The main mistakes of women in relationships. Mistakes of women in a relationship with a man

Whether we are in a close relationship with someone or not, happiness does not depend entirely on this circumstance. But if there is a relationship, we definitely feel happier, says Ilona Bonivell in the book Keys to Well-being.

Relationships that are not developing quite the way we would like are not very difficult to correct, especially if the couple has been together not so long ago. Summarizing their observations, psychologist Paula Pietromonaco and her colleagues at the University of Massachusetts highlighted the most common mistakes in partner relationships. Until the consequences of our mistakes reach destructive proportions, we have a chance to correct them. What mistakes to avoid if we want to keep the relationship?

1. Thinking that your partner is not going anywhere

As the relationship develops, we increasingly take the presence of a partner in our lives for granted. The signs of attention shown to each other at the very beginning, surprises and other pleasant little things gradually disappear.

We often stop noticing and appreciating our loved ones just because we are used to them.

On the one hand, this suggests that the relationship is becoming more mature. But on the other hand, longing for a beautiful romantic period can overshadow the value that, in fact, holds the union. At such moments, it is useful to dream up how my life would look in a different scenario. For example, without my partner.

Imagine how you will live if you really break up? What will you do? Will this affect your well-being and your ideas about a happy future?

These fantasies will help maintain the relationship, more acutely feel the feelings that bind you and which are probably dulled due to the fact that you have been together for a long time: affection, interest in your partner, concern for him and a whole range of your personal experiences! It is very important to listen to them - they can become the right guide for you.

Often we stop noticing and appreciating our loved ones just because we are used to them and think that they will not get away from us. But if we (albeit unwittingly) broadcast our indifference to our partner, sooner or later he will begin to look for lost care and attention outside our relationship.

2. Thinking that your partner will leave you

Being inattentive to a partner is a bad idea, but just as unproductive for a relationship is the other extreme - when we are too attached to him and think only about one thing: does he love us? Does it value our relationship? People who are too dependent on the attention of another person can scare away those around them with their excessive need for love and its confirmation. Once the boundaries of the relationship have been delineated and mutual obligations have been identified, it is not at all necessary to constantly wonder if your partner really cares about you.

Paying attention only to what you don't like, you run the risk of not noticing something good in a loved one.

And even if the relationship is just developing and it's too early to talk about commitment, you can determine for yourself how sincere the other person is with you. Whether he is interested in your life, how friendly and attentive he is to your mood, whether he takes into account your tastes and desires - these and other signs will help allay anxiety about the feelings and intentions of your partner.

3. Ignore the boundaries of the couple's personal space

In established couples, there are always secrets that unite two, and it is very important that partners respect this intimate space. By devoting other people to some of the details of our private life, we run the risk of offending the feelings of a loved one and undermine his trust in us.

If you reveal to outsiders some secret of your partner and the information reaches him (the world is small!), He may not even know that you were the source of this gossip, but his feelings of resentment and humiliation will not become less painful. You will begin to empathize with him (especially if your partner is still dear to you) and you will suffer from remorse for once being too open about topics that should not be touched upon. These experiences can be long and painful, but, alas, they will not solve the problem that has arisen.

4. Complaining about a partner

Those of us in long-term relationships tend to have a clear idea of \u200b\u200bwhat we would like to "tweak" in their partner. And this is not surprising, since there are no ideal people. The problem arises if we decide to discuss our list of complaints not with a partner, but with someone else who is ready to sympathize with us. In addition to the fact that this would be the disclosure of personal secrets (see paragraph 3), such a strategy in itself is destructive. After all, a partner may simply not be aware of the essence of our claims.

5. Suppress discontent

It's easy to see a reason for mutual irritation in a long-term relationship, the question is how we decide to deal with it. Perhaps one of the most dangerous ways to deal with irritation is to store it up by pretending nothing is happening. It may seem safer to hide your dissatisfaction or disagreement with what your partner says and / or does, but it is not. By not telling him (her) how we actually feel, we risk losing confidence and delaying the possibility of a frank conversation.

Moreover, unspoken irritation passes into the realm of the unconscious. And then we seem to accidentally forget to call a partner or to fulfill his important request ... These actions do not correspond to our intentions, but behind them may be emotions displaced from consciousness. Therefore, if you suddenly notice that such incidents begin to happen to you, a person who is, in principle, attentive and organized, you should think about their hidden causes. And find the strength to honestly discuss them with your partner.

6. Constantly doubt

Do you often think anxiously about the future of your relationship? Are you afraid to jinx them, say or do something wrong? Do you see signs of inattention, self-neglect, unwillingness to maintain a relationship in a partner's fatigue? If such anxiety overwhelms us too often, we risk two things at once. First, comfort and loss of confidence.

The partner may feel doubts and interpret them as unwillingness to go further.

And secondly, when we constantly think over various options for the development of events and draw up a plan of action in case of a breakup, we involuntarily charge our relationship with our anxiety. The partner may feel our doubts and indecision and interpret them not as fear of losing him, but as unwillingness to go further in these relations, and in this case, an early separation may become a very likely prospect.

7. Not taking your partner seriously enough

What place do you give your partner in your priority system? Do your children come first? And the work, of course, is there? Of course, you can always find a logical and understandable explanation: children grow up quickly, and you want to devote more time to them, and at work you are just at the peak of demand, which can hardly be expected in the near future.

But time passes, children grow up, business people retire, and partners who do not feel value and significance in a relationship leave them, because no one likes to be in last place.

8. Stop believing in a partner

Losing a job, health problems, or the death of friends or relatives - all of us experience grief from time to time. When one of the two faces difficulties, it becomes a test for the other. It would seem that what is required is obvious: provide support and encourage a loved one. But if you are used to the fact that your companion is your support, it becomes difficult to cope with anxiety and show real, not fake optimism.

The belief that a partner can handle it will not only help relieve their pain, but also become an impulse to find strength in themselves.

When the black streak drags on and the partner continues to be discouraged and inactive, you already begin to doubt that he, in principle, is able to get out of a difficult situation. And yet it is important all the time to sincerely believe that the troubles will end. Your support and firm conviction that your partner will definitely cope will not only help relieve his pain, but will also become a necessary impetus for him to find strength and overcome challenges.

9. Stop believing in your relationship

In addition to the problems that each partner faces, difficulties can affect the couple as a whole. The list of possible reasons due to which we can lose hope for the future of our relationship is significant - from banal misunderstandings and character differences to someone's betrayal. But if you allow yourself to give up, no matter what exactly happened, you will close the opportunity for yourself to establish an emotional connection with the person who has been dear to you for a long time. You have invested a lot in this relationship, do not let despair cancel it all out at once.

Feelings of hopelessness are often the result of a whole set of irrational beliefs, such as: “if it’s bad now, it’s always going to be bad,” “life should be joyful and enjoyable,” “constant minor disagreements speak of deeper problems.” Stop yourself every time such beliefs try to take over your thoughts, and suppress them - then it will be easier to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship, rather than the negative ones.

In order to win the heart of a beloved man and build a harmonious relationship with him, women are ready for anything, even to eradicate habits that irritate the opposite sex. However, the development of relations depends on both partners, and no matter how wise and accommodating women are, if men make unforgivable mistakes, sooner or later it will turn into a loud scandal for them.

It would seem that if people love each other and want to be together, why do they forget about mutual respect and do not resolve controversial situations even before they turn into an offensive quarrel? But the catch is that the mindset of men and women works slightly differently. And if a woman, by virtue of her natural intuition, can still understand the unspoken feelings of her chosen one, then for a man, with his logical and consequential thinking, it is not easy, and sometimes even impossible.

Therefore, all representatives of the stronger sex who want to maintain a happy relationship with their chosen ones need to learn the 10 most serious mistakes of men in relationships with women, and try under no circumstances to allow them in their lives.

1. You don't solve her problems

It just so happened by nature - a man should be wise, courageous and strong. A man must protect and protect his woman from any trouble, at least every woman wants it to be. And even if it seems to you that your chosen one lives a carefree and happy life, this is not at all the case, because every day she has to solve a bunch of household and personal issues. Therefore, at the first opportunity, show participation in her worries. And never wait for your chosen one to ask you for help herself - just in case, offer help first, and even if she refuses, she will be pleased with your attentiveness.

2. You are stingy with compliments

A woman needs compliments like a flower needs water. Without water, the flower will wither and die, and without compliments a woman will cease to feel like a woman. If you do not say affectionate words to your chosen one and do not admire her appearance, believing that this is already clear, because you love her, the woman will think that she is no longer interesting to you. Therefore, when you see a new outfit on your beloved, be sure to emphasize that it especially suits her and complements the already stunning beauty.

3. You are indecisive

You may find it difficult to choose between a trip to the sea or a hike in the mountains, between dinner in a Japanese restaurant or a restaurant with Georgian cuisine, and you think that your chosen one will do the job better. However, even in small things, a woman wants to see you as a reliable support, so overcome your indecision and at least sometimes take the whole burden of responsibility on your shoulders.

4. You are not interested in her affairs

You come home from work, exchange a couple of phrases, have dinner and go to play computer games or watch TV. In this way, you are used to relieving the stress accumulated during the day, however, your silence and indifference makes a woman feel unnecessary and abandoned. Remember, the fair sex loves intimate conversations, talking, they get rid of stress and rest from bad thoughts. So train yourself to wonder how her day went.

5. You are lying

If you think that you have no equal in the art of lying, and when you delicately distort reality, claiming that your strict boss gave you overtime, but in fact you spent this evening at a bar with friends, believing that this harmless lie will remain your secret, you are very much mistaken. Any woman feels insincerity on a subconscious level, and you will not be able to outwit this skill. If the habit of lying becomes your permanent state, very soon the woman will stop trusting you both in small things and in serious situations.

6. You don't know how to defend your principles

The paradox of the female psyche lies in the fact that each representative of the weaker sex wants to simultaneously see next to her a soft, attentive romantic, as well as a strong domineering man. Simply put, you should not always indulge your chosen one in everything, because very soon she will begin to consider you a weak-willed weakling. If something in her requests and requirements contradicts your masculine principles, feel free to defend your position.

7. You are sure that a woman will forgive you for any mistakes.

For some reason, many men believe that their wives are afraid of losing them more than anything else, and therefore will forgive them for any weaknesses and mistakes. Of course, every woman is afraid to be left alone, but there is a limit to everything, and if the degree of offense you have inflicted reaches a critical point, she will probably part with you.

8. You don't feel her mood

Men usually fight bad moods with rest or a glass of cold beer. A woman in a state of blues most of all wants to be listened to and supported by a loved one. And even if it seems to you that the sorrows of your chosen one are like blowing an elephant out of a fly, do not dismiss them, but at least listen and give wise advice.

9. You control her whole life

Do you think that patriarchy should reign in the family, and you prefer to control every action of your wife, believing that she should spend all the time only with you? You can rest assured that very soon you will become a single man again, because total control can destroy any feelings. If you don't want this, just learn to trust your chosen one. When she wants to spend time with her friends or visiting relatives, do not forbid her, because a piece of personal space is a need for every person.

10. You have no purpose

Perhaps this is the biggest mistake that no woman can accept. With great love, a woman will forgive you for jealousy, and small lies, and indecision, but she can never feel comfortable and protected next to a person whose life has no purpose. If you do not strive to achieve more than you have at the moment, and this applies not only to material values, you will not be able to take care of your future children.

Every person makes mistakes from time to time, and that's okay. It’s scary if, when you make mistakes, you don’t realize it and don’t want to correct them. Therefore, in family life, nothing should be allowed to flow. If you see that your spouse is offended at you, but do not understand why, it is better to ask her about it, not letting a small spark of resentment develop into a big fire.

It may seem strange, but the whole theory of relationships is shattered to smithereens as soon as real relationships appear. In practice, it turns out that seemingly adequate behavior causes unexpected aggression. Coping with the storm of relationships can be difficult, every mistake, even the most insignificant, in a woman's opinion, can lead to a major quarrel or even parting. What should be done to avoid major quarrels that lead to fatal consequences?

It is not uncommon for people who are closest to suddenly turn into creatures that hate each other, each action of which only irritates the partner. Nine out of ten women believe that almost all the responsibility for this lies entirely with men - the princes are not the same ones, they do not remember their duties at all.

You can't argue with that, but still, women are not at all perfect, they also bear a considerable part of the responsibility for the destroyed relationship between a man and a woman. The mistakes of women include the fact that if problems begin in a relationship, you cannot immediately blame your partner for all the blame, first you need to take a closer look at your own behavior.

Since a large part of the blame lies precisely on the shoulders of the female part, something needs to be done so that your partner does not decide that you need to look for another, one that will be much more patient and understanding.

It is in order not to make typical mistakes women in relationships with men, you need to study the top of those mistakes that have the most significant impact on the course of relationships and building a joint future.

Bathrobe and curlers

Jokes and anecdotes do not appear out of nowhere, and stereotypes about a wife who walks around the house in a washed dressing gown, with curlers on her hair and a mask is a typical picture in a huge part of married couples across the country. And do not forget that in most of these jokes and stories in the "closet" there is another woman - beautiful, meek and sexy - this is what you should always be for your man.

It's no secret that after just a few years of marriage, most girls begin to think that a man is obliged to love their "natural" ones - in a stretched T-shirt, with an incomprehensible haircut on their heads. Of course, we are not talking about stilettos at home, but even in home clothes you can look well-groomed and sexy - trousers or leggings, a tunic or a top, a pretty dress, a playful robe before going to bed. Tint eyelashes in the morning is a matter of one minute, and the result is immediately noticeable. It's the same with the hairstyle - just pulling your hair back is much better than going with a "I fell out of the hayloft" hairstyle.

Riddle

The absence of secrets, riddles is an equally rare problem that imbalances the relationship between a man and a woman. A woman's mistakes are a lack of desire or ability to preserve a certain zest that primarily attracts men. The beautiful half is beautiful because she must always find something to surprise her man with. This woman is ready to read her favorite book more than once, while a man rarely returns to a completely studied work. Therefore, you should always have a "couple of unread pages" in stock.

Time to talk

A common mistake women make in their relationships with men is that they stop communicating. Just talking to your man after work, discussing his situation at work, learning about his experiences, just watching a movie together is much better and more beneficial for a relationship than chatting with a girlfriend for two hours or watching monotonous shows on TV. It is better to spend weekends and free time together - it brings them together very much.

Do not compete

Of course, any man knows that his half cooks the best, she is the best housewife, the sexiest and all that jazz. But he is ready to compare her not with himself, but only with other women. No man will tolerate competition with his beloved, no matter what the relationship between a man and a woman may be.

The mistakes of women are to emphasize their big earnings, their career takeoff, a lively mind, their winnings on his console a couple of months ago ... And in no case should you do this in front of strangers! Almost any man will decide that against the background of you - so smart, skillful, successful - he does not look very advantageous, which means that you are simply not destined to be together.

Household chores

Women's mistakes in relations with a man can also be expressed in the belief that he is simply obliged to always help her in household chores. He is sure that if he gets tired at work, brings money to the family, he has the right to relax at home, watch TV or play his favorite console.

Provided that both work in the family, household chores also need to be divided, there's nothing you can do about it. In this situation, you need to be able to speak and negotiate. So, it is quite possible still "on the shore" to agree that he rests on Friday, but on Saturday you do all the necessary homework together. But again, this should be a joint decision, not an ultimatum.

Personal space

Everyone needs it. Just as women need time to meet with friends, for themselves, for a good book, so it is vitally important for a man to have free time when he can do some of his male affairs. He, too, needs time when he will be left to himself, he will be able to spend time the way only he wants.

Leave it to him and you will notice how the relationship between a man and a woman has changed in your couple. Women's mistakes are a constant, round-the-clock presence in a partner's life.

Criticism

In some situations, criticism is indispensable, because it is she who contributes to the teaching of certain skills and abilities. But in no case should you do this in front of strangers. And non-outsiders too. Criticism is possible only in private. Even if you are in a company, try to either wait for the time when you are alone, or just speak about your displeasure in your ear.

Criticism of his intimate abilities - whose catastrophic mistakes are such that they will not tolerate condemnation of their masculine qualities from anyone.

Shopping

Women enjoy long walks in the shops, for them it is a way to relax and escape from problems. But men treat this in a completely different way - for them it is a punishment, hard labor, to which they agree only in order not to spoil the relationship between a man and a woman. How to avoid mistakes in this situation? Just do not take him to your store marathon, let him do what interests him better. If it is necessary to go to the store together, let it be a quick trip for specific purchases, and not a three-hour survey of all the shelves in the store.

His parents

Errors in relations between a man and a woman are, to an important degree, a negative attitude towards parents. His parents. No matter how your mother-in-law annoys you or no matter how annoying your father-in-law with her wild actions, you cannot voice it. Parents are always parents. The very best. And if someone does not like them so actively, then perhaps this someone is not worthy to belong to this family.

If there is no way to tolerate relatives, find a more or less adequate reason in order to minimize meetings with them. Let it be an allergy to their ginger cat, panic on a high floor, fear of a neighbor's lapdog - it's still better than "I can't stand your mom."

Former

You should never, under any circumstances, mention ex-boyfriends! Never! And if you compare him with these same former ones, this is just a sentence to the relationship. Here it is enough just to put yourself in his place - who will like the comparison with some outsider woman. The former are always taboo. In the same way, one cannot talk about his exes, because, by insulting and humiliating them, it is impossible to seem higher, smarter and more successful than them. Rather, it will look like petty envy and jealousy. And what could be worse than the mistakes of women in relations with men than to present yourself as a jealous, petty and quarrelsome woman? That's right, little ...

Of course, exes with whom they have common children are a separate conversation. Silence about them, of course, will not work. But here in any case it is necessary to refrain from evaluations. They just were. Now they are just parents of one child. All. Even if it seems that raising this child could have been better, keep silent. If you really want to prove that you are a much better educator, give birth to your child and prove everything to everyone by his example.

Of course, these are not all the mistakes that women make in relationships and which have an extremely negative effect on these very relationships. But even avoiding these, the most common reasons for disagreements, can greatly affect the climate in your family.

Relationships are a complex and confusing process that requires wisdom and constant moral effort. No love union will last forever if people do not know how to control emotions and do not want to work on their shortcomings. As you know, women are more emotional creatures than men, and often destroy even the most beautiful romances with their ridiculous behavior. Many women have adopted the wrong model of communication with men from their mothers. They are forced to follow the same path and go through the sad experience of their parents.

Representatives of the fair sex make mistakes subconsciously, therefore, in each new relationship, they step on the same rake. Consider what kind of mistakes women make most often.

1. Attempts to mold an ideal out of a man. An adult is a person with strong convictions and principles. It is very difficult to change character and worldview. This process requires a lot of effort and, of course, the desires of the person himself. It is naive to believe that a guy can completely change for the sake of his girlfriend. Even a loving person expects concessions from the other half. Therefore, the strongest love union is the relationship of the most compatible people who have common interests and views. A girl should decide on the criteria for choosing a life partner, and only after that she should look closely at the candidates.

2. Obsessive behavior. Men like cheerful and active girls, but being too annoying will not be good for the relationship. You do not need to call ten times a day and fill the guy with Vkontakte hearts. Imposing your society can scare a man away. He will regard this as an encroachment on personal freedom and will want to quickly get rid of the annoying beauty. Offensive behavior is natural for the stronger sex, but women should be more restrained.

3. Attempts to control his life. If you want to keep a loved one, don't turn from a romantic heroine to an abstruse detective. Do not demand to be accountable for his every step, do not check his phone, do not be jealous of virtual girlfriends on social networks. Most guys can't stand total control and just run away from suffocating love. Remember, the foundation of a sincere relationship is complete trust. There is no need to control a devoted man, but the wrong one will always find a way to change.

4. Constant dissatisfaction. A woman should not allow her chosen one to behave unworthily, but it is not worth "nagging" him because of any nonsense. Alternate between cute feminine whims with praise and admiration. Men also need support and understanding, they also need to sometimes lift their spirits and self-esteem. If a girl walks around forever unhappy and irritable, then one day the guy will run out of patience and he will find a more positive girlfriend.

5. The requirement to be interested in purely female pursuits. Discuss new cosmetics or the intricacies of handicrafts with your girlfriends, but discuss with a man either what is interesting to him, or neutral topics. A good guy himself understands that you need to show interest in a girl's hobbies from time to time, but he does not have to talk about them for hours and know all the nuances. Men have very different hobbies, but they don't force women to understand motorcycles or learn to fix cranes.

6. Reproaches and criticism. We repeat once again that you do not need to try to change your beloved man. Accept him as nature created him and his mother raised him. In order to avoid disappointment in the future, you should study all the disadvantages and disadvantages of your chosen one as early as possible. If there are more negative qualities than good ones, consider whether to continue the relationship. But you won't get anything from a guy by forever reading morality. You cannot teach your chosen one in public, especially with his friends and relatives. Don't compare your boyfriend to other men - celebrities, exes, or just acquaintances. Such actions deal a terrible blow to male pride.

7. Closure or constant nagging. Be sincere with your loved one, but do not overload him with your worries and problems. Dose them wisely, serving in portions that your man can digest in one go. Remember that he also has his own problems, and, possibly, complexes. Help your man become better and succeed. Do not lose zest and riddles. Small breaks are good for the relationship, but don't hide from your boyfriend for too long. Otherwise, the hunter will get tired of looking for your trail.

In relationships, balance is important, people should complement each other, taking into account the peculiarities of the psychology of both sexes. By playing their natural roles, men and women are more likely to create harmonious and lasting relationships.