Envy of a lonely girlfriend. Envious girlfriend: reasons, envy, what to do with a girlfriend and whether to continue friendship

In an ideal representation, friendship implies complete mutual understanding and disinterested willingness to come to the rescue at any moment. We call our friend at two in the morning, cry, ask to come and, sitting in the kitchen for a cup of tea, tell the sleepy “savior” that we were abandoned by a loved one. She yawns but listens. We see such a friendship as true, and we are ready the next time a friend needs help to come as well, no matter what the late hours. However, even in a clean barrel of honey you can find a drop of tar, which spoils everything. In female friendships, the role of this drop, as a rule, is envy.

Refusing is pointless - almost every one of us is jealous of her friend. And, funny, one envies the other, believing that she is more beautiful, successful and attractive to men, and the second will surely find a reason for envy of the first. So we are arranged - we always want to get what we think is better for a friend than ours.

There is an opinion that envy girlfriends of girls is taught in childhood. It’s not that special, but they teach, repeating from time to time: “Look how good Anna is: she gets fives, helps her mother, plays with her younger brother”. Mom does this for well-meaning reasons: she thinks that having given her daughter a real example to follow, she will achieve fives and help around the house. However, it turns out that now the girl wants to overtake Anya, but not because of the desire to become an excellent student, but only because she is envious of her successes. Against this background, nervousness and unpleasant feelings for a friend appear, which they set as an example.

When girls grow up, there are more reasons for envy: from crowds of fans to one single loved one, from promotion on the career ladder to the opportunity to sit at home and live at the expense of the husband.

“Happy you — you can allow yourself to do nothing, but I spin like a squirrel in a wheel,” it sounds harmless, but terrible thoughts fly through in the soul of an envious friend at that moment: “And why is it all that goes to her? He sits at home, lounges, only walks around beauty salons. And I go to work in the morning, home in the evening, dishes, linen, cleaning! Not fair!" And she does not know how to behave, - she seems to be sincerely friends, but at the same time envious. Maybe this is not friendship at all? Maybe all this is a lie? Doubts tear to pieces, and a smile on her face - she will never show that she is jealous.

This feeling really destroys a person, and his irritability, in the end, can become a reason for breaking the relationship. Is it possible to stop envious of a friend and begin to truly rejoice at her successes, without thinking that you deserve them, and not she? Here are some tips to help you.

Stop evaluating your success through the opinions of others

Often, those who are accustomed to evaluate their successes and achievements according to the criteria “envy - not envy” are often envious of friends. That is, for such people, the main indicator that they have done something well is admiration, even if not entirely sincere, from the outside. Own value system in such cases, as a rule, does not work. The only important thing is what others will say about you, and, most importantly, how they say it - if with a shade of “I would like that”, then everything is fine. That is why envy for them becomes so familiar that it is transferred to the closest people.

When evaluating how well you have done something, try not to rely on the opinions of others.

First of all, review your attitude to your own successes, achievements, and successes. Assessing how well you have done something, try not to rely on the opinions of others, relate the situation to the internal system of values \u200b\u200band focus only on it.

Do not compare yourself with a girlfriend

Let her a long-legged beauty, conquering men at first sight. But you are unlikely to find out if she needs this attention. Perhaps she secretly dreams of a clean relationship with her beloved husband, in whom you have been for several years. Moreover, constantly comparing yourself with another person, you are as if trying to “try on” his appearance, manner of behavior, position in society - in general, his whole life, meanwhile missing his own.

Rejoice at your successes, not others' failures

What a sin to conceal: if we envy the success of a friend, then her failure will cause us mixed feelings - from the desire to console to gloating, in which we ourselves are afraid to admit. But is this not an indicator of insincerity in a relationship? Do you really wish your friend all sorts of failures? Switch from negative thoughts to positive ones, and the latter should relate specifically to you. Always pay attention to your achievements and successes and truly rejoice in it. There is a double benefit to this approach: firstly, you will see that you are also able to be in something better, and secondly, you will begin to live your own life, not the life of a girlfriend.

If we envy the success of a friend, then her failure will cause us mixed feelings - from the desire to console to gloating.

Take your girlfriend not as an object of envy, but as a teacher

If you are jealous of her harmony, then it is not necessary to hate a friend for the fact that you are fuller. She is not to blame. By her example, she only gave you an incentive to become even better. Take it this way: a friend is your teacher, as soon as you understand that you envy her in something, it means that this is what you lack in life. Think and figure it out - is it really worth it now to change something to get what you want, or does the situation resemble the behavior of a child in a sandbox who saw that another peanut has a better toy?

Of course, easier said than done. But if you don’t talk about it, then you won’t be able to do anything. To get rid of envy, one must realize this envy, admit to the desire to get what a girlfriend has. As soon as you do this, half of the wish list will disappear by itself, you will see, and the second half will easily give in to “treatment” with the help of our tips.

Do you envy your friends? Only honestly :)
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Does the joy of your success cause strange emotions in your girlfriend? Increasingly, you notice "oblique" looks on yourself from a close friend? Do you think this is an accident? Are you tormented by doubts?

How to recognize that a friend is jealous of "black" and what to do about it? How to accurately determine that a negative envy has arisen on the part of a friend and is it worth avoiding such a person? The most common signs of envy and their explanation on the part of psychology.

5 facts confirming envy in your direction

1. Success? Not! Not good enough

The thing is that human psychology a priori puts its "I" in the first place. When telling about your successes, willy-nilly, a friend begins to compare herself with you.

“Can I do that?” I would have happened like that too? ” Of course, with the negative answer that such successes can not be expected - a friend begins to get angry. Only now, not for yourself. After all, it is common for most people to look for those responsible for their own failures. Why delve into yourself, “build” your life, reach some heights? If you can blame, though only in your head, someone else? Do you get the point?

Thus, step by step, the negative on the part of a friend begins to increase in your direction. There is no longer mention when the first time she was annoyed. Now, every time you say a word about your rise, like a litmus test, your girlfriend will "paint" in the role of a negative censurer.

2. And I have something better

You enthusiastically talk about a wonderful vacation, incredible nature, beautiful weather. And ... In response, you get a parallel story about the vacation of the interlocutor in comparison with yours.

Trying to compare with yourself, at the same time, to expose yourself in the best light, and publicly - is another sign of the emergence of negative envy on the part of a friend. As in the first fact, the mechanism of "protection of I" is triggered here.

“I’m better, but you’re worse!” Until recently, she’s trying not to “hear” about your successes, to interrupt with her own, “best” stories. She knows that your stories will annoy her.

3. Close and leave

Unwillingness to communicate, lack of interest in the positive events in your life can also be a signal of envy from a friend. This can be seen "in contrast." If a friend reacts to bad news, but, deliberately does not participate in the discussion of pleasant ones - an occasion to think.

From the side of psychology, everything is also extremely simple here. The envy, a positive assessment of you and your life, in comparison with your own assessment - does not allow you to calmly listen to new successes, development, achievements.

Moreover, as a rule, such an ignore may periodically be interrupted by unexpected occurrences “as if nothing had happened” when something happened in her life.

Surprisingly, in such situations, a friend is ready to hear about the failures.

4. Repeat but succeed

There is nothing wrong with this when a loved one tries to imitate, to be like you. This is especially good if you really have something to adopt, to do the same.

A “bell” can be a complete imitation of your behavior, style, etc. girlfriend, a fierce desire then to do better and show it to you. Thus, proving that you are somewhat worse.

Psychologists believe that any detailed imitation from the actions, appearance, actions of another person is associated with a slight deviation in the psyche. Of course, we are talking about primitive things, habits.

5. Bad game

The final factor signaling negative, envious emotions in your direction from a friend is excessive care, bloated compliments, constant reminders that your relationship is “the most sincere” and “most real”.

Any non-standard manifestation of feelings, obviously played out, is another defensive reaction of a person. How it works?

Somewhere in the subconscious, a friend realizes that something is happening to her. She notices for herself that the inner anger from your successes is growing more and more. It turns into one "lump of hatred."

Ridiculous compliments, "uti-ways", frequent rasushinovaniya about real female friendship - themselves break out of it. She believes that by saying this, you certainly will not think about the envy on her part. As they say, on the thief and the hat burns.

What to do, how to behave, if "everything came together" - a friend envies

1. talk about it

Banal, but the most effective advice. How else to understand the situation, if not discuss it? Tell your friend about your guesses, look at her reaction, discuss everything from and to. But, what if direct dialogue is not possible?

2. Reduce aggression

If you probably know what exactly a girlfriend enviously reacts to, try to remove this factor from her eyes. Just don't talk about it in her presence. Of course, advice is relevant when a person is really dear to you.

3. Pretend

Maybe you are flattered that they envy you? If this doesn’t “get on your nerves”, then why not enjoy the situation and leave everything as it is? Self-esteem will always be “on the level”!

4. English care

Curling up girlfriends is a nuisance for you? Can't discuss it? Doesn't feeling feel good? Try to take a temporary timeout in communication. Perhaps for her he too will "be on hand."

Of course, each story of the relationship between two women is individual. Someone suffers envy quietly, in his head, absolutely not showing any hints. Someone combines all 5 main signs of envy.

In any case, you always need to be honest with yourself, try to discuss disagreements with a loved one, try to get out of any situation with minimal losses for you.

It’s good to have friends!However, it is very difficult to understand how “real” they are. The reason is envy. Unfortunately, it is very common. Especially among the female population of the planet. What are girlfriends jealous of and how to deal with their envy?

Anything you want! We list what their envy can “touch”: new clothes, the appearance of fans, an expensive car, a new apartment, pregnancy, having a baby, visiting a solarium and a beauty salon, changing your image, having money, buying a summer house (country house), purchasing permits, graduation from a higher educational institution and obtaining a diploma, obtaining rights, participation and winning contests. There is much more that can cause envy among friends. But we will “stop” the listing to figure out what to do with this bad feeling. Live, knowing that you will be able to live like that! Do not pay attention to the “blackness” of thoughts and phrases. Get used to a whisper behind your back. If you don’t want to live like this, then start solving the problem in other ways!

How to deal with the envy of friends:

Altruistic method

Give the envious person the “reason” for her envy. She will be in shock, but she will be delighted and will understand that you spare nothing for her. It is possible that conscience will wake up in her (which until that moment had a sound sleep).

Tricky way

Stop communicating with that lady who is jealous of you! Ignore her calls, messages. Do everything possible so that she does not find out about how you live and what happens in your life.

Witchcraft option

Go to the fortuneteller (more likely) and ask her to see who specifically dared to envy you and why. Ask the woman to “divert” this bad feeling from you. Remember: for “magic” to work .... You need to believe in her!

Cardinal method from the envy of girlfriends

Leave the city (away from the person who harms you with his envy). Disappear from the life of this your “girlfriend” and stop considering her as such. At first it will be difficult and hard to get used to its absence, but time will help you do it!

Book way

Silent option

Stop sharing your joys and achievements. Learn to enjoy silently. Share your positive emotions only with “trusted” and chosen people! If you don’t completely trust anyone, then keep your thoughts within you.

"Disarming envy" method

What can “disarm” an envious person? Request for help! Ask her for something or wait until she “gives” you a request! Remember this. Then everything will turn out great.

Trusting Method

Enter full confidence in your envy. Tell her that you have a lot of problems. Share your concerns with her. You can also “embellish” something so that your girlfriend believes you one hundred percent! In general, real friends do not know how to envy "black" envy!If such a feeling "seeps", then the girl is most likely not a friend, but .... A fleeting person in your life!

From personal life ...

"What are friends jealous of?"

I'll tell you my story. She was very friendly with one girl .... Our friendship lasted for more than fifteen years. But one day it was all over. Because she told me that she was no longer able to "tolerate" my luck. I was really lucky often! I never needed money and men's attention. I always had a wonderful (high paying) job and a lot of fans! Violetta had nothing. I convinced her that everything was still ahead of her. She pretended to believe, but in fact for a long time she “nurtured” envy in herself. Vita knew everything about me. Up to the details of my intimate life! How I regret telling her everything! I understand that nothing can be changed, but I would like to do it! I would give all my savings in order to buy a real time machine! Unfortunately, I’m not a sorceress in any way, although I like to do good deeds! I had a friend Olesya. It was generally difficult to be friends with her! She complained to me about life, I listened to her .... And when she started to tell something about herself, what she told me: “don’t tell me how you are doing well, otherwise I’m upset.” However, I continued to be friends with her. And I felt sorry for her, and I liked her in many ways. After eight years, I could not stand it and moved away from her. Hinted to her that it was impossible to envy, but she did not want to listen to me! What did this lead to? First, to the fact that Olesya began specific "problems" in relations with his beloved guy. Then they got married, but soon divorced. I didn’t ask her anything. I just often follow her page on a social network to keep abreast of what is happening to her. There are such people…. I remember that I had to buy a laptop from her, which she won in some kind of lottery. We agreed that my husband and I would drive a taxi to her. She sent the exact address in the message. We called a taxi, took the money and drove to her. She brought out a laptop and looked at me with such eyes that I wanted to fall through the ground! Why is it better to live without envy? Because it can lead to terrible consequences! Through the fault of envy, a person can kill or cripple another. Recall, for example, treason, jealousy, or beauty contests. Now do you understand how complicated it is? Understanding is not everything! Do not hide the fact that you also experienced a terrible feeling of envy! All people on the planet “met” him. The fact is that there are those who have made attempts to "get rid" of it. And some continue to envy, not suspecting that by manifesting such a feeling, they “poison” bad luck with a person. It happens that not only bad luck, but also the "black bars", illness, depression. Do not envy your friends! Achieve all that you lack! Imagine that envy exists for lazy people. They do not want to achieve anything on their own. So it remains for them to be lazy. Laziness is a boring and not fruitful (empty) occupation.

What friends envy and how to deal with this you already know ...

Almost every girl has an envious girlfriend. It’s just that this envy is not always expressed openly. Quite often, it may turn out to be the closest woman-friend, the one who grew up with you since childhood, the one you would never have thought of until an unpleasant surprise had happened. How do jealous girlfriends behave? What to do about it? This is our article.

What is envy

Psychology interprets envy as an unpleasant feeling arising from the sight of other people's successes. Most of all, this feeling manifests itself next to those who are really close to us. If there are approximately equal conditions, but one person has success, and the other failure, the feeling of envy is stronger.

Why does a feeling of envy arise

Such a destructive feeling appears on the basis of a person's constant comparison of his personality, his life successes and achievements with strangers. This behavior is due to the lack of parental love in childhood, the constant reproaches of parents who compared their child with other children, pointing out the shortcomings. Such behavior creates self-doubt, fear of failure, anxiety and other negative programs that pass into adulthood. In addition, a child who is constantly accused of imperfection, grows up not only envious. He has a sense of guilt before his parents for their unfulfilled expectations.

Envy is a lack of information

Very often you can see smiling people. They behave nicely with others, look great, they succeed. If you are from such people, you can be congratulated. It is understandable why you are jealous. However, envious people have no idea how all these "fallen from heaven" blessings actually get. Only the tip of success is always visible, and the efforts spent on it are not known to anyone. Tell your friend about the price of your success, how much you have to work, than to sacrifice. Pay her attention to the advantages of the position in which she is. Tell her that she can go to a club or a movie, and you need to work all night, go to bed late, and start work again in the morning. You do not have time for yourself, there is no rest, there is no way to just sleep peacefully, for example, before lunch.

Why girlfriend began to envy

Above, we identified the underlying causes that prompt a person to envy others' successes. And now we will analyze the external causes that have become the key to launch:

You met your loved one and are now absolutely happy. This is the most common cause of envy if your girlfriend is single or in a relationship that does not suit her. You are happy, constantly say how wonderful he is, how many gifts he gave, what words he said. Such behavior makes her friend even more lonely and strengthens the feeling of her uselessness. Try not to talk to her like that. Rid your girlfriend of cloying details. Agree with your beloved that you will behave with restraint when you come to a lonely girlfriend together.
The presence of unique abilities. Talented people usually from an early age know what their highlight is. Grandmothers, mothers and fathers, who on time sent the child along the right path, made him a great gift. But not everyone is so lucky. Most people do not even guess what their true uniqueness lies in. As a result, many have a feeling of envy for those who are successful in some kind of creativity or in any other business.
High post. Often girlfriends are in the same workplace or roughly on an equal footing. But one thing is going uphill, and the second is very bad at hand. Maybe you and your girlfriend have a similar situation?
Beauty. The concept of beauty is very relative. Even flaws can be skillfully passed off as virtues. Small stature is fragility and femininity, a slightly full figure is appetizing forms. Even a scar on the face, if desired, can be presented in a favorable light. Another question is that some are able to do this, and the second are fixated on their own imperfection, are not able to discern their uniqueness, are ready to suffer day and night, because nature offended them, and someone just got a model appearance.
Someone else’s influence. Perhaps your girlfriend was not originally going to envy you, but someone was able to set her up against your successes. Perhaps there are people who inspire her that she is worthy of you, but the happiness has gone from her, and she has beaten to you.
Wounded pride. While you enjoy well-deserved success, a friend stays in the background. It’s hard to bear. This is especially difficult for those who have always had problems with self-esteem.
Evil character. It happens that people just do not know how to enjoy life and notice something good in the details. This requires some moral effort, and envy of the best friend is much easier. Sometimes anger skillfully hides under the pretense of friendliness, but only for a while.

We offer to talk about how to recognize an envious girlfriend. This insidious feeling can not always be seen immediately.

How to recognize envy

How do jealous girlfriends behave? We often interpret some of the signs as a desire to participate, to give advice. Are you sure your friendship is truly real? Check her for signs of an envious girlfriend:

Coldness in communication. Suppose you came to a meeting with a friend and show her a modest gift from your lover. If you hear in response that such a gift does not represent anything of value, this may be a sign of your girlfriend’s envy.
Criticism of your address. Envious people tend to have loser thinking. Successful people rejoice at the successes of their environment, perceiving them as their own. If a stream of endless criticism falls upon your every achievement, think about the sincerity of your friendship.
The desire to imitate. You bought a dress last week and boasted to a friend. And today she came to the meeting in exactly the same way. She copies your interests, lifestyle.
Too much interest in your relationship. She does not miss a moment to ask how you are doing with your loved one. Her envy makes you look for any negative moments in your relationship. As soon as she finds them, she will feel better and she will begin to portray ostentatious sympathy.
She is always with you when you have problems, but she is not there when everything is fine. As a rule, an envious girlfriend comes to the rescue one of the first. She wipes away tears, prepares sweet tea, and between things she pokes out all the details and gives advice to start a new life (quiet, calm, such as her own).
Flaunting emotions. She too demonstrates her joy towards you, so this insincerity is striking. At the same time, she constantly reminds how she rejoices from the bottom of her heart for you and does not envy a bit.

How to behave

Girlfriend is jealous of you. You know this, but you still can’t break off relations with her, and in the near future it is impossible to reduce communication to nothing. What to do? Do not talk about your successes. Talk about your work and relationships with your lover with restraint, leave out pleasant details that are pleasant for you. The less envy in your relationship, the better they will develop. Try to inform your girlfriend that privacy in conversations is a taboo that should not be violated. Let there be no talk of men in your territory.

Chat or not

If you have an envious girlfriend who not only suffers from her failures, but also tries to push the fortune away from you so that everything happens with her the same way, you hardly need such a person. You cannot rely on such a girlfriend, you can not trust anything to her, you should not expect help from her. Do you need to communicate with an envious girlfriend - decide for yourself. Think, perhaps it’s not only her fault.

Perhaps you yourself have become the cause of negative emotions on her part. Try to honestly answer these questions:

How much time in conversations with a girlfriend the topic revolves around your world, your successes, love and other components of everyday life.
How much time is spent on the experiences of a friend?
Do you support her? Are you trying to cheer up? Do you notice that she lost weight or did a beautiful manicure, went to driving courses or something else?
Ask the most important question: why did you make friends with her? Perhaps, against the background of her miserable life and failures, you feel more confident and better than it really is?

Remember, even the most negative situation can be turned into a positive one. How to do this, we will consider further.

How to help

A happy person does not experience negative emotions in relation to other people. When a good mood, it does not matter what the weather is outside. What are these thoughts for? If a friend is envious, this is no reason to delete her from her life. Try to take responsibility and help her. Of course, everything requires a delicate attitude.

Do not try to make it better and instill what is interesting to you personally. Think about your girlfriend’s merits. She sings well - fine, go to karaoke, let her feel like a star. Does your girlfriend cook well? Ask her, for example, to help prepare treats for the holiday table or party, praise her in front of the guests. You can say a lot of bad words about an envious girlfriend. And you can simply understand that she became so because of a sense of self-doubt, childhood injuries, a large number of complexes. Perhaps there are many more reasons that make a loved one deeply unhappy every day.

Projection

So you have envious friends. What to do if the positive option to correct the situation does not suit you? In psychology, there is the concept of projection. You may have heard the expression that the way a person expresses thoughts about others characterizes himself. So, the projection explains this. If other people seem to be envious, cheaters or rude, most likely, this is the person himself. He simply transfers his own shortcomings to others.

Temporary ignore

How to get rid of an envious girlfriend, if attempts to establish a relationship were unsuccessful? Try to keep your contacts to a minimum. Let her just become a friend in your eyes, with whom you occasionally call back. Try not to meet in common companies and keep conversations to a minimum. Maybe your temporary absence will force your girlfriend to reconsider her own views on friendship.

Talk frankly

Do not rush to plan how to get rid of an envious girlfriend. Try talking openly with her first. Find out what causes her to feel such a negative feeling. Perhaps after such a conversation you will be able to maintain relationships and even improve them.

Mystery to the rescue

We offer a conspiracy on how to get rid of an envious girlfriend. It is read before the moment when you are about to tell your girlfriend something important. This conspiracy acts as an energy cocoon. If you have already experienced negative consequences after talking with a friend, say the words nine times, repeating each time to yourself: "Your envy is gone, but my success is coming."

There are many conspiracy texts. We give one more. It is simple but effective. Take a glass of water and a tablespoon of sugar. Pour sugar into a glass, repeating the words of the conspiracy: "Just as water does not harm sugar, so you (friend's name) cannot harm me (your name)." After that mix sugar and drink.

It is difficult for you to be in the company of a friend, but she seeks to spend all her free time with you? If you have chosen her as your friend, it means that she has positive qualities. Help uncover them. You will be surprised how immediately everything will change for the better. Take care of your friendship.

Sometimes friends find themselves in a position where envy takes over. If a friend is jealous of you, then this can be seen on various grounds. Follow the nature of communication and analyze, perhaps it is neglecting you or moving away. Also pay attention to the general nature of the girlfriend’s behavior. Pessimists usually envy more often than others. If a friend is jealous of you, then discuss the problem and find a mutually beneficial solution. Strong friendship is quite capable of surviving envy.

Steps

Part 1

Follow the nature of communication

Trying to avoid you. An envious girlfriend may start avoiding you. In case of envy, your successes will reflect what she does not have. You may notice that an envious girlfriend began to avoid your company.

For example, you used to see each other often, but now she is "very busy" and is finding new excuses.
Perhaps she finds time for other people from your circle of friends, but not for you.

Girlfriend is not listening to you. An envious girlfriend will get tired of hearing about your successes. It may turn out that she does not show interest when you start talking about your work, study or new relationships. Perhaps she looks away, is distracted by the phone, does not react or does not ask questions.

Part 2

Pay attention to your girlfriend’s behavior

Pessimism. Envious people usually have a negative outlook on the world. They believe that others easily succeed, while their path is the most difficult. If a friend is jealous of you, then in conversations with her you can notice pessimistic moods.
- Pessimists generally react negatively to your new hobbies. For example, if you want to learn something new, then an envious girlfriend will bring a dozen reasons why you do not need it.
- An envious girlfriend is also pessimistic about herself. If you propose a solution to her problem, she will immediately figure out why it will be ineffective.
Girlfriend imitates you. Envy is often manifested in imitation. If a friend is jealous of you, then she may try to repeat after you to live a similar life. For example, she dresses just like you, imitates your tastes and manners, talks and jokes on the same topics as you.