Success of family education. What does it depend on? The success of family education, what does it depend on? The success of family education, what does it depend on?

1. Preface.
2. Family well-being.
3. Stages of family development.
4. Family and society.
5. Stages of child development.
6. Mother's love.
7. Child.
8. Mother.
9. Start of dialogue.
10. Lack of warmth of communication.
11. The pledge of parental love.
12. The art of love.
13. Mother's love, father's love.
14. Upbringing.
15. Education and love.
16. What confronts the teacher.
17. Commentary from practice.
18. Bibliography.

“Nothing works in the young souls of children
stronger than the universal power of example, and between all
other examples, no one else is impressed by them
deeper and firmer than the example of parents"
N.I. Novikov (1744-1818).

All parents want their children to be kind and grow up happy.

They want to raise them like that. However, parents perceive happiness differently. For some it is peace and material well-being, for others it is independence and the opportunity for spiritual development, for others it is creative work and risk.

Insufficiently conscious aspirations of parents can either help or harm their children. It is always better to know yourself and hope to achieve better results. Especially in education, because the development of a child’s personality is a task that can be successfully solved only after comprehensive consideration.

Raising a child begins from the very moment when parents choose a name for their child.

A name is a significant sign that can say a lot. These are the expected successes in the child’s future life, and certain character traits, and the child’s development strategy in a certain direction.

A child's first impressions remain in his psyche for a long time. They influence his behavior in later life. They appear even when he, as an adult, does not think about it.

A child takes on many qualities from his parents that become important in his later life. Many people assume that the character traits of parents and their value orientations are inherited by children almost automatically.

However, the great Rudaki (Tajik poet who lived around 860-941) wrote: “What a pity that a foolish offspring is born from a sage: the son does not inherit his father’s talent and knowledge.”

So, what does a child learn from his parents? Firstly, the attitude towards oneself and others. Parents are a kind of reflection of the child’s experience; the child notices, evaluates the behavior of others and thereby “chooses” his own characteristics. In this situation, the relationship between parents is very important.

Family well-being.

In the eyes of society, marriage is a guarantor of the preservation of moral principles. Marriage also gives legal names to the children born. However, the idea of ​​civil marriage, or more simply put, cohabitation, is extremely popular today. Moreover, the main argument in these relationships is the term: “If you’re tired of it, if you don’t like it, we’ll run away, and there’s no need to get a divorce.” Although, of course, there are completely different motives behind these statements. This is the fear that they will never get married; unwillingness to take responsibility; Why get married if I already get all the pleasures of life. When cohabiting, a lot of energy is spent on emotions.

In marriage, the couple is given the opportunity for happiness, although it is not specified how to achieve it. The wedding itself does not have the magical power to change people or circumstances. There is no love potion that guarantees “eternal marital happiness.” No wedding speech can teach people how to achieve bliss. Their happiness will depend on their own aspiration for it, on their knowledge, love and self-sacrifice. Without changing anything from the inside, a wedding dramatically changes status, rights and opportunities. Perhaps cohabiting lovers will be able to avoid divorce, lawyers and alimony, but there are usually no fewer tears, suffering and problems.

There is not a trace of inconsistency in the basis of the relationships of prosperous parental couples. Happiness and other wonderful aspects of marriage lie in an unrelenting desire to be together, complete faith in the strength of one's marital relationship and an unconditional commitment to live together.

If these three points are present in the relationship of the spouses, then the couple is likely to be prosperous, even in the absence of much else. If in a relationship married couple If at least one of the listed aspects is missing, then one can very, very doubt the success of co-parenting. Of course, the mutual feeling of the spouses, their spiritual kinship, unity of life goals, commonality of views - this is a guarantee that the marriage union will be strong. But such mutual understanding between spouses, spiritual closeness is more often the result of a life lived together than the sought-after qualities inherent in people getting married. It is impossible not to take into account the differences between spouses - social, demographic, cultural, psychophysiological and others. Moreover, with age, each person’s life plans change, new needs appear and old needs “fade away,” and value orientations change.

Stages of family development.

Children are happiness, “God’s grace.” Those who want to have children and are psychologically ready for this and are able to support them financially should have them. The main thing is that they have a real idea of ​​what it is.

“Having a baby” sounds so great! But babies turn into unhearing two-year-olds, rude seven-year-olds, lazy twelve-year-olds and fifteen-year-old rebels.

Whether or not a husband and wife have children is the will of the Lord, but not an order. Each couple must decide for themselves whether to have children or not. This is where the concept of “family planning” comes into its own.

Family planning means that the husband and wife will decide how many children they want to have, when and over what period of time. In other words, choice is preferred over chance. This is very important aspect. Since it is no longer a secret to anyone that “accidental” children, as a rule, do not have all the advantages in their development and success in life as planned and desired children. Related to this is the ability of parents to fully provide for the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of the child.

Each family goes through several stages of development.

The initial (adaptation) period, young spouses essentially arrange their lives, get used to each other, distribute roles in the family, and organize joint leisure time. For all couples, this period has a different duration. It is very important that this stage lasts at least two or three years. Since statistics show that the birth of a child during this period family life doubles the likelihood of divorce. As in the stages of a child’s development, so in the stages of family development, all stages must be lived through, and not passed by, due to some circumstances. Nature and the necessity of living will still take their toll, not now, but then at another time.

The next period of development is the period associated with the birth of a child. Leading to a major restructuring in the relationship of the spouses, the emergence of new parental responsibilities, redistribution of the material budget and time budget, etc.

As children grow up, tasks arise related to the development of the family as a small team as a whole and each of its members individually.

The birth of a child is like a crisis in family relationships.

Today, many women, due to a shift in gender role and transition to masculinity, perceive the birth of a child and the role of motherhood as a psycho-emotional crisis.

This crisis intensifies if there is an infantile man next to a masculine woman.

A crisis in the relationship between spouses is inevitable even when they are psycho-emotionally healthy, so it is very important that spouses pay attention to their emotional reaction when it becomes known that pregnancy has occurred. At such a moment, a number of psychological changes occur in the personality of each spouse. For example, a man can feel joy if he is psychologically mature and, conversely, sadness and anxiety if he is infantile. In the next phase of pregnancy, from conception to birth, it can cause fatigue associated with physiological changes in the expectant mother and the father’s lack of sexual demand. At this time, it is important to talk through the problems that have arisen on this basis among ourselves, speaking specifically about emotions. A crisis necessarily arises in families living in civil marriage, because Mom is not sure that her future life will be supported by her common-law husband.

After the birth of a child, the infantile father experiences great difficulty in fulfilling the role of a father. His anxiety and uncertainty increase, and the head of the family withdraws from his responsibilities into drunkenness or illness. More often, men who were raised without a father find themselves in this situation; they do not have a model of paternity. Such fathers are themselves children at a psychological level, so on an unconscious level the appearance of a newborn does not make them happy, but frightens them. Because of the feeling of “abandonment” that arises when seeing the wife paying more attention to the child; they leave the house (work, fishing, hunting, garage, etc.) in resentment. With this behavior they provoke their wife into conflict and negative emotions, such as resentment, anger and disappointment - both in her husband and in motherhood. About what harmony family relations can we talk here?

When there are children from first marriages in a family, the crisis can be triggered by competition and jealousy of the child towards the baby, or the inability of one (new) spouse to accept the child from the first marriage into their psycho-emotional space.

Children where young mothers give their children to grandmothers and nannies, while they go to work or live for themselves, become irritable, anxious and, as a result, do not receive basic trust in the world around them from their mother. Growing up, these children, due to their psychological inadaptability, find themselves in various critical and life-threatening situations.

The practice of today's life shows that parents prepare for the birth of a child only financially, but not psychologically. The child did not ask him to “get started”, this is the decision of adults; However, in practice, all the consequences of the psychological immaturity of adults have to be borne by the child.

The crisis of family relationships is overcome only by those who overcome their fears and rise to a new level of overcoming themselves and what is happening in the family space. To do this, you just need to be able to calmly talk through what is happening, be open to each other and not be afraid to seek help, putting aside all fears and anxieties.

Family and society.

Full development of a child and parental happiness cannot happen without feelings and experiences.

The emotional atmosphere of society, the real values ​​​​affirmed in it, voluntarily or involuntarily set the orientation in every family.

Instability, the prevalence of uncertainty, fear, aggression for a long time - all this plays a dramatic role in family relationships. Distorts and simplifies the emotional relationship between parents and children.

The drama of the entire social structure is that from the very beginning, many children in the family are deprived of parental and, most importantly, maternal love.

This most terrible of all types of deficiency - the deficiency of parental love - leaves deep wounds in the child’s mind.

Do parents see the full depth of the problem? Do they know, for example, how a baby responds to various manifestations of his parents’ feelings and how he pays in return, and does he realize that he is not loved very much or not loved at all?

Do parents understand their children’s feelings, do they want to change anything in their actions or relationships?

To answer these questions, let's look at all stages of child development from birth to the beginning of school life.

Stages of child development.

Let's start from the very beginning. Since pregnancy.

Already at this time, the child begins to show “activity”, demands to listen to him: nausea in the morning, dizziness - “I already exist, I already disagree with something.” It forces you to change your daily routine and your tastes. The first movement - the possibility of tactile communication appeared. As soon as you or your husband put your hand on your stomach, the child will immediately freeze, listening to the warmth of your hands. It is through his hands that he can feel your experiences - grief, fear, joy. And you can determine his reaction - by his movements. He already knows the rhythm of his mother’s steps, her voice, warmth, comfort, movements, her pulse - a world in which he feels very good.

Already at the age of four months, when the child’s brain is intensively developing, it is necessary to tell him bedtime stories: “Ryaba the Hen,” “Kolobok,” “Turnip.” The rhythm of your voice, melody, sound vibrations, all this contributes to the fact that you, with your voices, contribute to the development of a future harmonious personality.

After all, this is precisely the task facing parents. To grow a harmoniously developed personality.

Why do we pay close attention to intrauterine development? The current level of science has made it possible to find out that it is during the perinatal (intrauterine) period that various pathologies appear, which directly affect the further development of the child. Of course, the main problems during the prenatal period are associated with smoking, alcoholism (and single-dose alcoholism), drug addiction, and substance abuse, but this is a problem of modern society to a greater extent than of each parent individually. After all, competent parents will try their best to avoid most of the problems listed.

And we don’t talk about those situations that “happened that way.” Since initially such children have little chance of developing into a harmoniously developed personality, happiness if it does work out.

Mother's love.

"A mother's love for a growing child,
love that wants nothing for itself,
this is perhaps the most difficult form
love of all achievable"
(E. Fromm).

Of course, the feeling of a mother bears a reflection of the culture of society: the attitude towards a woman-mother, towards children - the future of the country, towards family and family relationships.

Nature gave the mother a feeling of love and predetermined the mechanism for its further development and action. The feeling of love grows with the baby, and by the time of birth, mother and child are ready to unite in a shared feeling of love. But they have different needs and ways of “reifying” this feeling. The mother is ready to love the baby without seeing him individual characteristics, but it is they, these are the supports and incentives for which her feeling should “catch on” and become flesh and blood.

The world did not separate, but on the contrary, brought us closer, gave us new opportunities to feel with our skin, see with our eyes, hear with our ears, and understand each other with our hearts.

As a rule, before giving birth, the mother’s feelings and thoughts are focused on herself and, unfortunately, the main feeling that controls expectant mother, this is fear or anxiety for oneself.

The strongest emotional stress, not negative, but positive, that a mother experiences after childbirth is the powerful readiness of all her senses, her emotional-volitional sphere, to find the baby. To connect the new external and internal stimuli that have arisen with the previous stimuli, to reconcile the feeling that has grown inside her with the reason for which it exists in her; her main task after the birth of the child.

Child.

The baby is left alone with a new, unfamiliar, alien world of bright light, plastic, metal, in no way connected with his past experience. And the main task of this period is to find each other in new conditions.

It is very sad if any circumstances prevent either the mother or the child from successfully living through this stage of development.

The only thing that remained the same in the new living conditions was my mother.

All the senses of a newborn are already functioning actively at the time of birth. From the surging information, they choose what is already familiar and is assessed as good: this is the mother’s heartbeat, the timbre of her voice, the warmth of her body, perhaps her smell, and the need to be together again. There is no need to prove how important this stage is for the child’s adaptation and success in the future life. That is why breastfeeding actively restores the closeness of mother and child, and therefore is the basis for gaining psychological contact. Often this is the first and during the first week of life the only opportunity for communication.

Physical (tactile) contact is limited only to touching the chest; time limits do not allow prolonged contact, when you can feel each other, and therefore establish the greatest psychophysiological comfort. Therefore, you need to try not to be nervous or worry, and most importantly, not to rush. Give your child time to understand the world around him.

This is your joint first common success and the first step of your mutual cooperation. Unfortunately, the whole range of first feelings, which actually expresses the essence of the relationship between mother and baby, often remains outside the first meetings. The period when the baby develops an attitude towards his mother, when his need for physical contact with her is realized, and this need takes on the meaning of protection, pleasure, or, on the contrary, tension and alienation, is called the sensitive or sensitive period. And the first contact is the most important, critical moment in this process.

Mother.

In the development of a mother’s love, this period (the first days of a baby’s life) is special. Appearance, structural features, skin color, smell, sounds made by the baby - all these are the key stimuli that are predetermined by nature itself to awaken the corresponding feeling of the mother.

But in order for it to arise, a woman must be ready for it and be able to focus on it. This shows another point that can lead to further problems for the child, because it’s no secret that the percentage of “young” mothers has increased. What kind of readiness can we talk about? One can only feel sorry for the child, although, of course, there are no rules without exceptions, but there are very few such ready “young” mature mothers.

Psychoanalytic practice shows that the mother begins to create a psychological image of the child (what he should be) even before birth, and sometimes even before conception. Over time, the image of a child moves from the conscious level to the unconscious. This fact confirms the form and the very process of transferring it to the child’s unconscious. He receives a command of what he should be from his mother on a verbal level (words in which she expresses her vision) and non-verbal (actions, facial expressions, emotional reactions, etc.)

The process of transmitting the image (as I would like to see you) to the child from the mother’s side occurs throughout the entire process of psychosexual development.

Start of dialogue.

Eyes are the mirror of the soul. Close people who understand each other do not need words - just a glance is enough.

This method of communication, rich in meaning, rich in emotions, will help to express what cannot always be conveyed in words, and will allow you to accurately guess the state of the soul. The child has to learn this specifically human way of communication. Considering that a close and long-term connection with the mother is inseparable for 250 days or until the child enters school, this method of interaction is very important.

Another aspect of interaction between child and mother is no less important - tactile contact. The child perceives the world very vividly, with all his senses. Its capabilities in this regard are enormous. Nothing escapes children's attention. His delicate skin (exteroceptive sensitivity) senses the lightest touches, the slightest pressure; he subtly feels the movements of his joints and muscle contractions (proprioceptive reception), perceives pressure on the internal organs and their movements (visceral sensitivity).

As soon as a child is born, he is already able to analyze all the messages coming from the receptors, evaluate how pleasant this or that sensation is, and understand the meaning of the actions performed with it. He very quickly learns to recognize the true feelings of the person who takes him in his arms, and to distinguish those who love him.

The unity of the child and mother determines the mental balance and future sexual behavior of the child.

Numerous studies show how detrimental a lack of physical contact affects a child’s health, growth and psychomotor development. A six-month-old breastfed child is ahead in his physical and mental development of his peer who had to be content with a bottle and pacifier. He grows faster, gets sick less, learns to walk and talk earlier. And this is not only the result of a balanced diet.

Breastfeeding, maternal care and affection cannot be replaced by anything.

Lack of warmth of communication.

Children in orphanages or hospitals, if they have to live there for a long time, begin to lag behind in growth and psychomotor development, their skin becomes flabby and pale. They do not cuddle, do not know how to communicate and often avoid contact with people. If you pick up such a child, he seems wooden. These babies suck all the time thumb or sway from side to side. And all this is due to a lack of affection, without which the child is not capable of full development.

However, the child may be born in normal family and also suffer from a lack of love and affection.

Mothers can be immature, restless, and self-centered. They do not like to deal with the child for a long time, feed, bathe, swaddle, caress and rock him. They are not able to give their baby enough warmth and care. This is a problem for all busy women.

An abandoned child suffers greatly. Trying to somehow help himself, he begins to suck his finger or anything that he can put in his mouth. He scratches his nose, pulls at hair or fabric, hugs or cuddles toys or bedding, and rocks.

If this practice does not stop, then in the future it leads to psychosomatic disorders. This can be expressed by vomiting, abdominal pain, eczema, asthma.

Further, during the period of growing up, this lack of attention to the child and the lack of affection, stroking, hugs leads to the progression of respiratory diseases, the child becomes insecure and incapable of further social adaptation. He feels anxious and lonely.

Diseases of the throat and ear not only indicate the child’s inability to psycho-emotionally adapt, but also clearly indicate that the family in which the child lives is in a psycho-emotional crisis.

Blood diseases occur in children whose parents are constantly in conflict or are in any stage of divorce.

Diseases: enuresis, encapresis, nervous tics, are an indicator of the presence of emotional problems in relationships " mother-child" More often these are experiences associated with loneliness and a feeling of rejection.

Children who experience a lack of emotional warmth in the family are more often injured, as they suffer from feelings of guilt, anxiety and a tendency to self-punishment.

When a child is raised in a single-parent family, the atmosphere of this family pushes the child, too early, to adult actions. As a result, having skipped through childhood, faced with the obstacles of life ( kindergarten, school) they try to overcome them without admitting that they need help, care, affection, support. As a result, a crisis appears within the individual and pseudo-independence, which is expressed by a somatic disorder of the gastrointestinal tract.

The pledge of parental love.

Affection is a sign of parental love, and therefore a guarantee of peace of mind for the child.

Her absence worries and torments him, distorts his body and soul. In an effort to get rid of suffering, the child, as it were, dresses in protective armor, becoming insensitive and callous. At the same time, he loses the ability to perceive affection. Children who have not received additional affection have poor control over their bodies and are clumsy. They have a wooden gait, stingy, awkward movements that are not appropriate to the situation. No less problems arise in communication. Such children are rude, lack tact, and find it difficult to express their feelings. Always silent, they avoid conversations, in all contacts with others they remain only pathetic imitators, they do not know how to take a person by the hand or hug them.

You should never skimp on tenderness towards children. An obligatory element in the life of a family should be a ritual in which: hugging three times a day and kissing three times a day was like drinking water.

The art of love.

The baby at the moment of birth would have to experience the fear of death, if merciful fate had not protected him from any awareness of the anxiety associated with separation from his mother, from intrauterine existence.

The baby can recognize himself and the world as something that existed without him. He perceives only the positive effect of heat and food, and does not yet distinguish heat and food from their source: the mother. Mother is warmth, mother is food, mother is a euphoric state of satisfaction and security.

External reality, people and things have meaning only to the extent that they satisfy or frustrate the internal state of the body. As a child grows and develops, he becomes able to perceive things as they are; satisfaction in nutrition becomes different from the nipple; breast from mother. Ultimately, the child perceives thirst, satisfaction with milk, breast, and mother as different entities.

He learns to perceive many other things as others, as having their own existence. From now on, he learns to give them names.

After a while he learns to handle them, learns that fire is hot and hurts. The mother's body is warm and pleasant, the wood is hard and heavy, the paper is light and torn.

He learns how to deal with people: my mother smiles when I eat, she takes me in her arms when I cry, she praises me if I relieve myself. All these experiences crystallize and unite in one experience: I am loved. I am loved because I am my mother's child. I am loved because I am helpless. I am loved because I am beautiful, wonderful. I am loved because my mother needs me.

This can be expressed in a more general form: I am loved because I am, or, if possible, even more precisely: I am loved because it is me.

This experience of being loved by a mother is a passive experience. There is nothing I did to be loved - a mother's love is unconditional. All I have to do is be her child.

Mother's love is bliss, it is peace, it does not need to be achieved, it does not need to be deserved.

But there is also negative side in unconditional motherly love. Not only does it not need to be deserved, it also cannot be achieved, caused, or controlled. If it exists, then it is equal to bliss, but if it is not there, it’s the same as if everything beautiful had left life and I can’t do anything to create this love.

For most children school age the problem is almost exclusively being loved for what they are.

From this age, a factor appears in the development of the child: this is a new feeling of the ability to arouse love through one’s own activity. For the first time, the child begins to think about how to give something to his mother (or father), to create something - a poem, a drawing, or whatever it is. For the first time in a child’s life, the idea of ​​love moves from the desire to be loved into the desire to love, into the creation of love.

Children's love follows the principle: “I love because I am loved.”

Mature love follows the principle: “I am loved because I love.”

Immature love says, “I love you because I need you.”

Mature love says, “I need you because I love you.”

Mother's love, father's love.

The development of the love object is closely related to the development of the ability to love.

The first months and years are the period of life when the child most strongly feels affection for his mother. This attachment begins from the moment of birth, when mother and child form a unity, although there are already two of them. Birth changes the situation in some respects, but not as much as it might seem. The child, although no longer in the womb, is still completely dependent on the mother. However, day by day he becomes more and more independent: he learns to walk, talk, discover the world on his own; The connection with the mother loses some of its vital significance and instead the connection with the father becomes more and more important.

To understand this turn from mother to father, we must take into account the difference between maternal and paternal love.

A mother's love, by its very nature, is unconditional. A mother loves a newborn baby because it is her child, because with the birth of this child something important was decided, some expectations were satisfied.

The connection with my father is completely different. Mother is the home from which we leave, it is nature, the ocean; the father does not imagine any such natural home. He has a weak connection with the child in the first years of his life, and his importance for the child during this period cannot be compared with the importance of the mother.

But although the father does not represent the natural world, he represents the other pole of human existence: the world of thought, things made by human hands, law and order, discipline, travel and adventure.

The father is the one who teaches the child how to find out the way into the world.

Closely related to this function is the one that deals with socio-economic development.

When private property arose and when it could be inherited by one of the sons, the father began to look forward to the appearance of a son to whom he could leave his property. Naturally, it turned out to be the son who most resembled his father. Whom the father considered most suitable to become the heir, and therefore whom he loved most. A father's love is conditional love. Her principle is: “I love you because you satisfy my expectations, because you fulfill your responsibilities, because you are like me.”

In a conditioned fatherly love we find, as in the unconditional mother, both sides.

The negative side is the fact that fatherly love must be earned, but that it can be lost if the child does not do what is expected of him. It is in the very nature of fatherly love that obedience becomes the main virtue, and disobedience the main sin. And the punishment for him is the loss of fatherly love.

Important and positive side. Since fatherly love is conditional, I can do something to achieve it, I can work for it; a father's love is beyond my control, like a mother's love.

The maternal and paternal attitude towards the child corresponds to his own needs.

The baby needs his mother unconditional love and care both physiologically and mentally.

A child over six years of age begins to need his father's love, authority and guidance.

The mother’s function is to provide the child with security in life, the father’s function is to teach him, guide him so that he can cope with the problems that the society in which he was born poses for the child.

In an ideal case, maternal love does not try to prevent the child from growing up, does not try to assign a reward for helplessness. A mother must have faith in life and should not be anxious, so as not to overwhelm the child with her anxiety. It must be part of her life to want the child to become independent and eventually separate from her.

A father's love must be guided by principles and expectations; she should be patient and forgiving, not threatening and authoritative. She must give the growing child an ever-increasing sense of his own strength and, finally, allow him to become his own authority and free himself from the authority of the father.

In this development from mother-centered to father-centered attachment and their final synthesis lies the basis of spiritual health and maturity. The lack of this development is the cause of neuroses.

With one-sided attachment to the father, they lead to manic neuroses; with the same attachment to the mother, hysteria, alcoholism, inability to assert oneself and various depressions arise.

Upbringing.

“Raising children is a risky business, because if you succeed
the latter was acquired at the cost of great labor and care,
and in case of failure, the grief is incomparable to any other.”
Democritus

From the epigraph they warn how carefully one should treat one of the mysteries of life - I continue myself in a child.

Unfortunately, such a serious approach to education is not common. Alas, adults, being carried away by professional affairs, more often rely on luck when caring about what a child will become.

In the practice of education, conscious and verified experience is often replaced by unjustified arrogance, thoughtful and constant influence - by episodic and inconsistent instructions and reprimands, and so on.

The payment for negligence, miscalculations and mistakes in education is incomparable. These are innumerable personal tragedies and unfortunate destinies of those raised and raising, but also a social evil that affects everyone.

Education is always search and creativity. Parenting can make a child happy, but it can also lead to failure and heartbreak.

Every teacher was also raised at some point. Education is like an endless chain in which the future depends on the past and present. It is necessary to use the experience accumulated by humanity, because educating others always begins with educating oneself.

A teacher should never teach something that he does not know himself. And there are no exceptions to this rule.

For a child, the first significant educator is his parents.

Eight times out of ten, a spoiled child is a spoiled child. If a child lies and steals, then first you need to find out why he does this.

Many people at a certain age seem to freeze in their development. This is the reason why millions of people are not educated enough or have no education at all.

We must understand that education is not upbringing. It is better to be well-mannered and uneducated than to be an educated boor.

For many, every new day is a repetition of yesterday. Why? Because they are raised that way, they cannot change. Maybe this gives them some kind of protection, but the misfortune is that they transfer this “ossification” to their children. The teacher cannot use only his experience and wisdom. In addition, many parents do not devote enough time to raising their children, they are overwhelmed by turnover, they “don’t have a minute” and they hand over their children to their grandmothers.

Can someone who has strength only for themselves educate? In the modern world, the age of grandmothers is far from the “social” age of a grandmother; most of them are between 38-40 years old and their own lives are just beginning.

Before educating a child, he must be created - that is, to realize another new life, to create a person intended not only to work, but also to think, feel, suffer, laugh and experience the whole gamut of feelings and emotions that are unique to humans.

Very often, the result of upbringing is narrow-mindedness, because parents have their own, quite definite, opinion on every issue, and the opinion of one completely excludes the opinion of the other. Everyone has ready-made ideas and samples that need to be followed. These ideas and samples are usually taken from their parent families. And parents demand unconditionally that the child accept and do everything automatically.

Education should free the minds of parents, it should avoid stereotypes.

Proper education creates, rather than destroys, freedom of thought.

Learning to educate means, first of all, realizing that you yourself don’t know much, that some of your ideas are false.

But the trouble with many parents is that they are afraid and do not want to know the truth about themselves.

Education and love.

Without love, education is impossible. This is completely obvious. Without love you can only train, humble, curb, trim. You can hammer home good manners.

Thinking that you love and loving are two completely opposite things, like north and south.

Love is serenity and balance, clarity and strength. The one who loves only gives, without even thinking about what he will receive in return.

Their goal is to suppress the child. And this goal is in their subconscious.

With their “kindness” such parents can drive their child to illness or crime. Open resistance is suppressed immediately; such parents do not think about the internal state of the child. An unexpected action of a child is perceived by them as a rebellion, as a slap in the face.

Many parents transfer their unfulfilled plans, hopes, and ambitions onto their children. You can often hear:

I want him to be more handsome than me.

I want him to become my successor.

I want him to marry successfully, (got married).

I couldn't become a doctor, let him do it.

Where is the love? Which of these parents puts themselves in the child's shoes? However, they think that they are bringing benefit to the child, although they are doing all this only for themselves.

Such upbringing leads to neuroses, embitterment, and an inferiority complex.

Imagine a parent who says: “I don’t have any complexes, my son won’t have them either. I will take him to the same school where I studied, for his own good.” This father is such a braggart and fanfare that the world has never seen. Imagine his child in the future when he becomes a father. He will repeat the same song like an echo.

The source of internal tension and leveled individuality is almost always education without love and understanding, which is based on disguised selfishness.

Some parents pride themselves on being firm and steadfast. In the absence of flexibility, this is a replacement for willpower. In nine cases out of ten, such education does not achieve its goal.

A father of this type is a man of principle, irritable, dry, power-hungry, ready to turn everything upside down in order to achieve obedience.

At the heart of it all is fear. Such people defend their opinion at any cost; to reconsider it means admitting their weakness or lack of character.

Here is the opinion of one of the parents: “My principles never change. I drill them into my sons. They will understand this later. They will still thank me for my severity.” But he did not receive gratitude. The sons believed that their father did not raise or love them, but only trained them.

F. Kafka in his “Letter to his Father” shows all the horror and drama of such an upbringing, devoid of love.

The furthest thing from love is hate. If educators are hostile towards their students, then instead of opening the way to mutual understanding, they close it. Such upbringing leads to vanity, unhealthy competition, and a desire for superiority. The result: mistakes, fear, powerlessness.

The teacher’s task is not to ensure that the student passes exams brilliantly, but to develop his thinking. If the teacher is limited, he can only convey a set of formulations, but not intelligence, and of course not love. And all this passes from generation to generation.

Education should be a collaboration between the elder and the younger - children also educate their parents.

Education is a constant exchange of opinions, views, emotions.

If a teacher treats himself as perfect, then he subconsciously considers himself right to everyone.

Unfortunately, for many educators, parents, and teachers, the feeling of superiority comes from lack of culture. This is often a subconscious, painful need for respect and admiration. They want their students to silently follow all their instructions, no matter how crazy they are.

To raise a child means to guide him. A true educator must himself be a spiritually rich person. He only gives and does not seek to receive. Honors, power, gratitude should not have any meaning for him. Only then will the long series of bad parents and narrow-minded teachers be interrupted, and there will be fewer embittered and simply sick people.

Don't rely only on yourself.

“Educates every minute of life and every corner of the earth,
every person with whom a developing personality
sometimes comes into contact as if by chance, fleetingly"
V.A. Sukhomlinsky.

The main task of education is to develop in a person a caring attitude towards everything that surrounds him - towards other people and himself, towards the norms and values ​​of society, towards nature, culture, art - an attitude that ultimately manifests itself in his interests, ideals and life goals .

Without exaggeration, we can say that in order to achieve this goal, a person throughout his life, literally from his first days, is subjected to constant, diverse and organized, although often contradictory, influence from the people around him and public institutions. The general educational atmosphere created around a person by these innumerable influences is his main educator.

Only at the beginning is it limited to the immediate environment. But even then, parents, relatives, workers in child care institutions, and all adults who come into contact with the child “sometimes by accident, fleetingly,” take advantage of all suitable opportunities to indicate what he should be like and what is unworthy in life.

Subsequently, as the child enters life and becomes familiar with culture, the circle of influences that educate him expands significantly. Schools, clubs, sports clubs and camps, art, the media and much more begin to educate.

At the moment, the media have such a huge influence on the child, starting right from the cradle, that it has eclipsed all the other sources of information mentioned above. The saddest thing about this is that there is simply no censorship of information. This applies to all types without exception, including mobile phones.

In reality, not a single public institution or person is exempt from the tasks of education and from responsibility for it. For example, involving a child in criminal activity may result in criminal penalties. But since our media present this information, one can only be amazed.

That is, the emphasis is not on punishment, but on the actions themselves leading to these punishments.

Thus, promoting violence, aggression, cruelty, and heartlessness towards your loved ones (you just have to watch the program “Wait for Me”).

The multitude of special influences exerted on the child constitutes only one of the sources of the educational atmosphere. When parents believe that some influence is undesirable, they usually do everything possible, and everything in their power, to oppose it. It is more difficult to resist another source of education - the conditions of life, the examples observed in it.

V.A. Sukhomlinsky in confirmation of his words in the epigraph. wrote: “In the dining room, the child not only eats, but also sees. Both good and bad. So a seventh grader pushed a first grader away from the cafeteria, bought what he needed, and the kid ended up at the end of the line. The child sees a dirty towel at the sink. If you want, wash your hands, if you want, not mine. But because no one wants to do one more thing, no one washes their hands. There is a pot of roses on the window. Apple cores are placed in a pot. The window is covered with flies. An angry voice comes from the kitchen: a man is scolding someone. From everything that the child saw for twenty minutes in the school cafeteria, a lot of good things were reflected in his subconscious, but also facts were reflected that sharply diverge from the instructions that children, of course, often hear from the teacher.”

Living conditions in which a child does not find confirmation of the words of his elders are the most dangerous for upbringing.

Hearing one thing and observing another, the child begins to perceive words about dignity, honor, justice as a naive fairy tale unsuitable for life. Even little things that are not noticeable in themselves, due to their abundance and constancy, can become a force that nullifies the efforts of educators. Confrontations with serious shortcomings in life - injustice, violence, corruption, lies, humiliating everyday disorder - very quickly impose on the child views that bear little resemblance to those instilled in him in the family.

But this does not mean that educational influence is meaningless. Just don't underestimate this external force.

There is, however, another important factor influencing the educational atmosphere - the child himself.

In education, he does not remain a passive creature, meekly absorbing everything that is contained in the educational atmosphere created around him.

Attempts to defend one’s rights and views can be seen in the child’s insults, mother’s reproaches (“you’re not good”), threats (“I won’t love you”), and the like.

These initially helpless efforts of a small child to change an adult later, in adolescence, naturally develop (these are the laws of development) into stable resistance, which manifests itself in negativism, stubbornness, demonstrative independence, rejection of previously accepted values ​​and other negative manifestations.

It should be recognized that such attempts to educate educators are already leading to changes in the educational atmosphere: without encountering resistance from a teenager, adults, apparently, would retain the comfortable position of an authoritarian educator much longer and would see in the child only an obedient successor to their values ​​and ideals .

It is quite natural that a teenager begins to leave the influence of his family, and the opinion of his friends becomes more important to him than the opinion of his parents.

It is no less natural that parents are outraged by this, and they begin a protracted struggle for influence, presenting their life experience (“We, too, were young and stupid”), concern for the child’s future, and similar arguments as arguments in disputes.

Outside influences cannot be avoided, therefore better than a child not to fence them off, but to select, change and use them so that they develop it in the right direction, beneficially complementing family education.

Such advice is easier to give than to follow.

In comparison with the forces of the environment, a person is weak and is often forced to put up with conditions that he does not like at all, but which he cannot change.

It is all the more important to look for and not miss those cases where these terms can be changed and used.

The most important and obvious conclusion is that in upbringing, even if it goes smoothly and does not foretell surprises, you cannot trust yourself too much, or overestimate your own influence, the influence of the family.

Living conditions and the general educational atmosphere should arouse close attention and be the subject of constant concern for parents; In relation to this force, it is better to be safe than to underestimate it.

While the child is still small and the surrounding conditions do not particularly affect him, you should think about what he will encounter in the future. To protect yourself from bad influences, sometimes extreme measures are required, such as changing schools, even changing your place of residence. Obviously, the sooner you think about it, the better and more painlessly it can be done.

In the early period of a child’s development, the family has an exceptional influence on him that is not yet shared with anyone.

Attempts to isolate him from unwanted influences are often unsuccessful only because of the lack of timing.

Often parents think that it is enough to feed the baby, dress him, and sometimes play with him; They postpone education “someday later,” when the child grows up and begins to understand more. But an emotional attachment to an adult, trust and love for him develops in a child precisely in the early stages of life.

Their formation may not take place “later,” when he realizes that there is a lot of attractiveness in the world, and not just in the family. Emotional Relationships may be decisive when trying to influence an older child. And of course, one cannot discount the genetic predisposition to something, the accumulated experience of all previous generations, which is necessarily to some extent transmitted to the child at the moment when the fusion of two cells occurs: mother and father.

What confronts the teacher.

“Whoever considers it necessary is completely unreasonable
teach children not to the extent that they can learn,
and in whatever way he himself wishes.”
Jan Comenius (1592-1670).

Official pedagogy of the past claimed that a person is born without any predestination - neither a good man, nor bad. But it can become one or the other depending on upbringing and social living conditions. There is no monotony. And it shouldn’t be, not only among people, but even among animals and plants.

Everyone at school heard that the main source of differences between individuals is the ability to adapt to the conditions of existence. This elementary truth gives reason to think.

If nature has prepared special varieties for different microclimate conditions, then perhaps the encountered variants of human character, say, the tendency to subjugate or obey, are also her preparations? In any case, this is not unique to humans. Animals of many species are constantly busy figuring out who should fear and obey whom.

The conditions created by the educator - the severity of education or permissiveness, the role of a favorite or an outcast, only contribute to the manifestation of spiritual qualities prepared by nature, but do not create them.

Therefore, the teacher must come to terms with the fact that he is not the only creator. That he can achieve what he wants only in interaction, and sometimes even in a fight with another creator - nature.

But that's not all. Another less widely known source of differences between individuals is the planned variability of individual characteristics.

Nature also releases its “blanks” into life, only this time not in response to living conditions, but simply like that, as if just in case. You never know what can happen in life, even something completely new or sudden, fleeting. Something you can’t adapt to right away.

For all kinds of cataclysms and “surprises,” it is useful for a biological species to have a small percentage of planned deviations in reserve - what if individuals with unusual properties turn out to be better adapted to future surprises?

This means that a certain percentage of evil, cowardly, domineering and other extreme characters is inevitable and does not depend on living conditions. Some owners of such deviations adapt to life and exist tolerably. Others may die due to lack of adaptation. Despite individual losses, for the species as a whole the existence of planned deviations is highly appropriate.

If we return from these general biological ideas to human upbringing, then, first of all, it should be emphasized that there is no reason to deny the same qualities to human nature.

It should also be recognized as multivariate, having reserved special properties for special living conditions, also fulfilling the “plan” of deviations and also assertive in bypassing obstacles.

The basic mental properties of a person are also an invention of evolution. Just like physical properties: nature offers not only variations in body type, eye color or palm line, but also inclinations and inclinations. Passion. It does not give knowledge of language or mathematics - this is learned.

But many feelings are her “blanks”. And although children are so rarely taught to envy, take revenge or be jealous, and so often taught not to do this, these feelings are still reproduced against the will of the educator and even the will of the person being educated. In these feelings our nature is realized in the same way as in feelings of tenderness, sympathy or fatigue.

The most difficult cases of extreme deviations, which are hardly rightly considered as mental illnesses, deserve special attention.

In fact, what nature produces prudently and systematically, for example: envy, vindictiveness - of course, cannot be considered a disease. Even if in life these qualities lead to ridiculous, unadapted behavior.

Medicine assigns psychopathy to people who exhibit stable, total character traits that interfere with social adaptation; which differ markedly from the character traits of the average person. It turns out that if a person is long and stubbornly inconvenient for some social system - for example, he always speaks the truth - then he is sick.

But nature, in creating diversity, was guided solely by considerations, and not by the interests of a particular society. In any case, the same non-standard traits, say, lust for power, greed, cruelty, which exclude adaptation in some conditions, can find successful application in others.

With this understanding, the psychopathic character is not a pathological or even a random deviation from the usual character, but a natural variant of the norm, the same planned preparation just in case.

Nature is not burdened with the concerns of society and produces an increased tendency to laziness, frivolity, caution, greed or adventurism with the same “indifference” as extreme cases of human-, labor-, sweet-, truth-, child-loving, more favorable from the point of view of social requirements and therefore do not come to the attention of psychiatrists.

Thus, the educational atmosphere does not uniquely determine the development of the child.

What influences he will be more susceptible to, to which less, what abilities, interests, character traits will appear in him without much effort, on their own, and which ones he will have to fight for, depends on his natural predisposition.

Therefore, under the same conditions, different people grow up, and vice versa, under the same conditions, different people grow up.

There are as many ways of development as there are people. In this sense, every child is mysterious, unpredictable and unique.

Just as the laid foundation, allowing for the erection of various structures on it, nevertheless determines their size and general character; Likewise, the natural characteristics of a person, allowing for educational influence on various people, determine some of their characteristics.

Just as a building conceived and started by someone can be completed according to the original design, but it can also be done differently; Likewise, a person’s natural project can develop and improve through education, but it can also be transformed, replaced by the educator’s project.

It is clear that the more these projects diverge, the more effort, diligence and expense upbringing will require, the more difficult, tense, and perhaps even conflictual it will be.

It is very important for the teacher to realize this fact. No matter how attractive and correct his project may seem to him, he should carefully consider whether he has enough strength to implement it and whether he will find sufficient support from the rest of the educational environment. Sometimes only a grueling battle, years of relationships poisoned by conflicts, can lead to victory over nature. If there is no need for such a victory, it is better to make concessions to nature. Therefore, if a child displays cruelty, power, and aggressiveness, let him become a professional military man, no matter how much one would like to see him become an engineer; if he needs to be in public, to attract their attention, let him become an artist, no matter how much he would not like to see him as a military man.

To fight and correct nature, especially when it resists, is not only difficult, but also dangerous. Breaking, as they say, does not build, so it may turn out that, having drowned out nature, denying the child natural development, we will not be able to fill the resulting void without its help and will release into life a confused person living according to someone else’s project, as if he had failed. By transforming a child into what we want, we can make him unhappy.

Of course, education is not always a struggle and struggle; You shouldn’t expect only difficulties and pitfalls from nature. Between the teacher and the child, cases of complete harmony, mutual complementarity and idyllic consonance are possible and occur.

There is no way to recognize the nature of a child in advance, accurately, in detail, to foresee how and when it will manifest itself, so it is important to take a closer look at it, to be prepared for its unexpected surprises.

Parenting advice that is true for most children may not be suitable for your child.

You should follow such advice, as well as try any other educational innovations, carefully, observing the impact they have.

In this sense, the child himself, who shows what he is more susceptible to and what he is less susceptible to, is the best adviser for the teacher.

Gradually finding out what affects the child and how, the teacher acquires the experience that concerns this child and which cannot be found in any pedagogical manuals.

One more circumstance should be noted that sometimes significantly complicates the implementation of decisions made by the teacher.

The fact is that the teacher himself, and not just the child, is endowed with certain qualities by nature.

Among these qualities there are those that set an attitude towards the child, and not always optimal, not always one that the teacher himself would consider reasonable. Thus, to all the discussed points that make upbringing a very complex process, another one is added - the nature of the educator himself.

Most often, it contributes to education.

Without the nature of a teacher, it would be much more difficult for a person to find in himself the love and ability for dedication, patience and endurance that are required for education. But it happens that it becomes an obstacle to the manifestation of kindness, attention, warmth or, on the contrary, the exactingness of justice, teaching independence, hard work.

It is no coincidence that maternal love is called blind, capable of protecting the child at any cost and justifying his serious actions.

The teacher must examine and take into account his own inclinations, as well as the child’s inclinations. They, too, can present surprises and surprises, sometimes they also have to be curbed, and even fought, and it is not always possible to emerge victorious from such a struggle.

We looked at two important points: who is raising the child and what the child himself is like. Now you can move on to the next topic.

Psychological mechanisms of education.

“Good upbringing most reliably protects
a person from those who are poorly brought up"
Chesterfield.

“Let the first lesson of a child be obedience - then
the second can be whatever you consider necessary"
Fuller.

Wherever educational influences come from, and no matter how diverse they are, what unites them is that they always consist of two parts.

The first directly expresses the goal of education and indicates what and how the child should relate to. We must protect nature and help the weak, be the master of our words, etc. But the teacher knows that the child’s attitude towards the subject is unlikely to change just from instructions.

Therefore, in the second part of the educational impact, he tries to somehow justify and reinforce his words: you can’t litter, because someone will have to clean up; If you don’t wash your hands, you’ll get sick; you need to study, because without it you are not allowed to drive a car, etc.

We will call this second, argumentative and confirming part the basis of education, since the effectiveness of educational influence depends on it.

Let's take a closer look at it.

First of all, it should be noted the exceptional variety of bases used in the practice of education. To achieve his goals, the teacher is sometimes ready to use literally everything that can serve as an argument and creates at least a faint hope of success.

Some parents are ready to exaggerate and tell lies rather than make their demands without basis: “if you eat poorly, you won’t grow up, no one will marry you, etc.”

Sometimes the rationale for educational influence may be omitted in the hope of its obviousness. By limiting himself to a stern warning “stop it now!”, the adult assumes that the child understands what the consequences of his disobedience will be.

In repeated situations, when everything is explained to the child many times and in detail, it is possible to exert an educational influence without words at all, using, for example, one stern look.

However, the internal, unspoken content of the impact remains the same, meaning: “If you change, everything will be fine, if not, trouble awaits you.”

The influences emanating from other sources of education have the same structure.

In fairy tales, good deeds are rewarded with a beautiful wife and half of the kingdom, in religion, a righteous or sinful life is rewarded with the blessings of heaven or the torments of hell, in advertising, also with heavenly pleasure, only in real life, sometimes, with ideals: masculinity or femininity and the like.

So, various areas of educational practice show that educators, whether they realize it or not, always try to reinforce and justify their instructions and influences.

This means that during education, already existing needs, interests, and values ​​are used, which are associated with new objects and, as it were, redirected to them; the significance of these interests and hobbies is transferred to something that does not have such significance.

Thus, education is not only about creating something new, but about clarifying, redistributing, and improving the old.

Therefore, all this information is capable of changing the child only insofar as it touches and sets in motion what is already significant for him.

The most common mistake in upbringing is that an adult, instead of finding out the interests of the child, ascribes his own values ​​to him and stubbornly builds his influence on this.

In conflict situations, it is useless to refer to honor or shame for the family, harm to health, if these words mean little to the child; It is useless to justify the impact with the prospect of a calm and prosperous life if the child prefers a life full of risk, thrill, and adventure.

The fact is that needs, values, interests at each specific moment are actualized by emotional experiences. A child is characterized by such situational fascination to a much greater extent than an adult, and it is very mobile: what excites him in one mood may not bother him at all in another, which occurs in a matter of minutes.

A conclusion that is important for educators to consider.

It is not enough to know the child’s initial needs and values. When using them as the basis of education, it is necessary to ensure their actualization, that is, emotional experience. It is emotion, and not logic, that is the real and most direct educator of a child.

Success in education, to a large extent, depends on the extent to which it is possible to select the keys to his emotional experiences, correctly arouse them and direct them to new objects.

It is with the help of emotions that nature educates a child: if he pricks himself while trying to play with a cactus, an adult does not have to look for arguments to convince him not to touch the flower again. Emotion convinces him of this without explanation.

The ability to establish contact with a child, to find ways to maximally liberate and heal his emotions, constitutes a significant part of what is called pedagogical talent.

There is one dependence, taking into account which can help in improving this skill. It is very simple: the emotionality of educational influence depends on the degree of its reality, on how much the words of the influence correspond to real life.

The low effectiveness of verbal education has long been known.

J-J took the extreme position in this regard. Rousseau: “Give your student no verbal lessons, he must learn them from experience.”

The reality, emotionality and effectiveness of educational influence also depend on the child’s trust in the words of an adult and earned authority. A teacher interested in the effectiveness of his influence should avoid unnecessary exaggeration and endless teachings and ensure that the words do not diverge from the child’s experience.

“Parents least of all forgive their children for those vices
which they themselves instilled"
Schiller.

Topic: Success family education. What does it depend on?

Features of a modern family. Factors that reduce the educational potential of the family: low parental responsibility, little communication between parents and children, conflict in family relationships.

The connection between the family crisis and profound socio-economic transformations. Signs of a family crisis: the spread of small children, instability of marriages, low culture of relationships, self-removal of parents from raising children.

Emotional climate of the family. Emotional culture of the family. Family traditions, teaching environment and educational success.

One of the main prerequisites for the healthy mental development of a child is that he grows up in an emotionally warm and stable environment. At first glance, this seems obvious and easily achievable. But still, in order to comply with these two conditions, you need to think them over carefully, and sometimes make a lot of effort.

The modern family has lost many of the functions that cemented it in the past: production, security, education, etc. But two main functions for the sake of which a family is created and disintegrated have acquired enormous importance. This is the emotional satisfaction of all family members and preparing children for life in society. Both functions require maturity of feelings and culture.

For a long time There were debates among specialist scientists and teachers about who is more responsible for the moral world of children: family or school? Finally, the majority came to the right conclusion - without removing responsibility from the school, more demands must be made on the family, because This is where the foundation of the personality, its moral values, orientations and beliefs are laid. Thus, the importance of family education is undeniable. No one has more influence on children than father and mother. The role of parents in the development of inclinations and abilities, in the formation of the child’s personality is exceptional. The example of loved ones is the basis of education.

The family in which the child grows up is objectively his collective educator. And this has its pros and cons. Isn’t it difficult to ensure that all family members show the smallest of them a proper example of behavior and unity of moral criteria? Is it easy to avoid inconsistencies when your grandmother allows something, but your mother forbids the same thing, when your brother says one thing and your father says something else? But what to do, such details are reflected in the perception and upbringing of the child. Is it possible to downplay the role of parents, on whom the formation of the child’s personality largely depends, to downplay the importance of the unity of family pedagogy? Material conditions and civic and ethical ideas of parents are not isolated from the influence of social requirements for the family. The entire life of the family should help create in children a rich emotional world and readiness to perceive knowledge, moral and ethical values.

There are many problems in family education, and many of them are related to the ongoing transition from the so-called “united” to the “nuclear” family. A “nuclear” family consists of parents and children, and a “united” family also includes grandparents.

The development of the modern family is influenced not only by ethical values ​​and ideas about happiness, the meaning of life, the essence of human relationships, but also by the diverse consequences of industrialization and urbanization, and the scientific and technological revolution.

The traditional idea of ​​the family as the basic unit of society, meeting the most important needs of human nature, is not supported by everyone. Only half of women have a family, a third of them think differently. There are several reasons for this: a woman, who works equally with a man, takes less part in family life. Along with the increased independence of a woman, her demands on her husband and the nature of the relationship have increased, and the tendency to take a dominant position in the family has intensified. The marriage has become less stable. But, nevertheless, an incorrect, widespread idea arose about the possibility of freeing a woman from raising her own children. Due to a lack of understanding of the characteristics of the modern family and the role of women in it, the opinion has arisen that personality is formed “automatically.” Where did this, frankly speaking, dependent view of your parental responsibilities come from? At one time, the state took upon itself literally everything. Parents were freed from the most important responsibility of raising children. Parents transferred all concerns about their children to government agencies.

What does parental care for children come down to now? Just to ensure that they are fed and clothed. And then? All the same. And as a result, children grow up without the warmth of their mother’s heart, demanding and at the same time affectionate parental severity, without incentives for spiritual and moral growth.

Some kind of wretched point of view has developed: “Life will teach you!” or “You’ll go to a vocational school, they’ll show her (him) there.” What will they teach? What will they show? This, of course, is complete indifference to the upbringing and fate of one’s children. Life will not teach you, but relearn it, sometimes hard and painfully.

The idea about the determining role of the environment in education is fair, although not new. However, the closest environment for children cannot be excluded from the concept of “environment,” i.e. family environment.

As a result of the lack of proper upbringing in the family, especially since the 60s, the number of divorces has been rapidly growing. In large cities, the number of families breaking up exceeds half. And in most cases, the initiative to divorce comes from the woman. At the same time, cases of reluctance to get married are increasing. Up to half a million children born out of wedlock are registered annually.

Family instability often has a destructive effect on the psyche and morality of children, on their goals and attitudes. The loss of a family for a child is often tantamount to the collapse of the world.

The educational role of the family is not determined, naturally, by a formal indicator of its stability. What matters first of all is the moral, ethical and civic position of the husband and wife, their moral health, the structure and range of social contacts with society.

Can we say that a modern family consists of people who are physically and spiritually mature, prepared to overcome difficulties, capable of preventing and resolving conflicts, independent people, not subject to outside influences and capable of cooperation? Sociological research indicates that spouses are not mature enough and are not prepared for family life. Meanwhile, the development of society and its need for erudite and qualified specialists force us to turn again and again to the enormous and often decisive role of family education in the moral and mental development of the individual.

What are the reasons for the instability of the modern family? Demographers consider the reasons for family instability to be a woman’s economic independence and her growing freedom in the field of marriage and family relations.

Full mental development the child occurs on the basis of developed emotionality. The latter is formed in the early childhood in a family setting. Behind last years the role of the aesthetic content of the family, positive, emotional factors of surrounding life has undoubtedly increased. High general culture modern man makes it very demanding in terms of working, living, and everyday conditions. Aesthetics permeates literally all aspects of life: appearance, behavior, and home culture.

Emotional education is a subtle and fragile process. The tools of education are depth and especially sincerity. The emotional impact can be perfect only if “emotions are verified by reason” and if the peculiarities of the child’s emotional structure are taken into account.

Creating a prosperous family environment is the main task of almost every family. However, the active reluctance and opposition of at least one family member can be a difficult obstacle to well-being.

The desire of parents to create their own way of family life reflects their moral position and outlook on life. It helps to understand the role for which they are preparing their children in life. The constant efforts that a mother and father expend to comprehend their ideals lay the foundation for the moral education of a child. However, the most best examples will not give the expected result if the child remains on the sidelines and does not become an active participant in building a so-called prosperous, happy family.

The feelings that connect people cannot be completely the same; they are multifaceted and vary in intensity. It is also known that love requires daily confirmation. Not everyone has the mental strength to do this. Many believe that they are not obliged to meet another halfway in order to restore peace of mind and the emotional atmosphere of the family.

Real desire for family happiness and well-being are expressed in the creation family traditions. Once upon a time, traditions were a mandatory feature of a “joint” family and reflected the moral position of its members. Some traditions can be completely adopted by a modern family.

Early involvement of children in discussing all issues of family life is a long-standing good tradition. A very useful tradition of nightly readings, discussion of what we read, exchange of opinions. The custom of spending summer holidays together is becoming increasingly popular. The best school of life is analyzing your own mistakes. If this has become a rule in the family, children, of course, become accustomed to the manner of obligatory, impartial analysis of their actions.

Traditions connect people, representing a relay race of spiritual connection between generations. They, as a rule, provide the opportunity to accumulate moral experience.

To effectively raise a child in a family, it is necessary to comply with the mechanisms of family pedagogy. According to I.S. Kona, there are three such mechanisms in family pedagogy.

First of all and most widely used reinforcement. By encouraging the child for the right actions and tactfully punishing and reproaching him for the wrong ones, you gradually introduce a system of norms, rules, and concepts into the child’s consciousness. Of course, they must be realized and perceived by the child, and become his need.

The second mechanism is identification (identifying) oneself with one’s own, whom the child respects, adores, and strives to be like. It is important that this mechanism is based on love for parents, and in the name of this love, the child strives to be good in everything.

The third mechanism is understanding. Its meaning boils down to the fact that, knowing well and feeling the inner world of a child, the range of his motives and motives, immediately responding to his needs and problems, you can actively influence his actions.

^ Memo for parents

Creating a favorable family atmosphere.

Remember: how the parents wake up the child determines his psychological mood for the whole day.

Everyone needs time for a night's rest individually. There is only one indicator - the child should get enough sleep and wake up easily.

If parents have the opportunity to go to school with their child, do not miss it. A shared journey means joint communication and unobtrusive advice.

Learn to greet children after school. Don’t be the first to ask the question: “What grades did you get today?” It’s better to ask neutral questions: “What was interesting at school?) “What did you do today?”, “How were things at school?”

Rejoice at your child's success. Don't get annoyed at the moment of his temporary failures.

Listen patiently and with interest to your child’s stories about events in his life. The child must feel that he is loved. It is necessary to exclude shouting and rude intonations from communication; create an atmosphere of joy, love and respect in the family.

Form conducting a conversation.

The following questions can be used in a conversation:

1. Name positive traits your child's personality.

2. Name your child's favorite games.

3 Remember the last time and why you praised your child.

Slide 1

“Be yourself, find your own path. Know yourself before you want to know your children. Before outlining the range of their rights and responsibilities, be aware of what you yourself are capable of. You yourself are the child whom you should know, educate, teach before others.” J. Korczak

Slide 2

Each person goes through his own development path. Let us highlight, for example, the following stages of human development: 0-3 years 2) 3-5 years 3) 6-10 years 4) 11-14 years 5) 15-17 years Write who had the greatest influence on you? What have you learned? friends mom uncle grandpa dad aunt School and teachers grandma

Slide 3

What do you want your child to look like in a few years, what role will your family play in his development? Who is more responsible for the moral world of children: family or school? Without removing responsibility from the school, more demands must be made on the family, since this is where the foundation of the individual, his moral values, orientations and beliefs are laid.

Slide 4

Mutual respect, caring for each other, goodwill. Common characteristics of children: sociability, respect for elders, etc. The attitude towards raising children is more passive. Children also have negative qualities: laziness, stubbornness, hypocrisy. A characteristic feature is conflicts. Children are often classified as “difficult”. The main rule is “to study well and behave decently.” The result of upbringing is the child’s complete rejection of the moral standards of his family.

Slide 5

Questionnaire for parents (comparison with children’s answers) Test result “My contacts with parents” Prosperous relationships (more than 20) – 6 Satisfactory (from 10 to 20) – 7 Insufficient contacts (less than 10) – 1 Test Work in groups (list of incentives and punishments)

Parent meeting

Success of family education.

What does it depend on?

Form: conversation

One of the main prerequisites for the healthy mental development of a child is that he grows up in an emotionally warm and stable environment. At first glance, this seems obvious and easily achievable. But still, in order to comply with these two conditions, you need to think them over carefully, and sometimes make a lot of effort.

The modern family has lost many of the functions that cemented it in the past: production, security, education, etc. But two main functions for the sake of which a family is created and disintegrated have acquired enormous importance. This is the emotional satisfaction of all family members and preparing children for life in society. Both functions require maturity of feelings and culture.

For a long time, there were debates among specialist scientists and teachers about who is more responsible for the moral world of children: family or school? Finally, the majority came to the right conclusion - without removing responsibility from the school, more demands must be made on the family, because This is where the foundation of the personality, its moral values, orientations and beliefs are laid. Thus, the importance of family education is undeniable. No one has more influence on children than father and mother. The role of parents in the development of inclinations and abilities, in the formation of the child’s personality is exceptional. The example of loved ones is the basis of education.

The family in which the child grows up is objectively his collective educator. And this has its pros and cons. Isn’t it difficult to ensure that all family members show the smallest of them a proper example of behavior and unity of moral criteria? Is it easy to avoid inconsistencies when your grandmother allows something, but your mother forbids the same thing, when your brother says one thing and your father says something else? But what to do, such details are reflected in the perception and upbringing of the child. Is it possible to downplay the role of parents, on whom the formation of the child’s personality largely depends, to downplay the importance of the unity of family pedagogy? Material conditions and civic and ethical ideas of parents are not isolated from the influence of social demands on the family. The entire life of the family should help create in children a rich emotional world and readiness to perceive knowledge, moral and ethical values.

There are many problems in family education, and many of them are related to the ongoing transition from the so-called “united” to the “nuclear” family. A “nuclear” family consists of parents and children, and a “united” family also includes grandparents.

The development of the modern family is influenced not only by ethical values ​​and ideas about happiness, the meaning of life, the essence of human relationships, but also by the diverse consequences of industrialization and urbanization, and the scientific and technological revolution.

The traditional idea of ​​the family as the basic unit of society, meeting the most important needs of human nature, is not supported by everyone. Only half of women have a family, a third of them think differently. There are several reasons for this: a woman, who works equally with a man, takes less part in family life. Along with the increased independence of a woman, her demands on her husband and the nature of the relationship have increased, and the tendency to take a dominant position in the family has intensified. The marriage has become less stable. But, nevertheless, an incorrect, widespread idea arose about the possibility of freeing a woman from raising her own children. Due to a lack of understanding of the characteristics of the modern family and the role of women in it, the opinion has arisen that personality is formed “automatically.” Where did this, frankly speaking, dependent view of your parental responsibilities come from? At one time, the state took upon itself literally everything. Parents were freed from the most important responsibility of raising children. Parents transferred all concerns about their children to government agencies.

What does parental care for children come down to now? Just to ensure that they are fed and clothed. And then? All the same. And as a result, children grow up without the warmth of their mother’s heart, demanding and at the same time affectionate parental severity, without incentives for spiritual and moral growth.

Some kind of wretched point of view has developed: “Life will teach you!” or “You’ll go to a vocational school, they’ll show her (him) there.” What will they teach? What will they show? This, of course, is complete indifference to the upbringing and fate of one’s children. Life will not teach you, but relearn it, sometimes hard and painfully.

The idea about the determining role of the environment in education is fair, although not new. However, the closest environment for children cannot be excluded from the concept of “environment,” i.e. family environment.

As a result of the lack of proper upbringing in the family, especially since the 60s, the number of divorces has been rapidly growing. In large cities, the number of families breaking up exceeds half. And in most cases, the initiative to divorce comes from the woman. At the same time, cases of reluctance to get married are increasing. Up to half a million children born out of wedlock are registered annually.

Family instability often has a destructive effect on the psyche and morality of children, on their goals and positions. The loss of a family for a child is often tantamount to the collapse of the world.

The educational role of the family is not determined, naturally, by a formal indicator of its stability. What matters first of all is the moral, ethical and civic position of the husband and wife, their moral health, the structure and range of social contacts with society.

Can we say that a modern family consists of people who are physically and spiritually mature, prepared to overcome difficulties, capable of preventing and resolving conflicts, independent people, not subject to outside influences and capable of cooperation? Sociological research indicates that spouses are not mature enough and are not prepared for family life. Meanwhile, the development of society and its need for erudite and qualified specialists force us to turn again and again to the enormous and often decisive role of family education in the moral and mental development of the individual.

What are the reasons for the instability of the modern family? Demographers consider the reasons for family instability to be a woman’s economic independence and her growing freedom in the field of marriage and family relations.

The full mental development of a child occurs on the basis of developed emotionality. The latter is formed in early childhood in a family environment. In recent years, the role of the aesthetic content of the family, positive, emotional factors of surrounding life has undoubtedly increased. The high general culture of modern man makes him very demanding in terms of working, living, and everyday conditions. Aesthetics permeates literally all aspects of life: appearance, behavior, and home culture.

Emotional education is a subtle and fragile process. The tools of education are depth and especially sincerity. The emotional impact can be perfect only if “emotions are verified by reason” and if the peculiarities of the child’s emotional structure are taken into account.

Creating a prosperous family environment is the main task of almost every family. However, the active reluctance and opposition of at least one family member can be a difficult obstacle to well-being.

The desire of parents to create their own way of family life reflects their moral position and outlook on life. It helps to understand the role for which they are preparing their children in life. The constant efforts that mother and father expend to achieve their ideals lay the foundation moral education child. However, the best examples will not give the expected result if the child remains on the sidelines and does not become an active participant in building a so-called prosperous, happy family.

The feelings that connect people cannot be completely the same; they are multifaceted and vary in intensity. It is also known that love requires daily confirmation. Not everyone has the mental strength to do this. Many believe that they are not obliged to meet another halfway in order to restore peace of mind and the emotional atmosphere of the family.

Real desire for family happiness and well-beingrays are expressed in the creation of family traditions. Once upon a time, traditions were a mandatory feature of a “joint” family and reflected the moral position of its members. Some traditions can be completely adopted by a modern family.

Early involvement of children in discussing all issues of family life is a long-standing good tradition. A very useful tradition of nightly readings, discussion of what we read, exchange of opinions. The custom of spending summer holidays together is becoming increasingly popular. The best school life - analysis of one's own mistakes. If this has become a rule in the family, children, of course, become accustomed to the manner of obligatory, impartial analysis of their actions.

Traditions connect people, representing a relay race of spiritual connection between generations. They, as a rule, provide the opportunity to accumulate moral experience.

To effectively raise a child in a family, it is necessary to comply with the mechanisms of family pedagogy. According to I.S. Kona, there are three such mechanisms in family pedagogy.

First of all and most widely usedreinforcement. By encouraging the child for the right actions and tactfully punishing and reproaching him for the wrong ones, you gradually introduce a system of norms, rules, and concepts into the child’s consciousness. Of course, they must be realized and perceived by the child, and become his need.

The second mechanism isidentification (identifying) oneself with loved ones whom the child respects, adores, and strives to be like him. It is important that this mechanism is based on love for parents, and in the name of this love, the child strives to be good in everything.

The third mechanism isunderstanding. Its meaning boils down to the fact that, knowing well and feeling the inner world of a child, the range of his motives and motives, immediately responding to his needs and problems, you can actively influence his actions.

Memo for parents

Creating a favorable family atmosphere

Remember: how parents wake up their child determines his psychological mood for the whole day.

Everyone needs time for a night's rest individually. There is only one indicator - the child should get enough sleep and wake up easily.

If parents have the opportunity to go to school with their child, do not miss it. A shared journey means joint communication and unobtrusive advice.

Learn to greet children after school. Don’t be the first to ask the question: “What grades did you get today?” It’s better to ask neutral questions: “What was interesting at school?”, “What did you do today?”

Rejoice at your child’s successes, do not get annoyed at his temporary failures.

Listen patiently and with interest to your child's stories about events in his life. The child must feel that he is loved. It is necessary to exclude shouting and rude intonations from communication; create an atmosphere of joy, love, and respect.

Is it possible to use the following questions in a conversation?

Name the positive personality traits of your child.

Name your child's favorite games.

Remember when and for what you last praised your child.

Selection of material:

-collection " Parent meetings", author Lupoyadova L.Yu.,

Scientific and methodological journal " Classroom teacher» 2009,2010