The emergence of Christian marriage. Orthodox marriage
Answer: Although this is more of a remark rather than a direct question, I will try to express my point of view on this problem, especially since similar questions concern many people, and I have already had to answer them before.
I agree with dear Father Maxim: starting a family is always a risk. Like any difficult and important matter. Such as, for example, the opening of a new enterprise, the construction of a large facility, or the birth of a child. Isn’t a woman, especially a believer, for whom abortion is a grave sin, at risk when she conceives and then gives birth to a baby? After all, an ectopic pregnancy, various complications, the threat of miscarriage and, finally, the risk of dying during childbirth or giving birth to a disabled child are possible. No one is immune from these and other dangers. But, nevertheless, almost every family, knowing about these dangers, takes risks. Or another example: driving a car. Every year 30 thousand people die on Russian roads. This is twice as many as our soldiers died in Afghanistan during the nine years of war. And how many more people remain crippled and lose their health in road accidents every year! But, knowing all this, everyone continues to use vehicles, and some work as drivers. But every sane person, starting an unsafe business, tries to reduce the risk as much as possible. This is also said in the Gospel: “For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost, whether he has what it takes to complete it, so that when he lays the foundation and is not able to complete it, all who see it begin to laugh? over him, saying: This man began to build and could not finish? Or what king, going to war against another king, does not sit down and consult first whether he is able with ten thousand to resist the one coming against him with twenty thousand? Otherwise, while he is still far away, he will send an embassy to him to ask for peace” (Luke 14: 28–32). An example with the same driving a car: who will get into accidents more often - a driver who has completed a training course, drives carefully and follows the rules, or a person who bought a license without really learning to drive, often breaks the rules and is also prone to recklessness ? I think the answer is obvious. If a woman wants to reduce the risk during pregnancy, she must also follow the rules: take care of herself, eat well, do not lift heavy objects, and see a doctor. If she carries heavy bags, smokes, drinks alcohol and does not care about doctors’ recommendations, then it is very likely that her pregnancy will end in failure. Of course, there are very small chances that, despite all this, the Lord will still save her and the unborn baby and she will safely give birth to a healthy baby - there are such cases. But it is clear to anyone that the risk for such a woman in labor increases many times over.
Now about marriage. If a Christian wants to live according to the will of God and save his soul, he must be guided not by his own “truth”, but by the Truth of God, which is set out in the Holy Scriptures and in the writings of the Holy Fathers, that is, in the Holy Tradition, as well as the instructions of his conscience and advice spiritual father. If he lives according to the principle: “my will be done,” I will live as I want, and the Lord will somehow manage there (after all, life is a risk anyway), he commits a great sin, deliberately goes against God and exposes himself to great danger .
The Holy Scriptures teach us about marriage. I will not present it in detail now with numerous quotes - everyone can find them themselves if they wish. I'll be brief. The Lord gives us rules for family life. These are: 1) mutual marital love and hierarchy, in the image of the love and hierarchy of Christ and the Church, 2) preservation of purity before marriage and fidelity in marriage, 3) indissolubility of the marital union (except for the guilt of adultery): “what God has joined together, let man not separates" (Matthew 19:6). If we build family life according to these spiritual laws, we can protect our family from many troubles and find marital happiness. Of course, there are cases, like the one described in the above comment, when church virgin young people do not find marital happiness and their marriage falls apart. But, if you look at the situation as a whole, divorces, infidelity and family scandals are much less common in church families. There, these phenomena are exceptions, but in other, non-believing families, they are common and even natural. Christian families are falling apart not because the rules of Christian family life are bad, and not because the Holy Scriptures are outdated, but because we are such Christians - Orthodox Christians of the 21st century, who have forgotten what true love, family, and patience are. After all, in order to create a strong and happy Christian family, only external correct conditions are not enough. Our personal work and the feat of family life are necessary. The Monk Seraphim of Sarov said that for salvation it is not enough just to pray, fast and go to church, you need to “acquire the Holy Spirit.” So it is in family life. Certainly, the right conditions they help us and reduce risks, but the main thing is to acquire and preserve the spirit of love. True, sacrificial marital love is the content of marriage, and the right conditions are the form.
As Father Maxim Kozlov again correctly noted, there is a special care of God, His Providence for each specific person and for each married couple. Because every person has his own path to God. Someone in childhood did not receive an Orthodox upbringing, grew up in a single-parent family and “played tricks in his youth” - he has only one demand, God’s only care for him. And it may very well be that this person, after his sincere repentance and awareness of his mistakes, the Lord will give another chance for happiness. Or vice versa: a person grew up in a priestly, friendly family, but deliberately followed the path of sin, fell into fornication before marriage, cheated on his wife during marriage, got divorced and entered into a second marriage - it is clear that the demand from him will be completely different: “who much has been given, much will be required; and to whom much has been entrusted, they will require more from him” (Luke 12:48). Yes, the Lord has a special view of everyone, but that’s why it’s special, which is not for everyone. And for all of us there is a common plan of God: to be saved and build a life (including a family life) according to the commandments, according to the Gospel.
You gave a very specific example: the couple went through a turbulent youth, each had several marriages and several children from these marriages, went against the blessing of the priest, got married, and everything is fine with them. Sorry, but as a clergyman who regularly receives confession, I cannot agree with this. Constantly confessing to people who are not in their first marriage, I know how they, their spouses and children suffer from all these mistakes, and most importantly, how they themselves suffer from pangs of conscience. No one normal person will not argue that marriage should be created once for a lifetime and that this is much better than going through trial, error and sins. No person can simply erase negative experiences from life, forget everything. horrible dream. Even after repentance and confession, the consequences of his sins will be with him. There will remain his ex-spouses, children from previous marriages with whom he needs to communicate, as well as memories of past relationships and the habit of sin. This means that “everything is fine” can no longer be. But this is a topic for another discussion.
Question : I divorced my husband: we were unbelievers, young. She got married a second time. Is true love possible in our marriage, because I committed a great sin, or is it fornication, passion? Now I am a church person, I even work in a church; my current husband rarely goes to church, but he believes in God.
Answer: Yes, the great tragedy of our people is their isolation from their spiritual roots. The 70-year-old atheistic captivity has done its dark work, and the consequences of this godlessness will affect us and our descendants for a long time. Most people came to the Church after going through a lot, making many mistakes and sins. But the Lord came to earth for this purpose, to give hope to every person. And Christianity is a religion of resurrection; The main task of our faith is the resurrection of the human soul. How is it done? Through baptism and repentance. Rus', of course, has already been baptized, and more than 80% of us have been baptized, but the Holy Fathers call repentance and confession a second baptism, only not with water, but with tears. Many, repenting of great sins, ask: “Will God forgive me or not forgive me?” This question arises from a misunderstanding of repentance. As if there is some kind of offended Divine dignity that awaits satisfaction and punishment for the criminal. God is all-perfect Love, He has long forgiven us all, taking upon Himself our sins and sacrificing Himself for us. But He is waiting for our personal repentance, and we need: firstly, to admit that we are sick, and, secondly, to take the path of correction - for our own good. If we don’t repent, we won’t correct ourselves, but God wants our salvation. After repentance, you have a lot of work to do on yourself, on your mistakes, and, of course, it won’t be easy. The greater the sin, the greater its destructive consequences for us and the people around us. Sin is a spiritual disease. Diseases have different degrees gravity and shape. There is a runny nose, it is treated quickly, but there is tuberculosis, it takes a long time to be treated, it is not easy and the consequences remain. Fornication, adultery, family destruction - diseases that affect many modern people. Sins are serious, and they are not easy to heal. The Church, healing illnesses of the soul, after confession, prescribes penitential penance, depending on the severity of the sin. Of course, the terms of penances that are given in church canons are not applicable in modern Russian reality, therefore penances are given by confessors as best they can, based on the specific situation, the capabilities of the penitent and the degree of his church involvement. Let me give you an example. Most women in our country have had abortions. For abortion, according to the 2nd canonical rule of St. Basil the Great, one must be excommunicated from communion for 10 years. Can you imagine what will happen if we excommunicate all these women for such a period? But many of them had more than one abortion. After such a rebuke, some will never come to church again, so penance is now being given as much as possible - because of the weakness and de-churchedness of our people.
Of course, Holy Scripture tells us about monogamy. And the Lord indicates only one reason for divorce - adultery of one of the spouses (see: Matt. 19: 9). According to church rules, if a marriage broke up due to adultery, the injured party was allowed to enter into another marriage. Remarriage was also allowed due to widowhood. Nowadays the Church condescends to the weakness of people, due to the above reasons. This is what is said in the “Fundamentals of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church,” a document adopted at the Council of Bishops in 2000: “The Church does not at all encourage second marriage. However, after a legal ecclesiastical divorce, according to canon law, a second marriage is permitted to the innocent spouse. Persons whose first marriage broke up, was dissolved due to their fault, entering into a second marriage is allowed only on condition of repentance and fulfillment of penance imposed in accordance with the canonical rules.”
You are asking whether your second marriage is fornication, passion, or is it still a marriage and love is possible in it. Of course, your union is not fornication; it is a legal marriage, although not the first. In the rite of weddings for second-weds, even if widowers are getting married, penitential motives are very clearly visible, and the wedding takes place without crowns, as a sign that the spouses are no longer virgins and are remarrying. The Church has always treated a second marriage as an acceptable weakness.
Now about love. Of course, love is possible in your marriage. The commandment to love is central to the New Testament. And if it so happens that people entered into a second marriage, they also have the opportunity to love and be loved.
I would like to talk a little about the difficulties and even dangers of remarriages. Yes, repentance cleanses our sins, and the Lord, in His mercy, forgives them, but we have already said that very painful consequences inevitably remain.
You can often hear stories from movie and pop stars and all kinds of public people about how happy they are in their fourth or fifth marriage, how well they get along with their ex-wives and husbands. And many people have the impression that everything is very easy and simple: if you weren’t lucky in your first marriage, it doesn’t matter, you can try again, and finally “my attempt No. 5” will bring happiness. Of course, the real life of stars is a sealed secret for us, but we still know something about them. It is known, for example, that there are simply no more unhappy people in family life than artists, singers and poets. In this community, a close-knit family and lifelong love are a rare exception. Can their revelations be trusted? I remember the story of the actor Stanislav Sadalsky. He once said something like this: “Sometimes it’s funny for me to hear the stories of my fellow artists about what a wonderful family they have and how much they love each other. After all, I know that there are such horns on each side that they can no longer fit through the door.” But it happens the other way around: in interviews, stars share details of “terrible” family scandals specifically to “promote themselves,” create additional advertising for themselves, and draw attention to their person. It can be difficult to understand where is real life and where is another feature film. Creative people are generally not an easy people. I have had occasion to confess to professional artists and poets: these are special people. Their working tool is the nervous system. They themselves admitted that often in ordinary, real life They cannot disconnect from their performance on stage, they live in their roles and images, and continue to play them in life. This is their big problem.
A family psychologist with 20 years of experience, Irina Anatolyevna Rakhimova, once told me that, unfortunately, with artists, as a rule, everything is shallow. They usually take mutual infidelity lightly. But they don’t have deep feelings or strong love. For some time they sincerely believe that they are in love, that they are happy, and then, when emotions cool down, they easily part. In addition, it is possible to judge whether a marriage was a success or not only after a long period of time has passed.
But let's go down from the starry Olympus to earth. What about us, ordinary people? Let me give you a few examples showing that past sins and mistakes of youth can greatly interfere with family life. Middle-aged spouses from the Moscow region came to my church. Nice, friendly family; it is clear that they love each other. But this is my husband’s second marriage; he has a son from his first marriage. And this man repeatedly told me that when he has to meet with his ex-wife on business, he has the strongest lustful thoughts and temptations, he begins to be very tormented by memories of their past life and he can barely cope with himself so as not to change his current one. wife. He cannot avoid communicating with his first wife, since he must see his son and also help her with money.
Another friend of mine, let's call him Gennady, was married twice. Both marriages broke up, there are children from both wives. The children are still small, he is forced to communicate with them on the territory of their mothers. When he comes to them, he periodically has an intimate relationship with one or the other, despite the fact that Gena is a believer, a church person.
Alexander and Nadezhda cohabited for about a year, then got married and got married. Alexander had another woman before Nadya. Now the couple go to church, regularly confess and receive communion. But Nadezhda began to be tormented by attacks of jealousy; she often reproaches Sasha for having a mistress before her. And Alexander now often compares his wife with his “ex” - unfortunately, not in favor of his wife.
Here's another example. A very young couple from the Vladimir region. They came to the Church already married; before marriage they had physical relations with each other, but did not live together. Before we met, we also led a not very chaste life. They have been leading church life for several years now, often going to confession and communion. But the past life does not want to let go. At the wife's meeting with former friends several times it came almost to fornication; Thank God, she found the strength to stop in time. The husband, suspecting something was wrong, began to be jealous, and conflicts and quarrels became more frequent in the family.
In addition to problems of a spiritual nature, other pitfalls may lie in wait for second marriages.
For those who have not encountered the problem of remarriage, it may seem that a divorced person with “experience” will have a much easier time in family life than someone getting married for the first time. Still would! A lot of baggage has been acquired, bumps have been filled, and now there is every chance of not making a mistake in choosing and building the right relationship in marriage. Unfortunately, there are very few cases where people actually learned from past mistakes and would not step on the same rake again. Why? People tend to see not their own mistakes, but to blame others for everything: “It’s not my fault that our marriage broke up; I was just unlucky; I got a very unsuitable spouse, but in the second or third marriage everything will be different.” And in a new marriage everything turns out exactly the same. For some time, the spouses live in perfect harmony, and then the option with the first marriage is repeated. Without admitting your guilt in what happened, without a deep analysis of your mistakes and your behavior in general, there will be no normal relationships in a new marriage.
One of my female psychologist friends highly recommended that those who have experienced a breakup (by the way, not only in marriage) should not make new acquaintances for some time - a year or more - but start working on themselves, their spiritual growth, in order to understand: what is preventing me from being happy in marriage , what are the disadvantages? why did our union break up? Only then there is a chance of happiness in marriage. I must say that with such a correct approach, sometimes it is possible to restore a broken marriage, and I am a witness to this. The advice “not to rush into creating a new union” is also valuable because the temptation to start looking for a new relationship immediately after a divorce is very great. And most often, nothing good comes of this: hasty creation of a family is often done to spite the first spouse, or a person seeks quick consolation in a new marriage, that is, he is guided not by love, but by some of his own selfish interests. Sometimes offended people want to increase their self-esteem by entering into a new marriage. The consequence of all this haste is a bad choice and further family problems.
In any case, a new marriage does not always start from scratch; people with “experience”, voluntarily or unwittingly, bring into the new family those wrong attitudes, errors in communication, false patterns of behavior that interfered with them in their first marriage and contributed to its collapse. This is something we need to seriously think about.
In conclusion, I would like to say about the most important thing: what should people do who did not preserve their first union and created a new family? You need to start, of course, with confession, even if you are the victim. The fault in divorce is almost always mutual. Moreover, without seeing your guilt, your mistakes, you will repeat them in a new marriage. The second thing to do is to produce “fruit worthy of repentance” (Matthew 3:8), that is, try to live so that in a new marriage you not only do not repeat old sins, but also constantly cultivate and strengthen your love and relationships . You must create a Christian family, focused on true love, patience, humility and mutual concessions. Of course, constant prayer to God asking for help in family life and mutual prayer of spouses for each other are necessary.
The previously mentioned I.A. Rakhimova strongly advises people who have entered into a new marriage to especially pay attention to the basic law of family life: to make another person happy. Do not look for consolation in a new marriage only for yourself and solutions to your own problems, but fulfill the commandment to love your neighbor.
And, of course, use the negative experience of your past life in order not to repeat previous mistakes in a new union. I would also recommend reading more good books about family and marriage and constantly think about how to improve your family life. Marriage is not an easy thing, and even more so for second marriages.
Question : My husband left his first wife and married me, we are separated. His previous marriage was consummated, leaving behind a child. Recently, he and I also had a son. It turns out that I broke up my family. What do we do now? My husband and I have just begun to take our first steps in the temple.
Answer: Of course, your husband committed a sin, and you are - at least indirectly - to blame for this. If your union was not a legal marriage, but simply cohabitation, I would definitely say that your husband needs to return to his previous family, but you and he are in a legal marriage. And even if he leaves you now, returns to his first wife and tries to restore his previous marriage, it remains to be seen whether he will be able to revive his past family, and your new marriage with him will be destroyed. I think we should leave everything as it is. What happened, happened, you can’t return the past, you need to live in the present. What's in the present? You have a family, you have a son, he needs a dad and mom who love him and love each other.
You are just beginning your journey in the Church. It needs to start with repentance: both you and your spouse need to confess and suffer penance from the priest for your sin. Sin is serious, and only spiritual life according to the commandments, regular confession and communion can help you heal spiritual wounds.
Question : How to deal with lustful thoughts and immodest views of people of the other sex, when in spring and summer most girls and women wear immodest, revealing clothes? It is very difficult to fight sinful thoughts and desires. And how to maintain your eyesight at work if you are surrounded by beautiful young women?
Answer: Any sin - fornication, drunkenness and anger - begins with the acceptance of a thought, the thought of it. For example, a man went into a store to buy something, and his gaze fell on the display case with alcoholic beverages. And suddenly the thought: “Should I grab a bottle of fortified red to drink this evening? Or better yet, two.” If he coped with this thought, overcame it, or was distracted, he committed no sin, but if he agreed with the thought and brought it to life, he committed the sin of drunkenness. The same thing happens with the thought of fornication. At the beginning he appears (most often through some kind of visual, visual image), then the person accepts it and commits mental fornication, and then real fornication or masturbation. In the ascetic patristic literature all this is described very well and in detail. Sinful thoughts are a common thing; most often they are instilled in us by the devil himself. The Holy Fathers teach us not to consider them our blood property, not to be afraid of them, but also not to talk with them. The most important task is to learn to cut off thoughts in time, when they first appear on the border of our consciousness.
Yes, indeed, it is difficult for a modern man, a modern Christian, to keep his vision and mind clean. It's difficult, but it's possible. Sin begins when we look at a person with lust, as it is said in the Gospel: “...everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5: 28) - when we abandon immodest, prodigal views. In general, you need to be very careful with your views. If we have a weakness in our souls for the fair sex, we know this weakness, we need to try, while on the street, in the subway and in other public places, to “stare” around less. It is generally impolite to stare at people, and there is certainly no benefit from it. One girl I knew said that her favorite pastime in public transport is to look at the passengers: how they are dressed, what their faces are like, what they might be thinking about at the moment. This activity is very unhelpful. Why? You can commit several sins at once: condemning a person for appearance or facial expression, envy or be seduced by that same lustful thought. So it’s better to say a prayer, read or listen to something on headphones than to stare around.
If we know that we are very seduced by the female body, the first thing to do is not to fix our gaze on immodestly dressed women. So, a photographer is looking for something to photograph, but he doesn’t photograph everything; if he doesn’t need an object, he simply moves the camera. But if he aimed and already “clicked”, then this image has already remained with him, in his camera, and the photographer will then examine it. And we, ordinary people, therefore need to record, “photograph” only what we need. If we fix our attention on women, it is very easy to then accept a lewd thought, an image and begin to commit mental sin with her. We need to notice less about beautiful women around us, not be glued to them with our eyes, perceive this diversity of dresses and bodies as a kind of background, look at the main thing, at what we really need.
Second point. The sin is not in the look, but in the attitude. How do we perceive a woman: as a target for lust or as something neutral, not ours? Let me give you an analogy. Imagine that we are in Moscow, somewhere on Tverskaya Street. There are luxury cars all around: Audi, Mercedes, Land Cruisers; sometimes even a Bentley flashes by... But we have modest Zhiguli cars, or we generally walk. And now we have a choice: either fall into sin (envy, lust, condemnation), or simply not pay attention to all this auto splendor, and maybe even be happy for the owners of foreign cars. Yes, it’s beautiful, prestigious, comfortable, but it’s not mine and, most likely, it will never be mine.
It’s the same with views on women. This especially applies to married men. As he says folk wisdom: “The demon puts a spoonful of honey into someone else’s wife.” For a married man there should be only one woman - his wife; he should evaluate only her as a woman.
Now about the team. Here, too, we can protect ourselves, even if we communicate with beautiful women every day. After all, a person myself gives himself permission: I’ll look at this one, but I won’t look at this one - it’s not mine. Only myself. Let's imagine that some young man has a beautiful sister, who also does not dress very modestly. Or his mother is still young and beautiful. But even if this young man does not adhere to strong moral principles, he still will not get inflamed by them, commit mental fornication with them. He, of course, will fight these thoughts and desires in every possible way. After all, this is unthinkable, forbidden, this is my mother and sister! So you can fight? So we need to imagine that all the women who seduce us are our sisters and treat them like family, with respect, but without lust. Can't see them seductive woman, but a person with whom you can communicate (with caution, of course), who you can help if necessary, for example, for work, but no more. As St. Theophan the Recluse writes, when communicating with women, you need to learn to keep your heart on a leash and look at them “through the eyes of children who look at women purely, without bad thoughts.” I remember one famous musician told how his attitude towards young female fans who attended his concerts gradually changed. In his youth, they seduced him, he looked at them with lust, but over time, somewhere after 40 years, when his children had already grown up, he began to look at the fans as his adult daughters, no longer with unclean thoughts.
Z Hello, dear visitors of the Orthodox island “Family and Faith”!
AND It would be wrong to talk about what a high percentage of divorces occur in our 21st century... And all because it is too frivolous and frivolous attitude to such an important step in life as marriage. Like, I’ll get married, live a family life, and then immediately get divorced. And no one will blame me for this, since most people do this.
In fact, marriage is a sacred life, blessed by God Himself!
The Holy Fathers write the following about violators of this marriage:
Divorce
From the collection of Yuri Maximov
WITH Saint John Chrysostom writes: “To divorce is contrary to both nature and the Divine law. Nature - since one flesh is cut, law - since you are attempting to divide what God has united and did not order to be divided.” He advises to be patient and try to correct the shortcomings of your spouse, instead of rushing to destroy the marriage: “Just as during illness we do not cut off a sick member, but heal it, so we will do the same with our wife. If there is any vice in her, then do not reject the wife, but destroy the vice.”
Saint Philaret of Moscow gives similar advice: “Can’t need excuse a deviation from the marriage law, for example, when someone is looking for another marriage from an unhappy marriage? - No way. What could be more unfortunate than a husband whose wife is so insane that she needs to be kept on a chain? But the church rule says that even in this case he should not leave her and look for another. Whoever suffers an unhappy marriage according to the inscrutable fate of God must endure it as a test from God, and whoever suffers as a result of an unreasonable choice must endure it as a punishment for his recklessness.”
From these words it is clear that “The Church insists on lifelong fidelity of spouses and the indissolubility of Orthodox marriage, based on the words of the Lord Jesus Christ: “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder... Whoever divorces his wife, not for adultery, and marries another, commits adultery; and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:6, 9). Divorce is condemned by the Church as a sin, because it brings severe mental suffering to spouses (at least one of them), and especially to children. The current situation is extremely worrying, in which a very significant proportion of marriages are dissolved, especially among young people...
The Lord called adultery, which desecrates the sanctity of marriage and destroys the bond of marital fidelity, the only acceptable basis for divorce. In cases of various conflicts between spouses, the Church sees its pastoral task as using all its inherent means (teaching, prayer, participation in the sacraments) to protect the integrity of the marriage and prevent divorce...
In 1918, the Local Council of the Russian Orthodox Church, in its “Definition on the reasons for dissolving a marriage, consecrated by the Church” recognized as such, in addition to adultery and the entry of one of the parties into a new marriage, also the apostasy of a spouse from Orthodoxy, unnatural vices, inability for marital cohabitation, which occurred before marriage or was a consequence of intentional self-mutilation, leprosy or syphilis, long-term unknown absence , conviction to punishment coupled with deprivation of all rights of the estate, encroachment on the life or health of a spouse or children, daughter-in-law, pandering, benefiting from the indecency of a spouse, incurable serious mental illness and malicious abandonment of one spouse by another. Currently, this list of grounds for divorce is supplemented by such reasons as AIDS, medically certified chronic alcoholism or drug addiction, and the wife committing an abortion with her husband’s disagreement.”
If the breakdown of a marriage is a fait accompli, and the restoration of the family is not recognized as possible, church divorce is also allowed by leniency, which in essence is not the abolition of the sacrament of marriage on the part of the Church, but only a statement of the fact that this marriage no longer exists, it was destroyed by one or another both ex-spouses.
Second marriage
"P Since the Christian marriage union is the sacrament and image of the union of Christ with the Church, then there can be only one perfect marriage union, since Christ has only one bride - the Church, and the Church - only one groom, Christ... Hence the wisdom of the Orthodox Church is that It recognizes one marriage as perfect for all Christians. She allows the second marriage out of condescension towards human weakness, but she allows the third marriage reluctantly, with penance, as not free from sin, averting with this imperfect deed a greater evil - fornication outside marriage.”
“Just as virginity is better than marriage, so the first marriage is better than the second,” writes St. John Chrysostom. The Orthodox Church has never considered a second marriage to be a full-fledged marriage, and in order to separate it from the first marriage, the rite of weddings for second marriages arises, which has significant differences. If wedding prayers are solemn and joyful, then prayers for second marriages always have a repentant meaning.
We can cite words regarding this issue from the Fundamentals of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church: “The Church does not at all encourage second marriage. However, after a legal ecclesiastical divorce, according to canon law, a second marriage is permitted to the innocent spouse. Persons whose first marriage broke up and was dissolved through their fault are allowed to enter into a second marriage only on condition of repentance and fulfillment of penance imposed in accordance with the canonical rules. In those exceptional cases when a third marriage is allowed, the period of penance, according to the rules of St. Basil the Great, is increased.”
§2. Christian marriage as the basis of a Christian family
Family is based on marriage. Christian marriage is a voluntary and lifelong union based on mutual love of two persons of different sexes with the goal of perfect mutual completion (composing, so to speak, a complete person) and assistance for salvation, and having as its consequence or fruit the birth and Christian upbringing of children ( prof. M. Olesnitsky. Quote. cit., p. 256. Compar. definition of marriage by the priest. M. Menstrova: “Marriage is a lifelong union of a man and a woman concluded on the basis of sexual relations and mutual love, accompanied by their communication in all relations, circumstances and blessings of life, receiving the sanction of the Church and the state.” (Lessons in Christian Morals, p. 249).
In general, marriage is the initial union from which a family, kinship, national and civil union is formed. Therefore, the importance and meaning of marriage can be viewed from different angles. In all its holiness and height, marriage appears in the depths of the Orthodox Church, where it is a sacrament, the beginning of which is in the blessing of the marriage of the pristine couple, and its fullness in Christianity.
“Since marital love,” writes one of our domestic theologians, “is the main and main type of love among other types of mutual love between people, it therefore preferably needs special sanctification from God, a special gift of grace. On the other hand, since marital love very often becomes sensual and disordered, then in this respect it, above all other types of love, requires sanctification and spiritualization. To make the marriage union spiritual, sacred, to make it a union of holy love - this is the purpose of marriage as a sacrament" ( prof. A. Belyaev. Love divine, page 382).
Christianity in general, says the archbishop. Nikanor, - allows all healthy natural human feelings, trying to elevate them to spirituality, refine them to perfection in a higher direction consistent with creative goals, blessing and sanctifying them. In this regard, sexual and family love There is no exception, the love of the groom for the bride and back, the love of the husband for his wife and back, parents for children and children for parents... In a person, carnal love can never be a purely animal feeling, it is always accompanied by spiritual attraction, natural or perverted. “Christianity wants to elevate it so that it has a normal conscious-spiritual or even spiritual attraction and in these forms calls upon it the blessing of God” ( Archbishop Nikanor Kherson and Odessa. Conversation about Christian marriage. Against Count Leo Tolstoy. Ed. 2nd, Odessa, 1890, pp. 48-49).
The natural union of those marrying through the prayer of the Church is purified, sanctified, sobered and strengthened by Divine grace. “It is difficult for (a person) himself to remain in a strong and saving union. The threads of nature are torn. Grace is irresistible" ( Ep. Feofan. Outline of Christian Moral Teaching, page 490).
According to the teaching of the word of God, the conjugal union is an institution contemporary with the beginning of the human race. Marriage was originally established by God Himself in paradise through the creation of the wife to help the husband and through the blessing given to them by God. Hence, throughout the Old Testament the view of marriage is expressed as a matter blessed by God Himself (Gen. 1 and ch. 24; Prov. 19
:14 ; Malach. 2
:14). Originally sanctified by God, marriage receives a new confirmation and consecration into the sacraments from Jesus Christ (Matt. 19
:5-6) and becomes an image of the mysterious union of Christ with the Church, which is why it is called “the great mystery” (Eph. 5
:32).
Purpose of Marriage
What is the purpose of marriage? Different opinions have been expressed on this matter. The ancient Israelites believed that the purpose of marriage was to produce children. But children are the consequence or fruit of marriage, and not the goal. True, having created husband and wife, God added the blessing of childbearing (Gen. 1
:28), if we call children the purpose of marriage, then it is the second, not the first. If children were the first and main purpose of marriage, then infertility (childlessness) would be one of the grounds for divorce. But we know that childlessness does not destroy the essence of marriage or deprive it of its purpose.
In the Holy Scriptures the wife is called the husband's helper (Gen. 2
:18). But this is not the main goal: help can be achieved through friendship and lack of help (for example, due to illness) would be grounds for divorce.
Still others consider the main purpose of marriage to be counteraction and protection from debauchery, citing the words of Holy Scripture (1 Cor. 7
:2-9). But this goal is subordinate, and not the main one, for marriage was established before the Fall and with the Fall the original idea of marriage did not change.
Marriage has a purpose in itself. Its first and main goal is complete and undivided devotion and communication between two married persons: “it is not good for man to be alone” (Gen. 2
:18) and “a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and both shall become one flesh” (Matt. 19
:5). The absence of a spiritual and moral side in the lives of those getting married is the main and main reason for unhappy marriages. The main source of happy marriages lies in the mutual penetration of the married couple into the depth and height of the Christian ideal of moral improvement. Marriage has the goal of living communication and mutual improvement of two (husband and wife). Husband and wife, replenishing each other through mutual communication, morally influence each other, help each other in spiritual and moral improvement and fulfillment of mutual purpose in life ( M. Grigorevsky. The teaching of St. John Chrysostom on marriage. Arkhangelsk, 1902, p. 92). According to St. Cyprian of Carthage, husband and wife receive the fullness and integrity of their being in spiritual, moral and physical unity and the mutual completion of one by the personality of the other, which is achieved in marriage, when a man and a woman truly become one indivisible personality, one spirit and one flesh and find each other in each other mutual support and replenishment.
If marriage has its purpose in itself, in the undivided devotion of two persons to each other, then true marriage is possible only with monogamy and lifelong marriage. Polygamy excludes the complete devotion and equality of two persons required by the essence of marriage (see Matt. 11
:3-6; 1 Cor. 7
:2-7). Second and third marriages are allowed by the Christian Church (in the event of the death of one of the spouses) as some imperfection in the life of a Christian and are blessed by the Church for the laity as indulgence towards human weakness in protection from sin, “as a cure against fornication” ( in the book of Rules: Neokesar. personal 7th right; Vasily Vel. pr. 87). This turns out to be both in the wedding ceremony of second marriages and in the content of the prayers read at the same time. Presbyters and deacons, according to the teachings of St. Paul and according to the requirements of the canons of the Church, there should be “single wives by husband.”
True marriage in its ideal beauty can only be lifelong.
Marriage, further, should, in its essence, be indissoluble. Entering into marriage with the thought of the possibility of dissolving it would ever make it impossible for individuals to be completely devoted to each other and, in general, to maintain the strength of their mutual union.
The second purpose of marriage, which the Holy Scriptures and the Church point to in their prayers for the wedding ceremony, is procreation and raising children. And the Church blesses marriage as a union for the purpose of procreation. Therefore, marriage has the goal not of carnal pleasure and satisfaction of voluptuousness, but of “kindness” and “grace for the children,” as they say in the prayer at the wedding ( For more details on this, see our manual on Liturgy, vol. 2, ch. 4: Sacrament of marriage, §3. The purpose and meaning of the sacrament of marriage). Marriage (in Christianity), according to the teachings of St. Gregory the Theologian, is good when it is united with the desire to leave children behind, because through this the Church of Christ is replenished, the number of “those pleasing to God” increases. When it is based solely on the desire to satisfy carnal lust, it inflames the coarse and insatiable flesh and becomes, as it were, a path to vice ( St. Gregory the Theologian. Creations, vol. 5, M., 1847, p. 221). Given the dominant importance in Christian marriage of the moral side of human nature, its lower inclinations find their outcome in the birth of children. “Each of us has a wife for the purpose of procreation,” the 2nd century apologist Athenagoras wrote to the pagans, “with us the measure of desire is procreation.”
Holy Scripture indicates another purpose of marriage - chastity. While maintaining mutual love and fidelity, those entering into marriage must maintain marital purity and chastity. “This is the will of God,” writes the apostle, “your holiness; For God did not call us to uncleanness, but to holiness" (1 Thess. 4
:3-7). For those who are married, Christianity prescribes a pure, immaculate, chaste life, indicates the need to maintain marital fidelity, the need to combat sinful passions developed over centuries, to renounce pagan views on the wife and attitudes towards the wife as an object of pleasure and property. Marriage, according to St. John Chrysostom, has the purpose not only of procreation, but also of “eradicating intemperance and debauchery”, “quenching the natural flame”, especially for people who “indulge in these passions and are corrupted in obscene shelters - for them marriage is useful, freeing them from impurity” ( St. I. Zlatoust. Creations, vol. I, page 307). Ap speaks about this. Paul: “It is good for a man not to touch a woman, but to avoid fornication, let each one have his own wife, and each one have her own husband” (1 Cor. 7
:2-9). The Church prescribes abstinence for Christians in marriage, but not as a law, but as advice, by mutual consent of the spouses (1 Cor. 7
:5). The marital bed itself is “undefiled” (Heb. 13
:4), does not make a person unclean, but only interferes with spiritual concentration and prayer. Therefore, the Church prescribes marital abstinence for Christians before holidays and during fasting days ( prot. Art. Ostroumov. To live is to serve love. Ed. 2. St. Petersburg, 1911, §80, pp. 204-208. Comp. Rev.'s instruction Seraphim to Christian spouses on abstinence).
This mutual and voluntary abstinence does not harm conjugal love, but elevates and purifies it.
“How impossible,” says St. John Chrysostom - for a chaste man to despise his wife and ever neglect her, it is so impossible for a depraved and dissolute man to love his wife, even if she were the most beautiful of all. From chastity comes love, and from love many countless blessings. So, consider other women as if they were made of stone, knowing that if after marriage you look with lustful eyes at another woman, you become guilty of the guilt of adultery" ( St. I. Zlatoust. Creations, vol. III, p. 211).
Sanctifying Christian marriage with his blessing, putting crowns of “glory and honor” on the newlyweds (a symbol of victory over sensuality and a symbol of preserved purity). The Church has always condemned those who condemn marital relations. “Legitimate marriage and birth are honorable and undefiled, for the difference between the sexes was created in Adam and Eve for the propagation of the human race” ( Apostolic Constitutions, 6, 2). Marriage is not only pure, but moreover, it is the protection of purity and the school of chastity,” it is, according to Chrysostom, a haven of chastity for those who want to use it well, without allowing nature to rage. By presenting lawful intercourse as a stronghold, and thus holding back the waves of lust, he places and preserves us in great tranquility" ( St. John Chrysostom. Creations, vol. 1, p. 298). And in general, “if marriage and raising children were an obstacle to the path of virtue, then the Creator would not have introduced marriage into our lives. But since marriage not only does not hinder us in a life pleasing to God, but also provides us with an aid to taming our ardent nature, that is why God gave such consolation to the human race" ( him. Creations, vol. IV, 2nd conversation, on Gen., p. 197).
From the history of the Christian Church there are many examples of the high and holy life that Christians achieved in marriage. From the life of Rev. Macarius of Egypt knows that he had a revelation about two women escaping in the world in legal marriage who surpassed him in virtue. We see an example of touching and truly Christian love in the person of the martyred spouses Adrian and Natalia (commemorated on August 26). The martyr Perpetua (comm. February 1) was given over to torture while she was nursing a baby. An example of love, devotion, mutual respect, marital fidelity and chastity can serve as the Russian saints Peter and Fevronia (David and Euphrosyne), the princes of Murom (comm. June 25), Bla. Evdokia (Euphrosyne, wife of Prince Dmitry Donskoy (comm. July 7). The family of St. Nonna (mother of St. Gregory the Theologian) was a family of saints of God, a seedbed of faith and piety. Christian parents Emilia and her husband gave the Church of Christ the great St. Basil the Great and St. Gregory, Bishop of Nyssa. And many other examples are known. The righteous parents Cyril and Mary raised young Bartholomew in strict piety - the future great ascetic and prayer book of the Russian land, St. Sergius of Radonezh. The pious Isidore and Agathius Moshnin were the parents of Prokhor - the future great ascetic of the Sarov desert Venerable Seraphim.
The righteous of our time who lived in marriage have achieved a high spiritual life: priest. Feodosia (city of Balta), priest. Georgy Kossov (village Chekryak), archpriest. Jonah Atamansky (Odessa) and many others. etc.
Marriage and Celibacy
Marriage is not left to human discretion. For persons destined by nature and the circumstances of life for marriage, who can endure such a lifestyle, marriage is a certain requirement of duty. Marriage, which introduces a person into countless moral tasks and responsibilities, is an important school of human upbringing and a wide area for his activity, while at the same time, the human race can continue, according to the Divine dispensation, only through marriage. Therefore, avoiding marriage for selfish reasons, in order not to embarrass oneself, to live more freely, more carefree, not to bear the burden of raising children, etc., is unmoral ( prof. M. Olesnitsky. Moral Theology, §70, p. 257).
But there may be another state - celibacy. Celibacy can be involuntary or voluntary. There are people whose duty is to remain unmarried: physically unhealthy, sick, mentally unstable. It also happens that a person is in a service incompatible with marriage, or does not find a person in life to marry who deserves sincere and mutual sympathy.
But in Christianity there is also voluntary celibacy - virginity or chastity of a celibate life. It is known for highly moral, spiritual reasons under the name of monasticism or monasticism.
Despite all the sublimity and holiness Christian marriage, The Holy Scripture places virginity above marriage. Ap. Paul puts it this way: “The unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord, but the married man is concerned about the things of the world, how to please his wife. There is a difference between a married woman and a virgin: the unmarried woman is concerned about the things of the Lord, so that she may be holy in body and spirit, but the married woman is concerned about the things of the world, how to please her husband” (1 Cor. 7
:32-34). Virginity is superior to marriage, but not all people are capable of leading a virgin life. The ability to lead a celibate life - for the sake of undivided service to God - is a gift from God to some people, conditioned, however, by their good will and desire. Therefore, virginity is at the same time the highest feat. Those who are virgins face a difficult struggle with the flesh and the devil, requiring a strong character, firm religious convictions, and the special grace-filled help of God. Those who cannot keep their virginity pure should marry; unclean celibacy, which does not strictly adhere to the vow given to God, should be placed lower than pure marriage (compare 1 Cor. 7
:2-9 ; compare St. Gregory the Theologian. Creations in Russian lane Ed. 1, part 1, p. 273; part 5, pp. 76-77; part 4, page 275).
Jesus Christ clearly expressed the doctrine of marriage and celibacy in one of His conversations. In a conversation with the Pharisees, the Savior pointed out the indissolubility of marriage, excluding the guilt of adultery. The disciples, hearing such a teaching that disagreed with Jewish law, told their Teacher that if the conditions of marriage were so difficult, then better man not to marry at all. Jesus Christ answered this that only those to whom it was given from God should lead a celibate life. “He said to them: not everyone can comprehend this word (about celibacy), but to those who have it. For there are eunuchs who are castrated from people; and there are eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs (this is understood not physically, but spiritually - having decided on celibacy) for the Kingdom of Heaven. Whoever can contain it, let him contain it" (Matt. 19
:5-12).
The Holy Fathers describe in the most sublime terms the glory and height of celibate chastity - virginity. About the height of the reward of virginity in heaven, St. Chrysostom says: “We (virgins) have lots and the brightest lamps with the angels, and that the highest of all bliss is to be with this Bridegroom (Jesus Christ)” ( St. I. Zlatoust. Book about virginity, ch. 2).
About high of the lot prepared for virginity from God in heaven, the Seer says: “And I looked, and behold the Lamb stood on Mount Zion, and with Him one hundred and forty-four thousand, having the name of His Father written on their foreheads. And I heard the voice of those singing, as it were, a new song before the throne of God, which no one could learn except them.” Who is this? - “These are those who have not defiled themselves with their wives, for they are virgins; these are the ones who follow the Lamb wherever He goes. They have been redeemed from the people as the firstborn of God and the Lamb (Jesus Christ) and there is no guile in their mouth; they are blameless before the throne of God" (Rev. 14
:1-5). Could there be a reward greater than this? And who will not agree that the state in which “they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but remain as angels in heaven” (Matt. 22
:30), should be placed above the state (marriage) in which people are dependent on earthly conditions and carnal sensations? Or who would not agree that he who voluntarily renounces marriage, which is undoubtedly one of the highest blessings on earth, makes a great sacrifice to God? ( prof. M. Olesnitsky. Moral Theology, p. 258. See Bp. Peter. About monasticism. Ed. 3. Tr.-Serg. Lavra, 1904, pp. 129, 117-119; Prof. M. Olesnitsky. Quote. cit., §70, pp. 258-259)
Moral Conditions of Marriage
(see priest M. Menstrov. Lessons on Christian moral teaching, chapter 23, pp. 252-254)
For a marriage to be correct from a moral point of view, it must be as much a marriage of inclination or attraction as a marriage of reason. Marriage is not suitable either by pure inclination or by pure reason. This means that when choosing a lifelong friend or, conversely, a friend, that is, a groom, one must, of course, first of all listen to the voice of immediate inclination or sympathy. And it is integral when entering into marriage. To enter into marriage on any other external basis, for example, because of material gain, vanity, social status, etc., and not on the basis of inclination or love, or a high sense of duty, means to desecrate the marriage, to act immorally. However, inclination should not be the only basis for marriage. It is necessary to carefully test both your inclination or love, and the inclination or love of another person, as well as your (and the other person’s) readiness and sense of duty to selflessly carry out the feat of family life ( G. Martensen. Christian teaching on morality, volume 2. St. Petersburg, 1890, pp. 451, 455).
When experiencing inclination or love between two persons, one must observe how consistent their characters are. Deep agreement between the characters of two persons is a condition of intimacy. A superficial agreement between two persons can easily deceive both parties, and only over the years life together It will be revealed how little they agree in the depths of their being. Therefore, through testing, it is necessary to make sure that the equality of character of two persons inclined towards each other is not superficial, but based on common deep interests and a common, i.e., identical outlook on life. But this significant agreement does not exclude significant differences in temperament and individual natural disposition of two persons. It does not exclude one person being serious and calm, and another being lively and cheerful, one being thoughtful and slow in words and actions, and another being quick, if there is a deeper agreement between them. It is even required that, along with the similarity, there should be some difference between those combined. Greater mutual interest is based on it.
Moreover, those who wish to marry must carefully consider and consider what they desire. Many people look at marriage as an abundant source of happiness. Marriage really does bring happiness. But with it comes a considerable amount of suffering. Anyone wishing to get married should keep this in mind, and therefore should desire marriage as a necessary cross for their moral education.
Further, marriage is not normal if the parties to be married differ too much in age, if, for example, an aging old man marries a young girl.
There cannot be complete harmony and unity even if there is a huge difference in upbringing and education between the persons getting married.
Marriages of persons of different faiths (mixed marriages) are allowed by the Church from a canonical point of view, they are allowed not only because the possibility of happiness in such marriages cannot be denied, but also because the Church views such marriages in a sense as a mission. But one cannot help but pay attention to some of the moral difficulties of mixed marriages that arise from the incomplete unity of the spouses in religious terms.
Finally, marriages within close relationships are prohibited. The general moral basis for prohibiting marriages between close relatives is the following: certain moral relations already exist between relatives, and these relations would be polluted and destroyed by new relations established in marriage.
Their parents can provide significant assistance to those wishing to get married. Children will have to ask their parents for a blessing for marriage (Sir. 3
:9), since “the blessing of the Father confirms the children’s homes” - they should turn to their parents for advice in this important matter, although, however, parents have only the right in this case to consent, and not to choose; the choice must be made by the person entering into marriage.
Marriage by order or coercion is not correct from a moral point of view. Marriage must be concluded by mutual and good consent of the spouses (compare the rites of betrothal and wedding).
But what is especially necessary for Christians entering into marriage is fervent prayer with complete devotion to the Heavenly Father, so that He Himself will invisibly guide them in this matter, He Himself will bless and sanctify their vows, send down gracious help for the fulfillment of their duties and give them worthy of being that union which is depicted and likened in Christianity to the image of the union of Christ and the Church ( compare last St. Ignatius the God-Bearer to Polycarp, ch. 5. St. Gregory the Theologian. Creations, in Russian. lane Ed. I, part IV, word 10, On St. baptized, pp. 288-289).
§3. Mutual responsibilities of spouses
The purpose of those who marry is to sacredly observe the concluded union in the eyes of God, mutually promote moral and spiritual success and share the burdens of life and, then, raise children, if God blesses them ( prof. M. Olesnitsky. Moral Theology, §71, p. 259).
Upon entering into marriage, the spouses made a promise in front of the Church of fidelity to each other until the end of their lives. Therefore, the first duty of spouses is mutual fidelity, which should extend even to the depths of the movements of the heart, since “everyone who looks at (another’s) woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5
:28). With this betrayal (to one’s spouse), adultery begins in the heart and in practice. Marital infidelity is the main evil that produces disorder and destruction of the family and family happiness ( prot. P. Solyarsky. Moral Theology. §139, pp. 373-374). The Apostle points out to Christians: Let marriage be honorable for all Christians and the bed undefiled.” Those who cheat and defile the purity of the marital bed, “fornicators and adulterers, God will judge” (Heb. 13
:4), “Adulterers will not inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Cor. 6
:9-10).
Adultery is the most shameful vice and entails the most disastrous consequences. It destroys the sanctity of the marital union. A person guilty of adultery inflicts the most severe injury on the other spouse. An adulterer causes harm to another person by seducing and corrupting a married person. Adultery steals the parental heart from children, gives them a shameful example of temptation, lays the foundation for endless family discord and, in general, destroys all domestic well-being. This is why in the Old Testament, adultery was punishable by death (Lev. 20
:10).
1) In Christianity, the indissolubility of marriage is firmly established, except for the guilt of adultery (1 Cor. 7
:10-11; Matt. 5
:32), but if, for example, a fallen wife repents, then it will be a “great sin” on the part of the husband not to forgive her (Shepherd Hermas, In the writings of apostolic men, p. 238). His Eminence Theophan (Govorov) writes: “One legal reason for divorce is indicated - the infidelity of the spouses; but what if something like this opens up? Be patient (cf. 1 Cor. 7
:eleven). We have a universal commandment to bear each other’s burdens, the more willingly such close persons as spouses should fulfill it mutually. The reluctance to endure (and forgive) stirs up trouble... What is the mind given for? Smooth out the path of life. It is not satisfied not because of the lack of other goals in life other than sweets” (thoughts for every day of the year. St. Petersburg, 1896, p. 440).
The strength of marriage, which provides a barrier to rampant passions, depends on religious conviction in the sanctity and inviolability of marriage as a sacrament.
Loyalty does not require, of course, that spouses withdraw into themselves, forgetting the people around them: then their love would take on an egoistic character, the character of “family egoism.”
Loyalty establishes trust. Infidelity, although only suspected, gives rise to suspicious jealousy, which drives away peace and harmony and destroys family happiness. Fidelity, and in general true marital love, excludes unaccountable suspicion, blind and passionate jealousy, for which any free action of another person seems to be a violation of marital fidelity.
Not to be jealous is a sacred duty, but at the same time it is also a great feat of Christian spouses, a test of their marital wisdom and love.
In marital love, especially at the beginning, there is, without a doubt, a sensual side, an attraction to sensual beauty, which, in normal marital love in a Christian marriage, conveniently gives place to spiritual and purely related spiritual unity and love. Where this is not the case, married life, being only sensual, pampers and corrupts a person, lulls the spirit, increases voluptuousness (and sensuality), and thus gives rise to cruelty and many other vices and almost reduces a person to an animal; on the contrary, the same married life serves to raise the moral order, to strengthen spiritual energy, to educate and develop humanity and holy love, produces the fullness of happiness where sensuality is moderated by monogamy (and abstinence), where the grace of God spiritualizes sensual attraction and sensual union and gives them the highest spiritual and moral purpose in the life of the couple. The sensual union, serving as a support for the spiritual union, in turn is ennobled, sanctified, spiritualized by this latter" ( prof. Belyaev. Divine Love, page 383).
Without spiritual love and unity, “carnal love is very easily suppressed for the most unimportant reasons, because it is not strengthened by spiritual sensation” ( bliss Diadochos Bishop Cameras. Ascetic word. Christian Reading, 1827, 28, 16).
Signs of non-passionate, pure and sober love are: sincere affection of spouses for each other, lively participation and sympathy, prudent compliance and condescension, mutual consent and peace, mutual assistance and assistance in all matters, especially peace and inviolable agreement, preventing displeasure and quickly eliminating them if they arise. Finally, a sign of true love is mutual trust, when in everything you can undoubtedly rely on one and trust the other.
Spouses must share everything between themselves. And this requires complete and sincere frankness in their relationships with each other. Lack of frankness indicates incomplete love. Where there is no sincere mutual trust and frankness, there will be no unity, suspicion settles there, mutual love cools and little by little disagreement, discord, and finally alienation and division arise.
Spouses must help each other, take a lively mutual part in their activities, in family joys and sorrows, support each other in bearing the Christian cross under all circumstances and occasions of life on the thorny path to the Kingdom of God.
Since those married, like all people, have many shortcomings and weaknesses, the duty of the spouses is mutual patience and prudent indulgence towards their shortcomings and weaknesses, especially vices ( without patience, forbearance and generosity, often the slightest trifle turns into a dividing wall (Bishop Theophan, Thoughts for Every Day of the Year, p. 440).
Christian family, according to the teachings of St. Basil the Great, should be a school of virtue, a school of self-denial. Bound by feelings of love, spouses should exert mutual kind influence, self-sacrifice and patiently enduring each other's character flaws. “Whoever truly loves another person will certainly try to improve him morally. And above all, every married person must take care of eliminating his own shortcomings, especially those that are unpleasant to the other married person.” And countless favorable cases will be found for spouses for mutual beneficial influence ( prof. M. Olesnitsky. Quote. cit., pp. 260-261).
In clean In a true Christian marriage, we are dealing with the mystery of the great renunciation of our own egoistic “I” not only for the sake of the wife or husband, but also for the sake of future people - the family. Those who marry take on the enormous responsibility of taking care of themselves with much greater vigilance than before, “to walk pure and blameless in the sight of their children.” Father and mother are morally obliged to remember that their every unkind movement or word (especially deed) is repeated and internalized by the soul of their children whom they gave to the world and the Church.
Due Given that the well-being of spouses and the Christian upbringing of children depend on the degree of spiritual unity, it is clear how important unity of faith and outlook on life has always been and is in marriage. Marriage unity ap. Paul likens it to the union of Christ with the Church. But if the marriage union united a believing spouse with an unbeliever, or vice versa, then will the two be one despite the difference and separation in the main and highest things - in faith, in prayer, in the sacraments, in the view of raising children, in relationships with others, in hopes for the future? life? (Prot. St. Ostroumov. To live is to serve love. Ed. 2, St. Petersburg, 1911, pp. 208-209. The 3rd century writer Tertullian wrote: “like a wife, having entered into marriage, she can serve two masters - God and her husband, if the husband is not a Christian? An unbeliever husband wants to follow the customs of the world, loves appearance, luxury, amusements. How can a wife please both such a husband and God? She will also encounter constant obstacles in the implementation of piety. If she needs to fulfill a religious duty, the husband will oppose her with some - some public duty, a worldly triumph. And he needs to celebrate! He will not allow her to visit the refuge of abject poverty, where brothers in faith languish. He will not allow her to participate in the Lord's Supper, the subject of such vile slander. He will not allow her to cross the threshold of prison to kiss the chains of martyrs "If any outside co-religionist needs hospitality, he will have to be refused. It is necessary to provide zealous alms - also counteraction" (Quoted from Ostroumov, p. 209).
Here Tertullian writes about Christians marrying pagans and unbelievers. But in the early times of Christianity, there were many cases of only one spouse turning to Christ after marriage. For such cases, the Apostle Paul gave the following advice: “To the rest I say, and not the Lord: if a brother has an unbelieving wife and she agrees to live with him, then he should not leave her; and a wife who has an unbelieving husband, and he agrees to live with her, should not leave him; For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband. Otherwise your children would have been unclean, but now they are holy. If an unbeliever wants to get a divorce, let him get a divorce; brother and sister are not related in such cases; The Lord has called us to peace. Why do you know (believing) wife whether you will save your (unbeliever) husband? Or are you a husband, why do you know if you won’t save your wife?” (1 Cor. 7
:12-17).
Thus, the apostle here gives a rule not for those entering into marriage, but for those who have already been married before accepting the gospel preaching. At the same time, the married life of a believer’s wife with an unbelieving husband does not turn into illegal cohabitation because she believed; on the contrary, this marriage and her husband in the marital relationship were sanctified by her faith. Conversely, an unbelieving wife is “sanctified” by a believing husband. In the same respect, children from such marriages are not unclean, illegitimate, but “holy.” With such an explanation, the apostle calmed the troubled conscience of some Christians, preventing divisions and disintegration of families.
The natural act of cohabitation in such a marriage in itself has nothing unclean: lustful desires make it unclean in fornicators and adulterers. Therefore, the apostle commanded to live peacefully in a marriage union with infidels. But he legalized it under the condition of mutual consent. The believing party should not give reasons for divorce. But, if an unbelieving husband does not want to live with a Christian wife (or vice versa) and offers or forces him to renounce Christianity, to return to his former wickedness, then for the sake of peace and to avoid discord and quarrels in the family and falling away from the faith, it is better for them to separate, and in such cases the believer a husband or a believing wife is free from the yoke of marriage and free from accusations (see Bishop Theophan. Interpretation of 1 Cor. 7
:12-15).
As for the private responsibilities of each spouse, they follow from the general doctrine of marriage.
According to the teachings of St. According to Scripture, the husband is the head of the wife and family, and the wife is submissive to her husband. “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church” (Eph. 5
:22-23-33). This does not mean that the wife is inferior to her husband in moral or personal dignity (in this respect they are completely equal: “the male sex and the female sex are one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3
:28 ; 1 Peter 3
:7); the headship of the husband is a natural and direct consequence of the natural properties of man and woman; “The strength of a husband in relation to his wife lies in his mental and volitional superiority; and the strength of a wife in relation to her husband lies in her devotion, requests, sadness, tears” (Prof. M. Olesnitsky. Moral Theology. §71, p. 261). And there cannot be two heads in a house (back in ancient times (in the 4th century BC), the philosopher Aristotle noticed that every family home must have control under one head (the husband), and not two persons on an equal footing.
“Since equality,” says St. John Chrysostom, - often leads to quarrels, God has established many types of superiority and subordination, such as: between husband and wife, between son and father, between an elder and a young man, between a boss and subordinates, between a teacher and a student. And should one marvel at such an establishment between people, when God established the same thing in the body? (Compare 1 Cor. 12
: 22-25). For He has so arranged that not all members have equal dignity, but one is inferior, another is more important, and one governs, others are governed. We notice the same thing among the dumb: among bees, among cranes, among herds of wild sheep. Even the sea is not devoid of amenities, but even there, in many genera of fish, one controls and leads the others, and under her command they go on distant journeys. On the contrary, lack of beginning is evil everywhere and produces confusion” (John Chrysostom. Conversations on the last to Romans. Conversation 28). And from life experience it is known that the will of a woman, by nature willful and prone to despotism, must obey her husband (Martensen. Christian teaching on morality. Vol. II. Part 2. St. Petersburg. 1890, p. 467).
Some believe that too much power has been given to husbands, and want to establish legal relations between spouses, relations of equality. But equality is a wonderful thing where love is lacking and everyone's "right" is respected. Marriage is not based on a legal principle, but on mutual sacrifice, which is not noticed by the sacrificers themselves.
The headship of the husband in the family, according to the teachings of the Holy Scriptures, is not tyranny, not humiliation and oppression, but active love. This authority obliges the husband to love his wife “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her” (Eph. 5
:15). At the same time, wives are instructed: “Just as the Church is subject to Christ, so wives should be subject to their husbands in everything” (Eph. 5
:24). Here there can be no oppression of the wife by the husband, since oppression is possible only where Christian principles are not carried out in the marriage, where there is no love between the husband for his wife and the wife for her husband. It is only possible to boast of supremacy and show it off in the presence of foolishness and lack of understanding of the power of the spirit of Scripture. Where there is love, there is no place for tyranny and severity. “Husbands,” writes the Apostle Paul, “love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Col. 3
:19). Where there is love, there is compassion and showing honor and help to the weak (1 Pet. 3
:7). Where there is love, there is respect and proper honor given to the wife as a joint heir of grace (Eph. 5
:28-29). Complete equality (if it were possible) would prevent expressions of love. Love is mutual exchange, replenishment, self-sacrifice. The highest type of human love - maternal love - is based on extreme inequality ( prot. Art. Ostroumov. To live is to serve love, p. 210). Without this headship, marital unity is impossible, for the headship of the husband is a natural matter, since it meets the spiritual need of the wife: “your desire will be for your husband, and she will possess you” (Gen. 3
:16).
“Usually a person despises those who please him (those who humiliate themselves before him), but respects those who do not flatter him; This mood is especially characteristic of the female sex. A woman is dissatisfied when people flatter her, but she respects more those who do not want to bow down and submit to her inappropriate desires. Ask them yourself whom they praise and approve of more: those who servile them or those who dominate them, those who submit and do and suffer everything to please them, or those who do not allow anything like that, but are ashamed to obey their bad orders? -And if they want to tell the truth, then, of course, they will say that - the latter; or better yet, there’s no need for an answer when things say so” ( St. John Chrysostom. Creations, vol. 1, p. 265).
“The husband is like the head of his wife,” writes Bishop. Theophan, - should not humiliate himself, should not sell his leadership out of cowardice or passion, for this is a disgrace for husbands. Only this power should not be despotic, but loving. Have a wife as a friend and strong love make her be submissive" ( Ep. Feofan. Outline of Christian Moral Teaching, page 491).
The leadership of the husband should not consist in the indifferent and persistent opposition of his will to the will of his wife (even to the smallest detail), but, mainly, in the subordination of life to higher goals, which a wife can easily forget about, immersed in many everyday trifles and preoccupied with “how to please her husband.” and children. “A wife, entangled in everyday worries, distracted everywhere, cannot approach the Lord well, since all her work and leisure is divided into many things, that is, into her husband and worries around the house and everything else that marriage usually entails” ( St. John Chrysostom. Creations, vol. 1, p. 360).
In this direction of life towards higher goals, the husband must exercise patience and prudence so as not to damage marital reciprocity. “Violence drives out all friendship and pleasure; if there is no friendship and love, but, instead, fear and coercion, then what meaning will marriage have then?” (ibid., p. 344. “Let the husband be neither arrogant nor proud towards his wife, but merciful, generous, wanting to please only his wife and caress her respectfully, trying to be to her liking, not dressing up in order to catch himself some other” (“Apostolic Instructions”, 1, 2, 3).
As the head of his wife and family, the husband must protect his wife and have mercy on her as a “weak vessel,” as the apostle puts it (1 Pet. 3
:7), take care of the maintenance of the family (1 Tim. 5
:8), manage your house well (1 Tim. 3
:4). He should consider his wife to be his first, most faithful and sincere assistant in all his affairs. The husband must take care of the mental and moral improvement of his wife, condescendingly and patiently clearing away the bad and planting the good. What is incorrigible in body or character must be tolerated generously and piously (without losing respect for her).
The husband must take great care of himself so that through his behavior or negligence, or freedom in treatment, he does not harm his wife or corrupt her. The Christian faith makes spouses mutually responsible for each other's souls. A husband is a murderer if a humble and meek, chaste and pious wife becomes absent-minded, wayward, evil-tongued, not afraid of God and not ashamed of people, has lost modesty, is concerned only with clothes and the desire to please others, etc. ( see ep. Feofan. Outline of Christian Moral Teaching, page 493). Maintaining the wife's morality does not, of course, interfere with her desire to dress decently (but at the same time modestly), and have communication with outsiders, although not without the knowledge and consent of her husband.
For her part, the wife, feeding sincere love and respect for her husband, she must obey her husband in everything (in everything that is not contrary to the law of God), trying in every possible way to incline her character to his character, to be completely devoted to him. The desire and desire of a wife to put herself above her husband and to demonstrate her dominance usually does not lead to anything good, but only to an increase in disagreement and a mutual cooling of love. In order to maintain dear peace in the family, the wife must be compliant and patiently endure everything that seems not to her liking. The family life of spouses is often overshadowed by disagreements and bad mood that can arise from trifles. And it happens that a woman who can display the greatest patience, self-denial and self-control in the face of serious domestic misfortunes (for example, during illness, when she is forced to take care of her husband or children all day and night), loses patience and calmness in ordinary life. in the course of affairs, when, for example, he discovers a stain on the husband’s clothes or on the tablecloth, a mess in the room, etc. An insignificant disagreement, small feuds, arguments about trifles can lead to major disruptions in family peace, to mutual cooling, indifference, self-isolation, and suspicion , distrust. Therefore, spouses need to learn in family life to rise above such trifles, not to allow painful pride and a stubborn desire to insist on their own to develop. Christian humility and meekness, and generally “good character” - best decoration, the best jewelry for a woman ( St. Gregory the Theologian. "A poem against women who love clothes"). This is actually the main force of a wife’s influence on her husband and her attractiveness.
The Apostle Peter, who was himself married in the first half of his life (1 Cor. 9
:5) outlining the ideal of Christian family life, he wrote; “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that those of them who do not obey the word may be taken captive without a word when they see your pure, God-fearing conduct” (1 Pet. 3
:1-2). This is the Christian way of a wife having some power over her husband, with complete obedience to him - a pure, God-fearing life.
A wife should adorn herself primarily with virtues, but other adornments should be something secondary, mediocre, which she should easily be ready to give up when material conditions do not allow. “Let your adornment,” the apostle instructs Christian wives, “not be the external braiding of hair, not gold headdresses or finery in clothing, but the (hidden) innermost person of the heart in the incorruptible and unfading beauty of a meek and silent spirit, which is of great value before God. So once upon a time holy women, who trusted in God (and not only in their appearance and beauty), adorned themselves, submitting to their husbands" (1 Pet. 3
:3-5).
And for both spouses, the holy apostle gives the following general instruction for their family life: “Be like-minded, compassionate, brotherly, merciful, friendly, humble in wisdom. Do not repay evil for evil, or annoyance for annoyance; on the contrary, bless each other, knowing that you are called to this in order to inherit the blessing. For whoever loves life and wants to see good days, keep his tongue from evil and his lips from evil, deceitful speech. Avoid evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it" (1 Pet. 3
:8-11).
A wife should rule over her husband not with sensuality, but with her inner attractiveness, moral purity, feminine modesty and bashfulness, steadfastness and selflessness of her Christian soul ( About ideal marriages that still exist, see Archbishop. Nikanor of Kharkov and Odessa. Conversation about Christian marriage. Ed. 2. - Odessa, 1890, pp. 56-58). “If you want to please your husband,” says St. John Chrysostom, - adorn your soul with chastity, piety, care for the home" ( ). As a true and faithful friend of life, a wife must avoid all frivolity, frivolity and immodesty in behavior, vanity and vain addiction to external decorations and outfits, wastefulness and mismanagement.
In turn, the wife must take care of the good character of her husband, influencing most of all not with words, but with deeds ( compare St. Gregory the Theologian. "A poem against women who love clothes"). With her wisdom and good influence, a wife can change her husband’s character if he is faulty. “Truly,” says St. John Chrysostom, - a pious and reasonable wife can most likely educate her husband and customize his soul according to her desire. I could point to many stern and indomitable men who have been softened in this way.” How can a wife influence her husband most of all, besides requests, advice and other things? - If she is meek, “not malicious, not luxurious, will not like jewelry, demand unnecessary expenses” ( St. I. Zlatoust. On the Gospel of John. Conversation 61st).
An example of a faithful Christian wife is Blessed. Monica is the mother of the blessed. Augustine. Raised in Christian piety, she was married to the cruel and depraved pagan Patrigius. The whole life of the chaste, abstinent Christian Monica with her depraved and wayward pagan husband was difficult and painful. But here, too, her patience and meekness prevailed. Having such a husband with a hot-tempered and harsh disposition, she achieved peace and harmony in the family and softened his obstinate disposition, mainly through meek treatment, silence and prayer to the Lord for peace.
When her friends asked in surprise how she achieved peace in the family, she answered them: “When I see that my husband is angry, I remain silent and only in my heart I pray to God that silence will return to his heart. His temper goes away on its own. And I'm always calm. Imitate me, dear friends, and you will also be calm" ( Orlov. Women's exploits and virtues in living stories. Ed. 2. M., 1904, pp. 212, 223-238).
This is the key to peace in the family: for spouses to be compliant rather than demanding of each other, to look for good sides in each other more than bad ones, to pray for each other more than to be offended by each other ( see prot. P. Shumov. Lessons from the lives of saints. Vol. 4, conversation 2. On marital chastity, pp. 7-11).
We have another example of a Christian wife in the person of St. Nonna, mother of St. Gregory the Theologian, who with her good character, virtue and patience converted her pagan husband to Christianity (he later became the Bishop of Nazianza; Orlov. Quote. cit., pp. 214-219). In addition to the indicated responsibilities towards her husband, the wife must be the soul of the home or family, the focal point of the internal and external well-being of the family. She must maintain order in the house, must preserve the property acquired by her husband and use it wisely for the needs of the family (1 Tim. 2
:4). Solomon paints a beautiful image of a housewife in the book of Proverbs (30:10-31). Homeliness, thrift and order are very necessary and valuable qualities of a wife, since they constitute indispensable conditions for family comfort and improvement ( prof. M. Olesnitsky. Moral Theology, § 71, Mutual Relations of Spouses, pp. 259-253. Ep. Feofan. Outline of Moral Teaching, ed. 2. M., 1896, pp. 489-492. G. Martensen. Christian teaching on morality, vol. II, St. Petersburg, 1890. Part 1, Marriage life, §§13-17, pp. 463-470. Prot. S. T. Ostroumov. To live is to serve love. Ed. 2. St. Petersburg, 1911, §§81-83, pp. 207-213. Nikanor, Archbishop. Kherson and Odessa. Conversation on Christian Marriage (against Leo Tolstoy), ed. 2. Odessa, 1890).
§4. Mutual responsibilities of parents, children and relatives
Responsibilities of Christian Parents towards Children
Children are one of the goals of marriage and together an abundant source of family joy. Therefore, Christian spouses should desire and wait for children, as a great gift of God, and pray for this blessing of God. “Childless spouses really are something offended, although sometimes this happens due to the special intentions of God” ( Ep. Feofan. Outline of Christian Moral Teaching, page 493).
The duty of Christian parents is to raise their children Christianly in order to bring them to religious and moral maturity along with the achievement of spiritual and physical maturity.
Even before the birth of children, spouses must prepare themselves to be kind parents good children. To do this, they must maintain “marital chastity, that is, sober aloofness from voluptuousness,” preserve piety, for, no matter how the souls originate, they are still in living dependence on the parental heart, on the moral state of their souls, and the character of the parents is sometimes very sharply affects children ( In this regard, the Church clearly orders Christian spouses to abstain from marital relations during pregnancy, as well as breastfeeding. Comp. St. Gregory the Theologian. Essays in Russian. lane Ed. 1st, part 5, pp. 85, 85. Origen in the 5th homily on the book of Genesis - “About Lot and his daughters” - writes: “I am afraid to express what I feel; I fear that the unchastity of Lot's daughters was more chaste than the chastity of many. Let the wives examine themselves and ask whether they married in order to bear children, and whether they abstain after conception. They are accused of unchastity, but after they conceive, they do not seek the embrace of their husband again. Meanwhile, some women (we are not pointing at all, but at some) - I will compare them to dumb animals - like animals, without distinction and without ceasing, they seek only the satisfaction of their lust. But even animals, as soon as they conceive, do not copulate"). Spouses must also preserve physical health, for it is the inevitable inheritance of children; a sick child is a sorrow for parents and a loss for society ( Ep. Feofan. Quote. cit., p. 493).
When God gives a child, Christian parents must sanctify him with the sacraments (baptism, confirmation and communion), dedicating the child to the true God. To which both the parents themselves and their children must belong and serve. It is important to do all this with the child from early childhood, because in the child there is a mixture of spiritual and physical forces, ready to accept any correction. We must put the seal of the Divine Spirit on it, as the basis and seed of eternal life. It is necessary to protect the child from everywhere with a fence of Divine grace, a fence impenetrable to dark power, for Satan with his evil is pressing in from everywhere.
The task of upbringing is the most important task of parents, arduous and fruitful, on which the good of the family, the Church and society largely depends.
In an Orthodox Christian family, religious education is an invariable companion and the basis for moral education. The moral and mental education of children in Christianity is based on reverence and living faith in God and the Savior, love and obedience, fear of God and piety.
Without faith and piety, all the moral lessons of parents will be powerless and fragile. Where there is no faith and love for Christ the Savior, there, as in a branch cut from a tree, there cannot be continuation and lasting development of a good moral life, and where there is no such life, there cannot be its fruits. (In. 15
:1-5). “Whoever leaves the Lord,” says St. John Chrysostom - he will not respect either his father (nor his mother) or himself" ( cit. according to ep. Feofan. The Path to Salvation, page 317).
From the first days of children's lives, introducing them into the Church of Christ through the sacrament of baptism, Christian parents should already look at them as sons of the Heavenly Father and heirs of the Heavenly Kingdom (Mk. 10
:14); all upbringing must lead to the child receiving eternal life, and for this he must be raised to the true Christian life even in this temporary earthly existence. The education of their mental and physical gifts must be subordinated to this task.
From the very beginning, from the first days of a child’s life, physical education must begin, using the rules of sound pedagogy. We need to educate his body so that it is strong, alive, and light. But we need to take even more care about educating the spirit. A child may not always be physically strong. But, well-educated in spirit, he will be saved even without a strong body. Those who have not received the correct religious and moral education will only suffer from a strong body. Therefore, during the first days of a child’s life, Christian parents must surround him with all care for his soul and not forget the vow made for him before God at the holy font.
What are the means and ways of Christian upbringing of children? The first months and years of a child’s life are a time not only for the rapid development of the child’s body, but also for all of his neuropsychic and mental activity ( for example, by the age of five months, a child doubles its weight, and by one year, it triples. The brain develops even faster: by the age of seven months, the weight of the brain doubles, and by two to three years it triples. During the first three years, the entire complex internal structure of the brain, nerve centers and the entire nervous system is built. - Etc. N. M. Shchelovanov. "Parenting early age" M., 1954, pp. 3-5. See also “Confession” of Blessed. Augustine). Already during the first three years, a child develops feelings such as joy, love, and, with improper upbringing, selfish feelings, feelings of anger, fear and many others. At this age, children learn everything good and bad, mainly by imitating the example of their parents and elders. Therefore, in early childhood and at all subsequent times, the main path for the religious and moral education of children is the living example of the Christian life of their parents, the true spirit of piety, the pure religious atmosphere of the family home, which the child should breathe. This atmosphere must be an atmosphere, in the words of St. Tikhon of Zadonsk, “true Christianity, and not “Christianity in name”, external, ostentatious Christianity, “lukewarm Christianity”, distorted by worldly everyday life and pagan superstitions or consisting of observing only traditional family rituals (Kulich, painted eggs, holiday treats, etc.), without the spirit, meaning and strength of their inner content.
The heart of a child, like soft wax, is receptive to everything good and bad. It is especially susceptible to the influence of the parent's heart and mood. And nothing has such a strong influence on the heart and will of a child as the example of the pious life of their parents. Who is closer to the soul, to the heart of a child, if not the father and mother? “Teaching through actions and life,” says Chrysostom, “is the best teaching.”
Actions speak stronger than words, And good example is better than any teaching. And, conversely, if a child sees a bad example from his parents, do not expect fruition from the instructions, the example will ruin everything. In him, more than in an adult, one notices the ability and desire to notice everything that parents and elders do, and turn it into a rule. This is the property of a child’s soul, in which the activity of thought has not yet developed, and only memory and sensory observation operate.
“Your example, fathers and mothers,” says our domestic leader, Archbishop. Filaret, - your behavior has a stronger effect on young hearts than words and instructions... Don’t tell your child a lie and he will be ashamed of the lie. If you reproach him for the harshness of his reproach and the cruelty of his words, and a minute before you yourself gave a rude reprimand, then you are beating the air. You teach your son the fear of God, but you yourself swear unnecessarily or with oblivion to the God of righteousness; Believe me, your instruction will be lost without fruit. You tell your son that you need to love and thank the Lord, but instead of going to church you yourself go to a place where they don’t think about God at all, where they dishonor Him with their deeds: what are you doing? You are killing faith in your son. Good mother! You teach your daughter modesty, bashfulness, purity, and in front of her you condemn those you know, you disturb with your tongue the honor and peace of those you barely know, you talk about things that you should only cry about in private: do you understand what you are doing? No, if you want your children to love goodness, show by deeds that goodness is worthy of love, and vice is the same as an ulcer. Let your life be praise to the Lord and love for humanity: then your children will live for the glory of God and the benefit of people. How necessary it is for you, parents, to be pious! God's wrath and blessing pass from you to your children and grandchildren. Why is this? Like this? Very simple. Your bad example teaches bad things to your children, and bad habits and bad dispositions are inherited by your children. Does a wild tree produce tasty fruits? ( Filaret (Gumilevsky), Archbishop of Chernigov and Nizhyn. Words, conversations and speeches. In 4 parts. Ed. 3. St. Petersburg. 1883. Homily on the Day of the Presentation of the Mother of God in the Temple p. 232).
Not only the open sinfulness of parents, but also their worldly carelessness harms the upbringing of children. “The corruption of children comes from nothing else,” says St. John Chrysostom - as if from the insane attachment of parents to everyday things. In fact, when fathers convince their children to study science, then in their conversation with their children nothing else is heard except the following words: “such and such a man is low and from a low state, having improved in eloquence, received a very high position, acquired great wealth, took rich wife, built a magnificent house, became scary and famous to everyone.”
Another says: “So-and-so, having studied the Italian language, shines at court and rules over everyone there”... But no one ever remembers the heavenly things. When you sing this to children from the very beginning, you teach them nothing else but the basis of all vices, instilling in them the two most powerful passions, i.e. greed, and an even more vicious passion - vain vanity. Just as the body cannot live even a short time if it eats unhealthy but unhealthy food, so the soul, receiving such suggestions, can never think about anything valiant and great. It’s as if you are deliberately trying to destroy the children, allowing them to do everything that by doing, it is impossible to escape. Look from afar; Woe, the Scripture says, to those who laugh (Lk. 6
:25); and you give children many reasons to laugh. Woe to the rich (24), and you take every measure to make them rich. Woe, when all men say good things to you (26); and you often spend entire property for human glory. He who reviles his brother is still guilty of hell (Matt. 5
:22), and you consider those who silently endure insults from others to be weak and cowardly. Christ commands us to refrain from quarreling and litigation, but you constantly occupy your children with these evil deeds. He forbade swearing completely (34); and you even laugh when you see that this is being observed. If, He says, you do not forgive their sins as a man, neither will your Father in heaven forgive you (Matt. 16
:15), and you even reproach children when they do not want to take revenge on those who offended them, and try to quickly give them the opportunity to do this. Christ said that those who love glory, whether they fast, pray, or give alms, do all this to no avail (Matt. 6
:1); and you are trying in every possible way so that your children achieve glory. And not only is it terrible that you instill in your children something contrary to the commandments of Christ, but also that you cover up depravity with euphonious names, calling constant presence on horse tracks and in theaters secularism, the possession of wealth - freedom, love of fame - generosity, insolence - frankness, injustice - courage. Then, as if this deception were not enough, you call virtues by opposite names: modesty - discourtesy, meekness - cowardice, justice - weakness, humility - servility, kindness - impotence" ( I. Zlatoust. Creations, vol. 1, pp. 83, 89, 90. Comp. Creation St. Tikhon of Zadonsk, vol. XI, p. 136. See also “Lessons of St. I. Chrysostom on education” in the book. Ep. Feofana - The Path to Salvation, pp. 316-346). So, in the first place in raising children is the implementation by the parents of the Gospel principles in their feelings, speech and life. If parents themselves live like true Christians, if they unfeignedly express their Christian orientation in word and deed in front of their children, then their example will have the most beneficial influence on their children. A child, for example, may not understand the meaning of the parents’ prayer, but their reverent worship of God, turning to Him in all circumstances of life, and diligent fulfillment of Christian duties deeply affect the child’s soul, and the power of example develops in it a living religious feeling. Thus, the Lord Himself guided His disciples. First, He allowed them to see in His example the action of humility, meekness, patience, love, prayer, and then He gave the commandments: “Take My yoke on you and learn from Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart; - love one another as you have loved; - pray in this way: “Our Father, Who art in heaven...” and so on.
Parents should do the same, first teaching their children by example, and then by instruction and command, what and how they should do. Parents themselves should serve as a living example of the good that they want to see in their children ( priest M. Menstrov. Lessons on Christian moral teaching. Ed. 2nd. St. Petersburg. 1914, pp. 262-255. Comp. An example of Christian education in the childhood of St. Stephen of Perm (memorial April 26.).
The piety of parents strengthens piety in the child. All this is accomplished by household works of piety, by the grace of God. “Let the child,” writes Bishop. Feofan, - participates in your morning and evening prayers; let him be in church as often as possible; receive communion as often as possible according to your faith; Let him always hear your pious conversations. In this case, there is no need to turn to it: it will listen and think on its own. Parents, on their part, need to do everything possible so that the child, when he regains consciousness, is most strongly aware that he is a Christian. But again, the main thing, in fact (the parents should have it), is the spirit of piety that penetrates and touches the child’s soul. Faith, prayer, fear of God are higher than any acquisition.” First of all, they must be implanted into the child’s soul ( Ep. Feofan. Outline of Christian Moral Teaching, pp. 494-495).
Towards education Christian parents add piety by their own example, their own piety to religious teaching in a form accessible to children. Letting children know the Christian faith, teaching their children the basic truths of their faith (the creed, commandments, prayers) is the duty of Christian parents. The Lord Savior Himself commanded this, saying: “Suffer the little children to come to Me, and do not hinder them, do not forbid them, for to such is the kingdom of God” (Mk. 10
:14 ; prof. M. Olesnitsky. Moral Theology. §72, pp. 264-364. I. Martensen. Christian teaching on morality, vol. II, part 2, St. Petersburg. 1890, §31, pp. 493-494. Filaret Archbishop Chernigovsky. Quote. collection. The Word in the Cathedral Church, pp. 761, 765).
The Lord Himself commanded parents: “Teach the commandments to your children, and speak of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise up” (Deut. 6
:7), that is, teach your children, always and constantly through life (your own) and in life (your daily life), teach them with the power of your living faith and piety, teach them with a living word, strengthened by your life action according to the Gospel commandments.
And the apostle commands that children be brought up “in the training (discipline) and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6
:4), but he also adds a warning to this: “Do not provoke your children to anger.” True moral education must guard against both excessive severity and excessive leniency, which is only weakness. It is necessary to be able to correctly combine discipline and instruction, rigor and affection when raising children. With only strict and harsh upbringing, a child can become fearful, downtrodden, devoid of all energy and independence, even hypocritical and flattering. With excessive leniency and liberality in upbringing, one becomes disorderly, carried away, whimsical and capricious, disrespectful towards parents, arrogant, arrogant, stubborn and impudent. The younger the person being brought up, the more necessary the discipline (“ We must not forget, writes Bishop. Feofan, - a restraining and at the same time the most effective means of correction - corporal punishment. The soul is formed through the body. There is evil that cannot be expelled from the soul by wounding the body. Why are wounds (corporal punishment) beneficial to the great, and even more so to the little. “Love your son, his wounds will be frequent (punishment)» , says the wise Sirach (30:1). But it goes without saying that one should resort to such a means in case of need.” Outline of Christian Moral Teaching, pp. 497-498).
As As education approaches its end, discipline should turn into an influence on the conscience, on the sense of duty and love for parents and neighbors.
“History and experience provide us with examples of both these extremes. In view of these extremes, a distinction can easily be made between generations that were brought up under the rod (of severity) and others that were brought up in bliss and caresses. And it can be shown that generations brought up in severity, who were at one time under ferula ( ferula - rod, figuratively - strict regime) of strict canonical discipline, usually brought better results than those brought up in affection, who grew up in an atmosphere of lawlessness, self-will (willfulness) and weakness. But the more education is conducted in the spirit of Christ, the more it reveals in mutual penetration seriousness and love, authority and freedom, law and Gospel" ( G. Martensen. Quote. cit., §30, pp. 492-493).
Without discipline there can be no education, because... In order for the will and heart to be formed in a useful direction, self-will and the beginnings of pride and selfishness must be broken. One cannot do without punishment, but love must punish, and in order not to irritate, embitter, or drive children out of patience, one must avoid any anger, impatience, one’s own caprice and injustice in corrective measures. Children by nature have the ability to distinguish between fair and unfair, arbitrary treatment, of which the latter irritates them. As a result, suggestion loses its inner strength and dignity. Nothing harms parenting more than lack of patience on the part of parents. If an unfair and irritatingly severe punishment intimidates or even leads to despair, it harms the child’s soul, sowing in it the seeds of alienation and enmity. Fear lowers his soul and makes it deceitful. It is necessary that the child, even in moments of parental suggestions, feel that the parents are motivated by love for him, and not hatred. The highest goal of discipline and punishment is to instill in a child not fear, but obedience, respect and love for parents, the development of a natural skill for joyful acts of kindness, responsiveness and love for others and aversion from all lies, malice, moral impurity and vice.
Thus, for parents, the leader in raising children is love. She foresees everything and invents ways for everything. But this parental love must be true, sober, controlled by reason, and not partial and indulgent. The latter regrets, apologizes and condescends too much. There must be prudent leniency. “It is better to transfer a little to severity than to indulgence, for day by day it leaves more and more uneradicated evil and allows dangers to grow (bad habits and passions take root), and severity cuts them off, if not forever, then for a long time” ( Ep. Feofan. Quote. cit., p. 497. Compare St. Tikhon Zadonsky. A word about Christian parenting. See op., vol. III. M., 1836, pp. 159-160. St. John Chrysostom. About raising children. §§4, 5, in the book of Bishop. Feofana - The Path to Salvation. Ed. 8. M., 1899, p. 313. See also Archbishop Filaret. Chernigovsky. Homily on the Day of the Entry of the Mother of God into the Temple (in the indicated collection), pp. 231-232). “Whoever spares the rod,” says the ancient sage, “hates his son; love (your son) - he will punish you diligently” (Prov. 29
:13).
In order to save children from any temptation and third-party bad influence and corrupting community, parents should not leave them without supervision and supervision, delve into everything and observe everything: with whom the child is friends and spends time, activities, where he happens, what he reads, what manifestations appear. he has interests, requests and much more ( St. I. Zlatoust. About education. §4).
Even from infancy, Christian parents should raise their children to be obedient; and to do this, suppress self-love and self-will in them, teach the child to conquer his own will and get used to abstinence, self-restraint, deprivation and self-sacrifice. In dealing with children, while avoiding severity, one must even more avoid excessive familiarity, familiarity, excessive attention and unnecessary jokes.
Parents must train their children to obey for God's sake; demand from them quick and precise obedience, teach them to fulfill their parents’ will at the very first word. To do this, in your orders you must be fair, not changeable, and mutually (spouses) agree ( S.S. Conversations with raising children. Tr.-Serg. Lavra, 1904, pp. 41-51).
Particular attention should be paid to instilling truthfulness in children (for lying in children is the root of every vice), a sense of modesty (which is the guardian of their chastity and purity for life).
By carefully observing and studying your children, you need to discover and then eradicate the main vice, the main passion that begins to take possession of the child’s soul (for example, a tendency to vanity, pride, conceit, stubbornness; or to stinginess and greed; or to carnal sensuality; or envy and gloating, or laziness and idleness, or gluttony, etc. If you eradicate the main passion from the heart of a child, then other vices can easily be eradicated ( S.S. Conversations about education..., pp. 52-127).
Parents must instill in their child the skills of decency and modesty in speech, clothing, body position, and demeanor in front of others - so that the external serves as a manifestation of the internal and so that the internal does not lose from external misbehavior. It is very important to instill in children the following skills: hard work - a desire for work and a dislike for idleness, love of order, conscientious diligence - the disposition, without sparing oneself, without sparing one's strength, to do in good conscience everything that the duty of a Christian and (in the future) member of society requires. But all these external, so valuable qualities must, at their core, have the spirit of Christian piety, the spirit of Christian love and self-sacrifice.
Without true piety, love and self-sacrifice, selfish feelings (self-love) develop in the soul, which weaken and damage these good qualities, using them only for personal gain, and not for the benefit of others.
Finally statements about the moral responsibilities of parents towards children, let us recall the words of St. Paul: “He who plants and he who waters is nothing, but God who makes everything grow” (1 Cor. 3
:7). This saying also finds application in education. And indeed, education is far from omnipotent. The results of upbringing often turn out to be far from what the parents aspired for. We see an example already in the first marriage couple in the person of their sons Cain and Abel. With the same parents, one of the children may be good and pious, while the other turns out to be quarrelsome, disobedient and angry. Here we are faced with many reasons: the combination of freedom and self-determination with moral education, heredity (disadvantages or positive qualities) from parents; the influence of personal example and the life of parents on the one hand, and external influence from the environment, environment, partnership - on the other, and many others. etc.
Therefore, parents, caring for the upbringing and well-being of their children, must at the same time diligently and constantly pray to God for them. Parental prayer is especially powerful before God and brings God’s blessing to children.
Responsibilities of children towards parents
“If we think,” says St. Ambrose of Milan, “what our parents did for us, we will be amazed at the immeasurability of our debt (to them)” ( cit. from the Spiritual Flower Garden, part 2, §26). From parents comes temporary life, from them is the foundation, beginning and ways to eternal life through Christian upbringing.
Hence, children, not only by nature, blood relationship, but also by their inner sense of conscience, should have special feelings and dispositions towards their parents. The main feeling of children for their parents is love with respect, humility and obedience. These feelings must be reasonable and durable.
Trust-filled respect and love are the basis of all child behavior. “Honor your father and your mother, that good may come to you, and that you may live long on the earth” (Exod. 20
:12 ; Matt. 15
:3-6). Disrespect towards parents is an extremely grave sin (Exod. 21
:16 ; Matt. 15
:4): Whoever reveres his parents, does not submit to them, and is separated from them in his heart, has perverted his nature and has fallen away from God. Respect is obligatory for children even if parents reveal any weaknesses or shortcomings. “Even if the father has become impoverished in mind, have mercy towards him and do not neglect him in the fullness of your strength, for mercy towards the father will not be forgotten; despite your sins, your prosperity will increase. In the day of your tribulation you will be remembered; like ice from warmth, your sins will be forgiven" (Sirach. 3
:13-15).
“Therefore, keep it in your heart in every possible way,” writes the bishop. Feofan, - with honest faces of your parents, do not cast a shadow on their faces with any blasphemous thought or word and do not confuse your heart. Let there be reasons for this, do not heed them. It is better to endure everything than to separate your heart from your parents, for God gave them His strength. Honoring your parents in your heart, you will be careful not to offend them with your words and actions. Whoever accidentally offends them has gone far; whoever did this consciously and without good movements of the heart has gone even further. Insulting parents is very dangerous. Near him there is a legend to Satan, due to some secret connection. He who has eclipsed the honor of his parents in his heart can easily separate himself from them, and he who has insulted them can separate himself from himself and his parents. But as soon as this happens, the cut off one comes under the visible dominion of another father, the father of lies and all evil. If this does not happen to every offender (of parents), then here is God’s condescension and protection. That is why we must always hasten to restore peace and love here, violated by any insult. While guarding against personal insults, one must refrain from insulting one's parents and in front of others - using defamatory words or slander and blasphemy. He who has already suffered disrespect stands on the edge of evil. He who honors his parents will take care in every possible way and will delight them with his behavior and sanctify them before others, dignify them and in every possible way protect them from untruths and condemnations” ( Ep. Feofan. Outline of Christian Moral Teaching, pp. 498-499).
The basis and motivation for honoring parents should be gratitude for the great work of education (1 Tim. 5
:4). “From no one except God do we receive greater blessings than from our parents” ( Orthodox Confession, Part III, Rev. 62). This gratitude should be expressed in reassuring elderly parents and also extend beyond their lives, expressed in prayer and in remembrance of them.
The immediate consequence of a child's disrespect for their parents is obedience. “My son, obey your father; he begat you; and do not despise your mother when she is old” (Prov. 23
:22). “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is what justice requires” (Eph. 6
:1). Children must obey their parents “in the Lord,” i.e. obey in everything that is not contrary to the law of God, remembering at the same time the words of the Lord Jesus Christ: “Whoever loves father or mother more than Me is worthy of Me” (Matt. 10
:37).
The commandment to honor parents is given with the promise of long life and prosperity (Eph. 6
:2). Children should treasure their parents' blessings most of all. Therefore, we must try in every possible way to receive it, and to do this, make sure that the parent’s heart is open to them, and not closed. “The blessing of parents is like the almighty word of God. Just as it multiplies, so does this” ( Ep. Feofan. Inscription..., page 499). “A father’s blessing establishes children’s homes, but a mother’s oath destroys them to the ground” (Sirach. 3
:9). He who does not have parental blessing has no happiness in anything, everything is out of hand; your own mind disappears, and others become alienated. All this is confirmed by life.
Mutual responsibilities of relatives
The first immediate place among persons included in the family and in a related relationship is occupied by brothers and sisters, conceived in the same womb, fed on the same milk, raised under the same roof, the same parental care and love. Already by nature they are in a close union and are connected with each other by brotherhood and sisterly love, from this love strong peace and harmony should themselves be born - an inexhaustible source of mutual joys, joy for parents and the entire family. The biggest misfortune in a family is when brothers and sisters are not in harmony, they begin to separate themselves, everyone pulls towards himself and for himself, which is why order ceases in the family; cooperation, help and success. The family is destroyed.
In family Usually there are older brothers and sisters. It is their job to take care of them and, by their example, to morally instill the younger ones, to help parents in raising the younger ones. The younger ones have a duty to respect their elders and obey. And this is quite natural. In the event of the death of parents, the elders should completely take the place of the parents for the younger ones.
And between other relatives, kindred love is natural and at the same time obligatory. Only it takes on different forms and shades, depending on the type of relationship, for example, kindred love between grandparents and grandchildren, between uncles and nephews, etc. In general, about family relations ap. Paul says: “If anyone does not take care of his own, and especially those of his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an infidel” (
This is why we need to get married so that it will help us lead a chaste life; and this will be the case if we take such brides who can bring us great chastity, great modesty. A wife is a haven and the most important cure for mental illness. If you keep this pier free from winds and waves, you will find great peace in it, but if you disturb and agitate it, then you are preparing for yourself the most dangerous shipwreck. (St. John Chrysostom).
The wife is given to the husband to help, so that the husband, with her consolation, can endure everything that happens to him in life. And if the wife is meek and adorned with virtues, then not only with her company she will bring comfort to her husband, but in general she will provide him with great benefit, making everything easier for him, helping him in everything, not leaving him in difficult trials, like those external (outside the home). , and those that happen every day in the house; but, like a skilled helmsman, she, with her prudence, will calm down every spiritual storm in him and with her cohabitation will give him consolation. For those living in such a union of marriage, nothing in real life can sadden them too much, nothing can disturb their peaceful happiness (St. John Chrysostom).
Marriage is a gift of God, sanctified by the blessing of the Church. The very first act of the Creator after the creation of husband and wife was to bless them to “be fruitful and multiply”; this is how the blessing of marital cohabitation and childbearing took place so that family members would simultaneously be members of the Church of Christ. The Lord Jesus Christ not only confirmed the original blessing of marriage, but also restored the law about it to its original force. Contrary to the Mosaic Law, which still allows the dissolution of marriage, Christ decisively prohibits divorce. And to the question of the Pharisees, “Is it permissible to divorce your wife for any reason?” he pointed to the original law of the unity and indissolubility of marriage, established by the first marriage couple Adam and Eve, and added:
If God unites, let not man separate.
The Gospel of Luke (chapter 102) says that marriage will cease to exist only when there is no death. The interpretation of this Gospel says:
The sons of this age, who in this world give birth and with those who give birth, marry and encroach. For centuries, their sons will neither have anything of the kind nor die, and may be deprived of marriage there. Where is the death of marriage for the sake of death? Marriage is for the sake of death, it is an exercise in death. What does marriage require? Marriage is a help to mortals and fulfillment of lack.
In the life of St. Nicholas the Wonderworker there is a description of a miracle about three virgins: an impoverished husband, the father of three daughters, wanted to give them to a shameful and lawless fornication in order to thus alleviate poverty in the family. To prevent these intentions, Saint Nicholas secretly appeared in his house three times with bundles of gold and with his help contributed to the fact that all three girls were legally married. From this it is clear that Saint Nicholas recognized the need for the marriage union, as the Sacrament of Marriage, sanctified by the Church. This event took place in the 4th century, when there were no wedding rites yet, and marriages were performed only with a parental blessing in the presence of witnesses (Book Kormchaya, sheet 500).
In the Old Testament, marriage was revered even higher than virginity, and fornicators and adulterers were killed with stones (Bible, Leviticus, Chapter 20 and Deuteronomy, Chapter 22). Prophet Jeremiah He also did not disdain marriage and advised the Israelis to enter into one, and when the marriage of Tobiah, the son of Tobit, took place, the incorporeal servant of the Lord, Archangel Raphael, arrived at his house. (Book of Tobit, 1-14 ch.)
The Gospel of John (chapter 6) describes the celebration of a marriage in Cana of Galilee, to which Jesus Christ Himself and the Most Holy Theotokos were invited. Christ honored this wedding feast with his presence and made up for the lack of wine by miraculously transforming simple water into the best wine. The first miracle described in the Gospel is confirmation that the Savior himself blessed this marriage, performed at home.
How did the rite of a church wedding develop?
In the first century after the Birth of Christ, in apostolic times, Christians did not have a legalized wedding priesthood; marriages were performed at home, with a triple blessing, since churches did not yet exist.
There were different positions among the apostles regarding marriage. Thus, the Apostle Paul spoke of Christianity as an immaculate, sinless, ascetic religion. Peter called for early marriages and the inclusion of everyone in marriage.
Married life should be chaste. The main source of chastity is the Church. In his letter to the Ephesians, the Apostle Paul elevates Christian marriage to the meaning of the union of Christ with the Church, as head with body. This union is mysterious, because it is incomprehensible:
This is a great mystery; I speak in relation to Christ and to the Church (Eph. 5; 31-32).
« This law of God, which combines husband and wife, was established for the propagation of the human race and for the limitation of lust.“- this is how early Christian theologians describe the reasons for marriage.
...To avoid fornication, each one have his own wife, and each one have his own husband (1 Cor. 7:2).
Thus, one must get married in order to lead a chaste life. Saint John Chrysostom advises parents to preserve the chastity of their sons to marry them earlier, and to prevent fornication it is necessary to unite the son in marriage with a chaste and reasonable wife, who will keep her husband from a reckless lifestyle.
The Church clearly opposes civil marriages - cohabitation without a church blessing is considered the greatest sin.
In the interpretation of St. John Chrysostom on the First Epistle to Timothy, the Apostle Paul says:
For this reason, crowns are placed on the heads, the formation of victory, as if they were invincible, so they come to the bed of the invincible bystanders from sweetness. If he was caught out of lust, the harlots themselves from a distance, for the sake of other things and to have a crown on their head, they are defeated. We teach them these things, we punish them with them, we frighten them with them, we forbid them, when they do this, when they do it.
On the meaning of marriage in human life apostle paul says in his messages:
It’s better to get married than to get thin (chapter 136). Even if you get married, you have not sinned, and even if you have violated a virgin, you have not sinned (chapter 138). Even if an angel brings you good news, let him be anathema (chapter 199).
In the book Ephraim the Syrian(first word) it says:
Nowhere is it written that if you don’t understand a wife, you shouldn’t have children. The heretics abhorred marriage and did not accept sinners for repentance; they were called purists (Prince Helmsman, 1st Council, pr. 8th).
According to the apostolic rules: a marriage-borer cannot be a confessor (right 51 Apostolic); those who sin should be accepted to repentance (Apostolic Pr. 52). A bigamist or a concubine cannot be a confessor (right 17 of the Holy Apostle); for the sake of the priesthood, do not let go of your wife, i.e., the confessor must not be separated from his lawful wife (St. Apostle 5); there will be no prodigal priest (Book Nomakanon pr. 181, 182 and 183).
The Apostle Paul, in Christ's teaching on the indissolubility of marriages (1 Cor. 7:10), supports the prohibition of interreligious marriages, but if one of the spouses has converted to Christianity, husband or wife, then they can save each other. The dissolution of such a marriage is possible only at the request of the non-Christian party (1 Cor. 7; 12-16).
Emperor Alexei Komnenos (1081–1118) for the first time issued a decree on church weddings among Christian slaves, who had until now been denied this, since they did not recognize the equality of masters and slaves in the face of the Christian faith alone. The same phenomenon was characteristic of the first years of the adoption of Christianity in Rus', when church marriage embraced noble people, and the lower class was left to live without a wedding.
The stage preceding the wedding was associated with betrothal, which in early Christianity took place several years before marriage, and during the life of the groom no one could marry this bride.
The holiness of Christian weddings and marriages was combined with the communion of the Holy Mysteries. The wedding took place during the Liturgy or immediately after it.
For violation of marital fidelity, the Church excommunicated from Communion of the Holy Mysteries for a period of 7 to 15 years. It was also forbidden to ordain bigamous men to the sacred degrees. They were also prohibited from Communion of the Holy Mysteries for 1 year, and triplets - for 3 years as punishment for lack of patience, self-control and devotion to the will of God. During the wedding, prayers were read to such couples for forgiveness of the sin of carnal weakness, which prompted them to enter into a new marriage, since the Church looked at a third marriage better than debauchery.
The sanctity of the marriage union is insulted not only adultery, but also other sins: discord, resentment, which ultimately leads to divorce. Saint John Chrysostom teaches us that marriage is not so that we fill our homes with enmity and hatred, have quarrels and dissensions, start disagreements with each other and make life miserable, but so that we can benefit from help, have a haven, a refuge and consolation in times of adversity, in order to find pleasure in conversation with his wife. " Do you want your wife to obey you, husband, as the Church obeys Christ? - asks Saint John Chrysostom, - take care of her yourself, as Christ takes care of the Church. Teach your wife the fear of God, and everything will flow to you as from a source, and your house will be filled with numerous blessings».
In “Conversations on Marriage,” St. John Chrysostom writes:
From love comes constant chastity... From chastity comes love, and from love comes countless benefits. Just as it is impossible for a chaste man to despise his wife and ever neglect her, so it is impossible for a depraved and dissolute man to love his wife, even if she were the most beautiful of all. It is not so much external things that make spouses amiable and pleasant to each other, but chastity, kindness, affection and willingness to die for each other.
In Rus', in order to protect the bride from anything that could harm her modesty and chastity, she did not see the groom until the wedding.
The rite of church weddings developed gradually. In Rus' in the 11th-12th centuries the Sacrament of Marriage was already performed, but its order has not been preserved to this day. In the 16th-17th centuries, the wedding rite finally took on the form that is now used by Old Believers who accept the priesthood.
Celebration of the Sacrament of Marriage by the Old Believers-Priests
Marriages in the Old Believer Church do not take place every day. Marriages are not performed:
- During Christmas time - from the Birth of Christ on January 7 (December 25, old style) to Epiphany on January 19 (January 6, old style);
- On Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays;
- On the eve of the holidays;
- On the Friday before parents' Saturdays;
- On Maslenitsa;
- During all fasts (Great, Petrov, Uspensky and Rozhdestvensky);
- On Bright Easter Week;
- On the holidays of the Beheading of John the Baptist on September 11 (August 29, old style) and the Exaltation of the Honorable Cross on September 27 (September 14, old style).
The Sacrament of Marriage, performed in the Old Believer Church, consists of and.
Church marriage (church wedding, wedding) - a Christian marital union of a man and a woman, concluded through a sacred ceremony in a religious community, according to the established procedure, in contrast to a civil marriage concluded in a state institution. In historical churches, marriage is a church sacrament and, according to church teaching, in the sacrament the bride and groom, united by love and mutual consent, receive the grace and blessing of God to create a family, for mutual consent in married life, for the blessed birth of children, multiplication of the family, raising children in the Christian faith, the ultimate goal of which is the salvation of all family members. The family in Christianity is a “small church”. In Protestantism, there is a church blessing of marriage, performed as a “marriage” ceremony, but such a blessing is not recognized as a church sacrament by Protestants themselves.
General Christian understanding of marriage, according to the New Testament.
The Church, through the letter of the Apostle Paul, calls marriage a great “sacrament” or “mystery,” comparing the union of spouses in a Christian marriage with the union of Christ with the Church:
Old Testament
Preparation for the sacrament of marriage
Terms of fulfillment
Wedding witnesses
Marriage time
Divorce and remarriage
Remarriage
Marriage in evangelical churches
Marriage
Divorce
According to Christian doctrine, a wife must obey her husband, and the husband must love his wife as Christ loved the Church, that is, he gave his life for the Church, shed his blood on the Cross for Her:
The husband and wife in a Christian marriage become one flesh, and also bear mutual responsibility for the preservation of the marriage union, because according to the words of Jesus Christ:
In the Gospel, Christ repeats the words of the seventh commandment given to Moses: “Thou shalt not commit adultery”, that adultery is a sin and the gravest crime against God and one’s neighbor, and that Christians must maintain marital fidelity:
An important part of marriage is self-sacrifice, the essence of which is set out in the letter of the Apostle Peter in the New Testament:
External side of the ceremony
Church marriage in Christianity consists of three main ritual forms: betrothal, wedding and common cup. Betrothal is an ancient aspect of church marriage, dating back to the Old Testament church and preserved today in Judaism. Wedding came to Christianity from paganism; even at the beginning of the 3rd century, it was opposed by the Christian writer Tertullian, who condemns it as a pagan custom in his book: “De corona militis.” In the beginning, crowns were made from plants. But by the 5th century, weddings had already become a Christian affiliation of marriage and received new content in Christianity; John Chrysostom explained the laying of crowns as a sign of the newlyweds’ victory over lust:
Drinking the common cup is a reminder that in ancient times everything in the life of a Christian, including marriage, was sanctified by communion with the Body and Blood of Christ. Accordingly, the wedding feast had the image of the early Christian Agape - "Evenings of Love".
History of Christian Marriage
Old Testament
According to Christian doctrine, God blessed marriage, or the marriage of husband and wife, back in Paradise, when he created Eve for Adam from his rib, as his assistant, and commanded the wife to be obedient to her husband and commanded them to multiply (Gen. 1:27- 28) (Gen. 2:20-24).
Marriage in Christianity is a continuation of the divinely established Old Testament marriage, but with a new spiritual and moral content (see above “The general Christian understanding of marriage, according to the New Testament”). If in the Old Testament and in its continuation, Judaism, polygamy and the presence of concubines were considered tolerable, the law of levirate was in force, and divorce was allowed, then in a Christian marriage, polygamy, concubines, and divorce are the sin of adultery. In the same way, levirate, which is the sin of incest, is strictly prohibited.
Church marriage in the first centuries of Christianity
According to Christian doctrine, Jesus Christ blessed the marriage when he performed the first miracle at a marriage in Cana of Galilee, turning water into wine (John 2:1-11).
In the first centuries of Christianity, a church marriage consisted of God's blessing, which the bride and groom received through the bishop, and later through the priest. Ignatius the God-Bearer wrote about its mandatory necessity at the end of the 1st - beginning of the 2nd century in his Epistle to Polycarp:
Upon entering into marriage, a young man and a girl made a promise of marital fidelity to the priest, after which the priest gave a blessing for the birth and Christian upbringing of children. The fact that the priest gave blessings for marriage in ancient times is evidenced by Basil the Great, Gregory the Theologian, John Chrysostom, and Methodius of Patara.
The Armenian Church recognized the need for church rites for the validity of marriage - Canon 7 of the Shahapivan Council of 444.
In the Byzantine Empire for a long time(before the order of Emperor Alexios I Komnenos in 1092), marriage was regulated by the norms of Roman law, which required legal registration (a written contract) only for the upper classes.
The 89th novella of Leo VI the Wise (about 895), which prescribed marriage only with church blessing, concerned only free persons, that is, not slaves.
The final prohibition of marriage without the knowledge and blessing of the parish priest followed under Emperor Andronikos II Palaiologos (1282-1328) and Patriarch Athanasius I (1289-1293; 1303-1309).
From Canonical answers Metropolitan of Kyiv John II (1078-1089) shows that the Russian people for some time considered weddings to be part of the marriage of princes and boyars, continuing to adhere to the pagan customs of kidnapping and buying brides when entering into marriage. A similar practice in Christianity, according to monuments, occurs until the end of the 17th century, and in modern times only as wedding games.
In the state-legal sense, a church marriage (as opposed to a civil marriage) is a marriage recognized by the state, concluded (registered) in religious institutions. Until the beginning of the 20th century, it was the only type of marriage that entailed legal consequences in most European countries. In Russia it was abolished in 1918, after the October Revolution.
Traditionally, a wedding is preceded by an engagement (sometimes with betrothal) - a notification to others that two people are going to get married and can show each other signs of attention.
Basic information
Marriage is one of the Christian sacraments, which dates back to Old Testament times. According to Gen. 2:18 The purpose of marriage is not so much procreation as spiritual and physical unity, complementarity, mutual assistance. The commandment to “be fruitful and multiply” applies to both man and other living beings (Gen. 1:22,28), but only man is commanded to make “one flesh” in love (Gen. 2:24).
In the Old Testament, the second chapter of the Book of Genesis is devoted to the issue of marriage. The meaning and purpose of marriage, according to it, is eternal and indivisible unity in the image of the Persons of the Holy Trinity. This is exactly how the Bible describes a heavenly marriage:
And the Lord God said: It is not good for man to be alone; Let us create for him a helper suitable for him. The Lord God formed from the ground every animal of the field and every bird of the air, and brought it to man to see what he would call them, and that whatever man called every living soul, that would be its name. And the man gave names to all the livestock, and to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for man there was no helper like him. And the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and when he fell asleep, he took one of his ribs and covered that place with flesh. And the Lord God created a wife from a rib taken from a man, and brought her to the man. And the man said, Behold, this is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she will be called woman, for she was taken from man. Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife; and they will be one flesh. And they were both naked, Adam and his wife, and were not ashamed. |
It follows from the Holy Scriptures that the establishment of the institution of marriage (the union of the two sexes - male and female - into one flesh) occurs even before the Fall in Paradise, therefore the opinion that marriage was established after the Fall is erroneous.
In the New Testament, Jesus Christ reveals the divine plan for marriage:
And the Pharisees came to Him and, tempting Him, said to Him: Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason? He answered and said to them, Have you not read that He who created in the beginning made them male and female? And he said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh.” So, what God has joined together, let no man separate. They say to Him: How did Moses command to give a letter of divorce and divorce her? He says to them: Moses, because of your hardness of heart, allowed you to divorce your wives, but at first it was not so; but I say to you: whoever divorces his wife for reasons other than adultery and marries another commits adultery; and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery... |
The Russian Orthodox Church expressed its attitude towards marriage in the “Fundamentals of a Social Concept”:
The difference between the sexes is a special gift of the Creator to the people He created. “And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female he created them” (Gen. 1:27). Being equally bearers of the image of God and human dignity, man and woman are created for integral unity with each other in love: “For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and be united to his wife; and the two will become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). Embodying the original will of the Lord for creation, the marital union blessed by Him becomes a means of continuing and multiplying the human race: “And God blessed them, and God said to them: be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it” (Gen. 1:28). The characteristics of the sexes are not limited to differences in bodily structure. Man and woman represent two different modes of existence in one humanity. They need communication and mutual replenishment. However, in a fallen world, gender relations can become perverted, ceasing to be an expression of God-given love and degenerating into a manifestation of fallen man’s sinful attachment to his own self. For Christians, marriage has become, in the words of St. John Chrysostom, “the sacrament of love,” the eternal unity of spouses with each other in Christ. Fundamentals of the social concept of the Russian Orthodox Church |
The sacrament of marriage in the modern Russian Orthodox Church
Preparation for the sacrament of marriage
The bride and groom must confess and receive communion before marriage. It is advisable that three or four days before this day they prepare themselves for the sacraments of confession and communion.
For the wedding, you need to prepare two icons - Jesus Christ and the Virgin Mary, with which the bride and groom are blessed during the sacrament. These icons are taken from parental homes; they were passed down as home shrines from parents to children. The icons are brought by the parents, and if they do not participate in the wedding sacrament, by the bride and groom. The bride and groom purchase wedding rings. The ring is a sign of eternity, fidelity and indissolubility of the marriage union.
The main preparation for the upcoming sacrament is fasting. The Russian Orthodox Church recommends that those entering marriage prepare themselves for it by fasting, prayer, repentance and communion.
The future spouses must discuss the day and time of the wedding with the priest in advance and in person. Before the wedding, it is necessary to confess and take communion; it is possible to do this not on the day of the wedding.
It is advisable to invite two witnesses.
To perform the Sacrament of Wedding you must have:
- icon of Christ;
- icon of the Mother of God;
- wedding rings;
- wedding candles (sold in the temple);
- a white towel (wedding towel) for laying under your feet.
You must bring a marriage certificate entered into at the civil registry office. In the absence of state registration of marriage, a special written blessing of the ruling bishop for the wedding is required before registration with the registry office.
Orthodox rites of marriage
In the Russian Orthodox Church there are three rites for the celebration of marriage:
- The sequence of the great wedding (Ch. 16 - 19 of the Great Trebnik) - when both or one of the persons getting married gets married for the first time;
- Consequence about remarriage (Chapter 21) - when both those getting married remarry;
- Following the church consecration of the union of spouses who have lived together for many years.
Since 1775, in the Russian Church, betrothal has taken place at the same time as the wedding; an exception was made for persons of the imperial family.
The words of the priest have a secret meaning in the wedding rite: “Lord our God, crown me with glory and honor” (church-slav. ѧ - accusative case of the pronoun They).
With these words and the placement of crowns on the heads of those getting married, the person glorifies the king of creation, since the family, according to Christian views, is the image of a small church, and for the rest of their lives the newlyweds become king and queen for each other. In addition, the wedding symbolically expresses the honoring of the martyrs, since the path to God is the path of Christ, which means the crucifixion of the “old man”, filled with sin, selfishness and lust. Newlyweds undertake before God to maintain chastity of marriage, first of all, the absence of adulterous thoughts, because the sin of adultery is born in the heart.
A husband and wife in marriage, according to Christians, eternally become one flesh (if they do not destroy the sacrament of unity by the sin of adultery), and also bear mutual responsibility for the safety of the marriage union, because according to the words of Jesus Christ “...and the two will become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate” (Matthew 5:19).
Terms of fulfillment
Due to the fact that the legislation in force in the Russian Federation and other countries of the canonical territory of the Russian Orthodox Church recognizes only civil (and not church) marriage, in the Russian Church, weddings, as a rule, are performed only for couples already in a civil marriage.
In special cases and with the permission of the ruling bishop, Orthodox Christians can be married not only to Orthodox Christians, but also to non-Orthodox Christians who profess the Triune God, and only with the consent of the non-Orthodox person to raise children in the Orthodox faith.
In modern practice, in accordance with the fundamentals of the social concept of the Russian Orthodox Church, based on the principle of oikonomia, marriages concluded without a wedding for a good reason (in Soviet time, with people of other faiths and unbelievers) are not considered sinful fornication and do not serve as an obstacle to marriage. An obstacle to a church marriage may be the presence of an abandoned family in one or both spouses, debts to pay alimony, or criminal offenses.
Wedding witnesses
When the priest places crowns on the heads of the bride and groom, their recipients, or witnesses, accept and hold them. Behind the bride is her friend, and behind the groom is a friend. They are the prayerful guardians of this marriage, spiritual mentors, therefore “they must be Orthodox and God-loving.”
In pre-revolutionary Russia, when a church marriage had legal civil and legal force, the wedding of Orthodox Christians was necessarily performed with guarantors - popularly they were called druzhka, girlfriend or best man, and in liturgical books (breviaries) - patrons. The guarantors confirmed the wedding act in the register with their signatures; They, as a rule, knew the bride and groom well and vouched for them. The guarantors took part in the betrothal and wedding, that is, while the bride and groom walked around the lectern, they held the crowns above their heads.
Now there may or may not be guarantors (witnesses) - at the request of those entering into marriage. The guarantors must be Orthodox, preferably church people, and must treat the sacrament of marriage with reverence. The duties of guarantors during a marriage are, in their spiritual basis, the same as those of baptismal custodians: just as guarantors, experienced in spiritual life, are obliged to lead godchildren in the Christian life, so guarantors must spiritually lead a new family. Therefore, previously young, unmarried people, people unfamiliar with family and married life were not invited to act as guarantors.
Some priests place crowns directly on the heads of the bride and groom. In this case, the witnesses simply stand on either side of the newlyweds during the wedding, accompany them in the temple and at the feast, and can participate in the exchange of rings during the engagement. In addition, children can hold and carry behind the bride a long train from her white wedding veil. At weddings, sometimes boys line up next to the groom, and opposite them - girls - next to the bride.
Marriage time
Canonically (Chapter 50 of the Nomocanon) it is not allowed to marry on the following days and periods:
- From the Week of Meat (that is, the Sunday before Forgiveness Sunday) to the Week of St. Thomas (1st Sunday after Easter);
- throughout Peter's Lent;
- during the entire Assumption Lent;
- throughout the entire Nativity Fast along with the days of Christmastide, that is, until January 6 according to the Julian calendar.
- on the eve of one-day fasts, that is, on the eve of Wednesday and Friday;
- on the eve of Sundays, great holidays, temple (throne) holidays; according to practice in the synodal era also: on the eve of St. Nicholas Day (May 9), the Moscow Kazan Icon (October 22) and the repose of John the Theologian (September 26; all dates according to the Julian calendar).
It is advisable to perform a wedding in the morning or in the afternoon, after the liturgy has been performed (in ancient times it was performed during the Liturgy itself). However, you can often find that on the wedding day, smartly dressed couples and guests first go to the registry office to register a civil marriage, then (while it is still light outside, if it is a winter wedding) they take photographs in various picturesque and significant places in the city, then the wedding takes place in the temple, and The solemn day ends with a wedding feast.
Divorce and remarriage
The fundamental position of Christianity in relation to marriage is its indissolubility: Mark. 10:2-12. The only acceptable reason for the dissolution of a marriage can be infidelity (adultery) of one of the spouses (Matthew 19:9). However, even in this case, the Christian Church, for the sake of an eternal, blissful afterlife, calls on spouses to try to save their family, to endure and forgive the sins and shortcomings of their spouse:
| To the unmarried and widows I say: it is good for them to remain as I do. But if they [cannot] abstain, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to become inflamed. But to those who have entered into marriage, I command not I, but the Lord: the wife should not divorce her husband, but if she divorces, she must remain single, or be reconciled with her husband, and the husband should not leave [his] wife. To the rest I say, not the Lord: if a brother has an unbelieving wife, and she agrees to live with him, then he should not leave her; and a wife who has an unbelieving husband, and he agrees to live with her, should not leave him. For an unbelieving husband is sanctified by a believing wife, and an unbelieving wife is sanctified by a believing husband. Otherwise your children would have been unclean, but now they are holy. If an unbeliever [wants] to get a divorce, let him get a divorce; brother or sister in such [cases] are not related; The Lord has called us to peace. Why do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or do you, husband, why do you know if you won’t save your wife? (1 Cor. 7:8-16) |
The Russian Church considers marriage indissoluble, but allows the termination of marital cohabitation only due to the infidelity of one of the spouses. In 2000, “taking into account the general impoverishment of love in people, as well as making concessions to human frailty,” the following reasons were added to the sin of adultery in the matter of dissolution of a marriage in the Fundamentals of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church:
- malicious abandonment of family;
- abortion if the spouse does not consent;
- mental illness of one of the spouses;
- imprisonment of one of the spouses in places of deprivation of liberty due to causing serious harm or murder to someone;
- chronic alcoholism or drug addiction;
- unnatural vices;
- impotence that occurred before marriage or resulted from intentional self-harm;
- disease with syphilis or leprosy;
- HIV/AIDS disease;
- long-term missingness;
- attempts to harm the health of children or spouses, or a threat to their life.
However, it should be understood that there is no order of divorce, this procedure is exclusively bureaucratic and it does not consist in the dissolution of the marriage as such, but in permission from the bishop for a second church marriage, when the second marriage has already been registered in the registry office.
The Church does not encourage second marriage. However, after a legal ecclesiastical divorce, according to canon law, a second marriage is permitted to the innocent spouse. Persons whose first marriage broke up and was dissolved through their fault are allowed to enter into a second marriage only on condition of repentance and fulfillment of penance imposed in accordance with canonical rules; a second marriage is allowed in order to avoid disorderly fornication. In those exceptional cases when a third marriage is allowed, the period of penance, according to the rules of St. Basil the Great, is increased.
Remarriage
As for second marriage, referring to the 87th rule of Basil the Great: “A second marriage is a cure against fornication, and not a farewell to voluptuousness.” The Russian Orthodox Church allows second and third marriage. However, both the second and third marriages are not performed according to a solemn ceremony, but rather a penitential one.
Regarding the third marriage, the 50th rule of Basil the Great says:
Thus, the third marriage is an extreme concession to the church in order to prevent the sin of adultery. The fourth and subsequent ones are not blessed at all.
The Orthodox Church allows the second marriage of a widow (widower) if she (he) expresses such a desire, since, according to the Apostle Paul, “a wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives.” That is, even if in marriage the spouses failed to cultivate love that would unite them forever, they are bound by the Law and do not have the right to file for divorce during the lifetime of both spouses - otherwise, the person filing for divorce becomes guilty of the sin of adultery. However, in the event of the death of one of the spouses, the second becomes “free from the Law,” that is, if he wants, he can enter into a second marriage, “but only in the Lord.” However, he will be happier and deserve greater grace from God if he remains faithful to his first and only spouse.
You can maintain your love for him now as well as before; the power of love is such that it embraces, combines and unites not only those who are with us, or close to us, and whom we see, but also those who are distant from us; neither the length of time, nor the distance of distance, and nothing else like that can interrupt and end spiritual friendship. If you want to see him face to face (I know that you really want this), then keep his bed inaccessible to another husband, try to be equal to him in life, and you, of course, will leave here at the same time. his face, and you will live with him not for five years, as here, not for twenty or a hundred, not even for a thousand or two, not for ten thousand or several ten thousand years, but for boundless and endless centuries. Inheritance to those resting places is obtained not by physical relationship, but by the same way of life. - “Word to a Young Widow”, St. John Chrysostom |
Marriages with people of other faiths in Russia before 1918
The generally binding, church-wide and irrevocable canons of the Orthodox Church, adopted at the Ecumenical Councils: the 10th Canon of the Laodicean Council and the 72nd Canon of the 6th Ecumenical Council, categorically prohibit an Orthodox person (Orthodox) from entering into cohabitation (marriage) with any non-Orthodox, that is, with a heretic, moreover, the 72nd rule commands that such lawless cohabitations be destroyed; the only exception is the 72nd rule, referring to the letter of the Apostle Paul: 1 Cor. 7:14, does for a marriage concluded outside the church, that is, when both spouses were non-Orthodox, and then, while already married, one of the spouses accepted holy baptism and became Orthodox, and the other has not yet come to the true faith, but does not interfere to the other spouse in his choice of a new way of faith in life. Before the synodal period, in the Russian Church, according to the holy canons of the Ecumenical Councils, marriages of Orthodox Christians with any non-Orthodox were strictly prohibited.
Since 1721, Tsar Peter abolished not only the patriarchate, but also the cathedral administration in the Russian local church; according to the “Oath for Members of the Holy Synod,” it was headed by a non-local cathedral, headed by the patriarch and an assembly of all bishops, which can never go beyond the canons of the Ecumenical Councils, cancel or change them; and a person who is not only a bishop, but also a priest and even a deacon, that is, a layman, a state ruler: a king or a woman (queen). The Tsar ruled the Russian local church through his lay official (chief prosecutor), also a person without holy ordination, who stood at the head of the Holy Collegium or the Holy Synod - the governing body of the Russian local church. All members of the Synod took an oath before God, in which they confessed to be the “ultimate judge” in the local church of the monarch.
From that time on, the tsar began to issue his laws on behalf of the synod and extend them to church administration, without paying attention to the dogmas and canons of the Orthodox Church. One of these new laws was the permission: “Epistle” of 1721 for Lutherans to marry Orthodox Christians. The reason for the publication of the “Message of the Holy Synod to the Orthodox on their unhindered marriage with people of other faiths” was a report received by the Synod from the Berg College, based, in turn, on a letter from Vasily Tatishchev, sent to the Siberian province “ for the mining of ore deposits and the construction and propagation of factories there" In the letter, Tatishchev petitioned for the desire of Swedish specialists to settle in Russia (who had previously been captured by the Russian army during the Northern War) “ marry Russian girls without changing your faith».
Then other laws followed and marriages with Catholics and other Protestants and Armenians were allowed, but not “schismatics” (that is, Old Believers); such marriages usually did not require special permission from the bishop. The highest decree of April 17 (30), 1905 allowed the marriage of Orthodox Christians with Old Believers, the commission of which, however, required the permission of the diocesan bishop. In addition, persons of other Christian confessions who married Orthodox persons (with the exception of the indigenous inhabitants of Finland on its territory) gave the priest a signature before the marriage that they would neither vilify their spouses for Orthodoxy, nor persuade them through seduction , threats or otherwise to accept their faith and that children born from this marriage will be baptized and raised in Orthodoxy. The subscription thus taken in the prescribed form was subject to submission to the diocesan bishop or to the consistory at the beginning of January of the following year.
At the beginning of the 20th century, the following norms were in force in the Russian Empire:
- marriages of Orthodox Christians with persons of non-Orthodox Christian denominations were permitted only under the condition of weddings, baptisms and raising children according to the rules of the Orthodox faith;
- Russian subjects of the Orthodox and Catholic faith were prohibited from marrying non-Christians, and Protestants were prohibited from marrying pagans.
Marriage in evangelical churches
Marriage
In evangelical churches, weddings are not viewed as a sacrament, but as a church rite (since it was not directly introduced by Jesus Christ). Most evangelical Christians adhere to the following principles when sanctifying marriage:
- in countries where the conclusion of a church marriage is not the basis for its state registration, the wedding is performed only for couples already in a civil (that is, officially registered in the registry office or other authorized body of the state) marriage. Marriages, as a rule, are concluded between two people of the opposite sex - a Christian and a Christian woman, professing the Triune God;
In addition, the following conditions must be met:
- mature age both spouses (according to the marriageable age threshold adopted in the state);
- sincere faith in God;
- water baptism (with the same nuances regarding its duration and form that are accepted in a given denomination for church membership);
- absence of Church disciplinary sanctions (reprimand, excommunication) for both (not for all denominations);
- mandatory consent of both parties.
In most cases, marriages are concluded between representatives of the same faith. Marriage between a believer and an unbeliever, according to the interpretation of evangelical Christians, is prohibited by Scripture; violators, in many cases, are excommunicated from the Church. Intimate relationships before marriage are also prohibited by the Holy Scriptures as the sin of fornication; violators are also excommunicated from the Church.
Marriage is not held for those married before converting to Christianity; the marriage is considered full. However, in some cases, there are known examples of wedding ceremonies of previously coupled couples. civil marriage steam.
Divorce
The grounds for divorce may be the sin of adultery of one of the spouses or malicious abandonment of the family. The second marriage is performed upon consideration by the ministers of the Church.
The issues of divorce and subsequent marriages are understood differently by conservative and liberal evangelical Christians.
Marriage and childbearing
According to tradition, the main goals of marriage are considered to be: the birth and upbringing of children, mutual assistance and a means to taming carnal lust (“to avoid fornication”: 1 Cor. 7:2-6). Different authors belonging to traditional churches have different emphases in highlighting the most important purposes of marriage. But in general, the union of husband and wife in conjugal love is considered as the basis and essence of marriage.
The Christian tradition considers the birth and raising of children to be one of the main purposes or goals or fruits of marital love and marriage in general. In the Fundamentals of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church, he states that “the fruit of their love and community are children, the birth and upbringing of which, according to Orthodox teaching, is one of the most important goals of marriage. The continuation of the human race is one of the main goals of the Christian marriage union. Intentional renunciation the birth of children for selfish reasons devalues marriage and is “an undoubted sin.” The Constitution of the Second Vatican Council of the Catholic Church “Gaudium et spes” states: “By its natural character, the very institution of marriage and conjugal love are intended for the birth and upbringing of offspring with whom they are crowned.” .
However, due to the fact that some spouses are childless, opinions have emerged that the birth and upbringing of children is supposedly a secondary goal of a marriage union. For example, the Orthodox theologian M. Grigorevsky writes: “The main goal of a Christian marriage is not the birth of children, as in a non-Christian marriage, but the internal spiritual completion of one person by another, mutual assistance for the purpose of the harmonious flow of earthly life and moral improvement. Childbearing is a secondary goal of marriage.”
According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, “in the conjugal union the double purpose of marriage is realized: the good of the spouses themselves and the transmission of life,” inextricably linked to each other, therefore “conjugal love between a man and a woman is subject to the double requirement of fidelity and fertility.” Loyalty means the constancy and indissolubility of the marriage union, fertility means openness to fruiting. Regarding the latter, the official teaching of the Catholic Church states that “every marital act must itself remain intended for the reproduction of human life.”
However, procreation is not the only purpose of intimate relationships, which are also “an important component of married life, which makes the relationship between two people filled with tenderness, awe, and delight.” The purpose of marriage in the traditional sense is also love, salvation and mutual support between husband and wife.
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