Why two children are better than one. Without tears, resentment and jealousy: the best advice for parents on how to make friends with brothers and sisters What, in your opinion, is the most difficult thing in the acting profession

There is probably no need to cite the sad statistics of childbirth in our country, despite the government’s “optimistic” assurances of guaranteed financial assistance mothers who have decided to have a second child. Let's try to give convincing arguments to those mothers who want to give birth to a second baby, but are hesitant.

One of the first benefits of having a second child is... your invaluable experience. If sleepless nights, colic, colds and other “pleasures” after the birth of your first child caused you panic, now you will feel much calmer and more confident. And if the difference between the children is significant, then the older child will be able to help you to the best of his ability. By the way, psychologists say that with the support of an older child, the baby develops faster.

You probably have a lot of things left over from your older child. Even if the first child is a boy and the second is a girl, then you will not have to buy a stroller, crib, playpen, toys, etc. And this, you see, is a considerable saving of money. At the same time, keep in mind that you will no longer spend money on extra clothes or shoes, since you will know exactly what the child needs today.

Psychologists note interesting feature: mothers with several children are more efficient and punctual than mothers who are childless or have one child. Moreover, such mothers already have decent experience, allowing them to instantly pacify a raging naughty boy. To this should be added diplomacy, persuasion and teaching skills.

After the birth of her first child, any mother wants the baby to talk, walk and eat on his own as soon as possible, but time seems to stand still. Rarely do any mothers remember when the first child cut his first tooth, when he took his first step, etc., but the memory of the second child remains the most detailed information. And all because the mother lives by the principle “there is a time for everything” and wants her baby to remain a cheeky toddler smelling of milk longer.

One should not discount the fact that both children also gain invaluable experience. For example, an older child helps his mother and younger brother or sister, learns responsibility, kindness, etc. positive qualities. And the younger one develops faster and, like the older one, acquires communication skills.

And one more thing: it’s nice for you to have a brother or sister, so don’t deprive your only child of this pleasure!

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One child is good, but two (three, four, etc.) is better, and it’s hard to disagree with this. True, when several brothers and sisters grow up in the same house, no matter how hard you try, disagreements between them cannot be avoided. And many mothers and fathers are forced to admit that a relationship without quarrels and insults between all children is, alas, more a myth than the truth. And in such cases it is impossible to say: “Don’t swear, the same blood flows in you” or “You are not strangers”, since these phrases cause alienation and desperate resistance in every child. However, despite these unpleasant forecasts, it is possible to make friends between older and younger people. Today we will tell you how to achieve this.

Every parent wants their children to grow up in a friendly environment, to care for and love each other. But, according to psychologists, they are not obliged to love each other, although this sounds somewhat strange.

In an ordinary, prosperous and healthy family, it is considered the norm if children compete, conflict with each other, fight for the attention of their parents and are jealous of their elders/younger ones. Also, brothers and sisters, being outside the home, say, in a camp or school, already independently unite against “external enemies,” protecting and preserving each other, since blood kinship is higher than any personal omissions. And this, we note, happens without unnecessary parental reminders.

Parents need to maintain a balance in raising their children and be wise so as not to focus on differences, and at the same time not force them to “love each other because you are family.” Then brothers and sisters are more likely to grow up friendly and caring.

6 steps to help parents make friends with their children:

Create some space. Regardless of age, each child in the house should have his own personal “island of safety and privacy.” This can be not only a room, but at least its own crib, bedside table, table or shelf. And, of course, his clothes, shoes and dishes (without the baby’s knowledge) cannot be disposed of by anyone, not even mom and dad.

State simple rules. Explain to children that all available toys, including tablets and gadgets, can be used by everyone on equal terms, but each child can refuse a brother/sister if he does not want to share something from his personal “bins”. You should not force your child to give away something especially valuable to him against his will. Some of the children do not yet know how to set their own boundaries, so remain patient and tactful.

Set aside private time for each child to interact with their parents. The so-called “hour of individual love.” This point is extremely important for first-born children, because in their memory those times are alive when they had an undivided right to mom and dad, and now they are forced to “share” them with other children. How to spend leisure time together? Walk, read books, draw, make crafts, go grocery shopping, do whatever you want, but only with one single baby. You can get creative and create a schedule - when, with whom and where you will spend time, so you are guaranteed to avoid quarrels and whims.

Stop comparing. Perhaps one of the most important advice on our list. Never, under any circumstances, compare children, even if you really want to, but you can’t! Try to operate exclusively with a non-evaluative judgment - only by narrating, describing and affirming. For example: “Armashka draws great. Madinka cooks deliciously. Arsenchik is very attentive.” Practice alone sometime, this is an important skill. In our country, alas, it is completely absent; we are accustomed to judging children and holding them up as examples to each other, or contrasting them with the word “BUT.” “Armashka draws great, BUT Madinka cooks wonderfully.” Here the children do not understand their parents and are offended: it is not clear whether they were just praised or condemned? Does that mean Armashka is a bad cook, and Madinka can’t draw? Or how? Try not to combine praise into a single sentence, and everyone will understand as it should.

Consider the interests of all children. This rule flows smoothly from the previous one: do not force children to do what they do not want, either verbally or through actions. Of course, when they are still babies, it is so convenient to spend time together: play, walk, eat. But if there is a difference of 3-4 or more years between the children, then their interests will differ significantly, this applies to both their daily routine and leisure time. Leave the older child at home so that he doesn’t get bored with you and the younger one in the “adult” classes, and vice versa - don’t take the baby to a place where he will start to interfere with the older one in his “adult” activities.

Be fair. The most important point we left for last. Don’t make an older “nanny” for your younger brothers/sisters, don’t single out your “favorite” by investing all your money only in him, don’t expect the children to realize how difficult it is for you (including financially) - try to explain everything clearly without reproaches and threats. At the same time, children are much smarter than we think, they are capable of mercy, care, and they themselves can offer help if they see how hard it is for you.

Raise your children as individuals with individual views on life. Yes, it requires enormous work and dedication, but it is worth it. Do not force your children to be friends, just because you will be pleased; believe me, they will grow up to be worthy people who value virtue, and will begin to help and support each other of their own free will.

Our great-grandfathers and great-grandmothers rightly believed that children are happiness, and there should be a lot of happiness: that’s why before the large family was the norm...No, in fact, our ancestors simply gave birth as much as Nature wanted.

Nowadays, everything is easier and more difficult at the same time: on the one hand, conditions for children and parents dictate living conditions and financial situation. On the other hand, modern medicine allows you to have as many children as you want, without depending on nature. This means we have the opportunity to choose.

One child in the family.

It is traditionally believed that this is the best option for cramped cities. This choice of parents is dictated, first of all, by the desire to raise a child who is not financially deprived: it is easier to feed, clothe, educate one, and the child will have his own room. However, often the only children in the family feel lonely and begin to beg their parents for a brother or sister. That is why it is natural that only child in a family he gives parents two or even three grandchildren. Another disadvantage of such a family is the responsibility placed on the child - he must be the smartest, most talented and most successful, meeting all the expectations of his parents. Such children can grow up early, but you really want to be a child...

If you are planning only one child, firstly, make sure that he grows up in a society of peers: the child should go to kindergarten, and then into mugs.

Secondly, be able to explain to your child why you don’t want to give him a brother or sister.

Two children in the family.

They say that they definitely will not grow up to be selfish. In addition, the child will have a real friend. In fact, this is a cliche - children are often enemies and eternal rivals. To prevent this from happening, do not compare them under any circumstances, convince them that everyone is good in their own way and no two people are the same. Another problem is conflicts related to age differences. Perhaps, only those who are of the same age don’t have it, and if the difference is ten years... In any case, avoid the phrases: “He’s small, he can…” or “Don’t hurt him, he’s small”...

Three children.

Modern sociologists believe that three children in a family is the minimum necessary to prevent a nation from dying out. Another plus is that many of the problems inherent in families with two children are smoothed out. Among the disadvantages are financial problems. However, children should not only have food and clothing, but also understanding and faithful friends. But many conflicts between brothers and sisters smooth out over the years and develop into friendship. The downside for mothers is the prospect of ending their career, since three children require close attention. This is also a cliche: many successful women raised two or three children without compromising their careers.

In general, the choice is yours and it will be the right one in any case!

No matter how difficult the first pregnancy was, no matter how many complaints came from young mothers: about toxicosis, heartburn, pain, fatigue, it seemed what a terrible state pregnancy was, but very little time passes - six months, a year, the firstborn grows up a little and the mother thinks about second. Yes Yes! Again about this terrible feeling that they are ready to experience again and again! These women are amazing creatures.

When is the best time to have your second baby?

The first question that may arise when planning a second pregnancy is when can you give birth to a second one? Experts recommend not to rush into getting pregnant again; ideally, at least two to three years should pass after the birth of your first child. During this period of time, the mother’s weakened body after the first pregnancy and childbirth is able to fully recover. In addition, postponing your next pregnancy for several years will benefit not only your body, but also your first-born, because then you can extend the period of breastfeeding your baby, which will undoubtedly have a beneficial effect on his health. While when a new pregnancy occurs, continue breast-feeding It’s more complicated: the body has to “work on two fronts” - spend energy on developing a new life and maintain the proper composition of milk. As a result, it may turn out that the mother will be left with nothing: the older child will independently refuse the breast due to the fact that the milk has become tasteless, while the unborn child may suffer from a lack of necessary substances, the consequence of which may be malnutrition. The mother herself can acquire a whole range of diseases, one of which is anemia.

In addition, when observing pregnant women who give birth the same age, doctors were able to find out that when repeat pregnancy women experience toxicosis not only in the first half of pregnancy, but also in the second, and iron deficiency is also likely. On later pregnancy, there may be a risk of miscarriage or premature birth. And since the pregnancy period does not always proceed well, babies are born weak and underweight. That is why it is better not to rush into giving birth again.

If, on the contrary, the interval between the first birth and the second is long and amounts to more than ten years, then in fact the second pregnancy can be called the first. Over such a long period of time, the body has already forgotten all the skills of childbirth. And in most cases, the general health of an older mother is no longer as good as before. And therefore there is a high risk of pregnancy with unpredictable consequences. Often women over the age of 35 have gynecological problems, such as uterine fibroids, endometriosis and others, which can also affect the course of a second pregnancy.

Experienced mom

Many doctors note the fact that mothers who give birth repeatedly are much more responsible and disciplined than first-time mothers. They do not need to be regularly reminded of mandatory compliance correct mode day, nutrition, rest, they follow their own diets, spend a lot of time in the fresh air, regularly visit the doctor, take all the necessary tests on time and undergo examinations on time. Repeated women are psychologically prepared for changes during pregnancy. It is during repeated pregnancy that mothers become more relaxed, are not embarrassed by their interesting position and happily show off their belly to others.

Experienced mothers are much less nervous and afraid during pregnancy. In addition, the experience gained during the first pregnancy helps the mother to better navigate during the second pregnancy, to better feel and understand the unborn baby.

Features of repeat pregnancy

Repeated pregnancy is quite problematic to hide from others for a long time. Since the abdominal muscles, as well as the ligaments that hold the uterus in place during the first pregnancy, are stretched, during the second pregnancy your belly will increase before your eyes. That is why to the expectant mother If you are pregnant again from the 20th week, it is recommended to wear a prenatal bandage, which will relieve the load on the spine and legs. For many women with a second pregnancy, a prenatal bandage is a mandatory attribute not only at work, but also at home, during rest and rest.

Another feature of repeat pregnancy is that mothers who gave birth feel the first movements of the fetus already at the 18th week of pregnancy, since mothers who have given birth again already know what exactly to listen for, while first-time mothers may confuse fetal movements with peristalsis intestines.

If a woman had toxicosis during her first pregnancy, it is possible that during the second pregnancy the symptoms of toxicosis will intensify. In addition, if during your first pregnancy you were diagnosed with “high blood pressure”, “protein in the urine”, or you were tormented by edema, then during your second pregnancy you need to regularly take blood and urine tests, measure blood pressure, follow a diet and monitor possible excessive weight gain, observe the salt and water regime. And of course, it is necessary to warn the doctor observing you about past problems, he will help you avoid them, tell you what needs to be done, and that the pregnancy went smoothly.

During the first pregnancy, the fundus of the uterus, or as they say, the abdomen, descends approximately two weeks before birth, i.e. If the child prepares for the final stage in advance, then during a second pregnancy, the lowering of the abdomen is more difficult to notice: the baby’s head is pressed against the mother’s pubic symphysis immediately during childbirth.

During a second pregnancy, the cervix may be shorter. But only a doctor can determine this, and the doctor must also check how tightly it is closed. Closure of the cervix should be complete in any pregnancy, no matter what the number.

If during your first pregnancy there was a Rh conflict, then subsequent pregnancies will make you worry. After the first pregnancy, antibodies remain in the mother’s blood that tend to destroy the red blood cells of the fetus and can develop hemolytic disease of the child. To avoid this, you need to go to a specialized hospital for examination and further observation before conception. Mothers will have to take a monthly blood test for antibodies and monitor the amount using ultrasound. amniotic fluid(there should be no polyhydramnios) and the size of the placenta, which should not be thickened. All these problems can be solved if you know about them in advance.

The most important thing is that a woman knows in advance about possible complications during pregnancy, she is less nervous, and this in any case has a beneficial effect on the course of another pregnancy. But the expectant mother needs to be nervous and worry as little as possible.

Often, women's second pregnancy is much easier than the first. This fact can be explained by the fact that children are of different sexes: it has been established that in women expecting boys, toxicosis, for example, occurs less frequently. Sometimes children from different fathers behave differently.

Some mothers are convinced that the first pregnancy is always “overstayed”, while the second, on the contrary, is a couple of weeks shorter. But this is just a delusion. Childbirth occurs at the same time as before.

Repeated pregnancy after cesarean section

If your first baby was born as a result of a caesarean section, the mother should think about getting pregnant again no earlier than a year later: it is necessary to give the scars on the uterus a chance to heal. However, if you want a second baby, then you should not delay the second pregnancy: it is believed that over time the scar loses its strength and elasticity. The optimal difference between the first and second pregnancy should be 2-3 years, but preferably no more than 5 years.

It is the strength of the scar on the uterus after a cesarean section that will become the main problem of a second pregnancy. Even before conception, the expectant mother needs to undergo an ultrasound examination, which can objectively assess the condition of the scar.

C-section scar tissue is different from the inner layer of the uterus, the myometrium. As a result, if the site of attachment of the fertilized egg becomes on the anterior wall of the uterus, close to the scar, then theoretically this can lead to various unpleasant consequences, for example, subsequent fetoplacental insufficiency. But only theoretically: the placenta is an organ with great compensatory capabilities. For example, she can “grow” another additional lobe, which will provide the fetus with everything it needs. Therefore, if the problem is only in the scar, then the placenta will cope with it. In addition, a pregnant mother can always count on the help of doctors, who during each visit antenatal clinic will do the appropriate examinations: ultrasound biometry of the fetus and placentometry, in this case any deviation will be immediately noticed. The mother herself also needs to monitor her well-being; it is especially worth paying attention to painful movements of the fetus, which are often associated with scar dehiscence. However, even a very difficult pregnancy in a hospital setting, doctors will be able to “hold out” until the functional maturity of the fetus.

The time when after a caesarean section a woman was categorically forbidden to give birth in the future is behind us. Nowadays, it is not uncommon for not only a second baby to be born through Caesarean section, but even a fifth one. As they say, the main thing would be desire, but you can cope with difficulties.

Preparing our eldest child for a new family member

In addition to preparing for the upcoming happy event of the mother herself, the spouses need to prepare in advance for the arrival of a new family member and an older child. This is a rather important moment that needs to be approached competently. You need to prepare your child for the arrival of a brother or sister gradually throughout pregnancy; the most important thing in the preparation process is to let the child know that he is still loved. This moment is very important for the older child; he should not feel that with the appearance of a little one in the family, he will be loved less. If the child feels this, then the birth of the baby will be the same for him long awaited event, as well as for the parents themselves.

The course of pregnancy is laid down in the genetic program of the female body. But, fortunately, modern doctors have learned to intervene in certain aspects of this program. If your doctor has information about your first pregnancy, and ideally managed it himself, he will help prevent possible problems during a second pregnancy, and this only means one thing: very soon you will have a healthy baby.