I hate my husband’s mistress. I hate ex-husband's mistress

I got married at age 20. My future husband and I met when I was still at school, began to meet, then live with him. I got pregnant, we got married. A daughter was born. Her husband loved her very much and still loves her. I studied the house, studied, then started working. It was difficult at times, often quarreled, but managed.

When the eldest was 6 years old, we decided on another child, we wanted to strengthen the marriage. However, after the birth of the second daughter, everything became even worse. My husband was promoted at work, he became the head of the new department. I sat at home with the children. Only when my daughter turned one and a half years old did I learn the terrible truth. Since the husband became the boss, he made contact with his deputy, a girl 6 years younger. He cheated on me with her for almost a year, until she married another. After the site of her wedding, he went mad, went into a bout, quit his job, made me a scandal.

For almost half a year his insane state lasted, then he filed for divorce with me. It was insanely insulting and hard. Later, I left with my daughters from his apartment to my parents. I found out that his mistress was also getting married pregnant. A year after the wedding, she divorced her husband. Is it because I was actually pregnant from my husband? I thought justice existed, I was glad that she received from life. Three years have passed since that time. Resentment against him did not go away; it was even disgusting for me to give him children at a meeting. But he regularly pays alimony, and the girls miss him. I grit my teeth and let them communicate. I knew that he had met with some women and, despite all the resentment, I wanted him to come back to me, to understand that he was wrong. The last time I took the girls for the weekend, they came joyful on Sunday, and began to tell that they were visiting the site of the aunt with the girl, they had a new sister.

I was just in shock, I learned through mutual friends that he was now. Still, a few years later it happened. I wept all night with horror and disgust. I called him, could not stand it. I asked if her daughter was born from you? He said no. But I love this woman, and I do not care whose child it is, I now have three daughters. I replied that I hate him, and that he would not dare to drag my children to this wretch, otherwise they will not see them again.

I hate this woman. I don’t know how and what she did to him. What attracted you? Hopes to converge with him collapsed like a house of cards. I want to catch her and beat her well, but there will be problems later. All that remains is to ask for help so that it is spoiled.

Anonymous comments (8 ) to the confession "I hate the ex-husband's mistress":

Hello Anonymous. Hold on, hold on, but don't turn back. What example do you want to give your girls? A family where dad walks, mom suffers, but suffers all this? Is this worthy of imitation? You have girls, they will absorb a similar lesson and will continue to consider men's infidelity as the norm, as their father behaved, did not respect his family. Do you like your children’s future? And in addition to this, imagine yourself and your condition - will you enjoy living your whole life on needles and in constant suspicions? Is this the life and the family that you dreamed about? Yes, the Lord brought you and your husband together, gave you two wonderful children. But now the Lord is making it clear that your paths diverge with your husband. Thank him for everything that happened. I understand it is hard, it hurts you from his betrayal, but you need to live on.
Today you need courage and courage, take responsibility for your life on yourself and do not look back at anyone. Change your life and don’t expect someone else to come and make you happy for you. Yes, you wanted to keep your family, but your desire alone was not enough. Yes, and would you be happy if your husband stayed with you ?! Rejoice. Your new, happy life begins. Relive the husband’s betrayal and begin to LIVE. Begin to love yourself, to please yourself. You have a sense for whom to live. The world has not collapsed. Nobody knows what lies ahead.
As for the husband: leave him, do not touch, this is his choice, his right, God is his judge. Only children do not set against him. You have not passed much time, but everyone leaves this cocoon. You will also find a way out - and very soon, I believe in it.
You will still be very happy, but you will have to work hard for this. I understand very well that you are now not up to my predictions, you only believe in one thing: the world has collapsed ... and you will never be happy. I promise you - WILL, be sure. The Lord simply gives us the best for us, even through such trials. The pain passes, not only through thoughts of him, you can’t even think about them. And to think, I understand, you can only about them. Perebolite, shout, overpay, let the emotions overwhelm you, then emptiness comes, and then it becomes easier. And your husband is no longer your husband, only his shell, and he is called the lover of another woman.
Do not spoil anyone. Author Leave them alone they have their own life. Do not live in hatred because it will destroy you first. Live on for your girls. Everything else will be, because life goes on.
Understand that besides yourself, no one will bring peace to your soul. This is hard work. But anything is possible. It all depends on you. Strength to you, patience and health.

Dear author. You must live for your daughters. Do not live a past life, it is no longer there, but build a future. Forget them like a nightmare. I understand you, a neighbor took my boyfriend away. I was just crazy, I wanted to wish them all the evil, but over time, I calmed down, realized that this was not my man, and she had nothing to do with it. If he is, he would have found another. Well, let them understand theirs. Sometimes I remember him. But everything is left in the past. And you do not do any damage, it will then return to you and your children. Better to pray, 90 psalm and may God rise again. All the best to you. I believe that you will succeed and you will be happy to marry! Find the strength for girls.

Anonymous, I sympathize with you very much. But understand, this is not your man, and you are not his woman. With your hatred, you drain your soul and do not allow yourself to build a future life. Well, BZ does not love you, but loves his current wife. It hurts, but true. Do not get hung up on it. And a man who loves you and only you will still meet you!

I agree. Why hate him and her. This is not a love affair at work, this is the creation of a family, despite life's obstacles.

Author, you are captive of your negative emotions, so you consider your husband’s mistress to blame for everything.
From the side, your situation looks like this:
- "We met for several years, lived together with him, I became pregnant, we got married ..." And your man was ready to marry you if you had not become pregnant? If yes, why not marry before? (It is likely that marriage
he does not feel, but according to flight);
- “Often quarreled, but it did.” This is an indicator that there was no mutual understanding in your relationship with your husband and that it was “only” for you, and your husband was not at home.
- "When the eldest was 6 years old, we decided on a second child, we wanted to strengthen the marriage .." I sincerely do not understand how a small child can strengthen relationships or marriage !? This, on the contrary, is the most difficult period even for loving couples, a litmus test of their relationship. Judging by everything, the idea of \u200b\u200b“strengthening marriage as a second child” belongs to you (you decided to go along the previously proven path — heal — get married, heal — make peace, ” maybe not divorced. ”) The husband at that time already clearly understood that you and he were different people and decided to find a replacement for you. The author, if you and your husband were one, you would feel at a non-verbal level that he was passing by, that he became a stranger, was estranged and etc. It would be necessary to sit down and find out at least, without reproaches and claims, that your husband does not suit you, and not live a parallel life. Probably, the reasons were serious, because there were quarrels, but you did not want to work on relationships, to delve into ..
The author, you understand me correctly, I do not condone the behavior of your ex-husband, to change - this is definitely abnormal and dishonest, but in order to build new harmonious relations, you need to work on your mistakes. Judging by the description, there was no solid foundation between you, naturally, your marriage rocked from side to side, like a boat in the middle of the sea.
Apparently, you and your ex-husband are people with different worldviews who do not want to work on problems in relationships, the fault of this particular mistress is minimal for your marriage here. If your husband did not suit you for living together, then if not this girl, would be different. Her fault is that she entered into an intimate relationship with a married man.
The author, your husband, after divorcing you, continued to live on, and you froze your pain, despair, negativity, live emotions from the life of your ex-husband. Want to take revenge ... Why do you need all this? As for corruption, this is generally trash. Do you know that this is a sin? Are you sure that this abomination will not return to you and your children? Why didn’t you leave the past in the past after a few years, didn’t let the situation go, didn’t take care of yourself and the children !? Think about it! How difficult it is for your children and parents to see everything that you are filled with now. This is what repels men from you. Life is so short, youth is even shorter, and you spend it so uselessly ... Author, consult a psychologist, if you can’t understand and accept all of this, disregard this idea of \u200b\u200bspoilage and hatred for the ex-husband’s second wife and start working on yourself You have a lot of work.

When the eldest was 6 years old, we decided on another child, we wanted to strengthen the marriage. However, after the birth of the second daughter, everything became worse. My husband was promoted at work, he became the head of the new department. I sat at home with the children. Only when my daughter turned one and a half years old did I learn the terrible truth. Since the husband became the boss, he made contact with his deputy, a girl 6 years younger. He cheated on me with her for almost a year, until she married another. After her wedding, he got off the coils, went into a binge, quit his job, gave me a scandal.

I was just in shock, I learned through mutual friends that he now lives with that mistress. Still, a few years later it happened. I wept all night with horror and disgust. I called him, could not stand it. I asked if her daughter was born from you? He said no. But I love this woman, and I do not care whose child it is, I now have three daughters. I replied that I hate him, and that he would not dare to drag my children to this wretch, otherwise he will not see them again.

Each woman, having learned about the existence of another no less beloved person from her life partner, will experience a lot of negative feelings. The first desire for revenge will be quite natural. But after a while the woman begins to understand that emotions only interfere with making the right decision. Sometimes it's better to survive the betrayal and stay with your loved one. However, you also need to defeat a new girlfriend. How to get rid of your husband’s mistress forever and still respect yourself and your partner?

First you need to be sure that your partner has someone. You should be armed with facts, not speculation, and betrayal should be constant, and not accidentally one-time. You also need to understand whether you want to be with him after what happened, whether you can sincerely and completely forgive. In any case, living together will not be the same. But if you are sure of treason and want your partner to drop another and come back to you, our recommendations will come to the court.

Do not tell anyone about this, do not try to ask anyone for advice, this is a family business, and nothing more. It’s better to figure it out on your own: sooner or later the situation will be resolved, and the sediment of all the initiates will remain.

Take care of yourself. Change something in appearance, in behavior, become attractive, smart, well-groomed. It’s not necessary to spend a lot of money for this, many things are available to do in the walls of the house: go in for sports, do manicure, pedicure masks and more. Interested men's views will instantly affect self-esteem, posture will become better, look more confident. Next to such a woman, the desire to seek someone on the side will disappear.

Add intrigue to daily communication with your partner, make you jealous, but dosed, so as not to go too far. When you become mysterious, you will want to understand. Take thoughts in yourself and only yourself.

Do not sort things out, do not make scandals. Keep calm. Such behavior should only pleasantly surprise, but not strain or disappoint. Do not try to meet another and try to figure it out. Keep calm and cold mind.

Become the most desired woman for the chosen one, so that the husband abandons the other and returns to you consciously. If you know the one that crossed your path, study its features, which could attract a partner. Appearance, habits, behavior - any fact can go to your piggy bank updating the image.

If your life partner is the owner and loves weak women, leave work and become a housewife, seek help and support, show strength over you.

Stop thinking about treason, do other things that are completely extraneous: repair, a summer residence, children, find yourself a new hobby, go to a meeting with old friends, find new friends.

Live a full life, surround yourself with positive emotions, smile more often.

Give a romantic evening turning into an unforgettable night so that everyone except you is forgotten.

If you have always had a steady confidential communication with your partner, discuss an affair with him on the side. Try not to act too emotionally or aggressively.

How to beat another

What effective methods exist, how to make a husband leave her mistress once and for all? We offer short advice from a psychologist, recommendations on how to get rid of an annoying lover:

Do not think of her as a living person, think only of the reasons that made the spouse leave for her. Think about how to eliminate the reasons for the campaign, and not the person herself.
Try to get acquainted with the second half from scratch. Imagine that your husband is a complete stranger to you. Discover new features in it, learn habits, admire it like the first time. Admiration for the stronger sex is very important.
Take a break somewhere alone. A sense of ownership will awaken in him, he will want to understand what is happening, to catch up with you.
Load to the fullest. Let them repair cranes, change bulbs, raise children intensively, start chopping wood - anything so that at the end of the day it is exhausted so that the desire to go somewhere does not arise. And I just wanted to stay at home and relax. However, do not overdo it - otherwise he will rarely appear at home.

If the partner does not know that you know all the adventures, and you know the other lady in person, try to develop disgust for her in her: tell something unpleasant, repulsive about her. Or about her untidiness, uncleanliness, or any diseases (most effective of all - sexually transmitted). About illegible behavior or strange habits.
If the girlfriend turned out to be your new favorite, break off all relations with her, even if she convincingly explains her behavior to you. Partisan wars do not need you.
Release your beloved to the lady of the heart for a few days. Usually they are not ready to endure a man at home.
If you have an influence on the life of your rival, try to send your mistress from your husband as far as possible. Business trip, internship, transfer to a neighboring branch, a denser work schedule - any means to make meetings as rare as possible.

3 main choices

Put an ultimatum - so that the husband makes a decision. This step is usually taken from despair and in the hearts, and emotions are a bad helper. A man can tell you that everything is already over, and at the same time go to her, but more secretly.
Give the man the right to choose. If you are ready to stay with him and forgive any misconduct, this path is possible.
Show that you feel good and most. This step is only good if you really feel that way, otherwise the falsity will be visible. Do not start in a panic to look for a quick replacement for your spouse.

How to understand that you are still able to restore and maintain a happy family life? If the missus does not talk to you about what is happening, then he values \u200b\u200bmarriage and is not going to destroy his family. If he openly told you everything without hiding anything, he may have already made a decision, and not to your advantage.

If, after all attempts, how to make your loved one hate his mistress and return to you, you have not achieved the desired result, do not rush to resort to the services of magic. If the husband does not abandon his mistress, this may indicate the seriousness of feelings.

Sometimes it happens that a man himself would be glad that his mistress fell behind, but this will not happen. And he is ready to gladly remove another from life, but his girlfriend clings tenaciously and does not let go of her hands.

It just doesn’t manage to repay the hatred of her husband’s ex-lover. He terminated all relations with her, but the consequences greatly affected our marriage in terms of everything financially and, first of all, morally. During the period of their relationship, this woman managed to introduce him into great debt troubles, in connection with which he still has to pay all debts, and this greatly affects the financial situation of our family. I am patient with everything that happens.

Thanks to Allah, our relations have become much better, respect has appeared for each other, he has become more caring, and I show patience. But sometimes, because of his debt, I have to save a lot on family expenses, it becomes very disappointing that my children and I suffer because of her greed. And everything is fine with her, and she does not need anything. Help me, advise what to read or comprehend in order to forgive her. Sometimes there is internal aggression and hatred for her, because inside, deep down, I did not forgive her. And now every time I suspect my husband that he still maintains contact with her, although I know that he does not.

In terms of religion:

In order for you to repay the hatred of this person, you need to forgive him sincerely, for the sake of Allah. On Judgment Day, this person will answer to Allah for all his actions. Trust in Allah and try to forgive, for this you will receive a great reward from the Almighty. The Almighty in the Qur'an says (meaning): " Hold on to forgiveness, urge to good, and move away from the ignorant ”(Sura Al-Araf, ayat 199).

The hadith says: “ Forgive the person who made you the Zulm (Zulm - “oppression, oppression”) ».

Anas (may Allaah have mercy on him) tells how a Jew with poisoned meat came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him!) Through an angel found out about this and did not eat. He told that woman that her meat was poisoned. The Jew replied that this is indeed so, and she came to kill Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him!). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him!) Only said that Allah would not allow this, and released the villain.

People who forgave, on Judgment Day, will be called "ahlulhak" - "owners of high-level virtues." The hadith says: “ On Judgment Day, a voice will be heard: “Aina Akhlulhak (that is, where are those who forgave)? Holders of high virtue, enter Paradise. ” And then those who forgave will respond».

Do not miss the opportunity to achieve this goal by following the sunnah of our Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). May Allah help you.

From the point of view of psychology:

For any normal family, the problem associated with treason on the part of the husband always turns into a tragedy. This phenomenon is capable of poisoning family happiness for both spouses for many years and driving a significant wedge into their relationship. But be that as it may, the act was completed, only a sore mark remained. First of all, attention should be paid to what is positive in the current situation. The good thing is that the husband realized the severity of what was happening and decided to rectify the situation for the better. This phenomenon in itself is quite significant, since it is not uncommon for some men, sometimes women, not to realize the severity of adultery, to persist in this and not to feel their own responsibility for what is happening and for what it ultimately will turn out to be them.

In many ways, your condition can be explained by the presence of insults not only to that woman, but also to her husband. The danger is that the husband, intuitively feeling that you have not completely forgiven him, will constantly feel guilty before you and see a silent rebuke in your eyes. Yes, his action is reprehensible, but his own feelings must be taken into account. It is likely that he has long regretted the incident many times and is looking for forgiveness and understanding in you. But a constant sense of guilt often grows into irritation and, as a result, into aggression. This happens quite often. Now, more than ever, your husband does not need reproaches on your part, but support.

Of course, you can say that you have forgiven your husband and do not hold grudges against him, but at the same time express your negative feelings with him towards that woman. What do you think your husband will feel? He understands perfectly well that he is to blame for what happened, and accordingly, he will redirect all your anger to his own address. Again and again he will feel guilty, reproach himself, and all this together will not add to both of you family well-being.

As for that woman, it makes no sense to judge her motives now, since all our speculations will not fully reflect what is happening inside her. Do not think that she lives happily on someone else's money. Everyone has their own problems, and leveling is always observed in everything; if a person succeeds in something, then, as a rule, he lags behind in another. It is likely that you greatly exaggerate that everything is beautiful in that woman’s life. Leave a grudge, your financial problems will be solved, there will be prosperity in your family again - show patience and support your husband.

Gadzhimurad Omargadzhiev
theologian
Aliaskhab Anatolyevich Murzaev
psychologist-consultant of the Center for social assistance to families and children