed, and when I came home from work I was annoyed by his questions, not understanding how lonely a blind man was without communication. Sometimes she could offend him morally. I deprived him of attention and care, and all this prompted him to commit suicide. He is tired of this life. I don't know how to live with this? Valentina.

Hello, Valentina.

You ask how to live with the fact that you are to blame for your father’s death, as if it is a fact that you are to blame. Apparently, he really felt very bad, since he committed suicide, and it’s very sad and sad, it’s a shame that he felt so bad, and no one knew about it, including you. Apparently, he did not say that he felt so bad.

You took care of your father, and judging by your message, you were the only one who did. Most likely, it was very difficult for you yourself, hence the irritation. A person can share his energy and joy only if he himself has it, and not because he has to.

I don't know when your father died, whether it was recently or a long time ago. If recently, then you are experiencing grief, and grief is characterized by looking for someone to blame, including yourself. But this does not mean that you are actually to blame for your father's death. You didn’t know that he would commit suicide, you didn’t know that he felt so bad and lacked communication so much, and it wasn’t easy for you yourself either. You also needed care and understanding from someone that you needed to rest after work, to replace you for a while in caring for your father. It was only in retrospect that you realized what he was missing and how bad it was, but you didn’t know it then, and couldn’t have known if he didn’t talk about it.