The best qualities of men for harmony in marriage and not only. What qualities should a decent guy have? Relations within society. Pay attention to actions, they are always much more meaningful than words

Decency is defined as honesty, inability to immoral, low deeds. Thus, a decent person is one who has an honest character and high morality, which allows you to comply with accepted standards of behavior. The main thing in this is a conscious rejection of ungodly acts. In fact, honesty and decency mean the same thing, only honesty is narrower in meaning and mainly affects the verbal sphere, and decency is a broader definition in its meaning.

The concept of decency

In everyday life, there are also ideas about decency. For example, the decency of a man in the everyday sense often characterizes his responsibility in relation to the girl, the lack of deception on his part. The notion of decency of a girl is often interpreted as her chastity or loyalty to one partner, as well as a “right” way of life from a social point of view. Against this background, statements like "the pride of a guy - the decency of his girlfriend" became popular.

However, in fact, this concept is much broader than such a domestic sphere. Che is actually characterized by human decency?

1. This quality allows you to be sympathetic to other people, to be friendly and responsive.
2. Decency means that a person has a developed sense of justice, and she will act on the basis of this principle, even contrary to her interests.
3. Decency says that in any situation a person will act according to conscience.
4. Integrity guarantees respect from other people.
5. This feature allows you to make fair, right decisions and be responsible for them.
6. Integrity is a quality that is valued in any situation and at all times.

Decency test

In order to determine your level of decency, just pass the test. Answer all the yes or no questions. If you are at a loss, remember the last month of your life.

1. Sometimes I laugh at an indecent joke.
2. If they address me politely, I will answer the same.
3. I have financial problems.
4. Even if I do not like a person, I will rejoice at his well-deserved successes.
5. Sometimes I put off urgent matters.
6. At home and in a company, I behave differently.
7. I am free from prejudice.
8. I do not always tell the truth.
9. In any game, I strive to win.
10. Sometimes I get angry.
11. To justify myself, sometimes I invent something.
12. Sometimes I lose my temper.
13. As a child, I was obedient and immediately did what they told me.
14. Sometimes I'm annoyed.
15. It happens that I laugh at an indecent joke.
16. Sometimes I'm late.
17. Sometimes I gossip.
18. Among my friends there are those who I do not like.
19. I am not saddened by the failures of people who I do not like.
20. I happened to be late.
21. Sometimes I brag.
22. Sometimes I don’t want to do anything.
23. I have thoughts that I’m ashamed to talk about.
24. Sometimes I spoil someone's mood.
25. It happened that I was telling a lie.
26. All my habits are positive.
27. Despite everything, I will keep my promise.
28. Sometimes I can brag.
29. As a teenager, I had an interest in forbidden topics.
30. I sometimes put off until tomorrow what is important to do today.
31. I have thoughts to be ashamed of.
32. Sometimes I argue about what I know little.
33. I do not love all my friends.
34. I can say badly about someone.

Count the number of answers “yes” to the questions: 1, 3, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 , 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, and the number of answers “no” to the questions: 2, 4, 7, 13, 26, 27. Summarize the numbers and see the result.

The next type of men with whom it is difficult or impossible to build normal relations and a normal family is Don Juan. Don Juan do not want any relationship with women. They only like extremely quick seduction. Many men, of course, are interested in quick sex, but Don Juan is no longer interested in anything.

It is clear that after Don Juan achieves his goal, he very quickly loses interest in a girl (woman). And if this is really Don Juan, and not just a young man with an excess of hormones, then nothing can be done, no matter how hard the girl tries.

How to understand a man, Don Juan or not? There are not so many real Don Juans, even homegrown. However, because of their incredible activity, they can create the impression that there are almost 30% of them. How to recognize Don Juan?

Increased attention to their appearance.

This indirect and not completely accurate sign nevertheless helps to recognize Don Juan well. It can be used only in conjunction with other signs of Don Juan.

At the same time, using it, you can easily and most importantly very quickly screen out potential Don Juans from ordinary guys. Further you can already look closely, which usually takes more time.

So, the average guy, especially unmarried, by the standards of girls, pays little attention to his appearance. The maximum that the guys are capable of is to pump up or buy one expensive thing. But usually, even if there is money, then it is spent on all sorts of gadgets, trips, cars, etc.

Don Juan pays a lot of attention to appearance, because he knows that this is one of his main tools in the rapid conquest of women.

So, what does our potential Don Juan homegrown pay attention to and what are ordinary guys not paying attention to?

- dandruff on the hair. Few of the guys look at the amount of dandruff on their hair.

- crumpled shirt, pants, etc. Most ordinary guys grab the first shirt that fell under their arms, etc. Something is even stroked, but something is not.

- dirty shoes. Surprisingly, guys around the age of 30-35 very rarely wash or clean their shoes.

- the smell of sweat from the armpits, unshaven hair under the armpits. One of the most bad habits for relationships with girls is the smell of sweat. Nevertheless, many ordinary guys do not pay enough attention to this.

- the stomach in men over 30 years old. In men over 30, a stomach appears in almost 90% of cases. If he does not appear, then why? Maybe he works in some kind of structure where a high degree of sports training is required? Maybe he is a professional athlete? Maybe he is married and his wife monitors his nutrition and health? Or maybe just Don Juan.

- very small and almost invisible pieces of dirt or food on clothes. Invisible to men, of course. Women usually easily see that there are traces of fat on their trousers, although they have been carefully wiped off with a hand. Women see that there is dirt on the sleeves of the shirt, collar, etc.

- In principle, cheap clothes, even if the budget allows. Quite a lot, especially young guys, do not spend a lot of money on good clothes, even if income allows.

- hair from ears and nose. No comments.

- unevenly trimmed or even groomed nails on the hands and feet, etc. Too many men trim their nails somehow. There are those who take care of themselves and do it carefully or even go to the manicure (pedicure) master.

I have listed several basic signs by which you can understand a man and determine whether a man is following him more than usual or not. I repeat that this is not yet a 100% sign of Don Juan. It is necessary to look in conjunction with other signs. However, at least - this is a sign in order to take a closer look at a man and check it for compliance on other issues.

It is possible, of course, that the work associated with constant communication and the need to influence people led the man to the need to pay attention to his appearance.

However, usually even in this case there is some mismatch. For example, if there is a need to lead people, then good clothes (suit), hairstyle, confidence can be developed, but at the same time there can be a stomach, an un pumped figure, since this does not affect the ability to lead people. Speaking of how to become more confident, read the book “HOW TO BECOME CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF IN 3 MONTHS” The methodology for developing confidence in this book is suitable for both boys and girls.

Conversely, there may be sportiness due to work requirements (law enforcement agencies, a trainer, etc.), but do not pay attention to the rest.

Don Juan, as a rule, pays attention to everything that is important for girls. (It depends, of course, on the level of Don Juan. There are hard workers Don Juan, there are Top managers, but there is only one principle).

I must say right away that if a man is married or has been married for a long time, then he can monitor his appearance quite well (or rather, his wife usually follows). Therefore, it is likely that a well-groomed man is not Don Juan in the truest sense of the word, but simply married.

The second sign that will help you recognize Don Juan is a smooth courtship, especially at the initial stage. (Acquaintance and the first two dates)

I probably won’t tell you a big secret if I say that the vast majority of men who even had a dozen or more women before marriage do not know how to care for women. What to say about those ordinary guys who just had a few girls (or none at all).

After all, seduction and courtship are rarely taught. It is assumed that a guy or a man himself will somehow learn everything, just by communicating with the girls. And in principle, this is justified to some extent.

It is “Somehow” the average guy, of whom 90% knows how to care for a girl.

And if in detail:

Firstly, he does not monitor his appearance. (What about above)

Secondly, during courtship pauses constantly appear, the duration of which is clearly higher than usual comfortable communication. This means that the man does not know what to say (or something blurted out, but it did not work).

Thirdly, a man behaves like an idiot. That is, it tells completely idiotic stories. His jokes are not funny, life stories are not interesting. He climbs to cuddle either too early or too late. He does not know how to compliment a girl. May even appear on a first date without flowers.

Another thing is a person who has already mastered everything. This in our example may be just Don Juan-homegrown. (although not always)

Don Juan usually has a normal appearance. But this is not even the main thing. The main thing is the smoothness of courtship.

Everything is worked out enough and therefore goes without pauses. There are funny stories (for women). A man knows how to file himself. He can say a good compliment. He can show that he is sure. It is clear that he will not come on a date without flowers or a gift.

I repeat that this symptom (smoothness of courtship) cannot be considered separately from others. It is possible that a man from childhood had a pronounced sanguine character (he was very sociable, etc.)

But for the vast majority of ordinary men, the smoothness of courtship is not peculiar. Of course, then, as the girls and the guy get used to each other, as they develop common topics for communication and knowledge of each other's character, the smoothness of communication will develop.

However, I am talking more about the first meeting and the maximum of the first two dates. If, at the first meeting and on the first two dates, a man’s courtship is skillful and everything goes as it should, then it’s very likely that the man is a local Don Juan .

Once again I will repeat those signs by which we can judge the smoothness of courtship.

— The presence of almost a dating script on a first date. That is, a man does not mumble something slurred like "The weather is nice, so give me your phone.", and can easily tell a story in a topic, talk, laugh and invite on a date.

I repeat, an ordinary standard man cannot do this without training. Depending on his age and experience with girls, he will moo, stupid, be rude (sometimes without noticing it), look greedy (although this is not necessary).

— The fulfilled program on dates.

An ordinary man does not really know what to do on his first dates. He offers a movie, a cafe, then go to his house, then something else. Don Juan has a more or less worked out program of action.

On the first date, he is unlikely to offer you a peek at his home and a drink of wine. (Unless the girl is really easy prey) He is unlikely to fuss with obscure suggestions on how to conduct a date (and then the cafe is closed, but there are no tickets to the cinema).

He almost certainly has a program or, for more experienced Don Juans, several action programs. All worked out. He knows where to climb a skyscraper, he feels at home in nightclubs, he knows where to ride a boat with a girl. He knows what words and compliments you want to hear. (You can continue the list yourself)

- Proven sequence of actions.

An ordinary man constantly gets lost in sequence. Then he is in a hurry and tries to climb with his own hands wherever needed. That girl is ready, but he does nothing.

More or less experienced Don Juan does everything on time.

- Spent stories, jokes.

The fact is that even among relatively sociable men who do not pay attention to Don Juanism, conversations are tuned to men. Their stories and jokes are more funny to men.

And when these stories are told to girls, then the girls do not laugh at least, but as a maximum they might think that the man is at odds with the mind (if they do not play along, of course, for some reason).

More experienced men who communicate with girls a lot and successfully remove from their repertoire stories and anecdotes that are not funny to girls and do not cause their interest.

Therefore, if all or almost all the stories of a man arouse interest in you (as well as nearby girls) and laughter, then chances are that you have Don Juan.

So, the smoothness of courtship - this is one of the best signs of Don Juan homegrown. If you can recognize this smoothness, then you will easily identify Don Juan.

I will draw a small analogy. For example, several men gathered and began to throw a basketball into the basket. Someone does not hit at all (inexperienced man, in our analogy), someone gets better. And suddenly you see that there is a man who gets into the basket with the ball almost always, in different positions, from far and near.

It is clear that this man is engaged in basketball and quite intensively. After all, no one has the innate skill of hitting the ball in the basket.

So in the relationship of man and woman. There are no men with inherent good courtship skills for women. If suddenly you see such a man, it means that he has learned such skills somewhere. The question is where? Of course, such a skill can be improved at some psychology courses or training in front of a mirror. However, a good skill can only be through courting a large number of women and some sort of practice, analysis of the skill. (Don Juan essentially)

Do not think that I recommend you to meet a man who does not have any communication skills with girls at all. It can be quite complicated and may soon get tired. But too good skills, smooth courtship - this is a strong sign that the man is Don Juan.

Look for other signs. If they are present to one degree or another, then this is not even an assumption, but almost 100% conclusion.

One of the main signs of Don Juan is that they are psychologically immature. (either infantile or prone to tough manipulation)

But without this symptom, all of the above may not indicate that the man is Don Juan, but that he is under an excess of hormones (youth or even at an older age), that he is by virtue of something (innate beauty, confidence, money) too spoiled by women, but not Don Juan. That is, you can make a mistake, sometimes costly, on the basis of only two signs.

Therefore, I suggest you first think about whether your acquaintance has the first two signs. (too much attention to their appearance, smoothness of courtship). Only then can you look at psychological immaturity.

How to distinguish between extremely infantile men and men prone to tough manipulations, you can read in separate articles How to recognize a male manipulator and what to do? and How to identify the manipulator? (Part 2)

But if very briefly, it could be:

- Excessive selfishness.

That is, a man does not want (can not) do anything for you. He does not listen to what you tell him (pretends to be listening, and then again about his). He spends money only on himself.

- Unethicality, manifested in one form or another.

- Dependence on someone.

- A clear evasion of even minor assistance to the girl. (For example, immediately busy, as soon as you need to help do something)

This, perhaps, can be finished.

To summarize a short summary. Don Juan - these are men with whom, due to the characteristics of their psyche, it is almost impossible to build normal long-term relationships. Even if the girl is the best, well versed in the psychology of men, the most beautiful and most intelligent, this will not stop the real Don Juan. (How many wolves do not feed, he still looks into the forest). The maximum that you can do is to identify them in time and refuse to communicate with him.

In principle, in the book “23 Errors in Relations with Men,” I spoke in detail about Don Juan, and about psychopaths, and about manipulators, and other types of men. Buy and read.

Sincerely, Rashid Kirranov.

A decent person causes only positive emotions. It's nice to talk with him, it's nice to look at him, they trust him.

Determine whether a decent person is your boyfriend, looking at his actions. Words overshadow the eyes, and a person seems worthy, but the veil subsides and appears before you, able to tell fairy tales beautifully.

So how to determine the decency of a guy at the beginning of a relationship? What qualities does he possess? This word is capacious and includes a lot of virtuous qualities and positive characteristics.

Let’s figure out where is the line that separates a decent act from dishonorable. What character traits, a guy should possess personal qualities, so that his actions do not cause even a shadow of doubt about what kind of person he is.

Decency - what is it?

Despite the fact that already psychologists, figures and others interpreted decency, focusing on the field of human occupation, this concept is very subjective.

Everyone can characterize the decency of a person, based on their own views, life experience, personal qualities.

The main characteristic of the concept is human honesty, which is on par with generally accepted social norms of behavior. In other words, such a person complies with all established moral, state and other laws of society. He does not allow himself to commit vicious, low deeds that run counter to accepted norms.

This is not an innate quality of a person, but an acquired one. Its development is influenced by the surrounding society, parents, teachers. Not the last role is played by television, read books, friends and acquaintances.

But even if life circumstances were such that a person growing up did not have an example of behavior before his eyes, he himself, if desired, could become such a person. Work is not easy, because it is not enough to control actions, you need to learn, and most importantly thoughts.

A decent guy - what is he?

Consider the features inherent in such a guy. The list is far from complete, a lot depends on the nature, situations and other aspects of life.

1. Honesty. It is logical that a dishonorable guy can not be decent. Indeed, honesty characterizes a person on the positive side. This trait is. Knowing that an honest guy, without fear, trust the innermost. Those who possess this quality become a strong support in the family, creating happiness and comfort around them.

1. Nobility. This trait gives the guy bright impulses and pure thoughts. At all times, great things have been done by noble people. Noble guys - good nature, which is inherent in the service of good intentions and intentions. These guys are valiant and honest, they, not thinking about their own benefit and well-being, go to the rescue if they are sure that the goal meets moral standards.

1. Generosity. The guy is not greedy or greedy. Generosity allows people, regardless of their financial situation, to lend a helping hand to disadvantaged, unprotected and lonely people. And if someone needs a benefactor, he will become a foothold for him.

1. Justice. This character trait helps to understand any situation. The guy will not offend oppressed people, he will get to the bottom in order to understand the person’s position. Whether it is positive or negative is difficult to judge. It is often difficult for fair people to see the truth, often they are led by the nose. But, if the guy is sure that the injured party is right, then he will do everything to help him.

1. Optimism. Yes, these guys are not hearsay, they live by conscience, believe in a bright and good future and know that evil will be punished. Thanks to optimism, these guys are free from the negative side of life, this trait helps them to be honest,.

1. Modesty. Even if a guy has only positive qualities, everyone likes it, without exception, he does not boast about it. The same character trait can become a kind of brake in achieving the goal, because it is not inherent in stubborn people who go over their heads in order to achieve the desired results.

1. Fidelity. The guy must possess this trait. This means loyalty to the girl, and business, people, all that and what he does. The guy does not even have the thought of whether to keep him faithful or not, this is for granted.

1. Caring. A man lives in society and is surrounded by people, such a guy takes care of close people. If he is not able to lend a helping hand, this is a guy, no more.

1. Cheerfulness. A man who loves people and life in all its manifestations cannot but be cheerful. And, for the feeling of happiness, the guy does not need external manifestations at all, this is his essence. He is able to enjoy not only material wealth, successes of his beloved people, but also perception of life, life. Being next to a cheerful guy, you will feel how in your soul love awakens for everything that surrounds you. Such people have many friends, they are always in the center of the company, but at the same time they do not boast about it.

1. Courage. The positive qualities of a guy would not be complete without courage. Can a cowardly man be called worthy? A brave man is not able to betray in a difficult situation, saving his own skin. The bold is able to achieve his goal without causing damage to the people around him.

1. Punctuality. Such a guy is not late for no reason. And even if urgent circumstances arise, he will solve them or at least warn about his delay in advance. This character trait helps to achieve a lot in life, it guarantees a clear daily routine, so that all matters are resolved easily and naturally.

1. Politeness. The guy doesn’t communicate like a “gopnik”. He is polite and courteous. He does not allow himself rude expressions, evil statements, it is not difficult for him to ask and talk with all people politely, regardless of the situation.

If your boyfriend has these qualities, if the words do not diverge from actions. If you see that there are always a lot of people around him who love him, who trust him. You know, you have found a rare instance - a decent guy.

How does sympathy for a man arise?

The first thing any woman pays attention to is appearance. In a few seconds we scan a man who has fallen into the field of vision, noting to himself how he is dressed, shod, how it smells, shaved, and combed his hair. If, from an aesthetic point of view, everything suits us, we put a “tick” in front of the phrase “seems to fit”. And we begin to perceive the man “by ear”, that is, we evaluate what he says and how. And observe - evaluate how a man behaves in society. And here, at this stageit is very important not to rush and listen carefully and watch!

The key to success of future happiness is alreadyin the early stages of a relationship, determine whether the intended partner is capable of experiencing the highest moral feelings - conscience, sympathy, compassion and honesty.

Sometimes it’s not easy!

Example:

Lera met Victor at a friends birthday. A common feast, slow dances to romantic music, a walk under the night moon immediately brought them together. A week after meeting Lera called Victor her man. He smiled indulgently in response.

In principle, Lera was pleased with her gentleman. True, Victor could not keep his promises, be late for a date or not come at all. But Lera attributed this to character traits that are unlikely to seriously overshadow their relationship. It didn’t alarm her that Victor could yell at the woman in the bus, who had hit him with his elbow. And even when it turned out that Victor could not repay the debt to the husband of the same friend whom they met, Lera did not sound the alarm. “He loves me,” she shrugged proudly. “And the rest doesn’t bother me.”

When Victor, after six months of courtship suddenly stopped communicating, Lera sobbed offendedly and perplexedly: “What a scoundrel he is! If I knew..".

But she knew! I just didn’t want to notice!

From the first days, Lena convincingly lied to herself that everything was perfect. That she is her fate. Lena was so eager to quickly close the “question of the search for the second half” that she turned a blind eye to Viktor’s dishonesty in all its manifestations, justifying the situation by all means, and not even comparing the strengths and weaknesses of the chosen one (since he did not particularly demonstrate advantages, and justify him directly there was nothing banal), but independently attributed to him,imaginary attitude to her. Lena, being a noble and decent man, really did not want to believe that not everyone in the world was equally noble. She did not want to admit to herself that Victor was a decent bastard. A fictional fairy tale seemed very beautiful.

Such behavior is very characteristic of a modern, highly moral woman who has not lost faith in people. Guided by the stereotype “must be married, because if you are sorted by men, you’re somehow wrong,” and even fueled by emotions and physiological processes characteristic of the initial period of relations, women at the very beginning of the path either consciously or unconsciously close their eyes to manifestations of dishonesty on the part of men. Or they simply do not have practical knowledge of how to determine the true essence of a man whose courtship they accept.

To the question asked in the forehead: "Is he a decent person?" - we will hear either a confident "yes" or a blurry "in relation to me - yes." While the reasonable, calm and wise answer, “I hope so, but I can’t say that, since we have known each other for a short time,” we are hardly lucky to hear. And of course, we are unlikely to hear “no,” since a mentally inconsistent person or a woman led by a cold cynical calculation can consciously go into a relationship with a villain.

Psychologists, psychologists, common sense tells us to connect our lives withnoble and decent by people. In the long run not a single dishonorable man can make any woman happy for long. What is called, by definition. When we say “dishonorable,” we don’t mean a man with correctable imperfections, such as sloppiness or everyday laziness. We mean a man deprived of the highest moral qualities, such as conscience, sympathy, compassion and honesty, that is, a man who shows signs psychopathy . And if you can properly analyze the behavior of a man, know the principles of psychology, that is, know what to look at and how to interpret what you saw, you can easily guess who was next to you, what is the system of his values \u200b\u200band whether it exists at all.

The principle of four repetition

Imagine you have an internal counter, and n before judging a character of man , mentally add one, noticing actions whichs replayare more than four times . Analyze the behavior of the person you are observing, and track the number of repetitions of the patterns of behavior that your potential partner chooses for himself in more or less similar situations.

So, a very indicative sign for nature is the desire or unwillingness to take revenge on the offender. If you notice that revenge has appeared four times or more, keep in mind. Before you most likelypsychopath - a person who is dominated by a feeling of anger and cruelty (since revenge is always associated with the manifestation of cruelty and even with the manifestation of violence). A person whose personality is governed by love, tolerance and generosity will aim for forgiveness. Yes, he may merge with the offender, he may even resort to revenge (and often regret it later), but these will be one-time rather than repeated situations. ANDif a person takes revenge four times,he will take revenge at any opportunity and enjoy it. It is quite possible that one day you and your child will be angry with him. Are you ready to consciously become the object of revenge on a cruel person? I don’t think so.

The essence of the human soul is most truly manifested in crisis situations. No wonder there is a saying that a friend is in trouble! It is extremely significant tohow does a person behave when he needs to make a difficult life choice. Does he take the position of unhealthy egoism and acts exclusively in his own interests, and chooses a path that contradictsthe interests of everyone else. Or, in his actions, the idea of \u200b\u200bcaring not only about himself, but also about the environment is embedded. Bin the crisis, a man in the countryside will give up personal gain for the well-being of loved ones.

In this respect, the behavior of some men against the background of the flood in x was very revealing. Crimean (Krasnodar Territory). When some men fled, abandoning everyone and everything, including their own families. And others, on the contrary, returned again and again to the occupied apartment buildings, collecting and transporting people. Even strangers. Even those with whom they were in a quarrel yesterday.

Relations within society. Pay attention to actions, they are always much more meaningful than words

Noble,decent personu is important and appreciates not only their own comfort and peace, but equally protects and appreciates the attitudes of the society in which he lives. Pay attention tohow your chosen one relates to strangers. Does he respectfully communicate with attendants in a cafe, shop or line. AToutbreaks of aggression or rudeness - unequivocal reason beware. Because a man who can be rude to an outside woman will later be rude to the one next to him.

Small household troubles that do not concern a person personally reveal the nature very well. For example, banal assistance to a driver who is stuck on a car’s road. You can drive past, but you can go out and help. As a rule, such situations do not take up a lot of time, and yes, you can pass by once, because “once”, you can do the second, but when your chosen one regularly ignores these kinds of victims, he also allows himself to make derogatory remarks from the series “it's my fault ", Keep in mind, one day he may begin to relate to you in the same way. Because such disrespect for others is characteristic of him as a whole, and not of grief-drivers in particular. And this must be understood very soberly. Such people show respect only where they seek personal gain. They are not capable of disinterested manifestation of positive feelings, if at all capable of feeling (as is the case with psychopaths). Such a person will show or pretend that he shows love, affection and a desire to help only as long as it is beneficial to him, while you give him something that is necessary for him, such as sex or money or a roof over his head. As soon as his need decreases, the incentive to show his best side in such people evaporates. By connecting your life with the person who is guided by the calculation, you run the risk of once realizing that you have been trivially used.

Constancy and fidelity. Will your love boat break apart?

Potential tendency to treason, social and spiritual inconstancy can also be determined by indirect signs. Not always, but very often an excessive need forvariety (in a varied meal, frequent trips to new places, new entertainment and thrills) indicates that the state of calm measured life such aman will be hard to bear. The higher your companion’s need for new emotions, adventures and thrills, the greater the chance that sexual and social, such as comradely,faithful awn him unusual. He's bored. He will always demand the continuation of the banquet. Yes, in some this can pass with age. Others will be able to control the constant desire to “change the picture”, manage it and even include their partner in the process of searching for new impressions, for example, traveling with you. But the fact remains, constancy for such people is a difficult choice.

To understand whether the person you are faithful to has met, you must try to objectively assess the degree of his readiness for the routine phenomena of life. Ask if he was diligent at school. Find out if he has hobbies and how often he changed them. Ask your potential partner if he loves parties. He is fond of extreme sports. Carefully ask, if it is convenient, how long his relationship with your predecessors lasted. This is very valuable information, on the basis of which it is easy to judge, the person is so permanent.

Aggression

The level of temper and, as a consequence, aggression can also be recognized by observing a person from the side. Very informative processes in which a large number of participants are involved, focused on themselves and their line of behavior, that is, non-team social processes. For example, you will learn a lot about your companion by observing him as a participant in public traffic. See how he drives. If you are nervous, swears, jerks from row to row, tries to be the first at the traffic light, "cuts" neighboring cars, you can say with a 99% probability that in family life he will behave in exactly the same way. Here is a quick-tempered, hot, aggressive person for whom the environment is second-class people. The attitude towards them will be appropriate.

Criticism and perfectionism. Excessive demands on yourself and others

In hell for perfectionists, there is neither fire nor a line of evil. There, only slightly asymmetrically, chipped boilers stand.

Try to pay attention to howcriticalperson in relationto myself andto others. It is quite possible behind the desire to bring everything to perfection - this is just a mask behind which excessive perfectionism is hiding. And constant criticism of everything around is an indicatorlow self esteem and self-doubt.

After all, who is a perfectionist? In fact, it’schild unloved in childhood who had to achieve parental love with ideal homework, cleanly washed floors and impeccably carved crafts. Growing up, perfectionists, who, alas, have not found another way of recognition, continue to strive for ideality and demand ideality from a person who is close by. Sometimes the perfectionist’s desire for the ideal turns relationships into torture. Because they can exert enormous psychological pressure on a partner, justifying their actions with noble at first glance statements from the series “I just want it to be beautiful / right / perfect.” Perfectionists and critics are constantly trying to "improve" their family members, gradually inspiring them with the idea that before that they are "not good enough." And although it is possible to fight the manifestations of hyperperfectionism, it is very difficult.

Decency

The attitude of a decent person to the people around him is based onthe principle of mutual exchange - "you can’t only take or only give." Natura, whose life rules lie in this plane, will always repay debts, will not be afraid to borrow money, if close people have a need for it. He will not only accept help, but also show an independent desire to help, that is, the balance of egoism and altruism in a decent person is almost perfect.

Also about how decent a person your companion is can be judged by his fidelity to the word. Decent people either keep their promises, or do not give them at all. This also includes mercenary lies. If you have witnessed a lie that your relationship partner exhorts someone from your environment, be on the alert! Most likely, he will also lie inside his own family.

Vulnerability

Power vulnerabilitya partner is determined by how a person reacts to taunts addressed to him - indifferently or painfully cringing.

It is clear that one should not be offended and that one who is nearby should be protected if he is not able to defend himself. For example, a man standing up for a woman calls for approval and support. However, there are situations when no one planned to attack, but the man himself came up with and was offended. The excessive vulnerability of one of the partners sometimes results in a state of constant tension in a couple, since there is a constant fear in the air to say something “wrong” to such a sissy and get another scandal with elements of hysteria. And sometimes even an innocent joke can serve as a signal to resentment. Very well the level of vulnerability manifests itself when a person is in the spotlight. Allow yourself a bold joke about your partner, and by how adequate his reaction will be, you can judge his vulnerability.

Vulnerability, in turn, is closely adjacent to what a person has self-esteem. In order to evaluate the chosen one by this criterion, one must follow his reaction to praise. WITHseems thank you and smiles - a sign of healthy self-esteem, will begin to make excuses and assure that there’s nothing to praise him for or will smugly brow, taking kind words for granted - signs of low self-esteem. Is it necessary to say that in a life together it is easier to communicate and negotiate with people with normal self-esteem? Because people with low self-esteem are characterized by resentment, temper, and perfectionism. And in relationships they most often need a nanny whose life purpose is to feel sorry and help the innocent victim of life circumstances. And people with high self-esteem do not need a wife, but a fan. People with an abnormal level of self-esteem resist building partnerships, preventing their partner from becoming one step with them. They need to stand either a little lower or a little higher. In both cases, the one who is pointed out which step to take is more affected. In healthy relationships, people are on the same level and do not try to consciously or even unconsciously manipulate each other.

Defining person's character, then it’s useful to find out what the intended partner has life goals, interests, what he wants to get from a relationship. Therefore, communicating is important keep silent moreask more questions listen and watch! It is especially important to pay attention to the contradictions in your views on life and in the system of yours and his values, because conflicts in this area will manifest themselves sooner or later. And do not rush to justify the cavalier you like by closing your eyes to the emerging flaws. Remember, everything that your chosen one does in relation to the environment, he will later broadcast in your union, in relation to you and your children!

Well, at the same time, do not forget about objectivity! If a person has shown certain signs of deviation from the norm, for example, a short temper has appeared, this does not mean that the relationship must be put an end to! There are no ideal people, but all have flaws. It’s just that in some cases they are insignificant and amenable to correction, while in others they are incorrigible and definitely destructive. For example, the same temper in itself is just a character trait, not a reason to run away from a man. A person may have a hot temperament, be impulsive, but he will never allow himself to be aggressive in relation to a woman. It is one thing to fervently criticize a politician on television, and another is to raise a voice for family members.

How to find this line between a slight roll towards abnormality and a complete lack of chances for a healthy partnership, read in the following chapters of the book “Illusions in Relationships”.