What should I do if I constantly argue with my husband?

You can often hear the expression that “darlings scold, they only amuse themselves.” However, regular quarrels in the family cannot bring anything good. There can be many reasons for this phenomenon. If you are increasingly asking the question: “What should I do if I constantly argue with my husband?”, then it’s time to finally admit the existing problem and try to solve it peacefully. But where to start? And how to fix the situation?

What do quarrels and discord lead to?

The simplest rule in the family: “Be able to hear and listen to your partner.” It is precisely because of non-compliance with this rule that quarrels most often begin.

As a result, both spouses stop listening to the other’s opinion and respecting his interests. They each begin to defend their own point of view and, as a result, regularly argue and quarrel. This is where women’s statements arise, like this: “We constantly fight with our husband over little things.” At the same time, both spouses begin to resemble offended children whose toy was taken away. Each of them stands on his own and does not intend to give in to the other.

If everything continues at the same pace, then both spouses will understand that they have absolutely nothing in common. The consequences of this are divorce, division of property with all the ensuing consequences.

The main thing is to stop in time

If a husband and wife are constantly arguing, then at least one of them should definitely stop and take a sober look at the situation. Think carefully about how it all started and how your quarrel is proceeding. If you couldn’t remember something like this, you need to think about the fact that both partners are certainly the culprits of troubles in the family.

If, in your opinion, your husband started the quarrel, what prevented you from stopping in time? Why did you suddenly turn into a child and get into an argument with a frantic fuse? You supported the arguer, which means you are no less guilty than him.

It is quite possible that your spouse simply lost his temper. In this case, it can be influenced by various factors, including unpleasant moments at work, lack of finances and much more. Be smarter. Do not respond to shouting by raising your tone. Invite your spouse to calm down and look at the subject of the dispute calmly. At the same time, your tone should be balanced and your voice calm. After this, many men come to their senses. Remember, the main thing is to stop in time, before something is said that should not have been said. And then you will no longer wonder why my husband and I constantly fight.

Try to find a compromise

Any negotiation, including those between two arguing spouses, requires compromise. Sometimes finding it is not easy, but it is necessary. For example, if you are arguing over who will pick up the children from school or daycare, compromise and make a schedule. Your husband will do this on Mondays and Wednesdays, and you will do this on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And so that no one is offended, on Friday a grandmother or grandfather will completely cope with this task. And then you definitely won’t start a conversation with your friends with the phrase: “Girls, I’m constantly arguing with my husband, how can I fix the situation?”

What does the lack of compromise lead to?

In the absence of compromise or the desire to seek it, each partner will act out of spite for the other. For example, your husband will regularly stay late at work, because that’s where he can get rid of your reproaches and whims. He will turn off his phone and spend more time with friends. And sometimes you come far from being sober. All this results in a certain protest and a desire to get away from the unpleasant and tense situation in the family. As they say, a man must have a reliable back at home. If he is not there, he will simply begin to return there less often, and over time, perhaps, he will stop altogether.

The wife, on the contrary, will become offended. Sometimes she will turn to parents, relatives, and like-minded people for help. She will ask all of them: “My husband and I constantly fight, what should we do?” Of course, each case is individual. However, with this approach, your marriage is unlikely to last long. Take action and change the situation for the better.

How to solve the problem together?

In order to solve any problem, it is necessary to act together. For example, many ladies claim that their disputes are purely financial in nature. You can hear something like this from them: “We constantly fight with my husband about money. There aren't enough of them. Low salary. We can’t buy and put aside anything,” etc. However, before nagging your husband and once again reminding him of his small salary, think about what you specifically did to solve this problem. So what should you do?

First, talk to your husband. However, do not base your conversation only on reproaches. Psychologists recommend using the “hamburger” tactic. Remember that a hamburger has two buns and one patty.

So, first you need to praise your husband, then scold him a little (in moderation, of course), and then praise him again. For example, it would look something like this: “Dear! You are so talented and smart. It's just that your boss doesn't value you. Your salary is small, although you work seven days a week, and you also do everything for three specialists. It is not right. Talk to management. Say it's time for career growth. You have already grown out of your position and are ready for responsibility and new obligations. Ask for a promotion and an increase in salary. You know how much I appreciate your courage, prudence and responsiveness. You will succeed, you’ll see!”

Believe me, with this approach you will no longer need to look for answers to the question: “Tell me what to do? I constantly quarrel with my husband and don’t know what to do!”

Do not try to change anyone and look for solutions peacefully

The most common mistake in family relationships is the desire of one partner to change the other. Hence the mutual grievances and reproaches. But not a single person can be changed, of course, if he himself does not want it.

If you decide to start “raising” your husband, think about it - perhaps something is wrong with you. If you think that everything is fine with you, then in order to make fundamental changes in the character of your spouse, you should act gently and unobtrusively. And then the catchphrase “I constantly fight with my husband,” which you often use when communicating with your friends, will forever disappear from your vocabulary.

A simple example that many psychologists hear at appointments is that a husband often wears shoes around the apartment, but his wife doesn’t like it. What should you do in this case? Stop yelling at him. If he’s so used to it, then talking in a raised voice won’t help. Thus, the selfish phrase “I want you not to walk around the apartment in shoes” can easily be replaced with “I would like our house to be clean and comfortable. Therefore, be kind, do not walk around the room in your shoes and appreciate my work.”

Communicate more with each other

Sometimes women make an unforgivable mistake - they are unhappy with something, but do not tell their husband about the reason. Of course, you can expect your spouse to figure out why his other half was offended for years. As a rule, he doesn’t even know what he’s actually talking about.

If you are not happy with something, tell your spouse about it. However, this should not be done in the form of a complaint - it is better to communicate softly and carefully, without hurting his male pride.

Pregnant: My husband and I constantly argue

Women in an interesting position are often prone to quarrels and mood swings. It's all due to an excess of hormones. Of course, if you have a loving and caring husband, he will understand what exactly is causing your sudden mood swings.

If the situation has become tense, and you can’t do anything about it and the scandals continue, try doing breathing exercises. It helps you relax, calm your thoughts and even balance your emotions. As an option, a special yoga complex for pregnant women with elements of simple exercises and breathing is suitable.

Take more walks in the fresh air. In the end, you can deal with emotions using alternative methods. For example, psychologists advise singing, dancing or doing creative work (knitting, sewing, making something). And then your family will be quiet and calm.