Introvert how to communicate with him in love. An introvert man in a relationship! What do girls need to know? Benefits and problems

Introverts have a reputation for being reserved, shy, and even weird. Unlike extroverts, they accumulate energy when they are alone and not when they are with others. The typical introvert is very sensitive, which means they are easily hurt.

Introverts are great relationship partners because they are sensitive, thoughtful, romantic, and love deep, stable relationships. It may take a long time before an introvert will let you into their inner world, but it's worth the wait. Sometimes it is difficult to understand and accept some qualities of an introvert. Here are 7 things to keep in mind if you're going to date an introvert.

If an introvert says they want to be alone, don't take it personally.

No matter how much an introvert loves another person, they still need to spend a lot of time alone. For example, an introvert will most likely not want to spend every evening with you, as he needs time to go about his business. Let the introvert know that you accept him for who he is, ready to always give him personal space when he needs it.

If a person remains calm in an argument, this does not mean that he does not care

Introverts need time to think about what to say during an argument. They prefer calm discussions, not ready to give a quick answer if a negative situation arises unexpectedly. If you prefer to express all your thoughts at once, it may seem to you that some situation is indifferent to an introvert. Don't make that mistake. Of course, your partner cares, he just prefers to think about his position before explaining to you how he feels. One of the biggest fears of introverts is saying something you will later regret.

An introvert is easily confused

All people love it when their significant other lets them know they are special, but introverts can be shocked by public displays of affection and ostentatious gestures. If you want to send your partner a bouquet of flowers, order home delivery, not work. If you are going to have dinner together, book a table in the quietest part of the restaurant. Under no circumstances should you publicly express your feelings.

Introverts may seem reserved, but that doesn't mean they're weak.

Introverts are more likely to exhibit more modest behavior than the average person, but this does not mean that they are ready for any concessions. If you ask an introvert for a favor, they will carefully consider your request before deciding whether to help. Introverts care about doing what they think is right, not what is necessary for other people's happiness. If an introvert answers “no” to your request, it is unlikely that something will make him change his mind.

Introverts love deep conversations.

Most people, especially extroverts, enjoy just chatting, but introverts find it agonizing. They show tolerance for social interactions, however, this does not mean that introverts like fleeting conversations. They do not like to waste time on small talk that seems meaningless and superficial to them. Introverts are happy to support conversations about politics, philosophy, literature, and social issues. They are also interested in hearing about other people's hopes and dreams, but not what they watched on TV last night. If you want to impress an introvert, put the jokes aside.

Introverts are often attracted to extroverts.

The average introvert admires the ability of extroverts to connect with anyone, have fun, and make new friends easily. For this reason, introverts tend to seek out extroverted partners. In this case, opposites really do attract. A good relationship can develop between an extrovert and an introvert as they complement each other. For example, if you are an extrovert, your introverted partner may encourage you to think before making big decisions. If you're an introvert, dating an extrovert will help you get out of your comfort zone and learn how to calmly connect with new people.

It can take a long time before an introvert wants to meet your friends.

Most of the time, introverts are overwhelmed anyway. social situations, so they may be afraid to meet your family or friends. This will cause tension in the relationship. Do not be offended if your partner does not want to communicate with new people for several hours. This does not mean that he does not want to get acquainted with those who are important in your life. Just communicating with new acquaintances requires a lot of strength and energy from him.

If possible, introduce your partner to close friends and family one at a time rather than in a big group. Choose quiet places to meet. Then your partner will feel more comfortable. Ideal meeting place: cafe, park. Avoid bars, restaurants and other noisy places.

Building a relationship with an introvert requires the ability to understand the other person. If you understand psychological features an introvert, it will be easier for you to win the loyalty and respect of your partner. Your expectations must be realistic, then you can count on a long-term, rich romantic relationship.

On Saturdays, he drinks unfiltered beer in carefully filtered company. She considers any proposal to join a new party to be complete heresy.

And he also furiously ridicules the very idea that a person needs a person, and that, in general, it would be time to get out of his hole.

I'll never know how you managed to meet him, but if you need him - don't worry, we'll catch him!

Introverts. Why do we love them?

Such guys will not entertain the public with jokes about Varvara, but they can easily. Their strengths for women are just devilishly captivating!

In the eyes of an introvert there is some kind of mysterious, filled with meaningfulness.

Even when he doesn’t understand something, he still doesn’t understand very subtly, shrewdly and cleverly. If only because when you are silent, the chances of saying stupid things drop significantly.

They are slow. They know what they want and are steadily moving towards it. Well, women, airy and rushing creatures, are very calm next to those who are not sprayed and know how to look deeper.

Introverts don't like shallow water. If you have a huge unspent inner world, he will really appreciate it. It seems as if they have another personal space of their own.

What are introverts?

Male introverts are very different, but Carl Jung globally divides them (among other things) into emotional and logical subtypes.

introvert logician

“Crackers” and “icebergs in the ocean”, which you can’t get through with anything. The coldest type and, as a rule, such an introvert is closed quite consciously.

Often falling in love is not included in his plans, he does not need to loosen the nervous system. He likes to keep a sober mind and is frankly frightened when he covers: “What to do, how to be, where to run and who is to blame?”

How to attract?

We are all fascinated by opposites. Perhaps it is written somewhere deep in the genes. People with excellent gene pools have stronger and healthier offspring. Or maybe it's an eternal craving for what we don't have.

Therefore, cold introverts are usually drawn to optimistic, open and cheerful girls. Perhaps such a couple will be the most harmonious. Although to find mutual language it is more difficult for them, they are very different.

Introvert Ethic

Usually calm, but more open and gentle. Ethics are much more comfortable, and in a good mood they can even entertain the company instead of an extrovert.

But in general, they also need peace and quiet, and crowds of people exhaust them. They are easier and easier to understand relationships, compared to introverted logicians.

However, when trying to quickly reduce the distance, they deftly dodge, maintaining the inviolability of their territory.

How to attract?

Often, an economic and domestic introvert-ethicist needs a person who will pull him out of a safe haven into the open world.

He could do it himself, but business at home. Sat here, sat there. Computer, books, cat - well, you know, there is no time. Such introverts value inner subtlety in people most of all.

The ability to talk heart to heart, to provide new interesting information will also be a bonus for him in you. But most importantly, do not ask for business advice. As a rule, they are not strong in this.

Introvert Male Capture Strategy

Let's start with safety.

What not to do:

Copy his behavior

Psychologists have proven that we feel sympathy for people like us. And if we - consciously or not - want to fall in love with someone, then we try to behave in the same way as the object of sympathy.

Not worth it. If the two of you keep silent and keep your distance, this will not lead to anything - take matters into your own hands, only carefully.

Climb into the soul

Contrary to popular belief, every introvert craves to find a person who would like to plunge into his deep and contradictory nature.

He devotes a lot of time to his inner world.

And usually very happy with it. Even ready to share "acquired". But it's easier to hike Kilimanjaro than it is to get to this stage of a relationship with an introvert.

If you do not make tactical mistakes, over time he will begin to trust you.

invade his space

What happens if you visit an extrovert unannounced?

You can be overjoyed. Even being fed delicious treats prepared just in time for such an occasion.

If you suddenly swoop in on an introvert and be attentive enough, you can see how a spectrum of suspiciously gloomy emotions sweeps through his eyes.

Introverts don't like intruders.

They value personal things very much: things, time, space. Everything in the world for them has a very clear boundary between “mine” and “not mine”. And you can't cross the line!

throw tantrums

What introverts hate with all their hearts is tantrums. Especially emotional, noisy, with special effects in the form of flying dishes. The raised tone literally plunges them into a stupor.

When you try a loud quarrel, you can stumble upon an unexpectedly strong rebuff. And it is also possible to become a witness of a unique phenomenon: quantum teleportation introvert.

Here it was, but now it's gone! Only the cup remained. He'll take her later, by the way.

tactical guide

Moving on to practice ... These little nuances will help build relationships with an introverted man.

Listen

Remember: there is no better, more efficient and faster way get close to an introverted man than listen to him. It's the most important!

Find something he's really into. Bring him out to talk about it and be an interested listener. Thus, you literally diagonally shorten the distance to the circle of the elect.

Listen, understand, be interested, do not interrupt in any case.

be interested

Do not be afraid to show and even say directly that you like him. Just not in a stressful way. Don't demand an answer, especially if it's a logic subtype.

It may seem that in such matters he slows down a little. Well, yes, it’s just that the introvert is trying to understand the sphere of relations with the mind.

He needs time to weigh, structure information, collect data, take into account nuances, etc. Give him that time. But start the process.

Don't limit

Actually, everyone needs freedom, but for an extrovert and an introvert, these are slightly different concepts. It is more important for an extrovert to not be limited in activities, activities and communication.

Introvert - so that they do not burst into his world without knocking. Let him feel that you will not change his usual way of life. Such people are pleasant and safe for him.

Appreciate

The modern world is “imprisoned” for extroverts. They are brighter, it is easier with them, they are noticed.

Introverts know this. And, deep down, they themselves often consider themselves a little “out of shape”. Even if they like odes to extroverts or laugh that they simply do not want to spread the virus of show off and stupidity.

Do not allow him or yourself to believe in such nonsense.

Introverts are individualists, they think with their own heads and do not follow the crowd. They are generally less subject to social influence.

The attitude of an extrovert is as volatile as the currency exchange. But the attachment of an introvert is stable and deep. Appreciate it and never forget why you fell in love with him.

What's next?

And here it is! You slipped through the world of your beloved introvert man and even got to his Saturday gatherings. What to do now?

Develop, hear each other, love, respect, understand. Nothing new.

Is that one more, the last secret: spend cozy evenings together. Hugs are sometimes so effective that the rest of the psychology may not be needed.

We tell you how to find the key to the heart of an introvert.

We are all different in our own way. But there are special people who are far from being understood and accepted by everyone. These are introverts. But what if your husband is just like that? How to get along with someone who builds boundaries between himself and others and lets not everyone into his world?

Who are introverts

It is believed that these people are thoughtful, cautious, prone to introspection and philosophy. Unlike extroverts who express themselves through the environment, introverts need their own world with their own thoughts, dreams and experiences.

You need to understand that introverts and extroverts differ from each other in their way of thinking, their outlook on the situation, but this does not mean that they cannot find a common language. The main thing is to be attentive and know a few secrets in communication.

5 myths about introverts

The introvert is withdrawn even in relationships

If you love an introvert, you often feel as if you are outside of his world. However, this does not mean that the person is hiding something from you. An introvert just thinks, reflects, scrolls through the options in his head: he has no secrets from you, this is just part of the basic “firmware”.

Introverts can't step outside their comfort zone.

Actually it is not. An introvert can even pretend to be an extrovert for a while, especially if he is in love. So when he agrees to go to a noisy party with you, you can consider that you have been given special attention. And if you appreciate this act and celebrate it, the next time the introvert will step out of his comfort zone, perhaps even with more desire.

An introvert will never fall in love with an extrovert.

Not true. An introvert is able to admire and envy an extrovert: after all, he cannot charm entire crowds of people with the same ease, uncompromisingly open any doors and easily communicate even with strangers. True, it is still capable of pushing away: after all, an introvert will never be able to do it as easily. This means that an extrovert can get bored.

An introvert does not need understanding from others.

But this is not so at all. Everyone needs love and acceptance. Indeed, sometimes an introvert is very immersed in his own world, but it is equally important for him to keep in touch with his loved ones, especially if they respect and appreciate his features.

Introverts don't like to have fun

Just because an introvert doesn't like noisy gatherings and crowds of people doesn't mean they don't like to have fun. Many introverts actually have a great sense of humor. Only it can open up only with those whom it trusts.

Relationships with introverts should not be avoided. Among them there are wonderful, sensitive and loyal people. You just need to know some of the distinguishing features and do not forget to put them into practice. Then you can strengthen your feelings.

5 rules for getting along with an introvert

Respect his desire to be quiet sometimes

It is really important for an introvert to come home from work and be silent for an hour or two, buried in a book or computer screen. He just wants to take a break from the noisy office, sit alone. An introvert can only restore mental strength alone. And when he wants to talk, he will let you understand this, but for now it remains only to create comfortable conditions for him.

Listen carefully

An introvert is not the kind of person who will talk about himself something just like that. Therefore, treat his stories with attention and gratitude. It seems that this is a trifle, but this is how introverts let loved ones into their souls. And if you appreciate it, he will be very pleased.

Let him think before you start arguing

He goes over everything in his head, choosing his words carefully. If an introvert tries to clear everything up on the spot before he is ready, then you will not find a common language. And if you give him the opportunity to think it over, you will definitely know his position on a particular issue. Just rushing into a heated argument with an introvert will not work.

An introvert needs to know that you are happy.

An introvert needs to know that you are happy.

Yes, introverts are different, but they really want to make you happy. They need to know that you are happy with the level of activity they can afford to be around you and the depth of feeling they are sharing with you.

If an introvert has chosen you to share his life, it means that you are the person who is worth it to open heart and soul.

Appreciate his choice

An introvert values his time and is very picky about those he lets into life. So close person- this is not one of many, but the only one. Your partner won't always be ready to make the first move, so encourage him to have a frank conversation because he wants to know that you're interested in him and his opinion. Pay close attention to this. To listen means to show your love to an introvert. Introverts are great listeners and like to be given the same respect.

If you manage to tune in to the wave of an introvert, then you will have not only a faithful partner, a devoted and attentive person, but also true friend, who values not only his own, but also your personal space, ready to listen and not able to treat you dishonestly. You will discover the wonderful world of a person who thinks about a lot. He does not remain indifferent and is able to experience truly deep feelings. Perhaps, for the sake of this, it is worth taking a closer look at the introvert and taking a few steps towards

Pair of introvert and introvert: two against the whole world

Loneliness - a good place for visits, but poor for living.

John Billings

Many introvert couples I interviewed were very happy. They told me how they sat together and read, and at that time it was snowing and snowdrifts on the street grew and grew. They described the evenings spent playing backgammon together, how they rode bicycles in the forest, attended concerts. Many felt much less tension and pressure than in their childhood in their families. I suspect that two introverts form a good partnership. But even if you are quite satisfied with your relationship, it happens that too much of a good thing becomes a habit.

A couple of introverts came to me for psychotherapeutic help: after seven years living together the couple felt that boredom was creeping into their relationship. Pat said, "It's the same every night: we stay at home, watch TV or read." Tony agreed: “I understand that I have to do everything with Pat. But sometimes I would like to go somewhere with friends.

This is precisely one of the problems of the introverted couple: they lack external stimuli and friendships with other people. No relationship can normally exist and develop under the pressure of excessive needs and expectations.

Remember the dance marathons popular in the thirties? The man and woman danced incessantly, even managing to sleep while dancing in order to be the most enduring couple and win the prize. They whirled and whirled until at last one of them collapsed from exhaustion. In the union of introverts, it may happen that one or both partners freeze in one place, after which the relationship becomes dead. If you are used to doing everything or almost everything together, the opportunity to spend free time apart will scare you. Even if you are already a little tired of everything, the thought that you can have fun without a partner will cause a feeling of discomfort.

If people have been closed in on each other for too long, then any difficulties - for example, illness, problems with a child, or losing a job - can ruin everything. A relationship that denies stagnation reminds me of the popular children's book Drummer Hoff by Barbara Amberley. It's a touching tale about soldiers assembling cannon parts to put them together to build a cannon and fire it. As the cannon was assembled, the turmoil and impatience grew. Private Parrock carries the wheels, Sergeant Chodoh carries the gunpowder, Captain Rombal carries the ramrod. The affair ends with a huge "boom and fuck!!!" as drummer Hoff yells "Fire!"

Benefits and problems

Benefits of being an introvert couple

They listen carefully to each other.

Show patience by thinking about different things.

Understand that everyone has needs for solitude and silence.

They have less conflict.

Problems of a pair of introverts

They may lose contact with the outside world.

They can perceive all events in terms of importance for themselves personally.

May avoid discussing conflicts, disagreements, and meeting everyone's needs.

They place too high emotional expectations on each other.

Sometimes an introverted duo can successfully ignore their problems until some event brings partners out of their complacency. As a rule, in this case, the relationship is shattered. Such a couple is much more likely to survive threats from the outside if they pay attention to the routine of their lifestyle in time and try together to find a way to subtly and gracefully get out of the current situation before everything explodes.

Getting off the usual track

- Analyze if there is any stagnation in your relationship. Ask each other if you feel like the relationship is stuck in one place.

– Expand your social life, meet with friends or another married couple once a week.

- Get out of the house more often. Once a month, arrange a date with each other outside the home. Organize it in order.

- Stretch your muscles in your own way. It is absolutely normal when everyone has their own friends and personal interests.

Talk about how different you are both and why it's good for the relationship.

- Pay attention to whether you blame your partner for the lack of fun in your relationship; take turns taking over the functions of the "spark" (ignition mechanism).

– It is quite natural to have your own views on something. This is completely different from destructive secrets (love affairs on the side).

Discuss your needs for free time. Are they the same or different?

– Think of something unexpected that you can do together: go to some interesting place, go to a new restaurant, eat your favorite ice cream, or go to bowling if you have never done this before.

– If conflicts start to scare you, read Tip 2, which you will find in the next section, and try the conflict resolution technique.

– Ask your partner if he has secret desire and then help make it happen. For example, if your spouse has always wanted to go to Nepal, get at least a book about this country. If your wife dreams of becoming a first-class cook, enroll her in a French cooking class at a local culinary school.

From book Psychological tricks manager author Lieberman David J

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