When a husband beat his wife. What to do if your husband beats: methods of self-defense against domestic violence - advice for women

Every person faces aggression almost every day - in public transport, store, at work. Usually such moments are forgotten, the remaining unpleasant aftertaste quickly disappears. It is more difficult if cases of aggression occur in the family; a person who should be a reliable shoulder, protection, support, mercilessly beats his wife. There is no point in leaving such incidents unattended, even isolated ones - things will become much more serious in the future. To the question of why a man raises his hand against a woman, psychology gives a clear answer. The connection between the spouses has weakened significantly, it is worth considering how important it is to maintain the relationship.

The reasons need to be looked for much deeper, eliminated if possible (often you have to seek the help of a specialist), or you simply shouldn’t be afraid to start life anew - there is a risk that things will get worse. Statistics say: regular incidents of violence often end disastrously for the victim.

Why does a husband beat his wife, psychology and reasons:

If a husband beats his wife, psychology can provide many more provoking factors. Even change causes aggression hormonal levels in the body, fear of losing family respect. Sometimes it is difficult to understand the reasons without the help of a psychologist, so you need to visit a specialist immediately after the first manifestation of violence.

What to do, what to do if your husband uses force?

How to react if there is violence in the family and the husband beats his wife, psychology is categorical - you don’t need to endure it. Such cases will provoke sad consequences, one of which is the destruction of personality. The help of a specialist will be powerless. Statistics show that few women succeed in returning to a full life.

If a man raises his hand against a woman, psychology suggests changing the situation - leaving. It is recommended to choose a calm, quiet place, allowing you to think about whether you should try to save the marriage and correct your husband’s behavior. Cases when a spouse changes in better side, refuses assault, rare. Practice proves that the slightest provoking factor is enough to cause a breakdown. Then it gets worse - the man will try to take revenge for leaving, to punish arbitrariness.

If you had to leave home after the husband raised his hand against his wife, the advice of a psychologist will help determine the further course of behavior:

turn to a specialist who will help you open up, continue to enjoy life, and explain ways to overcome difficulties without the support of an aggressor husband;
meet with your spouse only on neutral territory (in a crowded place), go to a meeting accompanied by a friend, relatives, or work colleagues;
in case of divorce, consult with, ask to study the documents;
pay attention to children - the child’s psyche has difficulty accepting information about the parents’ breakup, it is recommended to say that dad left for work;
not to be ashamed of what happened - tell friends and family the reason for the breakup, accept material, spiritual help, support;
Don't be afraid to go to court. Condemnation of relatives is not a reason to refuse worthy punishment of an abusive spouse;
do not pay attention to unfriendly whispers, condemnations, gossip behind your back - the condemnation of neighbors and friends is not enough to tolerate subsequent attacks of your husband’s aggression.

If a man raises his hand against a woman, psychology warns - aggression and vindictiveness come next. The spouse will certainly try to use force again, punishing for leaving. It is not recommended to be alone with your husband even for a minute - it is impossible to predict the consequences of carelessness.

Correcting your husband - is it possible?

A woman’s desire to save her marriage by trying to change her husband’s behavior is understandable - ladies cannot imagine loneliness. Will it be possible to correct the behavior of the other half, how to stop aggressive manifestations on the part of the husband - questions to which it is recommended to seek answers with a specialist.

What to do if your husband hit you, is it worth forgiving, the advice of a psychologist will be indispensable for making the right decision. Experts warn: both spouses need to change.

A woman must realize that too much depends on the behavior of her wife. Get ready for difficulty right away. Supporting your husband in his endeavors, the ability to listen carefully, give advice, and avoid conflicts are a small part of the psychologist’s recommendations. To prove to your spouse by your behavior that your soulmate is nearby, regardless of success or life’s problems.

Criticism of a spouse is unacceptable, even if a man acts incorrectly, mistakes will lead to unpleasant situations. Forget past shortcomings, misdeeds - no reproaches! Frequent encouragement, praise, flattering words are the only option for communication.

How to change your spouse after situations in which a man beats a woman. A representative of the stronger sex should find a way to relieve emotions and direct aggressiveness in a different direction. There are two effective methods developed by psychologists.

The first option is to get out of the habit of asserting an opinion using assault. Learn to express thoughts and actions in words. It is enough to express dissatisfaction with your spouse and explain the reason for your anger - you won’t have to prove your case with your fists. Over time, you will be able to constantly express anger and resentment in words, and your behavior will become a habit.

The second method is simpler and does not require much effort. Intense sports - boxing, wrestling, football - will allow you to direct energy in a direction that is safe for your spouse. Having taken out his aggression on his opponent, the punching bag, the satisfied man will return home. There will be no thoughts left of proving superiority with fists.

Helpful advice! It is important for the spouse to avoid conflicts, even if there is dissatisfaction with the late return. A quarrel can become a drop that provokes new violence, despite the man’s fatigue.

If a husband raised his hand against his wife, the psychologist’s advice will be useful and will help avoid provoking difficult situations. A specialist who, over the years of practice, has helped change his worldview and his life is Nikita Valerievich Baturin. The recommendations and experience of a psychologist-hypnologist are successfully used in practice by women, change the behavior of spouses, and restore former relationships. How possible is it to save the family if the husband hits his wife, what to do - the advice of psychologist Nikita Valerievich will provide invaluable help.

What to do, what to do if a husband beats his wife, advice from a psychologist:

give up searching for a man’s aggression - only with the help of a specialist will it be possible to determine the provoking factor;
It is not recommended to correct character flaws or fight violence on your own - together with a psychologist you will be able to choose effective method resist aggression;
adhere to the line of behavior developed together with a specialist, do not engage in amateur activities - if a man hits a woman, psychology will help you choose the right path;
make sure a man wants to change family relationships for the better - if the spouse does not see anything wrong with attacks of aggression, it will not be possible to correct the husband;
avoid conflicts - leave your spouse alone for a few hours, go shopping, visit your parents;
do not respond to violence with violence - joint fights will end sadly.

It happens that a woman gets lost if her husband hits her, the psychologist’s advice turns out to be useless - the recommendations are forgotten and are not put into practice. It is important not to limit yourself to one visit to a specialist - in one or two sessions, says Nikita Valerievich Baturin, develop efficient line behavior will not work.

Psychology has precise answers to the question of why a man beats a woman, but without consulting a specialist, there is no need to hope for a resumption of the relationship. Attacks of aggression on the part of a spouse are caused by factors that are difficult for a woman to determine on her own. Violence is stopped by eliminating the cause, otherwise the only way to avoid beatings is a complete severance of relations.

Do you want to finally stop bullying yourself?
We hope that our tips and the method described in this article will help you get rid of domestic violence.

Notes from a client:“My husband beats me. His beating leaves me with bruises on my body.
I have to cover them with clothes and hide them with makeup so that no one
I didn't see it.
The worst thing is that my son sees this attitude of his father towards his mother -
everything happens before his eyes.
I no longer have the strength to endure my husband’s beatings. Of course he apologizes, he says
that he won’t do this in the future - and after a while he hits me again.
I finally decided that this shouldn’t continue.”
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In a situation where a woman is subjected to domestic violence, she needs to do important choice: continue to endure bullying or change your life.

Modeling behavior

If a woman decides separate from my husband who beats her, she must first understand the reasons for her behavior in the family. Otherwise, there is a possibility that such relationships will be repeated another time, with another man.

After all, the woman did not understand why her husband beat her. Why is this happening to her? Why did she allow herself to be treated this way?

Exactly - allowed...

After all, if she had stopped such an attitude towards herself at the very beginning, when her husband first hit her, now she would not have suffered from periodically repeated beatings.

If your husband doesn’t change, if he doesn’t stop beating you, you will leave.

In both the first and second scenarios, both husband and wife need to understand the causes of domestic violence and how to get rid of it.

Our behavior in life and in the family is determined by our upbringing.

From childhood we follow the example of our parents. Yes, we know they don't always do the right thing. But we have no other choice but to unconsciously follow their example. We are prisoners of their family behavior pattern.
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Our ideas about family are formed based on the relationship between our parents.
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But it’s not your fault that you act the same way as your parents! It’s just that you didn’t see another example other than your parents’ in your childhood.

But now you have grown up. And you can build your family yourself - the way you want.

Why does your husband behave this way towards you, why does he beat you? To find the answer to this question, you first need to determine the reason for his aggressive behavior. And having determined the reason, we will find out how to change.

Why does a husband raise his hand against his wife?

So, we found out that the upbringing and atmosphere in parental family influence the formation of the child’s personality. They contribute to his choice life path, behavior, views, beliefs.

It is good when a child grows up in a psychologically healthy family, where he is cared for, where he is respected, where his opinion is taken into account and where they help him become a full-fledged person. But families are different. And the climate in them is not always favorable for nurturing a young personality.

A husband's aggression and cruel behavior towards his wife often have roots in childhood, in the parental family. Most likely, he was often offended as a child: beaten, mocked, humiliated. As a result, a man has grown up, insecure, who now asserts himself by demonstrating his physical strength over a weaker person - his wife.

Sometimes a man’s self-esteem does not suffer, but his father’s behavior towards his mother, in those moments when he beat her, has already been deposited in his subconscious.

Now a man automatically reproduces the same model of behavior - but in his family.

How can a man overcome negative subconscious attitudes and stereotypes?

First, understand that his behavior is an inheritance from his parent.
Secondly, realize that this is not right.
Third, firmly decide that he wants to change.

A man needs to learn to develop a different model of behavior.

Why is a woman subjected to domestic violence?

The woman most likely also carries unconscious childhood trauma. Perhaps she was bullied by her father or mother, or some other family member, as a child. She - victim by nature.
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Until a woman realizes this fact, until she understands her behavior and her
beliefs until she learns to love herself and be confident - she again and again
will be subject to domestic violence.
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Realize that your problems come from childhood, that you behave the same way as your father and mother did in your childhood. But then you were small and defenseless. And now you are an adult woman who has the right to decide how she wants to live!

Take up, for example, an activity that has attracted you for a long time. This will make you feel more confident and happy. You deserve all the best! Remember this.

Awareness of the causes and consequences of domestic violence is very important! You understand that once again someone can go too far in a quarrel and get seriously hurt or, God forbid, an outbreak of aggression will lead to fatal consequences.

Moreover, not only do you suffer, your children also suffer. They do not of their own free will become witnesses to your quarrels with your husband.
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Think about it: what kind of happy family future can your children have?
if they don’t know any other example other than mocking the object of their love?!..
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Your children, just like you as a child, unconsciously inherit the behavior of their parents. They will carry your behavior pattern into their future family - just like you once did.

Someone needs to break this vicious circle. It is you who can change the situation for the better and build a warmer relationship with your husband! Realize the severity of the problem. Get ready for change.

Of course, changes will require time and patience, as well as the help of a psychologist.
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Important reminder!
Promise yourself: if your husband does not want or cannot change, you will leave him.
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How can a husband learn to control his aggression?

Often a husband beats his wife because he does not know how to get rid of aggression in any other way. Aggression accumulates in him and increases during a quarrel. He needs to learn to manage his feelings.

There are two in front of you effective ways How to help your husband cope with aggression:

1. A man can learn to express his emotions with words rather than actions. The simple phrase “I’m angry with you” is more effective than a fist.

2. A man can develop the habit of channeling aggression into a less destructive channel - sports, physical exercise and loads.

In the first option, the man speaks out his emotions and thereby frees himself from them. After all, aggression is the accumulation of negative emotions and their release when a person can no longer contain them.

In the second case, the man gives his feelings a harmless outlet - by physical work or sports.

How should a woman behave?

There is a pattern in relationships: if one person changes, other family members change too. It is a fact. But before you change, both you and your husband need to realize that changes are vital for you, for your family.

You, as a wife, need to support your husband from the very beginning if he decides to change for the better.

Praise him for his successes, encourage him with words. Show by your actions and behavior that you are with him, that you share his intention to change.

Think about it, would you be pleased if you were told every day that you are bad, ugly, and the like? On the contrary, it is necessary to encourage the behavior of a husband who is clearly making progress towards better changes.

What about children?

Children who have seen their father beat their mother more than once experience hatred towards the parent - they fear and do not respect their father.
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Children, when they grow up, will respond to brute physical force with the same force.
and the same attitude towards a person.
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Do you want that? Do you want your children to despise and hate you?

If you decide to live differently and build strong relationships in your family, first gain new trust and respect from your children. By your actions and words, you must restore close and trusting relationships with your children.

Children should not be afraid of you, children should respect you!

* * *

Do you want violence in your family to stop once and for all? Take action now. Now you know a little more about methods for restoring calm in your family, and you can put them into practice.

Remember: domestic violence can be stopped!
Change! You deserve happiness!

Every woman dreams of a loving, understanding and faithful man, but sometimes after the official registration of marriage it turns out that the young man is unrestrained, irritable and hot-tempered. He can shout loudly, blame his wife for various problems, and also raise his hand against her. Girls should know what to do if their husband beats them, as they should not tolerate assault. Men rarely change, so it is advisable to immediately take help from relatives or law enforcement agencies.

There are many different reasons for spousal aggression. Most often, such disgusting behavior is characteristic of petty, envious and selfish people who want to assert themselves at the expense of their wife.

Psychologists identify several reasons why physical aggression manifests itself, encouraging destructive behavior. These grounds include:

the man was brought up in similar conditions, for example, in his family the father always beat his mother, so he simply adopts the behavior of his parents, since he does not have an acceptable example;
lack of resistance and the desire to show one’s strength and power, and this is accompanied by a feeling of impunity;
lack of female attention from the mother in childhood;
mental deviations, the consequence of which is a tendency towards sadism;
problems at work, so the young man takes out his disappointment and humiliation on family members;
lack of self-discipline;
jealousy leading to an emotional breakdown, so insecure and irritable young men, even in the absence of cause for concern, can react aggressively to their wife’s communication with other men;
lack of social responsibility;
reaction to ridicule from the spouse;
alcohol addiction, which negatively affects the behavior of any person, and statistics show that it is precisely because of this problem that domestic crimes arise, since a drunk man cannot control himself and does not think about the consequences of his actions;
sustaining a brain injury.

Important! Young people who grew up in an unfavorable environment do not always raise their hands against their wives, since they can control their impulses and desires.

If a man does not want to restrain unmotivated aggression, and also behaves inappropriately, then he is socially dangerous to others. A woman should not tolerate such behavior, otherwise she begins to depend on the behavior of her husband.

Sacrificial behavior, called victimization, is represented by a behavioral strategy that is inherent in weak and dependent individuals. Girls are afraid to take responsibility for their lives, cannot make significant decisions, and are completely dependent on their spouse. Typically, these are women who were beaten by their parents in childhood or who were abused by their peers. Such people need urgent psychological help.

Why shouldn't you tolerate beatings and insults?

Women who are physically abused by men should not tolerate such treatment. This is due to various factors:

since the husband does not feel resistance, he begins to behave even worse;
a man will not change his behavior on his own because he lacks motivation;
the husband can start beating their common children at any moment;
if the beating occurs due to alcoholism, the woman may suffer serious injuries or even die.

Therefore, even after a slight slap in the face, you should radically change your relationship, refuse marriage, ask for help from relatives or contact law enforcement agencies. If you repeat this behavior, you will have to give up your feelings and family, choosing your life, health and peace of mind. This is especially important for girls with children, since aggressors rarely take pity on minors.

Important! If a woman, even after serious beatings, doubts the severance of the relationship, then she needs to seek the help of a psychologist.

What to do and where to go?

Domestic violence is cyclical, so at the very beginning of a relationship a man rarely shows aggression. He lulls the girl's attention by caring for her and showing kindness towards her relatives. A woman relaxes in such conditions, so she begins to trust her partner. But gradually the man’s behavior changes dramatically, as he begins to demonstrate his true essence.

Quarrels usually arise from pressure, petty squabbles and nagging. After forming a strong emotional connection, psychological attacks begin. The man begins to insult and humiliate the woman, so she no longer feels safe. Usually a woman tries to please her husband and also feels confused. It is at this time that the beatings begin. At first, a man may simply slap, but over time he does not hesitate to use his fists.

It is impossible to live in such conditions, so girls can use several tips to get rid of their tyrant husband. These include:

using the help of male relatives or friends;
contacting a social center specially created for victims of domestic violence;
finding new housing and collecting documents necessary for divorce;
filing for divorce;
If you have common children, then they need to be prepared for the upcoming move.

Only once you are in safe territory can you plan for the divorce, the trial, and the final move. If necessary, you can use the help of law enforcement agencies.

If a girl is severely beaten by her husband, she must stop beating her and write a statement to the police. Additionally, it is recommended to immediately call the single helpline designated for women. It works around the clock -8-800-100-49-940.

After such a situation, you need to meet with your spouse only on neutral territory. If a girl has been under male oppression for a long time, then she will have to use the help of a psychologist. At this time, you need to pay attention to the children, since their psyche in any case suffered from the sight of a beaten mother. A woman should not be afraid to go to court, as judges always protect the rights of the oppressed.

How to remove beatings?

If a man inflicts significant injuries on his wife, then the girl can remove the beatings in order to bring the offender to justice. To do this, perform the following steps:

within three days after the beating, you must go to the emergency room;
a medical examination is carried out here;
employees of the institution record the beatings and injuries received by the girl;
the conclusion is transferred to law enforcement agencies;
a statement is drawn up to the district police officer, and this document contains all the circumstances of the beating;
the district police officer conducts investigative activities;
police officer communicates with spouse;
if particularly serious injuries are sustained, you can immediately file a claim in court, and the proceedings can be terminated at any time upon reconciliation of the parties;
To bring a man to justice, it is advisable to obtain testimony from neighbors, relatives and colleagues.

If there are serious injuries, the district police officer will not only conduct an educational conversation with the spouse, but will also open a criminal case. The man is registered, and he can also be held accountable for the crime committed. All statements written by the woman to the police can be used in future court proceedings.

What punishment does the husband face?

Russian legislation provides for different measures of liability for causing physical harm and insult. The specific punishment depends on the circumstances under which the beatings occurred. Before prosecution, investigative measures are carried out to determine how often the husband beat his wife. To do this, witness statements are taken and a conversation is held with the man.

Charges can be brought under various articles of the Criminal Code:

Art. 115 of the Criminal Code is applied in cases of intentional infliction of minor harm to health;
Art. 112 of the Criminal Code is used for moderate harm;
If a man causes serious harm to health, then the punishment is chosen within the framework of Art. 111 CC;
In case of beatings, the provisions of Art. 116 CC;
Art. 117 of the Criminal Code applies if a man tortured his wife;
For threats to kill, punishment is imposed according to the provisions of Art. 119 CC.

For inappropriate behavior, a warning is initially issued, and the man is registered. In the future, police representatives are constantly monitoring his behavior with family members and strangers.

The court, based on the materials received, takes into account the severity of the harm caused and the characteristics of the injuries. Punishment is imposed not only for physical actions, but also for causing moral harm. It can be presented in the following forms:

a fine of up to 40 thousand rubles;
involvement in public works;
referral to correctional labor;
arrest for several days;
imprisonment, and this measure is used when grievous harm to a woman’s health is caused.

Practice shows that the above punishments rarely have a strong influence on a man’s behavior. He will be able to cope with his impulses only if he himself makes the appropriate efforts. He must understand that physical violence will not solve various family problems. In most cases, men continue to beat women even after leaving prison.

What to do if your husband beats your children?

Sometimes inadequate men take it out not only on their wives, but even on their minor children. This attitude is cruel and cynical, so mothers must take various measures aimed at protecting their children. In such a situation, you need to immediately call the police, removing the beating from the kids.

You cannot remain silent, because otherwise a man can kill a child or make him disabled. Doctors film the beatings, after which they hand over official documentation to the police. Such cases fall into the category of public prosecution, so a statement from the mother is not required.

The punishment for beating children is more severe. Such behavior is grounds for depriving a man of parental rights.

If serious harm is caused to health, the father will be deprived of his freedom.

How to behave if your husband beat you (video)

In this video you will learn what actions to take if your husband hits you.

Some men, for various reasons, raise their hands against their wives and even children. Women should not tolerate such an aggressive attitude, therefore they are obliged to protect themselves and minors from the sadist. To do this, you can use the help of relatives or law enforcement agencies. If you doubt the need to break up the relationship, you should urgently consult a psychologist so as not to develop victim behavior.

First reaction: leave this scoundrel and never meet him again! But when the emotions subside a little, the woman, having suppressed her resentment, often remains with her husband. Why? Maybe she herself is to blame for something? Or is it something else? What to do if your husband hits you?

Recently, the problem has ceased to be completely “domestic”. Many women began to openly condemn their husbands, who spread their hands, protesting against the tired “hitting means loving.” However, despite the public outcry, every woman still faces a dilemma: to forgive or not? How to make the right decision?

Leaving cannot be tolerated

In some families, physical aggression becomes a common way of sorting out relationships. A man knows that he always has compelling (in the literal sense of the word) arguments in stock, and a woman knows that she must be extremely careful when expressing dissatisfaction or giving reasons to justify herself. However, silence does not always save a woman.

Firstly, impunity is intoxicating and allows a man to increasingly lose control of himself. Secondly, the husband does not need to look for other ways to resolve conflicts and disputes. Often the situation is aggravated by the complete helplessness of the wife: either she does not have her own income, housing, or she is afraid that a divorce will harm the children. To put the busy person in the indicated dilemma after the word “leave”, several steps must be taken.

Wash your dirty laundry in public: tell your husband’s behavior, his parents, and mutual friends. Peak-silence plays into a man’s hands: you are the only one opposing him, while your strengths are not equal. An open discussion of the problem will lead to the fact that the immediate environment will begin to put pressure on the husband.

Don’t expect a man to suddenly improve one day. Psychologists who study the problem of domestic violence often observe a cyclical nature. And also such a thing as a “honeymoon” after another assault: the husband apologizes and tries to make amends by giving gifts or doing household chores. In most cases, this wonderful period lasts no more than 3 weeks. Therefore, only the woman herself can put an end to violence. During your next “honeymoon,” warn your husband that you no longer intend to endure beatings. And if they happen again, you will file for divorce.

Of course, such an ultimatum can only be put forward if you are ready to carry out your threat. But if you understand that such a conversation can harm you, then it is better not to start it, but to immediately move on to the next point.

Slowly prepare escape routes

Find a remote job that your spouse can't find out about. Set aside the money you save by purchasing discounted items. Think about who could help you in the first time after leaving your husband.

If you have nowhere to go, find information about special shelters for victims of domestic violence. They exist in many large cities under charitable organizations and accept women with children for several months. During this time you can find a job, place your child in kindergarten and establish new life. Of course, all this is very difficult. But life is more valuable! After all, tomorrow the husband may not calculate the force of the blow...

Green serpent

If the husband shows aggression only when intoxicated, then you need to think about how to deal with the cause, and not with the effect. Moreover, not all men belonging to this type suffer from alcoholism. Drinking alcohol may be rare, but every time it can have dangerous consequences for loved ones. Therefore, it is extremely difficult to insist that the husband completely give up alcohol because of his inadequate reaction to it. However, it is necessary to jointly develop a new behavior algorithm after parties.

Mark the days of feasts and the dates of beatings on the calendar so that your husband can make sure that they coincide. Such visualization will allow you to recognize the existence of a problem and begin to solve it.

Ask one of your friends or discreetly take a video yourself of how your husband’s behavior changes while intoxicated. Show him the recording during the period of repentance - the man will probably learn a lot of unexpected things about himself and will think about it.

Ask your husband what measures seem most effective and appropriate to him. Strict restrictions on alcohol consumption (for example, warn loved ones that he should not be given more than a glass of wine), a reminder of your agreement to approach a “dangerous dose” of alcohol, or something else. It is important that the spouse himself proposes measures to keep him from aggression.

If we are talking about alcohol addiction, you should not expect that specialists will cure your husband if there is no desire on his part. At the same time, it is necessary to seek medical help so that your spouse’s period of sobriety will be extended at least for a short time, and you will get a break. Practice shows that those who have gotten rid of addiction have repeatedly received help from specialists and acquired the desire to “quit” during the treatment process.

In a state of passion

Even the most balanced person can be driven to white heat. Sometimes a man may not control his emotions and slap him in the face, grab him by the hand, or otherwise cross his boundaries. Such manifestations, of course, do not do him any honor, but they cannot be called beatings either. The husband’s aggression in such a situation turns out to be an unpleasant “surprise” not only for his wife, but also for himself. The man repents and worries, but does this mean that the first breakdown will be followed by others? Talk to your spouse about what was the trigger for his aggressive attack? No matter how difficult it may be to start such a conversation, it is necessary, as it allows you to get rid of the mutual feeling of the unpredictability of male behavior.

Do not fall for the arguments of feminists who claim that violence is never the fault of the woman herself. Most of these isolated cases occur due to scandals in which the wife uses painful arguments: “Now I understand why your ex won’t let you see your children!” or "Your father always thought you were a slob". If you say something similar in terms of emotional impact to a woman, she will cry. And the man will remain silent and may hit, because this reaction has been practiced in most representatives of the stronger sex since childhood.

If you know that you offended your husband, apologize for your behavior.

Mutual forgiveness will allow you to quickly restore the relationship, although the unpleasant aftertaste will most likely remain for life. Agree with your spouse that even in a quarrel you will not remind each other about this episode. And you should watch your words, because sometimes words hit harder than a fist.

Think about it

According to international statistics, women decide to leave their husbands, on average, only after the seventh attack.
Every year, 36 thousand Russian women suffer beatings from their husbands, a third of them receive serious injuries, sometimes incompatible with life.
60−70% of women suffering from bullying do not seek help. They don’t want to wash their dirty linen in public.
Domestic violence laws exist in 89 countries around the world. After their adoption, incidents of violence are reduced by 20-30%.

Comments 52

Yesterday I hit him in the eye with his fist, called me an alcoholic, I don’t drink much, on the condition that we New Year celebrated at a party (and he didn’t like them), but the main thing is that I work like a horse, earning many times more than him, but at home. That's all the arithmetic is. I plan to leave, even though I have three children.

> Yesterday I hit him in the eye with his fist, called me an alcoholic, I drink little, on the condition that we celebrated the New Year at a party (and he didn’t like them), but the main thing is that I work like a horse, earning many times more than him, but at home . That's all the arithmetic is. I plan to leave, even though I have three children. I believe that if a man hits once, then it will happen again. No matter how hard and painful it is, you need to leave such men without looking back...

>B this moment I am in the hospital with severe beatings at the hands of my beloved man. This happened for the first time, but who can guarantee that next time I won’t end up in the next world? You have to run away from these guys without looking back.

HORROR!!! Definitely run!!!

quoted1 > > ...slap, grab by the hand, or otherwise cross the line. Such manifestations, of course, do not do him credit, but you can’t call them beatings either." And what is THIS? Sorry, of course, but you can slap him so hard that you lose consciousness, but how do you understand “somehow else to cross the boundaries”?? Head on table is crossing the border? The former MCH grabbed my hands so much that I was all blue for a month. A man can hit in the only case when a woman herself rushes at him with a knife, and this threatens his life. > > I completely agree with you! today will he slap you in the face in a state of passion, and tomorrow will stab you with a knife? Fortunately, everything is fine with my husband, but from my surroundings I concluded: if a man hits you at least once, in a state of “passion” or something else, then it will happen again, and The further it goes, the worse it gets. I don’t have any friends whose husband hit her once, and then it never happened again... He hit her, she endured it, which means you can continue to treat her like that, since she allows it.

> > > ...slap, grab your hand, or otherwise cross the line. Such manifestations, of course, do not do him credit, but you can’t call them beatings either." And what is THIS? Sorry, of course, but you can slap him so hard that you lose consciousness, but how do you understand “somehow else to cross the boundaries”?? Head on table is crossing the border? The former MCH grabbed my hands so much that I was all blue for a month. A man can hit in the only case when a woman herself rushes at him with a knife, and this threatens his life. > > > > I completely agree with you ! today he will slap you in the face in a state of passion, and tomorrow he will slap you with a knife? Fortunately, everything is fine with my husband, but from my surroundings I concluded: if a man hits you at least once, in a state of “passion” or something else, then it will happen again , and the further, the worse. I don’t have any friends whose husband hit me once, and then this never happened again... He hit her, she endured it, which means you can continue to treat her like that, since she allows it. > > And mine Two days ago he gave me such a slap in the face that my kidney still hurts. And I’m covered in bruises. I’m ashamed to tell anyone. I'm not ready for divorce. What to do?

What a horror, girls!!! Divorce is a complex and unpleasant procedure, you cannot prepare for it in advance, be it betrayal or beatings, you do not expect or plan for this. Ekaterina, you write that you are not ready for a divorce, but are you ready to receive regular slaps? He hit him once, he’ll hit him a second time, a third time, first a slap in the face, and then he’ll just start beating him like a boxer punching a punching bag. I, of course, don’t know your situation and family, but beating a woman is terrible, and it will happen again and again. Take care of yourself, save yourself before it’s too late...

Over the course of 2 years, events developed as follows: he could push, verbal abuse became more frequent. Then he hit me in the face, and after some time on the head. He could come right up close and angrily hiss aggressively foul language in his face. Now he dealt a severe blow to the head and face. The result: I had a concussion and a bruised wound on the back of my nose with displacement of the cartilage. There are lacerations on the nose. 7 stitches were applied. Heavily disfigured. So I tested it for myself - if you raised your hand, you are unlikely to calm down. Impunity inspires a man.

Came drunk at three o'clock in the morning. Hit me in the face, I couldn’t prevent it because... on hands Small child was. Now I’m sending you to the devil. I don’t want to have any family or maintain a relationship at all. And he wants to. I’ve forgiven you, but I’m afraid to go ahead and face a cannon shot. Well him

He raised not only his arm, but also his leg! I barely left with my child to see my mother, all this happened at night. No child. gave it to me, although he is not my daughter’s natural father, I will forgive you over time. But I don’t want to be together, my husband cried, begged me to come back, promises that he will never raise his hand again, but I don’t want to check.

Anastasia, you will do the right thing!!!

My husband beat me after the maternity hospital on the 25th day, he beat me on the head without stopping, I stopped hearing the membrane rupture, my temperature rose, my child was 38, if I cried, I didn’t hear, I left with difficulty, I hid the child through the cops, took it, now I filed for child support, I don’t want to talk After the DNA test we don’t have a registry office, what should we do?

You did the right thing by leaving! Some endure this all their lives until they become crippled... and as for alimony, this should be dealt with by special people, where you submitted the application. It seems to me that if the father refuses child support, then he should submit and pay for the DNA test himself.

Now I am in the hospital with a traumatic brain injury. Yesterday there was a quarrel. As usual, because of little things. It grew into a major scandal, where I knocked down the doors that he closed in front of me. He hit me once, with the palm of his hand, on the jaw. 3 teeth broken and concussion. I fell and lost consciousness and memory. (this is all from his words) I didn’t remember last weeks own life. Now, in the hospital, I remember everything except the quarrel itself. Walking. Calling. Asks for forgiveness. I don't understand what to do at all. We have three children. I have nowhere to go.

What a horror, Julia! If you return to him, it will endanger your life. You should first of all think about the children, they need a healthy mother. A friend of mine with a small child left her husband, who beat her, asked for a room in a dorm, and got a job there as a cleaner. I got up at 5 in the morning, washed the floors in the dorm, then took the child to the kindergarten, went to work as a salesperson, then picked up my son, washed the floors again in the evening. I was very tired, but the child had a healthy mother, no one made trouble at home, and the son grew up in a calm environment. After some time she met a good man, got married, and is now happy, she also gave birth. And if she had stayed with her first tyrant husband, she might have died from constant beatings. And the little son would have been left an orphan with her husband...

My dad hit my head with his paws so many times that my head hurts on the same side where the blow was. It’s painful to touch bruised elbows, this is the first time I don’t want to live like this, but I’m not ready for a divorce either. Is it true that after the first beating there will definitely be 2 beatings, etc. that is, it will only get worse...

True... if a man thinks that he has the right to beat you, then this will be repeated constantly. I don’t know of a single example of someone hitting me once, and then realizing and never touching again...

Hello, yesterday my husband was out drinking with friends again. I was walking from a friend's place and decided to stop by. It ended with my husband allowing my friend to beat me... As he said: just an educational moment. I ran home, locked myself in and didn’t let my husband in...

Everything is difficult for me too. The husband is a hidden tyrant. The children openly tell him that they don’t respect him. Offends me. He rarely raised his hand, but the last time, if it weren’t for his daughter, he probably would have smeared it across the wall. I've been wanting to leave for several years. After the quarrels, there was a lull for a couple of weeks. But all this is temporary. We need to decide. It was not enough that at 45 I was threatened by some...

Elena, run away from this terrible man, neither he nor his friend have the right to lay a finger on you!!!

Everything is correct, Alevtina! No one at any age has the right to lay a hand on you. And you are scared to live with such a husband, but what is it like for the children? You will still find yourself worthy man and you will be happy. Children will only be glad to see their mother calm and happy, rather than live in hassle all their lives...

I lived with my husband for 20 years and rarely drank. There were no conflicts, and they lived amicably. But one day he came home drunk, word for word, and ended up beating me. I was hospitalized with a concussion. We separated by mutual consent, then divorced (he decided so). 5 years passed, our paths crossed. From the beginning I was afraid of him, but then I calmed down. For two years we communicated occasionally. And recently he invited me to meet. I accepted his proposal. Everything seems to be normal, but from time to time I have a feeling of fear, memories of that ill-fated day. I don’t know what to do. How to overcome fear or break up? He is a good man, but the past haunts me.

Yesterday my wife and I were relaxing in the park. Everything was just wonderful. A bottle of good wine, the sun... your beloved and dear eyes opposite. Talking about our love, family... about how dear and dear we are to each other. And then, overnight, everything changed... reproaches and hurtful words from my beloved. A strange and evil face is opposite... I hug her, calm her down... she breaks out, spits in her face, grabs her by the neck, scratches her face, neck... I couldn’t think of anything other than to slap her in the face! And away we go... - “kill me!” ... “you want to kill me.” Laughs, wild eyes. Well, to my shame, I spanked her. How they walked home is a different story... she tries to run away, grabs the trees, falls... I hold her!!! On the same day he apologized to her and asked for forgiveness! But he doesn’t forgive and doesn’t give a chance! And I just love her very much!

Yesterday I had a fight with my husband, in general we often fight about money, my parents, methods of raising my son... He had already raised his hand against me before, he could slap me in the face, throw me, or grab me by the throat. Yesterday Kat again began to pass his hands and grabbed a ceramic cup from the table and said that if he touched me, I would hit him, he grabbed me by the throat and crushed it. I hit him with a cup and severely cut his eyebrow. Now I feel guilty, and I don’t know what to do next ((An ambulance took him, I called it myself, and now I don’t know where he is. He answers her phone and he’s not in the hospital

We lived with the man we loved for three years. Previously, three times when I was drunk, he could punch me in the face, push me, or grab me by the neck. I forgave. After each time I repented. I thought that he was just such an emotional person. But recently I came home from a get-together drunk. We had a fight. He attacked me, choked me, hit me on the head with the door while I was lying on the floor. He yelled that he would kill me and actually killed me. Fortunately, they were not alone, three of his relatives pulled him away from me. I had to leave the house at night so that he wouldn’t kill me. As a result, two broken fingers, torn cartilage on the ear, a concussion, the whole body is bruised, and a huge hematoma on the head. She packed her things and left. After 4 days he showed up, sobbing, asking for forgiveness, saying that alcohol was to blame for everything and he would never drink again. My soul is torn from pain and melancholy, I loved him wildly. A week has passed, and all this time I simply do not live, but exist. I decided not to return and cut off all ties. I'll survive somehow. But I’m definitely not ready to die for such love during the next massacre.

And my husband punched me in the stomach when he grabbed me by the hand, and I pulled my hand away. He said it was a defensive reaction.

Today my husband hit me on the back with a mop with all his force. She left many times and came back again. Three children

My husband could easily hit me in the face with his palm or punch me in the legs. He always said that I was to blame and that I provoked him. Each time he hit harder and harder. After the recent slap in the face, I decided not to forgive. I don’t want to not wake up next time, knowing his powers... I’m afraid of him. Now they are bonded for life because of the child. It’s my own fault, I had no brains from the very beginning. Never tolerate assault.

Evgenia! your children need a healthy mother, don’t wait for your husband to hurt you!

I have been married to my husband for 10 years and have a son. He hit me 10 times during the entire time, in the face and kicked me, threw me down the stairs, once hit me in the shin with his fist and so hard that after 4 years the lump does not go away. The last time was half a year ago. Meanwhile, he allowed himself to insult me and kicked me out of the house. And all in front of the child. And once he was hit in the face and had a bruise. In the morning I told my son that bruises make a man look good. Moreover, he showed no aggression not necessarily under the influence of alcohol. A month ago I decided to get a divorce. Went to hometown. Naturally, he gives no rest with his persuasion and entreaties to return to him, he agrees to all my conditions, etc. I don’t know what to do next. Believe, give one last chance, or start a new life without looking back at the past?

Love happened to a person. Soul to soul. I didn't believe my luck. We lived together. We went on vacation. They couldn’t believe the happiness of being there. It all started with messages and insults. Screams. Then jealousy. Just because I was “out of sorts” I’m not God’s dandelion, I could answer, but more often I tried to remain silent. On his part, regular provocations and conclusions to conflict began. Gaslighting is a new word that has taken root very well in our world. Afterwards there was a slap in the face. Through time, love again, trips, together around the clock and magical moments. Everything was forgotten. After a while, everything started again with a “bad mood”, he began to hit me on the cheeks and head. The result is bruises under the eyes, a bruised nose. A day later he screamed. I forgot everything. Then, after a while, I hit him on the head and face. In three weeks. I have left. Of course, I love you very much. It seems that demonism happened. So he is a wonderful person and this has never happened to him. I agree that a woman can drive a man crazy. But beating a woman is not a reason in any case. There are no excuses. Especially if there are serious injuries, bruises and concussions. My nose is crooked now. Also a chipped tooth. Girls, take care of yourselves. No matter what we are, a man is usually stronger when paired with us and he must be responsible for his own strength.

I confirm, he hit once - then he will always hit one way or another. This is not a man, but a schmuck. Leave immediately! I know only one example, when a man struck slightly under strong verbal provocation and repented, more hand I didn’t raise it because the man really stumbled and fully atoned for his guilt. Don't indulge yourself with illusions. Normal man If he does this, he will disappear from a woman’s life, tail between his legs, knowing full well that he is no longer a man, but a shameful creature.

Together for three years. During a quarrel, my husband hit me on the head with the palm of his hand, and I fell from the blow. His hand is heavy. This was the first time. Then three days later he swung, but didn’t hit. I don’t know what to do now. In the arms of a small child. By the way, he hit him in front of the child. Now it’s disgusting to look at my husband, it’s disgusting to be around. I cry as I remember the spanking, it’s very offensive. I'm afraid to leave, and I'm afraid to stay. Suddenly it will strike again.

Everything is very individual, of course... and different in every family... I promised myself that I would not allow my husband to ever hit me, just as my father once hit my mother. Today he gave me a strong slap on the head, and pushed me a couple more times and ran away on my arm with demonic eyes. All this reaction was caused and provoked in part by me... because, as I said, what was not pleasant for him... (did not concern him personally) It’s just that the opinion I expressed was said at the wrong time and in the wrong place. And for the first time in 6.5 years, my husband actually raised his hand against me. What remains to be done?! So far the first reaction is I’m praying for myself and for him... we a happy family... we have a one-year-old child... I remember only one promise to myself that I would not allow my husband to beat me. I don’t know what to do right?! For my words, I apologized from the bottom of my heart to him in a letter... but here’s how to forgive him... how to believe... although he hasn’t asked for forgiveness yet... and God knows what’s in his head... but girls, life is such a thing, you don’t know what will happen tomorrow. But you need to love God and yourself. And the husband, the man who came, may leave, alas, we are not all related to our husbands by blood and we will never have the same feelings as for children. Conclusion: try to be independent

together for 13 years, have a child, good job She and I had conflicts for the first ten years, but I didn’t raise my hand. Then I got a job that involved business trips, and I began to get a little jealous and notice changes in her. Then those around her also began to talk about their comments towards her (relatives). Then I began to take a closer look, so to speak, at my wife and her new way of life. I saw photographs of “colleagues” hugging each other and for the first time seriously, during a conversation, I hit her on the shoulder. I apologized, forgave, but then it got worse. The first time was three years ago. Now, the day before yesterday, he attacked her for her reluctance to go home at night after an office party. He didn’t hit me with his fist, but he gave me a slap in the face. I don’t know what to do, I love her, I don’t want to get a divorce. And I seem to believe her, but she has become insolent and it’s stupid to deny it. I feel sorry for my son. She doesn't want to change jobs. So what should we do with her? You all write here that your husbands are scum and scoundrels, but that your wives are sometimes to blame and what should you do with them??? She tells everyone that I’ve been beating her all my life - but that’s not true!!! If you have adequate advice, please write. The family is dying because of this

My husband has two wives, we have no children in our marriage, my husband hits me just yesterday, he hit me in the lower back, I’m lying in bed, I can’t walk, what can I do?

Ruslan, you raised your hand against a woman. Get out of her life and leave her alone, she will never forgive you for this.

Married for almost a year. I have a son, I gave birth to a married daughter 2 months ago. The husband came home drunk in the evening, they got hooked, a scandal ensued, saying that children are not like that. At first he pushed me, I struggled, asked him to let me go to my mother, then he began to throw me like a rag across the room. Lots of bruises, hurt feelings... It’s the first time I’ve been hurt like that. In the morning, he doesn’t remember that he threw me, and he also flew off his feet a couple of times. He remembers that there was a scandal. I don't know what to do. So bad, both mentally and physically. 2 kids.

I am over thirty and my husband is the same age. I have a certificate of completion high school, and I'm currently attending a local college trying to get what I need. additional education. My husband graduated from college and is an expert in his field. We are both attractive people and are generally liked and respected by others. We have four children; we live in a house with all the comforts that middle class people could dream of. I have everything except a life without fear.

For most of my marriage, my husband beat me from time to time. What do I mean by "beats"? What I mean is that he delivered brutal blows to different parts of my body many times, leaving me with painful bruises, bleeding wounds, bumps, loss of consciousness, and sometimes all of these at once.

He threw glasses at me, he kicked me in the stomach when I was in the last months of pregnancy, he threw me off the bed and hit me while I was lying on the floor - and again during pregnancy. He spanked me, knocked me down, picked me up and threw me on the floor again. He punched and kicked me in the head, chest, face and stomach so many times that I lost count.

I got slapped for saying something about politics; for having her own opinion about religion; for swearing, crying or wanting intimacy. He threatened me when I didn't do what he said. He threatened me when he had a bad day and when he had a good day... After each beating, my husband left the house and did not return for several days.

Very few people saw the bruises on my face or my swollen lips, because after the beating I never left the house - I was ashamed. After he beat me, I couldn't drive my car and therefore couldn't get to the hospital and get treatment. medical care. But even if I could get behind the wheel, I would never leave small children alone at home...

Several times my husband called me a day or two later so we could agree on what excuse I should come up with when I returned to work, went to the grocery store, went to the dentist, and so on. I was making it up different reasons- car accident, dental surgery, etc.

Of course, the first reaction to this story will be the question: “Why didn’t you ask someone for help?” I applied. Shortly after I got married, I went to see a priest who, after several visits, said that my husband didn't really mean to hurt me, but that he was just confused and insecure. He encouraged me to be more tolerant and understanding. And most importantly, I was told to forgive my husband for the beatings, just as the crucified Christ forgave me. I did this too.

But the beatings continued. The next time I went to the doctor. He gave me calming pills and told me to look at things more easily. I'm just too nervous.

I complained to a friend, but when her husband found out about it, he accused me of either making things up or exaggerating the situation. My friend was told to stay away from me. She didn't listen, but she couldn't really help me anymore. Just because she believed me, she was made to feel like a traitor.

I turned to a specialized consultation for family problems. There they told me that my husband needed help and I had to find a way to control the situation. But I couldn't control the beatings - that's why I was looking for help. It turned out that during the consultations I needed to defend myself against suspicions that I wanted him to beat me, that I provoked him to beat me. My God! Did the Jews in Germany also provoke the Germans to exterminate them?

I went to two more doctors. One asked me how I provoke my husband. Another asked if we hadn’t made up yet.

One time I called the police. Not only did they not come to the call, but they also called a few hours later and asked if everything was “settled” with us. By then I could have already been dead...

If this happens again, then I have nowhere to go. No one will accept a woman with four children. Even if there were kind people who were ready to take part, still no one wants to interfere in so-called “family matters.”

For some reason, everyone I asked for help wanted to blame me and justify my husband. I heard it behind everything they said. The priests, the doctor, the counselor, my friend's husband, the police - they all found some way to justify it. A husband who beats his wife does not need to be “provoked.” He lashes out whenever he wants, and finds an excuse for it at any moment.

I know that I need to leave him. But when there is nowhere to go, you know that you can only rely on yourself and have nowhere to look for support. I have to be ready for this. I must be ready to fully provide for myself and my children and create decent living conditions for them….

I realized that no one believed me and that I could not count on any outside help. All I had left was hope that I could free myself before it was too late.