The best jokes about hairdressers. Jokes about "hairdressers hairdresser hairdresser

I overheard this conversation in a bookstore today:
Buyer:
- Do you really think that a detective story called “The Hairdresser is a Murderer”
Will it be interesting for someone to read if everything is clear from the title?
The seller, opening the book, reads the annotation:
- 2 thousand hairdressers gathered at the world congress...

A bald man walks into a barbershop and says, poking at the barber’s luxurious hair:
- Here's a few bucks and I want my hair to be like yours! Understood?
The hairdresser doubtfully looks at himself in the mirror, then at the client’s sparkling bald head, then at the thing, back at himself... Finally he sighs:
- Ah-ah-ah, it was not! - and begins to shave himself bald.

- Yes, he comes every day after lunch, counts all the people in line and leaves. Just some kind of crazy person.
It will probably come again soon...

Well, indeed, after a while a well-dressed young man comes and begins to count everyone in line:
- One two three four! five! ! six!!!.
Then he turns and leaves silently.


- Yes, I bought a bouquet of flowers and went home...

- Yes, not really... he went to your house!!! ...

In one private hairdressing salon, one hairdresser worked with a young apprentice. One day a student says to his boss:
- Lately some strange guy has started coming to our hairdresser!
- What kind of guy? - asks the hairdresser.
- Yes, he comes every day after lunch, counts all the people in line and leaves. Just some kind of crazy person. He'll probably come again soon -
“You know what,” says the hairdresser, “when he leaves us, go and watch him, and then tell me.”
Well, indeed, after a while a well-dressed young man comes and starts counting everyone in line: “One, two, three, four! five! ! six!” Then he turns and leaves silently.
The student boy, as he was ordered, also slipped out unnoticed behind him. After some time he returns. The hairdresser naturally asks:
- Well, tell me, what did this guy do when he left us?
-Yes, I bought a bouquet of flowers and went home-
“Well, that means he’s definitely crazy,” says the hairdresser.
- No, he went to your house...

In one private hairdressing salon, one hairdresser worked with a young
student. One day a student says to his boss:
- Lately I’ve gotten into the habit of going to our hairdresser.
some strange guy!
- What kind of guy? - asks the hairdresser.
- Yes, he comes every day after lunch and counts all the people.
in line and leaves. Just some kind of crazy person. Soon,
will probably come again...
“You know what,” says the hairdresser, “when he leaves us,
go quietly and follow him, and then tell me.
Well, indeed, after a while he comes well dressed
a young man and begins to count everyone in line: “One, two, three,
four! five!! six!!!" Then he turns and silently leaves.
The boy-student, as he was told, also follows him unnoticed
slipped out. After some time he returns. Hairdresser,
naturally asks:
- Well, tell me, what did this guy do when he left us?
- Yes, I bought a bouquet of flowers and went home...
“Well, that means he’s definitely crazy,” says the hairdresser.
- Nope, he went to your house...

A man with a child comes to the hairdresser.
- Shall I cut my hair? Shave? - asks the hairdresser.
“Both,” the man answers.
After the master finishes, the man says:
- Now cut the baby’s hair, while I go get the newspaper.
A lot of time passes, but the man is not there.
“Where did your father go?”, losing patience, the hairdresser attacks the boy.
“This is not my dad at all,” the boy answers in fear. - This uncle came up to me on the street and asked: “Do you want to get a free haircut?”

A boy walks into a barber shop and the barber whispers in the client’s ear:
- Look, the boy is dumb-even-dumber! I'll prove it right now!
He takes a 100 ruble bill in one hand and a 50 ruble bill in the other, and says to the boy:
- Choose!
The boy takes 50 rubles and leaves. The hairdresser triumphantly:
- Well, what did I say!
Later that day, a barber shop customer sees the same boy leaving an ice cream parlor and asks him:
- Hey, boy, why did you take 50 rubles? instead of 100 rub. ?
- Because as soon as I take 100 rubles. , game over...

The child was given a young hairdresser's kit, and the very next day our Siberian cat turned into a beardless sphinx.

Katyusha opened the closet with toys and took out a hairdresser's set. Vaska the cat dived under the bed, but grandfather didn’t have time.

Sitting down in the barber's chair, he did not think that after the words "shorter", the most long hair he will have eyebrows on his head...

The hairdresser asks the blonde:
- What hairstyle do you want?
- Like a brunette!

Hairdresser:
- Shall we make the temple with an oblique?
- No, let's use a typewriter instead!

A man opens his eyes in the barber's chair and feels his bald head.
- What did you do?
- Oh! Sorry brother, I was daydreaming, you had such a curly head, and I was shearing sheep in Uzbekistan...

The other day, a hairdresser in my area was arrested for drug trafficking. It was so shocking because I had been his client for many years. I had no idea he was a barber.

I went to the hairdresser one day and sat there getting my hair cut. An old lady comes in with some boy about 12 years old, they put the old lady to get a haircut, and the boy sits in another corner of the room on a chair so that he doesn’t interfere. About 20 minutes passed, grandma paid and left. The boy stayed, I don’t know why. Now some other guy came and sat in the grandmother’s place, the hairdresser forgot about the boy. And so, when I had already paid and went to the exit, I heard a dialogue and stopped to listen:
- Boy, why have you been sitting here for an hour?
- And I’m waiting for you to cut my hair...
Silent scene. Then the hairdresser says:
- I thought that you were the grandson of that grandmother)))

Life is like a hairdresser: you tell her what you wanted, and she does what she wants.

Hairdresser to a client: - Shall we do side bangs?
The client is scared: - Can’t you use scissors like before?

The hairdresser gives his old friend a haircut and says:
- Your hair is falling out catastrophically. Are you doing anything to save them?
- Yes. I divorce.

The hairdresser, having cut the client twice in order to somehow soften the situation, starts a conversation with him:
-Have you visited us before?
- No. I lost my hand in the war...

If you don’t have money for a haircut, then the question “why don’t you get a haircut?” you should answer “my hairdresser is sick,” and now you are no longer an overgrown goblin without money, but successful man with a personal hairdresser.

Today I went to the barbershop to shave. And the hairdresser asked me to put a wooden ball in my mouth to better shave my cheeks. I tell him:
- What if I swallow it?
- It's OK. Bring it the next day, like everyone else does...

A barber shaves a client with deep wrinkles. To make it easier and
safer, I put a plastic ball in his mouth.
- Why didn’t you give it to me last time? - asked the client.
- It was recently swallowed by one guy, and he returned it only today.

Do you also say to the microwave “Yes, I’m coming, I’m coming!”?
And you too, when you go into a store, and there is a cleaning lady washing the floors and you seem to try not to follow... . . but nothing happens and you feel guilty!?
Do you, too, when you sit in the hairdresser’s chair and they cover you with a cape, do your nose start to itch terribly?
Has it ever happened to you when, while talking on the phone, you watch TV at the same time, you don’t understand what they told you and stupidly say “Well, yes”...

You see, when I ask you about this, your hair stands on end, it’s more convenient to cut it.

A hairdresser cuts a trader's hair.
- How are things on the stock exchange?
- Yes, nothing’s wrong... in a couple of minutes
- How are you doing at the stock exchange?
- Yes, okay, thank you... in a couple more minutes
- Well, what is it like on the stock exchange?
- Why are you asking me the same thing over and over again?!
- You see, when I ask you about this, your hair stands on end, it’s more convenient to cut it.

First, funny ambiguous requests from clients to hairdressers:

ABOUT naked...

N and a shorter comb...

X done well...

A Can I urinate myself?

TO it was so great!...

WITH give me a longer butt...

G Where to rub intensively - front or back?

WITH make him a man...

WITH

A Why all men's places women took over?

R spread your legs, I'll cut your bangs

X I feel like ruffling the front

IN ride to get a haircut...

G Look in the face which is more suitable...

U get this mess out of your head...

U hee trim...

D Get a mirror, I’ll go show the guy’s butt!

M take off the coolness...

***

Okay, today I got it on the first try...

P cut it like a half-buck...

Z hell of a shave...

IN Shave off whatever is in the back, and let whatever hangs in the front...

P cut it off, otherwise in the morning it’s so bad that you don’t know where to put it...

M I can trim it, but not too much...

Loosen up...

P look at my head for something wrong...

WITH almost everything is behind, but not everything is above...

Should I bite my bangs...

U me is much shorter than the previous one...

U my beard grows much faster than my head

Z back part is white

3 I came several times, but I still didn’t get under you and I live right under you

I don’t have a hairstyle like Sasha Maslyakov, just long hair

A Are your nails not working?

P about the phone: “Did I take you off as a client?”

A Is it possible for me to make a hedgehog in my butt?

H then the back was clean, but the front stood

IN Poll: “Why are you pulling me from the front?” Answer: “So that it stands”

WITH cut me this obnoxious front to the end

WITH make your ears bare

TO When should I come to you to get cleaned?
Comb my back

P I come, whoever I come across, I sit under him

X put my household in order

Now the funniest jokes about hairdressers:

WITH I go to the hairdresser, wait for my turn. In front of me is a rumpled middle-aged man. When it’s his turn, he sits down in a chair, and the hairdresser says to him:
“The man has a sign hanging: “We don’t cut hair with unwashed hair.” Washing your hair will cost 100 rubles.”
Him: Okay.
She washed his hair, combed it, and he looked in the mirror and said: “Fuck off, basically,” gives 100 rubles and leaves.
I waited 10 minutes for the hairdresser to stop laughing...

IN hairdresser
:-Please shake your head: I dropped the scissors there!

Z A man goes to the hairdresser and says: “You, like, damn it, cut my hair, in kind, that means here, here and, damn it, it’s long here, in this segment of the head it’s wavy, but so that it’s straight a little lower, that’s it.” this diagonal so that, in nature, it’s a zigzag, but here, here, here, here and here is a bald spot.”
The hairdresser stares at him and says: “No, man, I can’t do this kind of bullshit.” And the guy says: “You’re driving me crazy! It worked last time!”

IN snipe drunk barber shaves a client.
- Aren’t you going to cut me?
- How can I cut you, dear, if I don’t even see you?

ABOUT announcement. Due to the fact that the hairdressing salon is being renovated, women's hair will be done in the men's room.

Pugachev sits in the hairdresser, Kirkorov runs in
- Alka, I’m divorcing you!
- Well, who will need you?
— Everyone will need me, I’m a megastar!
- Who are you? Without me you will be forgotten tomorrow!
- Who will be the megastar then?
- Yes, anyone I promote. Yes, even this hairdresser...
...The life of Sergei Zverev began to improve...

P The ensign and the private are getting their hair cut at the barbershop. Army Figaro
asks the ensign
:-Cologne, comrade warrant officer?
- Come on, he’s in..., he smells like this: my wife will think that he’s in
I visited some brothel.
Private
: - Maybe spray it on me. My wife doesn’t know what the smell is in these houses.

P hairdresser: how to cut your hair?
Client: so that I don’t get offended by you.

IN hairdressing salon
- Shall we wash our hair?
- Yes, what is there, give everyone a bath!

TO Every time I leave the hairdresser, I am tormented by the same question - why did they ask me how I wanted to cut my hair?

About haircuts, hairdressers, about beauty

A girl with long black hair enters a hairdressing salon and asks to do her a fine perm, having first dyed your hair bright white.
“Okay,” says the master, “but I would advise you to simply smear your head with depilatory cream.”
- What are you talking about! I'll be bald! - the girl is indignant.
- You will be bald in any case, but with a depilator I have less fuss.

***
Are you saying that I have already shaved you? I don't remember your face.
- You see, during this time it has already completely healed.

***
A woman turns to a cosmetic surgeon:
- Could you carry out some intervention in my appearance in order to improve it?
The doctor examines her very carefully for some time and finally says:
- Unfortunately no! In our country, beheading is prohibited by law!

***
The client sat down in a chair and asked to shave him. The novice master cut him once, twice, three times. The client cannot stand:
- Give me a razor too, please, I will defend myself!

***
- Holy Father, my sin is that I look in the mirror several times a day and see how beautiful I am.
- Continue, my child. It's not a sin. This is just a misconception...

***
- Why do you always talk about the weather with your hairdresser?
- What, do you want me to talk about politics with a man who runs a razor over my neck?

***
Paradox:
Modern women wear wigs, dye their hair, put on false eyelashes and nails, undergo body contouring and facelifts, insert silicone wherever they are lazy...
And then they complain that it’s so difficult to meet a real man!

***
A barber shaves with the shaking hands of a famous politician. When he cut him for the third time, the politician said indignantly:
- It's all from drinking, my dear!
- You are absolutely right! From endless drinking bouts, the skin becomes
so flabby!

***
- John, I see you have new hairstyle?
- Yes, my wife cut my hair last night, she’s my hairdresser!
“Did you happen to have a quarrel with her before this?”

***
Every time I leave the hairdresser, I am tormented by the same question - why did they ask me how I wanted to cut my hair?

***
The famously absent-minded professor sits down in the barber's chair.
- Please cut my hair.
- Willingly, Mr. Professor, but first I would ask you to take off your hat.
- Oh, sorry, I didn’t notice that there were ladies here!

***
A drunken hairdresser shaves a client.
- Aren't you going to cut me?
- How can I cut you, dear, if I don’t even see you?

***
The hairdresser, who has already cut his client twice, is trying to entertain him with conversations:
-Have you ever visited us before?
“No,” the client answers calmly. - I lost my leg in the war.

***
- How should I cut your hair?
- Silently.

***
A guy comes to the hairdresser. He asks him to cut his head. Well, they cut his hair accordingly, after which he looks carefully in the mirror and declares:
- There’s something I don’t like, let’s go with a crew cut...

***
- I want to offer your company my latest invention. This is a shaving machine. The customer puts in a few coins, sticks his head through the hole, and two razors automatically begin shaving him.
- But every person has an individual facial structure...
- For the first time - yes!

***
Client to hairdresser:
- Why does your dog look at me with such greed?
- You see, sir, ears fall to the floor from time to time. She simply adores them.

***
At the hairdresser's. Sitting down in a chair, the client asks the master:
- Do you have the same razor as last time?
- Is the same.
- In that case, I ask for general anesthesia.

***
- Hairdresser! Why are your hands so dirty?
- I haven’t washed anyone’s hair today...

***
At the hairdresser:
- Please shake your head: I dropped the scissors there!

***
A man came to the barbershop to shave. The barber noticed that the man had too sunken cheeks, and this made shaving difficult, and took out a small wooden ball from the table:
- Put it behind your cheek.
The man places the ball in his mouth, and the barber quickly and deftly begins shaving. Suddenly a voice comes from the chair:
- And sho, were I going to choke ekho?
- No problem! - the hairdresser answers, - just bring it back tomorrow - you’re not the only one with sunken cheeks! And you are not the first to swallow this ball...

***
- Mash, how long does it take you to get your hair cut at the hairdresser?
- For 150 rubles.
- And are you satisfied?
- I’m very pleased!
- And I get my hair cut for 800 and am unhappy...
“I would also be unhappy if they took so much from me.”

***
A long-bearded man came to the barbershop:
-Make me a cutout in the middle of my beard.
- For ventilation?
- No, my wife gave me a tie and wants to see it.

***
A young man with very long hair is sitting in a barber shop.
A hairdresser walks around him with a magnet and moves it over the client’s head.
- Do you have a new way of cutting hair?
- No. I'm just looking for scissors.

***
- Did you get a haircut?
- No, I washed my hair.

***
A girl with shaggy, long hair enters the salon and addresses the hairdresser:
- Cut my hair like last time.
- Sorry, this is not for me. I've only been working here for three years!

***
In a hairdressing salon, a client says to the hairdresser:
- Divide my hair into two equal halves.
After some time the master says in some confusion:
- I'm sorry, but you have an odd amount of hair...

***
On vacation, a young girl with long hair enters a trailer with the sign “Hairdresser” and asks for a bob haircut. The elderly barber covers her with a sheet, picks up scissors and begins to walk around the girl, cutting her hair shorter and shorter. Having reached the middle of the ear, he clicked his tongue, threw the scissors, took the clipper and began to cut the remaining hair to “0”.
"What are you doing?" - the girl screamed.
“Yes, I’m not good at the square anyway, but at least get a tan!”

***
A lady with long hair runs into the salon, gorgeous hair, and asks the hairdresser:
-Will you buy my hair for 100 francs?
- Madam, I’ll give you 200 for such hair!
- Then cut my hair, and quickly!
Having finished, the master asked the short-haired woman why she made such a sacrifice.
- You see, I found a nice wig in a nearby store, but forgot my wallet at home!

***
A barber shaves a client with deep wrinkles. To make it easier and safer, I put a plastic ball in his mouth.
- Why didn’t you give it to me last time? - asked the client.
- It was recently swallowed by one guy, and he returned it only today.

***
A man with a child comes into the hairdresser, the man says to the child:
- Sit here, now I’ll get my hair cut, then you.
Well, everything is fine, the man got his hair cut and says:
- You trim my baby, and in the meantime I’ll go get the newspapers.
The hairdresser cuts the boy's hair, they sit and wait for the man. They sit and sit, but the man still doesn’t come...
Then the hairdresser asks the boy:
- For some reason your dad isn’t coming back...
The child answers:
- This is not my dad, this man came up to me on the street and offered me a free haircut...

Also read funny jokes for children.