12:51 2018

What awaits us? What will the parents say? Can a Muslim marry a Christian? What rights do brides have?  How about polygamy? Can we be happy? And if so, for how long? But what about our children? And a lot of similar questions, the answers to which, in my opinion, are overgrown with myths. Therefore, I will try to tell you what you should really prepare for.

To begin with, put a bullet in the answer to the question: “Is it possible a marriage between a Christian and a Muslim? ”  Yes. A Muslim man is allowed to marry women from the People of Scripture - Christians, Jews. To do this, you do not have to give up your faith, wear a hijab, and so on. The Qur'an clearly states that there is no compulsion in religion. But, of course, it is desirable for the girl to accept Islam and profess the same faith with her husband. When concluding a marriage, you seem to board the same boat, and if everyone will row in his own direction, will you sail far?

In the first case christian is going to get married per  the so-called "nominal" or ethnic muslim. That is, a person considers himself a Muslim, but does not have a penchant for Islam and religious practice. Throughout life, such couples are guided by familiar moral principles and values. It is possible that the husband will go to the mosque twice a year on major holidays or observe the traditions of his people. Especially enterprising wives, and I know such cases, husbands even go to church on Sundays and are not against the icons in the house. In fact, there are a lot of such marriages. You can hear: "There is a Muslim husband from a neighbor, and he allows her everything - both to paint, and to go without a scarf." Yes, it does, but the man himself is not averse to drinking and stares at the girls. And this is exactly the case when it is necessary to separate the "flies from cutlets." One must understand that to be called a Muslim and to be him are two different things. Such families are considered Muslim, usually because of their place of residence or eastern surname, but not because of their lifestyle. Their longevity falls into the statistics of secular marriages.

In the second case muslim and Christian marriage not limited to the registry office. If you find that your faithful turned out to be also true, then you have a direct road to the mosque to legalize marriage, not only in front of society, but also the Almighty. Often during a nikyah a woman will still be asked to pronounce a shahada (testimony of Monotheism). Many do this not nominally and in fact, over time they convert to Islam. But there are reverse cases. So, for example, one of my friends came out marry a Turk  and divorced after 5 years. Since after the birth of the child all the differences that are possible between muslim and Christian. When the husband wanted to teach his son namaz, the wife continued to memorize "Our Father" for the night. Think about whether you are ready to compromise on such vital issues, and agree on everything “ashore”. And if you do not plan to raise a child in the Muslim faith, then why connect life with a person of other principles? The strongest families are those where the wife is literally “behind her husband”: she fully accepts his lifestyle, she respects religion and helps her husband when everyone is in his place and fulfills his duties.

The third option is nicknames without a registry office. Good news: muslim can marry a Christianby simply enclosing nicknames in the nearest mosque. Two witnesses are enough, which are usually friends, and the imam acts as the guardian of the girl. The bad news is that almost all such marriages break up within the first two years, and the children who appear in such families grow up without a father. Remember, and better write in bold letters: never agree to such adventures! Despite the fact that polygamy is allowed in Islam and in some countries of Asia and Africa is supported at the state level, the proportion of such marriages in these countries is very low. But for some reason, young beauties are in a hurry to fill up the sad statistics and get involved in stories about which television and the Internet make noise. Dear girls, before you go out marry an arabor another eastern prince, make it clear: men love what they invest in. A marriage concluded in 5 minutes in a mosque, even with a decent gift, is nothing but a way of quick and legal access to intimate relationships. Do not rush to become the second, third, fourth, because the world is full of divorced and even widowers. Why deliberately put yourself in a disadvantageous and obviously losing situation? But even if you are the first and only one, and your betrothed only talks about love and is in no hurry to collect the necessary certificates for the embassy and marriage, run away from him. Most likely, this person is not distinguished by decency and responsibility for loved ones.

So, what is the first thing you should pay attention to before going out married to a muslim.We list the main points for a happy and long marriage:

1. The beginning. As the saying goes: "A good start - half the battle has pumped out." It matters where and under what circumstances you met. It is doubtful that a marriage in which future spouses met at a disco or on the beach would be blessed. If you are still in search, then be sure that the phrase "I want to get married"  clearly visible to the opposite sex. Unfortunately, even Muslims meet people with bad intentions, so be especially careful in public places if you are alone or with a girlfriend. Choose a spouse from your environment or as recommended by friends.

2. Time. Never rush out get married early. There is a beautiful custom in Islam to protect your interests - engagement (al-hitab). In this case, before marriage, the young have time to get to know each other and make a considered, balanced decision. It is better to spend months clarifying all the questions before the wedding than to torment yourself with an alien person all your life or get a divorce in six months. According to my observations, most hasty marriages are extremely unsuccessful and unhappy. Do not make hasty decisions, do not burn bridges and do not go about feelings. The hadith says that inanity is from Allah, and haste is from shaitan. If you are going to create a strong and lasting family for life, then arm yourself with this wisdom.

3. The family. Be sure to meet the close relatives of the groom. May your future husband receive a parental blessing. Also take a close look at the lifestyle in his family. How committed to religion are the mother and father of the chosen one, what kind of relationship they have. In 99% of cases, a man copies the model of parental behavior. Watch out if he is hiding you from everyone or is silent about the facts of his biography. Some peoples, especially in the Caucasus, are extremely unlikely to marry women of other nationalities. And if the groom's family is categorically against your joint future and sees a stranger in you, it’s worth seriously thinking. It is equally important what position your future husband takes in a difficult situation. Which side is he on: Does it support you, or is parental opinion important to him? You will also gain the support and understanding of loved ones before you leave marry a muslim. And really appreciate your chances - whether you will be able to fight all your life for happiness with your husband or alone, and also think about the consequences for children.

4. Customs. A very important point, since not all Muslims are guided only by the Quran. For many peoples, traditions are so firmly rooted in everyday life that it is simply silly to disregard them. Learn the customs of the people of your chosen one and try to try on yourself whether it suits or not. If something confuses you in the behavior of a young man, then ask yourself: would he treat me like that if I were ... (for example, an Arab, an Ingush, a Tatar, etc.). If the answer is no, then you should be alert. Let's say in the East it’s customary to give women a lot of gold for a wedding and organize lavish ceremonies, and your gentleman suggests that you confine yourself to a table in a cafe and teach instead of mahr surah of the Quran. Or if it is customary that the daughter-in-law clean and cook for the whole family, and the man says that there will be no problems in everyday life. Get ready to adopt foreign traditions, learn a language, live in an unusual environment, adapt to a different culture. After all, you are aware that you will have to change, not your husband?

5. Language. At first, perhaps a few phrases are enough for you, but to live together in an interethnic marriage, be prepared to learn your spouse's language, especially if you go to his homeland. It’s ideal to attend language courses, but you can use the tutorials and lessons, which are now numerous on the Internet. It should also be borne in mind that languages \u200b\u200bwill have to be taught to your children. Over time, you will learn all the intricacies and rules of bilingual families, but to maintain literacy and a good level of two languages, you will have to sweat a lot.

6. Documents. If the Muslim fiancé is not a citizen of the Russian Federation, then you will also have to comprehend the intricacies of international law. It doesn’t matter where you live, the rule “without a piece of paper you are a bug” applies everywhere. Keep in mind that you need to complete all the documents for marriage, take care of the timely extension of visas and obtain a residence permit for yourself or your future spouse. Often this process requires not only money and time, but also nerves.

7. Social status. Everyone probably knows the joke: “How to marry a millionaire?” “Marry a billionaire.” In life, unfortunately, it is often the opposite. Women fall in love with unkempt people and sculpt millionaires out of them. They are ready to sell apartments, to give their savings only for swearing them eternal love. Why this scheme works well with an Egyptian animator or Tajik guest worker, but does not work with a Russian janitor or waiter, I do not understand. But the fact remains. Unfortunately, even among my friends there are such victims. Problems can be avoided if you initially seek equal status spouse. In fairness, it should be noted that many couples start from scratch. But even if the chosen one is from a poor family, he should have the potential, the desire to develop and improve, and not live at the expense of others. In Islam there is no "dowry", but there is the concept of " mahr"- a wedding gift for a woman, and the responsibility for material support after the marriage rests entirely with men.

But the most important thing is religion. The Messenger of Allah (sallalahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “Verily, each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for the flock. A man is a shepherd for his family and is responsible for his flock ”  (Muslim, The Book of Government, 5, 1213).

Is Nikah made for those who, being non-Muslims, married in a registry office or were married in a church, and then converted to Islam

The opinions of most Islamic scholars, based on the source (Quran and Sunnah):

If your faith with your wife was Christian and you both converted to Islam, then your marriage is valid and the children are born in the marriage (legal), the marriage is recognized, and there is no need to make nicknames again. And if they were ethnic Muslims, it is even more believed that they had Nikah.

Since the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not renew his marriage with Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her) after Islam, and did not require his associates to re-read Nikyakh after the adoption of Islam.

Provision of a wife and child after a divorce

1   - Divorced by a non-final divorce with the right to return her, material security and housing are supposed, and it is the husband’s responsibility until the deadline for divorce (’idda) expires, according to the Almighty:

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ إِذَا طَلَّقْتُمُ النِّسَاء فَطَلِّقُوهُنَّ لِعِدَّتِهِنَّ وَأَحْصُوا الْعِدَّةَ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ رَبَّكُمْ لاَ تُخْرِجُوهُنَّ مِن بُيُوتِهِنَّ وَ لاَ يَخْرُجْنَ

“O Prophet! When you give your wives a divorce, you get divorced within the prescribed period, keep track of this period and fear Allah, your Lord. Do not drive them out of their houses, and let them not go out of them ”(65: 1).

أَسْكِنُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ سَكَنتُم مِّن وُجْدِكُمْ وَ لاَ تُضَارُّوهُنَّ لِتُضَيِّقُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ

« Settle them where you live yourself - according to your abundance. Do not harm them, wanting to constrain them"(65: 6).

2 - Divorced by a final divorce, neither material support nor housing is relied on. The reason for this is the decision of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when Fatima bint Kays (may Allah be pleased with her) turned to him after her husband divorced her by a final divorce, asking if she relies on him for what, what the prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “ You are not entitled to upkeep or housing. "Muslim 1480. The version cited by Abu Dawood states:" You are not entitled to content unless you are pregnant Sahih Abu Dawood 2/433.

3 - A pregnant divorced woman, even if she is divorced by a final divorce, according to the unanimous opinion of scientists, relies on maintenance and housing until she gives birth. Proof of the word of the Almighty:

أَسْكِنُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ سَكَنتُم مِّن وُجْدِكُمْ وَ لا تُضَارُّوهُنَّ لِتُضَيِّقُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ وَإِن كُنَّ أُولاَتِ حَمْلٍ فَأَنفِقُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ حَتَّى يَضَعْنَ حَمْلَهُنَّ

“Settle them where you live yourself - according to your abundance. Do not harm them, wanting to constrain them. If they are pregnant, keep them until they are relieved of the burden ”(65: 6).

4 - The obligation to bear the costs of the children lies with their father, regardless of whether they are married or divorced, whether she is rich or poor. A woman is not obligated to bear the costs of them, with their living father. And in this matter all scientists agree.

Ibn Qudam (may Allah have mercy on him) in al-Mughni 8 / 169-170 conveyed the words of Ibn Munzir (may Allah have mercy on him): “ All knowledge holders from whom we adopted knowledge unanimously agreed that a man must support children who do not have their own property».

5 - If, after the divorce, the children are in the care and upbringing of the mother, then she may demand from the ex-husband a fee for the care and upbringing of the children. See Mausu’a al-fiqhiya 17/311, and Sharh Muntaha al-Iradat 3/249.

6 - If a woman breast-feeds a child, then she has the right to demand a payment from her ex-husband for this, in accordance with the words of the Almighty:

فَإِنْ أَرْضَعْنَ لَكُمْ فَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ وَأْتَمِرُوا بَيْنَكُمْ بِمَعْرُوفٍ

« If they are breastfeeding for you, then pay them a reward and consult among themselves in a good way"(65: 6).

In this verse, divorced women are meant.

This opinion was Abu Hanifa (may Allah have mercy on him), this same opinion is the most common and well-known in the madhhab of Imam Ahmad (may Allah have mercy on him). Sheikh al-Islam ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) gave preference to this opinion, see al-Ihtiyrat 412-413, and among modern scholars this opinion was held by Sheikh Ibn 'Usaymin (may Allah have mercy on him), see Al-Sharh al-Mumti '13 / 515-516. See also al-Mugni 11/431 and al-Fatahua al-Kubra 3/347.

7 - The material support includes: housing, food and drink, clothing, training, and other things that children will need.

8 - The amount of material support, as well as fees for breastfeeding, and fees for the care and upbringing of children, is determined by the customs of their locality and time. Moreover, given the condition and position of the ex-husband, in accordance with the words of the Almighty:

لِيُنْفِقْ ذُو سَعَةٍ مِنْ سَعَتِهِ وَمَنْ قُدِرَ عَلَيْهِ رِزْقُهُ فَلْيُنْفِقْ مِمَّا آتَاهُ اللَّهُ لا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلا مَا آتَاهَا سَيَجْعَلُ اللَّهُ بَعْدَ عُسْرٍ يُسْرًا

“Let the possessor spend according to his wealth. And the one who is constrained in means, let him spend out of what Allah endowed him with. Allah does not impose on man beyond what He has bestowed upon him. After hardship, Allah creates relief ”(65: 7).

The rich must bear material costs in accordance with his position and condition. Having an average income, in accordance with his position, is also poor. Or, the parents themselves can agree on a certain fee, small or large. If the parents cannot reach a mutual agreement regarding the size, then the amount of material costs for the child should be determined by the Sharia judge.

But still, it is better for them to come to a mutual agreement and assign a certain amount that will allow them to live without the need of the child and his caregiving mother.

Ksenia, Ulyanovsk

What if my husband is Muslim and I am Orthodox?

Hello. Our situation is not simple. Our family is mixed: my husband is Muslim, I am Orthodox. On this basis, misunderstandings and quarrels occur. When the child was born, under the pressure of the husband’s parents, we performed a Muslim ceremony to name the name. In turn, we baptized the child in secret from her husband. My conscience for a long time tormented me about this. But I don’t know how to lie, so I told my spouse everything, and there was a strong scandal. Since then, I am between two fires. My mother says bad things about her husband and his faith, and my husband, therefore, teaches the child Tatar prayers and says that he doesn’t listen to granny, but tells her not to take him to church. They all say this to me, I am upset and do not know what to do. It’s very difficult to maintain neutrality; I don’t want to offend anyone. What to do in such a situation?

Good I agree with you - the situation is complex and ambiguous. Moreover, the ambiguity is most likely in you. The husband said, and " we performed a Muslim rite". Grandma said, and " we baptized a child". Where are you yourself? With whom? The husband is Muslim and, naturally, would like his child to adhere to the roots of Islam. Your mother belongs to Orthodoxy and wants it to be according to her, but at the same time she gave her daughter to marry a Muslim, which, in life practice, usually leads to " for children"Issue. Was this issue discussed before the wedding?

The book "Helmsman", which contains the rules of the Ecumenical and Local Councils of the Orthodox Church, which determine the attitude of the church community to a particular religious or life problem, warns Christians from marriages with infidels and adherents of sects. Protecting their children and their children from the misfortune of falling away from Christ. You got caught ...

Now the spiritual fate of the child is in your hands. The situation itself will not be resolved. The choice that you shied away from before the wedding catches up with you.

The gospel says:

I did not come to bring peace, but a sword (Matthew 10.34).

A Christian, accepting Holy Baptism, enters the army of the Heavenly King. Whether he will fight for his Lord or change the oath - the choice is his.

Maybe you, for the sake of family peace, decide to give up and let “ islamization»Of your family. Including myself. But, I hope, you will feel the heartfelt need to find the sincere Christ Faith yourself. But not formal: " i am Orthodox because I was baptized as a child", But consciously, accepting Christ as exactly HIS savior and God. Praying, studying the Holy Scriptures, reading the holy fathers of the Church and observing and knowing the depths of God's mercy to man in general and to us, in particular, you can light up your child and your spouse with the light of your faith. In Islam, Christ is revered as a prophet, and, knowing the Orthodox teaching, you can show the true dignity of the Son of God. Choose you.

Request to you: try with prayer to find a spiritual father who will help in moving through life, prompting and guarding against dangers, harshness and relaxation. May God grant us all spiritual wisdom!

In an emancipated society, the question of how to please the husband is not very relevant. The vast majority of modern women will tell you that nobody needs to please, because you are an independent, whole person, and you should, above all, love, and not exploit in your interests.

Marrying a Muslim: Aspects of a Future Marriage

It is no secret to anyone that in Islam there are centuries-old traditions that cannot be violated. And if you decide to connect your life with a representative of this religion, you should be fully prepared to learn to obey your spouse.

Suppose your romance is developing so rapidly that Mendelson’s solemn march already sounds in your head, and you almost imagined a portrait of a future joint child. But everything is complicated by the fact that your chosen one lives according to the Quran. If you gave your heart to a Muslim, you will have to learn to live according to other people's traditions and comply with other people's laws.

It's no secret to anyone how zealously representatives of this culture honor its commandments. Allah is sacred to them, and they can live only according to his laws. Of course, if we are talking about real Muslims, not Europeanized representatives of the eastern countries.

What is your role?

So, if you seriously fell in love with a Muslim, you should know what you should do next to build a family and marry him.

In the near future you should do the following:

• Get to know his parents, and they certainly will like it. True, even in the second case, no one will guarantee that they will be ready to sacrifice their principles and allow Christian women to stay in their home. It is no secret that Muslims are trying to choose representatives of the same religion for their children as companions of life. And if they are categorically against you purely from religious beliefs, you can forever forget about your eastern prince. People living under the laws of the Koran respect and honor their parents more than anyone in the world. And the opinion of these is guaranteed to be decisive for them, even if the man himself loves you " until your heart stops". How to please the future husband and his mother? Firstly, you need to look modest. Going for the first acquaintance, forget about the existence in your wardrobe of miniskirts and bodysuits with a deep neckline. However, this rule is relevant for meeting with any parents. Secondly, immediately indicate that you see their future in their son, for which they are ready to live. Thirdly, be restrained, listen more than speak. Demonstrate to them that you respect them no less than your own son;
• Accept another faith.  If you want to love mother’s remoteness and charm his father, you should be ready for the next step - the adoption of Islam. According to Muslim laws, you must renounce the Christian faith and accept Islam. As a rule, this happens either immediately or over time. But remember - until you have entered into a legal marriage, you can think about it and refuse. If your legal husband orders you, there will no longer be any way to retreat (only divorce). In principle, according to the Qur'an, a Muslim is allowed to marry an “infidel” (non-believer) only in order to convert her to Islam. Therefore, think hundreds of times if you are ready for such a step;
• Living the laws of the Qur'an.  Naturally, your religious "adventures" do not end with the adoption of Islam. Now you must live exclusively according to the laws of the holy book of Muslims. And wearing a hijab in this case is not the worst thing that you have to practice. By the way, according to the laws of the Koran, some marriages between a Muslim and a Christian are a priori impossible. If you are his teacher or pupil, you were previously married to a Muslim, are evenly related to him, were wife to his father, brother or son - you can not dream of an alliance with him. The prohibition of marriage is also relevant if you are a pagan;
• Behave in the Qur'an.In continuation of the previous paragraph - a few more specific nuances. From now on, you will have to lower your eyes when meeting with any man, hide your body and jewelry under clothes, cover your hair with a scarf, move silently, and not visit someone else’s home without the consent of your husband. You also have no right to leave your home alone. A loving mother-in-law will immediately tell you about all these rules. By the way, you must now please her no less than her husband. You must obey the new “mother” in everything, and turn a blind eye to injustice, or even vileness on her part. If you dare to complain to your husband, he is guaranteed to take the side of mom, and you can also get a hard time. In fact, the woman in Islam is a being almost completely disempowered. The purpose of her existence is to please her husband and run a household. Are you ready for such a fate ?;
• To be completely submissive.  This paragraph applies not only to the domestic, but also to the sexual aspects of marriage. How to please the new husband in bed? To obey and do whatever he wants. By the way, you have no right to refuse him the most sexual contact. The ban is lifted only during religious holidays, your menstruation and in the postpartum period. In a Muslim family life, you must endure even violence if your spouse wants it. However, usually representatives of this religion are rather "courteous" in bed with their chosen ones;
• Tolerate polygamy.  The Qur'an says that a man should marry women who are dear to his heart. A Muslim can have up to four wives, as well as concubines. No one will ask for your advice and approval in this matter. But everything will be extremely honest in terms of material security - all income is distributed evenly to each of them. If your fiancé is not rich, you’ll probably be " one and only". However, no one can guarantee that the caring parents of your husband will not engage in the search for the other wives. Moreover, you will have to nod approvingly, and perhaps even help the mother-in-law with the choice. And do not even try to enter into disputes - such are the written laws of Islam;
• Endure punishment. Perhaps this item is the most scrupulous of all. The Qur'an says that a man can use physical force against his woman in case of her disobedience, or simply “in order to improve her character”. At the same time, he can hit you, but not in the face or other vulnerable places. There should also be no signs of beatings on your body. And the beatings themselves, according to the Qur'an, should not cause a woman suffering. A man has no right to beat a woman “inaudible” for petty misconduct. If all this happens - you can demand a divorce in a Sharia court;
• Remember the divorce according to the Qur'an.  Divorce in Muslim countries, like everything else, is one-way. Usually the initiative belongs to the man. Moreover, it is enough for him to repeat three times with witnesses "You are no longer my wife", And your union is automatically terminated. The Christian herself remains completely powerless in this case. Note that you can’t pick up children, just as well as defend your rights in court. But there are pleasant exceptions;
• Reproduce offspring.  One of the main goals of Muslim men is the reproduction of offspring, so childlessness can become a significant reason for the gap. You must also be prepared to give birth as much as is required of you.

A wedding in the Qur'an can take place both at home and in a mosque. And, interestingly, even without the participation of a couple. It is enough to ask witnesses to go to the mosque for the wedding ceremony.

Know his responsibilities

1. Your husband should fully support you, as well as be fully responsible for the well-being of the family. He is obliged to contain and protect you, in addition, to give you due attention. If a man shies away from providing for his wife, or does not pay attention to her for a certain time (this mainly relates to intimate life), you have the right to file for divorce. But know that divorce is “ the most hated of the law before the eyes of Allah».
2. Yes, a Muslim man needs to be loved, cherished and cherished without special reciprocal feelings. Yes, Muslim men love complete submission by women. And yes, from now on you will feel like a real slave in freedom.

Still want to know how to please a Muslim husband, or are you already staring at the Slavic guys? In any case, we support your choice and are always ready to give you valuable advice.

Be happy in marriage!

In a marriage where spouses belong to different faiths, there are two aspects, domestic and spiritual. And if from the point of view of everyday life everything can look good, then from the point of view of religion many questions arise. Muslim and Christian - the views of Orthodox priests.

Like in the Turkish series

A popular request on the Internet is: a Muslim husband has sad stories. Alas, the marriage of the Orthodox and Muslim is the most unfortunate example of interfaith cohabitation. Especially if the husband is a foreigner. Read the women's forums. Events develop according to a typical scenario, approximately, as in this plot:

Katya met Fatih on vacation in Turkey. At first glance, she was conquered by this swarthy slender guy with a white-toothed smile. Prior to that, she twice revised the series "The Magnificent Century" and was fascinated by Turkish culture. The heroine of the series, a Slav, who fell into the harem of the Sultan and became the mistress of the world, seemed to Katya herself. She even dyed her hair a golden-red color, fell in love with catchy jewelry and bright dresses, bought oriental sweets for coffee, she wanted to say the mysterious words “Inshalla” and “Mashalla” as well and, of course, love a powerful and noble man of other faiths.

Each of us has his own fairy tale, his own temptation, seducing through monotonous everyday life.

From the first minutes of her stay in Istanbul, Katya waited for a miracle - not just a meeting with a man, but a crazy passion, like in a movie. And Fatih appeared. His profession was prosaic - a hotel employee. But what beautiful roses he gave and complimented in good Russian - Katya believed that work helped him master Russian. She also liked the fact that he was not a beach loafer. Katya herself finished studying as a pharmacist and dreamed of her own pharmacy in her native Moscow region, and later on, of a whole pharmacy chain. Father, a wealthy man, did not live with his family for a long time, but supported his daughter financially, promised to help with business.

Russian and Ukrainian hotel neighbors also met with the Turks. Many did not take this seriously - a resort romance. Katya was warned that the Turks did not take white women seriously, but she did not believe, and indeed, before leaving Fatih made her an offer and gave her a ring. Now she had someone to say "ashkim" - a favorite, as in the series.

“I will open a pharmacy in Turkey,” Katya dreamed. At home, she threw a large silk scarf over her head and spun in front of the mirror, evaluating whether there would be a hijab in her face?

The girl was baptized, but Islam attracted her as the religion of her beloved man.

Russians are religiously illiterate, although 70% consider themselves Orthodox.

I have met educated elderly people who have an idea of \u200b\u200bChristianity only thanks to the children's Bible purchased by their grandson. A poor understanding of one’s religion does not promote piety. And Katya ran into the church in the mood - because it is beautiful there. She did not understand the meaning of the prayers; it did not occur to her to study Church Slavonic. But because of Fatih she began to go to Muslim sites. Some articles aroused her rejection, but she humbled herself in order to feel and think like a priceless “ashkim”.

Parents doubted her groom, but Katya rebuffed, persistently asked her father for the promised money, and when he transferred the amount to the card, she went to Turkey to build a family life.

Young people got married and even performed nikah - a Muslim ceremony. With the purchase of a pharmacy, problems arose - it took a lot of documents, besides Katie did not have Turkish citizenship yet. Fatih said that he could open a cafe with this money in his native village. The couple left the Turkish capital.

The house in the mountain village was two-story, but poorly furnished and dilapidated. The young were allocated a room on the second floor above the goat's pen and Katya woke up to the bleating of cattle, and not to the song of a nightingale in love with a rose.

The mother-in-law and the wives of the two brothers Fatih met Katya unfriendly, and gradually shifted all household chores onto her shoulders. What was she waiting for? This is the share of the youngest daughter-in-law in a Turkish family, if the young live with older relatives.

Gradually, she learned that Fatih met with a dozen visiting girls, looking for a better party.

Local Turkish women did not fight for it - because of poverty. And something didn’t stick with the visitors - either the girl didn’t want to get married, then she seemed rather poor. Unless I studied Russian. Katya’s readiness to dissolve in Turkish culture, convert to Islam, plus money for a pharmacy, played a role.

Fatih Cafe, which he passed on to his father, attracted visitors. The family made a profit, but Katya did not see a penny. But Fatih’s mother began to talk that the son should take a second wife - from the locals, because according to Islam he had the right to do so. Apparently, so the mother-in-law hoped to get rid of the Russian daughter-in-law. In the kitchen, instructing Katya, she could roughly push her, and the poor thing heard causticity every day.

Fatih quickly cooled to his wife and often left for Istanbul. As Katya suspected, have fun with anxious tourists. Sometimes she found time to go online, where she complained to her friends about her fate, gaining the resolve to divorce. I tried to pray, but another's faith did not give comfort, and Katya, in fact, did not know her native, Orthodox.

From the luxury of the Turkish series, she only got the exclamations of “Mashalla” and “Inshallah” and a shawl that, as usual, covers golden-red curls. Favorite series now caused irritation, like a bait, lured to a foreign country.

But maybe Katya misunderstood him? After all, the “Magnificent Century” showed the endless squabbles of the harem, and the oblivion of the heroine of faith, and the abandonment of the Orthodox name, and her blind love for the Sultan, who was ruining Christian lands ...

In fairness, it is worth noting that not all “Turkish wives” from Russia have a sad fate. The closer the husband is to European civilization, the less troubles complicate the life of the visiting spouse.

One Turk, lo and behold, was even baptized for the sake of his wife, but in other cases wives converted to Islam.

In the Arab countries, the life of Europeans is more dangerous - there traditions as if heavy chains entangle women. There are successful marriages and even baptized rows of Arabs' wives, which have to be hidden from relatives - for example, in Saudi Arabia. But where is the guarantee that your chosen one will be so?

Russians for years have been suing children with eastern men - in Islamic culture it is customary to leave heirs with a father in a divorce.

Of course, opponents can say: the character of the husband does not depend on nationality, how many Russians are tyrannized by men of the same clan-tribe. I personally suffered so much with the “true Aryans” that I would rather be interested in an oriental man. But their perception of women is complicated by centuries-old traditions, the demands of relatives and the orders of their historical homeland - if we talk about a foreigner.

What is interesting for an eastern man to a European woman? By the fact that he thinks and acts differently. Decisive, courageous, ardent. But in this difference along with attractiveness lies danger. It is easy to admire an authoritarian movie hero, but it is difficult to share a home with such a gentleman and raise children. Especially in his homeland. There he is the master, the laws are on his side, and even the police through the fingers will look at aggression against the visiting wife.

The problem is that we Slavs are ready to dissolve in the culture of a loved one, accept it and betray our own, which seems uninteresting. This is the negative side of our sacrifice.

But most men do not value her. They are self-confident and believe: it should be so. When giving birth to children, an apostate gives them to a strange people, another religion. Least thinks about the soul. But not the fact that having lost herself as a person for the sake of physiology, the lady will receive respect in return.

Gentile and heterodox

The Orthodox Church divides the representatives of other religions into the heterodox and heterodox.

Non-believers include Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, as well as sectarians. To heterodox - Catholics, Lutherans, Protestants, Armenian-Gregorians and some others - they also praise Christ, but in a different way.

Before Peter the Great, Orthodox marriages with non-Orthodox were forbidden. But the tsar headed for Europe and invited scientists and masters from there to Russia. Of course, Russian families with foreigners began to form.

And the church, for political reasons, was forced to allow marriages with non-Orthodox, but not with other Gentiles. However, the children of the spouses had to grow up in the Orthodox faith.

The question of children is fundamental for all faiths. No religion wants to cede the younger generation to another religion. Here is the imam’s view of interfaith marriage: the marriage of a Muslim with a chaste and well-meaning woman of Christian culture is permitted, but must be taken into account:

• maintaining the status of a husband in the family according to the canons of Islam;
• the desirability of a spouse accepting Islamic faith;
• - the obligation to raise children in the spirit of morality and religiosity, commanded by the Holy Quran.

Occasionally, democratic parents leave the choice of faith at the discretion of the child - he will grow up, he will decide. Does that seem reasonable? But the clergy do not approve of this approach, believing that religious education should be started from the first years of a baby’s life. From birth, a person needs the protection and help of the Almighty. It turns out that the parents themselves are crying out to God for support, and the child is left to their own devices. Isn't that cruel?

The marriage of the Orthodox and Catholic also has its own characteristics. Of course, the difference in mentality and religion is not as strong as in the case of Islam. But still, someone must sacrifice his faith or each one performs his rituals, but then the family loses unity and spiritual closeness.

From the point of view of Orthodoxy, the family is a small church. There are many similarities:

• the family, like the church, consists of believers, but besides the common faith, it is connected by bonds of kinship;
• as in the church, in the family they perform general prayers and celebrate religious holidays;
• they see as the main goal the transformation of the soul, deliverance from sins, union with God.

The Orthodox wedding rite reflects this approach in prayers, where the Creator asks for “unanimity of souls and body,” combining them “in one mind” and preserving “in peace and unanimity”.

But you can only dream of a family idyll where dad goes to the temple, mother goes to the church, grandmother goes to the synagogue, grandfather goes to the mosque, and the children have not yet made their choice, and adults are trying to change them to their side.

In Russia, there are such families where a lamb is cut on Kurban Bayram, and Easter cake shines on Easter, it seems that the friendship of peoples is an echo of Soviet internationalism, but it’s hard for me to imagine what’s happening in the minds of such people, what a mess, sorry.

And even after death, such families are divided. The Orthodox spouse does not have the right to bury the heterodox in his own rite, to serve a requiem for him, to remember at the liturgy. Orthodox cemeteries should not be buried in Catholic cemeteries, as well as Muslim ones, and vice versa.

The problem of the posthumous fate of the soul arises, since most holy fathers claim that its salvation is only in Orthodoxy.

But this is a separate complex topic.

Opinions of Orthodox clergy

I asked the Orthodox priests:

- What could you advise a girl, your parishioner, who fell in love with a Catholic or Muslim and marries him? Our readers will be interested in your opinion, because in Russia marriages with Gentiles are constantly being made.

Archpriest Michael Nikitin, St. Nicholas Church (Aleksin).

Archpriest Mikhail Antipov, Church of St. George the Victorious (v. Khryashchevka).

“Only one advice is not to seduce respected men of a different faith and spoil their lives. The fact is that a man, like a male, will sooner or later persuade his family to live by the rules of his faith. And what could be next? Please refer to the statistics of such marriages. Personally, I am against such unions, since in the future great patience will be required and even experienced love will have to be forgotten, And family life without love is already some kind of social organization. ”