Why the husband hides money from you: three unobvious reasons. What to do if a husband hides money A husband hides money from a family what to do

Valeria Protasova

Reading time: 8 minutes

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Most of the population of our compatriots needs accumulation. Each family - for their needs. And a quarter of them (according to statistics) set aside money in reserve not for new furniture or a slow cooker, but simply “to make it”. You never know. And this situation is not surprising - the Russians have never been indulged in monetary stability. And, besides, doing nest egg is almost a national tradition. Such a nest egg (even modest) lies to itself under a mattress and the heart warms. Husband, as a rule, warms. Because women are less inclined to the habit of "stash money in reserve".

We’ll talk about this: where usually husbands hide their money, why do they need it, and how to deal with a stash suddenly found in the bowels of an apartment?

Why a husband makes a nest egg from his wife - the main reasons

“Do you owe someone money?”
- No, what are you, dear!
- Mistress?
- In no case!
- And why a nest egg then?
- Sorry. Habit…

Dialogues akin to this - not a joke, but quite real story that happens to many couples. Sooner or later, every second wife finds an unaccounted for “Klondike” at home and asks herself (and even immediately her husband) the main question - why?

So, why does the strong sex stash?

We understand the reasons ...

To the mistress. The most ridiculous, probably an option, but has the right to life. Although, in fact, a man who can afford a mistress (and this is a considerable expense) does not need stash - money should be enough for everything without “wooden” socks on the mezzanine.
To your men's joys (for fishing, cars, technical innovations, etc.). That is, for everything that wives often consider a waste of money. You won’t save money in time - goodbye, new spinning, cue or audio system. Men are like children, and each child has its own “children's” piggy bank.
To women's joys. For us beloved ones. For example, to have enough for a wife a gift, an unexpected surprise or a trip. Or in order to suddenly pay for a handbag that turned out to be “so cool, so cool - only 10 thousand, I want, I want, I want, well, please.”
In case of emergency. Everything in life happens. Sometimes money is urgently needed for treatment, for repairing a kitchen, which is flooded with neighbors from above, for an urgent session of “relaxation” for a wife in a beauty salon, for fixing a car, for fines for traffic cops, etc.
Just a habit.
For large purchases.
A kind of "rear". It is pleasant to realize that any unforeseen event is already insured.
So that the wife does not control all income / expenses. That is, out of harm and out of principle, to spite the spouse.
Gold reserve for the future for children.
Because the wife is a spender.
For debts (or alimony).

As we see, the unaccounted assets of the spouse, in most cases, flowing in a direction called "family budget." And the lack of a stash (financial security) for a man is worse than a detective's intelligence activities of his wife, followed by a scandal and a withdrawal of funds.

Especially when the spouse manages finances in the house (well, a man cannot give everything away).

10 best places to nest a husband - so where can a husband hide a nest from his wife?

These days, it makes no sense to reinvent the wheel. For stash you can open a dozen bank cards and transfer to them all finances from "covens", part-time jobs, bonuses and so on. But with cash it’s more difficult ... We have to show miracles of ingenuity. Where does the stash usually hide the strong floor?

Most popular caches:

The bottom of the drain tank(money is previously hermetically packed).
Books. Just between pages or by cutting out a suitable “hole” in the book pages. You may not look into Capital (too well-known cache).
Under the mirrors and paintings. Some "tricks" in the absence of wives even manage to place safes in the walls under the wallpaper. Another option is on the balcony, under one of the pulled out bricks.
In the vent.
In the dishes. For example, in a grandmother’s unfashionable sugar bowl, which has been standing in the corner of the sideboard for ten years.
Under the parquet, plinth, tile, cornice.
At the bottom of the aquarium, between pebbles, taking into account reliable sealing.
In the toys of the children's room. For example, in a huge teddy bear on a cupboard, from which dust is shaken off once a year.
In a chemical box, in which the spouse does not climb out as unnecessary.
In the system unit of the computer.

As well as Christmas toys, tool boxes, in an old mobile phone or player, in the barrel of a hunting rifle, in a junction box and so on. In general, wherever "female logic" will never stick its powdery nose.

Nthe most reliable place today is the bank . Opening a debit card is a matter of 10 minutes. And it will be extremely difficult to look into it. Especially if there are several cards.

You have found a husband's nest - what to do next?

What to do if you accidentally (or not very accidentally) stumbled upon a husband's treasury?

And if without jokes, then the husband and his stashes should remember the following ...

This money he could save you for a surprise or a gift . It is unlikely that family happiness will be beneficial if you expropriate the stash, and even throw a scandal.
This money may belong to another person. For example, someone asked to save, or the husband himself owed someone. Again, this is not a reason for scandal. If you have not been told anything about this, it means that they protect your nervous system.
Of course, if the spouse works seven days a week, the youngest carries over the senior, the refrigerator is empty, and the husband brazenly arranges “caches” for his own pleasure - this is a reason to be upset . And often - even get a divorce.
A woman who trusts her husband will never ask, “why do you need a nest egg” . And she will not look for her either. Because if this hypothetical stash is present, then he needs it. And to get into this personal space is not worth it (it definitely won’t bring anyone joy).
No need to bring relationships to the point where total control begins not only for the income / expenses of the husband, but also for each of his actions. Such surveillance is not even a bell, but the alarm about a hole in a family boat. The more you squeeze the grip of control around your husband, the more actively he will seek independence and freedom from you.
A wise woman will never take the money found and does not remind them of her husband.

It is naive and shortsighted to think that a man in the family does not have the right to his own, deferred money. Do not ask the wife every time for new wobblers, for the road, lunch in a cafe, etc. For a man, it's humiliating.

Question to the psychologist:

My husband and I have been married for 1.5 years, now we are expecting a baby - I am in the last month of pregnancy. There is a constant mistrust between us, before it always seemed to me that it was one-sided - only on my part, but as it turned out recently - it is also present on his part. The fact is that he is hiding from me part of his earnings. It was not accidental to me that it became known, but because I decided to check it - once he forgot the phone at home and I found on the computer the saved username and password from the personal account to which his bank card is linked. After I logged in, a password with a verification code came to his phone and I was able to log in to LK. There I looked at all of his cash transactions over the past six months and carefully studied them - it turned out that he was hiding from me the fourth part of his salary. One would think that he leaves this amount for personal expenses (food, gas, etc.), but, firstly, this expense item is planned for him by default and I know about it, and, secondly, judging by banking operations, he withdraws this money from the card, which makes me suspect that he is giving it to someone ... Because I did not find this cash, tearing in his things. Of course, I would like to talk about it with him and it even seems to me that I could do it calmly and correctly, but I don’t know how to explain to him where I have this information from. Say I'm spying on him? The fact is that I already had such "sins" behind me, I installed a program on my computer that monitors his actions on the Internet, from which I learned that he regularly visits the page of his former passion on the social network and "admires" her photos. I was very hurt ..., I thought that he had feelings for her, I had a terrible tantrum, well, and confessed to him everything that I watched him. He explained this to me by the fact that he was just curious that there were no feelings — I preferred to believe. And now, if I tell him that I’ve also checked his finances, I’m afraid that this will not improve the situation between us. Perhaps he will simply behave more cautiously and hide everything from me even more, since by limiting my husband’s freedom, I will thus “block his oxygen”, which, of course, makes him want to break free, to free himself ... I myself would probably felt as well. But I can’t keep silent about this, because now I am tormented by thoughts about where he spends part of the money, how to make sure that our family has trust, because without it it is impossible to build a prosperous and happy family? Dear psychologists, I beg you - help with advice on what to do in this situation?

The question is answered by the psychologist Flying Igor Anatolyevich.

Irina, hello. You ask a question and yourself practically answer. If I write to you that you don’t need to raise this topic, then ... I’m 100% sure that you will raise it anyway, sooner or later, only if it’s too late, then with a high probability that you will “throw out all your emotions” and there will be a scandal. .. Therefore, talk to your husband correctly, you can translate everything into humor, saying that you have certain inclinations for observation and control, then clearly ask him a question where he spends money. If there is indignation on his part, then keep calm and do not enter into a discussion. When the husband calms down, he will tell everything. But you need to look at the root of the problem, you want to keep everything under control, but you need to realize that harmonious relations are not built on control. Let's take an example with money: money comes into the house and you live normally, but he can spend it on anything, even if he borrowed it somewhere and gives it back, why should the husband tell you about it? Perhaps he just does not want additional conversations, but he himself leaves the current situation. You need to learn how to adequately relate to such situations and understand that you can “be controlled”, before a divorce .. Then will you be better off? We must learn to build relationships so that they would tell you everything without control. Why do you think the husband hides some things from you? Yes, because if you find out about them, you will show your dissatisfaction and you can already conclude that it’s better for you to say something rather than “run into” another scandal. You direct your energy to self-development, start reading books on psychology. I recommend that you start with PSYCHOTRAINING BY THE ALBERT ELLIS METHOD, if you enter it into any search engine, you will find information that will help you change irrational attitudes to rational and adequately relate to life situations. The best option is if you find the opportunity for a full consultation with a psychologist at a personal appointment or online via skype in video mode, where you will learn to live happily without control!

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Analysis of the situation

First of all, it’s worth first of all to figure out what caused this husband’s behavior. In other words, analyze the situation, your behavior, the behavior of your husband. Let us further consider several possible options.

For example, a spouse may begin to hide money if his lover does not allow him to use it at his discretion. Answer directly to yourself: why are you doing this. Yes, of course, there can be many reasons. The most common - the husband spends money on entertainment and alcohol. This reason is good enough to prevent a husband from spending money.

What to do in this situation? If the spouse has problems with alcohol, then you need to contact a specialist. Persuasions and requests in this case will not help. But, if your beloved needs money for simple entertainment with friends, then you can try to discuss the situation with him and explain what he may be wrong in, to tell how such expenses affect the state of the family budget. Alternatively, make a list of payments and expenses for the month. Explain to your husband what exactly is not enough money for. You can also offer this option: the husband leaves all the money to himself, but at the same time he will buy a certain part of the products and things, pay half of the bills.

Stupid waste

It also happens that a spouse spends savings on things that his beloved considers unnecessary and meaningless. Many women don’t like these expenses. Constant dissatisfaction on her part and may cause the fact that the spouse will begin to hide the money.

The art of hiding money from his wife, many men know almost perfectly: they know how to make a "nest egg", to which the spouse in life will not get. Circumstances often force the strong half of humanity to become such virtuosos: for some reason, most women believe that the spouse should not manage "family" money - they will still spend some nonsense, and then there will simply be no money left for obligatory payments. If a woman manages to unearth another "cache" hidden by her husband in the house, sometimes doubts begin to prevail over her: why would the missus do this? Does he not trust me? The true reasons for this behavior, as a rule, lovely ladies do not notice. We did a little research and found out that there are three unobvious reasons why my husband hides money from you: find out about them from our article.

The first reason: you are too much restrict your husband in finances

It’s not entirely clear where women got the habit of taking their husband’s entire salary, but nevertheless, some ladies still have such an unhealthy attraction to their spouse’s finances. Even if both work, a woman can calmly deprive her spouse of honestly earned funds, believing that she is better off managing them, rather than letting them down for new spinning, fishing tackle, or other supposedly unnecessary things. The only way that a man who imperceptibly lost his financial independence remains is to make small cash reserves, well known to many as “nest egg”, and to hide part of the income from his wife, who inspects no worse than tax. So if you monthly expropriate your spouse’s salary, don’t be surprised that after a while the faithful will begin to hide the money that appears from you: few people can work hard, seeing the result only on a “salary” day.

The second reason: the husband spends money on a habit that you do not approve of

Unfortunately, few people today do not have a couple of bad, but extremely voracious habits in terms of money: some people can’t quit smoking at all, although they seem to have smoked a fortune, others don’t mind sticking to the neck of a bottle of a famous alcoholic beverage or spend the entire salary in one night at the casino. In a word, there are a lot of habits: even more or less harmless (for example, shareware online games) may require regular cash injections. A man himself may not even see anything bad in his addiction: well, think of it, rested in a bar with friends, bought a couple of new tanks - should there be fun in life? If you categorically do not share the opinion of your spouse and have already expressed your displeasure a couple of times, he may well pretend that your bad habit is over - for your (and at the same time your own) peace of mind. In fact, the husband can continue to spend money on his addiction, but already secretly: if you control his finances to some extent, you will have to hide the necessary amounts.

Reason Three: You rarely clean

To some this item may seem a little strange or even funny, but in fact, such cases do happen: a wife who does not bother with frequent cleaning (and it’s difficult to blame her if a man with calm soul and conscience walks around in his shoes that washed carpet) may well be mistaken for a notorious "nest egg" that the cunning spouse hid from the noble, usually crumpled or folded, undeservedly forgotten bill in some not very visible place. If you do not clean up too often, such a situation may well happen: the “caches” you have found can easily turn out to be simply forgotten bills that he scattered in his hands just before he lost.

Therefore, if you are once again upset and thought about what to do if your husband hid your salary from you, analyze your and his behavior. After all, both the husband and you can be guilty. So, let's look at several options for why your loved one does not tell you how much he receives and hides his salary. Perhaps he is hiding money because you do not allow him to spend it on himself. Answer yourself: why are you doing this. Of course, the reasons for this can be quite significant. For example, your husband spends money on holidays with friends and alcohol, not paying attention to the fact that funds are needed to pay for an apartment, buy food and many other things that you cannot live without. In this case, you can be fully understood and supported. But what to do with his behavior? If the young man has obvious problems with alcohol, in this case it is necessary to contact specialists, because it is difficult to cope with such diseases on your own. Whatever you say, he most likely will simply not listen to you. But if the husband hides money only because he likes to have fun with friends, then try to explain to him what his mistake is. To do this, you can make a list of costs for everything you need that you buy for a month, and even attach checks to it. Tell your beloved what you are missing and why you are asking him to give his full salary. You can offer another option: let him leave money for himself, but at the same time he buys part of the products and things on his own. Most likely, he will agree to this option and soon he will understand why you ask him to notify you about how much money he has. If your persuasion doesn’t work and he doesn’t care what you’ll live on, and your friends always come first, then you need to think about who is really more important to him and whether it is possible to create a normal family with such a person.

There are also times when guys spend money on things that we can consider unnecessary and pointless. Naturally, women constantly express their dissatisfaction, and men simply have to hide these costs. In this case, answer honestly to yourself: you are angry because his purchases really affect the family budget or you are just annoyed by the fact that he gets these things. If you really do not have enough for life, then talk to him as I already advised above. But if you understand that you are angry with him only because you do not see the point in acquisitions, then think about the fact that many of our purchases are also incomprehensible to guys. They are also surprised why buy another pair of shoes, a jacket and a bunch of cosmetics. Remember that women and men have different priorities. We believe that we just need a dress that costs half the salary, and the guy wants to buy, for example, a new sword in his weapon collection. Therefore, if you know that you yourself never refuse whims, then understand that you have no right to forbid a guy to buy something that brings him the same joy as a new pair of shoes for you. The fact that he hides his salary does not mean that he does not love you. Just a young man tired of scandals on the basis of his little desires and decided that you better simply do not know about them. But it’s difficult to hide something in the family, so you learn about it and it’s unpleasant for you. In order to exhaust such a conflict of interest, talk with your loved one, explain why you did this and promise that now he can calmly satisfy his whims, but, of course, not to the detriment of the family budget. If the husband sees that you really are calm about what he spends money on, then soon the meaning of hiding his salary will simply disappear.

Of course, we often think that we know better how to rationally distribute funds and not starve. That is why many women ask and even demand to give them all the salary. But in reality, we are far from being as right as it seems to us. Men also know how to handle money. Even if they are mistaken, they learn from their mistakes. Of course, only if we give them the opportunity to learn. Therefore, if a guy wants to manage his money, let him do so. You can help him with good advice. But you never need to show in all appearances that he does not understand anything, but you always understand everything. Also, do not rebuke for big waste on those things that you do not understand. For example, car repair. Even if you do not understand how such a small part can cost so much, this does not mean at all that it cannot have such a price. Therefore, try not to make complaints about such a thing. After all, your man most likely does not teach you which cereal is best to buy and which fabric is suitable for the new dress. So you try not to speak out where you are not competent enough.