How to wean a child from crying manipulation. Little manipulators: advice for parents who follow the child's lead

There are several ways of emotional impact of a teenager on adults, and often parents follow the lead of their growing up child. However, it is easy to recognize these manipulations and stop them at the very beginning, without bringing the situation to conflict.

Since the purpose of manipulation is to evoke certain feelings, it is on them that attention should be focused. Most often, trying to defend their independence, adolescents tend to cause fear, shame, anger, guilt or helplessness in their parents, directing a stream of negative emotions to them. How does this happen?

Fear

Natural fear for the life and safety of your child is the most powerful feeling that in most cases a teenager uses to achieve his goals. Indeed, such statements of the child as “I will leave home”, “”, “Throw myself under the car”, “I will steal and go to prison”, etc., logically should have an effect on any adequate parent. And in most cases, it works.

Shame

The desire to cause shame in parents is nothing more than a fairly widespread manipulation, expressed in the following claims: “In our class, everyone can do it - only I can’t”; “Look, the neighbors have children walking around as long as they want, and I, as a little boy, have to be at home at nine in the evening”; "Normal parents understand their children." There are many options here, but all of them are aimed at convincing adults that they are bad parents and making them make concessions.

Anger

Usually, anger is a short-term feeling that quickly passes after the source of the irritation is removed. The psyche is not able to withstand this powerful negative for a long time, and a person is ready to do anything to get rid of it. Teenagers also use this manipulation tool very often: they begin persistently and tediously to pester their parents with their demands, and adults eventually give up. It is not for nothing that they say that a drop wears away a stone, and manipulators are well aware of this.

Wines

Often teenagers get their way by forcing their parents to experience. There can be many reasons for this: insufficient material security; workload, due to which little time is given to the child; divorce of parents; not a prestigious school and much more. But all these accusations contain the same message: if you are guilty - correct yourself. And the parents, feeling guilty before the child, try to "correct themselves": they take out expensive gadgets on credit; allow the teenager to visit nightclubs and spend the night with friends, etc. In a word, they make any concessions so as not to feel guilty.

The result of all these artificially induced feelings is the helplessness of parents in front of a teenager. This is exactly what the manipulator is trying to achieve: to induce a state of powerlessness in parents and the realization that they can no longer influence their child.

How to resist teenage manipulation

First of all, you need to understand the mechanism of occurrence of manipulations and distinguish them from the usual emotional outburst. It's one thing when a child in his hearts says hurtful words to his parents, but after a while, having cooled down, he apologizes for his rudeness. It is quite different when a teenager is deliberately rude in pursuit of a specific goal.

You need to control your emotions and not be led by the manipulator. Calmly explain to your child that there are no ideal people, but this is not a reason for rudeness and irresponsible behavior. A teenager, seeing your calmness and equanimity in response to his rudeness and accusations, will understand that it is useless to manipulate you.

If you do not want your child to manipulate you, do not use similar methods in family communication. Remember that children copy the style and demeanor of their parents.

Teach your child for your words and your behavior by example. If you yourself do not violate your obligations and agreements, then you have the right to demand the same from the teenager. When adopting family rules, agree that they cannot be ignored, but can be discussed and, if necessary, adjusted. As you push the boundaries of your teen's personal freedom, remember to remind him of responsibility. The behavior of adults should not create problems for loved ones.

By understanding the causes of adolescent manipulation and the mechanism of their effect, you can exclude them from your communication with your child and retain the warmth, trust and mutual respect that were between you before.

Svetlana Zharkova

It is very unpleasant when a child manipulates adults. Children are very good at manipulating adults through their own various methods, but this is fundamentally wrong, because after all, who should educate whom ?! Children of parents or parents of children? So let's figure out what manipulation is. And what to do when the child is manipulating the parents.

Children manipulate adults

What is manipulation in general? Manipulation in children is the influence on parents or adults by covered, implicit methods. Children are very cunning in their actions, and do not hesitate, they are insidious and capable of achieving their goal by any means 🙂 If parents are "led" to such manifestations of character, then this brings up in a child, no matter a boy or a girl, such character traits as:

Cunning
Meanness
Hypocrisy

Not at all pleasant character traits, is it? It seems that no parent wants to see a scoundrel in their child. Let's figure out where children's manipulations come from and what to do if the child is manipulating. We'll figure it out at the same time.

Where does child manipulation come from and how do children manipulate their parents?

Most often, children who do not receive care and affection from adults are prone to manipulation by their parents. Thus, through manipulation, the child tries to attract attention to himself and it does not matter in what ways. The child manipulates crying or stories that something hurts him. In a word, by hook or by crook, the child will seek attention from adults. Moreover, if the trick worked, the child, consciously or unconsciously, will repeat over and over again the actions that led to the achievement of the desired attention from the parents.

Up to the point that the child will hurt over and over again, or hurt his forehead. All this happens in a childish way, unconsciously, but for the future it leaves a very significant imprint on the psyche of an adult. In addition, manipulation transforms the child's psyche so much that it leads to sharp outbursts of aggression and hatred, if suddenly the trick fails. That is, the problem of parental manipulation of the child must be solved as soon as possible.

What if the child is manipulating?

First, let's figure it out: how to recognize a manipulation? If you observe that a child in a certain situation behaves systematically in the same way, up to movements and facial expressions, then this is manipulation. Moreover, if all the "symptoms" go away immediately after achieving the desired. And now the most difficult thing: in order to get rid of such an unpleasant ailment, you need to completely kill in yourself the feeling of pity for the baby. Nobody talks about cruelty and indifference! Not! Replace pity with love. Say kind words to your child, show affection, prove to your child that he is worth something and is respected in his family. ... Feeling such love and attention for oneself over a long period, day after day, manipulations by the child towards adults will become obsolete and useless. Below, point by point, we will specifically figure out how to counteract manipulation by a child.

How to behave when the child is manipulating the parents?

How to deal with hysterics.
Hysterics is the most common way for children to achieve what they want, but if you talk to your child calmly, I show a share of indifference. The main thing is to keep yourself in control, because this is what the child is trying to achieve: to piss you off. and arranges a tantrum, you can even move away from the child for a while in order to put your nerves in order without crying, and then try to talk. Most likely, during your absence, the child will calm down himself.
Aggression.
When a child shows aggression or irritability - the purpose of such a performance is to show the parents a performance in which, after the curtain, you will have to indulge all his cherished desires. Output? Deprive the child of the audience, that is, yourself. In other words, let the child understand that his “performance” does not interest you in any way, seeing that the scene did not come out, the child himself will abandon the idea of \u200b\u200bmanipulating in this way.
Slowness.
Being "kapusha" is a way to manipulate parents. The purpose of such manipulation is to make it clear to adults that they would do the same job or a certain action faster than waiting for a child. The logic here is simple: set a clear time frame for the child. For example, say that if he does not have time to do something, he will be left without a walk. By the way, as an option, the child can, for example, dress for a long time, hoping that the parents will leave him alone and will not lead him to the kindergarten. Make it clear to the child that he will still have to go, even with a delay. It is very important to counteract slowness to show your child that you will faithfully keep your promises. That is, if you said, for example, that the child will be left without breakfast, if he does not have time to do something, then really do it.
Injury.
Of course, this method of manipulation is the most unpleasant for a child, but he is even ready for this in order to gain the attention of adults. The toddler may deliberately or subconsciously inflict pain on himself in order to arouse the compassion and attention of the parents. Behave immediately with restraint, making it clear to the child that nothing irreparable and terrible has happened. Keep positive, praise the child that he pulled himself together so quickly, if he fell, immediately say kindly “Come on, get up,” praise the child for his courage. You will say this favorably on a child in the future.

I would like to say a separate thing about when the child is ready for any manipulation, just to get to the computer. And the result of manipulation by the child can be a conflict between parents, when the behavior of a son or daughter is perceived in completely different ways, up to a quarrel. Therefore, you can read about that, or your husband. Forewarned is forearmed!

Summing up, I would like to note that the manipulations of the parents' children cause harm, first of all, to the children, rooting negative attitudes in the psyche of the baby. We hope our article helped you understand what to do if the child is manipulating the mother. Therefore, I want to say once again that in a difficult period of the child, maintain a positive attitude, making it clear that everything depends on the child, that he is the master of his own destiny and has the responsibility and strength to solve any problems. As a rule, the most difficult period for a toddler and child is one that should be given special attention.

Reading 7 min. Views 1.6k. Posted on 28.06.2019

Most psychologists claim that any attempts by a child to achieve what he wants with the help of hysteria and manipulation by his parents should be stopped by stopping communication with him for a while. It is enough just to leave the room to make it clear that the method he has chosen does not work.

But how to deal with a manipulator? After all, it is important to react correctly in each specific situation so as not to ignore a real request for help.

An example of explicit manipulation

Imagine the situation. She will vividly illustrate the behavior of a manipulator child.

A 4-year-old girl came with her mother to a supermarket and insistently demands to buy her favorite doll. Mom refuses, calmly explains to the baby that she does not have such an opportunity now. And at this moment the real performance begins. The child cries, screams at the whole room, rolls his eyes, falls to the floor and refuses to get up.

Mom silently goes to the checkout, pay for the planned purchases. Hysteria is ignored. Other buyers are at a loss, do not know how to react. The store consultant tells them that such a concert happens regularly. Mom always wins this battle. This happens this time too. The girl calms down instantly as soon as she notices that her mother is not around. Rises and runs after her.

In this case, there is no doubt that there is a clear attempt at manipulation by the child. There are a lot of similar examples, many of us have encountered similar, even if our own children do not allow such behavior. This case clearly confirms the correctness of psychologists. The girl did not achieve her goal: no reaction from her mother, no lectures, no gift.

Children's manipulations: causes and signs

In this way, not only children act, adults often show their kids how effective this approach can be by example.

"Do you love me? Help your grandmother in the garden. "

“Do you want a chocolate bar? Take away the scattered toys. "

“Baby don't cry! Then I'll buy a car. "

Children absorb this behavior program practically from birth.

Just as parents manipulate the behavior of their children, they, in turn, actively “learn from experience”.

In any case, it is very important to recognize manipulation attempts as early as possible. It depends on how quickly and relatively painlessly for the nervous system of the whole family.

The main reasons for manipulation in children

A person's desire to get things done with minimal effort is normal. At the same time, it is important to clearly argue your point of view, take responsibility for your actions, and have opportunities for active actions to achieve a result.

In children, all available means are severely limited. There are desires, but as a rule, it is not possible to convey your idea and "push through" the idea.

At the same time, it is very difficult for most kids to accept a situation when the goal is not available in the near future. They quickly understand that adults react sharply to certain situations.

They get upset and nervous when their baby does not make contact. They are ashamed if their child arranges a public hysteria. As a result, they offer a deal. "You do what I need, and I give you peace of mind, I become an exemplary child."

It can be argued that the main reason for successful manipulation is that children are looking for a way to control their parents.

But at the same time, it is much easier for the older generation to satisfy the whim of the child than to make efforts to correct the situation. Many parents prefer it simply, without revealing the true motives of their behavior.

Signs of manipulation

Cry. The most common way to manage parents. Babies make such a conclusion based on their own experience, which was formed from birth. He cried - they took him on handles, fed him, gave him a toy. But in this case, it is important to immediately determine the true reasons for crying. It's one thing when a child is crying because he was offended in the yard, or he fell and hit his knee. It is completely different when with tears and sobbing he reinforces his demands.
Competition between parents. The situation when one of the parents tries to earn the child's love by permissiveness is quite common.
Hysterics. In order to understand that loud screaming, howling, rolling eyes, falling to the floor, frighten and upset parents to such an extent that they are ready to meet halfway, it is enough to have their own experience or watching another child. A random scene outside and your little one may decide to try the same. What if it works out? If it works, it will be extremely difficult to convince otherwise.
Attachment. Shows of love, hugs, kisses to get what you want. In this situation, it is important to respond correctly: to reciprocate all manifestations of sympathy. But when, after that, the child voices a request, if you consider it necessary to refuse, do it calmly and reasonably. It is important to explain the reason and not in any way connect your decision and the manifestation of sympathy.
Indicative offense. Unwillingness to talk, pouting lips, lack of response to attempts to discuss a situation is a common way of manipulation. Children manipulators 2-4 years old use it especially often, press on pity.
Starvation. The child starts a cold war with his parents. They refuse to perform their usual duties, argue to the point of hoarseness on the slightest reason, and are unhappy with everything that happens around.
Simulation of the disease. Most parents are ready to fulfill the slightest wishes of the baby if he is not feeling well. In order not to go to kindergarten and spend the whole day at the computer, children can often simulate a headache, weakness, and stay in bed.

How to deal with manipulation

To effectively resist manipulation, it is important to understand and, if possible, eliminate its cause. The tactics of behavior directly depend on the actions of the child. For example, many children try to put pressure on their helplessness in order not to learn something (dressing, tying their shoelaces, brushing their teeth).

The slow should set a clear time frame, the helpless "blackmailer" should be patiently taught to perform the necessary actions. It can be helpful to repeat them often enough that they are easier to do straight away than continuing to train.

Many are baffled by the question of how to cope with a child who mimics the disease. It is impossible not to pay attention in any case. Therefore, only one solution can be advised. If you have any complaints, consult a doctor. No self-medication.

As a result, you are reinsured and do not miss possible symptoms of deterioration of health, and in the case of simulation, the doctor will reveal all the plans of the little manipulator. It is advisable not to make too big concessions to the child. As a result, he will define for himself this method of manipulation as unsuccessful and stop simulating.

Successfully counteracting hysteria, according to the advice of psychologists, is possible only with absolute calmness. Nobody says it will be easy. But only after the child realizes that his plan is not working, he will stop arranging his "demonstration performances".

It is especially difficult for parents to take a firm stand when tantrums are arranged in public places. A demand must be clearly denied without additional persuasion or persuasion.

If emotional blackmail and pushing the parents with their foreheads has become your child's favorite technique, it is worth working out a common position. You should not react to heavy sighs, take to heart the phrases “no one loves me”, “no one needs me”. It is necessary to talk and patiently explain in each situation why the parents made this or that decision.

Conclusion

If a child manipulates his parents, what to do and how to behave correctly (especially when the situation arose for the first time), logic and observation of changes in the baby's behavior will prompt.

The easiest and most effective way is to speak openly, expressing your wishes, explaining your position, arguing for refusal. Nervous atmosphere, conversations in the style of “still too small to argue” will not bring results.

But, most importantly, you yourself should refuse to manipulate the child, do not set an example, so that later you do not fight the consequences.

A manipulator child is a child with a tendency to influence others (adults and peers) in a targeted and expedient manner, choosing actions, words, emotions, intonations and formulations in order to get the desired reaction or answer (see). The manipulator, he is, arranges interesting and complex multi-moves.

Illustration

Picnic

The family is going to a picnic, the son suddenly says: “You know, I don’t want something. I'd rather stay at home, read books ... ”(understandably, he's lying, he doesn't plan to read any books). But when he made such a statement, and the family was already in the mood - what should all adults do? Now everyone will persuade him, promise joy and entertainment. And the child will show that - no, you know, all the same, somehow it is not interesting enough ... In the end, he will agree, but then at least all the preparatory chores will be entrusted not to him, but to the fool sister, who was initially found enthusiasm ...

A child at the age of one and a half years is a talented, already fully formed manipulator who knows how to substitute and knock adults with their heads.

Child manipulator: congenital or acquired

Some babies seem to be born with an inherent tendency to be manipulative.

They are not angry children, and manipulation is not negative but neutral. But they love to twist, play with others, they have no (or almost) no simple emotions. Everything they do, they do for some reason. They may well be sincere, but they do the same as any other state of their own in order to effectively influence others.

And other children are born - simple, ingenuous. They do not invent anything, they feel what they feel and say what they feel. See →

Development prerequisites

There is an assumption that the manipulative child is a child with a weak center of fear. They shout at him, but he is not afraid. He listens to the scream, looks at the screaming face and, as usual, looks for options for action to get what he needs.

What prompts a child to develop as a child manipulator?

The first possible circumstance is the natural development of the child, his mastering of more effective forms of influence (it may be the child's personal creativity, and the result of the influence of adults - their training or the product of infection).

The second possible circumstance is the unsuccessful relationship between the child and the parents, as a result of which the child develops distrust, secrecy, a desire to attract attention, seize power or take revenge on parents through manipulative games. See Reasons for Conflicting Behavior.

Development direction

A child-manipulator can be either an innate or an acquired type of behavior (a personality trait of a child). A child can be born a manipulator, or maybe a simple, artless child. It seems that over time, a manipulator can develop from a simple child, but a manipulator, according to observations, does not turn into an ingenuous child.

At the forum, Synthona met the following position from a woman:

When ALL measures have been tried, all attempts at persuasion and methods "in an amicable way", a conversation from a position of strength is the only effective one.

It is useless to appeal to the good side here. The manipulator pursues its own, tough goals. It's not wise to flirt and flirt with terrorists. Manipulation is a technique below the belt and, in essence, the use of force. To respond by force to force is quite adequate. The main thing is effective.

Question: How applicable is this in relation to a manipulated child?

When a child is caught in mischief and punishment becomes inevitable, he goes for tricks and tries to manipulate adults with three ways of behavior.

It is very important to know that not all childhood emotions, including tears and anger, are special techniques. Sadness and bitterness are also not tricks. Through tears and anger, words come to the surface that reflect the real state of the child. There are no rules that would make it possible to determine the true intentions of the child, nevertheless, the feelings expressed by body movements, facial muscles, expression of the eyes, voice, and the words actually spoken by the child together express his true state. Caring for children, intuitive parents are able to distinguish true feelings from manipulative behavior.

The first confrontation: bribery, tears, extortion

Suppose the parents and the child are in a restaurant or grocery store, and the child begins to mournfully ask: “Please, mother. Buy, please, please! " In order not to make a public scene, the parents make concessions and buy what he asks for. Another critical group is the neighbors, who specially stop to communicate with you and enjoy watching the unfolding show. Another, and most difficult to communicate, group are grandparents. They actively intervene with advice in the upbringing process, strive to influence children and grandchildren and shape public opinion.

How to keep from indulging the desires of children? A very important point is confidence in your righteousness and strength.This is not about aggressive self-confidence, but about a calm state in which you feel right and ready to explain your position to the child. Your confidence in your righteousness should be based on the fact that children and adults have different rights, needs, desires, and your wisdom as a parent should connect together the rights, needs and desires of both parties and come up with a compromise solution that would suit both children and adults.

Anna wants to go outside and play with her friends. But she didn't clean up. However, parents are not allowed to act violently. Be confident in yourself. But how can this be achieved? Anna's eyes are full of tears: "Please, please, please!" You should answer in an absolutely calm voice: "You can go for a walk as soon as you do what you have to do." At this moment, your child will understand that bribery, tears, extortion do not work, you need to do what the parents want.

If the children fail in the first confrontation, they may resort to using the second confrontation.

The second confrontation: anger and aggression

“Mom, this means that your outlook on life is outdated. None of the kids in the whole block except me make the bed after themselves. L hate you. This is stupid. It's old-fashioned. Why didn't Mary make her bed? Why did Joy throw his pillows in the middle of the bed? " Parents who have adopted or adopted children hear only one phrase: “You are not my real father. You should know that this weekend I will see my real dad, and he will never let me make my bed. ” At such moments, parents want to tie their children up or beat them. Do not do that.

If the parents withstand the first confrontation, then the child feels slighted and wants to take revenge in the next fight. When parents fall for the ploy of the second confrontation, it plunges them into a state of anger. (“Don't tell me anything like that ever!”) Aggression breeds a lot of aggression. If the child gets angry, it will make you angry, in this state you will cause even more aggression in the child, the circle will close. If you get angry, try not to say anything that you might not like.

Another mistake that parents make when children start using the second confrontation is to enter into a discussion. (“I don’t care about the opinion of the parents living in our neighborhood, whose children don’t make their beds. I know that in this house all family members should have their beds made. Maria didn’t make her bed because she’s sick. Joy puts pillows on the middle of the bed, not the head end because it is still small and has difficulty reaching the headboard. ”) Remember that when it comes time to debate with a twelve-year-old whose polemical energy seems inexhaustible, you will definitely feel lost.

Your children enter the house. They smile, jokes and laughter shimmering with ringing bells are heard. A few minutes later, you hear a crying voice from the bathroom: "She took my comb again!" Sobbing from the girls' bedroom: "She tore my skirt!" Are we able to go through all this? Yes, they are capable, moreover, they must.

Aggression breeds aggression. Passivity too. The only thing that has effect is self-confidence.It allows parents to maintain a firm position, not to enter into long and fruitless discussions, not to respond to the aggression of children, but to persuade them to fulfill their duties.

When a second confrontation occurs, parents need to calm down and call for self-control. Parents should look for opportunities to teach their children a lesson:

show the child that he was wrong;
enable the child to see the problem as a whole;
help the child find ways to solve the problem;
do not humiliate the child's self-esteem.

What if the child does run away into the street? If it is small, try to catch it. Otherwise, in a heated state, he may do something unseemly on the street. When you catch a child, do not spank or shake him. (Some parents, catching the child and spanking, also say: "Never dare to run away from me. Now you will be at home!") Try to hug the child and shake it. I know it looks a little weird, but it's much better than hitting or verbally humiliating him. In addition, cuddling and rocking your baby can help lower the adrenaline levels in both of you. When rocking in a calm voice, say: "You are now upset, angry, but there is nothing wrong with that." After the child has completely calmed down, pat him on the face, smile at him and say: "You can go for a walk as soon as you do everything."

If the child is old enough, do not chase him. I don't know about you, but I won't be able to keep up with an eleven year old. I cannot afford to shout: "Wait, you wretched boy, I will soon catch up with you!" If I get involved in the chase, I will certainly be the loser in it. If you think about it, there are no winners in this pursuit. If an eleven-year-old starts to storm the front door, let him leave. He himself is afraid of complete disobedience. When the child leaves the house, do not forget to notice after him: "As soon as you calm down a little, please return home."

As soon as the child breaks free, he will cease to be angry with his parents, since they freely let him out of the house, asked to return and provided complete freedom of action. Who will be the winner in this situation? At first glance, it seems that the child has become the winner, since he left the house and did not do what he was asked to do. But in reality the situation has not been resolved yet, so it is too early to talk about the winners. When your child comes home, he will most likely give you a genuine smile. At this moment, he needs to say: “Anyone can lose control over the situation, but life is life and everything returns to its own place. You came home and your job is still not done. You understand that each person has to take care of himself, so you have to eat, brush your teeth, clean your bed and your room, do some of the general housekeeping work. "

One of the best ways to get out of this critical situation is to temporarily remove from it. As soon as a person “cools down,” it is easier for him to make reasonable decisions. It can be helpful to take a walk with your son and then continue the conversation. In the end, he will do what was required of him. If you and your child manage to survive the second confrontation, then you have gone through one of the stages of your growing up together.

If you cannot “win” in the second confrontation, the child will take into account that it is possible to be evil and when communicating with you and other people to resolve conflict situations not with good, but with evil.

In the event that the child failed to win the second confrontation, he can proceed to the third.

The third confrontation: in defiance

Contrary acts are one of the most effective methods of child confrontation. No one can force them to behave in a way they do not want. (“I’m not going to do this. You cannot force me to do what I don’t want. I’m not going to go anywhere, it’s raining outside. No matter how you punish me, it won’t hurt me. You can lock me in I’ll finally listen to music. ”) In a normal healthy child, the confrontation lasts no more than five minutes. Let it be ten minutes, but no more. Many children know how to resist their parents and always get what they want.

The victory of the parents in the first confrontation leads to the second fight. If the second fight is sustained, then the turn of the third confrontation comes. A defeat in the third battle means a return to the first stage of the confrontation. Children very well feel their position and do not waste time in order to defeat their confused parents.

How can the third confrontation be sustained? To do this, you need to show willpower and perseverance. Parents should not change the original decision and deviate from their existing attitude. (“You can go for a walk as soon as you do what was scheduled.”) Try to control yourself when you hear a child sarcastic remark: “I know very well that I can only go for a walk later.” Children, if necessary, know how to mask their emotions. They use sarcastic remarks to save their face. Parents should not pretend that they do not seem to notice stinging remarks, but they should also not enter into discussions about these comments. Again, it's important to stay calm. Children should not hear your immediate reactions to their behavior. When children try to challenge you to open conflict, then try not to lose self-control. Typically, after lengthy bickering, one of two things happens: (a) your child does the right thing and goes for a walk; (b) the child begins to rampage in his room, hitting walls, doors, furniture, finally, exhausted from an excess of emotions, he falls to the floor.

If this scenario has developed when the child is about to leave the house, give him the opportunity to leave without commenting on his act with a single word. When he gets home, calmly tell him: "You will not have dinner until you do the cleaning." It should be understood that using these behavioral tactics, you are embarking on a warpath with your child. He may answer you: "Great, the food supplies in my room will last a whole week!"

In response, you can say an even more devastating phrase: "You are punished at home for six weeks!" Now the child will be an eyesore to you with his constant stay at home for six weeks just because he did not obey. Instead of developing confrontation, you can offer the child to do what the discussion began with, namely: clean up.

If you manage to withstand three confrontations, then your child will begin to understand that you are thinking about what you are talking about, and say what you are thinking about. You do what you say and always keep what you promise. The child will begin to treat your words differently, and in your thoughts he will try to look for rationality and orderliness.

The child should feel that the opposition that has arisen is not a game. Calm resolution of a controversial or conflict situation should become the norm in everyday life. At the same time, children must be firmly aware of their responsibilities and make every effort to fulfill them.

Consistency in the requirements for the child

What if the child does some work and, unfortunately, does not do it well? What if you walked into a kid's bedroom and saw a mess?

Some parents in a similar situation cannot restrain themselves and, in a fit of anger, tear the bedspread from the bed, throw something on the floor. Then scandalous shouts are heard throughout the house. Others will fix and clean everything on their own, wanting to demonstrate their skills to the children.

Finally, the third type of parents, entering the children's bedroom and seeing the disorder reigning in it, draw more air into their lungs, calm down and tell the child what he needs to do. Cm.