How to find mutual understanding with yourself. How to reach mutual understanding Find mutual understanding with

Is there no mutual understanding in your relationship? Are you breaking dishes in the heat of a quarrel? Do not talk for hours, pretending to be offended? Learning how to solve a problem in peace and, finally, getting along with each other is easy, just say out loud what you want.

So different

Why are adults trying to re-educate a partner? And why, having not achieved anything by this method, they begin to “punish” each other? The reason lies in our “expectations”.

If we talk about relationships, this is what we consider the correct and desirable behavior in relation to us. Each of us has our own set of expectations, some of them are situationally independent (for example, “every good mother should ...”), and some depend on our reactions (for example, “I will tell him, and then he ...”).

We a priori consider our own expectations to be fair and correct. When they are confirmed by the behavior of our loved ones, then everything is in order: we are satisfied with the relationship and are ready to continue them to common joy. But more often than not, expectations are not so simple, and they remain unfulfilled.

Let's imagine that we have two heroes - Borya and Lena, they have been dating for one and a half to two years, both are quite emotional people and are not shy about expressing emotions, which often manifests itself in screams, demonstrative insults, notations and manipulations of leaving.
Readers of thoughts

The first reason for conflicts is that we do not say directly what we want, believing that "this is already so clear"; “He is an intelligent person, he must understand it,” etc. In other words, we rely on the fact that the people around us are able to read our thoughts. Moreover, we are sure that our point of view is the only true one, and we count on the support of others. Borya should not only guess what Lena expects from him, but also agree with her in everything, indulge her in every possible way. But, even if Borya is ready to meet Len, he does not realize her dreams just because they are unknown to him!

Let's take a commonplace situation, which, however, is quite common. For example, Lena can expect a romantic dinner at a restaurant from Boris (“since we began to live together, this has been happening less and less, but everything was so good at the beginning of the relationship”). Time passes, and Borya does not invite all of her anywhere. She is angry, begins to think that he has stopped loving her, since the signs of attention to her have become less frequent.

The tension is expressed in the fact that Lena begins to obsessively ask: “Do you still love me?”, Look for other evidence of a possible “dislike” (for example, that he doesn’t wash a plate, because otherwise he would understand how tired she is and not would bother her with extra work), criticize Boris. He is at a loss: what is happening? He begins to convince Lena in words that he loves her very much, even several times immediately washes a plate behind him, but the situation does not change. He simply can’t guess that Lena is waiting for an invitation to the restaurant, so his shots do not hit the target.

If Lena just hinted, but rather said directly that she wants to have dinner somewhere! If she recalled at the same time some particularly romantic evening that had begun in the restaurant, Borya would have realized Lena's expectation and the relationship would not have reached a dead end, from which they would either get out or not.

Every time when working with family and personal problems, psychologists are faced with a situation of unexpressed expectations. Perhaps this is one of the main problems of psychological illiteracy. People do not talk about their own desires, but they naively believe that they are obvious, and if others do not realize them, then this is out of harm or a bad attitude. And this, in turn, creates the situation “he is against me” and sharply increases tension, making communication conflict.

Don’t scream!

The second reason for conflicts related to mutual expectations is their incorrect presentation. Most often, when expectations are hushed up and for this reason are not fulfilled, a certain “glass” is gradually filled inside, and the “last drop” becomes something like a detonator. Word for word, and between Borey and Lena there is a quarrel with all its classical manifestations: transition to personalities, positions of “attack - defense”, various methods of pressure. As it usually happens, in the heat of a quarrel, partners feel unsatisfied, and the goal (solving a certain problem) remains forgotten. And Lena’s phrase “You can't even take me to a restaurant!” - the very first and most important unrealized expectation, from which the increase in tension began, cannot produce the desired effect. In the heat of a quarrel, Borya, either defending or attacking, simply will not be able to take this phrase as a serious expectation, according to which the process can begin to develop in a new direction. Lena finally spoke out, but a little from the point.

In general, quarrels are the most frequent form of exchange of expectations, how intense, so ineffective. Burning with anger, they pour out claims to each other, not hearing them, and not understanding, because of which the whole fuss. She believes that now Borya knows exactly what she wants, and, “if she loves,” she will certainly fulfill her wishes. She did not hear Borya's expectations (although they certainly were). Borya also did not hear Lena’s wishes, considering them to be vagaries and provocations, and is not going to fulfill anything. So each of the partners is sure that the “conversation” (the quarrel is usually stubbornly called the conversation, although it is not) took place and is waiting for peacekeeping actions from the partner.

Do you know the phrase: “I told her / him many times!”? If you “speak” in a quarrel, then be prepared for the fact that you will not be heard. The expectations that you are trying to convey to your partner will not reach him in this way and will not be fulfilled. In a quarrel, the “win - lose” strategy is implemented, when initially one of the partners wants to win, and for this purpose there are stable verbs in the everyday language: “push”, “cope”, “win”. But in family quarrels there are no winners, both always lose. Losing relationships, losing the family.

Error handling

To be heard, stop walking around and around, avoid the silence and expressly declare what you want.

Hiding Nothing

So, many problems in relationships arise due to unfulfilled expectations. Some of them are not expressed (and sometimes not realized), some are expressed in such a way that they are not perceived (quarrel), and some are presented in the form of notations and other methods of “upbringing”.
Unfulfilled expectations cause tension and, of course, the desire to achieve their goal, as a rule, by various methods of “punishment”, which were also discussed earlier.

Expectations are what you need to be able to talk about. The partner should know what you expect from him. Then the relationship will be "transparent": either you get what you want, or you realize that the person does not want to implement it. Let's learn to talk about what matters to us!

To formulate

First of all, clearly state your expectation (for yourself!). This wording should fit in one sentence. If this is a negative expectation ("I do not want him ..."), then immediately you need to formulate a positive ("I want him to ...").

Check for realism

Ask yourself questions:

Is this your expectation or is it imposed from without?

How important is it for you (for example, on a 10-point scale)?

Does the person (for whom you have certain intentions) have the opportunities (personal, financial, temporary) for its execution?

Perhaps at this stage you yourself will give up part of your expectations or reformulate them, making them realistic. Expectations with an importance of 8 - 10 points must be communicated to the partner.

For example, the expectation that Borya will invite her to a restaurant is important for Lena, subjective significance is 9 points (because it is an indicator of love and harmony in relationships for her), and Borya has the opportunity to fulfill it.

Speak out

This step is the most difficult. People are often embarrassed when they need to say directly about their feelings or desires. But learning how to do it is an important social skill. To do this, apply the so-called I-statements. These are phrases starting with the pronouns “I” or “me”: “I want you to ...”, “I could feel better if you ...” Any of your wishes should be targeted, that is, have a “sender” and "Recipient". The “sender” is you, and therefore the phrase should begin with “me” or “me”. The recipient is your partner, so a direct wish should sound with the word “you” and a clear wording of the desired.

Lena: “I want you to invite me to a restaurant. It’s so nice to spend a romantic evening with you, as at the beginning of our acquaintance. ”

What does the other want?

It must be remembered that not only you have expectations, but also your partner. And now is the time to clarify them. It may turn out that some life principles or meeting expectations are obstacles to the fulfillment of what you want from a partner. At this stage, the main thing is to maintain respectful communication, not to deviate into a demonstrative resentment or irritation.

Borya: “I did not know that this is so important for you. Good thing you told me. Now I get very tired at work, so I have become less romantic. Try to understand me and do not be offended that I myself did not guess. I will try to give us a wonderful evening soon. Just put on that blue dress that I like so much. ”

Find a way together

Now, having clarified mutual expectations and obstacles, you need to try to find a compromise. This is much better than pulling a blanket over yourself, because a temporary gain will force the partner to look for ways to turn the tide in their favor. In our situation, it turned out to be sufficient just to speak out. Lena did it with dignity, without scandal, Borya heard him and agreed with him.

So…

It is possible that the one to whom you are addressing did not suspect your wishes or underestimate them, and now he has the opportunity to do what you consider important for you. When discussing an urgent expectation for you, try to concentrate on it, do not try to express and discuss many more expectations, which undoubtedly exist. Talk in advance and clarify each other's “life pictures”, do not wait until the situation becomes tense.

But sometimes, after talking with a partner, you may realize that waiting is difficult. Try to accept that the actions and words of another person come primarily from his characteristics, interests, plans, and, last but not least, from the desire to offend you. Have the courage to give up your expectation, because some other of your desires will certainly be fulfilled. Having abandoned the small, we win the big.

Note to scandalists

1. Remember that a surge of emotions is not always good.

“Splashes” of this kind, if they give relief, are only temporary, because they provoke new problems. In fact, emotional stress is caused by specific problems, and the anger that is raging in you is needed just to deal with them. Therefore, it is pointless to scandalize a family if you have problems at work, and you need to spend energy to solve them with dignity. And if the problems concern the family, then no matter how you want to "say everything", you need to keep yourself in control, unless, of course, you plan that this conversation will really be the last.

2. Respect the personality of the partner.

We are all imperfect, and each of us has his own oddities. Do not think that our cranks are in some ways better than strangers. And, like us, others have the right to them.

3. No need to educate!

Both in a conflict situation and outside of it, the role of the educator should be avoided. Taking the position “I know better”, you put your spouse in the position of an unintelligent child, and even then you should not be surprised at his / her independence and the impossibility of “taking a step without you”. On the contrary, respectful attitude, recognition (including out loud), merits only benefits the family. Do not forget about it in a conflict situation.

4. I see the goal!

In a conflict situation, keep in mind the goal: the solution to a particular problem. Remind this partner if the conversation loses its constructive direction. More often, before you say something, ask yourself the question: “why?”

5. Feel

Try to take into account the mood and experiences of the other, even if he is wrong. A person, being in a state of physical malaise, fatigue or depression, may not restrain himself and say something that he would not say in a normal state. Also, do not cling to trifles, it is unlikely to be able to find out the problem, but to quarrel - please.

It is so simply impossible to find mutual understanding! Mutual understanding does not “come” with the love of your husband or wife (young man, girl). No, if he (she) loves you, this does not mean that he understands. But you must admit that in many everyday moments I want to get understanding from a loved one. But instead, take offense and the abyss which was already huge, becomes even greater.

So how do you get started managing relationships? Let's analyze the first stage.

The first stage that will lead you to mutual understanding in a relationship. This is communication.

People often do not talk for years about the most important things in a relationship. And in the end, they don’t know anything about each other. And even if they find out, they find out about the final facts: betrayal, divorce. Why is it so hard to talk to each other? Because scary!

It’s scary that a “difficult” conversation will very quickly become “unbearable” and develop into a scandal.

It’s scary that after trying to explain it will be even more confused.

It is scary that the partner will consider an attempt to talk with an apology, that is, a confession of guilt and generally weakness.

And this is just the beginning of listing the reasons! But as you already noticed, they begin with the word “scary”.

Why scary?

There is no threat as such. You will not be taken away the right to life, money will not be taken from your wallet and not raped. But each conversation is regarded by you as the last, therefore, you make conclusions about a person every time global and with far-reaching (negative) consequences. And of course you do not allow a person to open up on the good side.

But everything is completely different! If a person does not speak, it means that the negative incentives that he received in response to his early attempts to talk (albeit awkward, maybe clumsy, but it could not do without attempts, believe me) have already formed a steady fear in him. People often underestimate how strong they are in closing their mouths to their neighbors.

A loved one doesn’t speak with you? You taught him (her) to be afraid!
Close and loved a person does not listen to you? He (she) does not believe that your words may be related to the deed.

So, draw conclusions ...

How to find mutual understanding in a conversation with a loved one and loved one? Psychologist's advice.

It is important to note again that in order to find mutual understanding in a relationship you need to understand that nothing will work out the first time. If your relationship is already not understanding, then you will need quite a lot of time now to retrain your loved one (s). The practice here is very simple and if you carefully follow this practice, your loved one will understand that he is of value to you. Gradually, he (she) will begin to open and one day will open in its entirety.

It is important for you:

Apologizethat you disturbed a loved one and again began a conversation on a "sore" topic.

Agree, with everything he says. So you encourage him (her). But even if you encourage him (her), he (she) still needs to find a place where to insert the word. Be patient. Leave enough voids in your speech so that he (she), when he (she) finally has such a desire, could fill these voids. Make sure you want to talk less and listen more. Promise yourself first that you will react at least neutrally-positively to everything that is said.

Give thanks for the conversation, regardless of whether you were able to talk at all. And do not expect what you will succeed the first time. Immediately agree with a loved one that it will take many attempts to understand each other and solve something. It is important to start and be steadfast. But not evil without gritting his teeth, but friendly steadiness. With smile.

If for some reason you can’t talk with a loved one, we recommend that you

Relations in the family, based on mutual understanding and the ability to negotiate - the basis of a happy marriage. But how to behave a woman if a man does not always guess her wishes? For example, she dreamed of a romantic dinner in honor of the wedding anniversary, and her husband suggested a walk in the park? You should not be offended by your spouse for being awkward, because in order to learn how to understand a spouse without words, you need to devote a lot of time to forming a relationship.

Women often blame husbands, complaining in their relationship with a man that they: “do not always understand them, do not support them at a difficult moment, do not want to listen,” and so on. The personalities of women, as well as men, differ not only in physical principle, but also in psychological. Another thing, what exactly is this difference and how to build a trusting and harmonious relationship with a man?

The attitude to the outside world, as well as the psychology of the person’s personality, was laid back in the Stone Age. At that time, the roles of the opposite sexes were clearly distributed, because the question of the survival of the genus was acute. The primary task of the head of the family was to ensure and protect household members. In this regard, such qualities were well developed in him: the desire for achievements, the ability to make decisions quickly, and endurance. And the wife’s activities consisted in taking care of the offspring, maintaining order and creating coziness, cooking. In this regard, the representatives of the weaker sex have developed more “economic” skills, as well as the ability to catch the slightest changes in habits, as well as the relations of their loved ones. The female character was dominated by such qualities as compassion, the ability to calm, help psychologically.

So it turns out that a man and a woman see the world and themselves differently in this world. And therefore, when there is a need to agree, some and others sometimes give up.

Relations with a man: how to say about your own desires?

There is an opinion that it is easier for some men to change their companion than to build a trusting relationship with her. Unfortunately, sometimes this happens. A man motivated by actions and decisions is unlikely to turn to his wife with the words: “Maybe we will discuss the situation? I feel discomfort. " In most cases, these are habits inherent in women - to build relationships with a man. And here the main rule is not to expect from a spouse when he himself wants to talk about a problem or conflict. When the correct formation of relationships is important for a woman, she must take the initiative herself.

Sometimes women complain that men do not do what their wives would like. In this case, it is important to understand that they, in principle, may not guess about the desire of the woman. If the ladies perfectly understand each other almost without words, then the representatives of the stronger sex sometimes do not realize that this happens to his companion. A man perceives reality as a whole, not always paying attention to small details. Therefore, it is hardly worth surprising that the husband did not appreciate his wife's new hairstyle or manicure. A man evaluates a woman as a whole, without being distracted by details. The same applies to the condition of the woman - she can take a long breath or freeze, mentally calling for help, but not every man will notice it.

The next rule is to clearly state your desires and requests. If a woman complains about something, the man immediately looks for specific ways to help her. For example, if the wife has a headache - he goes for the medicine. But sometimes ladies, complaining, want another. They do not always need a solution to the problem, but they want a discharge or sympathy. That is why they are so eager to complain about the life of their friends - these certainly will sympathize and regret.

The third rule of building a trusting relationship is as follows: if you want to talk heart-to-heart with your husband, it is advisable to warn him in advance what exactly you want to get from this conversation. For example, we can say this: "I do not plan to make any decision right now, I just need to talk it out."

Rule four - it is not recommended to speak with a man when he is very busy with something. It’s better to wait until he finishes things and can pay attention to the woman. Cleaning an apartment, talking with a friend on the phone and cooking dinner - a woman can easily do several things at the same time. A man prefers to do one thing, and he is unlikely to hear what his wife is trying to tell him if he is reading or watching television at this time. It is difficult for a man to do two or three things at the same time, so he is often angry when a woman “speaks to his arm”.

Rule fifth - if there is no desire to spoil the relationship with her husband, there is no need to give advice if he himself does not want it. Otherwise, a man is able to perceive this as a blow to his pride. The problem is that men are mainly motivated by their own achievements and victories. For this reason, a large number of men are not very fond of when they are imposed unsolicited recommendations, especially their women. They get the impression that when a woman constantly indicates what he should do, she is not sure of his ability to cope with problems on her own.

Sometimes a woman herself does not quite understand what exactly she wants from a man, so it is even more difficult for her to tell him about it. It’s much easier to make hints so that he himself guesses everything. But, alas, this happens infrequently, and such a formation of relations sometimes leads to the creation of conflict situations. Men are bewildered and powerless in front of a silent woman who does not like something. In such cases, a woman should take responsibility for the fulfillment of her own desires. First, you need to decide what exactly she wants to get from a man. Indeed, sometimes, asking for advice on what dress to wear, a woman really does not wait for advice, but words of admiration. Or she had a feeling of insecurity, so she asks to put an armored door. Or maybe all the vagaries of women are simply the result of a lack of attention? You need to analyze your feelings and understand what is happening in reality, and then talk directly with your husband. If this does not work, you can turn to a psychologist for help.

A woman always wants to talk, but men are sometimes not ready for this. Why don't some of them like to talk? A man’s brain is able to sort information and solve problems as needed, putting off less important problems “for later”. A woman constantly scrolls information in her head. To stop thinking about this, the lady has two ways - to solve the problem or at least discuss. Therefore, when telling her husband about her affairs, she does not try to shift the solution of her own problems to his shoulders, the woman just needs to talk.

And one more question: how to build a conversation with your spouse? Representatives of the stronger sex prefer to use shorter sentences than women. They clearly state their requirements and desires. A woman, in turn, often leads several lines at once, so a man may lose the thread of conversation. To convince or persuade him, you need to express only one clear thought at a time.

And most importantly, you need to support your husband and make him understand as often as possible that his beloved woman trusts and is confident in him.

They think and feel differently. Because of this, there may be a lack of understanding. A man does not relate to your efforts, requests, your experiences the way you want, not because he doesn’t care, but because he is arranged differently. Jack Gray talks about this well in his book Men from Mars, Women from Venus.

Do not limit or control your husband. For a man, his freedom is of great importance. It is very important for him to be alone with his thoughts, to do what he loves. If he wants to meet his friends once a week, let him do this in order to reach an understanding with. You can also go with your friends to a cafe, sign up for a gym, or find a new hobby for yourself.

Take your husband for who he is. Do not try to change your husband for yourself. Each person has his own shortcomings. Since you married this person, it means that you like certain qualities in him. So try to see in it only the good, turning a blind eye to the flaws. If you seriously do not like some of his actions, then calmly talk with your husband and explain in detail what you want from him and why you need it.

Do not harbor a grudge against your husband. If you keep accumulating all the negativity in yourself all the time, you will not be able to reach mutual understanding with your husband. At one point, you will break loose, and your husband will not understand the reason. Speak out, while specifically mentioning the reason for your dissatisfaction without raising your voice.

Learn to communicate and listen. Sometimes the mutual understanding between the spouses disappears due to the fact that they talk less or interrupt each other all the time. The wife is busy with children and their household chores, and the husband disappears in the garage or watches TV. Give each other more time to chat. Go together for a walk in the park or restaurant and talk.

Leave service problems in the workplace. Yesterday, when you came home, you could see your husband behind the TV, go up and kiss him. And today, because of problems at work, you come home and break down on your husband that he again sits in front of the TV and does nothing. If there is no mutual understanding with your husband, then first of all, look for the reason in yourself, in your mood. Women are known for mood swings and increased aggression on certain days, so in some cases the husband may not be involved.

Sources:

Mutual understanding is for two!
find a common language with her husband

In psychology there is a “three-stage rocket” technique. It helps to express to the communication partner his sore thoughts and feelings, while not offending him. Using the “three-stage rocket” you show the partner the logic of your emotions and thoughts. To successfully apply it, you need to consistently voice three parts of your message: what you see, what emotions it causes in you, what you think about this.

Instruction manual

In any tense situation, in order to achieve mutual understanding, you need to start by voicing what is happening objectively between you and your communication partner. For example, you were discussing something emotionally, and your partner turned around and left. It is important for you to continue the conversation. The best way to do this is to voice what happened. The advantages of this method are that it is obvious to both of you. If your partner turned around and left, then this is obvious to both of you.

The second thing you need to do is to communicate your emotions. What feelings did your partner’s behavior or his words evoke in you? Say this by adding a second “step” to the first, obvious to both of you. For example, you say: “You turned around and left, it offended me” or “You turned around and left, and it infuriated me”, or “You turned around and left, and it annoyed me.” Always start from the first step. Then your partner will understand what exactly caused your negative feelings. This is the path to understanding.

The third thing you need to say is what you think about this. Often we jump immediately to this point, bypassing the first two. "You do not ... me ! You are my opinion! You do not take me into account! You forgot about me! ” - we declare. The partner, at this moment, experiences a misunderstanding: what happened and what did he do wrong? Always start from the first step, attach the second to it, and after that - the third: “You turned around and left. This infuriated me! Because I think my opinion doesn’t matter to you! ” Then your partner has the opportunity to answer you in detail. Perhaps your opinion is really not important for him - and this is another problem ... Or maybe he abruptly left the room because he could not cope with his emotions, or it seemed to him that someone was knocking on the door.

Useful advice

To learn how to use the "three-stage rocket" and to achieve understanding in communication, you need to train. It is advisable to train in a relaxed atmosphere, as in the heat of emotion it will be hard to do.

Try to train consistently. At first - only the first step. It seems simple, but in reality it is difficult to voice objective reality. Then practice attaching your emotions to the objective picture. Unfortunately, often this is the stage we skip. And already after you learn to say what you see, along with what you feel, go to the training to voice your thoughts.

The lack of mutual understanding manifests itself in the form of a lack of respect from relatives, trust with children, good relations with colleagues. To change the situation, efforts must be made

What is mutual understanding?

Mutual understanding between people is a coincidence of opinions and views, finding solutions to conflict situations. The foundation of a long-term relationship is mutual understanding.

Without mutual understanding, the existence of a working relationship, love, or friendship is impossible. It is important for a person to feel the support of like-minded people in the event of quarrels or conflicts. Mutual understanding is the main assistant on the path to success.

In family relationships, mutual understanding makes it easy to go through joint difficulties, while maintaining family comfort and a relaxed atmosphere. If at the beginning of a relationship mutual understanding arises itself, then in the process of family life it is supported by all family members.

Mutual understanding and friendship are inseparable concepts. Ability to forgive, patience and support are the main parameters of friendly relations and mutual understanding.

Reasons for Lack of Understanding

The problem of understanding can be present in any type of relationship. If mutual understanding disappears, then the relationship falls apart. Finding them bit by bit will help search for the causes of what is happening.

Establishment of the reason for the loss of mutual understanding:

Selfishness and fixation on self-interest.
Neglecting the opinion of the partner.
Incorrect understanding of the words, actions of the partner.
The desire to impose an opinion on a partner, unreasonable entry into disputes.
Inability to compromise, be flexible and avoid conflict.
Inability to listen and hear.
There is a big difference in the level of education / upbringing / intellectual development, when it becomes more difficult to find a “common language” over the years.

Establishing mutual understanding will help attentive attitude to the partner. Do not expect quick results - focusing on the problem of mutual understanding in relationships can aggravate the current situation.

For an easy way to consensus, there are some tips on how to reach a mutual understanding:

Talk about everything more often. Share your thoughts, tell the news, discuss books and movies. Talk frankly.
Find common things. If you live together - do household chores, if colleagues - have lunch together, if friends - go shopping, relax in the bar.
Give attention. Friendly looks, smiles, light touches will have a positive effect.
Keep in mind pleasant moments spending time together, remember why this person is so attractive to you.
Forget and don't hold grudges, goodbye and do not think about the bad that is in the partner
Focus on partner desires. Make small gifts: treat ice cream, go to the movie.
Come up with traditions. With family, you can go out on Sundays for a picnic, with friends - exchange books once a month, with colleagues - arrange a "tea ceremony". Any habits or traditions, if followed for a long time bring together.
Yield to each other. Let the partner make a choice, trusting - the relationship will become soulful. Start by taking small steps, for example, “succumb” to disputes, because the ability to concede is the basis of mutual understanding.
Do not deny partner problems and requests for help. Support in difficult times by deed, advice, do not remain indifferent.
In case of a quarrel do not allow yourself to be rude to the partner address neither in personal communication, nor during the discussion “behind the back”. Be considerate and correct.
In strong quarrels, never reveal the secrets of a partner to a stranger.

How to restore mutual understanding in the family?

The problem of “fathers and children”, as well as the lack of mutual understanding between spouses has been forming for a long time. A prerequisite may be a crisis in relationships or fixation on oneself.

How to return understanding with her husband?

To regain mutual understanding between the spouses, it is worthwhile to control yourself during quarrels. Follow simple tips and then you look at your soul mate from the good side.

Start talking with your husband again. Share your feelings, opinions about the book you read, wishes or memories. Talking helps to “discover” an interesting person and fall in love again.
To have more topics for discussion - start watching some movies, read books, support a hobby, find common things outside of life. Let it be a new weekend tradition, or a new joint hobby (sports, drawing, design).
Do not impose your "action plan", give your husband more freedom in actions and decision-making.
Do not "cut" for misconduct and do not blame for wrong decisions. The main task is to create comfortable conditions for changing the situation for the better. Example: do not whine that there is not enough money - help to find profitable job offers or help to climb the career ladder; Do not scold that often meets with friends - find an interesting activity for him in the family circle and become the best friend.
Share your experiences and listen to your husband’s experiences. Do not remain indifferent, support. Do not hold back grievances, gently reporting a mistake, without reproaches and quarrels.
Diversify your sex life. This kind of relaxation with a new passion will bring a lot of positive emotions to boring everyday life.

How to restore mutual understanding with children?

The problem of loss of understanding in the family is between the parent and the child. It is possible to gain family understanding by finding a “common language” with the child, becoming close in spirit comrades.

The search for mutual understanding with a teenage child is necessary for his psychological development, education of true values \u200b\u200band ethics of social behavior.

There are tips to help you reach understanding with children of any age:

Love and accept your child as you are. Speak more often, let the child know what is dear to you. With good and bad grades, after misconduct and wrong decision, nourish love with care, understanding and tenderness. Hug more often - it brings together.
Do not be fooled and keep promises. The child must be sure of the firmness of your words and intentions.
Listen. If a child shares his impressions, speaks with you - this is important for him. In response, it is necessary that mom or dad speak out, show interest. Express your opinion, express your feelings. Conduct an active dialogue about the deeds and feelings of the child, about what surrounds, disturbs or pleases.
Give the right to do what you like. Do not suppress goals and aspirations in the life of a child.
Do not run to help where he can handle himself, allow me to make mistakes.
Openness in relationships, trust. Assume that parents are wrong. They must admit mistakes to the child, be responsible for the lies. Do not hide the details of your life from the child: let him know how and with whom you work, with whom he is friends, how to relax, what you dream about, and regret. Talk about what surrounded you at his age.
Collaborative Conflict Resolution. Do not get away from quarrels, do not hide resentment, and allow the child to do the same. Conflicts must be resolved: discuss the problem, find a way out together.
Spend more time together, do not deny, referring to fatigue. Show interest in hobbies. With a small child you need to walk more, get out to interesting places.

A game for preschool children is a way of understanding the environment: objects, animals, people. Through games, children learn creativity, absorb and reinforce behavioral fundamentals, develop attention, learn to compete.

How to maintain mutual understanding?

Mutual understanding accompanies the beginning of a love relationship. During this period, young people can talk for hours, share experiences.

Understanding a guy with a girl at first does not require effort to maintain. But preparing to live with a person for many years in a trusting relationship, you need to make efforts so as not to lose this feeling.

For a happy family life:

Keep getting to know each other. Accept the good and not very in a partner with love, as when meeting. If the new habits of your half do not please you, do not try to remake it, be patient.
Keep surprising each other, give presents, surprises. Many over the years forget to delight their loved ones. Pleasant little things in life together discharge the living environment.
Do not let yourself and your partner get fed up with an intimate life. Mutual understanding in sex is an important component of a happy relationship.

Keep good and open relations with friends, familiar circle of friends.

In order not to lose mutual understanding with friends, you need:

"Do not forget" them. Do not postpone meetings, joint trips to cinema and restaurants, to sports events for a long time.
Do not refuse assistance. Let it be support in words, the need to listen or devote a little more time.

People spend most of their time in a work environment, surrounded by colleagues and bosses. Mutual understanding in the team is necessary to maintain a comfortable environment and improve performance.

Mutual understanding between employees can be established and maintained.

Follow the tips:

Avoid Conflict, Quarrel, Gossip. Do not let the group and squabbles get involved in intrigues. Establish yourself as an adequate, calm, peaceful person.
Do not refuse to help colleaguesbut don’t let them “pester” and abuse support.
Treat everyone equally friendly, learn to win over people.

Mutual understanding makes people more honest, relationships are kinder, and life is calmer. To be able to conquer and maintain it is the work necessary to achieve happiness and prosperity, psychological and emotional comfort.