If your husband left you with a child. Husband left me and the child father's advice

Listen to how it sounds: "He left me with a child!". The following picture immediately appears: a sobbing wife with a child in her arms tries to hug her husband, and he indifferently throws his relatives away from him and, leaving, slams the door! So I want to immediately punish the villain!

But if you listen to your husband, then he has his own version: “I did not leave my child! I left my wife!" Immediately the situation changes and many questions arise: why did you leave? What happened? Who is guilty? How can everyone live now? Well then, let's look for answers to these questions.

There are situations when the expression “left a husband with a child” is completely inappropriate, although it sounds like a horror story. But in fact, this situation is more terrible for men than for “unfortunate” women:

A random sex partner got pregnant. Such a "surprise" often happens with rich and famous men in order to jump out to get married under any pretext. You can read about such surprises in the article.

The man lived together or just met with a girl, but was not yet ready to marry. And even more so to have children. Conditions were set, there was protection, but supposedly something went wrong, but it was not possible to agree on an abortion. After all, only a woman can control her body.

The man did not know at all about the pregnancy of a random partner, and fate divorced them for a long time. And then the woman found the man. He, the poor fellow, did not even suspect that he had a child. He himself has already got a new family, children, and here he is - a blow from the past: feed, educate, participate in the life of the baby.

It is disgusting to watch how at this time all the bumps fly on the head of a man. What did these ladies expect if there were no promises, marriage proposals and father's wishes? There was not even a family with a subsequent divorce. What did they expect? To the indignation of the crowd? For large alimony?

Therefore, if you are “in the ranks” of such women, then there is only one advice: bring up, dear, yourself, if you really wanted a child. You gave life to a man only for your own benefit? Then you should be the first to be judged for it.

There are different things in families - quarrels, insults, scandals. But for some reason, some women are able to perceive even a minor quarrel as a global catastrophe. Well, this often happens in young families immediately after the birth of their first child. Mommy is in postpartum depression, daddy is horrified by the ora and dirty diapers of the baby, and even after hard work. Where is there not to argue?

So it turns out that the spouses threaten each other with a divorce, and then daddy runs away from home in his hearts for a while. Well, it becomes unbearable for him in such an environment! And he can't take the baby with him. And here's what happens to mommy:

She starts calling all her relatives with tears and hysteria that her husband left her with the child, and the case smells like a divorce.

She begins to intrigue her husband: call him with threats, promise to ruin his life if he does not come to his senses.

She throws a tantrum again when her husband does return, and she arranges the whole concert in front of the child, scaring him.

Well, this is still forgivable for young "yellow-mouthed" spouses. The most important thing is that such parents have wise and experienced relatives of the older generation. It is they who can explain to these bullies how to learn patience and mutual assistance.

If there are no wise relatives or a good psychologist, then indeed this family can collapse. And the reason is simple: these two hurried to be a full-fledged family. But most often it happens that such quarrels are harbingers of a divorce, but so far without a serious parting.

Family life must be literally built - from the foundation to the roof, brick by brick. And how to do it - you will read in the article. And to avoid troubles in the family, here is another article to help you:. This is in case you have no one to give wise advice to.

When the divorce has already taken place

And yet it happened. He left, the divorce was finalized, and according to the court, the child remained, of course, with you. Now let's look at the reasons for the divorce. The fact that the baby is in your arms is another matter, but first you need to find out what prompted you to run away.

you were the initiator

It was simply unbearable to live with him. He did not help in any way, on the contrary, his presence weighed on you and even frightened you. Some kind of nervous, just a little - immediately into a cry, or even dissolve his hands. He took a drink, did not want to work, was not at all interested in the child - well, how was it to live with this?

If he really is such a bastard, and he divorced you easily, spitting on the child, then it is better to exclude him from your life after the divorce forever. And never demand anything from him - neither for yourself, nor for the baby. Even alimony. Why? More on this later.

He was the initiator

No, you didn’t kick him out, he left and filed documents with the court. He explained this reason simply - it is unbearable to live with you, but the child is not to blame for anything. He does not refuse alimony, he wants to meet the child, but he does not want to live in the family where he is humiliated.

If the reason is in your character, then be more careful in the future. Revenging your husband for a divorce, you can break a bunch of firewood, setting the child against his father and not allowing them to see each other. The consequences will be dire. You will also read about them later.

Third Party Influence

This applies to all those who were able to destroy the family and bring the matter to a divorce:

relatives on both sides. The son-in-law (or daughter-in-law) did not like it, and the relatives begin to build all sorts of intrigues. Spouses would rally and send everyone to hell. But no, listening to someone else's opinion, they could not withstand the onslaught from the outside. Therefore, one must live at a distance with such villains - the farther, the more dear.

Gossips and "well-wishers". Some nonhumans simply cannot live from envy of someone else's happiness. What kind of fairy tales they will not come up with so that a strong family is broken. Moreover, all the gossip will certainly reach the innocent spouses. The family is divorced, gossipers gloat.

For many women, the answer is unambiguous - of course, apply. Why should a child suffer if he does not receive the same thousand rubles from his father, like a tuft from a black sheep? If he doesn't pay, we'll find him through the court, through bailiffs. Or the property will be taken away. And even if he is a tight-fisted miser, you still need to rob this nonentity to the skin.

On the one hand, this is correct. But some women are so short-sighted. After all, this bill of 1000 rubles pulled out of the father's teeth may later have a negative impact on the child himself when he is an adult. And there are plenty of examples.

Earlier, in the chapter on the reasons for divorce, there was already mention of cuckoo fathers who did not care about the child from birth. He tyrannized his family, drank, and after the divorce, his trace was generally cold. He maliciously evaded alimony, no matter what was done to him.

And now, in his old age, he suddenly remembered the children. He himself is weak, and there is no one to support him, how to live on - he does not know. So why not cut him child support? According to the legislation, it seems to be necessary if he needs it for health reasons. But will they award?

And herein lies the rub. If he paid at least some pennies every month, then his children will support him for life. Maliciously evaded and hid - figs he will get, but the children will be free. Well, if only, according to the conscience of the father, they will regret it, as a relative. So is that thousand rubles worth such sacrifices?

In other cases, of course, you need to apply for alimony! If the ex-husband does not shy away from anything and regularly pays, then respect to him. Let 25% of the salary seem like a little, but such is the law. And gifts to a child from a pure heart are not handouts, as some women believe.

To begin with, let's imagine the following picture: a woman with a one-year-old child in her arms is standing at the factory entrance, waiting for her ex-husband to come home from work. When he leaves, the woman begins to violently shake the baby and scream that the child suffers without a father, and he abandoned him as a bastard.

The child is filled with crying, and all those passing by shame the father. And in good conscience, you need to take the baby away from the mother, and kick her soft spot for such a scene. The child screams not from experiences, but because he is hurt and scared from his mother's hysteria. And mom is raging for her own reasons.

How can a child himself perceive a divorce from his parents:

Up to two years the baby, basically, needs the person who is constantly next to him. Most often it is the mother. Up to a year, he may not even notice the departure of his father.

Two to five years he may realize that dad is not around, but he still does not understand the seriousness of the divorce. Dad appears on some days - it’s already good and everything is on track.

Five to eleven years old- this is a difficult period. The child is already aware that mom and dad will not live and may suffer. Especially in adolescence.

Attention! Whatever difficult relationships the parents have, this should not worry the delicate child's psyche. All clarification of relations between adults should pass by his ears.

The absence of a father under the age of five can be explained by the workload of dad at work, but not otherwise. And if dad does not appear at all in his life, then there is no need to focus on him. But when the child already understands the separation of the parents, then it is necessary to explain everything to him in simple words, without going into details: it has become difficult for all three of us to live together, but communication with the father is not prohibited.

Undoubtedly! You can disable it in three cases:

If he himself does not want these meetings. Here, forbid - do not forbid, it's all to no avail. He may be in hiding.

If there is a threat to the life and health of the child. The father is a usurper who beats the baby, and can also get drunk and lose the child.

If he can steal the baby. Because, for example, he wants to take revenge on you. And then look for them all over the world.

Everything, just this! There are no more reasons. If a child reaches out to his father, and his father to him, whether you like it or not, then you have no right to forbid it. You can date them without your presence if you do not want to see your ex-husband, or you can walk with them together. Or give the child for the whole weekend.

In no case do not set conditions and do not interfere with their meetings! And shut your mouth if you decide to say something bad to a child about his father in order to turn him against dad. Once again, the insults of adults should not concern the child.

What will happen if you do this? Most likely you will cause hatred of your child in the future. Children have a good memory. They will remember the negative that they were told, and will compare it with reality - when communicating with dad. But in reality it will be the other way around!

Arrange your personal life

Naive is that woman who believes that after a divorce she will now live alone with a child, abandoned by the whole universe. This is not the film "Blue Lagoon" with a desert island, this is life with all its society.

There are relatives, friends, neighbors - every day something new is happening. If it is possible to periodically leave a child for someone (at least for the same dad), then immediately arrange your personal life. Divorce is not the end of the world. It's just a comma in your destiny. And then you "write" it in a new way.

If you are left alone with a child, then do not give him your whole life without a trace, without letting him take a single step on his own. No one will hang a medal for you for this, but they can reproach you. And not only the child, when he grows up, but also those around him for raising “mimosa in the botanical garden” (there are such poems by S. Mikhalkov).

Finally, an unusual technique

Let's do a thought experiment.

Imagine that you have the superpower to "read" men. Like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man - and you immediately know everything about him and understand what is on his mind. You would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem - you would not have any relationship problems at all.

Who said it's impossible? Of course, you won’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.

If you're interested, you can. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for our website visitors.

Unfortunately, the departure of a husband from a family is a fairly common phenomenon in the modern world. The most difficult situation is when a man leaves a woman with a newborn baby. A new mother immediately has a lot of disturbing thoughts in her head: where to get the strength to live on and not break, how to survive the betrayal of a loved one, for what money to exist?

It happens that the birth of a child, instead of uniting the family, on the contrary, gives impetus to the flight of the father of the family. There are many reasons for such an act: loss of sexual interest in a woman, deterioration in the appearance of a wife after childbirth, fear of the unknown, accumulated fatigue, fear of material difficulties, problems in communicating with a spouse, the appearance of another woman, etc.

A husband who has run away from responsibility with double strength injures women. Firstly, the betrayal of a loved one is always difficult to survive, and secondly, the husband also abandons a newborn child who so needs a strong and loving family.

1. During a breakup, people experience pain, depression, guilt, and self-pity. And you need to be patient and just survive this period, because in some cases nothing can be returned (and sometimes it makes no sense), and you need to learn to live on, moving towards new events, meetings, relationships. The goal of an abandoned woman is to learn how to be happy again. No matter how difficult it is to accept it, but life after the departure of the husband from the family does not end, but perhaps a new stage in life begins.

2. A woman needs to realize that she was not left completely alone. She has a little man for whom she is the whole universe. No matter how bitter and sad it is, you can’t give up, because now she alone has to take care of the baby, only she has the main responsibility for the future life of a small person.

3. Accept any help and do not hesitate to ask your friends, loved ones and relatives yourself, in the early stages it will be extremely useful. Redistribute worries about the child between relatives, allocate "areas of responsibility". See for yourself that friends and family, neighbors and even just acquaintances are ready to help, if you clearly explain what it can be.

4. Make a schedule of meetings with close friends and relatives, stick to it strictly. Communicate with them on the phone more often - isolation can aggravate depression.

5. Walk outside regularly with a stroller or baby sling as often as possible during the day. Move all the time, because constant moderate physical activity helps to cheer up.

6. Do not be skeptical of the well-known proverb that time is the best medicine. As practice shows, after some time, everyone who finds himself in a similar situation reacts more calmly to her husband's act. However, there is no specific period, everyone has their own time frame for calming the soul.

7. Women's forums are filled with such stories. And many women successfully overcame all difficulties, improved their lives and found female happiness. Read online user stories, ask forum members for advice, share your experience. Even strangers are ready to provide support and discuss a difficult life situation.

8. Baby yoga will help satisfy the physical and emotional needs of mom and baby, distract from sad thoughts and experiences.

9. Do not try to hide and suppress your mood, on the contrary, share your worries with people, pronounce problems. And the more times you do it, the easier it will be on your soul.

10. One of the major issues is money. Of course, one with a small child in her arms is difficult to provide for both. Alimony up to a year to a child is the protection of his right to the necessary material support. If the husband, after leaving, does not financially participate in the life of the child in any way, then it will be necessary to go to court.

11. In addition to the “default” happiness that appears in the house at the same time as the birth of a child, it can (and should) be considered that a child is your personal “perpetual” engine, existing in a single copy and working from your positive emotions.

12. If necessary, seek qualified help from a psychiatrist or psychotherapist who will help to cope with emotional experiences.

Unfortunately, difficulties are inevitable, but one must learn to treat them philosophically. Your task is not to become discouraged, but to find an opportunity to get the most out of your current state. Remember that problems in life only harden, make you look at current events from a different angle.

Prepared by Valeria Skripkina

I read a lot of stories on Bebik in which girls are abandoned with children, go to mistresses, marry new passions, do not pay alimony to their children. How girls try to fight for their family, cling to their husbands, loved ones, without whom, as it seems to them, life does not make sense. I want to write my personal experience that I experienced myself and still worry about, but already at the finish line to a happy and joyful life. Maybe it will help someone and give an opportunity to look at their circumstances from a different perspective. And to understand that her story is not unique and you need to adequately go through the trials that have come into your life, understand why this vital lesson was sent to you and get out, and not crawl out of the situation. Not with the feeling of a victim or a beaten dog, but a woman with a strong spirit, responsible for her life. Who worked on herself and her life, was able to survive this difficult stage, learned valuable lessons from it. Learned to be a happy and self-sufficient person. She boldly goes through life and is not afraid to face difficulties.

After sifting through the area, "a survey of all women of childbearing age", except for the hypothesis that the infant was driven by a racing car, came to Valentina's box. When we talked to this woman, Captain Bogliacino explains, it became obvious that there were some inconsistencies in his version. So we asked permission to go home to watch. Immediately strengthened by the discovery in the dirty linen of a basket with clear traces of blood and organic matter.

In other rooms, the carabinieri found sheets, towels and other items with traces of blood. At the police station, he said he was thrown off the balcony of the living quarters, explaining that her husband was suffering from neurological problems as her daughter went to kindergarten. However, the words that he did not repeat in the next interrogation in the prosecution, in Ivrea, with the assistance of the lawyer Patricia Mussano. But there is still context that needs to be deciphered. Isn't anyone able to notice this pregnancy? From this tummy grows. Now she is being hospitalized in the Sant'Anna hospital, which was planted by the police.

A year ago, my husband left me and my son, went to his mistress 7 years younger than himself, who at that moment was at the stage of breaking off relations with her husband and she had a daughter from marriage, they all worked together at the same enterprise. She knew that he not free, but it didn’t stop neither the fact that I don’t work, I can’t support myself and the only breadwinner in the family is my husband, nor the fact that our son is very small and in general the child needs a father (this is especially important for a boy). Neither is it a spiritual law that breaking up someone else's family is a great sin. Even people who are far from faith know about it. However, she systematically crawled into our lives, of course, at first I didn’t realize how every mother with a baby was completely absorbed by the baby, while Madame purposefully and masterfully treated my husband. By 5 months of our son's life, I began to notice the changes that were happening with my husband, this is coldness, alienation, when he came home, he tried to spend as little time with us as possible, he began to spend more time at the computer, then go to bed quickly, began to avoid intimacy, did not part with the phone went out to the balcony with someone talking. I tried to clarify the situation by talking heart to heart with him, he did not make contact, the conversations did not lead to anything. I checked the phone and mail when he was sleeping, everything was clean there, as I later realized (it was well encrypted, deleted everything). I attributed everything to a difficult time, to the fact that he gets tired at work and does not want to disturb me, since I had a prolonged depression after giving birth, I was very nervous, I thought that he had moved away because of this. In order not to swear once again with me, seeing my excited state. Everything is open in the summer! We went to my parents, after 2 weeks he stopped calling me, and a week later he stopped picking up the phone, when I got through to him we had a fight over this and he suddenly said let's get a divorce, I endured too long, I was in shock. Meanwhile, he had fun with his mistress and friends, went with her and his friends to clubs and karaoke. He brought her to our house in our bed, her neighbors found her drunk, the door to the apartment was wide open, she was lying on our bed sleeping, and there were open bottles and glasses everywhere. Our apartment at the time of my departure turned into a brothel, loud music was playing, left-wing men and girls, parties were constantly spinning. Some child was crying all the time, then, as it turned out, the mistress dragged her little daughter around with her everywhere (how I feel sorry for the baby, she was unlucky with her mother). My brother called him and confronted him with the fact that he puts us on the train and he, as he wants, let him take a day at work, look for an opportunity, meet us. He came for us drunk, cold, without a wedding ring, a complete stranger, with a wolf look. Seeing him like that, I realized something very terrible had happened, then I still did not know all the details of the situation about which I wrote to you above. From that day my personal HELL began! It takes a long time to describe my whole story, the terrible suffering and humiliation through which my ex-husband and his mistress forced me to go through. I will write briefly all the time that I saw him, he was drunk, did not spend the night at home, sometimes came to take something from his things, lied to his eyes, dodged, he was indifferent to his son, was ready to give him up, did not refuse only for the reason when he found out that he would have to pay alimony anyway, in court he cynically bargained for alimony, he wanted to hang all his debts on me. I terribly blamed myself for not loving, not looking, I was cold, paid little attention to him, was absorbed by my son, etc. Divorce and the first half of the year after his departure from our life I remember poorly, I was in a state of complete inadequacy all the time she cried, she couldn’t really do housework or a child. One day, I realized that if I continue like this, I will slowly kill myself, and for one I will shake the psyche of my little son, who at that moment really needed me and I didn’t pay him enough attention at all. The prospect of roaring into a fool made me somewhat sober. And I began to work on myself. The first point in my recovery was to find a good adequate psychologist, which I did. The psychologist turned out to be a believer and very tactful, later she became my close friend. We met with her every week, I told how I lived this time, how I worked on myself, she gave me homework that I did. We talked a lot about my inner state about those moments that should be given the most time, in my case it was resentment and guilt.

Investigators confirmed that they did not notice anything. This is the same version confirmed yesterday by Valentina's sister. We didn’t go there for a long time,” says Marianna. We could not suspect anything: she did not trust her, she did not talk about her problems. This is not a story of isolation and abandonment. But there is a positive context, a working husband, a decorative house, prosecutor Ferrando explains. However, when Valentina learned that she would no longer return home but would be arrested, she was stunned. "You didn't understand the seriousness of the allegations."

The only trace of clarity he had with the carabinieri was when he asked about the newborn's sex. The little one was called John in the hospital. It weighed over three kilograms and was about 54 cm long. According to the story of the first rescuers, the child had injuries, bruises on his arms and legs. He still had his umbilical cord attached. Cut out with scissors. Next to the asphalt, a bidet towel filled with blood and organic fluid. The first results of the autopsy, conducted yesterday afternoon by lawyer Patricia Mazziucco, will be compatible with the reconstruction of the investigators and will be discussed today in the prosecution.

The second thing that helped me survive the collapse of our family is prayer. As a believer, I prayed every day for myself, for my son, for. She asked me to give me the strength to survive, to endure this critical moment.

The third point was not under any pretext not to learn anything about the ex-husband and his life without us. I asked our mutual friends and my girlfriends not to tell anything about him and his passion in my presence. I didn’t rummage through social networks, I didn’t go to their pages, because I’m not a masochist, I had another goal to forget him, and this is a mandatory item on the road to recovery. Block all channels through which information about a person can reach.

A decent apartment in the center of the village, in a bar where he worked for 12 years, in a kindergarten where every morning he accompanied his 4-year-old daughter, who had his companion. The life of Valentina Ventura, 34, was here, including her secrets that seem inexplicable today. Even her husband was still in the dark, as that may seem absurd. He also didn't understand the severity of the situation the other morning, shortly before dawn, when he felt something like a "miagolio" in the bathroom, and then saw so much blood on the carpet under the sink. Don't worry about me, I have a lot of periods, she said, comforting her.

I also had a swing, this is such a state when you start to remember all the cool, sweet moments of life together, kisses, hugs, sex, good days, walks, words, and so on. The movement of such thoughts must be cut in the bud, endured, and by an effort of will, switch to other activities. Easy to say hard to do. But this must be done, first of all for you! Because you can stay in this state for a very long time. And there are no positive prospects in this! Only we ourselves can pull ourselves by the hair out of this swamp, longing for bygone days and self-pity.

Then, leaving the house, he crossed the neighbors, still upset that the newborn found on the street, on the pavement, two towers and a worker who was returning. “But look at the world we live in,” the man whispered as he got into his car, heading to the office, a real estate agency in Turin. Now that Valentina has been arrested by Settimo Torinese's guardians on charges of murdering her newborn son, suspecting she threw her off the house's balcony, from the second floor of the condominium via Turati 2, is a sequence of proposals and outbursts, between the shops and the school. “Valentina was a strong woman, she could endure everything,” mothers say. She carried her and gave birth every morning.

Another very important point is to be constantly busy, you can live in short periods, do not plan your life for 5 years in advance, but write down tasks for the day on a piece of paper what you will do tomorrow. What are your plans, it’s also very good to help others, it greatly eases your own pain (tested on yourself) you can help in a shelter for homeless animals, there are always not enough volunteers, elderly, lonely, sick people, in your city there are a lot of people who much worse than you and your problems are not as terrible as it might seem at first glance. You can come up with something for a holiday in a kindergarten, at a child’s school, do creativity with children, feed pigeons, make feeders, paint or fix something in the country, in the village if you have them, help one of the relatives in their affairs . Those who have a car can provide all possible assistance to temples, rehabilitation centers, animal shelters, they often look for people who could help with transportation, volunteers are needed in baby houses, you can donate blood, it is constantly required and is never superfluous. The main thing is not to turn sour in the swamp self-pity and thoughts of bygone times.

He came early and returned by 11 to follow the treatments. Yes, therapy for a little girl. This nightmare with a strange name, almost imprinted, entered her life in the form of a hereditary disease, to which her father is affectionate. A degenerative disease that affects the nerves, starting in the legs, can lead to paralysis. Who knows if this tarlo can influence her mind to force her to "get rid of this child who would most likely have to live with this syndrome." There is no trace of this hypothesis in the studies, but very honestly the researchers talk about it as a hypothesis.

I want to write a little about alimony. Dear ladies, do not wait for the weather by the sea, do not flatter yourself with the illusion that your loved one will come to his senses and return, will support you and your child. Apply for alimony. Believe me, if a father loves his children, he will support and take care of their well-being even after leaving the family. As practice shows, this is a fairly rare occurrence, when a father voluntarily makes deductions for a child left in the care of his mother, there is no need to play Mother Teresa and drag out a claim for alimony.

Apart from the procedural and scientific evidence that has already been done and is yet to be done, this drama had to have an origin, a root. “There is still a lot to be done and understood,” says Ivrea lawyer Joseph Ferrando, who ordered the death of colleague Leah Lamonaca after almost four hours of interrogation. "It's not easy to compare," he adds, "that he was excluded from the normality with which the woman heard the accusations."

The school hardly knew him. "He worked in Turin, he was almost Valentina." Then came the second pregnancy, the fear that another child might have, the fear that he might not be able to do it. And slowly loneliness, it devoured everything. The job left nine months ago. Then the relationship was reduced to an irreplaceable minimum with family members. Mom is no longer seven years old, her father and sister hardly visited them. It was easy to keep a secret with them.

I was also looking for help on the Internet on my questions and came across two very interesting resources, one of them is a practical forum on experiencing crisis situations in the family, he helped me a lot to understand myself and my condition, after reading the site and its stories, I was extremely surprised at how many difficult situations, what recommendations are given to overcome internal experiences, it is described in detail about the algorithm of actions in case of betrayal, departure of the second half. Most of all, I was struck by how many men there were who were abandoned by their wives, and these men are not crooks and not alcoholics. Good family men, decent husbands and loving fathers. I liked the topic of the author Lucinano, I just could not pass by, he painted everything specifically and with examples from his life, he wrote the truth for men, but it is also suitable for women too.

How to live if the husband left for another?

Even the assistant assures that he never understood, but around her people asked. Moms at school, neighbors, customers of the old bar always found themselves on the same question: "Are you pregnant?" Valentina shook her head, she always denied. And then the embarrassment erased everything. “We dared, we insisted a little more, maybe it will open up and we could help,” the girl snorts as she deals with another puppet at 2 Turati Street, where a newborn was found naked on one side. Now, here, there is an altar of pelukhs, letters and flowers.

I read men's topics on the forum, they are all very similar, I want to help everyone, but there is not enough time to write in detail in each topic. So I decided to create a general topic and write my thoughts here. I hope this will be useful to someone. I took some thoughts from my earlier posts.

First of all, I want to note the following things:
1. Please treat this topic not as a guide to action, but as a call for reflection. Everyone's situation, although similar, is still somewhat different, and my recommendations should be applied to the current situation in an appropriate way.
2. Please do not be offended by beautiful women that I am addressing men in the subject. I do this not because I want to somehow infringe on our ladies, but simply because I advise from the standpoint of my own experience, and it’s hard for me to imagine how I would behave in the place of a woman. But if my message is useful to our lovely women, then I will only be happy.
3. Unfortunately, I can’t give a recommendation on what and how to do if you and your wife decided to build a family all over again, since my wife and I eventually decided to leave, and I didn’t allow reunification ...
So, you found out that your wife is cheating on you, does not love you, wants to leave, has already left, or something similar has happened. You are devastated, depressed, angry, do not understand anything (the range of feelings can be wide) ...

The Jews removed a candidate who opposed the ancient Hebrew manuscripts. UNESCO chose the boss as the daughter of a communist executioner who was never different from the crimes of his father and their common party. In her first commentary on the BNT, after being elected UNESCO Secretary General, Irina Bokova said: “This election, twenty years after the fall of the Berlin Wall, is also a recognition of the efforts that the post-communist countries have contributed to their democratization.” Some would call it the irony of history.

Irina Bokova headed the organization for cultural cooperation, education and peace and commented on this fact as recognition of the rest of the world in an attempt to break Eastern Europe into communism. The idea of ​​cultural cooperation and world peace was not transmitted to him and his mind when he broke the head of Raiko Alekseev, one of the most popular Bulgarian journalists and intellectuals, with his boots and drunkard. Relatives of Raiko Aleksiev say that his testicles and genitals were literally crushed by his torture.

I once was in your place. This happened to me for the first time, and I also did not know how to act correctly. Now I know much more than then, and would have behaved quite differently. However, I came up with many things myself intuitively, but I also made a lot of mistakes. Below are the theses and advice that I took from my own experience.

He died a few days after the beating in terrible agony, and his killer rose up, and for a long time he was the editor-in-chief of Rabocheye Dyelo and a member of the CPC Central Committee. After they were killed, Georgy Bokov and his accomplices literally sacked their possessions, from the carpets in the living room to the underwear in the wardrobe. They then settled into their homes and some of these partisan hummingbirds even raised pigs and chickens in bathrooms in the center of Sofia. Revolutionary Bulgarian Cultural Revolution.

In addition to causing suffering to hundreds of thousands of people, he effectively destroyed all of Bulgaria's cultural bridges to Europe. She is not responsible for her actions, but she is responsible for taking full advantage of all the benefits her family received after this murder. A good education, a luxurious life and, most importantly, an uneven start, an advantage over the rest of the Bulgarians for several decades. But let's continue - there was no iron curtain for the communist elite.

1. Life does not end there. Every person has a desire for personal happiness. Imagine that happiness is on a high hill, and you are at the foot of this hill. You can climb a hill with many paths, you do not need to dwell on the path that you walked the previous segment of your life. Believe me, she is not the only one, and the path to happiness does not end even with a divorce. Even such a sad event as a divorce can be seen as the first page of a new chapter in your life. Remember that you always have a choice of paths to happiness, a choice makes your behavior free and relaxed, your life more interesting and exciting.

He kept the rest in obedience, but his representatives traveled peacefully in this world and enjoyed his spiritual and material achievements. Here they said that they are harmful and decadent and forbid others to think and live freely. When the same elite decides that the iron curtain must fall, the so-called common people shake up the so-called transition. An extremely difficult transformation for which no one but the red elite was prepared.

Thus, in Bulgaria it took place with animal cruelty under the sign of daily aggression, dictated by the same mentality that half a century ago imposed the old system with violence and blood. Irina Bokova says she was recognized as an effort. She never made any effort. Simply because her father shocked the big Bulgarian man with his boots.

2. Often our problem is that we put another person above our desires and aspirations, we subordinate our lives to him, we make him an idol. Remember that for a person the most important thing is harmony, external and internal, and the main purpose of a man is to express himself in the world external to the family - creativity, profession, extraction of that same mammoth, knowledge of the world, knowledge of God. A man should have a BUSINESS to which he must selflessly devote himself, and in due time a woman appears next to him, supporting and helping him, a companion and keeper of the hearth. No need to make a goddess out of her, put on a pedestal and the like. You need to continue your journey with God and with gratitude to him for everything. This position makes you confident, strong, interesting, no woman wants to leave such you. You are big, strong, confident, kind.

There is something terribly twisted about this story - fathers kill innocent people with sadistic sadness, and their children tell us about peace, culture and understanding with learned Western manners. But it's not so absurd that Bokova finds a place in UNESCO, a mindless organization that has legalized totalitarian regimes for the rest of the world over the years.

It is no coincidence that the United States and the United Kingdom left him with accusations that they were spending big money on a useless administration occupied with communist propaganda. The fact that this city was under the auspices of UNESCO could not save it from the patronage of Mitio-Glaza and the rest of the Bulgarian mourners who turned it into a concrete helicopter. What UNESCO was able to do was to threaten Nessebar with its exclusion from its auspices.

3. The woman leaves. You don't have to "fight" for it. The traditional question from a sober observer in such a situation: who are you going to fight with? With your wife? With lover? If you fight with anyone, then only with yourself, and not for her, but for yourself. No need to rush to save everything, fill up with flowers, gifts and confessions, constantly have heart-to-heart conversations. Such actions are late, demonstrate your weakness, and first cause pity in a woman, and then irritation, but do not resurrect love. At such moments, hurt male pride and humiliated pride scream in us, you can’t go on about these feelings.

If this were an organization in place, they should not allow such things to happen on all of their sites, rather than delaying them and threatening exclusion as they did nothing. In addition to UNESCO, there are a number of international organizations whose effectiveness is rather doubtful, but periodic scandals related to shadow business, money laundering and international espionage. But this is another commentary on the global bureaucracy.

Indeed, there has long been a discussion about the meaning and existence of the UN in the form in which it is now, but this, unfortunately, is still far from our Bulgarian conversations. My comment was prompted by Irina Bokova's suggestion and the uncritical gaiety of the Bulgarian media, which seemed to her a selection of patriotic provincial outbursts. Bokova is not Stefka Kostadinov, UNESCO is not an Olympiad, and the clerical games and political intrigues that led to the election of the Secretary General of this organization are not pride.

4. Talking once is still worth it. You must prepare for the conversation, get together, be as calm and confident as possible. Explain to your wife that you are hurt and hard by her behavior/decision. That you may have made mistakes in life, but this did not give her the right to cheat on you. That you do not intend to tolerate her betrayal. That you give her a choice - either stop all communication with her lover, build a family anew with you and God, or go on a solo voyage as a free woman. You must honestly warn her about the most likely scenario of her life, namely, that according to statistics, only 30% of women who leave for another man marry him, and only half of them are happy in this new marriage, i.e. She has a 15% chance of success. If her chosen one is married himself, then divide by another 3 (5%). The most likely scenario is that the passion will pass, her lover will mother and leave her, all the delights of dividing property with you await her, the hearts of the children will be broken for life, shame and bitterness at the thought that she herself destroyed the family will remain with her forever. You offer her a reliable family, you are ready to rebuild the family building and another life together with her. Prepare a speech in advance and give it only once, then only answer her questions. If the wife is thinking, give her the opportunity to make a decision, do not bother or pull her, take care of yourself for now (more on that below). Tell her you're giving her time to make a decision. Give no more than a week, a maximum of two. If the wife refuses, resolutely tunes in to another life, or continues to behave inappropriately after the expiration of the term, completely move away from her and get ready for a divorce (alas). This will be what the forum calls the “magic kick”.

5. Among other things, behind the fear of losing your wife lies self-doubt, thoughts “who needs me”, “how will I be alone now”, the habit of comfort and the like. Now you have been taken out of your comfort zone, and just accept that your life will never be the same as before. And believe that not everything is as bad as it seems in these dark days.

6. Don't whine, don't beg, don't beg, don't pester, don't humiliate yourself, don't go into alcohol. Women don't like the weak.

7. Do not show aggression, do not insult, do not humiliate yourself. It will not give you points, but then there will be a burning shame. Don't do anything right now that you don't respect yourself for. If you want to do something that you are not sure about the worthiness, just try to look from the outside and imagine that it is not you, but another man in another family who wants to commit the indicated act, and mentally evaluate him.

8. Self-respect is exactly what you need. Write down on paper your positive qualities for which you are appreciated by other people, other women, yourself. You will see that not everything is so bad, you have something to appreciate. Carry this piece of paper with you (I carry a record on my phone), and read it at a difficult moment. It really helps, I've checked.

9. Analyze your mistakes in marriage, sort them out, remember and draw conclusions. You don't need to beat yourself up. Remember, your mistakes are not a reason for you to change, but you need to accept them as experience so as not to repeat them in the future.

10. Take care of yourself, your personal growth. Fill your life with new things and concerns that will help you grow, such as:

Perhaps you have always wanted to learn something, improve your skills, improve your English - now is the time. immerse yourself in the learning process
- sport. set goals in sports (lose weight, improve your figure, stop suffering from shortness of breath when running, but just accustom yourself to regular workouts). I highly recommend boxing, it clears the head, increases self-esteem, improves physical fitness.
- daily charge
- read more and / or listen to audio books on work, personal development, how to achieve success, etc.
- fight bad habits and activities (drinking, computer games, TV, etc.). forget television programs altogether, watch movies (both gaming and educational)
- pay attention to work, what career opportunities are there in your workplace? maybe it makes sense to become more active, get into new projects, pull the blanket over yourself?
Find a new hobby or revisit an old one. when a person is passionate about something, there is no time to engage in harmful introspection
- Learn to type with the 10-finger method if you don't know how
- remember what you dreamed about in your youth, for sure, some dreams are not too late to realize

List it on your phone and check back periodically for self-stimulation.

11. Pray for your wife (even after a divorce), for your children, for yourself. Ask God to forgive the sins of your wife, your sins, have mercy on you sinners and help your children. Daily prayer helped me a lot and relieved my soul. Order magpie, reading the psalter in a monastery or temple. Read the gospel.

12. Read psychological literature, especially moments related to the struggle with negative emotions (guilt, resentment, anger, etc.)

13. Will want to fill the void with another woman. Avoid it. It can really make you feel better, but then you will be ashamed that you have used a person as a band-aid. Do not start a new relationship earlier than six months later (preferably a year or two). The time will come and you will be able to fill your heart with a new feeling, verified.

14. Do not be afraid for the children. This is the most painful topic, I know and understand this very well. Believe me, the child's psyche is very flexible. Try to give your children more attention, care, come up with joint business, call and write to them more often, take them to you, take them to interesting places, take them on vacation, etc. Be their father, no matter what happens, you didn’t make this mess, so don't eat yourself. Of course, nothing can replace a complete family for children, but believe me that living in a lie or in a family where mom does not love dad is even worse. Be a strong, funny, caring father, the kind that children will be proud of, and not a weak, whining, downtrodden, tormented by dislike being, whom children will not respect. They are now watching and absorbing the right and wrong patterns of behavior in family life. You don’t want your daughter to repeat the mistakes of her mother, and your son to become an insecure loser and henpecked?

15. Sometimes pain will roll in, thoughts about the past, difficult feelings, sweet memories. It's a swing. You need to endure and switch at these moments to another activity or prayer. You yearn for that woman who is no longer there, your wife is now completely different, and the old times will not return (you cannot enter the river twice, only into a puddle). Over time, the amplitude of the swing will decrease, the duration of calm, light periods will increase.

16. Do not try to come up with quick and easy solutions on the topic “how to return everything”, some magic phrases, actions and manipulations. Even if you can, with skillful manipulation, return the body (not the soul) of a woman to yourself, the effect will be short-lived and joyless. Get ready for the long haul. Relations between people can change, but it takes months or even years. I myself went through the desire to run somewhere, save and do something, otherwise I would be “late”. It's a delusion.

It is insanely difficult to start doing all this, but you need to force yourself through “I can’t - I don’t want to”, get involved gradually. I am proof of that.
After a while, you will realize that not everything revolves around your relationship and experiences with your wife, you will discover a new world for yourself, self-esteem and a sense of inner dignity will grow beyond recognition. Feel like a man, and all decisions will come by themselves. You will be the master of the situation.

I want to warn against a serious mistake. Don't do all of the above to get your wife back. Do it ONLY for yourself, to change your life, to find your own new path to happiness.
By the way, if you do everything as written above, it is very likely that one day the wife (or by that time already the ex-wife) will want to return everything. Then you will decide what to do. Perhaps your paths will converge again, who knows ... When I got involved in a new life, my ex-wife was no longer needed, since the dependence on her disappeared. Although at first I simply dreamed about this “return” of hers, about the words that she later said to me, etc.

Good luck to you! I wish to find myself, my own personality and destiny. Hold on guys. There is life after infidelity and divorce. Checked.

The second resource is the help of professional psychologists, which is free. You can write your situation there, they will help you find a solution to the problem and direct you in the right direction https://www.b17.ru/

In the end, I would like to write about myself and how my life turned out a year after our breakup.

All year I worked on myself, at first it was difficult to constantly cry, there were swings, it seemed this terrible state would never end. I fought constantly, occupied myself, played with the child even through my strength, walked with him, prayed a lot, at first I “registered” in the church, went to all the morning services, it became easier. I talked with a psychologist and did all the exercises that she advised me. I found work at home, gave the child for half a day to a commercial kindergarten, so that the baby could develop and I could work at home and take a break from the child at that time, since we are all the time together. I found a lot of interesting activities - finger painting with a child, walks in the evenings, a pool in the morning 2 times a week. I found something that brings me pleasure, you can find something according to your interests. Now, looking back, I understand that I have become wiser, more far-sighted, calmer, after the departure of BM, many problems disappeared by themselves, including in the household part. We became very close with my son, I feel his love and affection, he always jumps into my arms and puts his head on my shoulder when I come to kindergarten for him, as if we were 100 years apart. I gained spiritual experience, understood my mistakes and accepted them, stopped blaming ourselves, we are not saints and we all tend to make mistakes, but this is not a reason for us to change and betray. BM, I'm sorry because it's not easy to carry such a heavy burden through life with the stigma of a traitor and a traitor. And you can flaunt as much as you like in front of others, you can’t deceive yourself. I think about him very rarely and without pain. We still do not communicate and I am very grateful to him, for the fact that he has a conscience, not to appear in our lives, after all that heaped up. I also have an old friend who takes care of me. A decent guy, he doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, he’s a children’s doctor, we don’t allow further relations with him at the level of communication, but he doesn’t insist and I respect him very much for this.

I want to wish all of you true female happiness, not hypocritical love, God help you all who go through a difficult crisis path of family relationships !!! With warmth and sincerity to you!!!

P.S Comments expressing aggression, insults and other non-constructive and negative will be deleted.

Women by nature are so arranged that they carry their experiences to the external environment. It is important for them to throw out their grief, their troubles. Therefore, the most popular discussions on women's Internet forums are about divorces and separations. Often women complain that their husband left with a child, and ask for advice on how they can continue to live. "Girlfriends" on the forums give a variety of advice - from smashing windows in the house of an ex-husband to crawling behind him on his knees. Each believes that her method is the most effective, that if the husband does not return, then at least the wife will have a feeling of satisfaction and revenge for the offense.

Why do men leave families and leave children?

The reasons for the departure of husbands from families where joint children have already been born are, in fact, not on the surface, which we used to call everyday life. The reasons are much deeper - in the social structure and society's attitude to fatherhood.

The right to fatherhood is formally enshrined in the Russian constitution, the constitutions of other developed and developing countries. The rights of parents are considered equal. But is it really so?

A woman can give birth to a child from any man she likes. Even if a man takes all measures to prevent pregnancy in his sexual partner, a woman has many ways to get around a man's reluctance to become a father. A woman gives birth to a child that a man may not even suspect, establish paternity in court and demand alimony from a man for the maintenance of an unwanted child. At the same time, our society is set up in such a way that if a man does not marry a woman who has given birth to a child from him, he is condemned. Nobody is interested in the fact that at the moment of intimacy a woman was interested in a man only as a sexual object, and not as a future partner for a life together and not as a mother of future children.

A woman may not give birth to a child from her man by terminating the pregnancy. In this case, only her opinion and desire are taken into account. The desire of a man to become the father of an unborn child does not interest either the pregnant woman who decides to have an abortion, or the doctor performing the operation. The rights of an unborn child and the rights of a failed father are not protected by law and morality and are not mentioned at all. It turns out that the birth of children is an exclusively female matter, but the responsibility for the decision of a woman to give birth falls on a man.

Women have long used children as a "leash" for men. Someone once suggested that a child can “tie” a man, but no one has yet been able to logically explain this. Yes, and not such an explanation, because it is impossible to “tie” an adult independent man with anything. He is kept next to a woman solely by his own desire.

The disdainful attitude of the wife, mother, mother-in-law and other relatives towards the father's attempts to take care of the baby turns him away from offspring for a long time. In fact, if all the time they formally “hit their hands”, point out minor mistakes and shortcomings, criticize every action, then soon the young dad will lose all desire to somehow participate in the life of the baby - he still won’t do well, but critics receive a year in advance.

That is why the father-child relationship in our society is so precarious and unstable. We got rid of the vicious patriarchal model with the ability to dispose of the child as property, but did not offer a replacement. Women raise their sons in such a way that they grow up weak-willed and infantile, they cannot first control their desires, and then they do not want to be responsible for their actions. Daughters, on the other hand, are brought up either as princesses, to whom everyone owes them for decorating a man’s life with their presence and giving birth to children, or as feminists opposed to nepotism and men, who try to solve all problems on their own, including raising children on their own, excluding the participation of a man.

What to do if the husband left not only his wife, but also the child?

First of all, you do not need to take revenge and try to ruin your husband's life. You will probably have to live with him later, why then unnecessary conflicts? Surely, after the news of his departure, you want to cry? Well, to health. Women's tears purify the soul and calm the nervous system, unless, of course, they turn into hysterics.

After spiritual cleansing with tears, you need to stop dying and falling apart. The departure of a husband from the family is a nuisance. But not grief. Therefore, there is no need to grieve. Here's what's really worth doing:

• Calm down. If necessary, then with the help of herbal teas, yoga, light sedatives after consulting a doctor. Without a normal mental attitude, it is impossible to think constructively and act correctly.
• Don't forget about the child. It is no easier for him now than for an abandoned mother, even if he is still too small. A child needs a calm, balanced, kind mother, and not a tearful, nervous and twitchy aunt with an extinct look and shaking hands. The best way to distract yourself is to spend time with your baby, bake a pie together, make dumplings, ride a carousel or go on a picnic.
• Do not turn the child against the father. Never - even if the husband is a hundred thousand times wrong - to tell children about the love affairs of their father, about his losses in cards and casinos, about his drunken antics, if the children did not become witnesses to it. Father and mother are the support for any person, even in adulthood. If you look at the published materials of psychologists who work with adults who are in a depressed state, it will become clear that unflattering news about parents unsettled 30-40-year-old people from the rut, caused a feeling of disappointment, bitterness, contributed to the formation of complexes and a decrease in self-esteem. What then to say about small children with a fragile psyche, who believe in fairy tales and that dad is the smartest and strongest, and mom is the most beautiful and kind.
• Try to reconnect with your husband. Well, or at least establish a relationship with him about a common child. All children were once promised to go to the zoo, to the circus, to ride a boat, to go to the forest for a picnic. It's time to remember the promise and fulfill it together with your husband. If he is stubborn and does not want to meet his ex-wife, then it is worth giving him a child and offering to spend time together. A loving father, after a great day spent with children, will surely have a doubt, but did he do the right thing, leave the family and his children?
• Give your husband children at least for the weekend. This will allow him to remember that no one has canceled his father's rights and obligations, and nothing has changed in this regard.

Women after the departure of her husband most often face financial difficulties. If the child is breastfeeding, then it is impossible to go to work with him. Working at home is also extremely difficult, since the baby takes up all the time of the mother, and if he is not the only child in the family, then the woman often does not have time even for a leisurely meal or cosmetic home treatments. If this is the situation, do not be shy to contact your husband for help. In the end, a child under 18 years old, and a mother - until the baby reaches three years old, according to family law, have the right to receive maintenance from the father and spouse. If he does not voluntarily fulfill this duty, then the court will force him to do so.

Parents of juvenile bullies did not even apologize

In Tver, on the eve of the new year, a terrible incident occurred: two schoolchildren threw a firecracker on fire into a baby carriage, where at that moment there was a child. Miraculously, the baby's mother managed to brush off the firecracker and grab the baby. Further attempts to find out from hooligans and their parents how such a thing could have come to mind were unsuccessful. It is up to the police to investigate the crime.

The incident happened at the entrance of house number 5 on Marshal Konev Street. Marina, a local resident, said in an open letter that on December 27 she was returning from a walk with her 10-month-old daughter. According to the woman, when she entered the entrance, unfamiliar boys who played in the yard with firecrackers tried to follow her. She forbade them to enter the wrong entrance and began to close the door.

"When the front door was almost closed, the boys opened it a little, threw a firecracker into the stroller," the message, which spread across social networks and local media, said.

According to the woman, immediately after that the door slammed shut, she remained in the dark and tried to find a lit firecracker. This succeeded, the woman brushed her to the floor and pulled her daughter out of the stroller. The firecracker exploded on the floor, no one was hurt.

After that, the woman ran home, called the doctors to check if everything was in order with the child, and, leaving her daughter with her grandmother, ran out into the street. In the yard, the children told her what kind of boys they were and where they studied. It turned out that they were from one of the schools in the Proletarsky district of the city, moreover, one was an excellent student, and the other was from the cadet class. After telling about the incident to the school management, the woman came to the "face-to-face confrontation" with teenagers and their parents.

“None of them asked how the child was, and one of the mothers asked where I had a certificate from the ambulance. I asked her if she was a doctor, but they answered me arrogantly that she was a tax inspector,” said Marina tverigrad. ru.

After that, she wrote a statement. According to , the regional Investigative Committee organized a pre-investigation check, based on the results of which a procedural decision will be made.

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Hello! It seems that just recently you were happy about the birth of a child, made joint plans, and suddenly - your husband left you with your children. You are at a loss ... For you, the situation in which the husband leaves with a small child is an absolute wrongness that could not happen to your family.

The husband leaves the family with one or two children - and now the most important thing for you is to return the father to the children. Not a husband in the family - but a father to children. After all, children are the most important thing. Almost all women make this mistake.
But after all, he did not cease to be a father (whether a bad father or a good father, he is still a father). He left you, his status as a husband is changing, so it is important and necessary to focus on this.

First, I’ll tell you what the reason for this common misconception is, and what you need to do if your husband doesn’t need you and your children. What you will learn from me will help you rebuild your family if your husband left you with your children. Read it.

Why do men leave children?

Men leave their pregnant wives, leave their wives immediately after giving birth, the husband leaves the family with two children. The most striking examples that are heard: Arshavin, who left his wife with three children; actor Evgeny Tsyganov left his wife with seven children! And this list can be continued without end and edge. Why is this happening?

People are divided into men and women not only by external signs. Each group has a clearly defined pattern of behavior.

You have heard more than once, and perhaps you yourself have said to your son: “Men don’t cry,” or to your daughter: “Girls don’t behave like that.” Moreover, the smallest crumb understands what it is about.

There is an external identification, and there is an internal sense of self:

• Family: you are a woman, you are a daughter, you are a wife, you are a mother.
• Social: you are a teacher, you are an economist.
• National.
• Territorial.
• religious
  etc.

Lots of points. We will not list everything. In this case, what matters is that some social roles are more important for us than others. And here we finally come to the main idea.

For a woman, an important inner role is “I am a mother”. This does not mean that she does not want to be a beautiful woman, does not want love, or does not plan to build a career. This means that she can sacrifice all the rest of her manifestations of her "I", if necessary for the sake of children.

For a man, an important internal role is “I am a man”. This does not mean that he does not love his children or does not want a happy family. This means that he can sacrifice all the rest of his manifestations of his "I", if necessary, to preserve the feeling of being a man in the first place.

And now, very simple mathematics - as soon as a woman begins to treat her husband, basically, as the father of her children, and not as a beloved and, most importantly, desired man, a siren begins to sound inside him, warning of danger.

As a result, we see the following picture: the husband left you with the children and left, and you ...

• Wanting to establish contact with the husband who left you with the children, remind him of his fatherly duties: the children need to buy something, they need to be taken there, they do not feel well. You know that he will react exactly to this. You think that his love for children will smooth it out. If not, then move on to the next paragraph.

• Reproach him that he abandoned the children, that he is a bad father, that he left you - and not from the children, that no one removed the responsibility for their upbringing from him. You focus on his cruelty and heartlessness, etc.

• And the most extreme option is to forbid your husband to meet with the children: “If you don’t want to see me, you won’t see them either!” It hurts you and you hurt both your husband and children - for whom parents are equally important.

  These are all strategically incorrect behaviors that only make the situation worse.

What to do if the husband left with the children

Let's first define your end goal. Do you just want a man with you, even if he is unhappy next to you? Or to have a strong family and a loving spouse again?

The answer is obvious only at first glance, as voluntarily or involuntarily, women continue to manipulate children, trying to restore the family.

Yes, there is a chance that a spouse may succumb to pressure and stay with you, sacrificing their emotions for the sake of children. Only it will not be a family - although it may last your whole life. He will love children and endure you because of them. And the saddest thing is that you will feel and know it every day.

The second option is that your reproaches will only cause aggression or complete disregard. The husband will generally stop any contact with you.

He himself knows what he is. He himself knows that this is bad. Your husband, making the decision to leave you with a small child, is already internally ready for these accusations. Therefore, these reproaches are off target. You can remind him as much as you like that the most important thing is children, but this will only alienate you from each other.

Actually, he went into all serious trouble - walks, cheats, leaves precisely because his "I - Man" overpowered his "I - Father" in him.

Do you understand?

It is very important. This is the key to how to get your husband back, the key to understanding what exactly he lacks.

Howright to return the husband to the family?

If the husbandabandoned you and your childrenit can be returned! After all, in fact, a man loves his children, he wants a family, he wants comfort. But at the same time, the realization that now he is on the sidelines in the life of his woman is extremely difficult for him to perceive. And the man simply runs away from the family, instead of finding out the reasons and finding a way out.

To youWe urgently need to take matters into our own hands.

Why is it important to hurry? Most often, a man leaves a family with children for his mistress. Only a woman can give him the feeling that he is valuable in himself, that he is the main thing in someone's life. That he can still evoke emotions, desires, feel that his whole life - until the end of his days, does not consist of only one: “You must this”, “You must this”. Do you understand?

It speaks and acts "I am a Man". Now, due to various circumstances, you have “lost” a man in him, and therefore your husband is looking for a sense of the need for these qualities on the side.

As he believes, another woman understands, desires and appreciates him. Another, not you. And children can visit on weekends. After all, half the country lives like this.

And that is why we will not return the father to the children - but the beloved man to you. First you are a wife - building relationships with her husband, and only then you are a mother. As a result, you have a strong family, a loving husband, and you are sure that he is happy with you!

Understanding the reasons is only half the battle, it is especially important for you not to succumb to emotional attacks. It is difficult to stay alone with children from any side: moral, material - that's just where to get the strength and start acting. It is so?

On this page you see a video clip "How to get your husband back." Hear it!

I wrote down step by step instructions on what and how Withdo so that you can restore relations with her husband and returnfather to children.

This technique works!
Even if he already lives with another.
Even if you are already divorced.

I remind you once again - you are now returning your beloved man to the family. Let him feel it.

Now gather your attention and listen to this lesson!
With faith in you, Maria Kalinina.