How children help parents at home. Is it necessary to make a child help around the house? Children help parents

It remains to figure out at what age to accustom a child to work, is it worth it to make children work, or is it better to use small tricks in order not to turn duties into daily hard labor.

Everything has its time

Already from the age of two, a child is able to provide all possible help at home. It is worth highlighting the word “feasible”, since it is difficult to name small assignments with full work. However, the desire for independence must be encouraged in every way.

What do children trust in different age periods?

This period is also called a crisis of three years of age, which is characterized, inter alia, by the desire to become more independent. Attentive parents must take this into account.

A two-year-old child is already able to fulfill the simplest requests: to give her mother gloves, a wallet, books, a case for glasses, etc.

All these things should be safe for the baby - that is, you can’t ask to bring something sharp, heavy or fragile.

During this age period, children learn self-care skills, therefore, the child’s desire to take off and put on trousers, swimming trunks, t-shirts on their own should be encouraged in every way.

Parents are required to show him where to put things for storage.

If a child at this age sees how parents work at home and generally have a positive attitude towards fulfilling various duties, the process of accustoming to work will be greatly simplified, since there will be a positive example before their eyes.

The problem is common, and its causes depend largely on the behavior of moms and dads themselves.

1. The child has not formed the habit of not only helping adults, but simply cleaning up after himself. Naturally, the parents themselves or the grandmothers are to blame. After all, it’s a pity for the baby, and why should he wash the dishes, if he grows up, he will still work.
2. Adult family members are generally not cleanliness. For example, the father does not put his clothes in the wardrobe, the mother leaves a whole mountain of dirty dishes in the morning. The apartment itself has not been repaired for a long time, so the desire to clean something quickly disappears.
3. Each family member lives separately, there is no habit of doing collective work - making repairs, planting potatoes. The child, naturally, grows up as an individualist and selfish.
4. Adults do not praise a son or daughter for fulfilling assignments, good grades, etc. That is, any work is considered a duty, and praise for it, sort of, is not necessary.
5. Some parents have a kind of "policy", characterized by a constant change in mood and requirements. That is, the mother at first does not pay attention to the unmade bed, and then forces to arrange a general cleaning.
6. Some adults begin to force children, which makes them violently protest. This is especially common in.

Yet the most common reason is that parents do not see the difference between a happy and carefree childhood. In the first case, the child works for himself and others for the good, and carefreeness differs in that all the emphasis is transferred from active activity to constant rest.

In order not to encounter laziness of a teenager, you need to start raising a child with labor from young nails. Naturally, the choice of occupation should take into account the age and characteristics of the offspring.

So, there are a lot of reasons for children to refuse to help their parents. And if some do everything themselves without reminders, then from the second it is almost impossible to achieve at least some kind of support. How to fix the behavior of a little "sick"?

  First of all, you should not panic and compare your child with other, more working children. And in order to change children's behavior, you must first change yourself.

• talk more with your childgiving up sitting at the computer and watching television. Perhaps this is a universal advice, as they say, for all occasions;
• stop scolding the child for any reason. On the contrary, try to get closer and find out his preferences. Perhaps knowledge of addictions will help him choose the right type of activity;
• if you made a promise, be sure to keep it. It will also help establish trusting parent-child relationships;
• be sure to praise even the smallest help. Let the child know that you appreciate his efforts.

Having established a more trusting relationship, use the tips presented above. If positive results were not achieved, try contacting a psychologist. He will study the situation from all sides and will tell you the most optimal solution to this problem.

Brief conclusions

Accustoming to work is not always a simple process. Perhaps you have your own solution to the situation, but still it will be useful to remember what is needed:

• support children's initiative;
• help the child with difficulties, teach how to properly perform this or that action;
• do not pay for household duties;
• always say thank you for the effort;
• not to demand, but to ask or offer to complete the work;
• take into account the characteristics and preferences of the child;
• do not punish labor for misconduct;
• set a positive example.

In order for the child to know how to help his mother, he must begin to accustom him to perform household duties from an early age. In this case, you will not have trouble in the future with a little assistant.

And finally, it should be noted that the desire to do everything yourself (because it’s faster) can play a cruel joke in the future. If you do not want to one day hear a rude refusal of a child to ask for help, be patient and work together with the crumbs.

And, if at first he won’t succeed, then soon you will be able to trust him with more serious matters. To the general joy and benefit.

  When a baby is just born ─ he is small and helpless. Naturally, the baby is in great need of parents. Caring mom and dad are only too happy to help; every help to the child is a joy to them. Gradually, children grow up and look at the behavior of mom and dad, often copy it. If the parent helps the child at every opportunity, then the baby will grow up to be a good helper.

Do not immerse yourself fully in your affairs, devote enough time to the child, and your child will grow the same in relation to others. The child gets used to this environment and perceives it as the norm, over the years copying it into his family.

But there comes a time when children do not want to accept the help of their parents. It becomes important for them to communicate with friends, to win their place in society. I want to walk more, to find authority among peers. No need to be scared, this moment is important to wait. This is the so-called "transition period". Then the child will again become a close friend for parents. During this period, the main help is understanding and patience.

Children help parents

Children grow up, become very adults, and dads and mothers do not grow younger. By retirement age, many things are getting harder than before. A trip to the store is very exhausting, and carrying a bag of groceries becomes very difficult.

The time has come when parents need the help of their children. And here it is important how they were brought up, because the children will begin to repeat the behavior of mom and dad in the past.

There is a situation when a child has grown up, has risen to his feet and does not consider it his duty to help parents. If this happened, then mom, dad and the child are not in a close relationship. It’s not too late to fix it, although it’s not as easy as in childhood.

Unfortunately, it happens that parents devoted their whole lives to children, but in return did not receive the same. This is most likely due to the strong spoiling of the child. It is important to help the child, and not to indulge his whims. You just need to help and understand in difficult times. But, if a child in childhood felt care and support, he will not leave his parents alone with difficulties. Now children become a support.

Parents need children just like children need parents. Mutual assistance in the family is the key to strong and close relationships. This is what you need to strive for and what it is worth cherishing.

Many parents think that it is not necessary to burden children with household chores, because they have a lot of tasks at school and there is no need to take away their childhood from the child. How can children help parents? Consider this topic. Help, of course, should be affordable, appropriate for age.

Children's household duties

Performing all possible help in the Duma, children feel necessary and significant in the family, this unites children and parents, a sense of responsibility develops. Children who have their own household responsibilities do better in school, communicate better with teachers. Children who do not have household chores often become egoists and ordinary consumers; he sits idly by and waits for them to bring everything ready. Often they are very proud and unsuitable for life on their own, irresponsible.

Therefore, in order to avoid problems in the future, try to come up with homework and responsibilities for your children that they can perform for the benefit of themselves and their families. Sometimes parents may not immediately pick up the things that the child can do on their own, here is an approximate list corresponding to the age of the classes.

For three years: place magazines on a shelf, put napkins and plates on the table, collect crumbs after eating, collect toys and put them in place, undress and dress yourself, brush your teeth, wash your face, comb your hair and bring light products to the place.

For four years: to set up a table, help to clean products (bread), in the store to help make purchases. Or feed your pets, independently spread out and tidy up the bed, help in cleaning at the cottage, help wash the dishes, wipe the dust. It is possible to cook breakfast cereals, milk or juice, decorate dessert, be able to share toys, check mail, hang scarves and socks on the dryer, play without supervision at home.

For five years: help in the purchase and preparation of food, pour water on your own, set the table, prepare sandwiches and a simple breakfast. Or to be able to tear off onions and greens from a bed, to tidy up a room, to independently clean clothes and to dress, to wipe mirrors, to clean a sink. And it’s possible to sort the laundry, feed and clean up after the pet, help take out the trash, help wash the car, pay for small purchases, tie the shoelaces.

For six years, the first class level: Dress independently on the weather or on certain occasions, Vacuum the carpets, clean vegetables, hang clothes, hang clothes in the closet, cook simple food, water the flowers, gather firewood for the fire, weed beds, walk pets, be able to provide first aid for bruises, set the table, take out the trash.

With age, more and more complicate classes and increase. This will be a habit, and the child will be able to cope easily and quickly with responsibilities.

: Reading time:

If the child does not want to participate in the household life of the family, he is called lazy and this is explained by innate properties. But it happens that a baby in some circumstances proves to be selfish and resists any duties, while in others the same child helps his mother and shows the wonders of hard work. Why it happens and how to instill a desire to help tells psychologist Julia Vashkevich.

Taking part in household chores is an important part of parenting.

I often observe children who are characterized by two extremes: either they flatly refuse to help, or they enthusiastically and loudly take away their work from their parents. I myself was like that in childhood. At home, she always helped my mother from under the stick, she started cleaning at the last moment - half an hour before her arrival. I washed dishes after myself only after the request (tenth in a row) turned into a cry, forgot about household chores.

In a completely different way I behaved in the village of my grandmother. Grandparents got up at six in the morning and from then on worked continuously. I was assigned a circle of responsibilities to help me with the housework.

It seems that no one in the village knew about the problem of how to get a child to help around the house. Nobody woke me, but at eight in the morning it began to seem that I would oversleep something important. I performed the assigned work with fanatical zeal. She did even more than was instructed: she cleaned the pots to shine, washed dishes for poultry, changed her water twice a day, collected grass for fodder for ducklings, chickens and cut it as finely as she could. I tried to be more careful to make a good impression: I folded and hung clothes, washed dishes after myself. It was important for me to get the approval of my grandmother, but it was even more interesting to observe the results of my work.

At work, my grandmother told me something interesting, I retold stories from books I read. From ten to fourteen, I came to the village and helped with great enthusiasm. And at this time at home, my mother was puzzling how to teach a child how to help.

Why should children help parents at home

Participation in household chores is an important part of education and further socialization.

Is a child obligated to help parents with household chores? Not. But children love to help, because it has a psychological benefit:

• increase your own importance and self-confidence;
• learn specific skills;
• develop social status and communication skills.

I think that my grandmother used conscious educational methods at the same time and (even more) acted intuitively. The point is not to “correctly” influence the child, but to build a natural relationship with him, in which he repeats, follows the adult, doing household chores.

The following recommendations summarize my personal experience, the experience of observing children, their parents and the experience of psychologists, the experiences of which were really useful to me. If you are thinking about how to teach your child to help around the house, they should help you.

1 Support the baby’s initiative

If you have a small child who has not yet been “spoiled” by upbringing, you just need to support his desire, he already wants to participate in your adult life. If from an early age to teach children to clean toys and perform simple tasks, it will be easier further. Accept that a two-three-year-old child is more dirty than helping. But he will master the skills, and in the future your efforts will pay off, with a high probability you will be able to accustom the baby to order.

There is nothing more offensive for a child than to see how you correct or improve the results of his work.

Of course, at this age, tasks should be simple and do not require a lot of time to complete. For the kid this is a game.

Be sure to express your approval: “How great you are helping me. I'm so glad. Thanks for...". But avoid the formal "well done".

If an older child is not accustomed to helping, but suddenly gets down to business, encourage him with the same words: “You helped me a lot. I could not do without you. Thanks!". Even if you want to redo it immediately, restrain yourself and simply add: “You will help me even more if you clean it in the kitchen now”. There is nothing more offensive for a child than to see how you correct or improve the results of his work.

2 Create the value of the work you want to entrust to the child

It is like the art of selling a product more expensive. A good example is Tom Sawyer, who painted a fence. He did not want to paint the fence, but the public portrayed a real delight from this lesson! He did not complain about fate and the evil aunt, he did not ache and did not ask another child to work for him. Is it any wonder that this activity seemed very interesting to other children? So interesting that they even paid to work.

To create value for your upcoming work, follow these steps.

Demonstrate how you enjoy working around the house.   Hum, whistle, dance. Or just try to get to work with your head. This was the main effect of the village. Grandparents worked enthusiastically, and enthusiasm is contagious.

Do not cast reproachful glances at the child and do not try to flirt with the words: “It’s great to work! Do you want to join? ” Children feel when they expect something from them and try to manipulate, so better keep silent and get out with inspiration.

Create a sense of value in your child.   When the child asks himself for some task - to take out the trash or feed the dog - do not rush to happily agree. Pay attention to how important you are doing. Doubt about the strength and ability of the child to do this as good as you. You can offer a preliminary test - put the bag in a bucket, wash the bowl. The child will be pleased to receive the duty as a privilege. In such cases, children are happy to do household chores.

3 Ask when you really need help

It is important to ask, not demand. Honestly, the volume of work is very large, and you can’t do it yourself. More often, children without extra whims help parents.

Here honesty is important. Once, in class with young children, I asked the girl to help drag the table, and said that it’s hard for me. She puffed and moved the table to the corner, and then watched me rearrange the other table with one hand. There was an understanding in her eyes that she had been deceived.

Children feel when they expect something from them and try to manipulate, so better keep silent and get out with inspiration.

4 give thanks

It doesn’t matter if this is a one-time help or a permanent duty. Let your child know that you value his contribution. Try to keep your gratitude high-quality, not formal. “Without your help, I would have had a hard time”, “I am proud of you”, “I am pleased that you responded”, “The fact that you help me around the house makes my life much easier. Thanks!" - such words motivate and accustom the child to help.

5 Assign the child a limited range of tasks

When you say, “So that my apartment will be cleaned by my arrival,” you condemn the child to painful thoughts: “What is a cleaned apartment? What will be blamed for as a result? Where to begin? How much is very difficult! ”

All this is spinning in the head of a child. As a result, he does nothing or the smallest thing to the arrival of the parent.

Dad and mom often behave like in a fairy tale about a goldfish: “I washed the floors. Why didn’t the dust on the mezzanine wipe? ” They will always find something to complain about. This does not contribute to the development of the habit of cleaning, and in principle, doing something.

Limit your requirements to specific tasks: “You will take out the trash, mop the floors and wipe the dust every day. Did these three things - free! ” Sometimes you can ask for additional help, also very specific. For a child, everything should be predictable.

6 Work together - it motivates and unites

The younger the child, the more things it is better to do together, and the older, the more he can do himself. It’s not necessary to do everything together. You can assign tasks to the child, and rest yourself. But the child, on some other day, the child should see that you have also worked.

The value of synergy is very high. Any family psychologist will tell you about this. If during joint affairs you share events, discuss events or tell a story, a fairy tale, this motivates, develops, and reassures the child, as well as improving relations in the family.

7 Express your attitude to what and how the child does

This applies to expressing approval and disapproval. The best endorsement, as we have already found out, is gratitude.

Shouting and sarcasm are not the only ways to express disapproval. I still remember how my grandmother shook her head reproachfully, looking at my scattered things. That was enough for me to be careful.

Limit your requirements to specific tasks: “You will take out the trash, mop the floors and wipe the dust every day. Did these three things - free! ”

Options for disapproval can be very different: from expressive "fu!" to the detailed answers “I do not like how you washed the floors. Better to wash ”,“ I do not like to repeat the same thing several times. ” The key here is to express your feelings and your attitude to what is happening.

The child should not hear such phrases: “You are to blame! Why don't you do what they say to you ?! Slut!"

8 Let your child know that it’s necessary to complete the work

It is easy to infect a child with enthusiasm. But daily housework and responsibilities are no longer so attractive and require energy. The child usually looks for ways to take off from work. Your persistence is important here.

It’s normal if you repeat the requirements not once or twice, but ten times. Do not do the work assigned to him for the child. If the child is constantly being served by parents, it will be very difficult for him to reconstruct when he needs to show independence.

Turn into a bore, wake up, if necessary, and in the middle of the night ("I'm sorry to wake you up in the middle of the night, but the dishes were left in the kitchen"). Be polite, do not scream. So you will remain in the field of your innocence, and the child will have nothing to manipulate and nothing to be mad at. If the duty to the child is clearly defined, then there must be the same clear understanding that no one will do the work except him. In the same way as with homework.

When recommendations do not work. What to do if the child does not want to help around the house

It happens that my mothers come to me in despair: “In no way, under any pretext does the child want to help around the house, what should I do?”

Gently try each tip again.   Look carefully at how honestly you follow the tips above. Did you calmly try several times or are you worried and quit in the middle? Among my recommendations there is no single "secret" way. The result is better, the more tips you turn into your habits.

Become an observer. Forget two or three weeks about screaming, jerking, reminding, demanding, manipulating money and gifts. Who is this little man? What does he react to, what does he like, what causes denial? What does he do and what doesn’t? Look at the world through his eyes.

Unexpected discoveries are possible: for example, the child himself will offer to help when they stop paying attention to him. Maybe it turns out that he doesn’t hold cutlery in his hands when he already has to eat himself. Or, conversely, capable of more.

Stop blackmail.   The recommendations also will not work if you live for the sake of the child, and he’s used to getting “by the wave of a wand”. In this case, he is simply sure that if he cries or takes offense, you will immediately come to his aid and do everything for him. Even if you shout, then you will do it anyway.

It’s normal if you repeat the requirements not once or twice, but ten times. Do not do the work assigned to him for the child.

How to teach a child to help around the house Psychologist's advice works for parents who want to instill independence in their children.

Refuse the merger - the famous parent “we”:   "We pee!", "We played," "We cleaned!" Up to six to seven years, this is permissible. But at an older age, the child from the words “We will go to clean”, “We washed the dishes, now we are resting” is simply contorted. In response to the merger, parents can get a fundamental mess on the part of the child, whose goal is to defend their borders.

Feel free to ask for help.   It’s not so easy to change habitual behaviors and attitudes, it’s hard to notice in yourself “what am I doing wrong?” If within a month the situation with the little assistant does not improve, you can turn to a psychologist for help and support.