How to understand that a guy is not indifferent to you? Should I take the first step? Eight main reasons to take the first step. Why not be afraid.

1) He is too indecisive and modest. You often catch the eyes of his shy and a little scared eyes. And she herself would not mind getting to know him better. He looks at you for a long time, trying to convey a tacit request to do something, at least a tiny little step in his direction, which will let him know, to make sure that his timid and vulnerable nature will not be rejected by you. A little step that may betray his courage in his subsequent actions towards you.

2) You think about him all the time until you sleep, and in a dream he constantly comes to you in his image of a magnificent, unsurpassed super guy endowed with exceptional virtues that you were able to discern in him at the first glance at his divine face. You don’t care whether it is customary or not in our conservative society to give the right of the first step to a lady. Only one thought disturbs you: what will he think? Will your initiative push him away? But even these thoughts fade into the background with the next look at him, the guy of your dreams. You want to be with him always, to feel his breath on your skin, the touch of his lips and a hot hug. You are pretty sure it's love. The matter remains a little: to find out whether he really experiences the same as you, and whether you have a chance to be together.

3) You are active enough and confident in yourself to make a choice yourself. After all, who said that girls should only sit passively, idly by, and wait until they are noticed by that one and only? Do you agree with the opinion that the guys themselves are chosen by the fair sex and your happiness is only in your hands. You want and you will be with the one YOU want to be with, and not with the one who wants to be with you.

5) You have very little time. You only saw him recently and you may never see him again. You feel that in this short time he managed to become very dear to you and this is not a game of hormones at all. You do not want to lose him and then, perhaps, regret that you missed the chance that fate has so successfully thrown you.

6) Once he was in love with you, but you pushed him away. And now all of a sudden, I realized that she was breathing unevenly in relation to him. And something tells you that his feelings remained the same. Of course, in this case you can really get burned, because, perhaps, he will want to inflict the same pain that you once delivered to him. But, as they say, who does not risk, he does not drink champagne. In any case, you decide.

7) You have been communicating for a long time and you are almost sure that he likes him not just as a friend and clever interlocutor. You feel good and have fun together, and you yourself begin to experience something more than just friendly affection for him. But on his part there are no attempts at a greater rapprochement. As if he was afraid of something or something stopped him. Perhaps he is not sure that you are ready for the development of your relationship and expects that you will make it clear to him. By his recognition, he is afraid to spoil that wonderful connection that exists between you now. Try to have a conversation with him on this subject carefully. So that in extreme cases there is always the opportunity to retreat at the right moment and reduce everything to a harmless joke.

8) And, finally, you are just tired that everything always happens on the initiative of others. You want to try on a new image of an insidious conqueror and temptress. Or you were captured by the ideas of feminism that have become so widespread these days. Today it’s not him, but you will order music! Why only guys have the right to choose? After all, this is unfair! If you think so, then this last reason was written specifically for you.

You should not take the first step if ...

You are not sure that you really need it.
  ... it completely contradicts all your life principles and views.
  ... you are too timid and shy for such an initiative.
  ... you know for sure that he has a girl with whom he is in love and whom he has been dating for a long time.
  ... you feel that this person is neglecting you, and possibly avoiding it at all.
  ... he is attracted to people of his gender. Or rather, if he is gay.
  ... you cannot answer in the affirmative if he will make you happy.
  ... you feel that a little more, and he "ripens" for decisive action.

And, in conclusion, remember the most important thing: to love and to reveal your feelings to the person whom you love is never humiliating and not ashamed. Do not despair if you suddenly receive a refusal or even a mockery of your confession. You are a strong and courageous girl, if you could openly show your feelings. Appreciate and respect yourself and you will surely succeed! Good luck

Lika Heavenly

Question to the psychologist:

Hello! I recently had one problem, I hope for your help. I started talking with one young man, we walked every day in the same company, and communication was nothing more than friendly. After some time, I began to notice certain vibrations in my direction, it was mutual. But the guy, unfortunately, was indecisive, probably afraid that I was just joking with him, maybe it looked like from the outside. We corresponded, during walks in the general company, he often began to come to me, hug, and at the same time brought this out of joke. He began to take me home, it was clear that he really liked me and he did not deny it. And one evening we decided to talk about us, the problem arose in the fact that at the moment we live in different cities (distance 180 km, not so much, but still), I study, I come to my hometown about 2 times per month. The fact is that he had such a relationship at a distance and in the end nothing came of it, because of this he is afraid to start something, but there is sympathy and desire, after his words it was clear that he wanted me to convince him . We talked for a long time, but never came to anything. The next day we kissed, everything spun, we did not want to tear ourselves apart, another day also passed. On the third, I decided to find out who we are to each other. We rested, he drank a little, said that we better talk tomorrow. In the end, I just went home, did not want to stay anymore. He wrote messages, began to worry. For myself, I decided to put an end to it, because the person is indecisive and does not make any decisions, and it is difficult for me to be in limbo, not knowing who we are to each other. On the last day of my stay in my hometown, we went out for a walk with friends, this young man drove up to us, I decided not to find out anything and not to make myself an offended girl, greeted him warmly, but later on, by my behavior I made it clear that the point was set . He came up to me, touched, as if by chance, but the conversation about us never happened. I was still waiting for him to do something, but no. And the next day I left. Now I'm sitting and thinking, maybe something had to be done. I know for sure that he likes me, but he is afraid of something and the problem is indecision. And I really liked him. Should he write? Should I make another attempt to talk? Or do you need to let go of everything, since he is not doing anything? What would you advise in this case? Thanks in advance!

The psychologist Geronimus Ivan Alexandrovich answers the question.

Hello Arina!

When a relationship is just starting, there is a lot of doubt: should I start a relationship with this person? can I take the initiative myself or is it better to wait until the other person takes the first step?

do I like this person? Does he like me?

In addition, our experience is influenced by past experience. For example, if we had an unsuccessful experience in relations with a person from another city, we will be afraid to start such a relationship, even if there are no rational reasons for this.

In the modern world a lot is changing. And if the traditional role of a man is to look after a woman, and women to accept (or vice versa reject) these courtships, now many girls are not afraid to take a more active position themselves.

However, the lack of a generally accepted idea of \u200b\u200bhow representatives of different sexes should behave can also be confusing: should I behave in a traditional way or in a more modern way.

What to do? How to make decisions in such a situation?

Probably, there is no universally accepted method, each has his own. And in this sense, I’m very interested, have you had any other situations of choice in your life in which you successfully managed to make a decision? How did you do it?

On the other hand, making choices is easier when you know better what you want.

Perhaps it would be useful for you to think about the following topics:

Which young man would suit you best?

How does a young man meet your wishes and expectations?

The topic of the manifestation of the initiative by a woman is constantly discussed from all sides: is it necessary to get acquainted first, call first, invite on a date and, in the end, make an offer? We have been taught from childhood that it is not necessary to openly show interest in a man and impose his communication on him. But as Meladze sings in an old song: “There are few princes, and there are not enough of them all!” And so waiting for the prince to ride on his horse is somehow illogical. Suddenly his other gallop will stop him? Moreover, we are positioning ourselves as self-sufficient and self-confident, so why not take the first step in a relationship? Let's try to weigh the pros and cons of the lead game. Should I offer a man a hand and a heart or wait until he "ripens" for this.

   ru.fotolia.com

Susceptibility instead of passivity

Dario Salas in his book “Does a Woman Exist?” notes that passivity is more often attributed to female nature as opposed to male activity. That is, society expects us that we will entrust our life in strong men's hands or the will of circumstances. Here is his definition of receptivity: “This is the ability to take when given, received, retained and supported by another person; worry when someone harms you; to accept someone in your circle, to endure, to be able to wait when they attack you, with the goal of resolutely resisting. ” I translate into an understandable language - this means keeping abreast and understanding the relevance of any action. If you feel, understand that this man is perfect for you, you love him and see the father of your children, then you can very well decide on a serious conversation about a possible wedding day. I intentionally started from this point, as this is the answer to the question: “Can we be proactive?” Sure! The main thing is to catch the right moment.

Good prognosis

I believe that a girl should make an offer first only if she is more than 60% confident in the affirmative answer. You need to evaluate the situation impartially before you rush to put yourself in an awkward position.

If you have been together for a long time, you have common plans for the future, he is at least twenty years old, he has a normal job and you know that he loves you, then you have carte blanche in your hands. But aerobatics, of course, if you carefully bring him to ensure that he makes you an offer.

It's all about the deadline!

A man begins to leave the comfort zone (and the decision to marry him is absolutely such a situation), only when he realizes that you can no longer put off. Otherwise, he will talk about what you need to wait until you buy your own home / increase your salary / internship in America. But as soon as he notices that you really do not intend to wait until he arranges his life, then he will stir in the direction you need. What do you need to do? Talk with him and warn him that, for example, you see no reason to meet for more than three years without formalizing the relationship. Your task, without flinching to pack things and leave, if he does not keep his word or asks to postpone the wedding for a short while.

Your comfort zone

After all, we are also ready to wait and endure, because we are afraid, worried, unsure of ourselves, already used to this man, we love, we cannot imagine life without him. But I know several girls who have been waiting for five and six years, and the coveted “Marry me!” never heard of. Therefore, honestly answer your question: how long have you been ready to “hope and believe” that he will give you a ring? It’s better to hear “No” once than to hear “Let's wait a little longer” for ten years. Making the first proposal is a terrible step, because there is always the possibility of failure and loss of what has been built for a long time. And you have to start all over again: dates, acquaintances, no certainty with whom to celebrate New Year or Valentine's Day ... But you will have a chance to let into your life a worthy person who is confident in his feelings, who wants to share not only his bed with you and rent.

Get ready to hear no

Taking a step forward, we are always at risk of being rejected, but this is better than being stuck with a man who “just doesn't like you that much”. I quote Greg Berendt, who constantly repeats this phrase in The Promise Doesn't Marry.

In fact, if you are interested in the topic of marriage and you have doubts about your chosen one, this book will help you cut off all, or rather, all unnecessary men, as a stencil. I want to draw your attention to the fact that the problem of “nothing to wear” also exists in the sphere of relations - when at first glance there are so many men around, but not one of them is a serious candidate, but only “clogs the air”. Therefore, if your female intuition tells you that it is time to put all the dots on the “i”, you better do it.

Answer yourself the question: “Why do I want to get married?”

I want to end with just this point, because due to self-doubt or under the pressure of social stereotypes, we want to rush things. If you are thinking about this step because of “I am 25/30/40 years old soon” or “all my girlfriends are already married”, then perhaps you are making a mistake and you should not make an offer first. Most likely, you and he are not ready for the next life stage. In principle, in our society there is still a “habit of getting married,” that is, when it seems to be time, but I do not want to. The choice to connect your life with another person must be conscious. Allow yourself to choose, but first make sure that this man deserves your proposal, and you too are ready for it. Do not forget that he can answer “Yes”!

If you find yourself in a similar situation - I do not envy you. But you understand that there is a way out of every difficult situation. And this one is no exception. I learned to solve all the problems in my life using one method. If something doesn’t suit me in relations with other people (especially with relatives), I just directly ask a question that worries me and that’s all. In most cases, after a long and difficult conversation, the situation is solved for the benefit of both. If you have your own recipes for solving problems, I will listen with pleasure!

For many centuries and millennia, the first to speak of his feelings was always a man. It was his privilege, and the woman did not encroach on her. But progress works wonders not only in science and technology, but also in human relations.

Now everything is much simpler: those who are more resolute will get the cards in their hands. No one will be surprised by the girl who dared to declare her love first. And the strong half, it seems, is gradually getting used to it. But is it really important who will be the first if there is a positive result?

We choose, we are chosen ...

It is unlikely that you will have to rack your brains at all if the object of your attention: a) is seriously passionate about you and b) the person is decisive, and so much so that he will completely free you from doubts and feelings and tell you everything that you want to hear from him. In this case, you will only have to reciprocate immediately or, if you decide to hold it in suspense, after some time. This option does not require sophisticated imagination from you. Most likely, the words themselves will fall off the tongue, because you will know that failure will not follow. And if suddenly a man who cares about you does not recognize you, do not rush to taunt him or offend him with an imprudent word. Remember that everyone deserves to be treated carefully. You can tell him something like this: “I am very pleased to hear this from you. I treat you very well, but, unfortunately, I cannot answer the same. We can be good friends. I think everything will be fine with you. You will definitely meet your girlfriend. ” Of course, he, like any person, will be unpleasant to receive a refusal, but the pain will not be so acute if he feels attention to himself and hears words of support.

How to approach him first

But suppose he does not know or is not aware of your feelings at all. And you can’t imagine what he feels for you. It seems to be that you notice that he looks in your direction somehow in a special way, but who knows - what if he looks at all the girls like that? And even if your friends say that he has already laid eyes on you for a long time, you’re still guessing - he’s silent like a fish! But living in uncertainty is becoming harder every day. So you can suffer indefinitely, and then one day see him from another. And then the thought comes to you: maybe, without wasting time, lay out everything to him honestly? And at the same time, just thinking that they will be said makes my head spin. So you continue to live between desire and fear, on a swing of doubt. To say - not to say?

Why not? In the end, it’s better to quickly clarify your prospects than to wander in the clouds for months, or even years, relying on fate. If you have already decided, you have two questions: how to do this? And what if you miss?

Option one is absolutely safe.

Send him a note, fax or email. The advantages of a whole wagon. Firstly, if your recognition turns out to be inappropriate, the object always has the opportunity to pretend that it did not receive any letter at all. For you, without words, everything will become clear: if it is silent and pretends to be a hose, then you have missed. There are men who prefer to clarify the situation. This will tell you that he received the message, but ... Here you are also free to do what you want. If you see that your feelings do not find an answer and for some reason you don’t want to demonstrate them anymore, slander: “What are you talking about, I don’t understand anything. Who sent you a letter? I AM?!!" The rounder you make your eyes, the more stupid the situation will feel the object. By the way, in this situation, you have the opportunity to throw the hook again. “Do you really want to receive a love letter from me?” here's what you can ask with genuine sympathy in your voice and a reassuring look from under your eyelashes. What if it turns out that now he is already dreaming about it?

Option Two. Whisper to him the main thing during the dance.

Slow of course. No matter what he tells you after what he has heard, you will still know the truth. Because you will feel how his body reacted to the message. And not at all about what you thought. The point is the subtle changes in his movements. If the body tensed and barely noticeably pulled back, then you were in the wrong gate. If, on the contrary, it became limp, then the person most likely does not even know how to react to it. A sure sign that you are reciprocated: your partner will try to hug you more tightly, or at least find your hand to squeeze it in a fit of feelings. The most courageous dare to kiss.

Option three - for girls with strong nerves.

Invite him to a date or to your home and put the whole truth right in your eyes. I must say that the reaction of the object can be the most unpredictable, even if he is deeply in love with you. What if he decides that this is a guide to action, but he is not ready today? Or just ready, but you mean something completely different. And then, what will you do if he politely says: “I'm sorry, but I have a girlfriend!” Proudly turn around and go away, secretly wiping away your tears? Or say to him, with a forced smile: “Remain friends?” If you are sure that you will do both well, then go ahead.

Option Four. You can, of course, send a friend with the news and give her the task to present the whole thing in the best possible way.

Yet again; In this case, you will be protected from having to listen to a polite refusal. She - a friend - will do it for you. And bring it to you in the beak. In this case, two out of three people will definitely enjoy: the man with whom you are in love with what occupies the imagination of a beautiful girl and this is not known to him alone. And her friend - from enlightenment into a secret, from the awareness of the importance of her mission and from the sweet pity for you: she knows for sure that he does not like you. Well, in which case you can alleviate your suffering by sobbing on the shoulder of a faithful friend. But keep in mind that a girlfriend can play a broken phone between things and transmit not what your darling said, or distort his words, and, God forbid, you still have to disentangle the porridge brewed by her.

In today's world, people prefer to hide their true emotions and thoughts. Less and less, we began to speak openly about sympathy for each other, fearing rejection and ridicule. The most difficult thing is to take the first step to the beautiful half of humanity, because from time immemorial it has not been accepted for a lady to show initiative. But sometimes you can compromise your principles, especially if you are confident in a positive result. Women always ask a question about how to understand that a guy is not indifferent to you. Despite the restraint of most men, you can still determine his attitude towards you.

How to understand that a guy is not indifferent to you? We pay attention to the interlocutor

No man can hide his true feelings and emotions in a personal conversation with an object of veneration. It's no secret that a man in love often behaves stupidly and recklessly. Therefore, do not be surprised at absurd phrases, strange questions and embarrassed looks. When a girl you like is in close proximity, the adrenaline level in the blood of a person in love surges. You can notice hyperactivity on his part, excessive gesticulation during a conversation and a slightly increased tone. Thinking about how to understand that a guy is not indifferent, just pay close attention to him. Your views will often intersect, because a man, as a rule, does not have time to orient and look away. Take a closer look at his pose as he sits, stands, or walks. The body is maximally deployed in your direction, shoulders are straightened. And if another man suddenly approaches you, your body is tense, from the side such people resemble an inflated peacock.

How to understand that a guy is not indifferent to you? Watch the action

So, the person you like behaves exactly as described above. The time has come for the next step. There is no need to speak directly about the presence of sympathy or the desire to establish a relationship - such “attacks” only scare men and make them run without looking back. Behave positively, openly, but in a friendly manner. Then the instinct of the hunter will wake up in the young man, and he himself will want to achieve it. During a face-to-face private conversation, pay attention to his pupils. To one of the brightest signs of flirting, scientists include advanced icons. It is believed that the body reacts to a favorite object of the opposite sex. It so happened historically that men talking on the phone speak briefly, concisely, and only on business. If a guy, being in the status of a friend, calls you for no particular reason, talks about all sorts of trivialities, listens to your stories about dresses and other girlish hobbies, there can be no doubt - he is really passionate about you.

How to understand that a guy is not indifferent to you? Erase Borders

Each person has his own personal life, which he carefully preserves, letting only the chosen ones into such an intimate zone. If a man admires a woman and passionately wants to get her, he will unconsciously do everything possible to become irreplaceable. He solves the problems that arise, for example, arrives immediately, putting off all his affairs if your car breaks down. When a guy is not indifferent, he very willingly introduces the lady to his friends, and then to his family. By the way, often a lot depends on the opinions of friends. Any man is flattered that his woman likes others.